(Part 2) Best products from r/ENFP

I'm sorry you're going through this :( I've been depressed in the past, and I know how difficult it is, and how hopeless you can feel. You are absolutely NOT alone in having felt this way! hugs

The good news is that simply re-wiring your brain to let in positive thoughts and remove the negative thoughts can change your mindset and outlook completely. We are fed a lot of negative messages in society: from our parents, from advertisers, from the media.

How to improve? Sounds cheesy, but this really worked for me: get your hands on all the self-help books, all the inspirational TED Talks, and all the motivational speeches you can get. Fill your head with these inspirational speakers' words of positivity until eventually, you learn to to maintain the positivity yourself!

Start with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tdihe-eBLk

Have a dose of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P2nPI6CTlc

This is great, too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFWyseydTkQ

Followed by this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kU1DI8HsYAg

This is a great book: http://www.amazon.com.au/Mastering-Healthy-Self-Image-Guidebook-ebook/dp/B0060QSV0O

Also, remember that the people out there who are successful/happy usually did not have it come easy! Colonel Sanders, creator of KFC, didn't start the chain until age 65, and that was after his chicken recipe got rejected over 1000 times by restaurant owners! Michael Jordan has missed 900 shots throughout his career AND was cut by his high school basketball team. Imagine if they had given up based on their early failures; where would they be?

edit: Also, finding a healthy ENFJ/ENTJ to communicate with really helps. I've found those types to be the ones who are most likely to keep going even after multiple failures.

https://www.amazon.com/Energies-Patterns-Psychological-Type-consciousness/dp/1138922285

https://www.amazon.com/Depth-Typology-Isabel-Myers-Becoming/dp/0997607602

https://www.amazon.com/Building-Blocks-Personality-Type-Discovering/dp/0692235116

There are others as well but there is no methodical Jungian Functions bible. This is because Jungian Functions are not something physical in the real world you can touch, but are more abstract and like an idea. But I bet you can understand this for I notice your MBTI type is an INFJ and me as an INTJ...me trying to explain how some parts of reality works to an INFJ when they live and breathe this abstract stuff, things that are more of a rough ideal. Well I am laughing at myself for I bet you can SCHOOL ME on this subject =P

Aka this image / meme

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1d/10/56/1d1056196fc858a7fca2de4fc31d8a74.jpg

LOL to the handwriting, this is all so true.
I just started reading a book (because it was free with Amazon Prime) called The One Thing. I've been in counseling for a while and have really been working to understand myself, including my inability to follow through with stuff.

The premise of this book (and I just started it) is to focus on, and do ONE thing at a time. I had been putting off making a dr's appointment that I didn't want to do. I don't know why, I knew the copay would have be paid and didn't want to think about money - so I just avoided it. But I got to work yesterday and said, the ONE thing I need to do is call the doctor.

This might not be in connection to this AT ALL but I watched a video on procrastination that really changed my approach to doing stuff. I had it playing in the background at work one day. It was really inspiring in helping me grasp why I do (or don't) get stuff done. Might have nothing to do with this same conversation - but it made sense in my head so I wanted to share (ᵔᴥᵔ)

I just got this book, which mostly emphasizes dramatically de-cluttering your life and only keeping things you really love/need. Less stuff means less stuff to clean!

I've done it so far with my clothes and it's been HUGE. Every day I look at my new, tiny little wardrobe full of only things I love and want to wear and I feel so much peace. It's easier for me to do the little chores associated of hanging my clothes too because I'm invested in that space and how nice it feels to have it "right". It's also not nearly as overwhelming because there's so little to organize.

I feel you. I'm in a similar boat. I graduated in May with a Pre-Med Nutrition degree and a Biology minor. I never wanted to go to med school, but I switched from pharmacy to education to pharmacy to pre-med nutrition because I was interested in holistic treatment. But my love for nutrition died because the program at my school WAS TERRIBLE, so towards the end of my degree I hated school and was totally unmotivated and I was blind to the future. I considered med school but a life of diagnosing, treating, and saying bye to patients I wouldnt see for another few months or years was not really appealing to me. I had a mental breakdown my senior year of college because of all the adderall I was taking and it took a tole on my personal life too. I would LOVE to travel and chill for a while but the reality of being broke and in debt after college is way too real. I want to go into the mental health field, but that means Ill be broke and in debt for like a decade, but I would love mental health way more than medical school. I want to surround myself with more disciplined creatives too, but most of the people I knew like that are moving away after school. Its hard to not let anxiety overcome me some days, but at least I know there are other people in the same boat. I recommend reading the book
https://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter--/dp/0446561754/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468940290&sr=8-1&keywords=the+defining+decade

To be more disciplined and creative I suggest meditating daily. the app headspace is AMAZING, no hippie buddhism is involved, it just really works to help strengthen our pre-frontal cortex's, the part of the brain that adderall works to stimulate. I found meditating REALLY helped me handle the reality of my situation, and be easy on myself while going in a good direction.

but yeah I definitely feel similarly to you. Im babysitting for the summer to calm my nerves after school, but I have nothing planned for the fall yet and im freaking out. I really want to work in the mental health field but its been impossible to find a job and Im terrified of being broke come the fall.

Okay, I'm going to go off on a tangent here, please bear with me.

I had to read this book called Open Mind by Dawna Markova, PhD for a class and it talks about styles of learning. There are three ways to absorb info (according to Markova): Kinetic, Audio, Visual. We use all three, but we tend to learn better with one style and we tend to be "sensitive" or over-stimulated by another.

I am a kinetic learner, which means I learn by doing and touching. If I have to read a book, I need to make notes about it because the physical act of writing it down helps me to learn. I will probably never look at the notes again, because it was the act of writing that was important.

I am also visually sensitive, so I will be distracted by pictures. I won't hold eye contact for long with people and if I close my eyes during a lecture, I understand more.

In my class we broke into groups by learning style and I know for a fact that one other person was an INFP (with a moderate I, not a strong I) and the others had very ENFP like traits. (I should have asked they MB type while we were grouped up, but didn't think to)

I would encourage others who are interested in learning style to pick up the book. (cheap used on Amazon) Or you could find it in other places

Read about attachment theory. You seem Anxious attached and your girlfriends are Avoidant attachment types. The theory will explain a lot about attachment in relationships and how to improve on it in the future and pick a right partner that fulfils your needs in a relationship.

Read this book and it will cool down your attachment system and allow you to think clearly. It did for me

Walt Disney was an ENFP. There are a lot of biographies about him and much of his adult life was documented. If you want a good read, this book is a great place to start.

Hope that helps. Marty McFly from Back to the Future and JD from Scrubs are also both ENFPs.

I like this initiative. I read tons of books every year, mostly geared towards general psychology, achieving happiness, neuropsychology, and biographies of interesting people because that is what captures my attention most. However, here are some books that I've found incredibly helpful in boosting my confidence and/or ability to read people and otherwise improve social interaction.

• As A Man Thinketh by James Allen
  
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie (the BEST book ever written on social interaction, it's a must read if you haven't yet)
  
• The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease
  
• What Every BODY is saying by Joe Navarro
  
  Oh yeah, last but not least, I HIGHLY recommend for any ENFP who sees this to take the time and read Ender's Game by Orson Scott. Besides it being a captivating sci fi book AND the first book that really caught my attention since The Hunger Games and the Harry Potter series, I really related to the main character. He experiences a certain kind of loneliness that is very much reserved to the ENFP in particular, I believe. Anyways, check it out. It has over 4000 5-star reviews on Amazon.
  
  
  
  
  

You might find it helpful to read more about polyvagal theory and the social engagement system - basically when our nervous systems are dysregulated, it makes it very difficult for us to connect with people and fully engage socially. This book goes into more detail about how to address this: Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve: Self-Help Exercises for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, and Autism

I've also read these general books about friendship and found them helpful. They are aimed at women but could really apply to anyone regardless of gender:

Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends

Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness

​

Brene Brown's "power of vulnerability" LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE. I know now how to connect & share with out feeling depleted or shutting down. I would also recommend her book Daring Greatly it's at your library. She has a couple TED talks & a netflix special coming out soon.

"The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck" by Sarah Knight is good or "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck," by Mark Manson

>I am sentimental and over value people to such an extreme level that I can't see when people are treating me bad even when they are.

Then I recommend you stay out of a relationship until you figure that out.

A long term relationship hinges on two things. Love and respect. Everything can be covered under those two words. You don't belittle a person you respect. You don't disrespect a person you respect. You show affection for a person you love, etc.

This goes two ways. Never ever put up with disrespect from your SO and never put up with disrespect from yourself towards your SO. This doesn't mean disrespect warrants a fight, but it does warrent a serious discussion, and if your SO thinks that you're being too sensitive, than perhaps it's time to look for another SO.

Some will probably disagree with me and say that sometimes you need to suck it up, but I disagree. If you allow disrespect in any relationship, it's going to fester into resentment and your relationship will be doomed sooner than later.

>No one expects to be a villain yet I think of myself as the worst badguy of them all. I just play my part the worst. I dont know what to do HELP!!

Work on changing your thoughts so you don't label yourself like that. Doing a few shit things doesn't make you a villain or a black sheep. It ignores the fact that you do some good things also and a bunch of neutral things just like everyone else. You wouldn't label yourself a breather simply because you breath and you do that a lot more than anything else.

I think you need to learn more about yourself. I realize that being alone sucks. I've been through that myself, but running into another relationship will likely not help.

You need to be able to respect yourself and it sounds like you have a lot of guilt. My best advice is to get a book called feeling good (http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0380810336 or get it from the library) It's an amazing book on cognitive therapy which gives strategies to analyze thoughts and deal with guilt. It's a very interesting and easy read. It's helped me. I think it can help you too. Honestly, I think everyone can benefit from it.

Sorry if this sounds rude. That's not how I meant for any of. It to come across. I'm laying in bed after a night of lightish drinking.

EDIT: spelling and autocorrect.

I plugged a few books a month ago over at our subreddit.

Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey – he is the one who introduce temperament theory (SP/SJ/NF/NT) and very easy to read, providing a good starting point to MBTI.

Personality Type: An Owner’s Manual by Lenore Thomson - Instead of going by the 16 sets of letters, this is a pure Jungian book to the MBTI. It is noted to take a few stabs at Keirsey and for filling itself with pop culture references known for its time.

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery, by Riso and Hudson – While I am not as much of a fan of the Enneagram as I am the MBTI, I still pull this book out on occasion. It is a nice, complete overview of it. What I like about it the most though is it breaks down the 9 types into 9 levels of mental health. When you go from peak to valley, it is like reading a personal psychological horror story. For that reason, I often use it when discussing psychological and personality disorders as it relates to personality typing. Speaking of which…

The New Personality Self-Portrait, by Oldham and Morris – If you have any interest whatsoever in the DSM-IV personality disorders, but don’t want to read the whole thing (of which the PDs are a very small portion), GET THIS BOOK. It is not just a brief summary of each, its main focus is to go in the opposite direction of my previous recommendation. It views each personality disorder as an (unhealthy) subset of a larger personality style – of which one might have several – and then ask the question, “What will _____ be like if they were more mentally healthy?” It turns each disorder on its head by doing that.

Neuroscience of Personality, by Dario Nardi – I just finished this book. It takes each of the cognitive functions and explains what exactly your brain is doing when using them. From that it shows how each personality type’s noggin works. And despite being a book on neurology, it is very easy and quick read compared to all the above books. But the price tag IMHO is a bit steep. There is a 90 minute YouTube video out there of the author giving a lecture if you search for it.