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> trying to make him grow up too fast

I've got an almost 5 year old and just letting him be himself, but correcting the 'bad' behaviour when it happens has been working. Explaining things on his terms, like being nice to his mum and brother and the other kids he knows - and the reasons why (in language he can understand seems to be working. I also bought Choice Parenting - my wife and I are about half way through, but the relationship dynamic has changed for the better already, i.e. I feel I have some decent tools to deal with my son that create positive outcomes already and the feedback from his behaviour has been awesome, even when he's hungry and/or tired...

On the value of money... he's a bit young in my opinion, there's plenty of time to learn about that, probably from 7 or 8 onwards. As another poster mentioned, reading up on child development and how their brain changes through the years will help a lot.

I think by posting your question and admitting you don't have all the answers will give your son a dad he will be proud of in later years. Best of luck (to both of us!).

Here is some different advice:

Step 1: get excited. Sounds like you have that part under control. :-)

Step 2:
Don’t worry about a once a day weed habit. My wife smokes, and our kids have turned out amazing. I totally get the desire to be your best. But if weed does it for you, then do it. I believe it helps her be a better mom.

She only ever does it after the kids go to sleep. Or i’ll watch the kids for awhile so she can restore.

Step 3:

Getting the baby, you and your wife regular (all thru the night) sleep is so critical. Our pediatrician was so great and coached us to have all our kids sleeping through the night by 2 months old. It makes a massive difference in your wife’s sanity levels. You’ll be a safer, more engaged parent if you have sleep.

Here is a book I found on Amazon. Pick a winner and take control of this for your family. It’s an amazing gift to your team if you can make this happen.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night https://www.amazon.com/dp/0071381392/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7dwdBbKNKE0D3

Rules for my Newborn Daughter by Walker Lamond. It's more of a novelty or coffee table book done in the style of a 1950s etiquette guide, but has some fun and insightful quips. It's more of a Father's Day gift than a "go out and buy yourself" book. However, I found it inordinately useful. Such fun quips include:

"If a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh"

"You don't drink wine at the ballpark"

"The easiest way to express your individualism is through clothes. It's also the least interesting."

"Check the high-tide mark before you camp"

"If you are going to Florida, you'd better have a really good reason."

Hey! My partner and I have a three week old. I'm definitely not qualified to offer advice yet (or caught up on sleep), but here are three books that I'm very thankful to have read.


Great advice on how to keep your relationship healthy:

And Baby Makes Three


How to be awesome during pregnancy/labor/delivery:

The Birth Partner


Evidence-based info on how to calm an infant--don't let the cheesy title fool you. I can't imagine what the last couple weeks would've been like without reading this:

The Happiest Baby on the Block

Wish we had one, but we managed okay with a birthing class, a great supportive birthing team (my wife's sisters), and prepping by reading the best birth.

https://www.amazon.com/Best-Birth-Healthiest-Satisfying-Delivery/dp/0738211214

Read Expectant Father . Even my wife thought it was the best and most informative of any books we read.

Other than that, take it all in and be as supportive as you can. Congrats and good luck.

We flew 2 hrs with a 14 month old. We took favorite books, there are these water coloring activities that he liked, it’s just a brush with water in it that changes the paper to different colors. All else failed we went to CoCo that we downloaded through Netflix and is the only bit of TV he cares for so far.

Good luck and we were flying to destin Florida so we had a bunch of children all ages on there so any noise was fine. Weirdly our child was super chill the whole time.

Sounds like this is your first? Congrats on becoming a dad!

If it helps, from what I've heard I think that's pretty common. Can I recommend a book? I really like The New Father. There's some sections in there that talk about how to deal with situations that sound very similar to yours. (I tried to dig up the section that I was thinking of so I could copy-paste it, but I couldn't find it - sorry.)

I'd start by making sure you're having lots of honest communication with your fiance. In your post, you talk about how you're feeling, but you don't mention her feelings. Why is she acting this way? Is she exhausted? Overwhelmed? Different people react to stress in different ways, so don't try to work backwards from her actions and guess at her motivations. Communication will be key here!

Some concrete advice:

1. See if you can set up a ritual that allows you to have 15 minutes of conversation with one another every day, no exceptions. You may also find it helpful to have a "no-kid-talk" policy, to give yourselves a break from your infant-centered lives.
   
   
2. Read that dad book! I've found it really helpful.
   
   
3. For intimacy, try taking some of the pressure off. Not all intimacy needs to lead to sex. What if you offered your fiance a no-strings-attached back rub?
   
   
4. Talk to your fiance about postpartum depression. It affects a lot of new parents - the percentage is very high! I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but be aware it could be a factor.

I used these for my 2 year old when we took a 20 hour flight. They work well.

FIRIK Kids Headphones Volume Limited with Easy Adjustable Toddler Costume Silky Headband Headphones for Children, Perfect for Air Travel, Home and Christmas Birthday Gift - Llama https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LZ2WK9L/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VZRmDbHH1AS67

Communicating is the most important thing and by that I don't mean asking what's wrong, I mean expressing what you are trying to do and what you feel to your partner who should feel encouraged to do the same. Communicating is about you telling your partner about yourself and listening when they do the same. I know too many people that think asking their partner what they feel or what to do is communicating but it ignores the mental load and ultimately isn't very effective communication and doesn't promote good cooperation either.

The only book I have particularly liked is Nurture by Nature. It's got elements to it that are a bit of a reach but overall it's useful in how it talks not just about different ways of interacting with the world, learning, and living but how a parent with different experiences can identify and properly encourage a child that's different to themselves.

Oh it's hard. But once you're past this "fourth trimester" you're getting skills down (and relearning and altering as the new person changes) and your new person is more ready to interact with people and the world.

What helped my wife and I with sleep: cosleeping. We set up a room that was dark, mattress on the floor, quiet. We could take him in there when he was having a tough night and he did much better sleeping next to his mom. Check out the The Baby Book by Dr Sears and the chapter on sleep.

My wife found this to be a lifesaver with nursing: My Brest Friend Original Nursing Posture Pillow, Grey & Yellow Fireworks https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003TSDMH8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jmE6CbZJD7TSF

There are also lactation consultants.

The first two weeks, neither of us slept together. Our baby would only sleep on a person but we tag teamed. You're not in it alone, neither is your SO. Ask her what she needs and talk about what you need. Communication and support is always going to be important but it'll make you a stronger team too.

It'll always be hard and it gets hard in different ways. Fresh in, though, it's a form of torture. It's sleep deprivation mixed with what feels like anger, rejection, and humiliation. That's not what your baby's meaning to communicate. Hungry, gassy, dirty, sleepy, sleepy fighting sleep, bored, overstimulated, cold, hot. That's the check lost my wife and I read somewhere and go through whenever there's crying that can't be solved by a change in position. That's most of what a new born will complain about (outside being sick, if nothing else works you might need the rectal thermometer).

Good for you for reaching out. Community helps. Communication helps. Perspective helps. The tortured feeling of a new parent passes and, on balance, it's a hard but great time.