Best products from r/GenderCritical

This is going to be long, so bear with me.

1. Stop dating males. Stop fucking males. Stop giving males the time of day when you aren't getting paid for it. If every woman did this, androcracy would be over inside of a week. But even apart from the politics of it, this is the best move for your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being as a woman.
   
   
2. I'm pleasantly surprised to see that other members have mentioned Boston marriages, asexual women/lesbians, nonsexual romance, etc in their replies. Yes, these exist, and have been around for a long time. I'm one such woman, who's attracted to women and wants a female partner, but doesn't want genital sex.
   
   I think it's cool that you recognize you can and do want a nonsexual partnership/relationship with a woman. And it's also cool that you have experience being single for long stretches. That's always a plus for women, particularly het women.
   
   My advice is as follows--
   
   
3. Be honest and upfront right out of the gate, about what you're looking for and yes, your past heterosexuality. Lesbians who want sexual romance and/or who are wary of bisexual and ex-het women, deserve to know where you're coming from so that they can opt out if you don't meet their criteria.
   
   
4. Take the time to deconstruct your internalized misogyny, lesbophobia, and male identification. All women acquire this shit after growing up in this world. If you want the best possible relationship with another woman you can have, then you need to purge the aforementioned toxic crap from your psyche. This is a process. Read as much radical and lesbian feminist writing as you can get your hands on, and preferably from the 20th century, because that's where the real shit mostly comes from. Think critically about your own beliefs, feelings, etc, particularly when it comes to men vs. women, hets vs. lesbians, etc.
   
   I think it's a valuable excercise to also reflect on why you chose to be heterosexual in the past and how authentic your attraction and desire were/are for men. You say that your "sexual feelings" have always been directed toward men and that you've tried to feel sexual toward women without success. Reflect on what those sexual feelings toward men actually entailed and when and how they started. Too many women who ID and live as het claim that they've only ever sexually desired males, and yet when they talk about the actual fucking and interaction with males, it becomes clear that they either rarely or never experienced actual pleasure and emotional connection in these sexual encounters, and/or their "attraction" to men is actually secondary to the mere pattern and assumption of being het since adolescence. Do not underestimate the power of the desire to be accepted, approved of, and to enjoy het privilege/status.
   
   Most people are used to approaching romance/sexuality from a male-identified perspective, which places sex at the forefront and the starting point and separates the mind, body, heart, and spirit in a way that isn't natural to women and the love between women. Yes, some lesbians do experience immediate sexual desire for strangers or women they aren't actually in love with, and while there's nothing wrong with that at all, it's not the ONLY way that lesbians/women experience desire, attraction, and love for other women.
   
   Male/het society reduces lesbianism to sex, because it hates the idea of women actually loving each other and being totally independent of males. Male/het society wants to reduce lesbianism to a porn category, make lesbians into sex objects, etc. They don't know anything about lesbian love, let alone lesbian love between female-identified, feminist lesbians. So don't base your expectations and perspective of lesbian love on what men and het women have told you about it, what the media portrays, etc. The lesbian feminist conceptualization of love between women and lesbian existence understands that being a lesbian is about exclusively loving other women, that love being the bottomline and the core. Sex/passion/eros flows from that love, is a part of that love, but is not by itself the definition of lesbianism or the most important element. Of course, most lesbians desire sex within their romantic relationships, but sex is not what lesbianism is ABOUT. And this is often the dividing line between bisexual women and lesbians: most bi women want lesbian sex on the side of their het lifestyle and aren't willing to deal with all that loving a woman as your partner entails, while lesbians love women and only women, whether they're having sex or single or not.
   
   Anyway--it's entirely possible to unlearn false attraction to men and to discover that you're more attracted to women than you once thought. Tons of lesbians went through this process as a result of feminism in the 70s. On the one hand, I want to say that nowadays, it's easier to know you're a lesbian from childhood than it was for women born in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s, because lesbianism is more visible and less dangerous now than it was back then; on the other hand, all non-lesbians still hate the fuck out of lesbians and we've got all this gender, queer theory, universal bisexuality, sexual fluidity bullshit going on in mainstream culture, so in reality, it may not be any easier for girls and women to know and to choose lesbian life now than it was 50 years ago. The pressures to be het are just different, not less.
   
   Don't think of finding a female partner in terms of "dating." Dating is a het thing. It's also unnecessary. Make friends with women, be open about what you're looking for, and let nature takes it course. Love that grows from friendship is the best kind, anyway. And don't be surprised if you fall in love with a woman and then find out that your feelings about sex change, although it's totally okay if you continue to prefer a nonsexual intimate partnership.
   
   On OKC, you can select "asexual" in addition to "bisexual" or "lesbian" or the dreaded "queer." So maybe you can try that out. Again, just be as honest as you were here about what you want and where you're coming from.
   
   There's a book about contemporary "Boston Marriages," if you're interested. The term was originally coined to describe presumably nonsexual domestic partnerships between women in the 1800s, who could afford to opt out of het marriage and decided to partner with each other instead. This book is more about lesbian relationships that become nonsexual, except one of the stories is about a relationship that was never sexual at all but still quite sensual. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0870238760/ref=cm_sw_su_dp
   
   There are definitely self-identified asexual women who are looking for nonsexual partnerships with other women. There are also self-identified lesbians who don't care much for sex. So yeah. If you want a partner and you're cool with never having sex again, you don't have to settle for being single or more horror with men. But do be considerate of lesbians who are looking for lovers and/or prefer to be with other never-het lesbians.
   
   

Of course! I actually got it because I've always been into art, but always had a special place in my heart for pencil sketching & it was just something new I wanted to learn about. She begins by explaining the industry & how it's changed in modern times... which honestly was semi disappointing to hear cause that was a type of work I wanted to look into, but it seems like an industry losing to tech, since programs with pre loaded images/ features, can be utilized by cops to save $ ... however; not that it's completely lost either, you just need to excel, cause artists have certain skills to listen, then capture appearances. I guess you could say it's one of those things only certain people may have a knack for... & if so, then it could be something to persue. I appreciate her honesty about the challenges - it's refreshing.

I'll link to Amazon, because it'll give you a preview. I wanted to explain it a bit though, because it moves pretty quickly, past what I mentioned, going into forensic art history, then onto actually techniques/ examples, even the different methods (sculpture, drawings, etc) It's pretty good for anyone looking for an introduction into the whole topic. What's really neat, is that she also explains the differences in race, sex, age, & how that can be determined, down to determining skin thickness!

Anyway, enough of my rambling! It's called "Ask a forensic artist" by Lisa Bailey

Ask a forensic artist

I'm glad I'm vegan long enough now that I don't even really realize it anymore and don't feel the need to frequent any online vegan spaces. Like any place for any group online there's a lot of stupidity and of course plenty of misogyny.

Vegan spaces I'd put on par with libfem ones for the degree of misogyny that is celebrated. Lots of nudity, lots of imagery of violence. Libfems pretend it's 'for female empowerment'; vegans pretend it's 'for the animals'. Either way it's the same ol' standard rank and file 21st century western misogyny at play. Don't people ever get sick of not thinking for themselves? Not creating anything themselves? It's all so boring and uninspired. I realize that's like the least pressing issue about all of it, but sometimes I just wonder, don't people at least tire of that aspect?

Kind of off topic now but for practical purposes honestly I don't even seek out vegan websites (or subreddits) for recipes anymore. Either figure out my own these days, like the lentil bolognese I made last night (amaaazing), or far better resources are simply picking up non-'western' cookbooks. My latest acquisitions are Samarkand and Taste of Persia. So many amazing, exciting, fresh, flavorful vegetable based recipes that have stood the test of time, that you know are good cause all these countries full of non-vegans are eating them. Next on the wishlist is probably The Malaysian Kitchen, and old favorites are Lebanese Home Cooking and Middle Eastern Vegetarian Cookbook. Sorry I know OT, but I just love cookbooks. What's the word for the cookbook-obsessed? Like foodie, but... cookbookie?

But anyway for fucks sake come on. I assumed most vegans would feel the same as I which is jesus christ people drink some damn almond/soy/oat/rice/bean/flax/whatever milk. I can understand wanting a meat substitute since it is pretty inimitable, but milk? It's just creamy white stuff with some fat protein and sugars. Not hard to imitate, and frankly the plant based versions are superior anyway. I would challenge anyone to stop eating dairy for a year or two, then tell me it doesn't smell rancid and sweaty. You get desensitized to it when you consume it regularly but give yourself a break from it and your nose will pick up on those things big time. But bottom line it's just not necessary. It's the most frivolous, weird, and frankly disgusting part of non-vegan eating. I would think that would be the message (ok probably in more marketable inviting terms), not "well let's just have human women do it". ??? Ultimate facepalm.

\> My backup right now is a freaking xl prefold cloth diaper (I honestly wish I was kidding. I'm not)

You want reusable pads with bamboo-fiber terry inner lining and poly outer lining. Sounds awful, is amazing.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EFN5YCG <-- I like these. Make sure you get the WHITE lining, that's the real bamboo, the charcoal is some synthetic nastiness. It's breathable, incredibly absorbent and moisture-wicking, and the poly fabric of the base means they basically never bleed through, ever.

Also, menstrual cups might work for you, but they might not, and which one works best for which woman is very dependent on anatomy and personal preferences. The FemmyCycle has an awful name, but it's specifically designed to be heavy period friendly and have much better spill proofing than other cups. Mine was a little bit too wide for me to use comfortably, but they have multiple sizes now and I've been considering trying a new one out.

Diva + reusable bamboo pads works pretty damn well for me. Certainly more comfortable and more dependable than OB + disposable pads or the awful felt pads that are apparently just used by like, earth goddess hippie yoga instructors who never get heavy flows because their chakras are perfectly aligned, which I guess must also be what keeps them from getting swamp crotch when they have a piece of thick, non-breathable felted knit fabric jammed up next to their cooch all day.

Depends entirely on your background.

1. Are you a high school student or freshman college student who's thinking of an academic career in this area? If yes, then pick the regular biology major and take as much math courses as is permitted by your curriculum. It's essential to have the entire calculus sequence, differential equations, and 1-2 calculus-based courses in probability and stats before seriously tackling math biology. A couple of game theory courses from economics will also help. Then, in any typical American university you should be able to find specialized advanced courses in evolutionary biology and complex systems - typically from the biology department but occasionally from math, comp-sci, econ and sociology departments. They may be undergrad or grad-level, but you would be well qualified for them regardless.
   
2. Are you a 3th/4th year college student? Chances are it's too hard to formally switch into the field of evolutionary biology at this point, but there will still be self-contained topical courses of interest offered at the above-mentioned departments, and you'll have to figure out on a case-by-case basis if you'll be allowed to take them and then further develop your interest by yourself.
   
3. Are you out of college and trying to study this subject as an amateur? Depending on the extent of your math background, these self-contained books might be suitable for you:
   
   (from the math side of modeling)
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Mathematical-Biology-Classics-Applied-Mathematics/dp/0898715547/
   
   (from the application side of modeling)
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Cooperative-Species-Human-Reciprocity-Evolution-ebook/dp/B0050PADW0/
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Complex-Adaptive-Systems-Introduction-Computational-ebook/dp/B00CTLFPNK/
   
   Note that these recommendations are tailored for someone specifically interested in the "modelling" side of evolutionary dynamics. All three books above are written by active academics with a strong background in math.
   
   For someone who's rather interested in the broad subject of evolutionary biology as a whole, the answer would be very different, but I'm not qualified to answer that question because, as mentioned, I have virtually no knowledge of the empirical/scientific side.

>I wish I could do the rhythm method but I can't, because my periods very between 40-60, but it hurts to know there are many women like me that may love their normal cycles but never experience them or even know about them, ever.

The rhythm method is nonsense anyway, even if you had a typical length cycle. There's a joke that goes, "What do you call couples who use the rhythm method? Parents!"

But you could still look into Fertility Awareness Method, which is different. It's not based on a prediction of a typical/average cycle, it's based on tracking what your body is doing right now, in your current cycle. You'll know on a day to day basis whether you're in follicular or luteal phase, and whether unprotected PIV can or cannot result in pregnancy. And when it can, you just use condoms or think outside the box as I always say.

And as for irregular cycles it's pretty fantastic because you'll know when you ovulate and thus can predict to the day about two weeks in advance exactly when you'll get your period. And then the day of you'll get another reminder. So you can put a pad on/cup in in advance. It makes me feel like a magical wizard. I love it.

Another option thought might be the copper IUD. Personally I've heard a fair number of unfavorable anecdotes (like making periods and cramps way worse) but it clearly works for some women and it'd let you keep your cycle.

Okay ya, I don’t agree with most of what your saying. Frist off evolutionary phycology isn’t real science because it’s all just theory and can’t be backed up. So in all honesty is BS that sounds logical so people just go with it.

Secondly women don’t just “go off sex” it has more to do with attachment and “male as default” sexual desire being the standard. Please read come as you are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. It’s the most up to date science backed book on female sexuality. The truth is our society prizes male sexual desire standard of “spontaneous” desire over the female norm of “responsive” desire. It also goes into the dual control model of human sexuality, and destroys the myth of a “sex drive”.

Lastly alpha/bate is a really big lie that has been being perpetuated for the last 5 decades. The idea of the “alpha” male comes from Rudolph Schenkel an animal behaviorist in the 1940’s and David Mech in the 1970. Mech who wrote a book on his theory. People (I mean men) took this idea and started to apply it to humans. Unfortunately Mech (and Schenkel) were both wrong, and Mech spent the rest of his life trying to correct this belief. In truth when he wrote the original book he was studying wolfs in captivity. However in the wild the “pack” is actually just a single family and the “alpha’s” were actually just the parents. He discovered this discrepancy after going back to study for a follow up book.

Susan Brownmiller's book Femininity was an important text for me in terms of figuring out how to negotiate the requirements of cultural femininity in the context of being a radical feminist.

https://www.amazon.com/Femininity-Susan-Brownmiller/dp/0449901424/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

From a review:

"Insecurity about whether we are sufficiently feminine runs deep in girls and women, particularly as we break the stereotypical values of our culture that still honors motherhood at the top of the heap of what a female should want most in life. At a time when women are breaking through traditional barriers at work, in sports, in politics, etc. we are also tying ourselves in knots in order to present a nonthreatening appearance-- be it via ridiculous shoes, thigh-high skirts, long blonde hair, a show of bosom, or a soft reticence and wide-eyed attitude that hides efficiency and assertiveness when in the company of men.

"This book acknowledges that some aspects of femininity are based on biological femaleness, while other entrenched aspects are merely restrictive cultural impositions that allow men to feel more comfortable in their masculinity without having to leap through hoops or tie themselves in knots. It also acknowledges that "the feminine esthetic" can be beautiful and fun. But when it works against accomplishment and achievement, call it the handicap that it rightly is."

It's not even in print anymore! OMG that is so sad.

You are so welcome and I am grateful for your response as well. It is hard to find likeminded women who are women centered. I am only in my mid 30s and was raised by a father who gaslit me constantly for my entire development so I fell for it really hard when it came back around in the form of transactivism. It took me five years of floundering around, miserable and hating myself to the point of being 'nonbinary' then reading older feminist works and talking to some other women online who shared the other political beliefs I had (which now fall under the umbrella of radical feminism, apparently wanting to live your life free from male violence is radical) for me to wake up. That was only a year ago.

​

I just finished reading the book Female Erasure edited by Ruth Barrett (which I guess I mentioned in the original post but literally spent all day reading the last third so it's fresh in my mind) and it gave me the kind of true understanding of all this in a cohesive and compassionate way that galvanized me to keep speaking up and out about it all. It truly is a war on women and girls paralleled only by the Right's continual version of the war on women and girls they have been perpetuating for generations. Unfortunately, both are being ignored or wrongly defined by the only people who've ever historically done anything at all for us, and it will take a lot to resist this. I found this book to be an excellent starting point. I wish I could hand out copies to everyone I know. You may find some solidarity there. It covers a lot of history I was not around to experience, as well as a lot of what is going on today from the very lives of the women who are the victims of this religion.

​

Totally agree about the climate change thing. I've started using that as my go to comparison. It pisses people off but it's perfect.

This is not my original post, but I joined OP in sending some and now I am sharing!

Here's the best price on wire hangers with Prime. https://www.amazon.com/ProCare-Strong-Silver-Galvanized-Hangers/dp/B015RXAFZY/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=UYU3BOEYTWCZ&keywords=dry+cleaner+hangers+wire&qid=1555294593

Reusable cups and I didn't work together, but I love Instead Softcups--they're a ring with thin plastic so they sit inside differently and are easier (imo) to remove (no mega-suction) and are disposable (which is an ecological minus, but a public restroom plus).

https://www.amazon.com/Softcup-14-Disposable-Menstrual-Discs/dp/B000X29GY6/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1526310494&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=instead%2Bsoftcup&th=1

Here is psychologist Dr.Gary Wood’s description of his great important gender myth debunking book,Sex Lies And Stereotypes:Challenging Views Of Women,Men And Relationships






It says it even offers free non-surgical gender reassignment for every reader and this book first came out back in March 2005 before the transgender explosion and transgendering of children became so disturbingly common.









https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sex-Lies-Stereotypes-Challenging-Relationships/dp/1843308940/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1494826861&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=Dr.Gary+wood+Sex%2CLies+And+Stereotypes










And here are the great customer 5 reviews of this great important book,mine is one of them from March 2006.









https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sex-Lies-Stereotypes-Challenging-Relationships/dp/1843308940/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1494823199&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=Dr.Gary+wood+Sex%2CLies+And+Stereotypes

I'm of the opinion that the only thing that works with these big companies is to address the bottom line. i.e. women are 52% of the population and ignoring them has a detrimental effect on profits, especially given women actually earn and spend money these days. So, to give examples, why should half a company's potential customers buy products that:

Have a health app embedded that forgets that they menstruate or may want to track fertility? (Yes I'm looking at you Apple)

Develop new and improved phones that are too big for women to use efficiently?

Code their booking systems to assume anyone using the title Dr must be male?

Code their systems to assume that any female customer automatically changes name when married?

Code their systems to assume the male at any given address is the head of household?

​

Get them to realise this simple point and you open the way to expect women to be included in every step of the process, from design, to implementation to marketing.

​

I recommend Caroline Criado-Perez's new book "Invisible-Women-Exposing-World-DesignedMen "for a primer on women and data https://www.amazon.co.uk/Invisible-Women-Exposing-World-Designed/dp/1784741728/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Caroline+Criado-Perez&qid=1554290907&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Theres a concept that Nancy Friday mentioned in Women On Top. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07XG31Y2S

>When a boy enters our lives and wants to touch us there, of course it is unthinkable. We couldn’t do such a thing. Why should he? Why does he want to? That a man dreams of parting our lips with his fingers, looking at it, putting his mouth there, is so upsetting to some women that no honey-tongued lover could convince us otherwise. The clitoris, urethra, vagina, and anus have come to be thought of as one filthy, indistinguishable mass “down there.” This kind of thinking is called the Cloaca Concept. Cloaca is Latin for sewer.
>
>I can’t remember the name of the doctor or analyst who first used the term Cloaca Concept, but I remember my own emotional jolt of recognition. I was gathering material for My Secret Garden, and I could imagine the women who were contributing, oh so hesitantly, to my research twenty years ago feeling just that way about their genitals—a “sewer,” something to be touched with the utmost hesitation.

Friday, Nancy. Women on Top (p. 56). RosettaBooks. Kindle Edition.

Al lot of men are still at that stage, I'm sure this has a lot to do with the trend for shaving.

Of course having a hairy bum crack is far more common in men. I'm told...

I don't know if there will be a next time for you, but if there is, these 2 books might be helpful for that next guy:
Come as You Are,
She Comes First.

Some men can learn to do better.

this is intricately linked with 'queer'

this is a book aimed at NHS doctors

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sexuality-Gender-Mental-Health-Professionals/dp/085702843X

it is written by a transsexual doctor who works for the NHS gender service, and Meg John Barker, who is an Open University lecturer who writes books like 'Understanding Your Gender' and 'Life Isn't Binary'

The book which you can 'Search Inside' says that doctors should not judge these fetishes as they are perfectly ok and a safe way for people who were sexually abused to explore sex

Yes! On Amazon in both Kindle and paperback.
https://www.amazon.com/Female-Erasure-Gender-Politics-Rights/dp/0997146702/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

edit: I forgot you are in Australia. Check and see, I hope they have it!

This reminds me of an underemployed female friend, supported financially by a man, who encouraged me to read books about "reclaiming domestic crafts."

​

https://www.amazon.com/Homeward-Bound-Women-Embracing-Domesticity/dp/1451665458

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Women are still discouraged from participating in the job market, and still make less money than men for doing the same jobs, so I don't see how doing conventionally female crafts at home for very little money is a form of empowerment. It hurts to acknowledge that level of systemic oppression though, and seems to feel good to a lot of women to say that it's a voluntary dynamic.

Susan Brownmiller's book "Femininity" is a great read. It's a personal meditation as well as a more general discussion of the question of 'feminine' grooming standards - and how she, as a feminist, navigated these issues for herself.
https://www.amazon.com/Femininity-Susan-Brownmiller/dp/0449901424/ref=la_B000APM7NS_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1520437581&sr=1-3

I haven't read it yet, but I think the book Demonic Males would fit the bill. https://www.amazon.com/Demonic-Males-Origins-Human-Violence/dp/0395877431/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=demonic+males&qid=1575146978&s=books&sr=1-1

I recommend you read [this book for a convincing argument about how the rise of capitalism and the subjugation of women are directly related] (https://www.amazon.com/Caliban-Witch-Women-Primitive-Accumulation/dp/1570270597)

https://www.amazon.com/Female-Erasure-Gender-Politics-Rights/dp/0997146702

Here is the mobile version of your link

https://www.amazon.com/Female-Erasure-Gender-Politics-Rights/dp/0997146702 The kindle edition is only $10