Best products from r/GetMotivated

I struggled with low energy for most of my life. If you are serious about fixing your energy level, read this post carefully...I spent an awful lot of time trying to figure out what made my energy levels tick & finally got it figured out (for me, at least). Here is what I learned over the years:

1. The #1 provider of both energy & motivation is sleep, specifically (1) going to bed early, and (2) getting enough hours of sleep. For me, that first involved finding my "sleep window" at night (that time when you get sleepy, but try to ignore it & keep surfing the net/watching TV/reading the chapter you're on/etc.) - for me, that was around 8:30pm. Then figuring out how much sleep I needed...at least 7 hours. I actually get more tired if I sleep more than 9 hours or so, kind of over-tired.
   
   I call this natural energy & natural motivation because once you get dialed into good sleep hygiene, those feelings of energy & motivation come from a natural internal, uh, fountain. You just feel good without having to force yourself into it through exercise or getting excited about something or anything like that. I define energy as physically feeling like doing stuff instead of just feeling meh or drained or kinda depressed all the time. I define motivation as that feeling of excitement from using your brain, i.e. thinking about stuff. When you're tired, thinking about going out with your friends or grabbing some food or whatever can become a barrier, whereas when you feel good, it's easy to get excited & feel motivated about doing just about anything.
   
   This is entirely different than how most of the American population lives on a regular basis...most people live with constant sleep debt. We have so many distractions at night that it's all to easy to not listen to those quiet little signs from our body, like when your eyelids start drooping & you feel kinda sleepy. One tip here, don't go to sleep when your sleep window hits...you need to be in bed & ready for it to hit so you can simply doze off. If you feel sleepy & then start your bedtime routine, i.e. brushing your teeth & whatnot, you're going to wake yourself back up & miss your window.
   
   Think about the opposite: stay up late, ignore when your body is sending you signals that it wants to sleep, and either get too few hours of sleep or get too much sleep & be over-tired. Everybody wants a magic bullet for energy levels & nobody wants to sign up to the reality that it pretty much just boils down to maximizing your sleep habits. It's nearly impossible to master in today's society, however...Internet, television, books, friends, places open late, etc. You really have to make a serious commitment to make this a regular habit. Once you do, you can skip a night or two every week & have fun, like on the weekends, but mostly you have to stay on top of it to keep in the natural high-energy groove.
   
   
2. The most powerful motivation is mental. If you have something you're excited about, you'll do anything, no matter how you feel. I call sleep the #1 provider of motivation & energy because your physical body is the foundation of your health & it's easy to be consistent at doing it, whereas mental motivation can be pretty fickle, but mental motivation is really the strongest thing there is to amp up your energy levels. Think about something you got MEGA excited about, like looking forward to a date or a new video game or whatever you geek out on (or, uh, when a new Harry Potter book would drop & you'd stay up all night to read it...hahaha) - mentally you get some jazzed up that even if you were exhausted, you were still pumped!
   
   On the flip side, if you have a job you hate, family problems, money issues, etc., and you're stressed out all the time, you're going to feel pretty drained all day. Fortunately that's 99% controlled by perspective, which can be fixed if you want it to be. For starters, I'd recommend reading the short book "Attitude is Everything" by Jeff Keller. It's available as a Kindle e-book on Amazon if you want to read it in a browser:
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Attitude-Everything-Change-Your-Life/dp/0979041031
   
   Aside from having an attitude shift (which is something most people can benefit from, at least to some degree), I've found the two most important things for being mentally motivated is to (1) have a hot project you're working on right now, and (2) have another hot project lined up in the que to look forward to. If you're just bumming around all the time & also don't have anything cool coming up next, it's kind of hard to get psyched about, well, anything. Think about it like ordering pizza...you've got something hot & delicious on the way that you can be amped up about (hey, I like food, don't judge me lol).
   
   Also, remember back to when you were a kid...you could live off chicken nuggets & sugar and you felt awesome all day & ran around like crazy. Everything was exciting & fun to do because you were naturally bursting with energy. You slept as long as you needed & (hopefully) your parents made you go to bed at a reasonable hour. Moving forward to adulthood, you basically have to self-manage that stuff now. A lot of people don't & end up with low energy and feeling depressed all the time. And it's hard to manage, if you don't know what to do!
   
   
3. In the words of George Carlin, "ya gotta wanna". If you really want to improve your energy levels, you'll dig in & find a way to do it. Not that I know everything about motivation, but reading this post should point you in the right direction because it's something I've struggled with personally & have spent a lot of time & energy trying to nail down the why's & how's of unlocking the secrets of motivation & staying in a high-energy state. So at the most basic level, it boils down to desire. If you really want to do it, you'll find a way & stick with it, even when the changes are hard.
   
   
4. Food is right behind sleep. I'll share my favorite eating system - IIFYM. Basically it's the idea that your body is a machine that needs to burn a certain amount of calories each day, and to feel the best, you need a certain amount of protein, carbs, and fats throughout the day. That doesn't mean that you have to eat plain chicken & broccoli to be healthy, just that you need to keep an eye on your intake so that you're getting sufficient energy from food throughout the day. I also like to break my meals in half & eat smaller meals throughout the day to keep my energy up, i.e. half a sandwich at 10:30 & the other half at noon. Find what works for you, but whatever it is, make sure it provides you with good physical energy. Also, for me, I do better when I don't eat two or three hours before bed. I wake up feeling a LOT better if I don't eat right before I go to sleep. I also do a basic 24-hour food & water fast once a month to give my digestive system a break & is definitely something I'd recommend to help your energy levels.
   
   
5. Exercise is important, but maybe not for the reason you think. I'm not sure how to say this succinctly, but here it goes: a lot of how you feel has to do with food & digestion, and exercise helps the digestion process, which boosts your mood. And releases endorphins & all that. When you sit around & do nothing physically, the food isn't being pushed through your body like it should be from walking around or doing focused exercise & stuff like that, so it's easy to become lethargic. That's why people feel pumped & why exercise makes you feel good...not so much because you get endorphins, but because you're basically forcing your digestion system to work properly, which in turns improves your mood. That's the basic idea anyway.
   
   Think about when you stuff yourself at Thanksgiving & sit around all day...you feel totally lethargic. Being a couch potato is a great way to lower your energy levels. In most jobs these days, you sit at a desk all day & never get the chance to move around much. It's easy to fall into a haze of brain fog & be a loaf, which of course does nothing good for your energy levels
   
   
6. Stress management. It's easy to have your energy zapped when you have a lot of stress. The best way to deal with stress is to have a way to manage it. My favorite system is the Getting Things Done system by David Allen. Also available as a browser-readable Kindle eBook from Amazon:
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0143126563
   
   I'll warn you that it is NOT an easy system to implement, but if you do, it basically lets you ensure that you never let anything slide again. Nothing rolling around the back of your mind. The basic concept is to capture 100% of your commitments & then use a workflow to figure out what to do next on each one. Although it doesn't specifically address it in the book, you can branch this action management strategy out to other areas like meal planning, finances, and so on. When you're not stressed out, you're typically much happier & have higher energy levels because you're not being mentally drained all the time.
   
   (1/2)

Looks like you've heard some of the terminology, and now it's time to apply it. Have you read the book where this comes from? The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. There is a simplified website you can walk through too here. You don't necessarily have to change your cues and rewards, it's easier to change the routine.

Set some goals and targets. What exactly are you trying to achieve? To set a goal, it has to be specific, measurable, achievable, make it relevant, and in what time frame (this is known as the SMART criteria for setting objectives). You haven't told us what you need to work on, but it sounds like you want to study more, so I'm assuming that from now on. Don't just set a goal like "I want to read this textbook". Be more like, "I want to read and summarise x number of pages by y date by using z"

Once you've set a goal like that, then you can look at your habit loop. Your reward should be linked to your objective that you worked a bit on your studies/project etc, or that you didn't snack. Your cues seem like it's when you get up, and when you get home when you have time on your hands. You've set a wide 5h time frame when you get up. If you regulated your sleep more so that have a more predictable schedule, then you can put in time to the books. If you set aside 1h per day on studies for 1 month, that's 30h of solid work time there. If you put a cost on that and said $30/h for a tutor to help you, then that's $900. Ask yourself how much time and money you will waste keeping on doing what you're doing now and have a hard think about it.

From what I've read, your cues:

1. Waking up
   
2. Finishing breakfast
   
3. Getting home from work
   
   Rewards:
   
   
4. Getting social media fix
   
5. Good feelings from listening to music
   
6. Satisfaction from watching tv/movies
   
   Translating to the habit loop becomes (Cue > Routine > Reward):
   
   
7. Wake up > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
   
8. Finish breakfast > Turn on Netflix > caught up on tv/movies!
   
9. Finish breakfast > Turn on music > dopamine fix!
   
10. Get home from work > Check fb/reddit > social media fix!
    
11. Get home from work > Turn on music > dopamine fix!
    
    This is where your goal and habit tie in. How do you feel when you achieve the milestones along the way in your goal? You feel good! That's dopamine as you've already identified. I know when I learn something new or do something well, you get that same feeling. Why not use that same thing as a starting point for your reward? Clearly you will need to give up your 8+h of slacking around on fb/reddit/netflix. I sincerely hope that you can see that this is the part that's hurting you. You will need to sacrifice something here, but in the long run, social media, watching tv and listening to music are not necessarily going to help you achieve your goals (unless intrinsically linked like you want to be a musician/actor etc).
    
    Some new habits you could try:
    
    
12. Wake up > Study > dopamine fix!
    
13. Finish breakfast > Study > dopamine fix!
    
14. Get home from work > Study > dopamine fix!
    
    Some further thoughts and questions I had:
    
    

• Do you have to work nights? Can you switch to a day job?
  
• Can you eat at work or on the way home so you don't snack when you get home?
  
• Can you sleep less? 8h is great, but if you could go on 6h, you could also get some time there
  
• Why do you feel the need to check social media so much? Can you cut down? (Is this a stupid old person comment?)
  
• Can you delay gratification? As in, can you focus on study during the week and then reward yourself with netflix on the weekend?
  
• Another thing you can try is to not turn your computer on when you get up and hit the books straight away
  
• Can you try streamlining your day more and fit in some exercise? This would also be beneficial to your energy levels
  
• I usually like to work with music in the background. If not too distracting, then you can do the same, and get some additional motivation/dopamine while studying
  
  Anyways, that turned out to be a monster post. Hope it helps. PM me if you want to talk further. You seem like you're heading into a dire situation and need help. Happy to lend a helping hand if you need mate.
  
  Cheers,
  Richy

Ahh one of the problems young men face in today's society, the absence of a rite of passage. That sounds similar to what you're looking for; this article touches on it a bit.


> At the heart of the modern crisis of manhood is the extension of adolescence, a boyhood which is stretching on for a longer and longer period of time. Once thought to end in a man’s 20s at the latest, men are extending their adolescence into their 30′s and in some especially sad cases, their 40′s.

>But in some ways it’s not their fault. It’s the fault of a culture in which rites of passage have all but disappeared, leaving men adrift and lost, never sure when and if they’ve become men. Today’s men lack a community of males to initiate them into manhood and to recognize their new status.

>Across time and place, cultures have inherently understood that without clear markers on the journey to manhood, males have a difficult time making the transition and can drift along indefinitely. Thus, rites of passage were clearly delineated in nearly every culture as one of the community’s most important rituals.

I'm not sure of a suitable challenge or hardship for you, that's something that only you can decide. There's a few simple tasks that if done daily can improve your life.

I'll start with the easy stuff:

Fitness:

1.) Start Weightlifting

You're 18 years old and in relatively good shape i'm assuming ("biked through some mountainous canadian villages,"). There's literally no reason for you not to weightlift or run.

Weightlifting:

• Because you're 18, you'll make strength gains pretty quickly.
  
• You only need to weightlift 3 days a week (45-60 mins per session. Most of the time you'll be sitting down resting in between sets).
  
• In 2 months (probably less) your results will be visible, you'll feel stronger, more confident, have more energy, etc.
  
• The endorphin's released after a workout are awesome.
  
  
  Here are few progress pics from /r/Fitness : [1] [2] [3]
  
  Please tell me you'll start weightlifting or at least running; time will pass whether or not you lift, best to make gains along the way :)
  
  Find a powerlifting gym in your area (they're generally cheaper than commercial gyms, allow you to grunt, use chalk, and actually lift heavy weight)
  
  Meditate:
  
  Start to meditate everyday.
  
  >Benefits to meditation
  >Like exercise, your benefits will depend on your efforts.
  
  >Greater mental abilities as the mind concentrates with greater ease and there is less restless thought happening.
  
  >Greater insights into your own behavior and that of others, so the ability to live with less regret happens.
  
  >Greater physical abilities as the awareness of the body is increased, as well as the ability to visualize--if that is your objective.
  
  >Greater emotional clarity as one learns to deal with and release difficult emotions.
  
  >A greater feeling of contentment and oneness with life as the obstructions in the mind recede.
  
  Philosophy:
  
  Begin to read and study philosophy.
  
  Good Introductory Books are:
  
  

1. The Problems of Philosophy - Bertrand Russell
   
2. Sophie's World -
   
   
   One really good lecture series on ethics:
   
   Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do? Episode 01 "THE MORAL SIDE OF MURDER"
   
   Social Skills:
   
   Go out and meet knew people, fool around with girls, talk to strangers, etc. Try to stay away from the computer as much as possible.
   
   
3. /r/seduction (Read all of the sidebar, even if you never want to pickup women it's just great life advice).
   
4. /r/socialskills
   
5. /r/SocialEngineering
   
   All have some damn good articles and posts on body language, self-confidence, etc... that'll make you a lot more confident in social situations if you go out and practice; talking to a human, whether it's a boss or a cute girl on the street, is a learn-able skill that can be improved.
   
   Read How to Make Friends & Influence People. The title is not the best but it's a classic book and insanely useful.
   
   Read:
   
   Delete your Reddit account, stop watching television, and read.
   
   Read Plato, Marcus Aurelius, Camus, Thoreau, and Orwell. Read Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Keats. Read old english, sci-fi, old fantasy novels, etc.
   
   A few lists:
   
   
6. Art of Manliness
   
   
7. Reddit threads: [1] [2] [3] [4]
   
   Reddit's Favorite Books
   
   Benefits of reading:
   
   

• It'll really open your mind to the vastness of the world
  
• You'll realize that anything you "have ever thought/felt has been thought/felt by men for ages before me and will be for ages after."
  
• You'll mature.
  
  Create something:
  
  Whether you write stories, music, or draw try to create something. Try to write 300 words everyday on any topic you want, a random dream you had, tasty food, etc.
  
  Travel:
  
  Work on a farm for a week or two while staying in the home of complete strangers. Helpx
  Miscellaneous things:
  
  Misc:
  
  /r/LucidDreaming
  
  
  tl;dr
  
  Make the most of your time and try to improve yourself as much as possible in the next 300 days; whether physically (weightlifting!), mentally, or spiritually.
  
  Decrease reddit/internet use and go outside, hit on random beautiful women, make new friends, etc.

Hey emyouth,

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must have been so very hard on you.

> How do I start seizing opportunities so I don't look back on my life with bitterness and regret?

So one path that I think could really work for you is called ACT. The principle is that a lot of the problems we experience come from fighting against ever feeling painful thoughts and memories causing behavioural avoidance. Things like withdrawing, staying in bed, eating etc. can be tactics to avoid pain.

The solution is counter-intuitive - its to become willing to feel pain so you no longer need avoidance and can start living a full life again. This book is full of exercises, its hard work but mind-blowing:

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259

This one is a bit easier going:

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

> I've gained about 40-50 pounds

I've been there, and this might sound odd to say, but it presents a great opportunity. It might not seem like something in your control, but it is. Lifestyle changes are great things to play with and simply any form of change can start making things look brighter.

So I know diet evangelism is pretty annoying... so apologies... but I suggest taking a look at r/keto. Look at how many amazing success stories there and how supportive the community is. One theme you will see is how easy people are finding it. You might find another way of eating that attracts you more.

Eating keto can be a hard step to take, but after a couple of days you adapt and it feels like its cheating because its so easy - you become free of junk cravings so it doesn't need willpower once over the initial hump. One reason I suggest keto is that when you start, you get a big drop in water weight. This doesn't mean much from a fat-loss perspective but it is HUGE to the spirit. You get a massive scale shift and look visually different almost immediately which really helps kick-start that positive spiral.

As you continue to see the scale go down and start to see visual changes, you begin fuelling a positive spiral that will grow your self-worth. What is fantastic is that its so measurable. Even if you can't see visual changes immediately you can see the scale go down. You can start going to bed a winner and waking up with the promise of some good news on the scale.

You probably know that exercise has a dramatic effect on well-being and will also fuel that positive spiral. But its also hard to start so suggesting can be unhelpful. The good news is that I often see that once people have started feeling the energy improvement from dropping a few pounds, exercise starts getting attractive again, and once you add that BOOM, you are now stoking a fire that helps you live the life you want.

Best of luck!

Thanks, I share your feeling. The first time I visited this subreddit I was looking for similar posts. I wondered how people could combine Reddit with their busy life or how they would be able to indeed create stuff by at the same time consuming so much. I could not find any of this idea at that time and I just kept surfing until a few months ago when I started frequenting Reddit less and less.

In the meantime I did not stop thinking about it, read The Shallows by Nicholas Carr and wondered how people could combine all this easy, distracting input (Reddit, Facebook, just surfing in general) with bigger things that require no distractions or 'alone time', like reading, learning a new language, or in your case hoolahooping with fire. My conclusion was that you can't. If you want to go for it, you just have to go for it.

Of course you can combine Reddit with taking a test, but you can not combine it with finishing cum laude. I also realised though that this does not count for most people, they can combine these things, but they do not have the intention to become the new Einstein. It is a whole different discussion if this should even be a personal goal, but my idea was that these new Einsteins are so into the achieving of their dream that this would be really hard to combine with the great entertainment part of the internet and our society. It requires an opt-out, you will have to be an einzelganger at some times and that is exactly what what internet tries to prevent.

You worded this very well in your statement and I agree wholeheartedly. As you can see I'm still on Reddit but not for long. The past few months when I paid Reddit a visit I noticed that the lesser frequency of my visits also made me see the content better. And although I'm subscribed to a whole lot of interesting subreddits and described from all these fun things, I still noticed that I did not need all of this. It gave me a sense of passivity that I should not want in my life.

Nevertheless there are a lot pro-arguments to this website and I see that as well. Because I'm living in the Netherlands, I do not necessarily have to suffer some of the ills that the United States is made of. I can really understand that you need some inspiration of sanity if you live in a small conservative town where everyone is the personal friend of Jesus. So yeah, Reddit should inspire you, but maybe more as in a caravanserai. You meet a lot of new and interesting people, have a good night's sleep and travel on. Staying there also means that you will not arrive at your destination.

The people who say that you should do everything in moderation do not see that this is really hard for some people, but these are the same people that will give you some of the most interesting stuff. They can immerse themselves, lose themselves in Reddit or alike, but if they learn to use this energy in a more enduring way they can use it to write books, build houses or govern countries (just some examples).

In my view it works just like torrents. You have the seeders, who make things. They put in the effort. They show themselves once they finish their product. Their creations will surprise or disappoint. Then, there are the leechers. They wait. They need the seeders and they will criticize or praise the products of the seeder. Most of the time a seeder also leeches, but a lot of leechers tend to forget that they can also be seeders.

TL;DR: Reddit should inspire you, but maybe more as in a caravanserai. You meet a lot of new and interesting people, have a good night's sleep and travel on. Staying there also means that you will not arrive at your destination. Just like torrents, the society consists of seeders and leechers. The OP decided he wanted to be a seeder, I as well.

I'm introverted and used to be very awkward and shy. At around 17 I noticed it was an area I needed to improve so I started to look around. These are some of the stuff that has helped me change from Shy to energetic (being introverted never changes though but, I love it). Wanting to change is the most important part of it all, you can have all the resources in the world and just not make it because you don't really want it. now, off to the books:

• "How to Win friends and Influence People" - Dale Carnegie
  
• "Think and Grow Rich" - Napoleon Hill (not really a book about being more social, but i always recommend it)
  
• "The War of Art" - Steven Pressfield (Book about overcoming comfort/laziness)
  
• stuff by leil lowndes (Look around at the stuff she's written and pick what interests you)
  
  ***
  Some subs:
  
  
• I cannot recommend much for depression as its pretty foreign to me (no family/friends or myself have suffered from it) but there is /r/depression, so check it out if you want to.
  
  
• I'd recommend inner game stuff from /r/seduction. They do lots of strange things that turn people off but they're inner game is solid. To skip their front-page just check this. They recommend this book for depression.
  
  
• /r/socialskills
  
  
• I also recommend exercising (/r/Fitness, /r/loseit or /r/gainit).
  
  
• /r/malefashionadvice /r/malelifestyle /r/everymanshouldknow
  
  Avoid what is hurting your growth. Basically, anything you abuse (keyword there) from video games to alcohol to masturbation (you'll know what it is). A good way to get rid of bad habits is to start filling your time with positive ones until the good overcomes the bad. Find a hobby that will get you socializing (almost all will). Some examples: sports (martial arts as stated before, any sport really), art (music, drama, painting lessons), if you're in school or college there's definitely clubs out there. Donating your time and effort to a good cause. Voluntary work always gives a great sense of worth and happiness.
  
  Just remember, you've described things that you currently are (shy, insecure, awkward) all of these will change only if YOU want to. Most of them are overcomed by comming out of your comfort zone (its simple, not easy). Your comfort zone is probably very small, all you gotta do is widen it. You gotta have to want to change and improve more than you want to stay the way you are. Nobody is the same person as they were yesterday so make sure that the person you'll be tomorrow is better than who you are today. Good Luck.

Ok, so I don't know if this will help, but for texting the friend, type up the text then save it. Then at a later time, when you think you really want to text that friend again, send the text immediately without thinking more about it. Then what's done is done and everything is in the wind and let the chips fall where they may. Another thing that may help is imagining the worst thing that could happen. This is where I can help you: she says no. Will that crush your soul and your will to live? no. You'll be sad for a little bit, but you still have your friends and now you know and you can move on. That's the worst thing that could happen. You can survive that. I guess I'm just trying to put things in perspective. Ask yourself, would you rather be mauled by a bear or ask someone out for dinner. If the bear seems more attractive, I'd suggest going for a hike every now and then. It'll help clear your mind and increase your chances of crossing a bear.

As for paying bills and getting work done, I'd say start off with telling yourself that you're only going to do ten minutes of work. That's not a long time. Then you are going to give yourself ten minutes or maybe even half an hour of justified goof off time. This is key. It has to be justified goof off time.

What most people find is that starting is the hardest part. Once you start, it is orders of magnitude easier to continue for longer than the ten minutes that you set for yourself. This is basically what is promoted in the book The Now Habit.

As for anxiety and depression, I hope you've seen a doctor or someone qualified to tell you whether or not it's serious.

I suffered from depression all through high school and college. I felt like I didn't deserve to be part of anything or worthy of attention. One of the things that helped me was realizing that we are all made of stars. Every atom other than hydrogen was once a part of a star. That means you and me, we both came from the same stuffs and we both have a right to be where we are doing what we're doing. From there, I extrapolated that life is all about making ourselves happy without hurting other people in the process. So now the difficult part for me is figuring out what makes me happy. It's actually kind of fun. It has led me to new hobbies and new friends.

I hope this helps!

TL;DR Text the girl before you even think about it. Read The Now Habit. We are all made of stars.

Personally, I find that I don't get things done because I'm scared of not doing them well.

I worry about what other people will think of my efforts and so I prefer to procrastinate, rather than actually make any progress.


>The only way to get good at something is practise

Try starting a journal, even if it's only for a few days and record everything.

If you can identify what kind of feeling you were having when you avoided doing something, maybe you can change something to avoid that feeling.

It's a good idea to record every activity for a few days and even what you eat, just to see where your time goes and if there are patterns that trip you up.

• if you go out to eat do you end up spending the day browsing shops and not doing anything?
  
• if you're home alone in your pyjamas after noon does that mean you never get it together for the rest of the day?
  
  
  And don't ever be ashamed of not getting stuff done.
  Procrastination is a technique your brain uses to avoid stress.
  The problem is that avoiding problems almost never takes away the root source of the stress.
  
  So it keeps on coming around and you keep on using procrastination to avoid getting stuff done ( it's super effective!)
  
  I'd recommend the book "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore.
  
  In particular it has a great analogy for getting things done.
  
  Imagine that your task is to walk along a wooden plank about 15cm wide. It's on your lawn and it's about 4 metres long.
  
  As long as you've got decent motor skills and are not drunk it should be no problem, we could all do it.
  
  What happens to you is when you want to walk on the plank you find that it's now between 2 buildings, 4 storeys up.
  
  The idea of walking across becomes terrifying, all you can imagine is falling to your doom.
  
  When people give you advice to "get yourself together" and "just do it" they're doing the equivalent of setting fire to the building you're in.
  They're hoping to force you out onto that plank so you can save yourself from burning.
  
  You might crawl out and even make it across with this approach but does it sound like a good way to reduce stress?
  
  Instead what you need is a safety net. A super strong net underneath the plank that means that whatever happens, you'll be safe.
  
  You can fall over and over again ( it might even be fun ) and just get back up and try again.
  
  In the real world you need small winnable challenges. Record every one of those wins.
  
  
  
• washed the plates
  
• opened word and typed title for paper due next week
  
  
  Create a book of win that will have tiny tiny victories. By the time you've added a few you'll find that your victories and goals achieved will get bigger and more frequent.
  Sometimes you'll screw up and fall back into bad habits
  
  
  As long as you keep starting, you'll eventually win.
  
  
  
  I've been reading advice like this for a decade and I still sometimes sit at home and cry because I didn't get anything done.
  
  The one piece of advice I recommend for everyone. everyone. is to get some exercise. The worst feeling I've ever had cannot outlast a single hour in the pool or a martial arts session.
  
  If you get up in the morning and don't know what to do, go for a walk.
  
  You might still not know what to do after your walk but you'll have a small achievement to write down in your journal for the day.
  
  Enjoy yourself :) Hope this helps a little, pm if you want to chat.

Yea I told him don't be discouraged if publishers turn you down. He has actually started to make some progress and I keep telling him it's baby steps. His work is non-fiction but I truly do believe it's an amazing book. My father is a Kurdish revolutionary and his book is on the concept of religion and God. If you're ever interested below is the link. And if the link doesn't work just search Zana Zangana in Amazon. I have some friends with kids and I'll be telling them about your book. I think what you did was amazing and really shows that especially in this country stick to your ideas and with hard work a lot can happen. But I really wish you the best.

https://www.amazon.com/Where-Was-Hijacked-Zana-Zangana/dp/1365024822/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478716168&sr=8-1&keywords=Zana+Zangana

I agree wholeheartedly. While this is a noble attempt and OP should be praised for his realization that he needs to make changes in his life, there is a strong likelihood that his goals will not be met. The reason for this? One word: willpower

I strongly recommend you read this book before attempting to make any changes in your life. It is NOT a self-help book, rather a collection of decades of research showing that humans have a finite amount of "energy" that enables them to achieve goals and avoid short term temptations that have long-term consequences.

The book mentions effective ways of setting goals for yourself and ensuring you understand your limitations before attempting to make radical changes in your life.

Again, I applaud you for your desire to change. But desire is only half the equation. A successful gameplan is necessary as well, and that is what we are here to help with.

Good luck!

I agree that we're not all equal, mentally and physically. I do think that "talent" is a misleading or at least misunderstood word, though. I've read a bit about talent, and I think it's most often used as a way to dismiss the efforts and the effect of time spent on deliberate practice, which are the main drivers of skill, though skill doesn't necessarily dictate success, which McGregor seems to be implying (imo incorrectly).

I think it's important to distinguish between three concepts: talent, skill, and success. In my opinion, skill seems to depend primarily on preparation/practice, which is not inborn and seems very closely tied to passion/motivation. People often describe skill, erroneously, as talent, which should be used to describe natural advantages like intellect or physical traits. The combination of skill plus talent (and opportunity) will then mostly detemine success. A 5'0" basketball player who is a better shooter/passer than every NBA player is still unlikely to succeed as a professional basketball player due to physical, natural limitations.

This book is an entertaining and interesting read on the subject. It takes a closer look at seemingly obvious cases of talent, incl. Tiger Woods, Mozart, and world-class musicians, and finds a fairly straightforward correlation between their skills and the quantity and quality of practice.

For a scientific underpinning of what has been said multiple times in this thread, I HIGHLY recommend the book willpower by Roy Baumeister, a renowned psychologist (amazon link)

If you are like me and are a little distrusting of the "motivational speaker" type stuff that gets posted here a lot and would like to have a scientific understanding of how willpower works, how best to actually get some stuff to change and what pitfalls to avoid, this is the book for you.

This and getmotivated have really helped me better myself and become more productive and happy in the process. I'm far from there yet, but I see a lot of progress and will hopefully have the stamina to get good enough grades to get into a great phd program thanks to my hard work.

But I still have a lot to work on, I don't work out nearly enough, I still smoke and I'm still kind of messy. But pacing is key, I try not getting worse in those aspects while becoming less of a pathological procrastinator. starting in the summer, when the brunt of my classes is over, I will start focussing on other areas in my life to become the best me that I can be!

Direct quotes from their beginners guide:

"Work on your depression. Many sedditors have recommended Feeling Good by David D. Burns. There's also a reddit for that."

"Get fit. You don't have to be hot to meet and attract great women, but it definitely helps."

I was going to link things from their second guide - but there were really too many resources in there that provide self growth.

Search relationship in that subreddit and even in threads like this: "How do you act post sex when you don't want a relationship?" The comments suggest that the person be upfront with the woman BEFORE sex and to not mislead.

__

Even with the above there is still a lot of information that can be interpreted one way or another. The fact of the matter is that it really depends on how the person applies these principles. I believe the /r/seduction community does a good job in keeping people civil. I personally haven't seen someone suggesting the "douchebag" route as the best option, not to say there aren't or people don't joke about it. Just that this is reddit and the mentality is not to be a douchebag but to change yourself for the better.

Hi Dark Knight ;)

I have experienced similar situations myself. Here's what I think about your whole predicament :

• It seems you are good at your job considering you got best performer award & on site opportunity. So I don't think you are useless.
  
  
• Also you are working on a startup & already you have got a funding! That's commendable! So you are not nothing.
  
  
• I am assuming you have a package of 3L+ which is a sufficient income for most unless you are a materialistic person who can't do away with ac, gold class seats & branded jeans. Money buys you comfort not happiness.
  
  
• Regarding misbehaving incident, you know you are innocent & your bosses have not thrown you out, so don't worry about it. Specially what others think of you. People have short long memory & with new scandal you will be forgotten quite rapidly. Look at all the politicians, cricketers & filmstars!
  
  
• You can search for new job as well if the work & the work environment is not stimulating. Also try for another state or metro. You will get some distance from your parents, you will get new experience & exposure in new city, new people & culture. It will take your mind of these current issues & you will come out mature & self-reliant.
  
  
• You are confused about further carrier direction as well. Stay in same industry, start your own business or IAS? Practically speaking you should get more experience in one industry first. Simultaneously you can work on IAS preparation or startup (but not both). After few years you will have more experience, options & clarity. On the other hand you have only 1 life & you should not waste your years doing the things you don't love.
  
  
• It's secondary what your parents expect of you or whether you will be able to crack the IAS exam. What's important is what really excites you? What are your values? What is important to you in long term?
  
  
• Your parents want you to be an IAS. So somewhere in their head they know that you have a potential, that you are smart. I dont think they really think you are useless, they probably want you to do more, be more. Ofcourse it's not right of them to pressurise you into any carrier choice, marriage choice etc. You need to sit & clarify this to them in a civilized manner.
  
  
• It's difficult to ascertain whether your gf was intoxicated or not. But unless her friend is really chhapri (cheap), he would not have dared to grope her (knowing she is with you). As you said she had ignored his lewd messages previous, that might have sent him wrong idea. But I hope she had told you about those messages before this incident otherwise it was definitely wrong on her part to hide such important issue from her bf.
  
  
• Trust is important. But none of us are Saints. What is important is to acknowledge your mistakes & not to repeat them. Fool me ones, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! So meet her, explain your situation like a gentleman but make it clear that henceforth you expect complete & upfront honesty. And from that day onwards, never utter a word about it.
  
  
• Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain & if there are trust issues then it's just a daily frustration, continuous snooping & tons of fights. If you delay the marriage & you are still in different cities, fighting against each other & with parents then it will only be an excruciating mess.
  
  
• When you get cheated on but decide to forgive the other person it often results into a snooping sort of thing. And it's quite natural if you think about it. One fine day, your brain suddenly got the shock of its life & it was painful to say the least. Now he doesn't want to go through similar ordeal again, so he goes into this super cautious mode & tries to verify every data, every odd occurrence. It assigns meaning where there is none & sees a face even in the shadows. Isn't it like getting bitten by a dog! But the good news is that you can curb your anxiety by clarifying this to your brain. Tell him that if she is lying then that would be the end of this relation & he need not worry. If she isn't lying then thats a good thing & he need not worry. Conclusion: Don't worry, be happy & brave. And yes, you are not a psychopath!
  
  
• You are young, you have health, education, job, financial stability, family & a gf. Yes, few of these variables are not perfect but atleast they are there. If you throw your problems in a basket where everyone threw their problems then you would quickly take back yours. Suffering is not the problem, it's a part of life. Suffering without meaning is the issue. Nietzsche said, “He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How.” It's not what happens to you but what you 'think' happed, matters. If so then these problems are rather opportunities in disguise to take hard decisions, to find your meaning of life & to grow further.
  
  
• Tell me, if all your problems are solved within 3 months, will you still like to end your life? That is, if you have a new job, away from the house & probably a new gf, will you still find this life unbearable? What I am trying to say is, you are frustrated not because life in general sucks but because you haven't been able to glimpse at the solutions to your particular problems. Don't run away from the problems, run towards solutions. That's what engineers do, we solve problems!
  
  
• Empty mind is Devils paradise. You need to get busy. Start reading & exercising daily. This will rejuvenate your mind & body. I can't stress enough on exercise. If I skip 2 days, I start feeling low. Don't waste too much time on a gf who may or may not be honest, with whom you may or may not have future. Soulful conversations, jokes, romance is healthy utilization of time. Checking out last seen, fb pics, dress regulation, movement regulation, analysing every word & smilie is equal to eventual self destruction. Decide today to say, 'Fk it. I am above these silly games'. If you love someone set them free, if they come back they are yours but if they don't, they never were.
  
  
• I don't know how reliable online personality tests are. Actually you seemed opposite to narcissistic to me considering you are so concerned about everyone else in your life. In any case, you must get an appointment with a psychologist. This will give you an opportunity to fully open up & share your problems. Doctor can guide you better than us. It's not very costly either. You can expect about 500 to 1000Rs per visit for an average doctor.
  
  
• Finally, let me leave you with this famous couplet. It reminds me to become stronger version of my self everyday. (Note: I am atheist, I refer God mentioned here only in literary sense.)
  
  " ख़ुदी को कर बुलंद इतना कि हर तक़दीर से पहले ।
  
  ख़ुदा बंदे से ख़ुद पूछे बता तेरी रज़ा क्या है ।।" (इक़्बाल)
  
  " Make yourself so strong that before every destiny, God asks you, tell me what you want "
  
   
  
  Check out these books. These are all Amazon India links. But if you can't buy them now, there are free EPUB versions of every book mentioned below :
  
  
• Important life lessons : It's an online article that enlists 100 simple life lessons
  
  
• A man's search for meaning : Account of a survivor of Auschwitz
  
  
• Authentic Happiness : Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which is often given by psychologist to a depressed individual
  
  
• The mindful way through depression : How mindfulness meditation can be useful against depression, along with CBT
  
  
• The Willpower instinct : How to create habits using willpower, useful to create stronger self control demanded by tough times
  
   
  
  Summery : Don't worry friend, this too shall pass. It always does! Be brave, its a daily choice. Try to focus on solving problems one by one. Get professional help at the earliest. Invest time in things that will help you in long term. Exercise & read everyday. And always remember "All izz welll..!"
  
  

Check out the book The Now Habit.

In the book, he goes deeply into the reasons we procrastinate. A major point is that you always procrastinate for a reason. We procrastinate instead of working because we get a reward from procrastination. Sometimes that reward is relief from anxiety about fear of failure, for example. So in order to stop procrastinating, it's really helpful to emphasize the rewards of doing work. For example, when I sit down to work on my thesis, I say to myself, "I choose to work on my thesis for 30 minutes because every time I work on my thesis, I get a little closer to realizing my dreams of getting a PhD and an amazing job. Besides, I enjoy being productive and accomplishing things."

It's really important to emphasize the positives and eliminate the negatives of doing work. Best of luck!

Zuko's hilarious but interestingly enough if you look at the basic principles of mindfulness and therapies based on mindfulness there's a similar idea ie. to learn to defuse from your thinking self and more often be in tune with your observing self.

So you accept your thoughts, urges, feelings as they are but not fuse with them and instead move in the direction of the things you value. There's a girl you're interested in, you feel anxiety at asking her out, you don't struggle with that anxiety or let it define you, you accept it but ask her out because it aligns with your values of love, connection, intimacy. The thinking self would run rampant, "I should ask her out. But she'll reject me. What if they laugh at me. I'm not gonna do it, she'll think I'm creepy. Okay here she comes. Damn, I missed my chance. I can't believe I missed my chance. I'll never be in a relationship. I'm going to be lonely forever. I am unlovable. I am a useless piece of human garbage."

As for your other self, your observing self, you get more into tune with this through focusing on the here and now and defusing from the thoughts of your thinking self. You've taken thousands of showers in your lifetime and while you have the option to think about how behind you are in school during your shower, you also have the option to revel in it for what it is and just enjoy the experience.

For anyone more interested in Uncle Zuko's wisdom, https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841


I miss Avatar. Are they ever gonna do another series or was Korra the last one?

Of course, luck plays a part, so does recognize chances and maximizing your opportunities. But these things are not fully under our control while exerting effort is. Sure, that is also not a guarantee of success, however you define it. But, I'm always of that "do what you can" mindset.

I want to add that I also believe that people should, if they can, work on things they own - even if these are only micro ventures (I wrote a short book on this idea). My book might not be the best in the world, but I'm working hard on trying to get it in front of people. It costs $1 and I get precisely $0.30 from each sold copy, but I'm hopefully it will make a difference down the line. Maybe it won't, maybe I'm just wasting time here to get something like $12 in the end, but I'll stick with it anyway. It might not be the best plan, but it is one I have and I'll push on with it.

So yeah, there's always the risk of someone highjacking your work and cutting you short. But, as much as working smart is a good thing to have in mind, I'd still go for working hard as well. I can't tell myself to be lucky or very smart, but I can try to work hard (but not be naive or complacent at the same time).

Finally, I'm sorry that you and your mom had bad experiences. Hope things get better for you. Do you have some options for a new job on the horizon? What did you do on your last one, if you're up for talking about that?

http://rock-at-life.blogspot.ca/2012/03/why-you-should-quit-reddit-and-other.html

/r/howtoquitreddit

The problem when you quit something that was a habit or that was a large part of how you defined yourself, is coming up with something to replace it. The only way to do this is by trying everything and anything, this is the only way to know if you like something or not. No offence to gamers, but it won't bring you long term happiness. Socialising, interacting with people, volunteering, real life experiences, those give you long term happiness. Sharing your life with people, being accepted, and accepting others brings you happiness. The problem online and in video games is the inability to perceive the other people as real people, and will continue to mark the way in which the community interacts with each other.

Many people who have an addictive personality will switch between gaming, the internet, porn, and substance abuse to feed their addiction. When one becomes boring, it's easier to switch to something else you're addicted to instead of examining your addiction or looking at why you are addicted.

Many people who have addictive personalities do so as a means of escapism, so that they don't have to deal with the real life problems or examine what it is about their lives that is leaving them wanting more. The problem with addiction is that it never really fills the void, it's a temporary fix that will always leave you wanting more or looking elsewhere to fill it.


http://zenhabits.net/the-ultimate-guide-to-motivation-how-to-achieve-any-goal/

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2007/06/13/25-simple-ways-to-motivate-yourself/

And here is a self help book that will help motivate yourself, and look at your life from a different angle, as well as give you some tools to break free of the cycle you are in.

The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness

Here is one for anxiety The Mindful Way through Anxiety

If you feel like motivating to get even small things accomplished takes way more effort than it should, you could try reading "The Power of Habit". Until reading this book, I didn't realize that so much of our brains are controlled by these primitive feelings.

Maybe once you internalize why all people have this tendency, you can consciously fight it and make some forward progress. After getting some successes, you'll be well on your way to bigger things. Good luck to you!

I believe you're starting off on the wrong foot. He could read a self help book. He could read a million, won't do him any good till he takes action. If he truly is depressed, unmotivated, etc, then he needs to start changing his life starting with himself. Start eating healthy. Start working out, at the very least running, get blood flowing through the whole body, get the mind working. Have him kick start a hobby of his that he loves. Clean your home, your life, the clutter.

Everyone in this life is always looking for the key, for that "something" that will make that click and have everything become the way they want it to be. Most don't realize that that "key" is as simple and yet as difficult as an entire shift in a mentality, which in my opinion can be started with what I stated above. And most importantly, you can't do it for him. All you can do is support, but only he can do it for himself.

Oh, and if you really want some book, a lot of us here recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373087727&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+make+friends+and+influence+people. Seems appropriate for what you're asking for. Good luck.

There's a book I read once that really helped me with my depression. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_vK2JzbENRZ5R4

It opened me up to Cognitive Therapy, which is simply a set of mental exercises you can do to help you look at your thoughts more objectively. Right now, you're depressed. Changing your mood is super tough. But if you start by looking at your thoughts and analyzing what's rational and what isnt, you'll start feeling better. Moreover, you'll do something about the pattern of thinking thats currently working against you.

I recommend the book to learn more and try out specific things you can do to help yourself.

Good luck feeling better. You can do it.

Makes sense.

>A person really willing to quit would do things like only carry the amount they need each day, and employ other strategies that are proven to work.


I don't know why it didn't occur to me to read up on methods shown to work. Thanks for the comment, I've ordered a well rated bookon this very subject. Time to quit guessing my way to success and read up on how others have manged to be success full.

It's like what John of Salisbury said about learning from major thinkers:


""We are like dwarfs sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, not because our sight is superior or because we are taller than they, but because they raise us up, and by their great stature add to ours."

I whole-heartedly recommend anyone who agrees with the OP (and the OP themselves) pick up and read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine - it covers this and a few associated things in depth and gives you ways to make these thoughts part of your daily life - so as to minimize their (negative) control on you.

Honestly it is one of the best books I have read in a very long time...

Here you go.. I haven't read them yet, Let me know what you think if you get to them first. I just finished Mastery by Robert Greene and it was pretty incredible. It really hit home since I don't know what the shit I'm doing with my life yet

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD

Clever: Leading Your Smartest, Most Creative People

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life

You'll notice that this is not a usual "to do" list in a few ways:

• I begin with leisure activities ala The Now Habit. This helps to bring me to the list in the morning, because I have prioritized "fun" things.
  
• Instead of a "YOU MUST DO ALL THIS" list, it is a "Pick what you'd like" list. This removes should from the equation and allows me to feel like I'm picking whatever I want to do.
  
• I have specific "Next Step" activities ala [Getting Things Done] (http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376176922&sr=1-1&keywords=getting+things+done); instead of vague items like "Work on Thesis", I have "Work on source spreadsheet".
  
• I did it NOW, in the evening (USA), saving me valuable ultra-productive morning minutes tomorrow.
  
  Hope this sparks a fresh idea for some of you!

>But I've recently come to the realization that the world is a terrible, AWFUL place. That people are terrible. And that nothing anyone does sparks any sort of hope in me. Not all the 'donate/play for charity' or 'i helped out a stranger in need' or 'i sent a little girl a present' posts in the world could get me to think that the world is not a terrible place. Politicians, corporations, millionaires, the supposed 'top 2%'...they are what run this world. They are the ones that make the decisions. They have the money, and therefore the power. It's mostly true.

Buddha, Nietzsche, and the Stoics all had a similar realization. Nietzsche's phrasing: "experiences are fictions". From the Stoic Epictetus: "His son is dead. What happened? His son is dead. Nothing else? Not a thing. His ship is lost. What happened? His ship is lost. He was carried off to prison. What happened? He was carried off to prison. But the observation: ‘He has fared ill,’ is an addition that each man makes on his own responsibility." On first acquaintance with these ideas, they seem insane -- but there truly is no objective way to interpret the world anymore than there is an objective way to interpret a poem. Free yourself from the notion that what you think is bad must be interpreted bad. Realize you are in fact the source of this interpretation.

If there is no right or wrong interpretation, and you have freed yourself from the false idea of objectiveness there, you should clearly choose a more beneficial interpretation. Is the glass half full or half empty? I agree with the Stoic perspective: it's wonderful there is even a glass at all. Essentially, you can compare the world with something better and be unhappy, or you can compare it with something worse and be happy. These comparisons are responsible for most of your emotions -- you are unhappy that friend or family member dies because you expected them to live longer. If you had expected them to die at precisely that time all along and you had always known it that way, it would be of little consequence.

As such, I would advise some negative visualization; imagine the numerous ways the world could be worse and compare them to how the world is. If you do this correctly, you will gain a large amount of gratitude for the world as it actually exists.

None of this is to say you should be complacent with the world, but that is a different topic. For more on Stoicism, I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d4_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0F8SY1KJJ7JJWFKQQMST&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

> I don't really even want to socialize. I just don't know how I matter in this world in which everyone is out to do things only for themselves. They're selfish. Everyone is, to an extent. How do I stop believing that everyone is selfish?

You've defined selfish in such broad strokes. It is true that people do things to benefit themselves, but they also do things to benefit others. How much of what people do is solely to benefit themselves?

Do you see yourself as selfish? Would it help you to go and do things that are unselfish? Or to keep track of unselfish acts from everyone around you?

>Nothing motivates or propels me.

You are disillusioned with the world and people. I have given you some advice to turn your perspective upside-down. Given that, it seems if your focus remains on society, you should do something to improve it. At the very least, make yourself into an example for other people. Courage, humility, honesty, love, and ambition. Memorize them and practice them.

"Patience is a muscle" is a great metaphor, but what you're really doing is rewiring your brain. Your brain is very malleable and it can be retrained via repeated effort.

I highly recommend Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength and The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains if you want to learn more about the science of it.

Ah ok, well that makes sense I suppose. A comfort list.

Anyways, you seem to be a professional positive thinker dude.

Have you seen/read http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living/dp/1590305841

I think its a very useful tool to use and it expands on the comments you make. The basic premise being to abandon all expectations for controlling happiness. Reccomend to check it out if you have not already.

I know some people in the comments are saying they were using their Juul more after switching from cigarettes and found it did nothing more than increase their nicotine dependency. Taking hits in the middle of the night or whenever they could.

The reason for this is Juul & E-cigarette pods use nicotine salts. Salts typically have higher nicotine content and absorb faster into the body. So when you're taking a pull, it's more effective to satisfy your craving for a cigarette.

However it lacks the long duration effect so you feel the need to want to take another pull right after or not long after doing so.

Smoking is an oral fixation, it's why a lot of people who quit find themselves snacking or eating more.

My suggestion to help alleviate the need to take another hit of your Juul/pod/ecig, is to buy some chewing sticks/toothpicks.

Chewing sticks last longer then toothpicks, good for your oral hygiene, freshens your breath and come in mint or cinnamon to my knowledge. They're made with tea tree oil and I'm sure they have plain too.

Personally I suggest these. I found the cinnamon more alleviating to cravings with the taste and spice plus I'm a fan of cinnamon🤷‍♂️

You can get them from any health store, whole foods, or amazon. Not sure about the big box stores.

I vape myself so I'm no saint but after quitting cigarettes; Irealized how easy it was to just keep on puffing so i went back to using chewing sticks to not be tempted.

A couple weeks ago a wolf recommended The Now Habit. I got it from the library and it's very helpful. When you said "I'm not attempting anything new because I might fail" I thought of the book because it tells you how to get over that obstacle. It teaches you how to talk to yourself not in "I should" or "I have to" but instead, "When can I start."

Is some of the problem that you don't know what you want to do? If that's the case, I recommend another book, Living Out Loud. There are several activities that lead you to think about what you want to do, and planning out the steps towards doing them. HTH. Best of luck!

It's generally accepted that CBT or, to a lesser (but self-manageable) extent, mindfulness meditation are things that are known to work for such problems.

For certain causes of stress, books like https://www.amazon.com/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-Free/dp/1585425524 or https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters-ebook/dp/B005ERIRZE might be helpful, but YMMW; it helps some but for many (most?) people reading self-help books aren't sufficient to do anything and actual activities (CBT, meditation or possibly others) have a larger chance to help.

"The Art of Expressing The Human Body", by John Little.
You can find it on amazon here

If you are interested in these types of books, then I would also recommend "Zen In The Martial Arts" by Joe Hyams. (My personal favorite)

You can also find it on Amazon here

Enjoy!

"The Art of Expressing The Human Body", by John Little.
You can find it on amazon here

If you are interested in these types of books, then I would also recommend "Zen In The Martial Arts" by Joe Hyams. (My personal favorite)

You can also find it on Amazon here

Enjoy!

Check out the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns. It's a pretty useful in identifying ways in which we can change the way we feel by changing our thoughts, among other things. It's helping me work out my anxiety/tendency to be depressed, ect.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

If you're the science type, you should definitely check out Willpower. It's a collection of studies done by Roy Baumeister, a heavy hitter in the realm of social psychology. I've been reading it and it just gets me thinking about how I can use the scientific knowledge to change the world around me, making it difficult to do anything but accomplish my goals.

So, uh, yeah, check it out.

That comes along as part of being organized in everything else in life as well. Once you understand that things have a place, and that they should always be in that permanent place, you'll become more organized.

I got motivated to become more organized by watching Randy Pausch's Time Management lecture. Then I read Getting Things Done to figure out how to put that into practice. Now, I keep the house clean and pay bills on time.

William Irvine's take on stoicism in modern world helped me tremendously. It's such an practical philosophy.

I really recommend this book.

This book might spark the interest back on.

Sorry but your hate is not based in reality. Talent does not really exist. The good news is you can do pretty much anything you want if you put in the work. Hours upon hours of deliberate practice is what it takes to become "talented". Like this guy did. Hell just look at where he started at.

I recommend this book if you are looking for more info.

There's a book called The Shallows that goes into how spending excessive amounts of time on the internet actually rewires our brain in the same way doing anything for long periods of time does (such as practicing a musical instrument), except this rewiring causes us to lose our ability to focus and maintain our attention span for long periods of time.

While I didn't quit social media entirely, it did make me be more cognizant of the amount of time I spend on social media and reddit. In fact, I think I hardly go on Facebook anymore, and I don't mindlessly click through links on reddit anymore.

Great book, I highly recommend it.

A really good book for this is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Another good read, is "Talent is Overrated".

I've been through a similar existential crisis. Never had to work hard for grades, and never had to learn discipline. Still struggling with it now, but getting through with sheer willpower most of the time. I see others who are arguably not as "smart" but who work hard and are disciplined, succeeding, and my ego takes a hit.

Just a matter of gaining some humility, accepting that you're not great at everything, and working on them. It sucks, but it's the only way to grow.

Hope you can find a way through.

Sounds like you need to try GTD. If you don't want to buy the book, there are some free guides out there.

In addition to professional help, I would recommend https://www.amazon.de/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286

Are there certain features you're looking for?
Some people are very visual so they love task applications with calendar views. Some like to organize things into dozens of lists. Others want to use the GTD method.

this book helped me, i'd recommend it

http://www.amazon.com/The-Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination/dp/1585425524

The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

I read it once a year just to be sure I still have in mind the values/techniques from it.

Read The Power of Habit (not an affiliate link, to be clear). I believe you'll find that the author clarifies particular patterns of behavior in a way that can help us.

I've found that I've been able to break certain bad habits about work, namely not "just getting started". However, we should recall that we're of finite resources and cannot change everything at once. Pick one thing, just one thing, and hammer it.

Highly recommended: http://www.amazon.com/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-Free/dp/1585425524

Maybe the thing is not so much that there is a reason why you don't do these things, rather there is a reason why you do other things instead.

This book gave me an insightful view on that.

in short: I simply fall into behavoural patterns - habits - and that is the reason why I don't do the things I objectively want to do. The habit to watch an episode of something (futurama, ted, etc) while I eat dinner leads to me spending more time watching another episode and then some on Reddit or other places.

reading a book during dinner instead (if I'm alone) leads me to do productive things afterwards.

tl;dr: Think about why you do the things you do, rather than why you don't do the things you don't do. Maybe you can realign your triggers (e.g. if you want to start woodwork, why not take your dinner to the shed where you work and look at plans while you're doing it)

Get the book Feeling Good. It teaches you how to use CBT on yourself.

The ironic thing is, if you check out the negative reviews of the book on Amazon, they center around one complaint: "It doesn't tell you enough about how to change your habits."

Those who wanted a one-size-fits-all process think the stories are filler, but they're not; they're examples of how habits are so ingrained in the human psyche that we literally don't think when our brains process them.

The stories give context to the Cue-Routine-Reward process and why it works the way it does.

>"The things you say to your child NOW become the voices in their head in the future"

From a post in Ask Reddit which I cannot find at this time.

There is a cacaphony of critical, judgemental, negative, hurtful, voices which become "Intrusive Thoughts." Loops that playback over and over in your head. Thoughts that undermine your self-confidence or motivation.

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy is a book that describes "Cognitive Behavior Therapy"-- where you learn to grab hold of your negative thoughts and tell them to GO AWAY.

If Intrusive Thoughts are seriously holding you back from success and happiness, it's OK to look into medication-- the family of SSRI's and all the related "re-uptake inhibitors" are suprisingly effective at shutting down negative thinking.

If you are going to succeed at all these things simultaneously, you are awesome. By all means do this, be like a wolf ... but in case you fail (not to suggest that I expect you do), don't give all these things up at once. If you do not succeed with these high aspirations, do not be afraid to lower them somewhat.

So; what you should not do, I repeat, WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO, is use little failures as an excuse for total failure. Also, read this book and you'll understand why I'm giving the advice above.