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So glad I could help baby.

Well, besides meditation there is also spirituality/religion. I mean, don't hook up with one that encourages you to be a twat waffle, but humans have some sort of basic need filled by spirituality. And you have a lot of basic needs not filled. Give yourself permission to do whatever it is you need to build this foundation as long as it doesn't hurt other people.

And as far as meditation, there are a lot of flavors of that also. If you see some free class in another flavor at some point, you can always give it a go.

Are there any support groups you can join in your area for people who have similar backgrounds? A good "tribe" is a great building block for your life foundation (also another advantage to fining a spiritual group...but besides not joining The Ancient Order of Twat Waffles, be sure to educate yourself on what a cult looks like, you don't want to let yourself be taken in by one)

Hopefully you are also reading helpful materials. This in particular looks good: https://smile.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-Thriving/dp/B07MK5F3KQ

I think increasing basic life skills will also help put you in a better place. Watch videos or subscribe to helpful subreddits to learn things like financial literacy, cooking, cleaning, advocating for yourself, etc. Start small. If you can't really cook, maybe find a recipe for some soup. Making homemade soup is a good way to nurture yourself.

Also, if you try to do something new an fail at it, try cutting what you hope to achieve in half and going for that half-goal. You need to build yourself up little by little. If the half-goal does not work, cut that in half also.

Oh sweetie, I think this is something everyone thinks about, and I don't know if you ever really feel "ready" to have kids. I know that I didn't--but 2 healthy kiddos later, we figured it out. We wanted to wait until we both had jobs, had our living situation figured out, and had been married for at least a couple of years. We felt "ready" and we started to try. I was still terrified when I found out I was expecting. Only you and your partner can decide when you feel "ready", but realize that it will never be the perfect time to have kids. Also, as a woman, you do want to keep in mind that the older you get, the harder it might be to get pregnant. (Not for everyone, but statistically.) It's something to keep in mind as you plan.

If you feel like you might be almost ready, talk to your partner about it. Talk about your hesitations. Are they big giant roadblock? of just little speed bumps? Does he have any ideas on how to work through them with you? Are you scared about being pregnant? having the baby? caring for the baby? What are your (and his) concerns?

Once you feel like you have worked through your major concerns, maybe set a date to stop trying to prevent (you have been using something to not get pregnant, right? that's important too) or a date to start trying. We waited until after a big trip we had been planning. Then, keep talking. Share your fears with him. Talk through them together. Maybe do some research or learning. It helped me to read about what to expect. Some books that I enjoyed or found helpful were:

​

Pregnancy Related:

• Expecting Better by Emily Oster
  
• What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff
  
• Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy
  
  Babies:
  
  
• Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp
  
• Wonder Weeks by Frans Plooij
  
• What to Expect the First Yearby Heidi Murkoff
  
• Cribsheet by Emily Oster (wasn't around for me, but I loved her first book, so you might give it a shot)
  
  ​
  
  If you like to read, maybe give one or two a shot. You can also check out /r/Parenting and/or /r/BabyBumps to see what real parents are saying. Try to find some local moms to talk to about their experience--they can be a good support group later too.
  
  If you are a planner, do some checking on things that you might need to know about (daycare, pediatricians, etc) if that makes you feel better. Look at costs, locations, ratings, whatever you need to do to feel secure.
  
  Realize that even if you decide you are "ready" you may still freak out a little bit once it happens. Having a baby is scary and life changing, but that's okay! You can do this! You are awesome!
  
  Also, here's a little secret that no one talks about --no one knows what they are doing with raising kiddos, we all just fake it til we make it and muddle our way through the best we can. I still feel like I'm just pretending to be an grown up with kids.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The first thing I would recommend would be making sure you have your support group established. Who ever that may be, please have it set up with people who love you and who you trust.

Know nothing has been your fault. These are pretty people with nothing better to do with their lives. They thrive on making people miserable and knowing it can affect you gives them more power.

It will hurt and you take all the time you need to heal. But remember these people dont matter to you anymore. You dont need them in your life.

And if the guy try's anything, please have someone know of all major things you will be doing until you feel safe. And if it makes you feel better, go to the police and explain the situation and state that you want it on record he makes you feel unsafe. That way any confrontation, which I hope never happens, can be marked in an existing folder and can be worked into a restraining order.

Amazon also sells these sound grenades if it makes you feel safer being in your home town: https://www.amazon.com/iMaxAlarm-SOS-Alert-Personal-Alarm/dp/B077Y8963X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?keywords=sound+grenade&qid=1566699403&s=gateway&sprefix=sound+gr&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzUUMyRTZSRUJHRlg4JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjMyNDg1WTJaSUwzNEFHOElKJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA3MTg4NTM0SDVTWDVLRUpWVDUmd2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==

Good luck and know your loved

People are giving great advice on managing stains, so I won't add to it. What I will do is give you some other laundry-related tips:

• Laundry/lingerie bags are your friends! They're great for washing delicate clothing like blouses and underwear. Don't overload them - 1 blouse per bag, 3 pairs of underwear/2 bras per bag.
  
  
• Speaking of delicates, don't put delicate clothing in the dryer. Hang them to dry instead. Or, if your dryer has a gentle setting, tumble dry with no heat.
  
  
• Don't dry your clothing on high heat unless you want it to shrink.
  
  
• Accidentally shrink your favorite shirt or pair of pants? Not to worry! Here's a guide to help you unshrink it!
  
  
• For soft sheets, use fabric softener in the wash and either dry on no (or very low) heat in the dryer or hang it up to dry.
  
  
• Don't put fabric softener with the soap/detergent. Your washing machine should have a special slot for fabric softener.
  
  
• Don't leave damp clothing in the washer or dryer for too long. It'll start to smell funny even if it's clean.
  
  
• Don't have time to iron your shirt? Get a slightly damp washcloth and put it in the dryer with your shirt. Run the dryer for about 10-15 minutes on medium or high heat.
  
  
• ALWAYS READ THE TAGS! Manufacturers will put wash instructions on the tags of clothing.
  
  
• If you're a person with a period, here's a tip for you: soak period-soiled underwear in a sink or tub with freezing cold water for at least 30 minutes.

This is the workbook I mentioned. It might sound and feel silly going through the exercises (even the author says as much in the intro), but it's a really good introduction to and starting point for using evidence-based ACT approaches to respond to the uncomfortable situations we've both found ourselves in.

Also, just keep hanging in there, man. One thing that's helped me is meeting and hanging out with some other dudes who are also going through, or have gone through, divorces. Those guys have been a source of all sorts of support, not just commiseration in the moment but also seeing people who are further along than I am/we are. People who've come out the other end of feeling like this who can look back and say, yeah man, that was a rough year or two. Almost everyone talks about this process like discovering a new version of themselves. Steel annealed and transformed into something stronger and more self-aware by the heat and intensity of difficult circumstances. You're clearly thinking about yourself and how to move forward, and that is a great thing. A comment that I heard early on in my process that rings truer every day: the pain will always be with you, but over time it becomes a memory of pain and not just the raw sensation of hurting. In an ideal world, you'll take the lessons learned about yourself, your attachment styles, and your values, and you'll find yourself waking up in a but of a new skin. One that treats people (including yourself) with more care and consideration than every before.

The fact that you're trying to mend it makes all the difference and makes you a bigger person. You're awesome! And you are a good boy. I'm proud of you. You're doing great.

If you're a reader I recommend Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Helped me a lot.
https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

Sending love your way xx

I got the idea from this book! it has a lot of great ideas! I don’t have any kids so I kind of tweaked things for myself. There’s also the Fly Lady Cleaning System which I’ve also found really helpful! If you’re not a fan of this playlist there’s many others who also post the baby steps! Hope that’s helpful!

By all means take notes! I'm glad I can help :)

This book might also be helpful for you. My husband read it and said it matched a lot of what he's learned in our 16 years together.

https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192

I second everything this Mom says. I also wanted to add that I found this book really helpful after I had my kiddo, having suffered from prenatal and postpartum anxiety myself. And if you ever need a sounding board or some mom-ly thoughts about any moment of your parenting, please feel free to send a PM! This sub tends to be full of a lot of helpful, non-bonkers moms, which sometimes seems rare on the internet :)

It sounds like, in the least, you should read this: How To Survive The Loss Of A Love It's good for grief management.

In order to support others, you need to build yourself as a strong base first.

I know it’s depression and not alcoholism, but I’ve found this really helpful in my life and it may help you too: https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf

I’d strongly recommend reading the book “codependent no more” https://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025