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> How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

Trying to earn God's love is THE problem. EVERY Christian I have ever known has had to struggle with this, and I do everyday. It was the problem of the pharisees, and according to Spurgeon, popery. Christianity is all about the heart. As your heart has already been changed and is sensitive to the things of God thus your desire to be Christ-like and Christ pleasing the following is for you. For those who are not in a saving relationship with Jesus, the following will not apply.

There is a Martin Luther quote that I can't find right now (ugh!) that goes something like this: "What makes us so arrogant as to think there is something we can do to add to the sufficiency of the blood of God's own Son!"

There are a few different fronts to the war. One is that you have to get a working definition of what Christian freedom means, and specifically what it means to you and what it looks like in your life. Hint: Do you have the freedom to sin and still be loved? Does God’s grace cover first degree, premeditated sin, or not?

I firmly believe until one understands grace and forgiveness in the forensic (law language) sense, you can’t get a whole lot better. It’s the doctrines of freedom that become the places you can stand when it gets dark. Dark, like when you have blown it so bad that you begin to doubt your salvation.This, as an aside, is an excellent reason to get baptized. It gives us another place to stand.

I find that if we obsess about our sin we sin more. If we obsess about Jesus and His UNCONDITIONAL love for us we may or may not get better... but we will find out getting better wasn’t the point... EVER. Being His is the point.

Front Two: I suggest studying your identity in Christ. These guys are really good at this

https://www.ficm.org/

“Victory over the Darkness” is from them and is very helpful in obtaining freedom from all sorts of spiritual bondage, but for me it is only part of the equation. It gave me some of the the keys to understanding myself and even my relationship with God, but it didn’t explain God as well as I needed. Some, probably most of my issues with trying to earn God’s love are rooted in the conditional nature of the love I received from my dad growing up. I came from a fairly dysfunctional background. Therefore, the ideas and concepts I projected on God were from my relationship with my dad and it messed up my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I found this book to give me great insights into who God really is. Check it out and tell me what you think.
(In case the embedded link is inop.
http://www.amazon.com/Delighting-Trinity-Introduction-Christian-Faith/dp/0830839836)

Front Three: For me is learning to recognize and accept God’s love.

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Christianity-Christian-Living-1401/accept-Gods-love.htm
The worksheet referenced in that article is available at https://www.ficm.org/ also under “free stuff”.

Once again, for me, I found that I really needed to understand love. I had to learn what love was, what it looked like, what being loved felt like... pretty much everything. I had walled off my emotional self so far, in an effort at self protection, that I was pretty much isolated. The isolation causes pain and numbing agents abound. Alcohol. porn, false persona(s) etc. Anything to keep me from having to spend time with myself as I fell into the trap of rejection made worse by self rejection. Enter another of my favorite quotes,

“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.”
― Donald Miller
Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

I had to look at the cross and see God love me. I had to watch others love and affirm me, because I didn’t know how to love myself. I had to read about what a loving relationship with Jesus looks like (see Brennan Manning’s Abba’s Child and Ragamuffin Gospel, Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved).

I also had to find out what a man is supposed to be and be about. I’m sure you are familiar with John Eldredge. While Wild at Heart is a classic, his, Way of the Wild Heart really helped me and still does.

So, that’s it really. Run to Jesus! Get loved, in real and meaningful ways and then take that into the world and just be who you are... a wounded healer. Your walk will be in freedom and you will be like Christ. In more ways than you can possibly imagine now. Your wounds even when healed will be a place of strength though now they are a weakness. Gee, I wonder where we heard that before? Oh, and don’t worry, when your story is one of recovery.. it keeps you humble.

Numbers 6:24-26
New King James Version (NKJV)
24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’


Blessings to you my Brother

I too am a pastor... and my heart breaks man. I know all too well the feelings of guilt and shame over sexual sin, while having a desire to teach and minister to people. I had to step away from ministry for a season while I grew, and it was the best thing I could have ever done.

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I'm in no way perfect now, but it's been a long time since I've looked at pornography. I have a healthy thought life. I have healthy relationships with females, and I'm still single. I say this to say, the battle can be won. I know it feels impossible sometimes. I know it does, I've felt that in my room while I was just on the floor crying because I wanted to hate sin, but couldn't find the strength within myself to kill it. I get it man...

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Here are a few thoughts:

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1- Peter denied Jesus. Peter gave into a sin that made Him turn his back on Jesus. And yet, Jesus restored Him, using Him to build the church. Like so many have said, there is no sin that has more power than the cross of Christ. Jesus was not unaware of all that you would fall into before He died for you. You haven't surprised Him. His arms are open.

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Look at the cross my friend. Get your eyes off yourself. Yes, your heart is whoring after idols and other things before God, despite how good God has been to you. But the cross was for sinners. Romans 5:6-8

>"For while we were still weak at the right time Christ died for the ungodly... but God shows his love for us in that while were were still sinners Christ died for us. Since therefore we have been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God".

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Find rest in the cross of Jesus Christ. That in that moment, all your sins. All your porn session. All your binge moments of masturbation were, all your evil desires that hate God were placed on the Cross onto Jesus. Jesus took your sins. And by taking your sins, Jesus offered himself as a substitution sacrifice. Whereby you were justified by His blood. Which means this. You're right standing before God, your peace with God, your friendship with God is not built upon your good works. Or your awesomeness. Or your power to kill sin. But only, only, only, on the basis of the atoning, justifying work of Jesus Christ. Period.

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You are justified by His blood. Not your works. And if you think, "well if Jesus knew, he wouldn't have died for me. Maybe all my sins aren't covered..." Look at verse 5... when did He die for you? "While you were weak and ungodly." He knew. And he went anyway. Knowing the depravity of your sins. That you would spit into the face of God after his great grace towards you. At yet He went... ponder that.

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Stop looking at yourself. look to Him. Your sins are covered and bought and erased. He is not in love with a future version of you that's perfect. He loves you, now. I know how impossible that feels. But the Gospel is that amazing.

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2- Peter was restored into ministry. Key word is restored. This is going to sound harsh, but it's biblical. If you show signs or patterns of habitual sin, especially ones of sexual nature, you are unqualified for pastoral ministry. See Titus 1:5-9. When God entrusts His flock to people, the weight and power we wield is great. And it comes with great responsibility. No one is perfect. But if we are not at a maturity of spirit where we are still enslaved to sins, we aren't ready. That's not against you, but for the good of our people.

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I say this with all the love I can. Fully knowing the complexity and frustration of your sin. If you are still struggling with pornography, you're not ready. And you're only going to hurt yourself, your future congregation, and you're walking outside of the will of God if you pretend everything's fine.

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Don't do this to His people. I've seen too many pastors ruin peoples lives... people walk away from God because their pastors moral failures come to light. Don't do that. I'm dead serious. God will be much more pleased, and you will show much more wisdom if you say, I'm not ready. And back out. And find godly mentors to help you grow. That's wise. That's loving. That's faithful. Don't ruin peoples lives because you are too cowardly to be honest.

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See James 3:1. We teachers have an extreme weight on our lives and teachings. Don't heap judgment on yourself because you are trying to not be found out.

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3- I don't think you have to resign from bible college, but you need to tell people in your life. You can't do this alone. Sin thrives in darkness and isolation. I know how it feels. Like you can't tell anyone because you've gotta keep this facade up of having it together. But that's so stupid. And fake.

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When I told my youth pastor at the time about my sin, even though I was a "leader" in the youth group. I thought... this is it. I'm done. I'm kicked out. But you know what happened? He didn't let me teach for a while. He didn't let me lead for a while. But He didn't leave me. He loved me. He pointed me to the Gospel. He helped me see the seriousness of my sin. And I felt truly loved for the first time. Here this man is, knowing all my sins and failures, and he said: "I'm not going anywhere, in fact, I'm walking with you as you grow in maturity. And when you show signs of true repentance, and patterns of growth and health, then we can talk about leadership again."

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I praise God for that man. I needed that. You do too. If your bible college doesn't have those kind of men, it's a crap bible college anyway and you should leave.

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4- Repentance is violent. I presume you know the Old Testament sacrificial system? When the slaughter animals for sin offerings as repentance, do you think they leave those meetings clean? No! They've got blood and guts all over them. They're stained by the blood. Repentance is violent.

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It's the kind of action that is willing to do anything to kill sin. Jesus said cut your eye out and your hand off, is better than going to hell because you continue in sin. I don't think that should be taken literal. But I also don't think it should be minimized. What are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of repentance? Reputation? Leadership? Authority? Love? Value from others?

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None of those things will save you. None of those things are worth lying about to God himself. And if you are unwilling to let go of any of those things in the name of true repentance, you've found what you truly love, and it's not God.

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There's a certain type of faith that pleases God. I think you tell God, Lord, I want to repent. So I will come clean and confess my sin to my leaders, and I will take whatever happens as your loving discipline. As your loving hand maturing me. I think that is true repentance. The heart that says, "Lord, whatever you need to do to kill this sin in me, and make me a man after your own heart." That's the repentant heart. That's the heart God restores.

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Could I ask you to meditate on some versus and pray about them? I think God will lead you if you do.

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-Proverbs 28:13

-Psalm 32:5

-Psalm 32:3

-Hebrews 12:4-11

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5- More than anything, you need a heart that loves God and hates sin. This is where I hate the internet. It's so limiting. I can't hear your story... I can't hear how you got here... I can't have good dialogue. I know I'm basing all this off of 5 sentences.

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All I know to say is, you've gotta fall in love with God. Sin is always a game of pleasure. You've gotta see that. You go to sin because you think it's going to offer something you don't currently have, or something you think you are entitled too.

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But when you see that Jesus, relationship with Him, fellowship with Him is so beautiful. It gives so much pure joy and satisfaction, it makes sin look silly. When you sit at the feet of Jesus and see Him, face to face, it changes your heart over time to hate sin.

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Can I just encourage you to sit with God? Listen to worship music and pray/talk to Him. Go on walks and pour your heart out to God. Read the scriptures every day and let the goal not be reading 5 chapters, but spending time with God.

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6 - Really practical, I'd buy this book right now. Finally Free. It's the best resource I've read regarding fighting sexual sin. It's very gospel centered. It really gets the deeper issues of sin.

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7- I love and care for you both. I know the specific weights pastors carry, and I feel for you. I know how hard it must be to carry this. My heart truly breaks. Please know, you are not alone. I do not say anything from a place of being better than, or having it all together. I am just as much in need of the Gospel. I hope you hear the humble tone in this that I wrote it from. I'm for you. But I don't want you to lie and fake it until something worse happens.

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Please send me a message if you'd wish to talk further, or if you have questions about anything, just reply to this. I want to offer help anyway I can.

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Blessings friends,

Pace.

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How do you pray?

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I'm not commenting on your prayer specifically, but I think some prayers are not answered because they are made for their own will... At times I definitely wanted to stop for worldly benefits... this always left me high and dry...

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Other times, I allowed my expectation of fulfillment to exist on a timeline. Maybe I thought I had made it this far now i'm on easy street, etc... Giving God a deadline is a surefire way to delay answers to even good prayers.

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Matthew 6:33 33But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

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Sometimes all we can do is wait. Here are some good books on contemplative prayer that greatly elevated my knowledge of interior and constant prayer

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- https://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-Shambhala-Classics/dp/1570628076?SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duckduckgo-ffsb-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=1570628076

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- https://www.audible.com/pd/Into-the-Silent-Land-Audiobook/B00FPUZHQM

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People say when you find yourself walking through hell, keep going. Maybe... I say if you find yourself, sit down and pray in peace and acceptance with your circumstances and wait on the Lord's grace and mercy to get you out of it.

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A lot of unrest comes from thinking we deserve a fair and comfortable life... I've come to a place where i just don't think this is true.. I'm wondering if this isn't you a bit in your frustrations, thinking your actions should have earned God's grace by now. I think God graces us with freedom to the extent we truly know we are unable to break free ourselves. I still struggle with sleepless nights sometimes though it's been ohhh... 6 months since i've watched porn and i know i will lose it the second i take for granted that God is every second of the day keeping me from my giving into my own temptations.

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Lots of other unrest comes from wanting to know when something will happen, when a problem will be resolved, when I'll find a significant other, etc... God knows these things and the quicker you give up wanting to know when, the quicker they will happen... Like falling asleep on an airplane, it still takes you just as long to get there but you just don't notice it.

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The truth is if Jesus showed up in a leather jacket and said Drev92! I need you to fight this demon right here, he's gonna beat you up pretty good but you can beat him in the end if you keep the faith, you'd hear some hardcore classic rock music, crack your knuckles and step up to the plate. You'd wear your bruises, cuts, bumps, and breaks as badges of honor in Christ's name right? This is no different. Paul brags in his weakness and I do to, with my real Christian friends I know they respect me far more for fighting this fight than if i was already Mr. Perfect... It's the Mr. Perfects that are actually incapable of connecting with anyone, you? you're just psyching yourself out.

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Lastly, in general judge yourself by the fruit of the spirit test. If what you're doing is not yielding fruit of the spirit, then change your practice up. From a worldly perspective this is about building ourselves up mind, body, and spirit to cultivate a peace from within. From a spiritual perspective, this is about submitting our will to God's and doing everything we can to love him as much as possible.

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Lastly lastly, maybe find a sex addicts anonymous group to go to in person if you feel comfortable. It's indeed important to be connected into community and to fellowship with people fighting similar battles, I'll be you'd have an easier time connecting there (or at any narcotics / alcoholics anonymous) or volunteering at a recovery clinic, etc... Some churches are full of people who think sin is for everyone but themselves.

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Lastly lastly lastly, if you'll let me i will throw my pain in with yours and we can hurt together. Its been 6 months since i've looked at porn but i'm having just as much struggle now with m in general even without the porn... Thing is, we all will always have our #1 addiction... Even if we completely kick this habit we still have plenty of sinful habits to deal with so if you would... pray for me and i'll pray for you and we'll wait on God's good grace together...

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Hang in there and whatever you do, keep going.

So I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you because I think you can handle it and you sound exactly like me.
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Ever since I saw my first video online I was instantly drawn to pornography. I realized quickly though that what I found interesting in my porn was not the same that most of my friends enjoyed. I came to the realization that many of my friends used porn as a pure sexual release and for them they didn't mind the fake and overproduced videos. The women on screen were merely a collection of body parts.

However, when I looked for porn I invariably enjoyed the types that at least attempted to portray that they were enjoying it. That it wasn't some bang fest but that it was two people that genuinely wanted to be filming together. However, even this started to feel lackluster and I didn't enjoy it. Through out this time though, these videos failed to capture my attention for more than a couple minutes at a time.

However, I found that when I got the chance I loved sitting and watching cam girls. These girls that are fully clothed and just talk and do normal things like play online games and chat the users in their forums. I found this enchanting. I began to realize I didn't like porn because it met a sexual need but I enjoyed porn because it met an emotional need.

The reason I liked cam girls and things that had a more intimate feeling was because it felt like they were really my girlfriend. It felt like they trusted me and wanted me to experience life with them. It was a way for me to feel like I wasn't alone.

This is just a dangerous of a decision as watching porn (if not more) because you are emotionally crippling yourself to be involved with a woman that does actually love you and does actually want to share intimately with you. You are hurting your future wife and future marriage.

Moving forward.

>Many of the motivations for quitting pornography don't even come close to applying to me. I can't count the number of posts I've read on /r/NoFap, and sometimes here, telling us we shouldn't watch P because it's an inaccurate representation of sexual relations, because of the horrible conditions the actresses operate under, because...

>I don't care. I didn't watch that stuff. Chalk it up to very specific tastes, if you like, but that had nothing to do with the crap that I viewed.

Newsflash! You have wrongly convinced yourself of this and have been lying to yourself for a long time. These are excuses to disregard bad behavior. I convinced myself of this too. There is not financial slavery or physical slavery happening here but that is far from something being enslaving. You and I are still taking advantage of these women! Don't delude yourself. You are stealing something from them that you have no right to. You don't get to chalk it up to being voluntary. These are human women who are hurting. (All people are wounded and are hurting. Some more than others.) They have a burning desire for validation as beautiful women just as you have a burning desire for validation as man. They are turning to the internet to provide them with some sort of happiness but the truth is those comment sections will ultimately only hurt them more than help them. They are as emotionally dependent of fleeting words of affirmation as you are on their false validation of your masculinity.
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The problem I see in your rationale is that you have decided that since your sin doesn't stink as bad as the next guy that you're for some reason ok. I believed this for a long time. The fact is sin is sin. Even if that girl was as emotionally stable as could be, you are still damaging yourself, damaging your wife, and damaging your relationship with God. You are turning to that girl to prove that you are a man. You are taking to her a wound that only God can heal. All she is going to do is scratch at it and keep it festering. It will grow worse and worse until you can no longer tell where the wound starts and you start.

WE MUST TURN TO GOD FOR OUR VALIDATION!

Only can Christ's act of Grace on the cross ever heal our wound. No matter how much money we have, how big our house is, or how many wives we have it will all fall short in trying to fulfill our sense of validation. Ecclesiastes 1:2 pretty much sums it up perfect. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." That is pretty much the truth. Anything you find on this earth will never compare to the true love and validation you will find in the Lord.
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Read below if nothing else.

My advice to you is to first truly dwell on your own wound as a man. A great book to read is Wild at Heart which discusses what a man's heart truly longs for. That is what you are describing here. You aren't longing for sex you're longing for validation. Figure out what it means to be a godly man! Read about Paul's life, read about Moses, read about David or Solomon. There are some incredible men in the Bible. None of them get it right all the time. Most of them screw up in huge ways but the life changing point is that these men do not turn to the world for their validation, they turn to God. When you finally find your masculinity through the Lord then an amazing woman will come your way, who knows she may be hiding right under your nose.

Prayers, lean on the Lord!

Wow, thank you for being brave enough to share something of such depth and being vulnerable to us as an audience. I have no idea what how or what a woman deals with sexual urges. I grew up in a strict home with a bro and 3 sisters. My parents, especially my mother, really never talked about sexuality, except that sex was for marriage as it was God's plan. I cannot stand (pardon my crudeness) the societal assumption that I as a man am merely a walking talking hormone driven mammal with my penis in the captain's Chair and my brain serving drinks in first class. I recently read a book called love and respect :http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs-ebook/dp/B004MYFQ3Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1416530197&sr=8-1&keywords=love+and+respect I highly recommend it. I didn't read the women's section and when my fiancee asked why I told her that i didn't want to read it and then start comparing her to "what a woman should do". Well I did read the sexual chapter in that section. I didn't care much for the idea of a wife being there to minister to her husband's sexual "needs". Needs are food, shelter, security. hormones in contrast rise and fall like the waves in an ocean. I recommend http://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Beginners-Introduction-Revolution-ebook/dp/B004EPZ11K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1416530408&sr=8-1&keywords=theology+of+the+body+for+beginners Theology of the Body for beginners. I like JP2's vision of married love. That sex isn't like scheduled car maintenance. sex is fruitful, faithful total, and free. This is why I hate porn. I have worked long and hard to remove it out of my life and i am almost there by the Grace only of God. I want when I marry next year not to be serviced by the wife, but to and with her renew our wedding vows. I have so much respect for you femostrants and the challenges you face. You are so right when you say purity isn't a gender exclusive club. The church, protestant and catholic alike are going to have to open their eyes to this. Its destroying lives and marriages. I am at the point now in my journey where i also talk open about it. Sometimes to women, the first time i did it i was shocked at not being rejected as a perv. I thought about it and realized. WOMEN WANT MEN TO BE STRONG, BRAVE LOYAL, HONORABLE and SELF SACRIFICING! I will up it a little...women NEED their men to be that way. Gaining control over my mind heart and body by getting rid of PMO is making me into that kind of man little by little. I have a ways to go but when I get there all the way I won't be alive anymore to need it lol. Again thanks for all you do, for being brave, honest, and public

Hey there, look at the situation that led you to that point... two months is really great and while you've relapsed you've also had a taste of what being clean is.

So here's my advice. Today, make some plans as to what you're going to default to instead of going to porn. So next time you're tempted you have a list of options instead of trying to think of options when all you want is PMO.
Things to do rather than fapping:

• Push ups/press ups
  
• Going for a run/gym/exercise
  
• Going to a cafe/library and read
  
• Hanging out with friends/family - face to face relationships are awesome after "bonding" with a computer screen for years.
  
  You may notice an absence of spiritual "advice" here, and personally I feel that in times like that you're not going to have much luck sitting there trying to read the bible/praying - what I will say though is in times of temptation a quick "help me be strong Jesus" will do wonders!
  
  In terms of spiritual advice, that's where you have to do the groundwork before temptation strikes, spending time reading the word and praying is really important, think of it as your life is currently a tank filled with murky porn water, keep tipping the pure water of Christ into your life and in time it will flush out the filth that is residing in your life. Also reading books to help deepen your spiritual walk is key also.
  
  I will recommend a couple of books that I have found really helpful for me - and I wish I'd read them at your age.
  
  
• Wild at Heart - John Eldredge
  
  
• Captivating - Stasi Eldredge
  
  
• Every Man's Battle - Stoeker/Arterburn
  
  Also a final piece of advice, go and make friends with some girls/women - start talking to them and realizing that they're so much more than the one dimension that you're used to seeing in porn.

Read your Bible and pray daily. I know that might not sound cool or whatever, but it is a habit that you'll need for the rest of your life.

As far as being fed...a local church is vital to the Christian life. But also may big time preachers have either audio or video sermons online. For far too many reasons to list here, I would recommend conservative preachers. Check out David Jeremiah, Tony Evans, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, and Alistair Begg. Also if you do a search for Martin Lloyd Jones there is a trust with his sermons. Again, ain't no school like old school.

And please do yourself a favor and start reading C. S. Lewis. There is another book I like to recommend by Philip Keller it isn't very expensive and is amazing https://www.amazon.com/Shepherd-Trilogy-Looks-23rd-Psalm/dp/0551030704

If your are up to reading more challenging stuff work on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The Cost of Discipleship is amazing

Calvin inspired what today is known as Calvinism, which is a staple of Reformed churches. A lot of popular pastors & apologists are Calvinists (John Piper, R. C. Sproul, James White, Tim Keller, etc.). There are also many apologists & Christian leaders of other persuasions concerning God's providence (William Lane Craig, Nabeel Qureshi, & others).

Everyone accepts predestination, but the issue is whether we are determined or not. Are our actions fully determined by God? Do humans have libertarian free will? Or are the two not mutually exclusive (compatibilism)?

This has been a hot topic for centuries, & it seems to have a bit of influence on your present concerns. So, if you'd like to look more into it, I highly recommend "Four Views on Divine Providence".

“We walked vineyards, where we learned the best vines grow in struggled soil. We studied the vines, scarred with age. The signs left behind by years of pruning are easily visible. We also learned that the best wine grapes grow on vines with the most scars. Struggles and scars create richness and complexity, producing a wine worth sharing. Pruning is an act of love by the vinedresser.” From the book I'm currently reading.

God has a plan for you, just like the winedresser has for his vineyards. The best fruit comes after the struggle of growth and pruning, but trust the Lord and seek Him in all situations and the fruit and or reward will be greatly sweet.

I am in a somewhat similar situation to you. If you can invest some 20$, please read this book and then put into practice the keys it provides. I assure you it will be worth it. GOD the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit desire relationship with each and everyone of us, Spirit to spirit, not performance, not Bible head knowledge, not religious effort. Persistently ask GOD to become real to you, to have a love relationship with you. The void you feel now is already a sign you are being drawn to GOD. Most people are not even aware of the possibilities of a genuine relationship with GOD, in Spirit and in truth.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078NY51ZC?tag=bizzi0d-20

Hi Man, I understand Your Situation. Porn I will not lie and nobody here will Lie is so damn pleasurable and good. It makes us feel so damn good. Just think about it Watching porn and heighten the process through Orgasm. No Doubt the feelings are of immense pleasure but if we think honestly is it really good ? Just think about it, Is it really that good ? Trust me, It is not. I've been there. It is not good man.

Yes it is pleasurable but it is destructive. Just think, eat a hamburger with fully loaded cheese. It is Pleasurable to eat, but it is destructive man. It is. Things that are good take time. Watch This Video

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I would recommend you reading one book. Finally Free - Heath Lambert. Get it Here. Book

Happiness is completly dependent on circumstance. Joy isnt. You can be happy because your joyful but you can not be joyful because you are happy. Joy is very dependent on your obedience to God.

If you want to read a great book on joy despite your circumstance read tortured for Christ. https://www.amazon.com/Tortured-Christ-Richard-Wurmbrand/dp/0882643266/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526686542&sr=8-1&keywords=tortured+for+christ

Hey man love the quote and i've been meaning to get my hands on the book! If you are interested, another book that goes into depth even more than that one (just guessing here) is Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus. I would highly recommend it. SOOOO accurate with all of it's insights! you'll be incredibly surprised how great it is! I mentioned it and my accountability group in this post. hope this helps! good luck brother!

My friend, that may be exactly why God hasn't led you to someone.

You know why I know this? Your description of why you want a relationship is nearly exactly what my husband's was. First, my husband's porn addiction nearly tore us apart. Then, as he was working through recovery, his passiveness in our marriage nearly broke us again. When we finally broke down the reasons why we got married his was as simple was, "I wanted a friend to share life with and someone to love that would always love me." Which sounds nice and Christian, right?

A relationship isn't about companionship or even the warm fuzzy feelings. Honestly, those are the bonuses. A Christian relationship is about sanctification and learning more about God. And it's really hard. This is a book I've waiting on to ship to me to read that maybe you should check out: http://smile.amazon.com/Sacred-Marriage-What-Designed-Happy/dp/0310242827/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1427478261&sr=8-2&keywords=marriage+is+for+holiness

Since I haven’t seen this book recommended yet I feel like this would be an excellent resource for you both. I’m working through this myself and I’ll be going over it again with my wife once I finish.

The Way to Love Your Wife: Creating Greater Love and Passion in the Bedroom (Focus on the Family Books) https://www.amazon.com/dp/158997445X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wxy6BbA3YHJ1A

If you want to know what it’s like for a guy to struggle with lust pick this one up as well.

Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307457974/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9zy6BbJR8SQX5

I would also like to say that you shouldn’t have much to worry about. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about his struggles and if he really wants to get better then he WILL understand when you say you’re not comfortable doing something that he wants to do, wether it’s an idea from porn or not. If you both read the first book together and take notes, discuss personally important chapters, and find a marriage councilor, then you’re setting yourselves up for success.

Ps. I think there’s a companion book for women (for both books) but if I link to to many books someone will start thinking I work for amazon... 😇

Remember, it's not how many times u fall, rather it's how many times u get up, that actually matters.

What has helped me is to literally make paper cut outs with the number of day since noFap, and place it in my room, it's fun to reach milestones, like day 7, 30, 50, 100, etc. I give myself a "reward" for each milestone i reach. For example, eat an extra snack on day 7, go out to a fine diner at day 30, a mini day out of town on day 50, etc.

This is a great spiritual motivator, highly recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/DaySpring-DayBrightener-Perpetual-Scripture-75621/dp/1608176428

It’s actually not a pdf but a book. I bought it through the Apple book store but it’s available elsewhere. Here’s the link to Amazon where you can read the description and also a sample. https://www.amazon.com/Unwanted-Sexual-Brokenness-Reveals-Healing/dp/1631466720. I’ve really enjoyed it so far.

Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0307987159/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_4oZWDb9PMRV31

Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1631466720/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_aNmUDbFFFZWKZ

I'd say the book "Every Man's Battle" ( Amazon )and maybe a small gift card to something. I'm reading the book now and its great so far.

I presume this book is mentioned in this sub frequently, but I highly recommend "Every Man's Battle" by Steve Arterburn.

I'm a late-30s man and I still frequently go back to this book.