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My best advice is make them feel welcome in the community. I’m not really sure how youth groups work but I know many of my friends who are both lgbt and Christian, it can be hard because of people who tell them they cannot be both. Let them know that they are loved and welcome.
As for there being a boys and girls side, I do agree that if at all possible you could remove the gendered sides. If there’s adult supervision in the lock-ins while they’re going to sleep it should be fine. If it’s not possible to remove the sides you can ask them where they’d prefer to sleep, and explain to them that there isn’t much you can do about removing the split sides.
A final thing I’d like to suggest is maybe reading the book “a quick and easy guide to they/them pronouns” it’s a short comic book that helps to explain non gendered pronouns to people who don’t know much about the topic but are willing to learn. It’s only about $8 (link to book)

I’d also like to say I’m glad you’re putting in the effort to make them feel welcome and safe. I’m sure they appreciate it

Not sure if this is a style you're going for but this jumped out at me:

I did a quick look on the internet and I found this T-shirt which says "MERMAID SECURITY" on it.
https://www.amazon.com/Merman-Mermaid-Security-Shirt-Swimming/dp/B07H3FB6C6
I immediately think of doing a badass security officer outfit, maybe a leather jacket or black bomber jacket over the mermaid security shirt, black pants, chunky serious-looking boots
If you wanted to go crazy you could make yourself a fake mermaid security badge and like, have part of the badge show your pride flags in like a subtle way
Maybe some mermaid-y earrings or a bracelet to soften it back out if you wanted to
Add something spiky maybe if you want it to look more dangerous
Suspenders if you wanted more of the merman stagehand/librarian look
Do some scaly face makeup going up the throat or wear some fingerless mermaid gloves (either cut short or looking like short gloves because they vanish into the sleeves of your jacket) to bring in more of a being a mermaid as well as being security feel

Unless there was like actual security there, then the outfit might get awkward xD also not sure, this might be more masc than you were looking for or maybe not mermaid-y enough? This is more of a list of how I would feel comfortable

At the end of the day, always do your style :)

Yeah, Im currently single, but ive definitely thought about what relationships i might miss. What ive decided though, is that if i find someone that really loves me, they will love me no matter what i do, and anything else isnt worth it. (Ik thats so oversaid, but i really think its the right idea)
That being said, it doesn't make it suck any less.

If you haven't talked about it with her yet though, i wouldn't count it out just yet. One of my friends recently went through a similar experience with his girlfriend, and she was totally accepting.

For tucking, i don't have a whole lot of experience, and dont really know what youre referring too haha. but what works for me is using this gaffe with some boyshorts under it because its assless lol.

And yeah, i have mild anxiety so i def understand.

I also feel that "it" is the best pronoun I could use for myself, and I also feel intense pressure from the community to NOT use that pronoun. It also seems absurd to me that a person should be offended by what I choose to call myself. I think it's reasonable to assert that I'm allowed to use whatever words I like to refer to myself, but if you ask me not to use a given word around you because it bothers you, I'll try to accommodate that, just like I'd try not to swear around a person who asked me not to. With a pronoun, though... it feels like that is too fundamental and tied to one's identity to be reasonably policed this way.

If a lesbian wanted to be called a "dyke" (personally I love this word), or like my best friend, if a gay man liked using the word "faggot" jocularly to himself and his friends (I know a LOT of gay men who do), I wouldn't try to tell them that they shouldn't, but I also would understand why it would offend people. So I'm not sure what the answer is. Part of the reason I have no problem with "it" personally, I think, is because of Clive Barker's Imajica. One of the main characters is a creature whose sexuality and physical appearance are determined by the person LOOKING at it - a creature of manifest desire, so to speak. It's known as a mystif, and throughout the book is referred to as "it." The book is romantic, deeply emotional, and Pie'oh'pah never feels disrespected or denigrated, but I couldn't argue that "it" doesn't dehumanize Pie - it does. That's the point. Pie is not a human and shouldn't be thought of as a human. That would be limiting your understanding of it and who it is.

And here we come to the thing. "Dehumanize" means two things, and one of them is okay, and the other is not. When we mean that someone is treating a person as if they don't deserve rights, safety, the same things everyone else deserves, we call that dehumanizing, and that's fucked up. I don't think that the use of "it" as a pronoun necessarily does that, though. I think the use of "it" as a pronoun does the other form of dehumanizing, and it's the one I'm fine with: it sets me apart from humanity, makes me sound as if I am not human.

Think about the difference between saying: "You are not A PERSON" and "You are not HUMAN." I could be a person with rights and feelings without being human. I see this idea come up in /r/ennnnnnnnnnnnbbbbbby a lot - a lot of enby folks seem to feel this same disconnection I do, this sense that humanity as a concept is an ill-fitting suit, that the body can't be entirely divorced from its binary construction and so gender feels inextricably part of the human experience. There are tons of memes about being "a vaguely girl-shaped void in space" or "an ancient existential horror in a flesh suit" etc. - enbys FEEL dehumanized, and we don't particularly seem to mind that. I've never felt that becoming a man would make me more comfortable with myself, but I've many times felt that becoming a ROBOT would sort some of my shit out. I don't want to be a human. I don't want it to be easy for people to decide how to categorize me and then forget me. I don't want them to skim over my pronoun comfortably and then class me with all the other people they've ever known who used that pronoun. I want them to think about it when they say it, even a fraction as much as I have, and consider both why it bothers them and why it might not bother me. I want them to want to ask questions and be curious. For those reasons, I use the pronoun "it." But there's only one important reason, and that's that "it" feels like me. That's what pronouns are for. They're words that you use to refer to a specific person, place or thing. I would like to be specified, and in that respect, "they" is insufficient. "It" is specific without being definitive.

And if someone is the kind of person who would be so troubled by my use of "it" to refer to MYSELF exclusively, they will probably be troubled by a lot of other things about me, so we probably won't be friends. I think it'll be all right. I ain't hurtin anybody, and neither are you, so you do what feels right.

I've got a pretty large belly, something like a size 24 in pants. I find that bootcut or flared jeans look more feminine on me than straight leg or skinny jeans, and I stick to those even when they're less popular. Flowy tops also work well, anything that's form fitting in the top half and loose below the bust. Tunic tops, some peasant tops, etc.

If you don't really have much in the boob department, look for a padded / push-up bra in a B cup, you won't find many 42+ band sizes with a smaller cup that are affordable, and they do surprisingly well even with just heavyset AMAB-boobs.

I don't usually have very good luck at thrift stores, there's rarely a decent amount of plus-size clothing and it's rarely something I'd wear. I've been buying cheaper stuff from Amazon, the quality isn't amazing, but I've been pretty happy with this brand. Hope that helps!

So here's the thing: gender is like 80% made up anyway, so IDing as NB because societal expectations for your assigned gender suck is fine, imo. That being said, at this point in my life and transition, I definitely feel that positive feedback is better for figuring out your gender.

In my case, I started transitioning because I hated trying to be a man and even though I didn't know what it felt like to be a woman, I wanted to be a woman. About a year ago, I realized that it was maybe a bit more complicated than that, in part because defining "man" or "woman" is incredibly difficult because of that made up 80% (at least, that's my guesstimate) but also because I was defining myself as much in a negative way as a positive way (I wanted to be a woman because I didn't want to be a man). So I decided that rather than try to be a woman, I'd just try to be myself and see where that got me. It's working pretty well.

Trying on some different labels can be helpful. I think the important thing to remember is that gender labels are descriptive rather than prescriptive. They are tools for understanding and communicating about our genders, not what determines who we are and how we must behave.

To move forward positively, I highly recommend checking out a diversity of trans and NB voices and listening for things you relate to without worrying too much about whether those folks share your particular labels. I've been getting into the Gender Reveal podcast lately and spending more time on NB Twitter and Reddit. This is a good book, too.

> I think your privilage is showing with this type of comment and you are not actually looking out for fat people within this community..... I don't say any of this to attack you but to hopefully educate you somewhat. Fatness isnt inheritly bad and while it can be stored differently weight loss is not always a viable options.

You insinuated that I have negative attitudes about fat people and you've trotted out that passive-aggressive word "privilege" to invalidate me and insinuate that I'm an uneducated tool who lives in a bubble of unawareness that other people are less fortunate.

Yes, you have attacked me. No doubt about it!

Furthermore, you implicitly suggest that because I shared advice from one book, it's like that one book forms the entirety of my education about health.

Sure, there are doctors who have given up on telling their patients to diet and exercise. But have you ever heard of Doctor Dean Ornish? He is the doctor who created the first diet and lifestyle intervention program to qualify for insurance reimbursement in the United States. (https://www.nytimes.com/1993/07/28/health/unusual-heart-therapy-wins-coverage-from-large-insurer.html) You might want to read about his results treating patients with heart disease.

Since Douglas Lisle, the author I reference previously, advocated veganism as part of the diet he recommends. (which I am not strictly following, btw), I may as well point out that according to many sources, vegans are one of the few identifiable groups in the US that are not overweight on average. (http://vegansrising.com/10-reasons-becoming-vegan-is-the-key-to-a-long-healthy-life/) Do bear in mind that many "average vegans" are indulging in potato chips, vegan cake, and other junk food.

Fatness isn't bad. Really? Then why does it correlate with almost all the major diseases that kill people?
Cancer (https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/obesity/obesity-fact-sheet#q4)
Heart disease (http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/96/9/3248)
Diabetes (http://www.obesity.org/content/weight-diabetes)

Fatness is hereditary? Then why has obesity increased so much in the last half-century? If it was hereditary, maybe we would expect that fat people are the sexiest people on the planet and can't stop reproducing.
(https://nchstats.com/category/overweight/)

Now, since you also suggested that I am ignorant of the supposed fact that poor people don't have access to high-fiber, low-fat food, let's take a quick look.

https://www.amazon.com/Bushs-Best-Black-Beans-cans/dp/B01MSUUZ9O?th=1
Here's 14 lbs of canned, ready-to-eat black beans for $14.25, just under $1 per pound. If you order two orders of this, it qualifies for free shipping in the US and you can have it dropped off at your doorstep for your convenience. I'm sure you'll tell me that in my bubble, I don't realise that there are people who can't afford this. It's a shame that we allow people to fall into such circumstances, but such that is a concern for another thread. (We have a serious problem with wealth disparity, as well.) Odds are if you can't afford to eat beans, you're not spending much time on Reddit.

Now honestly, do I have a problem with fat people? No, I do not. I have friends and family who are obese. Wouldn't I like to wave a magic wand and make them thin and healthy!

Do I have a problem with normalising obesity and saying that it's healthy? Yes, I do!

Does class and disability play a role in obesity? I don't deny it!
But hey, we have lots of rich, privileged fat people, too! We have a crisis on our hands. We have people of all classes, races, and both genders dying by the millions from obesity-related causes.

As Douglas Lisle also pointed out, the only species where obesity is prevalent are dogs, cats, and homo sapiens. They all live under one roof!

What's your measurement? Hard to gauge what a tiny trans body means.

Indochino would do whatever size customized but with shipping is going to run you upwards of $100 a shirt. Sounds like you are not looking to spend too much.

What about a boys shirt? Like this or this.

May I also suggest you look into a nice pair of goodyear-welt oxfords like these with a nice toe shape? Goodyear welts are not the cheapest but they are solidly built and you can replace the sole but keep the leather upper, meaning you can literally wear them 5-8 years minimum.

Edit: BTW the suit looks nice

I would definitely recommend a chest binder I use a vest with a built in chest binder, but I would recommend taking measurements of yourself and shopping around I'll look through my amazon for mine and edit in a link to it for you

Edit: not mine but is likely better given chest size disparity to me (36C/D) https://www.amazon.com/JARAZIN-Lesbian-Binder-Strapless-Elastic/dp/B07DYL6QQS/ref=mp_s_a_1_15?keywords=Womens+Les+Lesbian+Tomboy+Short+Slim+Fit+Chest+Binder+Vest+Tank+Top&qid=1564549827&s=gateway&sr=8-15, it does say it only goes to D but that might help you on the right track to one best suited plus the measurements matter more than cup

Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Kevin Jennings

The GENDER Book - Mel Reiff Hill

The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes - Diane Ehrensaft

Gender Diversity and Non-Binary Inclusion in the Workplace: The Essential Guide for Employers - Sarah Gibson, J. Fernandez

Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents - Irwin Krieger

The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens - Stephanie Brill

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children - Rachel Pepper

In Germany we have a brand called ANITA. Can't vouche a 100% for them for being the best brand for a large chest, also I am not sure if you can buy their products everywhere. Ever since i discovered two or their models fits me more or less, it is my to-go brand. I posses now like 6 bras of two models and usually wearing them every not-binding day. the ones i have are pretty neutral in their design and I like the support and kind of light binding function. every now or then for very short trips I wear one of my very old bras and realise the huge difference. But I also gotta say that this brand doesn't fit me perfectly. My body changed quite a bit over the last few years (a difference of about 35-40 kilo less). I bought the 75-H modells, it is the only option that fits me more or less. I would need a smaler size (probs like 70ish) but in that case would also need a bigger cup which is not in their product range. It might be worth a try for you

https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0039O1DPK/ref=pe_3044161_189395811_TE_SCE_dp_1

https://www.amazon.de/Anita-Active-5527-Sport-BH-Schwarz/dp/B001VH7TTQ/ref=sxin_32_ac_d_rm?ac_md=1-1-YW5pdGEgYWN0aXZlIHNwb3J0IGJo-ac_d_rm&keywords=anita%2Bsport%2Bbh&pd_rd_i=B004HZHNY0&pd_rd_r=6a9870a1-b506-4627-8402-03931116a51d&pd_rd_w=esEZb&pd_rd_wg=j98Fq&pf_rd_p=2618eca9-4ff7-41d3-b46f-51aebb297467&pf_rd_r=58FSX1MN10FDCA0J6F7R&qid=1568644045&s=gateway&th=1&psc=1

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Those are the two I have

Honestly no clue. I got it from Amazon haha. DarcChic Mens Double Breasted Vest Waistcoat VTG Brocade Gothic Steampunk (S, Black) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MXXD108/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_YljMDbEP4MMR7

In true amazon fashion its just a bunch of keywords pushed together.

You could say that you came out two summers ago and you feel like they're trying to ignore you whenever you try to share this part of you. Proper framing helps this sort of stuff so just sort of putting it across as trying to help them understand where you're coming from and not wanting to lose ties to them might help? Alternatively, approaching one before the other and saying that you don't think the other wants to understand you? Might sound a bit manipulative but this sort of thing is basically already gonna be a struggle in trying to get someone to get you.

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Another option is going to be dropping an article on their lap or sticking something on the telly with a nonbinary character in it that'll help them understand it a bit without it seeming "forced" or giving them a chance to argue about it. If you watch films with your parents or anything, "Upgrade" is a 2018 Science Fiction film with a one scene nonbinary hacker formerly named Jamie and that was a life saver for me as far as something silly and dumb to put on that raised the talking point.

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A mate of mine recommended THIS ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/Quick-Easy-Guide-They-Pronouns/dp/1620104997 ) to me. Life saver and a half. My dad borrowed it for a weekend, started making an effort thereafter. Its not the most complex of books but its got the general gist that someone completely new might need.


And maybe avoid the polycule for a bit unless there's a natural opening for it. For some reason the idea of multiple partners seems to spook people more than "I'm not the gender you think I am."

TW: gendered product name/packaging

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CKY326Z - reusable silicone nipple pasties. They're comfortable for all-day wear, easily cleaned, and make nipples invisible. Despite the name and packaging, the product itself isn't gender-specific at all, and you could always keep them in a ziplock baggie or some such.