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This is my two cents. Take with a grain of salt. I am not a professional anything.
> If your family member is/becomes an alcoholic or addicted to drugs, do you just leave them be?
If that person is doing harm, HELL YES. Speaking as an addict in recovery, NO ONE CAN FIX AN ADDICT. It is completely down to the sick person to face the consequences of their actions and seek recovery if they choose. If you want to learn about detaching with love, seek out Codependent No More.
As for NPD in particular, empathy can't be learned. A person without empathy can learn pro-social behavior, but s/he will never be motivated by empathy. Unfortunately, his/her narcissism is rewarding his/her perfectly. S/he has no real motivation to change.
But that is all beside the point.
NO MATTER WHAT, if a person has children, HIS/HER RESPONSIBILITY IS TO THOSE CHILDREN.
No one owes an N a year or two. No one owes an N him even an hour.
The pro-social behavior an N shows at the beginning of a relationship is bait. The N seems perfect because s/he is performing a role. Afterward s/he slowly begins to test how much harmful behavior his/her partner will tolerate. The N will only do more harm. The N will never return to his/her former "perfect" self.
In this way, someone who pursues a toxic relationship hoping to recapture the bliss of the first high is very like an addict.
That's all I know.
I hope you find what you're looking for, and I hope you find abundant peace and joy.
EDIT: Fixed link