Best products from r/SRSWomen

Books my son has loved:

• "That Rabbit Belongs to Emily Brown". Queen Gloriana the Third tries every trick in the book to get her hands on Emily Brown's rabbit Stanley, but Emily Brown isn't giving her best friend away, not even for all the toys in the world. This is my son's favorite book ever. Great story, both main characters are female. The text is just right - a few challenging words/phrases which are repeated often, the rest easily understood by 3-4 yr olds. Illustrations are funny and awesome.
  
  
• "Falling for Rapunzel" - A fractured fairy tale (my favorite kind) in rhyme. The prince thinks Rapunzel needs his help and rides to her tower to rescue her, but she keeps mishearing his request to "let down her hair". Text is a bit challenging for 3-4 yr olds, and you might need to stop to explain the meanings of a few words, but my son loves the rhyme and LOLs a lot at the story. Nice illustrations too!
  
  
• "Where the Wild Things Are" - a classic, I'm sure you are familiar with it. When we read this book, I make sure the wild things are often "she". :)
  
  
• Several Dr. Seuss books, such as Green Eggs and Ham, and The Cat in the Hat. Some Dr. Seuss books are boring for my son, especially the ones with a LOT (just pages and pages) of nonsense words - entertaining for a bit but it's a chore to get through the book. We like the ones with a story. With Dr. Seuss, you need to be extra vigilant about gender of the characters, there are almost no female characters in his books. In our home when we read, I make the Cat in the Hat female :) all "she" where it says "he", and so on.
  
  
• any "Dora the Explorer" book. Great for characters of color. I highly recommend Dora in general, it's perfect for 3 yr olds. My son's outgrowing her now that he's 4, though, it's a bit too simple for him.
  
  
• recently we've added a bunch of nonfiction books about volcanoes, planets, dinosaurs, etc. When we read them there's always a discussion of stuff like "what's going to happen if we go to Pluto?" and so forth. Great time to inject diversity education: our astronauts are often disabled!

SO MANY HUGS. I was in precisely your shoes last year. My boyfriend of about 3 years showed signs of being unhappy for a couple of months, but assured me that things were fine (he was absolutely terrible at talking about things.) I went to visit him (we're also university students,) I asked him again if everything was okay and if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He said everything was good. Three weeks later he dumped me on the phone.

I felt like you did - in physical pain, devastated and feeling like the worst thing in the world had happened to me. I had to go to work the next day and spent the whole day shuffling around like a zombie. I cried all the time and begged him for answers as to why he dumped me. I got some vague ones but no real closure on the fact that he dumped me on the phone instead of in person (aside from the explanation that he's a coward.)

It's going to take time to get better. It's been a year since this happened to me and I feel a lot better about it. I'm over it but I'm not quite at the point where I can look back on our relationship with fondness. I'll share some of the things that made me feel better:

1. Have a good wallow. Have your best friend over (or do it alone, I personally don't like crying in front of people,) watch sad movies, eat junk food, drink wine and have a good cry. You need to give yourself perimeters for being out-of-commission level upset so that being depressed doesn't take over your life. Which is not to say that after one wallow you're never allowed to cry again, what it means is that you say, "ok, Tuesday night is going to be my sad night in, but for the rest of the week I'm going to try to keep myself together and do the things I need to do until my next sad night in."
   
   
2. Buy or borrow this book: It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken. It's quite possibly the cheesiest thing in the entire goddamned world but it helps. It's full of really good advice about how to stop obsessing over why he dumped you, what self-destructive behaviours you should recognize and keep yourself away from, and how to start feeling better. I read it about 3 times over the course of 2 weeks.
   
   
3. Yes, relationships become a huge part of what creates happiness for us. Part of what is so painful about a breakup is redefining yourself as an individual when you've come to see yourself as part of a unit. You need to start finding new sources of joy in your life. I bet you have lots of friends who you haven't seen as much as you used to before you got into a relationship. Reconnect with them and make one another valued parts of each other's lives. They're the people who are going to be gently pushing you out into the world again.
   
   
4. You're in college, right? College is full of new activities to try and new passions to discover. Last year, I threw myself into a ton of new clubs and societies. I had stuff going on every night of the school week. I met new people, I developed new interests, I tried new things and I had less time to sit at home and be sad. I'm sure your college is full of clubs, and all of them will be recruiting come September.
   
   
5. Look into counseling if you want to. Since you're in college it's probably offered at your student health centre. It never hurts to get some outside perspective and to unload feelings onto someone who's trained to help you through them and won't get tired of hearing about it.
   
   
6. Wait it out. Don't get mad at yourself for not being 100% better in whatever time frame you anticipated. It's the most infuriating cliche in the world, but time really does heal all wounds. If you really take time to take care of yourself, nurture the relationships in your life and discover new and exciting things, you'll heal. You're not broken forever and you will get better and find love again. It just takes time.
   
   Feel free to PM me if you feel like talking. Take care of yourself - I know it doesn't feel like it but you're going to be okay <3.

OK, I had a really small DIY wedding, because my awesome husband and I wanted to spend money on a new house and a nice honeymoon instead. It was so beautiful - handsewn dress, gorgeous and heartfelt details, plus my entire family pitched in along with the tiny desert town where we were married. I cried all day because it was like a dream, it was so perfect.

One of the best books I've read in the past ten years is called One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding. It's a solid takedown of the Wedding Industrial Complex and what a shitty thing it is. I recommend it to anyone who ever plans to have a traditional wedding ceremony because it really helps put stuff in perspective.

HOWEVER. I cannot seem to resist TV shows about weddings! I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would choose to spend 8,000 dollars on a dress when that money could buy three weeks in Florence, Italy for two in a gorgeous villa with great food, but I will watch the fuck out of a Say Yes to the Dress marathon. I adore Randy, the stylist. I love the little family mini-dramas that surround the process of choosing "the perfect dress". I love the beautiful, ridiculously overpriced dresses even though I went for something very simple and plain myself. I love the way each woman feels so invested in expressing herself through her choice of dress. Hell, I love the whole damn spectacle of it. WHY IS THIS I DON'T EVEN.

I also have been known to binge on marathons of Four Weddings (AKA Competitive Weddings), and have even been known to gawk at Platinum Weddings, which is generally populated by truly awful people. BUT ALSO SPARKLY THINGS AND PRETTY DRESSES.

I think it's my way of working through my thwarted princess fantasies from childhood or something. That's my rationalization, anyway.

You're getting great advice on surviving school, so I'll try to address "joining the workforce":

• Read this book. I can't tell you how much I wish it was around when I was getting my degree. It gives you a straightforward blueprint for what you should be doing in school. It's written by an awesome woman and it's spot on in every respect. The sister book "Cracking the Coding Interview" is amazing too when you get to interviewing for internships/jobs.
  
• Software is maybe less credential driven and more "meritocratic" than many fields, but software companies are looking for a story of success just like anyone else. High GPA is very helpful, extracurricular leadership is very helpful, etc. The book says all this I guess. But nothing matters more IMO than:
  
• Personal projects. Start building webapps, write a tech-focused blog, get a GitHub account, get involved with an open source project, whatever floats your boat. Work on tech outside of your coursework and make it something you can link on your resume. Start right now.
  
• Start getting internships as early as possible. Schools will generally tell you to wait till you've finished your sophomore year, but get one the summer of your freshman if you can swing it. If not an actual internship, at least something tech related. Tech internships usually pay really well too.
  
• You might think you are not good enough/experienced enough to write a blog, make a webapp, contribute to an open source project, get an internship. This is not true. a) The only way to get good at something is by doing it and feeling like you suck at it b) doing anything at all - no matter how crap it seems to you - will put you ahead of 90% of your classmates.
  
• There are a lot of shithead alpha-nerds making hiring decisions but there are also a lot of enlightened, woman/queer friendly people and places. I had a great experience interviewing for an internship at Google and I've heard good things about Facebook and Microsoft interviews. Smaller places are a mixed bag. Don't get discouraged, there are great places out there.
  
• Stick with it.

Ursula K Le Guin's Left Hand of Darkness - and pretty much anything else by her :)

Thanks for making this thread! I'm an avid sci-fi and fantasy reader, and I've had to learn to ignore the pretty blatant misogyny by many authors (I'm looking at you Heinlein...) so it's really great to get a list of good female authors!

CONGRATS ON YOUR JOB AND PREGGO EGGO! Praying that it comes out happy and healthy as can be!

• My awful cousin and her racist unemployed husband finally stopped taking advantage of my grandmother and moved out! YAY!
  
  
• I bought two Suda51 games that are just awesomely ridiculous.
  
  
• My trip to Florida is only 2 days away and I'll be getting my new septum piercing down there.
  
  
• Just got back from the doctor's and they said my insulin level is down (take that PCOS!)
  
  
• I bought "How To Be A Woman" and I'm excited to read it.
  
  
• Got some beautiful dresses and some new bras that make me look like whoa awesome.
  
  I can't wait for what next week brings!

Basically, if you have curly hair, shampoo generally does more harm than good. It strips all the natural oils from your scalp, which then inspires your head to make even more oil, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Shampoo isn't actually necessary to clean your head. Conditioner will rinse dirt off just as well, without stripping out all of your natural oils. If you decide to go no-poo, there is an adjustment period where your hair looks pretty bad. Your scalp is still producing way too much oil, but you stop stripping it all out with shampoo, and it takes a bit for your head to figure out that it doesn't need to make so much oil anymore. I spent about a week wearing a lot of ponytails and hats, just about gave up, and then I decided I try conditioner only one more time before giving up, and that was the time when I got out of the shower and my hair was gorgeous. Soft, silky, shiny, no frizz, fantastic.

If you're interested in trying it, I use the method in The Curly Girl Handbook. It's great. I actually need to buy it again, because I keep giving my copies away to people who want to try it. Edit after I went to find the link: OMG there's a new edition. And the Kindle version has video. I'm so excited!

Try reading The Purity Myth if you haven't already. It's an amazing book that does a great job of tearing down all the bullshit around virginity. No one can even agree on what makes you a virgin. Like you said, some people only think heterosexual people can even lose their virginity. Some people would say masturbating means you're not a virgin, but some people think it takes partnered sex. Virginity is a very vague idea, and not worth becoming too concerned about. Good partners will always realize that the notion of virginity doesn't mean very much.

Also, if you're concerned about future partners, remember that you still get to have a first time with each person you sleep with. Every relationship is special, every partnership has a beginning and that period of feeling butterflies when you look at the person you care about. You can always find connection and romance, it's not magically gone if you're not a virgin.

I usually don't say things to these people. I give them books, sometimes alongside gifts of really luscious teas, food or other things they might like. Usually, they read the books and come back a little changed and more amenable to new ideas.

I don't have any titles in particular for your situation because I haven't come across that specific problem in years, but DELUSIONS OF GENDER by Cordelia Fine is my current go-to, all around.

I think they are trying to be 'one of the guys', and honestly, I think their reaction is part of a denial of feminism that comes from being totally overwhelmed by the patriarchy. Gender fatigue, I think it's called. (So, maybe a book on that.) It usually breaks a few years later if they're lucky. Hope you're able to make it work! (And good on you for fostering this program!)

Ugh I would love this so much.

Two years ago I picked up Girls to the Front and it must have been just before finding reddit because I so much wanted other people to talk to about how the book made me feel. If people who read this thread haven't read it or don't know about riot grrrl I felt like it was a pretty great study of the movement.

I'm kind of trying to muddle through the Game of Throne books and Al Burian's Burn Collector book. I have some Ariel Gore books I want to do next. I'd put in the ring Ariel Gore's Atlas of the Human Heart. I couldn't put it down. I've had this one on my bookshelf for a while too.

Tonight is my maintenance window which means I get to come in and work overnight doing server maintenance. Not terrible, but not awesome.

I did just finish reading The Quarter-Acre Farm which was utterly fantastic. If you're interested in gardening, homesteading, or sustainable living I highly recommend it. It's informative, and the author is quite funny!

This is basically the recipe we used for the cookies, it's on a banner in our kitchen with a bunch of other Scottish dishes, haha. Rather than baking them in a pan, we used cookie cutters and a flat cookie sheet.

This is my favorite baking cookbook ever. Like I said, I got it in Reddit Secret Santa 18 months ago and I looove it. This is the recipe for the choco-coco squares or kärleksmums, but I'd invest in the cookbook if you're interested in baking- most of the stuff is pretty simple and there's American and EU measuring guides/temperature guides, which is nice. It's all of Sweden's award-winning dessert recipes in one guide.

You might enjoy Dune. Jessica and the Bene Gesserit are pretty impressive.

If you like historical fiction and/or Japanese stuff, you might like The Tokaido Road http://www.amazon.com/Tokaido-Road-Lucia-Clair-Robson/dp/0765305208/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345846807&sr=8-1&keywords=tokaido+road

Right now I'm reading The Talk-Funny Girl, which so far is very interesting.

I also love young adult fiction, I just finished the Maze Runner trilogy and Delirium and Pandemonium, which were all great beach reads.

You need these!