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Self Improvement:

1. Tell me about it. In my 20's, I ate everything under the sun and could barely maintain. Around 35, that shit ended. I did keto to lose it, but now eat a low-carb diet to keep it off. How are your cooking skills? What eating habits do you think are hindering your goals? Mine was beer and late-night carb snacking.
   
   
2. What stopped? I'm guessing a combination of stress, depression and too much fucking life! Something else, maybe?
   
   
3. Ooooh! What did you create before? Sounds interesting!
   
   
   Stuff for your daughter:
   
   
4. A walk before or after dinner. Every day. Teach her to observe. The birds and bugs. The spray paint markings on the street. See a plane in the sky? Ask her where she thinks it is going. Ask her why she thinks the leaves on the tree are changing color and falling off. It is a great chance to bond with her and help her learn (and for you to learn from here). It also helps with your first self-improvement item. During our walks, we end up playing tag, sumo wrestling (she wins a lot), a stripped-down fartlek (you might call them Indian runs), or her invention--running while holding hands. She loves these games and it gets my ass out of a chair. Again, the bonding time is unmatched.
   
   
5. Temper your expectations here. I say do it with gusto, but know that you will need tough skin if the PTA is mostly moms. They will see you as an intruder (as they do with most men in early education). I'm not one bit saying not to do it. Just know that you'll have to be extra tough and persistent. I would suggest also joining a dad's group. It's a good way for you to meet other motivated dads and learn additional dadcraft skills. PM me if you're having a hard time finding one in your area.
   
   
6. 4-5 books a night. This is the best damn thing you can do for your daughter. Your local library is awesome. Don't forget that they can order other books from other neighboring libraries. We have dealth with death (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, When Dinosaurs Die), potty training (Potty), divorce (Two Homes), science (Baby Loves Thermodynamics or Scientist Scientist), anatomy (Contemplating Your Belly Button), personal conduct (any of the Toddler Tools books from Free Spirit Publishing). I also throw one Dad book in each night like Kisses for Daddy, Grizzly Dad, Daddy Cuddles, Because I'm Your Dad and others. The DC Superheroes Character Education series is pretty nice. It also helps your bond with your daughter along with improving her reading skills.

This comment will be after the funeral, but for what it's worth, I took my two daughters to see my wife's body, and it was more upsetting for me. But my oldest was just 4 at the time, youngest 2. So I think the 9 yo is a different equation altogether. But it leads me to my answer to this - "For those single fathers who lost their partners, how did you stay strong for the children? " Well, the truth is the kids have been the motivation to stay strong in general. Again, it might be different with an older kid. But in the end, it's been about openness, honesty, grieving openly together. About 2 years in now, and still I feel I'm just at the beginning. The kids are doing great, but it is the older one that is confronted more often with feeling the reality of it emotionally. As for advice on what to do, I think it depends so much on the personalities involved. I have found that offers of help frustrate me for showing and highlighting my weekness and vulnerability, and can sometimes be intrusive. At the same time, when people withdraw or are just giving me space, I think they are cold and thoughtless. Perhaps understand that you might have to tread lightly, but perhaps an ongoing reminder that you're there to help, and picking up on subtle queues as to where that help might be welcome. Be there for the long haul. I think someone bugging me with a very quick and polite and unobtrusive concerning phone call or text or email once a week, that continues despite my wavering response and assertions that everything is OK - I think that would help. What a tough time for you and your cousin. We read this book a lot in the beginning .... not for everyone I'm sure, but maybe gently offer to buy it for the little one to read together with her dad? http://www.amazon.com/Missing-Mommy-Book-About-Bereavement/dp/0805095071/ It brought us a lot of tears, but helped us have something appropriate (albeit painful) to work through every night in the beginning.

Let the only metric you care about be getting on that treadmill (or whatever you do) every day, even if you can only go 5 minutes. It's really difficult after getting home from a days work and making dinners. I made an agreement with my girls that they'll keep to themselves for that time to allow me to do it.

With your girl being, what, 2 years old, it WILL be a different experience for you. Tough it out and make the priority your health and well being. Little ones love to do a project with Dad so make it a fun time or let her bounce around while you do your thing, a mini indoor trampoline is one way to let her burn off energy while being stationary.

You will never be able to show her what a healthy life looks like until you figure it out.

Go gettem!

I'm in the same situation as you. I've found the no tangle brush from Amazon to work wonders. I also take a bit of conditioner after the bath and put it in her hair and then brush it in. Both have vastly improved hair brushing time and her hair looks great and I get a lot of mileage out of looking like a competent single father of a little girl. It also sometimes helps to brush the hair a bit while she's in the bath and it's under water. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B007OWPWG4/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?qid=1397436685&sr=8-5&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70

Another book recommendation, for what it's worth - and if it isn't the book for you = only 13 bucks.
https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Acceptance-Embracing-Heart-Buddha/dp/0553380990/ref=sr_1_1?crid=18BLJTWLGH25E

It sounds like you have been mainly "functioning" the past year (a good thing), and with time have now reached a point where you can start "processing".

I found the book hard to read at first because it hit so close to home, however once I got past that it really helped me to open up to myself.

It did not magically fix anything, but I am now occasionally able to sit on my couch and have the mountain of accumulated sh*t sit next to me.

We are not friends, but is also no longer this hidden unseen threatening lurking huge blob. I accept that it exists, ergo it is no longer as much of a threat. Processing it won't be easy, but will be way healthier than having it festering under the scar tissue.

Also - in relation to your kid: My big festering blob did not fall from the sky, I am fairly sure by that I inherited big lumps of it from my parents, and indeed their parents; not intentionally at all - they were all doing their best to survive, but because THEY never got to the stage where they could process their own blob, it wound up in the next generation.

If you manage to make yours a little smaller through acceptance, compassion and yes - unpleasant hard emotional work, you will at least reduce the size of the blob you hand down to your child.

https://www.historynet.com/buddha-enlightened-warrior.htm

• Try to have an "evening reset" where you take 15-20 minutes to put most things in their place, wash dishes, etc. I find that the pain of those 15-20 minutes even if I'm dog tired is better than the pain of having to clean up a huge mess for an hour or more when it all piles up.
  
• Get some cloth sponges. These things are amazing! You don't need that particular one, just showing you an example of them. The dust and muck just comes right off with a rinse. So much better, IMO, than porous sponges and plain clothes if you want to avoid smearing dust and stuff when wiping things down. You'll thank me.
  
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  Great tips already in this thread, too. Main thing is to not let clutter build up to the point where it overwhelms you, and just set aside time one a week or so to do a clean. Doesn't need to be spotless, so no need to go crazy to impress anyone. You've got this, man.

Therapy doesn’t always help. Got to get a good one. Or one that avoids meds. Or one that embraces them. Different for everyone. And a long road. And sometimes nothing can be done. From what so read it sounds like she may have some borderline elements and this book could resonate or help you feel better about a path forward.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1442238321/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ruKWDb8J1XB4T