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I know that feel. I didn't have the exact same experience but something similar. It's cliche but the saying 'time heals all wounds' does apply. Although you may feel overwhelmed now, you have some AMAZING joys/life experiences ahead of you. If he chooses not to participate, that's his life choice and not something you can control. Focus on what you can do to make life easier for you and your little bump.

Being pregnant and doing this on your own can also be a good thing. Getting pregnant and finding out I was on my own really motivated me to finish my masters degree. I needed to support not just myself but my family now. I got into Columbia University, gave birth the second week of my first semester and finished my MS with nearly straight As and a 2 year old. It wasn't easy, but it was an amazing experience and I think I really value my education and my daughter more because I did it on my own. You find out how strong you are and you can really take pride in that. You should be proud of yourself already, play pens are still hard for me to set up!


Also, this book helped me a lot: http://www.amazon.com/Single-Womans-Guide-Pregnancy-Edition/dp/1451502737/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372568263&sr=8-1&keywords=single+guide+happy+pregnancy

There is no easy fix to this. I am almost 30 and struggle with it frequently. Personally for me what helped the most was being in school getting my bachelor's in child and family studies. The degree doesn't do alot if youre looking to make money when youre done but it was heavily focused on self growth and development. Some of the books we read included "parenting from the inside out" "7 habits of highly effective people" (Cliche' I know), and "A man's search for meaning". While these books were useful tools, it helped that the professors I had encouraged people to discuss their lives, struggles, Journal (but constructively, not just your struggles but when you overcome them, and set goals for yourself, document your downfalls and triumphs and review when youre down) and to stay off of social media. Unplug completely. this is something I still do when I feel overwhelmed with being a single parent. Also I know it is hard but if you can have your little one help with all the mundane stuff (like housework) it can help make it a sharing moment rather than I need to get this done moment. (I personally struggle with that from time to time, I don't know if you do). I am sorry youre struggling, please keep your head up. you will raise a strong woman and when she is older you are allowed to have fun with her while all those friends will be raising babies.

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https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Inside-Out-Self-Understanding-Anniversary-ebook/dp/B00HZ1E5BM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2Q560RPRBOPQZ&keywords=parenting+from+the+inside+out+book&qid=1556573094&s=gateway&sprefix=parenting+from+the%2Caps%2C142&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_2?crid=17U8X5LTV3VED&keywords=victor+frankl+man%27s+search+for+meaning&qid=1556573116&s=gateway&sprefix=victor+fra%2Caps%2C143&sr=8-2

https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful-ebook/dp/B01069X4H0/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3JN0J6CGL5KOP&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people&qid=1556573140&s=gateway&sprefix=7+ha%2Caps%2C146&sr=8-3

Oh that sounds soo hard! I feel you. FWIW no one knows instinctively how to be a good parent. We all need help. Maybe some of us are better at it than others like with anything. But you sound like you're making a good effort, and that's what it takes to be a good parent.

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Depending on where you live, you might be able to qualify for financial help paying for your daughters daycare or preschool so you can work more.

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I don't want to repeat what others have said, so I'll recommend some parenting books that have been helpful for me.

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I also have issues with yelling at my kids sometimes, and this book has helped me a LOT to stay calm and not yell. https://www.amazon.com/Now-Say-This-Parenting-Dilemma/dp/014313034X

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I like the articles on this website a lot and have turned to them for help. Here is an article about setting limits so kids will listen: https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2018/08/dont-get-mad-get-curious-setting-limits-that-kids-listen-to/

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I also like this website a lot, and here is an article about structuring routines for your family: https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/structure-routines

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Chin up, it sounds to me like you're already a good dad. Just the fact that you are reaching out for help and want to be a good dad means you're heading in the right direction.

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Mom: first you in the short term: I am not your doctor or a doctor, but someone who suffers the headache rainbow: not Advil, try excedrin extra strength. Advil is good for physical pain, excedrin for head aches. I get migraines, cluster headaches, and serious sinus headaches. You may have any or a combination. Excedrin extra has a sinus cocktail mixed in that may help if it's a mix. I often sneak an extra if two aren't working. Also get a pack of DayQuil. If it's more sinus pain, this may help. I have friends who swear by mucinex d, but I haven't tried it yet. You may have do try the round robin of medication until you find what works for you. Be warned that some states monitor and regulate the purchase of Pseudoephedrine, so don't stock up all at once. Cycle what may work, not work. In the long term: talk to primary care or ENT if you can about getting REAL medication to help if it's either migraine or sinus. If you can, I also very highly recommend buying a $20 face steamer like this ( https://www.amazon.com/Conair-Moisturizing-Facial-Sauna-System/dp/B017COTV8S/ref=sr_1_17?keywords=Face+steamer&qid=1556592676&s=gateway&sr=8-17) Awesome for skin, sinuses, and headaches. Also hot tea. Slight levels of caffeine like in hot tea (not coffee) opens up blood vessels to lessen pain. Steam also good.


Also, do not mix medications. If you have Advil in you now, wait 5 hours to medicate something else. You just don't want to risk serious personal health blips.


Also drink water. Drink water on good days and bad. At least 3-4 cups. If your headaches are sinus mixed, this will help prevent by thining mucus and phlegm.

On the kid front: I also have a five year old testing boundaries. On healthy days talk to your kid about your headaches. I'm very open about mine to my child to let her know that sometimes mommy just doesn't feel good and she needs to be a big girl about it, and let mommy be. If I can, I give her quiet tv, if she won't quiet play. It's tv nanny-tv I know, but sometimes you just have to be kind to yourself and let it go. Else, I'd be firm about boundaries. Remember, you're OK being a bit of mean mommy now so tgat when 15 rolls around you have a real adult in training.

Sending love, love, love.

You're wonderful. I'm a single mom and it's tough, I wish you all the luck. Some books I've found- based in the age of her kids.

Honest toddler:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Honest-Toddler-Childs-Parenting/dp/1476734771

Toddlers are A**holes:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0990592898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_b_img_2?refRID=143CABN3JSCS68Q317QX

Single mothers survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide/dp/1580910637

One more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0595397522/ref=pd_aw_sbs_2?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

Is this going to be anonymous? If not, ask to borrow her car one day. Say yours is in the shop. Fill it up with gas, wash it, change the oil, whatever you can afford to do.

If she has things on layaway, go pay them off.

These are mostly all monetary things, I know, but it sounds like she may be struggling a bit on that end.

Nominate her or put her name in for draws, raffles, anything. I know the radio stations here sometimes have a week where you can nominate someone awesome for whatever. This could be a good way to do things anonymously.

If you are close to the friend, you can do little things through her. Get her a gift certificate for something, have the friend say she won it and won't use it.

Good luck!!

Play pens are your friend. This is a pretty inexpensive option for them. Put one around the couch area and your food to go. Corrals the baby mess and if you are exhausted you can sit on the couch and baby is safe playing in a larger space.

I had one of these outside too so I could switch it up if she was crabby.

If it takes less than a minute just clean it up.

Get lots of nice looking baskets for toys.


Evenflo Versatile Play Space, Indoor & Outdoor Play Space, Easy & Quick Assembly, Portable, 18.5 Square Feet of Enclosed Space, Durable Construction, For Children 6 to 24 Months, Cream https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B2OWLAE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RLxhDbH9PGMGT

>It all depends on my mood at the time.

This is going to send very mixed signals to your child. Consistency is important. I would recommend some parenting classes/coaching, I know there are several free resources where I live. For books, SOS Help for Parents is very basic but was helpful to me.

Parenting with two parents isn't easy, either. I would focus on educating yourself about parenting and discipline techniques, and find what feels right to you.

I say this as a (now) single parent to three kids who was raised in a very abusive environment. I am worlds better at parenting than I was 7 years ago, because I have worked hard to change from what I was taught was 'normal'. My best advice is, if it doesn't feel right to you, it probably isn't.

That you are posting here is a great sign, just educate yourself and you'll find what works for you and your family.

I would recommend finding a "kids lunch" cookbook like this. That really helped me when I was new to making kids lunches every day, to get some ideas besides pb&j and a bananna! My son has helped pack his own lunch since the 1st grade. Of course when he was younger, I did most of the work! But we would sit down together every weekend & make a lunch plan for the week where he picked what he wanted. It really helps with the grocery shopping too (not buying unnecessary stuff). Anyhow, when he was in grade school, every night I would make the main part (sandwich, wrap, pasta, ect.) & he would add the sides (fruit, veggie, chips, ect.). Now that he is older (13), we still make the weekly lunch plan & he makes his own lunch every night. Well, nobody's perfect, so not every night! We all as single parents have those days where it's easier to stuff cash in their backpack, right?

>Does this ever get easier to figure out??

Sounds like you figured it out pretty easily.

If someone asks about your family, you name the people you love. If you're feeling generous, you also include the people that you wish you could bring yourself to love. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.

If your daughter is concerned about it, this book would probably be worth buying. It's below grade level for an 8 year old, but it speaks directly to the matter in a way she can easily understand.

SUPER! You have a grandma and an aunt in the picture. Use them. BUT, you are her parent. You make the calls. I have bigger, meaner fights with my mom now than ever in my life and they all revolve around how I expect her to act around or what she can and cannot do around my boy or let him get away with.

Bathing is easy, just get in with her and clean up. Our families rule of thumb is boys can bathe with dads for years, moms until boobs start getting asked about. Girls with moms for years and dads until the first wiener grab. So you have at least a year.

Smart and amazing, of course. Talk to her. Use adult words, explain everything and just jabber away. You actually will improve her vocabulary later in life.

As far as choking, avoid hotdogs & grapes. Cut them horizontally or longitudinally. Ya know, lengthwise. They are designed to choke kids, for real. My cousins are ER nurses and hotdogs can really be dangerous.

Best purchases ever

This tactical flashlight has a dim red setting and you can change a diaper without waking the kid.

This floatie got my kid swimming own his own by 18 months, our favorite trick was having him leap into pools and give old folks heart attacks... We are horrible.

Something like this would be good. "Sing-Along" songs and the like. Things like "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Because of your disability, though, maybe you could start her with a "children's sing-along song" DVD, that shows the subtitles across the bottom. That way you could sing along with her. I'm not very educated on deafness and how you could interact with her in that way, I'm sorry. Maybe there are "sing along" DVD's in which they show the verbal words spoken as subtitles along with how to sign the songs...? I wish I could be of more help.

This may be cost prohibitive but most "smart watches" will have a feature that lets you remotely take a picture.

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combine that with a cheap tripod : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IDL3Z3Q/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_lJ9FDbDR1FE0B

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and you're in business! I've had terrible luck with the timer function in my phones camera .

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also i tend to just take pics/vids of my kids. i remember what i look like. also if you have more than 1 kid. let them have a turn taking the pictures and you can get you+ kid pictures that way :)

This book lifted a lot from me. I've been right where you are, it gets easier and better. Stay strong. Sending hugs


https://www.amazon.com/Forgive-When-Dont-Feel-Like/dp/0736921486

I faced the same problem for my beautiful 6 year old daughter. Once the schools re-opened there came complaint of lice on her head.

The over-the-counter lice treatment medicines I used were of no good and they also called rashes on her sensitive scalp. Then I came across a natural head lice treatment oil on Amazon website. Apply it for 20 minutes and rinse it. A rough combing with nit comb was required after that. All the dead lice were to be seen on her pink towel and nits stuck in comb were seen. The best part is the nits, remained in hair, never hatched. They were washed off with subsequent hair washes.

Please see link to purchase LiceNil - an amazing lice removal product.

https://www.amazon.com/Lice-Nil-Lice-Eggs-Eliminator-Ounce/dp/B00OXZGQRE