(Part 2) Best products from r/SuicideWatch

Further to my question on diet, above, you haven't mentioned what it is but acne suggests it is poor. I'm guessing that you should eliminate refined carbohydrates from your diet: refined sugars, white breads, white pastas, white rice. Eliminate hydrogenated fats (e.g. margarines, vegetable shortening as used in many baked products), don't cook with polyunsaturated oils, and steer clear of foods containing manufactured chemicals (flavourings and flavour enhancers, colourings, sweeteners). Avoid soy.

As for what you should eat, try aiming for what people would have recognised as food 100 or more years ago. Fruit & vegies (about 80% of your diet), meat, eggs, milk, water, nuts, seeds etc. Check here for more details. Also, the book Life Without Bread by Drs Allan and Lutz is highly recommended.

Possibly the most important things you need to do are to (a) take personal responsibility for your physical health, and (b) develop a sense of perspective, taking charge of your mental outlook and not letting external marketing and mind-moulding (e.g. glamorous people you see on TV) depress you. You are responsible for what you put in your mouth and your mind, and knowledge helps you make better choices. You now have some nutritional knowledge from this post and a couple of leads to explore that will help you expand that knowledge. You also need to acknowledge that compared to some people, if acne is your only physical problem, you've got it pretty easy. Being attractive comes from the inside, and it's a strange fact that, if you think positively, have courage and smile, people will tend to like you no matter what you look like.

It's super easy to feel alone in the wilderness, but lots of people realize how fucked up this world can be. The real challenge is not letting that realization destroy you. It doesn't have to. You can harness the pain in your heart, move past the despair, and become a force of good. I know this is all easier said than done. But it is doable, which means there is always hope.

From just the littlest bit of your personality I've seen, I already have no doubt that you're capable of being such a force of goodness. In fact, you've probably already contributed many positive things to the lives of other sentient beings.

We tend to be very hard on ourselves. If I said "think of something bad you did, some failure," you could probably conjure up a lengthy list of minor mistakes. But if I said "think of something good you did," you would probably be very critical about what would make the list. Maybe you'd think of something small, like choosing to recycle one day or petting your dog or complimenting a friend. But then you might think "no, that's not big enough, so it shouldn't count." And yet all the little mistakes count, somehow. Our selection processes and cognitive biases tend to work against us, as people with depression. It's a good thing to appreciate the little acts of kindness you do, because often it's the little acts that make the most difference. And once you accept that some of your cognitive processes are working against you, distorting how you see yourself, you can take steps toward correcting these self-defeating processes. You might find this book useful toward that end: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368751982&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+workbook

I'm glad you enjoyed Hyperbole and a Half. You may also like the works of these artists, all of whom have struggled with depression:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FomroPMOKvg

http://www.akimbocomics.com/?p=573

http://depressioncomix.tumblr.com/

http://www.darcomic.com/tag/depression/

http://boxbrown.livejournal.com/136695.html

Again, grain of salt, your mileage may vary, I'm not qualified to give professional advice and all that. If you get use from any of these things, excellent. If not, there are plenty of other helpful things out there. :)

I totally understand the fear of the unknown after death. I was raised atheist so I often battle with those fears. It led to anxiety, which I now take medication for, but I also found a few things to help me. I love cats and animals, so I read icanhascheezburger.com and cuteoverload.com every day, or when I feel like I need a pick me up, I also read a lot and do crafts, which can help my mood. It sounds all very cheesy, but honestly these things help me when I'm feeling anxious.

If you want a humorous book to read, I highly recommend "The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal".... it's pretty hilarious, and thought provoking. find it here

Ah yeah. I would continue research the neuroscience stuff for the layperson. Really fascinating stuff that can be of great help. Especially the stuff relating to stroke victims and their before/afters. Really helps to put the brain into perspective.

And the existential/nihilistic stuff... It seems that there are two separate mindsets when it comes to being an existentialist, and they are almost polar opposites in their effect upon the individual. I think the difference stems from a misinterpretation of existentialism's heavily nuanced response to the root question of all philosophy: "What is the point?"/"What does it all mean?".

Existentialism is not, in practice at least, nihilistic. When asked, what is the point, an existentialist will respond in this manner, "The point is what you decide it to be. Meaning is derived from what you decide to find meaning in." The nihilism comes from the notion that, yes, an existentialist does not believe there is any intrinsic or knowable 'meaning' within the workings of the universe, or even a man's place within it. BUT, the fact that you exist, coupled with the ability to make conscious decisions, means that you can insert meaning into a void that previously had none. Once this is understood, this is an extremely empowering notion. So in this sense, there is intrinsic meaning within the universe, as man is indeed an intrinsic part of the universe, and it is the individual that creates meaning. Outside of man, yes, nihilistic tendencies should reign supreme. But there is no outside of man, for you, me, or anyone else for that matter.

Sartre for example, thought of Che Guevera as the epitome of mankind. Here was a man who was leading a revolution, not because he was forced to, and not because he was brought up to do so. He made the conscious and willing decision to take responsibility for something which he did not need to. He inserted his own meaning into the void - through his actions he stated clearly his existence and intention to carry it out to its greatest extent. Needlessly to say, suicide was the furthest thing from his mind. *Just a note here - whether or not you agree with Guevera's actions is irrelevant. The point here is that he did act, and the he lived for the causes of his own choosing, and affected his environment in a large way.

You should read Sartre's Existentialism and Human Emotions: http://www.amazon.com/Existentialism-Human-Emotions-Philosophical-Library/dp/0806509023

It is not a difficult book to read, and I think it would be well worth it.

All this being said, I don't necessarily consider myself an existentialist. I'm still working on it, give me a few more hours to let it settle, haha. Hopefully this might give you something to chew on in the meantime though.

And btw, your 'friends' sound like assholes based your account. Not everyone is like that.


edit: I realize you are probably aware of most of this... I am just making sure...Would love to hear your perspective on it regardless.

I just reread my last post to you, and I apologize for any of the stuff that doesn't make sense. 3 hours of sleep + nightshift/dayshift + not proofing = pwnmyownface

Knowing (not believing) that all things happen because of some causality is the only way the natural universe makes sense. And I'm not trying to make an argument that what you experienced was not genuine. And while I have had a couple of mystical/spiritual experiences, I know that those experiences are only possible due to natural processes, such as the "neurocircuitry" we have in our heads. We have the neural machinery to experience spiritual type feelings, of all kinds. I'm taking this from books like Why God Won't Go Away.

Now, while I don't believe in all of the opinions of the authors, I do believe in the neuroscience of it all. Other creatures whose brains are relatively simple like lizards or flies probably are unable to experience something as nuanced as that. Fear, and anger though, probably (not sure about the fly actually, didn't study those in school)).

I've had a couple of different kinds of experiences, and I also know there are a couple that I haven't had before. For example, I've had friends say they actually felt god, or a godlike entity. I don't think he was religious, so that was very interesting and I wonder how I would react to the same experience.

If you are comfortable with telling me, what were those experiences? Mine were pretty benign, like say one of my friends who thinks he is going to die in another year or so. I don't think it'll happen, and I hope it doesn't. It just "can't".

I'd say there are a lot of different types of heroes. I don't have a book of classification on them. The hero in that book is a non hero type of hero. He's not an anti-hero, but the author seems to intentionally make him the least hero hero that could've heroed. Other than the fact he's somewhat of a decent guy, he's a waste of life (at least to those who don't care about him).

The kind of hero you're talking about is a kind of transformative hero. It sounds like it might be the kind of hero you'd like to or are working to be.

I do have a question about a concept, though. Why is it if something exists, that it shouldn't suffer pain?

I agree with you that I don't want to be defined by my pain, though what demons I do have, I'd rather get them on my side, and laugh together. There would be no demons after that.

No...my psych guy I just see once a month. So I've seen him 3 times now, and he's screwed up a few times in that short time (one time put me in the E.R). I don't know if its the meds, but there are some things I feel like he could be doing better as a doc. I don't know what he goes through to provide service for me, but I really don't see it.

I'm not on anything that could do that, I'm starting out on new meds.

Nice! That's good too. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Get this book. I don't like to lift weight either, but this book makes it easy to just do some bodyweight exercises in the middle of a run.

Ok, so back to your problems. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger, but, what you need to do is go outside normal avenues to quickly accelerate. Here's another good book

I hope this will help you to accelerate your career. There's nothing like a successful career to jump start your self worth and esteem.

You keep bringing up work related stuff in your post, so I assume that's what's mostly bothering you. That's normal when you're in college. What you need to do is do things out of the ordinary, to get yourself separated from other people in your age/education group. Pm me for more details, good luck. Don't give up, cuz you're probably awesome . . .

This is a short answer and i am sorry for that, but I hope some of these things can help.

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Elaine-Ph-D/dp/0553062182

I am reading this right now. It is amazing and can give you so much confidence. It is NOT something you read through in one sitting. It is in your face truth and helpful tips.

Also for some community support, try these websites.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/

www.crazyboards.org

www.mdjunction.com

The first two have live chats but are harder to navigate. MD is easier to navigate the site.

Ugh. My sympathies. I'm a freelance illustrator, so yeah, I have first hand experience about how, people, clients, coworkers, even your mentors, can go batshit crazy because creative fields tend to be um, yeah, in general, batshit crazy and cutthroat. For me, it was 4 years of one of the most competitive art schools in the country where professors loved shoving the comment that 'you can't draw' down my throat even up to senior year, and now six+ months of no work and ignorance about what I do doesn't help much either. At least all the abuse gave me such a thick skin so despite I can't even get a job at McDonalds, I can at least say 'fuck it' to the world....lol.

With said mentor- I know you don't really like thinking about it- but- as a thought- If there was a contract in this mess, consider checking it to see if some breech had occurred? Because this sounds like there wasn't a written contract involved in this at all, or, this was spec (speculative work for no pay until work is completed/approved by client?) work which is by far the WORST type of contract to work under. Always lay out the terms of freelance in a contract before work begins, either go full payment before work, or a percentage up front/other percentage when work done... and this sort of stuff will be avoided. Oh, and also, to deter clients who still might try and back out, you can always put what is known as a 'killswitch' in the contract, so they still have to pay you some sort of compensation which could be a percentage of whatever your full fee was (if flat), or for however many billable hours you did before the project was killed.

(for more such advice, this book is freakin amazing for freelance designers involving contracts and ethical guidelines)

-Have you checked out any networking groups for artists+designers like AIGA (Dallas-Ft. Worth chapter's page here)? It might provide you with some actual constructive critique/help on your portfolio (did you not upload anything to a website/portfolio site like carbonmade or coroflot?), and meeting more like minded people locally. (I live in a really small town which has no such organizations- It sucks so much I am considering moving to a larger metro if only for the positive, one on one networking, as well as conventions, because in our field, networking=jobs over all else 80%+ of the time)

See also ConceptArt.org, Graphic Artists Guild, Reddit isn't too bad for the design sections, LinkedIn also tends to have local and national professional groups represented.

Other than that....hang in there. Play creative mode in Minecraft and fool around, like any multiplayer game there will be trolls. Or play a 1 person game. Read some books. Find meetups? I dunno, if you're a designer, I don't know how you are on the drawing side, but, perhaps take a sketchbook and just go sit down at a coffee shop/outdoor area and observe/record the world? It distracts me, but in a good way because I get out, I flex my design/observational muscles, and once in awhile, I get inquisitive eyes who (at least around conservative NW state) tend to tell me I have some sort of "god given talent" followed by a prayer and more kind words. (LOL) One day I hope it'll lead to a job contact to me, too!

First, you can start DBT by yourself right away by buying Marsha Linehan's workbook. The workbook is very powerful all by itself and if taken seriously and practiced diligently, it will help right away. You can find additional books by Linehan on Amazon.

I don't think there's a cure for BPD but there is a lot you can do to ensure that it interferes as little as possible with your life. I think Buddhism is the best practice because it is a see for yourself guide to happiness. Above all else, it helps by teaching mindfulness. Mindfulness will be your greatest ally throughout life. It will help to mitigate strong negative reactions to triggering events. Most importantly, it will make it possible for you to know yourself and to be compassionate towards yourself, greatly reducing self-hate.

My sister has been struggling with BPD most of her life. A couple days ago, we were talking about an incident that took place a while ago during which she attacked me viciously and kicked me out of her home. I told her how I remembered the incident and why I left and she told me she remembered it entirely differently claiming that I was the one who got angry and left of my own accord.

Now I'm left wondering if people with BPD occasionally have psychotic episodes during which they are not in touch with reality in any way. I have never suspected her of being psychotic but this would explain many terrible events in our past. My question is, do people with BPD experience psychosis under great stress so that they can have completely different memories of past events. [forgive me for asking a question instead of offering more help, but I really need input on this. I tried posting this question yesterday but my post wasn't made public for whatever reasons reddit has for doing this sort of thing.]

This is pretty fascinating from a neutral bystander's point of view. I'm curious what a person could have that might kill them any time, but I understand your desire for anonymity.

I'm not sure how much experience you have with doctors, but in my experience they get things wrong a lot. Like more than half the time. Just something to consider. I hope you are reading up on your diagnosis big time. It might take a few days, but you will probably know more about this illness than the doctors before too long. Don't be afraid to question everything they tell you.

Meanwhile, is the situation with the suicidal images in your head getting worse, or is it about the same as a week ago (your last post)? How much success do you have just moving the image aside and thinking about something else? I ask this because I think most people have pretty gruesome thoughts pop into their heads sometimes (with accompanying dialog suggesting nastiness), but that's just part of the thousands of images that pop up through the course of a day. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong, it just means you saw Friday the 13th when you were 9 because your sister's friends were having a sleepover and you were peeking into the living room through the heating register.

Watching YouTube is wonderful. Personally, I like the video subreddit to find new things to watch. Usually very high quality stuff. Of course, there is also Hulu to catch up on Family Guy, and Netflix to watch all 7 seasons of Buffy (as well as Angel). Sometimes you just have to "check out" and let your brain rot on TV (or TV-simulated experience).

But lets say worst case is that you are going to die in like two days (and you don't know it and can't control it). I mean, you are literally (definition 2) living the life of "If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do?" So do you want to spend it watching YouTube? If you say 'yes,' that's totally okay. Or would you rather spend it doing something else?

You seem to write pretty well. Got a short story in you (you'd better make it short, you could be dead any time)? How about learning a new piece of music (if you don't play an instrument, spend $73 for a ukulele and through the miracle of YouTube, learn to play complete songs within a day!). Can you paint? Whip up some 5x7 portraits that make you really feel being alive. Now that would be irony!

But seriously, I'm not really suggesting that you need to do anything. I understand your feelings of being overwhelmed to the point of inaction. Believe me, I understand. Sometimes I'm able to get out of this funk myself by just doing something random that I really enjoy and haven't done in a long time.

>I started to see the Bible as a repository of empirical psycho-social truths captured in the form of myth in a sense similar to what Joseph Campbell describes.

You have GOT to read a book called Ego and Archetype. I agree with you, the bible is richly full of all kinds of incredibly profound psychological meaning, metaphors for psychological development that reflects the inner reality of humanity. I don't believe that the bible has much by way of literal reality in it, but that doesn't diminish the meaning which is there. And it is this book that totally transformed my views of the bible. This book talks about the psychological meaning and metaphors found in bible stories, in greek mythology, and in dreams reported by clients in therapy. It also has some new and unique views on the suicidal (and homicidal) impulse and where it comes from. It is a psychology textbook written from the Jungian school of thought (archetypes, etc) and it explains how these stories are metaphors for stages of development we all go through. Their explanation of Adam and Eve will blow your mind - its so clear and so simple and yet so different from how you've ever thought about it. It also has a lot of really great stuff about Job in it, which you mentioned. And it doesn't take a position either way on whether or not there is a God - both atheists and (somewhat openminded) churchgoing Christians will find lots to love in this book. From what you've written here, I think you would completely love this book. I know its a lot to suggest you should buy a book just based on some random redditor's recommendation, but I am so confident that you will be very glad you did.

Hang in there. First, notice the thoughts on suicide and that there is a lot of pain that would make the mind go there. Just because the mind goes there does not mean you have to do it. It's just the mind considering options.

Ask yourself if you would let your best friend do to her/himself what you are considering doing? If the answer is no, treat yourself as you would your best friend. (If the answer is yes, please reconsider).

As we grow older our friends shift. We change, so do they. It seems like you've a little space for some change. Talking with someone about the abuse and bullying would probably really help. It can be a very good friend or counselor or therapist. You may try journaling (a good book for that is Quiet Mind, Open Heart. Sometimes writing about what happened can be really, really cathartic.

There's also a reddit for writing, OffMyChest.

Best.

> It's quite interesting how little we understand the human brain.

Neil Degrasse Tyson makes an interesting point that Astrophysics and nueroscience are similar fields - in both cases, the list of things we don't know is longer than the list of things we know.

There's a book I read last year by a neurosurgeon at U California called On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not that covers the huge role the unconscious plays in decision making. It touches on both how little we know about the brain, and on how much more important external inputs are to the process of thinking than we normally account for. It's a good read.

> I felt that some of the descriptions of the mechanics between the emotional and rational mind were intuitively wrong, and my intuition is almost always right, but I couldn't figure out while I was there why and how it should be.

Now this is interesting. What sort of things felt 'off' to you? I'd love to figure out where the seeming disconnect was for you, I've felt the same way for a number of techniques which appear tangentially related to DBT.

>I found the experience of understanding alcoholism for the first time to be extremely enlightening.

How was it described in the class?

Yeah, headphones can get really expensive. It is the holiday season though, so you'll probably be able to find some good deals if you shop around. Here are a few headphones I found on Amazon:

£39.00
£56.95
£129.00, if you want to go all out haha.

And you're welcome :) I'm glad I could help!

Thank you :] But I didn't mean to make that last reply about me... We're talking about you here, because you're important!

Maybe you should consider doing something for the sake of doing it-- for You. You're right, it is easier to keep "your mind stimulated" and having time alone may seem scary, but creating a space for yourself might ease the pressure of feeling like you're not doing anything.

My favorite books are these: http://completevca.com/ haha don't laugh! They provide an escape that my job/school doesn't allow for. Biographies are hard for me to get into! Have you tried mystery novels? I recently read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Snowman-Jo-Nesbo/dp/0307358658. It was so good! Rarely do I get so caught up in reading!!

How about music? Do you have the chance to listen to any on the way to and from work?

Hey man, fellow artist here.
Firstly, yay crazy artist! I don't mean to make light, but I want to encourage you to embrace what seems to be a natural inclination. I'm not sure whether you are into art history, but have you thought of psychic automatism (automatic drawing)? Your post is also a bit like 'automatic writing'. I fucking love that shit! Its not high and mighty dude, it's bloody generous, and that's what artists do.

Also, for an artist, can I recommend a book called The Zen of Seeing. Maybe at kinokunya? If you're short of $ PM me and Ill send you a copy. It was very useful for me in getting the rushing thoughts and disappointments and whirling spiraling guilt and wildness to slow. down. and. breathe.

And you're in Japan! Lucky Fukr ;)
Hang in there mate

>Yet, the sheer inhumanity in the world causes me to occasionally entertain the thought of checking out from this world.

This by itself should encourage you to not check out but to go all out to make your community and environment a better place to live in. Read up on Lincoln. That is one life that encourages and inspires me all the time. The other is that of Henry David Thoreau who led a simple yet awe inspiring life. I would recommend that you read this book on Lincoln: Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer

Hi. While it may seem like buying that one thing may make you feel better, I can tell you from experience it will not fill that hole. It's a good thing to realize this because you can then start working on what will make you feel better.

Some things that work for me:

-Regular exercise (very important)

-Healthy diet (very important)

-Maintaining healthy social relationships and friendships (very important)

-Meditation (may not work for everyone, it helps me)

-Deep breathing

-Engaging in activities you like doing to de-stress


I'd also suggest seeing a therapist to help you if you can afford it.

I don't know what your issues are but this book helped me a lot when I was struggling depression

http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depression-Step/dp/1608823806

Good luck :) feel free to PM if you have any questions or just need to talk to someone.