Best products from r/Tinder

LONG. I might title this 'my second tinder match, continued, wherein I get to try some new things.'

This is an update to my previous post.. They both happened last week so I figure they fit here.

We met up again yesterday at my place. She wore a blue sun dress this time and bright red lipstick, which is a fetish of mine. She had said that she wanted to enjoy Sunday and sit on my deck in the sun, and read the paper and drink coffee... But we both knew that would all come second to the main event.

On entering my apartment I closed the door behind us and we stopped pretty much just inside the door by the living room. We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments before starting to make out. At some point she said something like 'I'm willing to do what I need to, to earn the right to hang out on the deck' which was music to my ears. WHO IS THIS WOMAN?? And are there more where she came from.

So she sticks her hands down my pants and unzips me and drops to her knees for a blowjob. Greaaat. After a while I command her to take off her sun dress and now she's kneeling in front of me in the living room on the wall-to-wall carpet, her black lacy underwear stark against the pale skin of her fit, plus sized back -- a wonderful sexy blank erotic space -- and her hips and butt. She's also wearing a bra and heels. Then one of us took off her bra...

I had cupped my right palm against the back of her head as she bobbed up and down, but I also love women's backs and butts, so I'm occasionally stroking her back, and reaching down and squeezing her ass....This continues for another 5 minutes? and then I tell her to flip over to doggie and I take off her underwear (over her heels). I lick my finger, reach down to separate her lips and stir up the wetness, and then I simply start pounding her from behind, doggie. I didn't want to finish there though so after a few minutes we moved into the bedroom. This is where it got [more] interesting.

I hooked her up again to the restaints on the bed -- these by the way -- and put a blindfold on her. Then I climbed on top of her naked body - she's still wearing the heels, though - and started making out with her before mounting her chest and fucking her tits and face. After a few minutes of this, I got off of her and walked out of the bedroom.

Leaving her there without saying a word, I headed into the kitchen, grabbed a small mug, and put a fistful of ice into it from the freezer. On the way back to the bedroom I popped a piece in my mouth. I got back to her bound and blinded form and immediately started sucking her nips, introducing her to a sudden and hopefully unexpected coldness (she might have heard the ice rattling around in the kitchen from there). About 10 minutes of ice play followed, and I like to do it slowly and with varying (short) breaks so that she's not sure whether there's going to be ice or not, or where ... I did place a piece of ice on her labia for around 15? seconds - in retrospect (for me but not for, you, dear reader, but all will be made clear) I should have left it there for a minute at least - it might have stung!

Yes, you read that right ;-)

A few more minutes of ice play and I abandoned the ice to return to basic mouth and hand. I worked my way down to her breasts, alternating sucking and lightly biting on each one, and simultaneously fingering her pussy.

I wanted to get her off, and she was clearly enjoying this, but it's nice to know what a partner likes. So I said to her, what do you like?? And she said, bite me more. Hard.

I'd never bitten anyone HARD before. She's bound wrist and ankle spread-eagled on the bed and blindfolded and now she wants me to bite her nipples like some walking dead zombie.

Can do!

I begin sucking her right nipple, and then I nip down hard on it in my front teeth and suck while pulling my head back, causing her breast to sort of vertically extend from her chest to my mouth. Her nipple is in between my front teeth. I thought I tasted something but she's not pregnant so it couldn't have been milk - it must have just been sweat. Anyway.

She gasps with pleasure.

So I let that one go and repeat this move with her left breast. More pleasurable noises and I can she she's loving it as she thrashes her restrained body around.

Now I start to be creative, for me anyway, as I've never been in this situation before. So I slap her breast - whack! - and she loves it. Now I'm biting and sucking and one, and whomping the other one and she's into it. I move my hand to her pussy and she's wet and slick. I can feel her get wetter as I smack her nipples.

Then I have another creative moment and I decide to bite on her nipple, suck hard, pull my head back to 'extend' the breast, and then, trying to time it just right, I release her tit from my teeth and at the same time give it a stinging WHACK! with my right hand. It takes two tries to get the timing right but she goes a little wild. I'm sort of proud I came up with this move which I, of course, now privately refer to as the 'Scum-and-Nipplely.' (No I don't. But it seems like a good move.)

I keep this up for a while and then I recall that I read or saw that some women like to have their pussy slapped. I've never done that, either. So I give her pussy a flat-handed slap and am rewarded with a gasp. Remember that she can't see any of this coming.

She really starts squirming. I give her V one slap. and wait. and one slap....and wait...then I bite her right nipple and give her V a series of slaps with my right hand, whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack- the response is squirming, moaning, thrashing...It's great.

Then I try to kiss her and she turns her face to the side!! Seriously, I was surprised. I was like wtf is going on?? But only for maybe...5 seconds? Then I understood. I grabbed her head with both hands, forced her face straight and kissed her violently. I was assured I was doing what she wanted when she bit my tongue but didn't bite it off, which I imagine she would have done if I had suddenly been doing things she didn't like...

I see what's going on and I like it. She continues to turn her head away as I try to kiss her, and then when I go to finger her she closes her legs hard (she can't close them all the way, but the under-the-bed restraints had moved around the corner of the mattress a bit and gave her more leeway). I like this game. I move down between her legs and force them all the way open with my arms . Then I jam my face in her pussy and eat her out vigorously while using my arms to force her legs open. I've never (had to do? been lucky enough to do?) anything like this before but I'm totally into it. I'm munching away and she keeps 'trying' to close her legs. She's moaning and bucking and squirming.

At some point I thought a riding crop would be nice. I don't ride horses and I haven't prepared for this, so I don't have one in the house. However, I DO have a cat, and this is one of his toys. Purrrrfect! I get off of her and go into the living room and grab it. I climb back on top of her - again, she's blindfolded - and give her a few kisses.

----
You know what, that photo of it sucks. I looked on line and couldn't find a good one, so here [OC] it is.

But I was using it like this. Thwack! The braid is leather or some fake leather. Real enough anyway.

----

Then I sit up - I'm straddling her - and after a pause during which I take careful aim, I give her a left nipple a sudden stinging whack with the leather braid and cord of the cat wand. This is unexpected to her, but her reaction is pure pleasure. So I whack her nipple and wait....And then whack the other one and wait....I'm taking my time; she's getting red, livid straight lines on her body. I'd call them 'crop marks,' but they truthfully are cat toy marks.

I took some time slowly and methodically striking her breasts and then moved to her body and her vagina. The cat toy doesn't have the weight to really smack a vj, though, but she seemed to love it. I alternated between swatting her body with the leather braided/corded cat toy, and working her over with my teeth and tongue.

At this point I've been attacking her for a solid 30 or even 40 minutes and I'm running out of steam. It's only like 1pm on Sunday and I haven't eaten food yet.

I launch an all-out biting and tounging attack on her body in an effort to give her a big O, which kind of reminded me of the fireworks finale at a July 4 celebration.

We spent most of the rest of the day reading the paper on the deck, drinking coffee, at some point we went out for a bloody mary and some light food, and then back to my place where we hung out more before some chill naked play.

Then she had to get back home.

It was 8:30pm. We'd been hanging out about 8 hours....

I'll be honest because I trust that's what you want.

Tinder is not for you.

Tinder is an Open Bar for girls. Your profile is the equivalent of a dixie cup of lukewarm water left on the floor.

You look like you have never done a push up in your life. You are wearing a Majoras Mask sweatshirt. The picture with the 'goofy' macro made me physically cringe. Do you smile ever? Where are pictures of you with friends doing fun things?

All Tinder will do is batter your self confidence when after a month you've swiped right 1000 times and matched only bots or fat chicks. You are far better off deleting Tinder and building an interesting life. You are only 20. And male. You should be in no rush.

[Buy this book. Do everything in it. Don't expect results in 6 months or even a year. Follow what this book tells you and when you're 25 you will be turning chicks away. You need to be fit, fashionable, and above all interesting. Your current pictures indicate the opposite.] (https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365)

You are 5'6 and that will be a deal breaker for a lot of girls. Fuck them. I hope to god your major is STEM so that you're making 6 figures 3 years after you graduate.

TLDR - Delete Tinder. Focus on gradual, incremental, and above all sustainable self improvement over the next few years.

I match with this woman who is slightly older than me, in her early 30's. Very hot body, not really my type face-wise but undeniably cute; she seems to have A LOT of personality from her profile, and I have never been on a date with a woman 4 years older than me, so why the hell not? We chat a bit and move on to whatsapp. The pics she starts sending are out of this world: wearing exotic wigs, homemade costumes, zombie makeup... Keep in mind I have not asked for pics at all.

She makes up an insane story as she goes: how she was a peasant rice farmer (and sure enough, she provides a pic of her dressed as if she was a rice farmer, in what looks like a field...), how one day she was abducted by jacuzzi aliens (and sure enough, she sends a pic of her glowing green in the dark in a swimming pool...), how the leader of the aliens was a dark lord (and sure enough, she sends me a pic of her ex to illustrate, with edits and filters to make him look evil), and so on... You get the idea. Let's just say I am extremely confused, so I decide to double down on the insanity and send completely outrageous pics of myself in various costumes, before suggesting we meet up to make a recipe from this book Natural Harvest, as a cooking activity. She seems to love the idea and finds it really funny. We keep chatting. It all culminates with her sending me a closeup pic of her nipple with a piece of salmon in front of it. This is Harley Quinn level of crazy, but it's also a good opportunity to express my Joker side, something I don't do enough these days. She tells me she works as a nurse surrounded by many dying older people, so she's seen some shit. I think this explains at least some of her behavior. The conversation becomes more "normal" as we get to text more. Turns out she lives a few blocks away from my place, next to the BEST tapas place in the city. She apparently went once, but has no real memory of it. Hard to tell at this point if it's because she was completely stoned when she last went, or because she physically can't remember events longer than 24 hours in time. After a few more casual texts, we agree to meet the next day for tapas, midweek.

We have good food and good wine. And to my surprise, very down to Earth conversations. I expected her to show up dressed as David Bowie or something, but not at all. Almost as if she came from Planet Earth after all... She finds the food delicious, and confesses she never eats out, because what's the point, the only thing she ever eats is Soylent. After a quick google search, I am horrified. Who in their RIGHT MIND can survive on soylent, let alone LOVE IT?! She offers to have a smoke and drink at her place, so I oblige, because against all odds, we are having a pretty good time.

We make it to her place and sure enough, it does feel like the lair of a serial killer: there are random props and costumes everywhere, and the fridge is filled with tens of Soylent bottles. She asks me to try one, I do, I immediately feel like throwing up, and then we smoke. As she puts on some music, I wander around the apartment completely high, thinking about where my life is going, why am I in this place on a Wednesday night... See HERE for an existential moment of reflection about the nature of things and wtf am I doing on Tinder. Yes, these props are all hers...

We sit down, she smokes more weed (a LOT more), and then we make out and transition to the bed, where we fuck for a while. It's hot and all, and the weed makes it really smooth, to the point where it's actually pretty hard for me to orgasm. She does not seem to mind, and asks where I get my stamina from, not realizing it's the weed at work. I tell her it's because I drink a lot of green tea in the morning. We cuddle for a while, and have more down to Earth conversations. She is a really sweet girl after all. I proceed to Uber of shame at 4am and make it back to my place. I am still high as fuck.

We chat and text a bit more, but I have no intention to see her again, because soylent? Really?

I haven't the foggiest, and have never used Tinder so can't exactly give you a sure in. But I have to say, you are an awesome dude, coming from a fellow dude. Keep your head up mate, I have low self esteem and some confidence issues but there are people who will find you attractive as you are. If they say so, just believe them.

My girlfriend got me this book and it's helped massively, maybe give it a go!

Otherwise, I just truly hope for the best for you. You've got the attitude and personality, that's what'll keep them around.

It's a great shame that their bios weren't swapped, really. As someone else has pointed out, if you're having that much difficulty knowing how to start a conversation, you need to greatly improve your social skills. I'm pretty sure there is /r/socialskills on here and you might want to consider [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships
](http://www.How.com/ to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/0722538073/) (Amazon.Com). Good luck!

this is not so much profile help as it is help with your look.

Your first pic is great, except that your neck looks untidy. Your third pic looks interesting (I got curious as to what you're doing) but again the neck looks untidy.

Also took a look at your second pic, and I think a stubble will suit you, invest in a trimmer with guards (this is the one I have) and use it to keep your facial hair neat. The trimmer comes with guards of different lengths (1.5mm, 3mm, 6mm), pick a certain setting and keep your beard clean.

About the glasses, I don't think they suit you, as your first picture also shows. I'd recommend getting contact lenses, or getting a more stylish pair, like these.

Source: Have glasses and beard myself.

It sounds like you already know that you don't want to be with this guy forever, but you're trying to make it something it's not because you don't want to be alone. Not saying that to criticize--it can take a little time to psych yourself up enough to end a relationship, especially if they didn't do anything "wrong," but I am 99% sure you'll be happier once you rip off the band-aid.

I get that it's stressful to not be where you thought you'd be at this stage, but would you rather be in a relationship that is constantly disappointing or be single? It took me a while to get my life to a place where I'm genuinely content, and of course I'd still like to find a person to share my life with, but if someone (romantic or otherwise) isn't adding positive emotions or experiences to my life, it's not worth investing my energy into that relationship. It sounds like this guy isn't what you're actually looking for--not saying it's his fault, just that this might not be a good fit, and you're exhausting yourself trying to make it satisfy you.

If you're down for an unsolicited book recommendation, I have one. The title is ridiculous, but it's actually about working on yourself and figuring out what is important to you in a relationship. I can't remember for sure if it's in this book but I think she talks about abundance and scarcity mentalities, which might be helpful, too.

In any case, I hope you have a nice Valentine's day and your dinner goes well!

And I'm here having troubles with finishing, lmao. That's why I focus that much more on my oral skills and so far not bad. 🤙

I recommend to read this (can be found in pdf for free) https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260. Read it before my first time and was successful. Also this https://badgirlsbible.com/how-to-eat-pussy#pancakevortex

Some women like the workout pictures, however some may get turned off by that, it's best to go with variety. Maybe invest in a little tripod and if you don't have a DSLR camera, use a plate that can hold your phone, so you can use the self-timer.
https://www.amazon.com/Tripod-Flexible-mobile-Octopus-Samsung/dp/B06XHJTL6T/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500489661&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=phone+tripod&psc=1

But yeah, try and make some friends.

Edit: In an effort to preserve what little karma I've earned, I'll attempt to rephrase entirely.

Her ass is wonderful, but with the right cut of bikini, the two to her left would look just about as great. I bought my wife panties with that cut and it made all the difference. It's her favorite now.

If you have any interest in seeing an example, I've linked to the ones I bought in my original post (below). I don't care if you buy them, but I strongly suggest finding some with that cut if you're into that booty above.


Original post, just for funzies:

I promise you, her ass isn't as special as it seems. It's all in the cut of the bikini bottom. I bought my wife a pack of underwear with that cut, and her ass went from like girl #1 or #2, to #3.

Don't believe me? Buy this for your lady and try your best to not drool over her. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075R7BQYS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_oHUZCb81Q7ACB

For that blurred background look, you can get a prime lens on your dSLR. The cheap ones are great, and they make you look like a million bucks.

MIT actually did a study that confirms OP's hypothesis, by the way. It's not just that it's an interesting picture. The top 5% of men had more than double the success of the next top 5%. Researchers called this the superstar effect.

If you’re a toothpick, it’s very easy. If you’re overweight, it’s a little harder, but simply eating less and realizing the hunger is burning fat can be a helpful mentality. Also a lot of water and caffeine can help here.

Invest $60 in something like this. Nothing else needed. Just lift what you can in front of the computer.

A tarp! That sounds like a whole lotta slip'n'slide fun! Have you tried something like this?

Haha thanks. Those I bought online. Here's the link if you want to grab them. Make sure to change the .ca to .com if you live in the states: https://www.amazon.ca/K-Bell-Womens-Novelty-Socks/dp/B01M2TT5O1/

I actually almost bought these programming socks, but I'm glad I didn't. I think they would have been too busy for the photo.

The interesting thing about dating apps is the negative feedback loop embedded in the match algorithm. If you keep getting rejected by people who are more desirable you will eventually not see them anymore. This helps attractive people, liked by many, to continue using the service. Was quite the discovery to learn attractiveness is actually measured on matchmaking platforms. Described in more detail in this book if anyone wants to learn more.

Clinique for men? srsly tho, thank you! that's quite the compliment :D

Pretty sure he was referring to the these girl scout cookes. The joke wasn't very funny either way.

This might help its like 4 dollars.

https://www.amazon.ca/Timing-Everything-Complete-Guide-Cooking/dp/0609802070

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1481227041/ref=mp_s_a_1_sc_2?qid=1427394784&sr=8-2-spell&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=seamenology

I believe the recipe is in the book Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes