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No, but I've never been to even a regular therapist, not sure if I could afford it or what good would come of it. I don't want to appropriate the struggles trans people go through which is why I put that disclaimer, I'm pretty sure I'm not trans I'm just jealous of the opposite sex in a lot of ways. But thanks for your input, maybe I should look into it more.

>tell me, does this sound familiar: “girls are so pretty i wish i was seen as pretty”

Yes

> “[insert any female character] is so amazing and strong i wish i could be her” ... has literally DOZENS of pictures hanging on the wall of women (not pin ups mind you more like posters of women marketed to women)

Sometimes, lol, but I've felt that way about male characters too. I don't have pictures of women hanging on my wall but I have paraphernalia like pins and steering wheel covers of female superheros/villains. I don't want to be wonder woman I'm just in love with her, lol. I wouldn't mind being Harley, but even a boy version of Harley would be cool. I more often play male characters in video games but I always try to make them as androgynous and twinkish as the character customization will let me. Make of that what you will, lol.

> “dresses are so pretty and nice i wish i could wear one”

Yes :(

> “make up looks so pretty i really wish i knew how to do make up”

Yes

> my advice? as long as it’s safe, wear whatever you want! those cute hats with the ears? rock em! those jeans with the stars and stuff on the butt? hey those were MEANT to be worn! start small (t-shirts, soaps, razors) and move up from there (skirts, blouses, make up). go at a pace that is safe and comfortable for you!

Ideally what I would like to do is push the limit, wear more feminine stuff but that could still conceivably be worn by guys. My problem is I have no idea what I'm doing my sense of fashion sucks and I don't have a good radar for what's considered too feminine. Like I'd like to wear these (the first set) but I feel like that might be weird. I didn't even think anything of it when I saw them at first until someone pointed out to me they are girl's earrings.

I'm also so self-conscious and easily embarrassed I don't really have the confidence to pull it off. I know I won't look good and can't help it I care too much about what other people think. This is one of the reasons I'm jealous of women but also young skinny cute guys they can more easily get away with stuff.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I don't know if it helps or hurts to hear this, but ny intention in saying is is to give you hope: "It will very likely get better."

I remember being your age and sitting in the instrument room of the band room because it was black and dark and no one could see me. I had only one friend, and had been through some very serious traumas. I remember my teen years as the hardest, most self-destructive years of my life. Somehow, when I became old enough to start determining my own course in life instead of doing what I was forced to do each day with people with whom I had nothing in common, things improved. And not just a little, a lot.

Your parents are thrilled you are their son. I have six children now and I have helped five of them through adolescence. It can be a very stormy time. If I knew my son or daughter felt as you did, I wouldn't hate them....I'd have compassion and move heaven and earth to help you.

Regading sex and nudity: one of my daughters felt as you did, so she determined she was not ready and did not engage in those activities. Now as an adult, she is about to get married and is very excited. It has taken her almost 30 years to get comfortable with herself. It's ok not to feel ready for that stuff. I don't think you are! So instead if scaring yourself about it, just table it for now. I wasn't ready then, either, and many are not.

I hope you wil consider that maybe you might be really hard on yourself, and talking to yourself very negatively. Maybe, instead, imagine that your inner voice is that of a best friend in emotional pain. How would you encourage that best friend? And then only allow yourself to self-dialog in a way that is positive and encouraging. Your current cycle of depression and anxiety might actually be the cause your getting worse again. How about becoming your own best friend, instead of your own accuser? Someone needs to be kind to you, and it is you.

You have great worth and merit because you are a beloved person. Don't let this time of awkwardness cause you such misery. It does pass. It can pass. You can overcome this.

Have you heard about the book, the anxiety and phobia workbook?

"https://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1626252157/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485114500&sr=8-1&keywords=anxiety+and+phobia+workbook,

It is only $13 at Amazon. I hope you might be able to get it and see if the methods detailed there might help. I got these for two of my kids who struggled with similar things. Not to the same degree, (but pretty severe anyway), and both seem to have developed coping mechanisms that are much more positive, and have found healthy relationships and jobs. It came a little slower to them, but they did get there. You can too.

If you want a friend somewhere, please feel free to write to me. I don't mean to trivialize your feelings in an yway. I've been through terrible trauma and I understand how much it hurts if you feel or think people just don't understand. I only want to give you hope that it will very likely get better. I do think it will probably take some adjustments on your part. But I know you can do it. People post all the time about how they have overcome these type of challenges. You can be one of them.

i aint trying to give advice or anything but life is just a sucky scenario all around. and i'm not being cynical im being positive.

You've probably heard this before but you need to be happy with yourself before you attempt a relationship.

looks are what get you the date. they don't get you the lasting loving relationship. A relationship founded by looks or started on that notion is a cold as the bed you're currently sleeping in.

A loving relationship comes from within yourself.

you gotta get happy on your own by yourself with yourself.

maybe you don't even have to be happy maybe that's too strong of a word.

but you have to just be content in a lot of ways.


If anything the best advice I could give you is to try and reach some sort of internal peace. Life fucking sucks. people will die, you will watch life wither away. you'll watch your looks and weight fade. you'll find yourself wondering why the fuck anything is anything in the first place.

You're human, that's about all it is. you are cursed by being human. you're always going to be unhappy. and whatever happiness comes will surely fade away.

if you can become at peace with yourself somehow then you'll be able to weather those storms life throws at you. relationships are AWESOME they are loving and they are amazing. they can be lasting and meaningful and perfect and STILL SUCK.

Check out this book on Meditation. the first paragraph or so will likely ring very true to feelings you have or have had about your life.
http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1450109510&sr=8-5&keywords=mindfulness

I am Asian as well. I understand where you are coming from. Parents can be harsh and life can be very isolating but I can tell you it gets better. Once you get out of the house you will have a lot more freedom. There will still be pressure on you, but as an adult you can choose to accept or reject what other people expect out of you. You become your own person and can do what ever you want (true for anyone actually not just Asians).

That said, sometimes Asian parents don't understand what they are putting their kids through. Sometimes what they think is good for you isn't actually that great. But don't hold it against them too much, they are doing what they think is best... they just want what is best for you and showing love in the only way they know how. My mother still yells at me at the age of 35, telling me to use a coupon or not to buy a particular brand. I no longer see it as control and overbearing, it shows that she is thinking of me, it is her way of showing love.

I recommend getting this graphic novel if you can. Finding your identity is tough in a land where everyone doesn't look like you. You feel like everyone else on the inside, but people seem to treat you differently. It is weird and I think this comic captures it perfectly...

www.amazon.com/American-Born-Chinese-Gene-Luen/dp/0312384483/

Nothing, I can really say can help, this is something you will have to learn how to deal with on your own. But hopefully in the end you can accept who you are, because that part isn't going to change. This probably won't mean much now, but I recommend choosing acceptance over denial, you can run from your identity and you can get pretty far, but you can never completely outrun your history, your family, and your skin color.

Okay. So good news is Trauma is getting a ton of attention and is highly recognized if you read more about it, as well as possible see someone who specializes in treating it. A wonderful book that gives a stellar overview of trauma, as well as ways to start feeling better, is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

If you want more foundational theory and some history on the understanding of trauma and how to treat it, I recommend Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herman. I will warn you though, it’s hard to read because of the examples she provides.

Those two books are amazingly important for understanding trauma, how to treat it and give amazing overviews of the symptoms. They are wildly different from person to person. Things like chronic nausea, chronic localized or diffuse pain, intractable depression, panic, anxiety, nightmares, autoimmune disorders, mood symptoms that are triggered and self limiting, headaches, confusion, lack of understanding of the body, dissociation in its myriad forms, flashbacks, sensitivity to smells, touch, sounds, tastes, hyper vigilance, hyperarousal, anhedonia, avolition, random and disproportionate bouts with dissociated emotions (anger that comes out of nowhere, sadness that hits like a ton of bricks and then is gone minutes later, etc) muted emotions, a flat affect, avoiding certain places even if they don’t fully understand why, phobias, weird personal relationships with sex and food, gaps in their memory, hard time following instructions, and many more. But there is most definitely hope. I recommend both books highly, as well as having a serious, honest and open heart to heart with your girlfriend.

You might be surprised what you learn, and your love and compassion towards her will most definitely help.

> It wouldn't matter much except I already feel like I'm not good enough for him because he's just easily the hottest man I've ever met

low self esteem and needy. OR, know you're hot shit, but fishing for compliments from strangers. Latter is annoying and a form of Munchausen syndrome or covert narcissism. In case of the former, please get therapy!

>and hearing him deadpan about how I have old lady boobs or chipmunk teeth or a loose vagina feels weird.

I mean if he's joking, then this is clearly to wind you up, a bit of harmless fun. If not, it's a little fishy.

> I know it's something I'll get used to (we've only been really together for about a week)

a week 0_0

> but it's uncomfortable for now. He lets me get stuck in these stupid arguments and ends them cracking up at how seriously I take him when he's joking.

This is called 'push/pull' in PUA or negging, it ranges from teasing through to serious attacks on self esteem. If you don't find it funny or are secure about the little digs, then it's not cool, tell him to stop. Stand up for yourself!

> Or he jokes that he's going to break up with me or that he doesn't like me but doesn't really ever emphasize that he's joking (but I know he is because 20 minutes later we're in a toy store and he's dropping $100 on toys to play with my baby brother).

These ones are a bit more dodgy and point closer to emotional abuse, especially these threats to break up…but then it could be his (dry, DARK) sense of humour. The fact he's paying so much when you've been together like a week, is a bit of a red flag. Are you financially independent?

> It sucks because in a lot of ways it feels like I've found the man I'm going to end up marrying. We're both a little weird but we understand each other. We have the same values. He makes up for what I lack and I think I'm a good influence on him, too.

You know you share the same values…after a week together? What values are those?

What do you feel you bring to the reship?

> We were talking about our sexual histories recently and I initially didn't care about his number but now I'm feeling a little insecure every time we do something sexual. There's just no statistical likelihood that I am the best anything he's ever had. I have some very nice features but I don't feel like I'll ever be his favorite anything :(

Fishing for compliments again :p

> I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not good enough for this guy and he's settling for me because he's getting antsy to settle down.

Wild Nice Girl?

(Funny that this definition treats you like a victim rather than misogynist…hmm.)

> He's done nothing short of treating me like a queen

this is great, but please make sure that he respects you, and doesn't just try and dazzle you and buy his way into your pants

> and I'm worried he's just faking it. I feel so stupid but it's a real worry of mine. I have no reason to believe he isn't invested in me or isn't attracted to me other than knowing what he looks like (amazing) and how he lives (has a shit ton of fun and friends) vs what I look like (cute but definitely not hot enough for him) and how I live (depressed, boring, no friends, nothing really going for me right now).

STAHPPP

Dude it's like I've stumbled across Bella Swan incarnate.

You're doing this 'compare+despair' thing which if you were a guy would be repulsive. I now realise that you're recovering from depression; did you have CBT? Were you taught any techniques to deal with Negative Automatic Thoughts and toxic core beliefs?

> I haven't known him long enough to feel comfortable bringing it up... It usually takes a few months of dating someone for me to feel comfortable advocating for myself like this.

OK, so you have had boyfriends before. May I ask, why did you guys break up?

> So I have to suck it up and just either work up the courage to say "hey, I feel weird about this and I'd feel better if we did something to make me more comfortable," or I need to accept that my inaction means I also forfeit my right to be upset about it.

Yeah OP this is a bit of a red flag. You've got [Aunties derp typos, that should read you've got ONEITIS on this guy.] (http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/09/oneitis/all/1/) Except you're dating him as opposed to friendzoned.
Carry on with this attitude however, and you are likely to either

a) Be one of the rare women to get friendzoned

b) End up in an abusive relationship which will make you miserable.

I am NOT saying that your partner is abusive. We simply do not have enough info to determine that about a total stranger. What I AM saying, is that you need to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally (not just physically, you gym bunny you) to ensure no one takes advantage of you.

If you feel any of these above links relate to you, please consider reading the book Co-Dependent No More, and tell me if it helps. :)

tl;dr Gurl you need to get some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Good luck!

Consistent mindful discipline helps even boisterous and rambunctious children learn to control their actions and become better people. This is one of the books I've read, and it's really good.

Inquiry based parenting where you encourage your child to choose to be kind and considerate is a good base. Then you can point out that the speaker is speaking and the other people are listening, and those people can't hear the speaker if you are making noise too. If you raised your child to be a considerate person, they can recognize the effect of their voice on the other listeners around them and quiet themselves. If they start making noise again reminding them "others are trying to listen, please be kind to them" works out worlds better than the stern parenting of "shut up or I'll take you outside and spank you!"

Authoritarian parents are primarily the ones with disruptive kids. Threatening your kids into silence doesn't solve the problem long term. Asking them to think about others does. And they do care about others, and will care about others if you work with them consistently by talking about how their actions affect others.

Where did he claim atheists are (more) intelligent? Do you think he claimed it with this part?
>Atheists see religious people as idiots...


When a believer and an atheist come to different conclusions on a moral issue, both sides logic behind the argument should be scrutinized, however one side wins easily when the other side usually only come up with "because I said so" or "because someone said so".


When people in disputes (like theists and atheists) through different ways come to agree on some part of an issue that's called common ground, and that is generally sought after, but you don't seem to want that, or think one couldn't come to the same conclusions for different reasons.
>Oh please don’t claim religion.

Yet you claim atheists to be the hypocritical ones?


Still, I can also quote random people unnecessarily ;)
>It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.

– Epictetus


>The old argument from design in nature, as given by Paley, which formerly seemed to me so conclusive, fails, now that the law of natural selection has been discovered. There seems to be no more design in the variability of organic beings and in the action of natural selection, than in the course which the wind blows.

– Charles Darwin


Actually, the fields of psychology and sociology do have things to say about evolution of consciousness, free will, behavioral analysis and morality. Although everything is not known yet, at least some are trying. Here's a few interesting articles/books on the subject:


The Evolution of Ethics by Francisco Ayala


The Moral Landscape by Sam Harris, on Google Books


Consciousness Explained by Daniel C. Dennett

Edit: formatting

You're not doing anything wrong--you're attracted to insecure guys, even if they say, "I wont be like that." Thing is, if that's what you're attracted to, that's what you're attracted to.

It's not a conscious choice, its deeply profoundly ingrained part of your personality.

I highly recommend this book. It's not mumbo jumbo or new age nonsense....its psychology and addresses why we're attractd to the people we are, based on how we're raised.

You gain an incredible amount of insight into why you attracted to the people you are.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00A0RHSJO/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1519144406&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=bidet

) saves you on TP too. Also super hygienic, better for your septic tank/sewer system. Easy install.

You bring it up and don't go past where your partner is comfortable. If you know ahead of time that there's no way the other person would be into it, then you own up to it by breaking up with them.

At least, that would be the most ideal out of a not particularly ideal situation. In my experience, if someone brings this up, they're already cheating or have checked out of the current relationship and are basically just trying to make themselves feel better about hurting their partner. Our self image of "being a good person" is extremely important to us and we find all sorts of justifications for our immoral/harmful/etc behavior. I'm not even talking about just fidelity, I just mean with our behavior and actions in general. Here's a book I recommend if you're interested in the subject. It's quite interesting and the research has been referred to in many other works.

So yeah, they don't have to stay together forever because they've been dating for a few years, but people need to be honest about breaking things off rather than trying to weasel out of things.

Well, for one its a strong demonstration of narcissistic behavior, which rarely brings positive outcomes in one's life, if ever. It would be better to channel this energy in more productive endeavors, through sublimation or projection. Cheap thrills which are not aligned with someone's long term goals are simply destructive behavior. Unless said person plans to work with nudity, it's something that feels good now, but hinders your well-being in the end, much like procrastination, heavy drinking, binge eating etc.

Source: The largest longitudinal study on how to lead a good life:

https://www.amazon.com/Triumphs-Experience-Harvard-Grant-Study/dp/0674503813

Great book, Mark Manson actually came out with a new one as well thats really solid!

Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062888439/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZAwhDbP56N39X

It's probably one of those 3 pin mics right? Those are XLR mics, and it probably is better quality.

HDE USB to XLR Microphone Instrument Karaoke Cable 3 Pin XLR Female to USB 2.0 Male MIC Link Adapter (10ft/3m) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0050CEEIW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_c4W4ybWBR8PAE

You'll need that at the minimum to get it to work. You'll need to boost the audio in your editor though it'll be hella quiet.

Later on you'll need phantom power to get the volume where you want it but that requires another piece of kit.

Not the end of the world, it'll be ok man

Edit: mobile autocorrect is fun

> I am sorry that I have been such a mess the last few years.

Find a beginners book to the philosophy of Stoicism. Here is my favorite introduction to the subject.

I know that a philosophy book might not be what you want right now, but its clear your head is a mess; and its also clear that you want to improve.

Click the "Look Inside" button and see if what you read resonates with parts of you. Then buy it.

Here's a portable door lock you could use for when "just walking in" is inappropriate.

Also, need to have that talk about "respecting ones need for some privacy" and how she wouldn't like it if you were to barge in on her while she's changing. It's pretty rough if you are so fed up as to consider doing the same to her to let her be on the receiving end 'to see how she likes being barged in on while nude'.

I was thinking many of the same things that you mention. Mostly coffee gave me confidence (somehow) and then also anxiety. That is what I thought anyway. My issue was actually based around a lack of sleep.....and the fact that I really enjoy coffee. Now, I am back to loving coffee. Here is my story: Buzzkill: Is there Life After Coffee?

Penn Jillette recently (or a few years ago) lost over 100 pounds, from slightly above your weight down to 180lbs-ish. He talks about it in his book Presto.

Though he also makes a point of saying that if someone takes medical advice from Vegas magicians they are an asshole. He followed the advice of Ray Cronise to lose the weight.

Their take is exercise will make you hungry, and animal products and processed foods are too calorie dense. Penn now eats completely vegan with no processed foods or added salt or oil, with the exception of rare and appropriate meals scheduled 2 weeks apart.

Of course, I'm sure you've gotten lots of advice from lots of people, but I figure this might be a motivating story and a place to go to for some inspiration.

https://www.amazon.com/Interpretation-Dreams-Complete-Definitive-Text/dp/0465019773/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3385R0D1AWQHE&keywords=the+interpretation+of+dreams&qid=1573505349&sprefix=the+interp%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-3

Read this, it'll hurt and then it'll help