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>But then in the same breath he said that he didn't feel that "romantic spark"

Girl. Run. He's leading you on. He's getting the benefits of a relationship without a commitment. I'm not saying he's doing it intentionally or trying to manipulate the situation, but honestly. Just let this one go.

Often I think that people post about a down SO and the SO is just having deployment blues. It happens occasionally where the servicemember has a breakdown break-up (everything is hard and I'm miserable; let's break up). It resolves in a day with apologies and tears and a plan to move forward.

This isn't the case with this dude. He broke it off what? A month ago? And he's been enjoying the attention and benefits of having a girlfriend but without having one. Meanwhile, you're hanging on his every word (or the emphasis on his every word), and doing all kinds of sweet girlfriend-like things for him and getting nothing in return. This dude is just not that into you.

On top of that - let's say it happens. He gets back. He's willing to take a chance and commit. What then? How do you trust him again to be fully committed to you? How do you trust that the next time he goes on deployment he doesn't want to break it off for the same reasons?

You seem like you make a really good girlfriend. Go be a good girlfriend to someone who is a really good boyfriend in return.

I think this is totally normal in a LDR. Every relationship ebbs and flows, and LDR is really tough. Some couples really flourish with it, others, it's really tough.

First off, I highly recommend you read the 5 Love Languages book for military couples. It helps you to identify the ways in which you feel loved, and the ways that he feels loved. That way you can each maintain that connection and feeling of being valued by communicating it. It sounds like yours may be physical or quality time, and if his is something else, this can wind up with feelings of abandonment, loneliness, being taken for granted.

Second, after you've read that book and you've both taken the quiz to find out your love language, set a concrete agreement on how you can help each other feel connected. For my husband and I, when we're long distance and can't see each other, we do a one-hour skype date once during the week at a pre-determined time, and then once on the weekend. That way, you're planning for it and looking forward to it, but not spending so much time on the phone that it feels kind of hollow. Plus, he's physical, and I'm quality time, and this way we can meet each other's needs in the same time frame. Once we were both stateside again, we saw each other once a month minimum (usually every third weekend), and planned elaborate dates together.

Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard work. It gets to a point sometimes where you have to CHOOSE to keep falling in love with each other. You each have to commit to it, and cognitively decide to make it work. ESPECIALLY in the military.

Well my first step was to read a whole bunch of psychology papers from academic journals. Because of academic publishing I can't post those, and since I am not at my work computer, I don't have the titles handy.

For books, I started with the 5 Love Languages, Military Edition because my guy actually talked about it with me and it cracked me the heck up that this big strong man was throwing out terms like "words of affirmation" and "acts of service." It was a good read regardless.

I also read:

• Courage After Fire Which is coping strategies for challenges
  
  
• The Dance of Anger because I tend to respond to with anger and that is not conducive
  
  
• Single Girls Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids and His Ex Wife because the week he was deployed was the week before I was flying across the country to meet his youngest.
  
  I also went through a few traumatic events when I was 18 (raped, mugged at gunpoint, and domestic abuse in three months) and had some PTSD. So while our experiences are not similar, I have been in counseling and reading about PTSD for about 12 years. Between that and yoga teacher training (which includes a lot of eastern philosophy reading) I have an ok handle on the whole touchy feely thing. I just didn't have the military specifics.
  
  EDIT I just remembered to warn you to take this all with caution. I can be a good woman. I can be understanding and supportive and kind and in love, but I can't fix him or make him love me if he doesn't want to. If he needs to be alone, he needs to be alone and all I can do is accept that, offer my kindness when he wants it and treat myself well in the meantime. I can try to send presents and remind him that even if he says he is the only guy "without a family" that he isn't unloved. Treat yourself well too!

When my SO was leaving for BMT with the Air Force, I got him a nice new grooming kit. He couldn't really use it at basic but he's been using it at tech school and it's very convenient for him to pack quickly and not lose anything when they move around a bunch for training. His parents also got him a nice, plain white stationary set and some stamps and he used the entire thing at basic and loved it.


There aren't many things that you can give him right now that he's going to be able to have with him. One of the best things you can do right now is make a lot of memories for him to think about while he's going through training. Go on dates, go explore new things together, and take a ton of pictures. You can mail him some (appropriate) photos along with your letters. My SO said mail call was always the part of the day he looked forward to the most. Hope this helps a bit!

Amazon has a lot of promising dresses too- I've done it for a wedding. I shotgun and buy 3 and use free returns. Miusol has several dresses I'd stamp my approval on and they're great about accepting returns.

My favorite: (goes from 4 to 22)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZWSEGFK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LOE5Ab829DNNA

Another great one:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0711DW24L/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_DSE5AbCT79ZVW

If you haven't read the 5 Love Languages book I recommend it. There's a military edition that has some nice ideas on how to stay connected during a deployment. It helped me figure out how to best support him and support myself during his deployment.

If you need to vent or anything you can pm me. Hugs.

I bought these:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00032AVN6/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_ao4PwbVEVD67Y

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002UD5HJE/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_Mo4PwbCFS61SJ


I'm from a extremely small town maybe 2 murders in like 20 years or more. Break ins unheard of etc. I'm in a place literally over 200xs bigger I'm was so paranoid all the time. I know the wireless alarms won't do much to protect but it's an awesome deterrence.

Bake some cookies and give them to your neighbors extra eyes are always welcome. Our apartment has security and everyone is pretty nice.

I had the same deal with my brother, and then gave my boyfriend the same gift down the road.
A solar charger, that can charge battery packs and lights. One like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Goal-Zero-41022-Guide-Recharging/dp/B00DD6B9IK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1450199341&sr=8-1&keywords=goal+zero+solar+charger

Kind of pricy, but my brother said he used it all the time during his deployment (He was in the middle east where the sun was abundant) and he could charge his electronics on it and then have an external battery pack that could charge up and be used as a charger when it was dark out! Pretty cool, and I know he uses it all the time, even in the field when he's stateside on base. You can buy add on parts for it all, like a light that can be used as a quick flashlight and stuff.

Hope this helps!!

Because you have extra time for yourself at the moment, I would strongly suggest you work your self. Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Badass®-Doubting-Greatness/dp/0762447699

All you have to gain is confidence and improving your own self. This will only strengthen and improve your relationship.

It’s ok to feel scared and doubtful sometimes. But don’t make your whole identity your relationship. You are an important and strong person too.

I agree with I'm not a Marine wife. I mean, I do identify as such when necessary, such as here where Marine wife is going to have different experience than Army girlfriend or whatever (some things are different for girlfriend vs wife, some things are different for each branch)

The majority of the time, I'm me... I'm an artist, an aspiring doula and birth photographer, a mother to 3 girls and a boy, and my husband is awesome.

For a lot of the stuff, when you are married you should be given a book called "Roses and Thorns" which is a helpful guide to some of the etiquette, terminology, ranks, etc.

If they don't give you it or you want a head start on it you can buy it on amazon, i suggest getting it secondhand, much cheaper

Of course, take some of it with a grain of salt. Like the part that says having tea parties is a normal part of our life... it's not.

I have had good luck with Amazon. Just make sure the dress you pick has free returns. The last ball I went to I got my dress on amazon for 40 bucks.

amazon

For me, a cocktail dress is either this, this, or this. Careful with lace and color, though, or you'll like an escaped bridesmaid. edit: oooh, this one. I have no idea of your style, if you like full skirts or slim sheath dresses.

Wear what makes you comfortable and confident. Accessories make all the difference.

I highly recommend talking to someone to help work through your feelings. There is so much that goes into any regular PCS and Hawaii is a bigger change than most. Whether you go through Tricare or Military One Source, there are a lot of options. Military One Source is specifically geared towards concerns like this and it can be in person, over the phone, chat etc - and it's confidential and free.

This book helped me a bit.

Any chance you can move before you have the baby? I moved at 7 months pregnant and it was rough but doable. If not, any chance a family member/friend can fly with you (or meet you there) and stay for a week or so to help out? I always hear newborns are easier to travel with than older kids and they don't really need a whole lot other than food, diapers, and a place to sleep.

If researching is sending you spiraling into anxiety, you might try placing limits on how much you can spend researching each day. Maybe per topic or only X minutes per day.

Link the thing, we're lazy! The 5 Love Languages Military Edition

Or if you want the regular version: The 5 Love Languages

A book like this one, would make a great giveaway!
http://smile.amazon.com/Journey-Through-Deployment-Confidence-Separations/dp/0991126734/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453351583&sr=1-1&keywords=journey+through+deployment