Best products from r/askgaybros

I apologize for responding to this post at a time so late after it was originally posted! I saw it and saved it so that I could respond when I had a lot of time at the computer!

1. Don't Let Me Go (#1)
   
2. Where You Are (#2)
   
3. Just Between Us (#3) by J.H. Trumble
   
4. Openly Straight (#1)
   
5. Honestly Ben (#2) by Bill Konigsberg
   
6. Geography Club (The Russell Middlebrook Series Book #1)
   
7. The Order of the Poison Oak (The Russell Middlebrook Series Book #2) by Brent Hartinger
   
8. The Porcupine of Truth by Bill Konigsberg
   
9. More Happy Than Not
   
10. History Is All You Left Me
    
11. They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera
    
12. One Man Guy by Michael Barakiva
    
13. Whatever.: or how junior year became totally f$@cked by S.J. Goslee
    
14. Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak
    
    
    Sorry for the incredibly long list but all of these books are freaking phenomenal! I think they're all YA (young adult) but that shouldn't stop anyone from reading these treasures! I thought I'd link each title to Amazon so that you could read the description of the book!
    
    
    Books 1, 2 & 3 by J.H. Trumble were some of the first LGBT themed books I'd ever read and absolutely loved them! The three books don't necessarily have to be read in that order but some of the characters, if I remember correctly, from the first and second book are mentioned later down the line. Reading it in order might make it a bit more cohesive!
    
    
    4 & 5 by Bill Konigsberg feature two amazing characters that really shine and in due time you'll want to reach inside the pages of the book and force them to be happy together yourself!
    
    
    6 & 7 were fairly quick reads. Definitely enjoyable. There are more books in the series that I've yet to have read.
    
    
    8 is another book by Bill Konigsberg. It's about two kids who go on a road trip to find a family member. It's not as LGBT-themed necessarily as the others but it has a nice chunk of LGBT history in the third act that makes it's a really worthwhile read in that it makes you feel closer to the characters!
    
    
    9, 10 and 11. Jesus. These books will stay with you for ages. I swear. They're so damn good and incredibly well written! Adam Silvera knows how to write a good story and intriguing characters that will stay engraved in your memory days, weeks, and months (for me) after you've read them. These three books could be read in any order as the characters in each book are different. 10 was really good but in my opinion 9 and 11 are much better because the characters were way more memorable.
    
    
    12 was a really enjoyable read. The main character, Alek, is in summer school and befriends a kid named Ethan. They have totally different interests and personalities but they fit together like puzzle pieces! Alek also has a friend named Becky who has some great comedic lines.
    
    
    13 had its hot and heavy moments, that's for sure! In this book Mike is coming to terms with his sexuality and has a funny group of friends, plus it had some hilarious moments where I just couldn't help but bust out laughing!
    
    
    14 is a supernatural themed book with it's tiny share of LGBT moments. The supernatural element and overall story is really fascinating! It was a good book!
    
    
    The last book I read was the same as yours, Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda! It was SO good and I was really left wondering once it started reaching the end! I hope you get what I mean as that's all I'll say so that I don't spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it yet!
    Over the years that I've read all of these books each one has made me long for what each of the characters had with the other character that they loved so dearly. They've all left a lasting impression on me, some definitely more than others, and I am always looking forward to reading more. I just got back from the library today with a couple more LGBT themed books and can't wait to read them! If any of them really stand out I'll let you know!!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0985063300/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_3?pf_rd_p=1944687462&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1611746450&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1N4FBFHP4332AKHW54Y9

""Direct Quotes"" CRUISE CONTROL UNDERSTANDING SEX ADDICTION (I suggest everyone read this book):

...people who are addicted to sex, gambling, and compulsive spending are just as addicted to drugs as their sub­ stance-abusing counterparts. By engaging in certain behaviors, they have found a way to manipulate the chemical production system in their own bodies to get high without having to rely on an external catalyst like alcohol, nicotine, or heroin— though some sex addicts may use those substances as well. The physiological and emotional responses to their addicting behaviors are identical to the drug addict’s relationship to his substance of choice.

SIGNS OF PSYCHOBIOLOGICAL AROUSAL (CREATED THROUGH FANTASY AND CRUISING) • Rapid heartbeat • Dilated pupils • Fast, shallow breathing • Sweaty palms • Psychological intensity or vigilance • Narrowing of emotions and/or intense focus on one emotion or experience • Intellectual detachment from important people, values, and events

...men who obsessively cruise gyms and bathhouses, men who cruise the Internet induce this temporary, trance like hyper-arousal state and sustain it through visual and emotional fantasy. And just like their more “extro­verted” counterparts, many Internet sex addicts experience either a letdown once they reach orgasm and their body returns to its normal state or they need to start their searching all over again

...addicts are often not in touch with what they are feeling and therefore tend to be more emotionally reactive. When they’re stressed or upset, addicts will impulsively turn to their addictions to distract themselves from difficult feelings with which they have no other means to deal. This pattern of utilizing substances or impulsive/compulsive behaviors or combinations of both to manage difficult feelings and events— rather than cultivating healthy habits of self- nurturing or asking for the support of caring others— is what addiction is all about. Sex addicts use the intense familiar feelings provoked by sexual fantasy and sexual behavior to feel in control of deeper emotions, to feel powerful (when they feel vulnerable), and to feel desirable (when they’re feeling needful). This pattern is the addict’s default mode when he is stressed-out, angry, or simply when he wants to reward himself.

Sex addicts use the intense familiar feelings provoked by sexual fantasy and sexual behavior to feel in control of deeper emotions, to feel powerful (when they feel vulnerable), and to feel desirable (when they’re feeling needful). This pattern is the addict’s default mode when he is stressed-out, angry, or simply when he wants to reward himself

...he becomes emotionally aroused by the idea of the sex; This arousal makes him increasingly less aware of the emotional stresses that triggered the fantasy, as he devotes his full attention to planning his sexual experience sex addict experiences a sense of satisfaction through the release of much of the tension that had been building in his body and psyche. He may also feel emotionally numb, shameful, or anxious about the consequences of his actions. He may even have a desire to start the whole process over again immediately
If a couple wants to remain together, any scenario other than monogamy is not recommended, given the problems that casual sexual activity outside the relationship can present for sex addicts
When a sex addict in a partnership chooses to recover, this indeterminacy or “openness” must end

...you don’t just show up at your fuck buddy’s house, have hot sex, then go home. Recovering sex addicts who are working toward stability seek more emotional connection with those whom they choose to relate to through sex. A recovering sex addict might invite his former fuck buddy to go out and catch a movie (nonporn) before they have sex— or they might share a meal and/or spend the night together following sex. Neither of them may be interested in their becoming lovers or even dating, but the emphasis of their time together shifts from an exclusive focus on sex to a focus on relating, which may include sex

Red Lights: These are characteristics or qualities that are unacceptable to me in anyone I might date. I would stop seeing him if he is: 1. An unrecovered drug addict or alcoholic 2. Still in a primary romantic relationship with someone else 3. Still living with an ex after they have broken up 4. An active sex addict 5. Someone who lies to me 6. Doesn’t return my phone calls or e-mail 7. Unemployed with no other means of income 8. Closeted

Yellow Lights: These characteristics or qualities might present a problem when I observe them in someone I am dating. I’ll be cautious if he: 1. Talks about himself a lot more than he listens 2. Just ended a long-term relationship very recently 3. Only seems to call me when he needs something 4. Doesn’t make me feel safe or appreciated when we’re together 5. Makes me handle all the plans and contacts for social­izing 6. Doesn’t offer to pay for meals or dates 7. Doesn’t seem to want me to meet any of his friends or coworkers 8. Doesn’t want to plan ahead and often reschedules or cancels plans we’ve made

Green Lights: These are characteristics or qualities in a potential romantic partner that I really like and find attractive I would be encouraged to continue dating if he: 1. Tries to find out what is going on with me and how I am doing 2. Offers to help me out with things I am doing 3. Surprises me with fun or playful experiences 4. Has interesting hobbies and displays his own sense of creativity 5. Shares interests with me 6. Returns calls on time and shows up for things we’ve planned to do

Nonphysical Romantic Intimacy Building Blocks • Love letters • Special names for each other • Gifts— both small and large • Flowers • Making dates to spend time together • Taking time to listen • Taking time to do things he likes more than you do without looking for compliments • Doing favors for your partner • Taking over a task he hates (dishes, laundry) without looking for compliments • Looking into his eyes • Telling him what you value about him—giving compli­ments • Going dancing together • Walking in nature together • Planning special evenings, weekends alone or with friends • Coming home early Physical Romantic Intimacy Building Blocks • Bathing each other • Massaging his back • Combing his hair • Rubbing his feet • Holding hands • Kissing • Cuddling Sexual Intimacy Building Blocks • Talking during sex— letting your partner know more about what you like. • Keeping the lights on— looking into his eyes as you pleasure him. • Allowing laughter— sex doesn’t have to be so serious! • Staying present— being willing to stop if you get distracted. • Being spontaneous— trying new positions and being playful with each other. • Learning more about male sexuality through reading or workshops

Most queer coming-of-age stories are young adult (YA) literature, a genre I've liked since I was an actual young adult. These days YA writing is better than ever and most books are only classified as YA because the protagonists are young adults.

One of my favorites is Honestly Ben by Bill Konigsberg. Ben's story isn't the typical struggle with sexual identity and Ben is a character I'd actually like to know in real life and I'm sure I'll read Honestly Ben again. Honestly Ben is actually a sequel to Openly Straight. Openly Straight is also very good (with a modern twist of an openly gay teen tired of being The Gay Kid and wanting to have a "normal" high school life) so read it first (though you don't have to, Honestly Ben, which I think is the best of the two books, can stand alone).

Another favorite is True Letters From a Fictional Life by Kenneth Logan . It's a well written coming-of-age story featuring a guy who is just an ordinary guy dealing well but not simply with the fact that he's gay. The dialog between he and his friends was particularly good.

The Year of Ice by Brian Malloy. Senior year of a gay guy in 1978. The main character's thoughts and issues (which are minor) were realistic and somewhat humorous.

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera is a sort of sc-ifi novel, though the slight sci-fi bit is there to facilitate a story of identity and self acceptance.

Silvera's History Is All You Left Me is a well written sad tale of dealing with loss. And, as I said, it's a sad tale, but it's really good,

At the Edge of the Universe by Shaun David Hutchison is another sci-fi novel that isn't exactly sci-fi. Hutchinson's We Are the Ants is a similar novel. Both are good reads, and essentially deal with similar issues. I liked Universe better.


The Great American Whatever by Tim Federle isa good read. Somewhat funny.


David Levithan has written or co-written several coming-of-age books. He's very popular but I haven't really liked any of his books except You Know Me Well which is co-written with Nina Lacour.

​

Dave Holmes's Party of One: A Memoir in 21 Songs is a good coming-of-age memoir that mostly focuses on college years and shortly after. The book is enjoyable without any knowledge of who Holmes is, I'd never heard of him until I read this book. (Holmes was an MTV VJ in the late 90s and is now co-host of the really great podcast Homophilia.)


I found all of these books via libraries. I'd probably never have stumbled on any of them just by searching book sellers.

1. God loves you unconditionally and gives more grace than we could ever deserve.
   
2. You aren't alone. I felt this exact way when I found out I was attracted to guys when I first started college.
   
3. Don't give into pressure to choose one side or the other right away or even soon. This is a process of learning and growth and it probably sucks right now, but lean into the tension. Coming out / being 100% confident of your sexuality really soon is something that is, in my opinion, overhyped. Take your time.
   
4. I don't know how much research you have done yet, but I would recuse yourself from your currently held position and take a stance of neutrality. It's important as a Christian to figure out why you believe what you believe. This can be hard to do, but see what the Side A (Affirming) crowd's arguments and experiences are. Take notes. Understand why they genuinely believe that they are not acting against God. See how and why they counter their opponents' arguments. Once you have fully done that (and by fully I mean take your time and do it for a few months), then look up the non-affirming (Side B, Y, and X) positions and do the same. Even if this doesn't help you come to a conclusion right away, this still is a healthy practice of understanding the why behind the what.
   
5. This process of testing the foundations of your beliefs is/should probably extend to issues beyond LGBT inclusion in the church. One main pillar behind any LGBT/church argument is a stance on if Scripture is inerrant or not / what does it mean for something to be "inspired by God" / Should we hold to the same values as people 2,000 years ago (we've already expanded / moved on some from that)?
   
6. Remember to take breaks from this. Be diligent, but don't let this pursuit of the truth consume you.
   
7. Find non-judgmental friends who won't try to preach at you and can support you in your time of discernment and beyond.
   
   If you would like to PM me and ask more questions, I'm always happy to help people who were where I was 4 years ago.
   
   ​
   
   Here are a few good Affirming (A) resources to start out with:
   
   Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-VS-Christians Debate by Justin Lee (A)
   
   God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines (A)
   
   Modern Kinship by David and Constantino Khalaf (A)
   
   Blue Babies Pink by Brett Trapp / B.T. Harmann (A)
   
   Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church's Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James Brownson (A)
   
   Sex and the Single Savior: Gender and Sexuality in Biblical Interpretation by Dale Martin (A)
   
   Risking Grace, Loving Our Gay Family and Friends Like Jesus by Dave Jackson (A)
   
   ​
   
   I'm compiling a list of other good resources / bad ones (from all perspectives, not just ones I disagree with), so let me know if you're looking for something more specific.

You said your parents are conservative, but I'm not sure if that also means religious (I assume so). Part of your issue is that you speak to them about this like you're asking them for advice or their opinion, which is not the case. You need to be clear with them about that you're sure who you are and what you want.

Also, you really need to buy the very best book on the subject of gay people and Christianity. It's called:

UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question by John Shore

Read the reviews on Amazon. If you can't afford it, I'll buy you one. Read it as soon as you can.

One other thing you should check out is this short video from Dan Savage, creator of the It Gets Better Project, about how to come out to conservative Christian parents.

Please also read this really honest conversation about religion and homosexuality, called I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay and the moving response called A Teen’s Brave Response to “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay”.

Here are also more responses to the original article.

Let me know how else I can help. Good luck!

Waxing is a good way to rid yourself hair and all but personally it's just really awkward to do without a helping hand!

I'd recommend using Magic hair removal powder; you just mix it with water, slap it on yo butt (or anywhere you want to use it), wait 5 minutes, and wash it off.

It's super good if you're like me and have sensitive skin, it's like hair removal cream but I find that it's much gentler on your skin (plus you can adjust the water to powder ratio to how you want it). The only problem I've had with it is when I've let my ass get too hairy and used it there's like a few hairs here and there that weren't removed but when that happens you can just shave it off without getting shaving rashes.

Definitely recommend giving it a try if you want a nice smooth buttox.

Honestly, talk to him. That's the best way to figure this out. If you don't want the relationship to end then tell him that, but at the same time tell him how you truly feel about the situation.
Maybe you guys can start an open relationship if both of you are in the same boat. It seems you both like each other, but let's be honest, sometimes we want to fuck other people and that's okay!

And tell your brother to stay away from your man if you feel like it!

I highly recommend these books:
· Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/157344295X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_KUJACb1TCC91K

· The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_iVJACbHYG8XA0

I've never tried it, but I've heard good things about the BAKblade: https://www.amazon.com/baKblades-BIGMOUTH--Yourself-Back-Shaver/dp/B00BPBLMCS/

​

Essentially it's a huge razor with a safety guard, so that you can easily and safely shave your own back when you're in the shower. There are plenty of positive reviews on Amazon. Here's a video promoting it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdJrU0HRVzY

First off: Follow your last paragraph. Be honest with your boyfriend about what's going on.

Next, remember that monogamy isn't your only option.

I don't struggle with monogamy. I just know that it isn't for me. I'm a hell of a good partner: attentive, respectful, compromising, and great at sex (also, modest). I also love variety and I hate closed doors and the question of "what if." If I'm into someone, I want to be able to pursue it.

So I've sought out partners who share my values. We don't believe that love is finite or that commitment and exclusivity are synonyms. We both date other people and go to sex parties together. We're absurdly happy together and neither of us would have it any other way.

In short, do what works for you. Maybe monogamy's not it. Check out Tristan Taormino's Opening Up to see if any of it resonates with you.

Talk talk talk. That's the secret to any relationship - esp poly.

Poly means different things to different people. There is no one correct way. Poly is what you and partners decide it is. Everyone has different reasons about why they are poly.

Personally, I think that it is cruel to expect everything I want from one person. I have enough love to share and my lovers all have different roles in my life. I tired poly when I was not ready and got consumed by jealousy and relationship drama. We make mistakes and we learn. It takes a LOT of emotional maturity, patience, and trust to be in a healthy poly relationship. Poly is not for everyone and it doesn't need to be. Nothing wrong with monogamy if that's your thing.

I think people are more fascinated with the idea of poly. And reality is not always that glamorous. So many people want a quick peep into the lifestyle. The taboo is alluring. But many people also cannot get over the possessiveness and insecurity. No matter how secure you are in yourself and how strong your relationship is, being in a real life poly situation will bring up insecurities and challenge your relationship. If you both work on it together, you will become more close and trusting of each other. It can also drive a wedge between you both.

I would also suggest any of the the below books.

• Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Designer-Relationships-Monogamy-Polyamory-Optimistic/dp/1627781471/
  
• The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures - https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664/
  
• Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic - https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Reconciling-Erotic-Domestic/dp/0060753633/
  
• Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships - https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/
  
• Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality - https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805/

My life changed when I started using fiber pills. I personally use these, Psyllium Husk Capsules, to help keep things solid and stay "cleaner." Give it a shot!

Also, don't sweat it too much. A good top shouldn't worry too much about it being squeaky clean up there. All you can do is try your best to prepare and whatever happens, happens.

I'd just rather take something from a bottle lol like these for example. I'm looking for a Pure For Men substitute because I'm trying to cut on expenses..

I'm from Mexico, border with Texas, so I have access to HEB, Walmart, Costco, Target, etc. so something from there would be really helpful lol THANKS!

Buy him this book:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

This is a truly famous book... It's short....each page is basically a whole chapter...

It's very good and it helped me a great deal

There's a link to it on Amazon (below)

Read the reviews....The vast majority are incredibly favorable... But of course some are not.

I hope it helps him...and you !!

Link:

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

A good book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

The whole thing is available for free online here.

It’s a cheesy book from the 70s, but it helps. xoxo

Even better than an enema (and safer/healthier) are fiber tablets like these. If you take these things consistently you'll be much cleaner down there. The fiber binds together your poo so you can evacuate it more easily when you go #2 without leaving any residue behind. Trust me, it works.

I don't claim to be an expert on this but I can certainly identify with you. I am going through something extremely painful too and my feelings are very similar to yours.

One thing that strikes me about your situation is that, as far as i can tell, he basically stopped his relationship with you 3 months ago.
That really is not an inordinate amount of time to be in pain about a breakup....especially after being together for a year and a half.

It's just going to take some time and it sucks.

There are a few things that are standard ways to cope with this kind of pain.

Spend time with friends..... try to see other guys and give them a chance to win you over.... do things that you enjoy and try to take up interesting things that are new.

You could consider psychotherapy or antidepressant medication.

And there's a famous & classic book on this situation that might help you. It once really helped me.

The title is.... How to Survive the Loss of a Love

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I really hope that you feel better soon....and I'm sorry that you are going through this

Lots and lots of therapy. The Velvet Rage was essential reading. Knowing lots of other gay men have had similar problems helps. There are peer support groups also--there absolutely is profound trauma we experience growing up in a world that doesn't accept us, even if some have it a bit better. Be kind to yourself--the coping mechanisms you developed back then just aren't serving you now. I fell into addiction because I internalized all the negative messaging churches and schoolmates told me. I think it helps also to be the person you wish you had back then for someone else in that situation right now. You know firsthand what it's like, and by supporting someone else going through it, I think you can be that person for yourself at the same time.

Eating more fiber , and by extension taking a Fiber pill (and drinking lots of water) can help you to "pass more matter" therefore there's less left behind and therefore less mess . A lot of people use "Metamucil " or "Pure For Men" or even switch to a higher fiber diet . Fiber will NOT take place of douching 100% but it can help a lot . You should give it a shot . I use this one it's much cheaper than the other brands . Just make sure you drink a LOT of water often and read the package to see how many to take

NOW Supplements, Psyllium Husk 500 mg, 500 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0013OW2KS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_StI1Cb12NVDVN

Totally!
Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding sex addiction in Gay men.
A really great read!
http://www.amazon.com/Cruise-Control-Understanding-Sex-Addiction/dp/0985063300/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426612660&sr=8-1&keywords=cruise+control+understanding+sex+addiction+in+gay+men

If you are interested in reading about sex addiction in the gay community I highly recommend this book. It explains a lot of the "why" gay men feel like they need validation and how being promiscuous attempts to fill many voids. It was an eye-opening book for me and helped me understand my "enemies", my own demons, and made me feel like the issue is something that almost all gay men are going through. I think the real question here isn't about Grindr...it's about promiscuity and self esteem, both of which Grindr isn't really healthy for.

https://www.amazon.com/Cruise-Control-Understanding-Sex-Addiction/dp/0985063300

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450/ref=nodl_

You can move beyond your shame. I hope it happens for you one day 💗

All pubic hair grows really fast. Nair or Veet will burn like a mf because the tissues of the groin are "sensitive" to put it mildly.

Magic Shaving Powder.

I recommend this 110%. I use it fairly regularly and have no itching, no burning, nothing. It gets you completely smooth but is not a harsh chemical. Can get it for like 3 bucks at Walmart/amazon.

I have this nifty little thing called the bakblade. All u need is a mirror and you can take care of your back yourself! And the blades last forever!!!!!


EDIT: here's the bakblade https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00BPBLMCS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1495414357&sr=8-1&keywords=bakblade

this stuff from amazon

I take 3 capsules in morning and 3 at night with a glass of water or 2, it’s 500 capsules for 16 bucks so it lasts for like 70+ days lol

dude, amazon is your friend.

Body issues affect men loads more than anyone cares to discuss and gay men are hit particularity hard. For example, "straight-guy thin" is "gay fat". Guys of all ages tear themselves apart and other gay men are happy to help. In an ever-more image focused culture, it is a struggle to not fall into this trap of trying to live up to everyone else's highlight reel when you're living your b-roll.

I struggled with being a chubby kid forever. I was called 'fatty-faggot' my entire childhood. I am a normal weight now at 29 but my self-image has never caught up. When I am stressed or upset, I feel like that chubby little boy who just wants to hide. That said, what helped me was working on myself inside and out and setting incremental goals rather than grand, long-term goals. Easier said than done, but here is what I did.

The first thing I did was clean up my diet and portion sizes. That is 80% of the battle on the weight front. Figure out your TDE for calories, eat a deficit, lose weight. It really is that simple. I track using the app MyFitnessPal. You can eat anything but a a balanced diet of protein, fat and carbs with minimally processed foods will keep you from feeling hungry and give you steady energy. I always pack my lunch for work and if I forget, I keep Soylent at my desk so I don't eat out. When I can, I research where I'll be eating out so I know what I want to order and don't get tempted by things that'll blow up my daily intake. I know what is not-awful at fast-food joints. I drink but track the cals. And sometimes, I say fuck it and eat a big fat meal...but eating excessively has to be the exception, NOT A RULE. What helps me is not seeing every meal as a pleasure cruise but as me just refueling to do my work and live my life.

Drastic diets do not work. It'll take some trial and error but you will find out a lifestyle of eating that suites you. Remember, this is a long game of changing your habits and your relationship with food. It does not matter what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas but rather that you eat between New Years ans Thanksgiving.

I committed to a 'no zero days' approach to exercise. Everyday, I do something for 30 mins that gets me off my ass. Even if my day is crazy, I walk my pups for 30 mins. I use my Apple Watch to track. Often, I eat my lunch at my desk while I work and use my lunch hour to get moving. You don't have to spend 3 hours a day in the gym to build exercise in. If you wanna give your cleaned up diet a boost, this is how you do it.

Finally, learn to start loving yourself being more mindful about how you consider yourself. To this day, I have an automatic negative self-image and when I catch myself being hard on myself, I ask "Well, what have I done today or ever to make this better?" or "who says I need to be this way or look this way?" You can motivate yourself and still be gentle with you. Read some self-help books and if you feel you need it, consider therapy. There is no shame in asking for help.

These helped me shift my thinking:

https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450

https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419

I hope this helps buddy.

Note that if you buy the pill form the dossage is really low. Each pill is about 1.5% of your daily fiber need so you'd need to take literally a handful each day to have some noticeable effect. The loose form (that you mix in with water) seems to allow you to easily take a bigger dosage.

Learn it. Use it. Love it. Also those bumps can be reduced after shaving by using an after-shave balm with vitamin D and putting an antiperspirant on the area. Razor bumps down there are tricky because the skin gets sweaty and rubs against your underwear and other skin, causing more irritation. You shouldn't shave there in the first place.

ive heard this is pretty good. no stubble, and less irritation. lasts shorter than waxing tho i guess?

Dan Savage recommends this book.

Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://www.amazon.ca/dp/157344295X/

NOW Psyllium Husk 500 mg,500 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0013OW2KS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_d993Bb7NV4FA5

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0013OW2KS/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

You can get it on Amazon.

There's a few, but three that I'd read are:

https://www.amazon.com/Torn-Rescuing-Gospel-Gays-vs-Christians-Debate/dp/1455514306/

https://www.amazon.com/UnClobber-Rethinking-Misuse-Bible-Homosexuality/dp/066426221X/

and http://www.godandthegaychristian.com/

Gays are statistically more intelligent, and as the book The Velvet Rage describes, they frequently channel their frustrations into becoming high achievers, so they often get good jobs that pay a lot of money and thus can afford CA/NY.

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The Velvet Rage- Alan Downs
https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/1611746450

I Am Not Myself These Days-Josh Kilmer-Purcell
https://www.amazon.com/Am-Not-Myself-These-Days/dp/0060817321/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1509556002&sr=8-1&keywords=i+am+not+myself+these+days

> All of the behaviors of finding a mate is usually in high school. Passing notes in class holding hands while walking down the hall, going out on dates. Do you see what I am getting at? The gay guys in high school do not participate in these behaviors because they are in fear of their safety and protecting their secret from everyone.... Straight couples have professed their love from the rooftop, had sexual relations that everybody knew about and accepted. What do the gay guys have? Nothing but a blank slate and no clue how to rectify that.

Have you read The Velvet Rage? If not, highly recommended. http://www.amazon.com/The-Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Straight/dp/1611746450

Edited to add link.