Best products from r/askseddit

Ah that’s great, mate. So pleased to hear that. 👏🏻

MENTAL FOCUS

Most guys don’t know this, but your vibe & frame of mind (Vin DiCarlo calls this “your (mental) focus”) on the initial approach/meeting is SO important.
A girl totally knows, within the first few seconds of meeting a guy, if a guy is a potential Lover, or a definite Provider/Friend

If you have stayed in the same frame of mind throughout your relationship, then I dare say you are a potential Lover for her.
The hugging though, it sounds like more of a friend hugging, than a lover hugging. But best to be cool, while you guys are still friends.

***

THE SITUATION

• She sees you as a potential Lover who is her friend now (I’m 50-70% sure).
  

• She doesn’t seem open to a relationship between the two of you currently.
  
• Therefore, you should:
  
  • Be a cool guy friend of hers (ie. Don’t be too forward with her romantically. Give her some space.), and
    
  • Start dating other women — this has many benefits:
    
  1. increase your attractiveness to women in general,
     
  2. Improve your skills with dating women, and
     
  3. Cultivate an Abundance mentality (instead of the Scarcity mentality/neediness most average guys have)
     
     ***
     

     WHAT TO DO FROM HERE: SOME SUGGESTIONS
     

     To keep you on the (potential) Lover side, I suggest
     

• CHIVALRY: being/continuing to be chivalrous when you’re out with her.
  
  • eg. open doors for her in a Prince Charming way, not in a supplicating way.
    
  • eg2. When walking side-by-side next to her on the sidewalks, and she’s on the edge of the sidewalk — gently redirect her so you swap spots with her
    
  • Little things like that.
    
• ABUNDANCE MENTALITY: Be her friend, but continue meeting other new women. If you dare, you could even ask her for recommendations (anyone amongst her friends she could introduce you to).
  
• HAVE HIGH STANDARDS: Be a good friend, but never supplicate to her. Hold her to the same high standards (for choosing a friend) you use for all your other friends.
  
• HAVE FUN: Keep teasing her, flirting with her, when it feels right. Calibration is key. Be a cool guy in her life. 😎
  
• IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS WITH WOMEN: If you are interested in women, go read up more on how to improve your life & lifestyle, to:
  
  1. Be attractive to women you like
     
  2. Meet more women on a regular basis (eg. joining a social Tennis/Netball club)
     
  • Book suggestion: Stephen Nash’s How to Get a Girlfriend Amazon link here — Note: I don’t receive any commissions, I’m recommending it coz it’s a good book if you’re genuinely looking to improve with women
    
  • Free resource: The Book of Pook
    
    Hope this helps
    
    P.s. My brief background: I’m a 33yo man, happily married.
    I was very shy in my teenage years and had to learn how to get good at dating with women.
    It was a scary but fantastically fun adventure dating some beautiful women, and I gained some valuable social skills & social confidence. Life is good now.

So my guess is that it's less of a physical appearance matter and more of a personality/attitude thing. Such as the beach for example, instead of asking who wants to go to the beach, make it more definite. You're going to the beach, who wants to come along? You need to give off the air that while you would like everyone's company, you don't need it. THEY'RE the ones who should feel privileged to be around you, not the other way around. As for the getting things example, I assume you always go up and get it? It's one thing to be the helpful guy people appreciate, another to be the carpet they walk on. If they ask you to get something, give them a little crap for asking, then another time ask them to make it up to you. Perhaps "Alright fine I'll get the beer, but you owe me pizza later" And actually get them to get the pizza.

As for the body, it sounds like you lack some confidence due to being skinny. While skinny men can be Alpha and imposing, perhaps you should work out more so YOU feel imposing.

But basically what it boils down to is that it feels like you don't have the most confidence and get dejected when people don't go with you to the point of being a bit submissive. Fake it till you've got it, just pretend that you're confident and things should be the way they are, and eventually it'll actually work out that way. Read some of the links on here, plus I highly recommend looking at The Art of Manliness for more ideas. Most important is to just go out and try things out, reading can only take you so far, and failing is not failure, it's a learning experience.

Also here's some advice I gave earlier which might help:

>For your hair post in /r/malehairadvice for a style that fits you, they're going to want full body pics with outfit. As for fashion, post in /r/malefashionadvice for some help based on your figure and body stature. If you truly want a progression to give you some guidance, consdier The Art of Manliness' 30 Days to a Better Man (also just a damn good manly blog.

>If you want to change how you look physically, hit the gym, use /r/Fitness to help develop a routine. With a diet and regular exercise within a year you'll look completely different.

>Now we've hit the physical attributes of being more manly, for the more mental ones that's harder. They will develop as you come to appreciate your body more, but it's a mindset more than anything. If you pretend confidence long enough you have it eventually. When someone tells you you're like an annoying little brother, ask why, figure out what personality traits these are and change them. I highly recommend finding some inspirational figure to model your life on, for me personally it's Theodore Roosevelt, Edmund Morris's biographical trilogy is FANTASTIC. At least read the first book, Roosevelt had to overcome much greater hurdles than you, you can do the same. Don't be afraid to ask questions and figure out why people think you are the way you are, just be sure to change it. If you need motivation, /r/GetMotivated is there for you. Further let this move into other areas of your life, work hard and play hard.

>I'm going to strongly encourage you to read some articles on Art of Manliness, it's not 100% perfect, but a great site for men.

>Edit: Oh and I know it's too late for you to do this now, but one of the most attractive qualities I've been told by women is that I'm an Eagle Scout. Reasoning behind this is that it says that I embody certain aspects, namely the Scout Law and Scout Oath (as well as the Slogan and Motto). You can still live up to these ideals without being an Eagle Scout, just start now, they really are very manly.

>Should I break up with my "shitty" "friends"? Is that even possible? Is it even worth it, because if I do it and my new grade doesn't like me, I'll fall between the cracks and I'll be forever alone atleast till I graduate in 3 years.

Ahhh, this is what I was looking for.

Want people to like you? VALUE THEM.

That's literally all you need to do. You don't need to play sports, look sexy, have a good haircut, wear nice clothes, smell good, have a million bucks... you just need to value people.

You don't have "shitty friends." You are a shitty friend.

You feel your friends are holding you back from climbing up the social ladder. So you are willing to abandon them at any point to "trade up" for new friends, who are hopefully "cool."

The only reason you don't do this is you feel if you take that risk, you might just lose all your friends.

You're right about that.

Start valuing your friends. That is how you will start valuing yourself. The only reason you don't like your friends is because you see a reflection of yourself in them. So if you start liking your friends, you'll start liking yourself.

When you start liking yourself, others will start liking you.

View all human beings as equal. There are no "cool kids" and non "cool kids." There are just human beings. And they all want to be valued. And none of them are being valued.

If you can value them, they will like you, and you will like yourself.

Read:

"How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie"

"Just Listen – Mark Goulston"

Easily the best resource I can recommend from own experience, changed my life:

Models by Mark Manson

Buy it. Read it. Get out there. I agree with the other comments, it starts within. You need to grasp who you are as a person from within and BE different from everyone else. Forget the random attractive girls, you need to explore things that make you who you are and find the demographic of women that would be most compatible. If you like to play video games and occasionally play pick up ultimate the girl in the ugg boots and yoga pants at Starbucks ordering a Venti Double whip chai mocha latte is NOT for you. First step toward finding the right girl is figuring out what YOU like to do and enjoy YOUR own activities first and foremost. A girl should be as interested in you as you are in her, you do you and invite them to SHARE experiences in YOUR life. Not become a PART of it or be put on a PEDESTAL.

Yeah, I've done hundreds of approaches, and my recommendation to newbies is always the same: The Rules of the Game. I'm assuming you've read The Game first, of course. It'll will start you off slow and easy with important foundational material you won't see elsewhere and teach you everything important you need to know to begin in a coherent 30 day system. To use philosarapter's baseball analogy, you could go out and just start swinging for balls (which is extremely frustrating) or you could pick up a book that teaches the fundamentals of baseball; stance, grip, keep your eye on the ball, etc. This is that book. Of course, nothing beats having a great coach but they are extremely expensive and really only good once you've got the basics down. Naturally, you'll want to get on a team and actually play soon enough, and that's where you want to join up with a Lair and find some good wingmen. But yeah, start with Rules of the Game.

Do not listen to anyone who says "get your own place."
That is the obvious advice, but that's not the advice you asked for.

You can hook up in your car, in a empty parking lot, at night. I suggest getting tinted windows. If you cannot afford tints, use these
If that doesn't work for you, simply take a girl home. You're fucking 27 years old. You should have a dating and sex life. Your parents should respect that.
Work on sound-dampening your bedroom. Get a carpet or large rug, fix your insulation, fix the door also, try blackout curtains on the windows. A new mattress and pillows could also do wonders.
You could also try getting your folks out for the night by buying them dinner or a movie.

There is a solution for everything. You do not need to move out.

Good luck and happy fucking!

Sounds to me like you're sorta basing your happiness on external factors. Learn to just enjoy yourself. Every time you meet a girl don't think about your ex, and don't think about the potential LTR/f-close yet (I'm assuming you're game isnt very good because of that 7 year relationship). Everyone is special (in some way at least) and try to find that in her, might help. Or just man up and start sarging till you get over this ;)

Read Intimate Connections by David Burns (here) it'll help a lot. If you can't afford it or its not at a local library, you can find the pdf easily enough.

Ok so it sounds like looks aren't your strong suit. Working out is a good idea but bottom line - if you're 5'5 you aren't the guy that girls are just going to notice based on looks. Also, shave your head if you haven't already. Then you don't look bald. You look like a guy with a shaved head.

So clearly looks aren't your strongest suit, but your talking and social skills are. By not talking to women and waiting for them to show interest based on your looks, you are keeping your strong suit hidden and relying on your weaker aspect.

Now you might not think you have good social skills except when you are in the zone but here's the truth. Your "zone" is just experiencing a lack of anxiety. What you experience most of the time is social anxiety. That's why you are in your head.

The way you can deal with your anxiety about talking to women is through exposure (talk to lots of women) and read up on how to deal with the anxiety. This book is good: http://www.amazon.com/Control-Your-Anxiety-Before-Controls/dp/0806521368/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

I believe myself to be more optimistic than OP, but I'm still going to read that book you listed. I'm sure it has some solid info in there worth reading.

To OP. A lot of your "shortcomings" are only shortcomings because you're making them just that. As I'm reading here I'm just thinking. Whats so bad about that?... Stop being so mopey and make an effort to improve your life. I cant I cant I cant.. You need some good mental advancement to get your head right. Personally, I'm not big on meditation, but I've heard it does wonders. Maybe you can give this a try Amazon.com - Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World

Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi and I wish I had started with it. Seduction is soooo much easier to learn when you have tons of people to practice on without having to cold approach 3 nights/week.

Combine this book with some of the advice from the short articles you're reading and you'll be a better gamer than 90% of the guys here - and you'll have friends, fame and fortune to boot.

Oh and if you remember me once you're done, send me a message with how it worked out for you.

How to talk to Anyone http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships-ebook/dp/B000SEI4V0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1407347848&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+talk+to+anyone.
How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie.

The bottom line is you have to take a genuine interest in the stories of other people. That's what makes someone fun to talk to.

Or Mark Manson's book "Models". He also has a connection course at his website for 30 bucks. Worth it if you're struggling with this.
markmanson.net

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

Models by Mark Manson

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Practical Guide for Improving Communication by John Gray

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

I'd recommend checking out Mark Manson's website. There's some great stuff there for subscribers.

Models has a pretty good section on verbal game.

But in general, if you aren't relying on canned material, it helps.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00C93Q5KK?pc_redir=1406923753&robot_redir=1

The Game is more for entertainment than information. You won't learn much more than you already know by reading it.

I would focus on conversation threading. You can find numerous more articles by using the search bar.

If you want a more of a "guide." I've been told this is pretty good. (I haven't used it though.)

I'm currently reading "The Mystery Method" it's widely considered one of the foundation of the PUA community. So that would also be a good place to start.

Also read the sidebar stuff in /r/seduction

EDIT: Forget about IOIs they are bs and just distract you from your game and being present in the moment. Always Assume Attraction you have no idea how much this will help you.

You just asked how to interact with an attractive woman. That's a very broad question. Read the side bar, read Models by Mark Manson, read The Rational Male.

If I had to summarize seduction in one phrase: be outcome independent, but be interested.

The Game isn't a good place to start, it's more history and what happened than guidance.

Models by Mark Manson is probably the best place to start.

http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358