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Hey Amber! I'm 26 too and have been happily single for almost 3 years. It took me a while to get to that point, and it took a full year of me being "intentionally single" (no dating, no pursuing anyone etc)to be comfortable with where I am!

I've tried my best to focus on spending time with my friends and family and doing exciting things with them. Seeing live music, going to nature spots/beaches, making food together, going out for drinks and dancing, planning activities, getting involved in the community, etc. I've spent extra care and time getting to know how wonderful non-romantic love can be, and this is extremely fulfilling! By enhancing my platonic relationships and making them closer, I feel less time and energy is spent on trying to attract romantic or sexual attention. I feel more loved than I did when I had a romantic partner.

Going to a therapist really helped me too, if that's something you have access to I would recommend it to anyone. Having an objective voice who can help you build your confidence is invaluable!

Working on growing and exploring your passions is also paramount to being intentionally or happily single. I read a lot, listen to tons of podcast and radio, love to travel, cook, try new foods, I got into doing aquafit and water aerobics, cannabis, and I spend a lot of time researching subjects that fascinate me and learning as much as I can about them. Keeping your mind busy and fully entrenched in things you care about, combined with trying new things, is how to kick-start your self growth.

Here are a couple of books that came to mind that have helped me open my mind about love, relationships and singleness and whatnot:

https://www.amazon.ca/All-About-Love-New-Visions/dp/0060959479/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=all+about+love&qid=1566177095&s=gateway&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.ca/All-Single-Ladies-Unmarried-Independent/dp/1476716579/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=all+the+single+ladies&qid=1566177116&s=gateway&sr=8-1

good luck and enjoy :)

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=nodl_

This book was a godsend when I was going through puberty. It taught me everything I needed to know about hormones, periods, bras, hygiene, emotional changes, etc.

It’s about $5-7 on Amazon and it was an amazing resource when I was growing up.

I would also recommend looking into the way her school approaches sex education. Some schools still take a religious or abstinence-based standpoint which can contain factually inaccurate or less than helpful advice.

I would make sure she understands what healthy relationships look like; how to use her voice if she needs to say no to something, and has the comfortably to come to you if she is in a situation she needs to get out of (I.e. picking her up if she calls to leave a party).

Make sure she has the information or training to practice proper self defense, and feels empowered to listen to her inner voice to stand up against peer pressure.

Make sure she has someone to talk to about body image and has a healthy relationship to food. Being in sports or other personal growth building activities can help immensely in building confidence in young women.

Most of all, make sure she knows that you love her, and are there for her. Give her ideas for someone to talk to if she needs a woman to ask questions to about embarrassing topics.

I also highly recommend keeping the following in her bathroom: tampons, lube (for said tampons, the first time using can be painful and scary), pads, wet wipes, condoms, and emergency contraception. The latter might be saved for when she’s a bit older, and if you aren’t comfortable purchasing these things for her, I strongly recommend taking her to planned parenthood when she is ready so that she can make safe and informed decisions about birth control.

Best of luck!!!

Guy here. First off, I'm very sorry you are in the position that you are. It can be very challenging for a partner of someone who has such a large issue within themselves. And it's heartbreaking to hear how you speak of your wife while understanding she likely doesn't realize how deeply you feel for her.

I have to wonder if she doesn't have body dysmorphia. Given the things you've described here with how she is with regards to nudity with you and what would otherwise be a relatively non-issue with her dress, it would seem plausible that may be the case with your wife. Though I'm certainly no expert, so I could be very much speaking out of my ass so don't take that as much more than a guess.

Like has been mentioned therapy for her and for the both of you seems like the right approach. Also, like has been mentioned showering her with compliments could be interpreted both as a positive and a negative. So it may be wise to avoid that approach as a full bore method forward. It's also worth noting that while some of the things she says, like the comment as you left the room after the incident with her dress, likely isn't her so much as a defensive reaction. I know this will be much easier said than done, but try to not take those kinds of things personally. Instead it may be better to think and react based on why she would say that and respond from that position. To react almost as if you didn't hear the words she said, but the feeling she expressed such as shame and fear. But no matter what, communication is so critical particularly in difficult situations like this. Just remember to communicate how YOU feel and how what she did made YOU feel. When you own your feelings and you express them she won't react and respond from a position of defense. Given how she's been as you described, that sounds like a very dark place for things to go to.

I may be butchering writing out my thinking, but I'm hopeful that all makes sense. I read a book which I think could be helpful for you called Attached. It's about attachment types both for you and for your partner, as well as what behaviors can be exhibited and what causes them. The best way I can describe it is in conjunction with Love Languages. Love Languages give you the X and Y on who you are, what you like and dislike. Attached, at least for me, gave me the Z or depth to that. So not just who I am or what I like and dislike, but the why behind it. Why I reacted certain ways to certain situations. For me it was transformative. Suddenly the last 15 years of my love life made sense. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1585429139/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Regardless, I hope that your wife and in turn your marriage is able to find a healthier place of existing and that you can both become more connected and trusting of each other as the recent moments that have been a challenge for you both begin to be further and further behind you.

That's pretty adorable and sweet. You know her tastes best, so tailor this to her specifically, but a good jumping-off point is:

• Her favorite kind of candy or chocolate
  
• A good book in her favorite genre
  
• A heating pad for her cramps, or better yet, a heatable stuffed animal for her cramps.
  
• Midol/Ibuprofen/Tylenol/her preferred pain reliever
  
• "Coupons" for chores/activities you'd do for her - like backrub, footrub, doing one of her chores, getting her car washed, etc.
  
• A cute movie - does she like Disney or chick flicks or something similar?
  
• Just a fun I-love-you present, like maybe a bottle of nail polish in her favorite color.

There are many issues with this mentality.

First, most women do not come from penetration alone. It is common for women to touch themselves or use a toy during sex to get off. If it’s been a year, he is not learning your body. By not allowing you to touch yourself, it’s preventing you from orgasming.

I wonder if he has the same concern I had when I started using toys. If I use a toy, then what is the guy’s purpose? When I asked my sex partner this question, he brushed his fingers on my arm and said his purpose was that. Yes, I can orgasm by myself and with or without a toy. The sex partner is there to share the experience, to touch me in ways I can’t touch myself. I can’t caress my own arm and he can. I can’t cuddle myself after and he can. So your boyfriend’s role isn’t to get you off (which he is failing at), but to share the experience with you.

Second, orgasm is not the most important part of sex. People’s myopic focus on orgasm can ruin sex. Is the orgasm for you or for him? Focusing on orgasms as an end goal ironically can hinder one’s ability to orgasm. The stress of deliberately pushing oneself to orgasm is not conducive to orgasms.

I want to tell you what I wished had been told to me: it’s ok if you don’t orgasm. There is nothing wrong with you. I never faked it with my first boyfriend and he never got me to orgasm. And he convinced me I was broken. I wasn’t. He just couldn’t get me to orgasm. I have had many partners since and only a few have been able to get me to orgasm. It takes a lot of practice, patience, and experience to get me to orgasm. And it’s ok. It’s just how my body works.

You need to stop faking it for your sake. Im the long run, I was grateful I never faked it with my first. I guarantee you will never have an orgasm with him if he doesn’t know that what he’s doing is not working. From his point of view, he is great at sex because you always orgasm. You will need to be honest and say that the sex is great and it feels nice and you like it, but you don’t orgasm.

Lastly, I recommend reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski. I wished I had read it when I was 20 instead of 30s.

There is a case study in her book of a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The thing she had her clients do was take orgasm out of the equation. You can have all the fun and sex, but no orgasming is allowed. The idea is that then you can focus on the other aspects of sex. I highly recommend the book to both you and your boyfriend.

I fancy grand gestures but not if there isn't a stronger intimate connection to match. First build up the intimacy using something like Uncommon Questions,
Vertellis, or How Do You See The World?. Play a few cards at dinner or while in the car to spark deeper conversation. After a few weeks of that then spring for a nice Fri-Sun stay at an Airbnb or hotel by the beach where you can be tourists.

Tip: pack for setting the mood. You can instantly improve a hotel room by plugging in scented air fresheners and using big LED candles. Avoid draping any type of translucent fabric over lamps as that can actually cause a fire, but you can at least bring some softer /dimmer LED candles with you. Plan ahead by bringing your own corkscrew and bottle of wine or something sparkling.

Personally, my ideal grand gesture is a hot air balloon ride followed by a couples massage and sipping a fruity cocktail from a giant pineapple on the beach. But you can ask her about a favorite vacation.

First off, you are under no obligation to continue this arrangement with him. This might not be for you now and that is fine and normal. I hope it's not a reaction caused by your conservative upbringing though. If you want to experiment with sex and have fun trying things out, you are allowed. Also, if you don't enjoy this arrangement then you are completely allowed to end it. You are also allowed to start a conversation to modify the arrangement. Do you want more time to be spend on you needs? Tell him. Do you want to try specific things? Tell him. Do you need more cuddles and dates? Tell him.

I am disappointed in your friends for not supporting you and trying to help you out. The first thing I thought of after reading your post is: 'read 'Come as You Are' by Emily Nagoski. It's a book about sexuality from a scientific perspective. It explains how you body works, how sex is influenced by context, by culture and your own beliefs. It's incredibly interesting and also really fun to read! While reading this book you feel like you've found a funny friend who knows a ton about sex and accepts you for who you are. I would really advice you to read it.

My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.

Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.

The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!

If he's not abusive, he's awfully close. People who have abusive tendencies like to jump into relationships full speed to sort of 'trap' their partner. He is jealous, he tracks your location, confronts you when you don't respond fast enough (uh, you're in class!) or when he can't see where you are in real time, he's clingy, he's demanding of your time, he doesn't trust you even though you show him your communications with friends...

Okay, he's abusive.

The excitement of a new relationship, especially when they're super into you, is a rush. It happens. Sometimes it fizzles out under the best of circumstances; this is not the best of circumstances by a long shot.

Someone does not need an actual reason to break up with someone. Sure, it's great to be able to give one and it's great to be able to get one. But you have a lot of reasons to move on and move on fast before he escalates. BTW, there's a good chance he will be very angry if (hopefully when) you break up with him. Make sure friends are close by (don't let him know this) or do it in a very public area. Carry pepper spray if you must. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. Change your passcode on your phone or any password he knows. Delete/block him on all social media. If you do all this before you break up, he'll get suspicious. Write down a list of what you need to do so you don't forget. Then break up and take care of these things ASAP.

​

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Attached and The Feeling Good Handbook. As she handed them to me, I just kind of thought to myself "really?" She chuckled and said to give it a try. I left her office and purchased those two books from a local bookstore around the corner from her office and they were honestly great.

This book might offer some interesting insight for both of you: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

In short, it says that everyone has a sex gas pedal, like in a car. But everyone also has sex brakes. And it sounds like your GFs brakes are more sensitive than yours. (Both are totally legit and normal, BTW.) And there is great worth in understanding your own and your partner's gas and brake pedals.

No specific advice here, as your situation sounds complicated and highly personal. But I have encountered issues similar to that of your girlfriend (I didn't orgasm until I was 27,) and found this book: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090 to be IMMENSELY enlightening, and full of actionable advice which I have used with my current partner. My sex life has never been better. There are so many moving parts involved in sex, but you don't necessarily think about them while it's happening. That book will prompt both you and your partner to pay closer attention to your needs, reactions, etc, and hopefully, help you work toward a very healthy sexual relationship.

You should eat regular small meals instead of just one meal. When you have big gaps in between meals your body kicks into starvation mode and does weird stuff.. which it sounds like is happening to you.

A better plan would to eat small healthy snacks throughout the day. For example for breakfast I eat either a banana, a yogurt, or a hard boiled egg. For lunch I will have carrots and hummus, and sometimes a turkey and spinach sandwich. For dinner I will eat a small amount of pasta, or chicken and vegetables. I meal prep small meals in glass containers like these, https://www.amazon.com/Fit-Fresh-Containers-Locking-Airtight/dp/B07GM1NZ6K/ref=asc_df_B07GM1NZ6K/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242035717113&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16345667271521931883&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9005176&hvtargid=pla-556236948430&psc=1

Then if I do get hungry throughout the day I might have a cheese string, or a hard boiled egg, or an apple. If you stick to small healthy snacks and pre measured meals your metabolism will stay higher and you will be in a better spot to lose weight. When your body is in starvation mode it is a form of "preservation" where it can do more harm to your body than good.

Don't be ashamed! you can do this!

This is literally the best book ever. I had it since I was around 9 and it was so informative and has great info!

Edit: $8 on Amazon with prime shipping too!
link to book

The only logistical issue I can think of is how to use a tampon. A lot of girls I know had women to demonstrate it to them. However, there is a great book (let me look for the link and I’ll provide it) called “the care and keeping of you” by the company that makes American girl dolls that has diagrams for how to use a tampon. As awkward as it is though, make sure she knows to push the applicator all the way up to her cervix.

Edit: link

https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834/ref=asc_df_1609580834_nodl/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312089887152&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16111434728789237562&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009968&hvtargid=pla-434856321575&psc=1

So I just finished Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and cannot recommend it enough. She really helps break down women’s sexuality in a way that makes you feel enlightened afterward. Give it a read, it will help.

If someone's having sex with you they are not going to suddenly stop and be like "oh my god, your nipple is doing a thing!" It's really a non issue.

However, if this is something you can't get over you have a few options. There are places that can pierce your nipple to make it not be inverted anymore, but make sure you do a lot of research and look for someone who knows how to do it, maybe ask your doctor if they know someone. You could also give something like this a try.

These American Girl books really helped me. My parents explained a couple things, but if I didn't want to ask I could look at these books: https://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-American/dp/1609580834

edit: Spelling

Also, they are in two parts now, which is pretty cool.

I went on Amazon and found Jerome Russel Punky Color (something like that) and it's really good! I dyed my hair blue and it lasted for about 2 months with me washing it every other 2 days.

Here's a link:

https://www.amazon.com/Jerome-Russell-Flamingo-jerome-russell/dp/B00KJRV4TK/ref=sr_1_3?crid=JKOTO5Y3LJIN&keywords=jerome+russell+punky+colour&qid=1550101957&s=gateway&sprefix=jerome+%2Caps%2C241&sr=8-3

It's gonna look awkward unless the shirt is tight enough that it doesn't mess with the lines of the dress. You could get a fine mesh top, or a leotard with sleeves and either would probably work under this. To do this, you should probably just rock it as something purposeful, not try to hide it in any way.

I'd say go with a leotard like these:

https://www.amazon.com/Stretchable-Bodycon-Leotard-Bodysuit-Lingerie/dp/B0757NBVK2/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1543033782&sr=8-14&keywords=long+sleeve+leotards+for+women

https://www.amazon.com/Capezio-Womens-Turtleneck-Sleeve-Leotard/dp/B001GBH3AC/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1543033782&sr=8-8&keywords=long+sleeve+leotards+for+women

I came here to say this! You can also make one yourself, I've never tried it but people say that it's easy. Just make sure there's no metal in it...

I did the same thing when I breastfed. My lactation consultant also recommended using a nipple everter, which I bought, but never used because I didn't end up needing to. I can mail it to you if you like! Just PM me.

I've used something like this for a couple years now to great effect.

https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Pasties-Adhesive-Reusable-MUQU/dp/B073TR3SS4/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=pasties&qid=1567138655&s=gateway&sr=8-8&x=0&y=0

They have a little indentation on the inside to accommodate a perky nip. Under a bra they are virtually invisible.

Fuck the patriarchy.

I would just pick up some PH-D Lady bits are complicated things and can easily get out of whack. Have her put one in after sex, or in the mornings if you like to have sex in the evenings and she'll be back to being really wet.

The emotional / intimacy stuff I can't help with, but from a physical standpoint. These should make a difference without needing to go to a doctor

I would just pick up some PH-D Lady bits are complicated things and can easily get out of whack. Have her put one in after sex, or in the mornings if you like to have sex in the evenings and she'll be back to being really wet.

The emotional / intimacy stuff I can't help with, but from a physical standpoint. These should make a difference without needing to go to a doctor

You should order The Care and Keeping of You. It might be an American Girl product, but it is incredibly well-researched and written in an affirming way. There's now two editions, one for younger girls and one for older girls. Get them both. At minimum, read the younger book together. Use the correct terminology as much as you can.

There’s a book specifically about the barriers of orgasm by a sex health scholar Emily Nagoski titled Come As You Are. If you’re unable to purchase it, your local library may have it as an ebook to rent.

Book link via Amazon