(Part 2) Best products from r/askwomenadvice

Girl, I (25f) feel for you so hard. You sound like you are in quite a similar place to where I was last year. Trying so hard, going through one rejection after the next, exhausted in every sense of the word, with a desperate need for hope but a constantly depleting supply. I cried in bed and in the car most days, if not every day. But I’m not there any more. I have an amazing job I love that loves me back, an amazing boyfriend I love that loves me back, a healthy body, a really nice, finally stable housing situation, and I feel okay, and I’m doing things I love.
Here is what helped me, I hope these ideas might help you:

• I wrote down on paper, basically a congratulatory note to my future self. I described in fine detail every accomplishment I wanted for myself. Really take your time on this one and describe exactly** what you want, all of it. When you make it very clear, and very real, you will have paved a path. I don’t know how this works, but to me it seemed that once I had decided this is what I will have the universe said “okay, sounds good!” and started opening doors. I kept the piece of paper tucked away, and months later was able to find it and read about my current life that was once a dream, that was a beautiful, magical moment. If you’ve decided that you want something, but are in constant worry of rejection, rejection is going to show up for you. Focus on what you will have, the life you will live. Decide it will be yours.
  
• Read Dare to Dream by Debbi Dachinger https://www.amazon.com/DARE-DREAM-Counts-Secret-Reality/dp/1467930814/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1550418466&sr=8-3&keywords=debbi+dachinger There might be cheaper copies on eBay as well. The cover is not appealing, I know. When this book found its way into my life I didn’t have room to care, I needed help to make a change and this shit helped big time. This was the launch board that got me the interview that got me the job that got me the apartment that got me the stability that got me the boyfriend, health, peace, and enjoyment of life.
  
• Do your best to be loving and compassionate towards yourself. You are going through a LOT right now.
  
• I am very spiritual, so this may sound kooky, but hopefully it will resonate. When I was in the car I talked to/called out to my angels and the universe- my dead grandpa, my dead great grandparents who I’d never really known, my dead pets, all my angels, the universe, and all spirits who love, support and protect me. I would tell them what I’m going through (great way to vent), ask them for help from their spiritual realm to open doors for me, to point my attention towards good opportunities, to take care of me as I go through all of this, to be by my side to support me and protect me, etc. I still do this, any time I feel overwhelmed and alone. I’m never alone, the universe has got my back. You are not alone, not even close.
  
  I really hope this is helpful. You will do great things, you will be so proud of yourself! <3

You can find anything online these days. Pinterest has a category just for women's fashion. You can find any tutorial under the sun on YouTube, especially anything to do with skincare, makeup, haircare, hair styling, and fashion. You could even just search YouTube for "look put together". Find a YouTuber whose personal style you enjoy and see what they have to say! There are even personal stylist courses on Udemy for like $10.99.

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If you're starting at ground zero, it may be worth it for you to save up a little bit and be willing to invest that money into yourself. You'll have to decide what's worth "splurging" on and what isn't.

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The basics. Women who always look put together don't skip basic upkeep. The things you need to focus on are going to be specific to you and your body but you need to willing to keep up with these things.

• Skin - Focusing on skincare is more important than being able to do a full face of glam makeup.
  
  • Start with r/SkincareAddiction. There's also r/30PlusSkinCare, they're just don't have as many members.
    
  • The majority of my makeup advice comes from YouTube. I tried visiting Sephora to find recommendations on products or ask advice but haven't had much luck. YMMV.
    
    • You can even search YouTube for makeup dupes to find affordable makeup that performs like some of the higher-end products.
      
  • Don't care for your face but neglect the rest of your body! Exfoliate and moisturize regularly.
    
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• Hair - Focusing on a hairstyle that flatters your face, is easy to maintain and style will make a much bigger difference in your day-to-day life than spending hours trying to perfect a fancy 'do.
  
  • If you know someone who has a hairstyle that you really love, ask them what salon they go to. (If you're comfortable with them, ask what products they use.)
    
  • You may want to consider a salon visit. Make sure the stylist knows your level of comfort with doing your hair, how much time you can commit to doing your hair in the morning and what you're looking for. Ask what they think would look great on you.
    
  • Find two to three basic hairstyles and perfect them, such as having one style when your hair is down, one simple updo (like a bun) and either another updo or a half updo. You're really just looking for something that's going to be a no-fail style that you can quickly (and easily) accomplish yourself.
    
  • If your hair is in need of TLC, make time weekly to pamper yourself. Clarify or use a deep conditioning mask or an oil treatment. Take care of your hair weekly and you'll be rewarded daily with hair that's easier to manage.
    
  • Brows - If your brows are in need of attention, give it to them. If you need to go to a salon to have them shaped, do it once and keep up with them after that.
    
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• Hands/Nails - You cannot look put together with chipped nail polish. I prefer not to wear colored nail polish at all for this very reason. I follow the routine here and only use OPI Nail Envy, which is clear. My hands get very dry so I use O'Keeffe's Working Hands lotion and Badger Cuticle Care. (My cuticles are a mess if I don't give them special treatment, maybe that isn't an issue for you.)
  
  • If your hands and nails are a mess right now, it may be worth it for you to go to a salon and get a BASIC manicure (about $12-15). Once you're all fixed up, use the guide above to care for your hands and nails regularly (weekly, at least).
    
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• Clothing - Focus on classic quality pieces (this does NOT have to mean expensive) that fit well and that you enjoy.
  
  • Launder your clothing according to manufacturer instructions and care for anything that needs attention, such as stray threads or loose buttons.
    
  • Find styles that fit your current body type. YouTube is a great resource, again.
    
  • Getting your clothing tailored is not as expensive as you may think and will make a world of difference. Something as simple as adding a dart to the waist or hemming pants that are just barely too long is going to make a noticeable difference.
    
    • Alternatively, you could hit up YouTube again and learn to do these things yourself on a cheap sewing machine that you can find on Craigslist or at a yard sale.
      
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• Shoes - You don't need a shoe closet to rival the real housewives. A pair of nice flats in black and pair in nude will get you started. A pair of heels in black and a pair in nude are a plus but not if you can't walk in them.
  
  • Keep shoes in good condition. Treat scruffs and watch for excessive wear and tear.
    
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• Accessories - A few simples pieces will get you through.
  
  • Post earrings in silver, gold or "diamond"
    
  • Dangle/drop earrings in either silver or gold
    
  • Simple necklace in silver or gold
    
  • One "statement" necklace in a neutral color to match the majority of your wardrobe. Maybe something like this.
    
  • A simple bracelet, if that's your thing.
    
  • Sunglasses in a neutral color
    
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• je ne sais quoi - Aside from the fact that women who always look put together have taken the time to care for themselves, I think there's another thing that these ladies do that makes a noticeable difference. These ladies know what looks good on them by knowing their skin tone, undertones and season so that they're always choosing clothing, accessories, and makeup that is going to compliment them and enhance their natural beauty. You don't need to hire a personal stylist to get an idea of what's going to look good on you. Try searching "personal style", "find my skin tone", "find my undertone", "what's my season" "how to dress for my body shape". (Sephora can, at the least, do their Pantone Skin IQ reading give you your results and recommendations.)

I had a 3 year long relationship that had some similar hurdles.

We dated from 18-21, but even at 18 he had erectile dysfunction, and he didn't have the best hygiene practices.

We talked about it a lot and eventually, we had a bit of a breakthrough with hygiene.
Instead of me complaining or nagging at him, if I was feeling frisky I would lead him to the shower and I would wash him.
This is a wonderfully intimate practice, and it helps you open up to each other's bodies.

Even now, at 28, with a husband that travels all the time, I'll have gorgeous lingerie on when I get him from the airport, but he's funky after a day of travel, so we'll get in the shower while I'm still in lingerie, and I'll wash him and initiate sex while we're in the shower together.

That could be a workable option for you guys, it'll open up your intimacy and help with the hygiene, as he'll subconsciously also begin to associate cleanliness, showering and the overall sensations with arousal and this will likely result in him being more hygienic overall.

As far as his quick ejaculation, men tend to be very sensitive about this, and believe it's incurable, when the reality is that it must be worked through.
Given that he has had very few partners, and he does this, it's likely there's never been an opportunity to learn to build up tolerance before ejaculation.
There are numbing lubricants that can help with this as well.
But ultimately, the best way to build resistance to finishing too quickly is to practice being physical and intimate without bringing him to completion.
Using your hands, mouth, toys.

Have him pleasure you with a toy while you stroke him or give him oral, this way you'll get satisfaction and you can manipulate when he is allowed to ejaculate.

The best toy I have ever used is the hitachi wand with variable speed control, you can also get a ton of different attachments for it, so there are many different options to try and find what you enjoy the most.

I would assume he will enjoy seeing you aroused and enjoy being a part of it, and you can work together to get you to finishing, then maybe you can mount him to have him finish inside of you.

There are so many remedies for these issues and I hope you find some things that work for you to help heal your marriage and build your intimacy together.

Feel free to PM me if you have any more questions. I wish you all the best.

I would also recommend the book ‘Bobbi Brown: Teenage Beauty’ it is beautifully written for young girls and truly helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin during my pre-teen & teen years.

https://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Teenage-Beauty-Everything/dp/0060957247

— ‘Your teen years are the most emotionally charged of your life. Your body's developing at a rapid pace, your skin changes from day to day, and your hormones are raging (in case you didn't notice). Everything in your life is in total flux. Bobbi's mission is to help boost your self-esteem and confidence. By listening to Bobbi's straightforward and useful beauty principles, you'll gain a sense of control over your body, your looks, and your life. Bobbi's hip, no-nonsense, and timeless advice covers such real teen problems and issues as:

Zits! - Being Overweight - Braces - Beauty School 101 Eight Simple Steps to a Pretty, Natural Makeup Look - Preteen Basics - Prom Beauty - Global Beauty - Mother-Daughter Beauty - Rock 'n' Roll Babes: Hip Beauty Style - Go for It: Experimental Beauty

Written with sensitivity to help you navigate the difficult self-image issues that you face, Bobbi Brown Teenage Beauty empowers you to discover and celebrate your own unique, natural beauty. This fresh and honest makeup guide is your ultimate source for advice, tips, and lessons for achieving beauty inside and out.’

PS: You’re during a really good job!

If you can afford it, please purchase yourself a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves. It has almost everything a young woman needs to know, from safe sex practices, masturbation, hygiene, relationships, etc. I was given a copy as a going to college gift when I was 18 and it honestly was the best thing in the world.

But the short answer: of course condoms! But please engage in sex with a partner you trust with your health. Someone who respects your desire for safe and consensual sex. Maybe you both get STD checks first and always, always use a condom.

From my experience the best sex is with someone you can feel relaxed with because you trust them. You can laugh and feel good and not worry about compromising your health. Practicing safe sex also frees you from worrying about pregnancy and other stuff, so just always be safe. Love yourself and have fun!

So... I was that guy.

It's somewhat painful to think about how much of a lazy ass-hat I was. I went through several relationships, roommates, jobs, and residences before eventually getting my shit together. Even now (in my 30s), I haven't fully shaken off the 1.0 Beta Version of myself.

I'm not sure what 18 year old me needed to kick my ass into shape, but I can tell you this: no one can change you but yourself. You're not going to be able to change him. He needs to value hustle and grit and tenacity. If you care about him, leave him. He is not in a good place to be in a relationship. His relationships are likely based on the ease and convenience of those relationships. For example, his parents giving him money when he could get a job, you travelling to him, living at home; these are all out of convenience. Ask yourself about his friendships and how he interacts with people. How convenient/easy/effortless are his relationships?

This dude needs to learn that working for things is important. Effort is important. If he wanted you, he would do the work necessary to keep you. His laziness likely stems from fear of failure and fear of success, as well as his parents coddling him.

Leave him, but might I suggest, you also leave him with some suggested reading material:

Grit by Angela Duckworth

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Outliers, The Tipping Point, Blink, David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

Last, but certainly not least: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski - This one isn't so much for him as it is for anyone he dates in the future. This book discusses female sexuality, anatomy, and sex drive. It has helped me get laid with the wife a BUNCH.

I don't know if it is just growing up and maturing, but I can not emphasize enough how much these books have changed my life. These books have kicked me in the ass and made me a better man. My wife also played a major role in kicking my ass into gear, but we got married young and we were basically forced to make it work if we didn't want to get divorced, so I do not suggest staying with him to "fix him". He's got a ton of work to do on himself. You seem like you've got your shit well enough together, so don't tie yourself to a weight that heavy. It will hold you back and drag you down. It will get worse before it gets better. You can absolutely find someone who makes you happy and who contributes to the relationship. I've been married for 11 years, with 4 kids, and both my wife and I are pursuing our passions (I also happen to be a musician/creative type), while holding down full time jobs. We are madly in love, she is my best friend, and I am forever grateful for the work she put in to help me along.

Hell, just have him read this:

Bruh. I was you. Things seem to take so much effort, don't they? You probably have visions of yourself making music for a living, right? Record deals, and stage lights, and recording in fancy studios, right? Well, guess what? It's absolutely possible to make that happen. But you need to work for it. If something is worth wanting, it is worth working for. If you aren't really working for it, do you really want it? You need to make small steps toward an ultimate goal that you want to pursue and stick to it. By 28 years old, you could have a record deal. You could be touring. You could win a Grammy. I'm not kidding. You could if you hit the ground hard, right now, and start kicking your own ass. Get up and move or you're going to be in your 30's just starting to pursue your passions and you'll feel like you've wasted so much goddamn time.

I wish you both the best of luck. I hope this helps.

If someone wants you to change fundamental aspects of your personality and appearance in order to be acceptable to them as a partner, you aren't compatible. Don't force it. I got a piece of advice before I was married (forget where--maybe the pre-marital counselor): Look at your partner. Know that it is entirely possible they will never change. They may, but it's not guaranteed and you can't force it. Will you take this person to be your partner, now, with all their flaws, and not plan on changing them later? Love them for who they are?

I suppose in a way it's good that he's telling you this now, rather than trying to change you after a wedding. He's being clear that you, as is? Aren't what he's looking for. You can either go to therapy and the gym to change who you are for this person, and hope that's all on his list of your shortcomings, or send him on his way so he can find someone who already fits his checklist. (NO shame in a checklist, I had one for a partner, but not as an ultimatum list--more like a checklist for potential dates!)

That's not a judgment of you and your worth. High five for a fellow introvert who saves the emotional demonstrations for close family and friends, and works in the garden instead of the gym! You are fine as you are, and there is someone out there for you who also doesn't enjoy crowds, will think you're an awesome mom to your kids, and won't dictate how you should be spending your free time. Who will love your body the way it is, or figure out a way to keep fit with you instead.


I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Its-Called-Breakup-Because-Broken/dp/0767921968

It saved me from an abusive relationship and helped me stand firm in my own worth. Easy, fast read that will change your life.

1. Get a massage bar or massage candle. Both work pretty much the same. When heated up (by massaging into someone or lighting the candle) they make thing smell amazing and provide some lovely oils to pamper the skin and make massaging smoother.
   
   
2. Have food. I feel like most people forget this one, but having a wonderful meal/snacks just provided to you with no effort on your part is SO NICE. Doesn't have to be fancy or elaborate. Doesn't have to be home-cooked. Just needs to be something she'll enjoy. Maybe a favorite she missed while being away.
   
   
3. Being warm is nice. There are many ways to accomplish this. Cozy blankets, hot beverages, bubble bath, sauna, the choice is yours!
   
   
4. Personally I much prefer cooperative pampering to just being sent off on my own. Like, having a partner paint my toes is infinitely more fun than being sent away to have someone do it. Even if its more professional, it's about spending time together in a relaxing way where I'm the center of attention.
   
   
5. Maybe have some "together" things that aren't super interactive. Like watching a movie or show together that she really enjoys. If she's been away on a trip she might be pretty drained and doesn't really want to have to provide a lot of social effort, but will be happy to just be next to you.

There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but there's one thing I'd like to add. You mentioned foreplay and sex, as though they're separate. The purpose of oral and fingering/hand stuff is not to get her vagina ready for a penis, it's to feel good. Because it's sex as well. PIV (penis in vagina) sex is not the only thing that counts as "real sex", ANY genital contact is sex. Oral sex is sex. Using your hands to get each other off is sex.



Since PIV is hurting her, maybe don't do it for a while. Have sex for awhile using just your hands and mouth, figure out how to make each other relax and orgasm, then, when you feel like you both are 100% comfortable and in tune with each other's bodies, THEN try PIV again.



Also, buy a body wand. This one is $31 and body safe waterproof silicone. Sex with a vibrator is so rad. It can feel good for both of you, like once you two are having comfortable PIV sex, having her hold a vibrator on her clitoris during PIV is a game changer (my gf and I use a strap on but it's a similar act lol), and it feels good for both people.

I've worked for a retail jeweler for years in the past. Just walk into a jeweler and ask them to clean it, they will clean it free. When I was working there our main idea to keep people in the store to try and sell something was to offer to clean all the jewelry they had on and while they sit in the machine cleaning we would offer our help. But you dont have to be helped if you just want it cleaned.

Get on Amazon and buy some Gemoro cleaner. Or buy a machine, it shocks all the dirt and crud off here is a cheap one that will work, or give you an idea of what you want, if you want to do it at home. Just let it sit in machine for a minute to a couple mins depending on how dirty it is. But if you buy the machine please buy the cleaner chemicals to go with it so it will clean properly. You mix the chemicals with water based on the chemical brands instructions. Be sure to do some googling on what stones and metals can go into those machines. Stones like opal are precious, soft stones, that should not be placed in those machines. A lot of birthstones shouldnt be placed in those machines. They will discolor them and ruin them.

Edit: If its diamonds and real gold wear it whenever you want. The only thing that will degrade is the gold. But you can "re-dip" the gold whenever it starts to degrade or discolor. White gold will become more "matte" or not as shiny. When it comes to that just spend 25-40 bucks on dipping it. Yellow gold will start to turn into a white gold color, so dip it then. With yellow gold there is silver metals mixed into it so that's why itll turn white-ish after a while.

I hope this helps you. I recommended the machine incase you dont want to be hassled in the jewelry store, they're ruthless because sales are low 98 percent of the year. I recommend going to a local jeweler because you're helping your local community jeweler stay in business and they wont bombard you like retail will, like with credit card applications and all the bs. Good luck and congratulations!

Edit 2: Also, if its gold and diamonds, dont be so tough on yourself. Just was your hands in public with the ring on. Dont risk loosing it or forgetting it because you hear people say it messes the ring up or whatever cause of soap. It really wont mess it up like that. Just take it off when you put on lotion, sunscreen, etc.

I've been to Jamaica a couple of times and I'm sure you'll see there are going to be all types of body types wearing bikinis and showing skin on the beach. Not saying you need to wear a bikini, but just saying you won't be the only one rocking love handles and bellies.

I'm a thicker girl and I found this high waisted bikini https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LYZRUPD/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 to be SUPER flattering.

As far as things to wear for going out at night.....maybe consider some cute summer dresses? Those tend to be flowy and flattering.


Try not to overthink it too much. Its unlikely anyone will be judging you based on what you're wearing. You'll be on vacation.....try and relax and enjoy yourself!

Wow, that's all the professional advice your doc could give? D:
Let me tell you, I used to have issues where whenever I'd get sick, my vayenya would be the first to act up. If that happened, I would immediately cut back on carbs and sugar as /u/leesebro said. But there's also a magic weapon: coconut oil.
After you shower, try applying some coconut oil in and around your vulva. (might be good to put some on your anus too, I've never tried it but I don't see why it wouldnt help with relief). I've heard of people soaking their tampons in coconut oil and popping it in for a few hours, but I've never done it that way, and I'm not sure how long you need to do it. But I can almost promise you that if it doesn't clear it up, it will at least give you significant relief. And best of all, its natural and cheap! No stupid chems.

Since this has been plaquing you for a few years, I'd def suggest drinking lots of water and getting a good live culture probiotic. Not all probiotics do the job right, but that one I linked has helped me have a happy, healthy vajin.

I am no doctor by any means. But you asked how to deal, and that's how I dealt and put that nonsense behind me. Feel free to pm me too about if you want :)

edit: ugh! sorry but your husband sounds like a bag of dicks. Its hard enough for you to deal with that, he should be your #1 supporter while you work through this. When you get better (and you will!) I hope you make sex with him on your terms.