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• I can second the video diary. Just start talking, no censure. If it helps, you can watch it back and make another video diary about what you observed about yourself. This can help getting closer to your emotions, by taking some distance.
  
• also the writing helps for me (mindmap all my thoughts and worries/ write out what happened and rescript it into something less intense/ writing a story and see what comes out, what your characters are going through, likely has something to do with how you feel.)
  
• music (EMDR music can help unleash emotions)
  
• The Emotion Thesaurus (a book for writers, but very useful for understanding emotions and what goes with it.)
  
• check if the emotion is due to sensory overload/mental overload/social overload/physical overload/emotional overload. Sometimes managing your energy on these things can help calm you down, without needing to cry. Basically, get out of overload situation.
  
• emotion cards (I use these and the recommended “often bought together”. I go through them and see which ones “speak to me” and answer the questions on the back. The affirmations can be a little vague and have a tendency to tell you to “move on”, but in our case it’s better to take a moment to reflect and make sure the sensations get a chance to be “heard”, because they will just continue to build up if you move on too quickly. You can also add your own affirmations/ helpful quotes if the provided ones don’t help/don’t ring true.
  
• if you do know there are emotions, but can’t seem to grant them the light of day, then this helped me in the beginning: I anthropomorphise my emotions and rational thoughts into the eldest sisters Dashwood from “Sense and Sensibility”. Elinor = rational thought, Marianne = emotions and impulsive action. The only way for them to get along, really, is to accept each other. So I make them talk to each other. For example a simplified version: Elinor; “we need to do this list of things.” Marianne; “but I don’t want to, I feel so tired and I’m grieving. Let me be!” Elinor: “I understand that you feel sad, but we need to do these things. How about we take a nap first and then we get a few things accomplished and then we can sit down and cry for a bit, or talk about it if that helps?” Marianne: “Fine! But I don’t like it!” Elinor: “I know, I don’t either. Thank you for helping me though.” Marianne: “Whatever...”
  
• using some creative medium (clay/ drawing/ singing/ music/ painting/ woodwork/ etc) to express what you feel. Without thinking too much about it (put on some music or something), start creating. It doesn’t have to be nice or beautiful or even meaningful. Sometimes just doing something creative/ with your hands can get you started. Then the emotion has an outlet, either because you created something to express it, or because the emotion comes out as a consequence. Don’t focus on the result, focus on the process of how it feels to do these things.
  
  This problem is a focus area for me, because it hinders my functioning a lot. So I’ve been trying a lot of these things. Some help, some don’t, hopefully something here, will help you out. Good luck :)

> I don't want a diagnosis via internet forum, but does it make sense to go against my therapist (who won't ever diagnose me with Asperger's because I can communicate OK with him one-on-one) and pursue a diagnosis from a specialist?

Yes, it absolutely makes sense. I've seen so many reports from others who have been in a similar situation, diagnosed multiple times with various conditions, with the possibility of Asperger's/autism repeatedly dismissed on superficial grounds, as if the mind isn't full of layers, many of which are hidden beneath the surface.

> Could it be that I flew under the radar for so long?

Indeed. Especially as a woman, there's a strong bias to attribute your behaviors and qualities to anything other than Asperger's. This bias exists both in general culture (for example, hormones are used to explain away so many female behaviors without any real consideration) and in the culture of the mental health profession (largely due to the original research decades ago focusing on male children, almost completely ignoring both females of any age and adults of any gender).

I'm a male myself, but it wasn't until recently, when the profession started to wake up to the possibility of Asperger's being just as prevalent in women as it is in men, that I started finding resources that I really connected with. Thus, I suspected I had Asperger's when I was 24, but it was only once I was 32 and revisited the subject that I found all the stories by other "under-the-radar" aspies, many of them women, and could truly connect with those experiences, learning from them and learning about myself more deeply. I certainly have some male stereotypes too, but the stereotypes have done a lot of harm, causing many people to go unrecognized for so long.

> And does anyone have tips for pursuing a diagnosis?

I just got done reading the book I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults, and I think it could be a useful read for you. Some of the details of the middle chapters are US-specific, so their usefulness will depend upon your location, as the diagnosis process differs quite a bit throughout the world. It's also a quick read. (I should have gotten this book a while ago; I had read the author's second book on the subject, Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate, over a year ago and loved it, as well as many articles on her blog Musings of an Aspie, and her first book indeed had the same quality.)

A somewhat longer book which I'd also recommend, with more of a focus on the reflective and emotional side of the diagnostic process, and less on the concrete details, is Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder): How Seeking a Diagnosis in Adulthood Can Change Your Life.

I'd also recommend considering finding a therapist/counselor who specializes in adult Asperger's/ASD, without necessarily focusing on an official diagnosis, at least in the short term. If you can relate to the experiences shared by adult aspies, and you feel like you are obtaining deeper self-understanding and highly applicable advice from books and online, it only stands to reason that you could find similar help from a counselor who is willing to approach your situation from that angle. I found a great counselor by very cautiously reading through the descriptions on the Psychology Today therapist search page. Might've gotten a little lucky that my first pick was a good pick, but it worked for me. Also, insurance might complicate this; I paid out of pocket, so I was free to go wherever for whatever reason.

So yeah, that's the essence of my advice: Self-directed research through books, blogs, and online communities, a sympathetic counselor regardless of current diagnostic status, and plenty of time and space for introspection. Also, be liberal with the self-love; when a person internalizes the perceived expectations of the society around them and feels like they are always failing to satisfy those expectations, it can be brutally debilitating, and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Learning how to wisely choose and live by my own expectations was one of the best things I've ever done.

These are both on my radar to try out!

I like weighted blankets, but often I like my legs to be free, and sometimes my arms. So a weighted vest seems a good idea to me.

I am leaning towards buying a sort-of weighted apron: "The Hug w/ Minky Cover" prototype from Huglife (I hope it takes off, as I'd love to see it in different color, fabric, and weight options - it's marketed as a general deep pressure comforter rather than to ASD in particular, so might be too light for my preference). Also expensive!:

https://www.shophuglife.com/

Alternative similar product "The Relaxer" is a bit cheaper and customizable in weight albeit still lacking the range of designs/fabrics that weighted blanket suppliers can offer:

https://www.therapro.com/The-Relaxer.html

My motivation for a weighted toy is that I enjoy the pressure sensation of my cat lying on me, but that's only on her agenda, so a weighted toy I can use any time. I also am considering a weighted cushion, as then she could just sit on it as well - I worry about her feeling left out if her spot is replaced with a toy, she already sits happily atop a large square feather cushion (not-weighted). The issue with weighted toys is they are often marketed at kids so they might not be weighty enough for me! I quite like the idea of a weighted turtle, such as these:

https://sistersensory.com.au/product/weighted-turtle-3/

https://www.sensoryoasisforkids.com.au/shop/sensory/deep-pressure/weighted-turtle/

I quite like this turtle shaped blanket (sadly much too light)

https://www.amazon.com/Turtle-Shaped-Weighted-Blanket-4lb/dp/B013PUXI8C


With the prices of weighted products, I wish I had developed a special interest in needlecraft!

Hey Judo, without sounding like a shill; I would go to r/abrathatfits. They have a nifty calculator that is super helpful in determining your size. I thought I was a 36 C for years...turns out I'm actually a 30F (sister size is 32E). It's honestly amazing how different and how much more comfortable a properly fitted bra is. As far as shopping options go, maybe you could try a traditional bra from Amazon if you like that silhouette? They can definitely be pricy but relatively easy returns. Her Room is good when they have a sale but I've heard returns aren't always easy so ymmv. But if sports bras are the way you wanna go, there is a really good crossover maternity bra on Amazon that you may wanna check out. I'm not pregnant or nursing but I love it because it's super comfy. There is an organic cotton/spandex variant (fits B-G cups). But if that ends up not being in your size range they also have a French Terry variant (fits B-I cups) that comes in a racer back style or a scoop back style. Hope this novella may help and good luck bra shopping!

Oh My, I had forgotten this thread. Let me reply anyway!

Improve your Social Skills
This book is written by a man with Aspergers. It has a lot of useful advice. Needless to say, as I'm forgetful and absent minded, I used a highlighter a lot!

What Every Body is Saying
It contains a lot of info on body language, and I have found it helpful. There are some tips to come across more confident. You can also check videos on the web.


How to Talk to Kids So Kids will Listen
Don't misjudge the book! It may seem as not suitable for adults. But it contains a lot of tips that can help improve adult on adult relationships. There are some parts that talk about how we deny people their right to experience a certain feeling. For example :
Person a: My dog died. I'm so sad.
Person b: Oh, but cheer up! you'll have other dogs in the future! don't dwell on it, it's no use! vs.
Person b: I see. It must be tough. You really cared about your dog.

It really makes you ponder.

And of course the most well known books, "how to win friends and influence people", etc. I have been also looking for books on how to hold a conversation, but haven't had much luck yet.

sorry for the late reply

Best of luck!

29, female. I'm in the southeastern corner of the United States. Currently in professional school so that takes up a lot of my time. However, when I do have free time, I like to play video games. Currently I'm into Stardew Valley and Pokemon Go, but I've played games from the Assassin's Creed, Fallout, Elder Scrolls, Fable, and Bioshock series'. Favorite movie ever is What Dreams May Come. I like it mostly for it's art direction. I've also been watching Lucifer and Parks and Recreations recently. I've seen most Star Trek episodes except for stuff made in the last 5 years, the original series, and Enterprise. I binge watch a lot of Netflix shows and have finished House MD, Futurama, Black Mirror, Mad Men, Altered Carbon, Sense8, Sherlock, Travelers... I also watch a lot of YouTubers such as Jenna Marbles, Steph0sims, Marlene McCohen, Gloom...

As you can see, I game and watch things way too much, so I'm trying to branch out into jogging, hamster taming, and putting together this adorable dollhouse kit: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BM91TS7/ref=twister_B07QGRXNRC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I'm looking mostly for platonic company. However, if we can help each other get out of our own heads, that's a definite plus. It's so hard to find like-minded people like me. Looking forward to making new friends!

Congratulations on your self-discovery! It is a wonderful feeling :)

I process feelings and decisions through research too :D It's a great satisfaction to be able to name, describe, and understand how something works (including myself).

I especially enjoyed Women From Another Planet and wish there were more like it.

And there are all sorts of tests, like the faux pas test, reading a story, arranging blocks (no clue what that is supposed to show), and things that seem like silly games. Those are the basic ones. For a more complex assessment, which you only sometimes get here, there are more sophisticated ones, which can tell you about your cognitive profile - it's common to have an uneven spread of abilities with ASD. It sounds to me like Cynthia Kim's book might be useful for you: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Might-Autistic-Diagnosis-Self-Discovery/dp/0989597113/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

She is American and her blog is Musings of an Aspie, also very good. I haven't read the book but she is great, a very thoughtful, late diagnosed woman. Even the preview part of the book is quite illuminating in helping to see what the ASD criteria translate to in real life.

I'm so very sorry that she's going through such a difficult time :( I can't imagine the pain you must feel as a mother seeing this happen, wanting to help but not knowing how.

Does she have any interest in art or writing? A lot of people who have trouble expressing themselves or dealing with pain can find an outlet in an art form. Art therapy is a specific option, but just regular art expression is very therapeutic and helped me cope with my own pain.

Art activity can also lead to finding an art community, and really, a connection to people who share a passion is the most important thing for her to find, whatever that passion is.

Anxiety medication did wonders for me, as did running regularly (despite being the opposite of athletic). I also find a lot of comfort in reading about other's experiences, because it helps the lingering loneliness of being misunderstood. Women From Another Planet was especially good, and there's many similar books on Amazon too.

One thing I wish I could have done at that age was start taking adult level classes in my areas of passion, like at a community college.

I'm really sensitive when it comes to bras. No underwire, no clasps, no adjustable bits. I can't do any of it. Which is like... all of a bra lol. What I've found that works best for me is the Hanes Bandini Bra. It's the closest to a regular bra that I've found that fits me comfortably. I would also recommend the Boody Ecowear Bra. A little more like a sports bra, but insanely comfortable imo.

These aren't going to suit everyone, but I do like to recommend them.

I only have the Kindle preview of a book called 'Spectrum Women', but I like what I've read so far of it and it's quite a generous preview. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Spectrum-Women-Walking-Beat-Autism/dp/1785924346

I have read the Cynthia Kim book and a few Sarah Hendrickx books. I like them!

I really like Sam Craft. She is autistic with an autistic son. She does a lot of blog work and has a lot of resources on the site she's with. She also wrote a book that is really good! I'll put the link to her original blog, the site she now runs with others and her book on Amazon.

Many things that I struggled with after getting my dx, Sam covered somewhere on her blog. I spent days reading her articles. Hopefully, they help in some way for you!

​

https://everydayaspergers.com/tag/samantha-craft/

https://the-art-of-autism.com/ (All the contributors on this site are on the autism spectrum :) )

https://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Aspergers-Samantha-Craft/dp/1610058054?ie=UTF8&%2AVersion%2A=1&%2Aentries%2A=0

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No. The place I went kinda sucked actually. They seemed totally unprepared. The first appointment I showed up and the provider I was supposed to see wasn't even there and they ended up doing my intake with some other provider who happened to be free but didn't know anything about it. They weren't very prepared themselves, so they sure didn't prepare me.

I prepared myself by reading a book that I thought was pretty helpful. The book has a checklist of possible symptoms, and I had gone through and marked which ones I felt like applied to me and put some notes about how. I ended up reading off this list for the provider.

You're not clingy. You just have a lot of emotional stuff to deal with and only one person to unload to. He may be your boyfriend, but he can't be your only friend. That's not healthy. Read this, make more friends. It worked for me.

Oh man, good on you for giving that kitten an escape. There's a book on my Amazon wishlist, All cats have Asperger's Syndrome that I want to read because I've always had animals growing up and I absolutely believe that's true. Even the most social cats and kittens need some time away from people, and being tugged at and in a loud environment (screaming) would have probably scared the poor thing to death...


Good job!

https://www.amazon.com/RoyAroma-Aromatherapy-Essential-Adjustable-Stainless/dp/B01LC9YK0I/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_194_tr_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&refRID=WGH5R34WDC9P33H922FX&th=1

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This is a great necklace. it comes with different pads for different oils. I wear it all the time and just pull it up to my nose when i need to take a deep breath and relax.

Well said, I just had a similar thought upon reading a long reply on my cat question ('why are we obsessed with cats') that I just posted on this sub inspired by this post and comment. It made me think of exactly this - NTs are like dogs and we are like cats - and then I saw your comment!

The book is in many places, for example here https://www.amazon.co.uk/All-Cats-Have-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843104814 But yeah, I need to order it too when I get £££, and I can't believe I first heard about it a few years back and still haven't actually ordered it.

I like Cynthia Kim's blog, Musing of an Aspie. I haven't read her first book - I Think I might be Austistic - but most materials were taken from her blog, I like her casual narrating style. She has a second book out soon so I will be watching out for that.

Diagnosed 40+ and still getting the hang of it. It gets better. This book is extremely helpful: Improve Your Social Skills.

Are you allowed to wear tin cans at school? These Sony are about the best you can get for under $100: https://www.amazon.com/Sony-Wireless-Bluetooth-Cancelling-Headphones/dp/B07CNTBMNY/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=sony+noise+cancelling&qid=1556157126&refinements=p_36%3A1253505011&rnid=386442011&s=electronics&sr=1-4

>N-acetylcysteine

Yeah, it's a over the counter antioxidant pill. I take two daily. It's really easy to find research about online.
https://www.amazon.com/NOW-NAC-600-250-Capsules/dp/B0013OUQ3S?th=1

Maybe get a weighted blanket and a bed fan? https://www.amazon.com/Cooling-Under-Sheets-Night-Sweats/dp/B07JZ2NZBY I TOTALLY want one of these. I feel like ALL THE BLANKETS plus this would give me my best ever sleep. I don't have a weighted blanket yet but I'm going to get one at some point, 100%.

link for the curious.
I was gifted this book and it's really cute and wholesome.