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So, now that I've had coffee....

Good morning. I hope you're feeling a little bit better.

With your daughter - at about 2.5, my boys both started to protest naps. My solution was to stop calling it nap time. I let them pick 1 book and 1 quiet toy from the playroom and take them to the bedroom (normally, no toys in bedroom). Then they had "quiet time." I usually told them it was only for a half hour, but tbh, I lied. 95% of the time, they fell asleep within 10 minutes, and slept for their full nap. The other 5%, they'd play quietly for an hour or so. I put one of these locks on the door, which keeps it open a crack. Note that at first, they came to the crack every 5 minutes to ask if they could come out yet - I had to be super consistent that "no, the timer hasn't gone off (because I didn't set it), they had to play quietly until the timer said that quiet time was over."

As to the no breaks / burned out. Like I said, I've been there. Military life is hard on families, and transitioning out isn't much better. Some things to keep in mind:

1. Just because it's your job doesn't mean you don't get breaks. My husband works in an office. That doesn't mean he works 24-7-365. He gets evenings off, weekends, he gets vacation days and sick days. So, I too deserve time off, sick days, vacation days, etc. I don't get a lot, but I do get some. I find it easier to schedule it in advance, so here's what my husband and I worked out (and by worked out, I mean I informed him of what I needed, and let him pick the day): I get a babysitter to watch the kids from 1-4 on Tuesday. This is when I usually go to therapy, but it's also my time to do whatever I want. He is on kid duty Thursday evening. Dinner, bath, bedtime, the whole thing - from the moment he gets home, I'm "off the clock." I usually go hide in our bathroom and take a bath with a book, but if they're being particularly loud or if the baby is crying, I leave the house. On weekends, each one of us gets one morning off. So Saturday is his day to get up when they get up and get their damn cereal, while I get to linger in bed. Sunday is his day, and I get up with the kids.
   One afternoon, one evening, and one morning to "sleep in" till 8. It's not a lot, objectively, but it makes a huge difference.
   
   
2. Reconsider the religious preschools. Even when they have "chapel" the messages are usually just basic bible stories that (imho) everyone, whether religious or atheist, should know. Things like Noah, that get referenced in popular literature. If they do push a message, it's things like "God loves you" or "God wants us to be nice to our friends." Sending your kid to preschool is NOT getting someone else to do your work for you, it's giving yourself a desperately needed break so that you're a better mom the other 99% of the time, and it's exposing your daughter to all kinds of things that you can't teach her at home, like listening to adults other than you, socializing with her peers, taking turns and sharing, etc.
   If you still decide that's not for you, look into a YMCA membership. You can probably get a military discount if either one of you still has your ID. Some advantages: great beginning swim lessons for your daughter, workouts for you (once you start to feel better), and best yet - 2 hours per day of child care included with your membership. Your daughter gets to practice all those social skills and play with new toys... you get to drink a cup of coffee and browse reddit in peace (or, I suppose, time to workout, but I always just read).
   
   
3. Most of the military men I know do better with specifics. That's why my list of "time off" was so carefully written out - instead of just saying "I need a break" I said "I need one afternoon, one evening, and one morning each week." We took the same tactic with our relationship. If you think of your relationship like a bank account, military life has a way of making tons of withdrawals (tdy, pcs) plus life in general (career change, childbirth, your BiL's death)... your relationship account sounds like it's running low. So we came up with a list of things that make deposits, again being very specific. Our list looks like this:
   
   

• sex twice a week
  
  
• date night once a month (even if it's just microwave popcorn and netflix)
  
  
• family outing once a month (park, zoo, pool, fly a kite in the backyard, pet puppies at the humane society, whatever)
  
  
• something special on mother/father's day, birthdays, valentine's day, anniversary, and christmas. Doesn't have to be expensive, could be coffee in bed or look I made your favorite dinner.
  
  
• one hour of family play time once a week. For us, it's board games, but with younger kids it could be build a pillow fort or play dress up. Just as long as both parents and the kids are all playing together.
  
  Our list has 8-10 items on it, but that gives you an idea. We've been doing it for 2 months now, and honestly, it's starting to help. We're feeling more connected and closer, and I feel like he's actually getting to re-know me, and get to know our kids for the first time. Our kids are getting more comfortable with him too.
  

My daughter was into Tinkerbell for hot second when she was about two, but she's just never cared for it after that - matter of fact, she isn't into any licensed characters at all - score - because the clothes and toys and stuff are super expensive and crappy. She does have two brothers who are into Star Wars and superheroes but she never got into that stuff either.

But I definitely made room for her to be interested in them if she wanted to. It IS about choice and I agree, your parents went a bit too far, and agree with everyone else about letting her choose and stressing the good the princesses do.

That said, Moana is my favorite princess, because she's a badass, the movie isn't about her falling in love with some prince, and the music ROCKS, lol. Has she seen that one? To me it's the best 'feminist' Disney movie.

There's a great book called Cinderella Ate My Daughter that's about EXACTLY what you're talking about, a mom who considered herself such a feminist and how her daughter got into all the princess stuff. It's so good. The audio book is amazing. I highly recommend it!

Also she has an amazing book to read maybe when your daughter is older called Girls and Sex which is such a positive, feminist slant on talking to girls about sex.

You're welcome. Glad to have helped. A book that I found helpful was The Late Talker
http://www.amazon.com/The-Late-Talker-Child-Talking/dp/0312309244

It is NOT a replacement for speech therapy with a real speech therapist, but it does have some helpful suggestions in it. (these are some I remember from the book and my daughter's therapists) Have your child drink through a straw to help build up mouth muscles - especially long curly straws. Milkshakes are good because they're nice and thick (but just a regular straw - they're too thick for curly straws) Try to get your child to make noises when playing - making animal noises together is fun. The Fisher Price Little People barn with the different animals is good for this - Plus if your older child plays with this with you and the younger one, he can pick up and move animals and people around and maybe it'll help some of his fine motor skills.

Also, try to have a matter of fact but upbeat attitude about this. Act like it's perfectly normal for kids to get help with stuff (because it is!) and that you are sure that your children will master these skills because they're doing this. I know it can be REALLY hard to act like everything will be fine when you're stressed. My younger one also had trouble learning to read and that was really stressful, but we got her help and she's doing well now and also loves to read.

You are not crazy, selfish, or mean. I'd be hella stressed right now, too. I agree with a ton of the advice here, particularly about who they're really angry at. It doesn't make it easier on you, but I agree that it's probably more about their son. I also like the list of boundaries someone else suggested.

I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but if you have a moment, could you explain this a bit more:

>thinking that my children need a dad or that a sperm donor is a dad is homophobic.

Is this just a matter of semantics here? ("Dad"= involved and present male figure involved in day to day care of children) My 4yo has been asking a ton about where babies come from and how babies are made. Among others, I like this book, What Makes a Baby? because it talks about how some people have different parts in their bodies necessary to make a baby and some don't, and it models all sorts of families in the illustrations. But egg and sperm are still part of the explanation. I want to give him fact-based information, and it never occurred to me that it might be homophobic to explain that babies are made from an egg cell (from a woman) and a sperm cell (from a man) and they grow into a baby in a uterus (in a woman). And some babies have families with two parents, some with one, some with grandparents, some with two moms, some with two dads, etc. So I guess my question is, is there a particular phrasing for this that is better or worse? Because the fact is your babies have a biological father and mother because they were made from sperm and egg(s), even if their family has two moms. And if my 4yo was asking about it, I'd probably say something like, "Cousin gave his sperm and mom gave her egg and OP gave her uterus to grow the babies. And OP and mom are their two mommies." Is there a better way to phrase that? Thanks!

And good luck with he crazy...it's really big of you to make the effort. With any luck, you all can come to a place of peace with this before your girls are old enough to be aware of the drama.

It's more about connecting - walking and connecting. Talking and bonding. Marriage takes work. Sadly, no one can hide behind kids and expect a relationship to work. You both have to be up for it too.

I strongly encourage you to checkout out John Gottman's "7 principals of successful marriage" (or some title similar. I'm on mobile but that book is popular and amazing and worth reading even if it's 20 years old) "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" If you check on www.overdrive.com your library may let you check out a digital copy of it, which is how I read it - hunched over my phone while my kid crawled all over me.

They studied marriages of all kinds and his group truly gets what makes a marriage work. I read it. Husband read it. We discussed. It helped soooooo much!

Most of all - you don't have to be alone or hide. You can be open and trust someone to help you. You can let him have that opportunity and hopefully he's the type who will take advantage of your openness and respond in kind.

How do you want your marriage to look if it were perfect? What are you willing to do to get from here to there?

There is a book called Expecting Better that is precisely about this. It does not tell you what to do or what not to do. It tells you just HOW SAFE (or to put it another way, how risky) certain behaviors are during pregnancy, so that YOU can decide where your personal line comes in. It's written by a woman who works with statistics and analysis who was basically stunned by how unfounded all the advice she got during her pregnancy was - like how nobody could quantify or even elaborate on the risks they were asserting, etc, so she examined basically all the studies on all these things from all the freaking countries in the world that have ever done studies, and analyzed them as she would other statistical data, and she shares her findings. Sometimes she also shares her personal conclusions - what she does with those findings - but she always emphasizes that her conclusions are personal and that yours, even working with the exact same data, may vary and that's okay.

Fuck "better safe than sorry." I ate pretty much anything I wanted when pregnant - deli meat, sushi, etc. I had some beer here and there as well. I drank coffee and slept in whatever position I wanted to sleep in and I gained as much weight as my body seemed to want to without ever giving a fuck, whether it was a week where I was told I gained "too little" or a week where I was told I gained "too much." These were my personal decisions and they may not be the right decisions for everybody. But they were mine and I felt confident making them because I had 100000% more knowledge of the actual research and facts on any of these topics than any random fuck who gasped, "Don't eat that deli sandwich!!! You're pregnant!"

By far the most controversial part of the book is her analysis of drinking studies. It gets crazy down votes and bad reviews for that and I understand why. But even if you disagree with her personal conclusions on the topic, the rest of the book is pretty good - definitely a solid read for a rare injection of sanity.

I have a book I'd like you to read. It's called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It was suggested to me by my ex's therapist, when I joined him in a therapy session and ended up sobbing. It helped me see things from a different perspective and gave me strength I didn't know I had. The book drastically improved my life and it only took a few days to read. Here it is on Amazon. I was skeptical at first because:

1. I had never read a self-help book before and had honestly zero faith that it would help anything.
   
   and,
   
   
2. The cover of the book made me defensive because it says something about controlling others.
   
   But, read it. It all makes sense once you get into it, and I really think your situation will hugely improve if you do. It's just a book, so worst case scenario, you don't gain anything from it but another book to add to the list of books you've read. Best case scenario, your life is changed for the better.
   
   Here it is on Overdrive, you can see if it is available at your local library or even in e-book form.
   
   Edit Actually, I found the e-book online for free (actually it is a free 4-title bundle of her books, but it includes the one I am recommending) so I downloaded it to my Dropbox account. I'll PM you the link so you can just click the link and read it. If anyone else wants to read the book, PM me and I'll send you the link too.

We have the older and less-shiny version of this clock, which has been a phenomenal lifesaver since we moved our kid into a toddler bed.

It goes blue at bedtime automagically, yellow in the morning (and the new one lets you set different wake up times for the weekend!), has a nap timer (you set nap length, then manually initiate naps and it turns yellow again automagically), and all that.

The other big thing that helped, for us, was breaking out the video monitor again. Shut the door and watch over the monitor and "voice of god" at the kid. Telling him to "get back in bed" without him even seeing us means he isn't getting any ideas that night time is play time.

Combining the two, and he was staying in bed consistently for night and naps (except for when he needs to use the restroom, but we have a small potty in his room for that) since about the end of the first week.

The big rule for naps now is "You don't have to sleep, but you DO have to stay in bed and be quiet until the clock turns yellow."

Free time: back! Sleep: restored! Sanity: Doin' better!

Good luck. <3

This happened to me too. Why oh why don't they ask the boy parent about this sort of thing?!? That is what he is there for!

For my son, we've gotten books from this series:
http://smile.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

There is one for older kids and one for younger kids. They might be available at the library, but I've noticed that books about the body are helpful at very random times.

We also have this:
http://smile.amazon.com/Usborne-Complete-Book-Human-Body/dp/0794515576/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406293750&sr=1-2&keywords=usborne+body+book

Which is very helpful for when there is a sudden interest in bones or DNA (frackin' kid friends giving all sorts of ideas). There is a younger version of it as well, I just didn't bother.

This is a good book for young children (and their parents) for dealing with death. I Miss You: A First Look at Death https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764117645/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_guVGxbRXJ7BSE

At three, she's going to need answers but not too many details that could scare or confuse her. If you believe in heaven, you could say "daddy went to heaven and we can't see him anymore, but we will always love and remember him. And he loved you very much." Or if you're not religious, you can say "daddy died. That means his body doesn't work any more and we can't visit him, but we will always love and remember daddy." You may want to give her a photo of her and her dad. Some parents give their child a stuffed animal/lovey that they say that the parent wants them to have to remind them of how much they are loved and to be able to squeeze when she's missing daddy. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you find peace for both of you.

Have you heard of the idea of love languages? If his primary love language is touch, I wonder if he is just seeking to meet his need for that. I mean, it's still not ok for him to be ignoring other's personal boundaries. However it might be worth experimenting to see if you are give him a lot of extra hugs at home, if his attempts at hugging at school decrease. Like maybe let his teacher know "This week we are going to try to increase physical attention at home, please let us know if you see any difference at school." The other thing that might be worth a shot is a weighted blanket to sleep with, or even a weighted lap pad for school. It could be that he's seeking that deep pressure through hugs? So if he has some of that sensory input through the mats or blanket it might help. Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/SensaCalm-Sensory-Weighted-Processing-Disorder/dp/B01N06L35G/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1541995473&sr=8-13&keywords=sensacalm The mats are less expensive than blankets. IF you want to try something, I'd try a mat first. If that helps, watch zulily for weighted blankets. That's where I got mine for my childcare and they were MUCH cheaper than anywhere else I've found them. They have a few on there now, but they aren't a brand I've tried before. I like the sensacalm ones. They have a better design than a bigger one I bought for myself.

Hey Hey! Unwilling biting toddler expert here. My son has been biting since he was 1 years old, and is about to turn 5 in August. Now, he has been diagnosed as ASD within the past year, and I have no doubt that plays a part in it, but that doesn't mean that my experience can't be of help to you.

First thing. Get this book and read it. Regularly. Talk to your child about it. See what they have to say about it, what they think.

Ask the people watching your daughter to make notes when she bites. Just quick little jots - what time of day did it happen? What was she doing? What was the child who she bit doing? This will help you narrow things down. Could she be hungry? Could she be upset at the other child for not listening to her / acknowledging her cues that she wants to be left alone? Just these quick little facts can be huge clues as to what is going on in her mind when she bites. With my son, it is usually because another child has invaded his personal space, or his chair in the classroom. Once his teachers and I figured that out, we have gotten his biting down from 5-6 times a day to once in the past month. Seriously, that big of a difference.

How is her vocabulary? When my son first started biting, everyone said it was because he couldn't express his needs adequately. So many people told me this, I'm certain it's a cause for the vast majority of kids. Looking into speech therapy, or even encouraging sign language can help with this aspect of it.

I want to end this statement with this: just because your child is biting does NOT make you a bad parent. You're not. Your child has all these great big emotions and feelings and no idea how to appropriately express them, and that IS OK. I know you're frustrated. I FEEL that frustration (read my history if you're really curious...it's been a long ride). But you are aware of the problem, you are actively facing it head on. That is good parenting. Don't ever let anyone else make you feel any differently.

I lurk now, but I am still constantly on reddit. So if you need support, help, hell just someone to listen who understands, I am here. I am so here for you.

And it will get better. I promise you. One day, it will. I haven't hit my one day yet! But I'm now confident that it's coming. I know yours is, too.

So, this may or may not help... but this helps our girl want to stay laying down. (She too wants to stand and play and roam around the crib) it has sounds, as well as a projector that shines up on the ceiling/wall (to encourage laying, ceiling works best though) it has a timer too.

But yea! The urinary issues are also because of this!

Talk to your OB. Get a cream.

There's an otc you can get off Amazon that is okay but not as good as the prescription stuff in the meantime.

(Bioidentical) Estrogen Estriol Cream. Supplements 175mg of USP Micronized, Bio-Identical Estriol- 3.5oz Pump. For Women during Menopause. Weight Loss, Vaginal Dryness, Wrinkles & PCOS

You really want to get it up there. Don't worry, while estrogen does enter our blood stream and milk, it's not enough to harm the kid at all. I checked 😂 it's super negligible amounts.

I'd also make sure you're always using lube like this one

Astroglide gel

And plenty of it 😂

And this: replens

Isn't the vagina such a fickle bitch?😂

So, she's 1. You can do sleep training with her, and she will get better about sleeping in general. There is a sleep regression just after 1 year though and that may be why she's being so difficult to get to sleep. I'm really sorry that you are going through this with no help and no support. Do you have a friend or family member nearby who could watch her for a night so you can get some much-needed rest? The sleep deprivation will really do you in temper-wise. Can you put her in a playpen or a babyproofed room and use something like a door monkey to keep her locked in and safely watching some cartoons while you get some sleep? This may also be a good time to give her some melatonin 30 mins before bedtime (kid doses only, you can find them at the pharmacy in a bottle specifically dosed for kids with 1mg or something like that). She will sleep better. I used it for my kid when he was having a sleep regression and it helped a bit. You need some sleep though, so you can be a more patient mom. this is a hard age even if you were getting enough sleep.

I really like the door monkey. It's a bit expensive, but it's worth it for the improved air flow and protection of people & walls. I would also recommend checking out KIScords for your cabinets. They make two different models and I've been happy with both.

This could be a teething thing or just a developmental thing.

You should try some of those mesh feeders with frozen fruit or frozen purees in them.. they're a bit messy but they're great for getting some nutrition into teething babies.

https://www.amazon.com/Fresh-Food-Feeder-Pack-Green/dp/B000GK5XY2

Also, full length bibs with sleeves (Ikea has awesome ones) are great for messy meals too.

http://www.amazon.com/Tunnel-Balls--Outdoor-Folding-Carrying/dp/B00HDPLPN6/ref=sr_1_15?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1415617560&sr=1-15

play tent/tunnel/ball pit


http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1828078/Disney-Pixar-Cars-Playville-Tent.jsp?ci_mcc=ci&srccode=cii_17588969&cpncode=27-375085765-2&CID=shopping15

same thing, but cheaper and Cars

We got Tinynurse skates that go over the shoes, PlayDoh is a big hit (even if I'm not a fan), trying to think...she's rough and not "girly", build a bear was a huge hit with her, she loves her zoomer zuppie, hugging Elmo (I'm scanning her toys).

Mine will be 18 months in a few weeks and we have had a lot of luck with this book... we read it frequently and every time he goes to bite me I say "Teeth are not for biting". Sometimes when he is in a mostly good mood I can follow that up with "But lips are for kissies!" and he will give a kiss instead. We have been doing this about a month now and over the last week he has been aggressively grabbing my arm like he wanted to bite it, and giving it a big kiss. I'll call that a win lol. It's just a phase at this point, they don't know how to communicate how frustrated they are so they bite. Mine goes to daycare and the kids try to bite each other pretty frequently. Daycare does the same routine, stops the bad behavior, explains in 1 sentence why it's bad, and redirects to something else or gives another option.

In regards to teething....my kid is 2 and I can promise I will never shut the fuck up about how awesome these were when she was teething. Mesh teething bags. You fill them with frozen fruit, or frozen baby food or ice or whatever, and let her chew the shit out of it.

Here's the Amazon Link! I watched the price for a while and it went down to about $100. It can be a pain in the ass because any time you want to adjust your favorites, you have to go in and re-do them all, but once you get it set you enable the Harmony skill on the Echo, and it's awesome!!

If you're still looking for a closet solution, this is what we used for our bifold closet doors- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000P635T2/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 ... of course my little McGyver was caught red-handed just shy of her 4th birthday using the handle of a toy broom to push the plastic and open the closet... but it was pretty good while it lasted.

You should get some of the little flossers. I use for my 3.5 year old and he really likes them. They taste like fruit smoothies! It makes flossing a million times easier and they come with fluoride coating! https://www.amazon.com/Plackers-Dental-Floss-Picks-Count/dp/B01I407CIU/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=kids+flossers&qid=1571921857&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyUzk4MTc5T1dKTkRUJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwODIxNzkwMlg0N1pBUk9KMEdGSyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMzI0MzkxMTJYWUgzS1A3VlZSTCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

Haha, I guess that would sound wtf if you didn't know what they were :)

Like these: http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Pack-Fresh-Feeder-Colors/dp/B000GK5XY2

Please, please do not EVER put banana in them.

Your partner and Patrick sound pretty codependent. I like this book for learning more about codependent relationships and how to increase self esteem.

Not sure how old your LO is, but we got a tot clock when our oldest started doing this at 25 months. It was he'll. I was in my 1st trimester with her sister and I needed her to fucking stay put! This is the one we got and it was a fucking lifesaver! (On mobile, so hopefully link works)

My Tot Clock My Toddler, White https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NC10YFA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_cCnaCbNKSC1P2

I feel like this book realllllly helped me during this phase. It calmed my first time mom fears. Apart from normal FTM anxiety, it sounds like telling her to let her OB know what’s going on is great advise. My anxiety got so bad I was out on Zoloft around 20 weeks. Really helped.

Awww.

I just wanna squish her and hug her and love her and call her George. Poor baby.

edit:

Also..if you haven't read Cinderella Ate My Daughter! yet...you need to.

I don't even HAVE a girl...but I picked it up at the library one day because I was like, "Oooh. This looks interesting." and boy was it an eye opener. No wonder girls these days are so fucked up!

We have this we ended up buying extra balls but its been a fun toy! Even without the extra balls!

Toddler recently claimed What Makes a Baby as his new favorite book. We get to the page in the book that talks about how babies grow in uteruses (uteri?), and that some people have uteruses but others don't. Toddler pondered for a minute and asked if I had a uterus, and I nodded. He asked if his O.Pa. (my partner) and Baby Sister also had uteruses, to which I also nodded. Toddler sat silently for a minute before throwing himself on the ground and wailing "BUT I WANT A UTERUS TOOOOOOO. THAT'S NOT FAAAAIIIIRRRR!!!"

Toddlers and FOMO, man. It's so intense.

We used monkey locks for our basement steps, kept it closed enough, wasn't permanent, and kept it pinch free

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I follow Expecting Better's guidelines.

The summary of her section on coffee says:

> In moderation, coffee is fine.

> All evidence supports having up to 2 cups per day.

> Much of the evidence supports having 3 to 4 cups.

> Evidence on more than 4 cups a day is mixed; some links are seen with miscarriage, but it is possible that they are all due to the effects of nausea.

I stole this idea off of here. I bought [this] (http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Fresh-Feeder-Colors-Count/dp/B000GK5XY2/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1459441433&sr=8-1&keywords=mesh+food+feeder) and put ice cubes, or flavored juice in them. They were cold so my daughter seemed to like them, and I think the flavor kept her interested. The mesh is fine enough, that I was able to take an ice cube, wrap a paper towel around it a few times and stuff it in the net, and it lasted a while without dripping as much, so we did not have a huge sticky mess everywhere and she was able to suck on it a bit as it melted.

If you're tired of teething tips just ignore me, I understand. Mine never took pacifiers or teething toys. I discovered that I could put an ice cube inside one of the thousands of baby socks that have no mates and tie the end for them to chew on and it seemed to help a lot. We eventually got one of these because it's easier. It's just a way for them to ice their gums without choking and dying on the ice.

It's ok. You woke up because your instincts told you something was up. That's the good thing here. The other good thing is that now you know she can unlock that stupid door, and that she will go outside. Now you can install and turn on these door chimes. Both of my kids escaped the house and were brought back by neighbors before they should have reasonably been able to unlock the damn door, and now we have these on every door AND one on the bathroom door so kiddo isn't getting in there at night either.

Additionally, I use a door monkey to lock him in his room at night and I have a vertical bar baby gate on his doorway since I'm paranoid. Little shit isn't getting out anymore.