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Let’s talk reality here. You are not this man’s equal. To him you’re a pretty girl he can ‘break in’ and fuck, manipulate, and control, because you’re naive. He’s got money and experience, hence all the control in this potential relationship. Said he got divorced but you don’t know why do you? Not really. Could be this is a pattern and his wife found out.

Facts here. You are his coworker’s very young daughter. He’s only been working there a couple years which is a very short amount of time. This dude who waited for your dad to leave to hit on you is exhibiting Extremely Poor Judgement on so many levels. He’s risking you telling your dad which will probably fuck up their friendship, which is already fucked, your dad just doesn’t know it yet. Even if you do nothing or all the things with that guy, he is still the guy who went after his friend’s daughter behind his back.

I mean honestly, there’s no good way this will play out here. This dude is telling you want you want to hear (so mature and smart). Point is to make you feel good and valued, it’s the beginning of what’s called grooming. How will your dad feel if you say yes? Would you reject your dad for this man you honestly barely know? Btw the odds of your dad staying friends with this guy no matter what are not high, but you gotta decide who you want to be loyal to.

This isn’t going to last even if you do go. He’s 50+, in 20 years he could be in an assisted care facility. In 30 he will probably be dead. In 20 years you should be living your awesome life, maybe have kids or working a career you love or traveling or who knows… or you could be wasting your key years of young adultness on this old ass who is gonna manipulate you as long as he can.

I’m in my mid 40s, and young adults like you are very attractive. Y’all so filled with life and excitement, and there’s a thrill about beginning your life that many of us would like to re-experience. But people your are are basically baby adults. You have spent the majority of your life as a child. Your early 20s are key years where you learn what it is to be an adult. They may not be the best years of your life but what you do now will be the foundation of what will come. Because of that people my age should be mentors, not lovers.

I would strongly advise you not use this precious time and sabotage your relationships with your family and friends for some old dick.


So, IF YOU’RE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY, here’s my advice.

Do this only on your terms. Do not give him power over you. He wants what you are, that gives you bargaining power. He may offer money or gifts, be clear that if you accept that you don’t want to feel obligated to him for sex or time. Prioritize your life above everything. Don’t quit college if you’re in school and don’t quit your job if you have one. Even if he offers to pay for everything. The moment he does that for you, you lose all agency. Best advice my G-ma had was you should always have ‘mad money’ to get you out of any situation/relationship. Keep in contact with friends, don’t let him isolate you from everyone who loves you.

May/December relationships rarely last. Anything is possible but that doesn’t make it probable. Maybe this dude is legit and just happened to get a crush on a girl old enough to be his adult daughter and otherwise he’s healthy and stable. From the other side though, people who date young adults generally go through them like tissue leaving emotional damage wake behind them. You’re not on the same level, he has practice and knows exactly what to say to you to get you to melt. Sounds appealing until you figure out he’s just using you.


If you have any twinge of doubt, listen to it.

There’s a book I think all young people should read called The gift of fear. It covers situations like this.

Honestly if this dude was legit he would have talked to your dad, his friend, before making a pass.

Good luck.

Age does not matter. I think a relationship can workout anytime but the probability is low because it is a young age and the people involved might have not thought through lots of aspects and maybe lack the maturity to have a successful relationship. You might feel the pressure to get into one but you should first try to understand why you feel that pressure... is it for the closure? the social image it projects?...etc

From a guy's point of view, I can't tell you what to do but I can definitely tell you what not to do as I have had some pretty terrible relationships. If you want to read more about those, I wrote a book named "10 Rules to A Happy Relationship" https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Happy-Relationship-Shanka-Jayasinha-ebook/dp/B07WZPNDNB/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=shanka+jayasinha&qid=1567936241&s=gateway&sr=8-2

​

This is the summary:

Did you ever live the perfect love story only to see it transform into a horrible nightmare?


Based on true stories, 10 Rules to A Happy Relationship delivers the comedic point of view of Michael, a pragmatic, male, feminist going through an abusive relationship.


Twenty-year-old Michael is a college athlete in Los Angeles with big dreams of pursuing a professional career. When the young man suffers a career-ending injury, he decides to go back to his hometown for rehabilitation. While in France, Michael meets the beautiful Veronica, a seemingly kind blond girl with whom he rapidly falls in love and begins a relationship. The newly-formed couple faces the challenges of a long-distance relationship when Michael must return to the USA to finish his degree. After going to great lengths to please Veronica, he returns to France for the greater good of his romance. Unfortunately for him, Veronica turns out to be abominable. From lies to threats and violence, Michael finds himself quickly overwhelmed by the French woman and her entourage.


10 Rules to A Happy Relationship uses a humorous first-person narrative to give an in-depth look at the transformation of Michael’s initial utopian view of love into a more accurate depiction of love in the 21st century. After touching several subjects from gender equality and personal identity to depression and narcissism amongst others, Michael outlines 10 rules to live a healthy relationship.

Hope this helps!

I wouldn't lie to her, but I also don't think you need to force the issue. If the topic comes up naturally in conversation, then I think that's fine to say it. Speak about it with confidence but don't go overboard. Be sincere. Usually, being a virgin is a choice. Maybe you had an opportunity earlier in life and didn't go for it. Also, you could have hired a prostitute and didn't, and, you're STD-free. All good things.

I'd also recommend educating yourself. Being great at sex is usually a combination of education and experience. I'd highly recommend this book.

Finally, something you can say (if you've done a little homework):
"I haven't done this before, but I've taken time to learn and explore what it takes to be a great lover. I'm here to do the best I can, and I'm excited to be here with you."

I’m sure! I can only imagine the differences between the two of you just based on your religious backgrounds. It will take patience and compromise for certain.

Take my advice as you will but I will tell you this. I used to believe it just took love or commitment to make a relationship work. Well, I was seriously incorrect and that ended up with me getting a divorce. I have learned as now I am in a tremendously successful relationship that having things in common is one of the most important things. Shared interests in particular. You can have different beliefs but you both must be willing to compromise and meet in the middle. You both need to want the same things or again be willing to compromise. Otherwise one person ends up being resentful and bitter or both. Just make sure beyond the alcohol issue you both can find yourselves on the same page! Talk about parenting and how you want to raise your children. Make sure he’s going to be the type of father you want for them if you both do want children.

This may be a good book for the two of you if you decide to marry! The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585426210/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xP5VBbJK8BWTJ

I’ve read it with my current partner and we found ourselves on the same page which was quite reassuring! Good luck to you and your love!

>Why don't women ever seem interested in me?

You don't need to pick up on interest from girls to be successful at dating or make the first move.

>Maybe I should stop being super nice or something?

I recommend reading this book, No More Mr Nice Guy. You have to stop trying to please others and look after your own needs. It's not about being "nice". It's about how you treat or view relationships. "Being nice" doesn't earn you any kind of relationship.

> being in college it seems women are about half and half, still like being treated like shit like we are still high schoolers or actually enjoy someone who treats them right.

lol yeah I would recommend that book to you for sure

We can all struggle with that, so it is a normal thing to question our own value in my opinion. It's not normal in that situation to "realize" you are of "no value" and then trust that realization without reference... This is the equivalent of asking a dog about quantum theory and trusting the answer, but inside our heads this is what we in effect do. The emotional feeling of being worthless barks at our intellect, and our intellect interprets this as a truth, absurd when analyzed, so disregard it.

The Drama of the Gifted Child may be a good book to look at for you, interesting perspectives.

The moral emotions is an interesting read about why anger (or despair) can be so addicting and seem so "right" when it is happening.

The Happiness Hypothesis also by Jonathan Haidt is a great read about our emotions vs our intellect...

Tribe is a good read on finding where you fit, more related to soldiers and post combat, but apply it to your current situation and find your tribe.

Glad you are still with us, and no matter what you feel, you are not alone.

Edit: authors name from autocorrect purgatory...

http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1412046904&sr=8-1&keywords=coach+corey+wayne

The book is a little fluffy in parts, but has really solid advice.

"The conversations all hit a wall or the girl won't even message me even though she hit like on my profile and we matched."

What kind of messages are you sending? Can you give me an example? I've had that happen where you get liked but then they don't respond. There could be any number of reasons, while the desire for improvement is good most times you won't have any idea. Just let it go and don't take it personally.

No date and no sex, no big deal, don't let society try to make you think you are less of a man because of that. Dating is a skill which takes time to develop. What I'd suggest is always finding ways to be happy with yourself without anyone else. Walk into every interaction with the attitude of just trying to have fun, be positive, and don't have any concern for the outcome. Try different approaches, never take rejection personally, and hone your skills. Most importantly, don't exhibit clingy, needy behaviors. I know how loneliness goes, but be careful because if she senses neediness it will most likely drive her away.

Cheesy title, but the advice is golden:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650

Additional stuff you need to understand:
http://www.amazon.com/Mars-Women-Venus-Communication-Relationships/dp/006016848X

Then, with confidence that you know more than any other young man in your school about people and about women, set aside all expectations, and allow this to unfold or not in a natural way.

And then, use this period of adolescence for what it's good at (it's not good at girls) and find yourself a spiritual life. Here's a good starting place:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=siddhartha&x=0&y=0

Know this: A man with a spiritual center is more attractive to the kind of women worth one's time.

And this: Once you find a spiritual center, you'll be less interested in women. Ironically, this is the quality in a man that women find most attractive of all.

By the way, if you can stand all of this irony and paradox, you'll be much better prepared for being with a woman ;-).

Again, by belittling and dismissing the information we give you do yourself no favors. You don't need to agree with it. You don't need to follow it. But admitting that is our experience will help you.

> but to be able to gauge a guy's real feelings for me. I have very little actual interest in committing to a guy who's with me because he has NO better option. I want to find something REAL, not necessarily a relationship.

Empathy will help you understand/gague his perspective. Baring that ask him directly (words are awesome like that). Just understand that from his perspective you are asking for a commitment from him. Even if you don't see it that way.

> So I want to know when a guy hesitates, why? He cannot trust me yet? He doesn't feel all that much for me yet but doesn't want to lose the sex? He doesn't even know what he feels yet because he's not in tune with his feelings? Is there someone else he prefers and would like to be with but he doesn't have the chance with her?

You will need to ask him, and listen. I'd reccomend The good man project for some reading. It's targeted at men, but it might illuminate some of the s.h.i.t. we have to deal with on a daily basis, things that haunt us for years even when we don't realize it. Things that simply doesn't exist for you. It may help you bridge the gap of understanding why he's hesitating, and how difficult it is for us to handle feelings.

And to say it simply: Yes, it is entirely possible that he can't trust you. Possibly through no fault of your own - but through the experiences he's had up until that point. The Speed of Trust for more on trust.

> My mind makes up a million different reasons, and the course of action for each is different. If a guy doesn't feel that much yet, I could maybe stick around and work on our bond. If a guy just sort of wants me around because he cannot get what he really wants yet, I would like to hightail out of there.

Communication is key. Relate those things to him, and listen when he responds. Also understand that your wants and needs will change over time. The you of 10 years ago is different than the you of today, and is different than the you of 10 years from now. And the same applies for him.

Read these books:

No More Mr. Nice Guy
Daring Greatly
How to Win Friends and Influence People

While you do that, just make small talk to people. Not necessarily to people you're attracted to. You can keep it short, "nice bike", "nice dress", "do you have the time?", "do you know the way to x?", "know any good coffeeshop around here?"
Look people in the eye, don't break eye contact first, genuine smile.

You'll see that people are generally good. There'll always be assholes, you don't need them.

You sound like you are throwing in the towel, which I did for two years after 22 years of no action and much, much frustration. So I'm just gonna recommend three books that helped me out. I highly, highly recommend the first. The second is what got me out of my funk. These two books helped me understand women where before I frankly didn't know shit. The third one is great for confidence/self esteem, which can help anyone.

The Way of the Superior Man

How to be a 3% Man

6 Pillars of Self Esteem

I am aware of how cringey/snake oil'sy some of these books come off as(especially How to be a 3% Man), but they are good.

Edit: And if you aren't going to read any of this stuff, at least do yourself a favor and work on improving your posture. It makes a huge difference in how people respond to you.

>What do you mean by this?


In your original post, you said this:
> I don't even know what the purpose of all this was anyway. 6 years ago I ventured down this dating path to just figure out why I had never just gotten a girlfriend or anything that just "happened" as some people say.


From what I read from those statements, you do not know why you are not on the other side of the fence and why you are not with a girlfriend.


Then you said this:
>Did more research people said to lose weight and just dig into your hobbies and get new ones. 3 years and 90lbs new job, traveling and all kinds of hobbies later and I'm still clueless. Now I'm hearing that following all this dating and seduction advice is not actually helping it's just manipulating people which no one will fall for.


From what I have read from those statements, you tried everything (including faking confidence) in which you don't think anyone would believe in. In turn you said this:


>I've got friends and colleagues I'm not a pushover but I'll keep my mouth shut to not offend people usually. I'm basically lost in the shuffle of I was fine before I tried to add another person to my life. I was perfectly happy and content doing what I wanted. I don't even know what I'm looking for and since I don't know one will give me a chance.

Which means that you want to because you do not have the "chance" to do so in the first place. That "chance" is based on talking to people in a sexy sensual way that you can't with your best friend (because you don't see them that way). we usually can't talk like that unless we are with a SO/girlfriend.

>I'm a little confused about this as well. Do you talk about the books with girls and they get the picture or something?

Yeah, you can do that, and also check those books out for yourself. These books could possibly get out of that 'clueless' portion of your life and into the arms of another person.

EDIT: Here is an example of a book I read (NSFW, obviously): https://www.amazon.com/Following-Temptation-Kenny-Wright-ebook/dp/B072FQJ9MJ

It’s all about quiet confidence whether you consider yourself to be attractive or not. It’s a keeper quality for sure. Quiet confidence formula can be exposed in this short read. 99 pages of pure gold. Good luck https://www.amazon.com/ENCHANTING-ME-Romantic-Emotional-Intelligence-ebook/dp/B07SKGB3WZ/

Let's cut through the vague descriptions from internet strangers and link you to the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy-ebook/dp/B004C438CW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539103996&sr=8-1&keywords=no+more+mr.+nice+guy

TLDR: It's not your fault that you have "nice guy syndrome," but being a "nice guy" isn't actually "nice" for you or the people you're around. Once you deal with it, you'll be happier with yourself, you'll interact with others in a more authentic way (which they'll appreciate) and you'll be more attractive.

You're 20 and presumably cute as fuck. Enjoy yourself. Do not be with someone that makes you feel like shit, nervous, anxious, etc... Be with someone that makes you feel secure and happy. Do yourself a favor and read this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Attached-Science-Attachment-Find-Keep/dp/1585429139/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=attached&qid=1567194117&s=gateway&sr=8-2. I wish I had read it when I was your age.

And if you ever want to message me just to chat feel free. I'm more than happy to help you out. Too many people trick themselves into thinking that they should stay with someone that makes them unhappy. They start coming up with excuses and then before you know it you've wasted 5 years. Then you have other people telling you dating is harder than it isn't. It's hard don't get me wrong but it's not impossible.

Right now you're focus should be on trying to figure out the kind of person you can see yourself staying with long term. That means experiencing a wide variety of people. Sure casual encounters aren't for everyone so if that isn't for you don't force yourself to do something you don't enjoy but you can still experience a wide range of people without needing to fuck a bunch.

Oh for sure! It's actually free on Amazon today: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BTGDC61

If anyone messages me I'm happy to send the PDF over too

Read the book "Attached" by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_t46YBbDXF9AKV

I had a situation when my wife asked for some space, but I was so insecure and afraid, that I can lose her, I managed to prove that we shouldn't make a break, etc. Finally it happened that we divorced anyway, so if I would get into similar situation, I would give her space this time as sometimes giving space can help a relationship.

Talking about your situation I believe, that you boyfriend can have fear of commitment and giving some space might make him want to get back. You can read more about it in book Yes, No, Maybe by Stefanie Stahl (https://www.amazon.com/Yes-No-Maybe-recognize-commitment-ebook/dp/B00UZKS7VE)

You'll never get YOUR needs satisfied by being a "Nice Guy". That term is a joke anyway. I would read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. You seem to have quite a bit of resentment towards women. Also you being a virgin at 33. There's some major issues there.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339?pc_redir=1411424570&robot_redir=1

>I don’t get off from it and find it painful if I’m not properly lubricated.

Stop messing around with guys who don't know what they are doing and neither of those will be a problem. And I don't mean just in bed,...I mean not knowing what they are doing over all in general. This happens because you are just not that into the guy,...and most of the time that is the guy's fault.

I don't know of any material directly addressing this. But this one book includes some of this. If nothing else it will help you understand yourself better and more importantly will help you know the difference between biological drives and psychological/emotional drives and how the two work in tandem within you. It is important to read the introduction at the beginning of the book to grasp it's purpose before getting into the rest of the book. I am currently working my way through the book right now.

https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489

Oh quit it, my face is covered in acne scars and I can still get dates. I do recommend seeing a dermatologist or plastic surgeon just to consult. And if it becomes hypertropic (ie raised scar) use these as soon as it heals for a few weeks:

Maderma:

https://www.amazon.com/Mederma-Advanced-Scar-Gel-Recommended/dp/B001PQBEAI/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=maderma&qid=1569555586&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExVFRTRlhHSlhNMTc3JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjk4MDcyQVdZNlhLRktZTEZVJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTAyMzkyMDAxNTZCVkNDVFVITkpVJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==

Scar away:

https://www.amazon.com/ScarAway-Silicone-Scar-Sheets-1-5/dp/B003DGWTXE/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=scar+away&qid=1569555600&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExMDlXVTlZT1BGWVJZJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwOTcwMDM0M0s4OE5SVlNUQkFERyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNTA3NjkyMUtRUERYWUtTQ1dRRiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

Here you go!

https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360

https://smile.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360?sa-no-redirect=1

Looking into this guy. His youtube videos seem to be titled provocatively - with "Put her in her place" and "how to make her submit to you".

That said - he doesn't actually seem to be another misogynist PUA based on the video I'm watching. Not sure. More research may be needed.