Thank you for the advice. I'll try to respond to each of your points.

1

I'm currently looking for a DBT counsellor in my area. In the meantime I'm reading this amazing DBT workbook that I bought. I'm only on the second chapter but it's helped already.

2

I'm very open and honest with everyone. My life is an open book you could say, so that isn't an issue. Most of my trauma stems from those childhood incidents, primarily my dad and bullies at school. Finding the right therapist is definitely challenging. I had one EMDR therapist that was a former ordained minister, and she constantly prostelyzed to me and tried to convert me... I quit seeing her.

I then went to a trauma center that specializes in childhood trauma and PTSD. They played an audio tape on gratefulness. The tape started okay, be grateful for this, be greatful for that... but then the narrator said "be grateful you aren't a starving black child in Africa". I was instantly triggered, I couldn't believe they actually went there!! I had to plug my ears and tune out the rest of the tape I was so upset and distraught. As soon as the tape ended I spoke up and told the group leaders "that's guilt tripping and negative reinforcement!". A few of the other group members joined in and said "yea, that made me feel bad too". I never went back to that group therapy again.

I kind of gave up on therapy after that. I was going through a stressful move at the time and I had lots of other things to deal with. After those two bad therapy experiences I felt defeated and gave up. I need to give it another try like you said, just keep trying different therapists until I find one that works best for me.

3

The third point is a hard one for me since I have so many overlapping mental and physical issues. My diet is extremely restrictive, I have a lot of food sensitivities. I dropped from 175lbs to 117lbs at one point a couple years ago (I generally fluctuate between 120-140 lbs). I couldn't eat anything without being sick. I'm chronically underweight from avoiding food or being sick. Everything triggers my GERD or iBS, dairy, gluten, sugar, fat. I haven't had a slice of pizza in over 15 years or any my of favourite foods like spaghetti (tomatoes being a big GERD trigger). It just adds further depression and trauma to my life by having such a restrictive diet.

I've been eating chicken/tukey, rice, and brocolli for the past 15 years. That's all I eat, every meal, 3 times a day. It feels like the movie "groundhog day" at times where I can't escape this loop. There are a few other things I can eat such as plums, kiwi, green beans, and different types of rice (bread, noodles, regular, congee). But for the most part I can only eat at most 10 different things. Plain lettuce causes me to throw up or feel sick for hours... Celery too. My stomach is a mess.

Distraction definitely helps and is one of the main techniques I use. I've been relying on a heating pad for the last 7 years which helps a lot. I often just lay in bed with a heating pad on my abdomen for hours. I also watch movies, play games, listen to music, and I go for walks every day (usually 1-2 hours) to get exercise.

Sleep is a very big factor in how I feel on a given day. I have chronic insomnia and struggle getting a decent night sleep. I definitely notice my IBS symptoms are much worse on those days where I get less sleep.

4

I used to use ginger chewables in the past. Nowadays I rely on the benzos (my doctors got me addicted without telling me they were dangerous), the zofran/anti-emetics, and lots of ginger and fennel tea every day. I've also had a medical marijuana perscription since 2016 which helps the physical symptoms and my insomnia, but I find it tends to make my anxiety and the mental side worse unfortunately. I'm currently off the pot again right now but it just makes my physical symptoms unbearable and I eat even less. I find the pot helps a lot with the emetophobia in general. It helps increase my pain threshold a lot, but I also end up binge eating from the munchies and that can cause further GERD and IBS issues. I've had issues with bulimia and purging in the past so this is another issue.

Edit: Accidentally hit enter before I was done. Sorry for the wall of text.