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The actual dancing aspect can be handled by learning to dance (i'm assuming you can handle that on your own). So i'll address some of the behind-the-scences sorts of things. [Text wall ahead?]

[Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.]

If they're legitimately close friends you may not have to worry about this, but in some places there is steep competition between dancers and it's not uncommon for some of them to be "ganged up on" and find themselves out of work because the others didn't like them... although the "official story" is usually something involving a crime, or customer complaints.

And some places are just the bestest places in the world where nobody fights and there's no drama... Well at least 1 place... maybe...


In places where you can drink, drink a little, but only casually/socially. Only enough to get slightly buzzed, if that. This is because people who don't drink in drinking establishments will seem out-of-place to those drinking. BUT as a dancer, you have a socially acceptable built-in excuse to stay stone-cold sober. It's not mandatory to drink, but drinking a little... may help. If people buy you shots, you'll want to keep track of that so that you don't overdrink yourself, and then have people pour you more on top of that, leaving you trashed (which is a safety hazard, and could get you fired).

Learn sales, learn some psych. You'll be selling yourself as something you're not (absolute perfection of the highest order, give or take).. and yes, perfectly imperfect/rebellious/badboy is a "perfect ideal". You'll be interacting with many different kinds of people, and you'd do well to be able to read people and the kinds of things you can do to make each type of person feel valued and respected (communicating in a way they understand best). Find your style of seduction and use that to create a consistent persona/theme, so that you can distinguish yourself from every other dancer, past, present, and even ones that will replace you after you're gone. Create a legend of yourself so that people will follow you if you change bars/clubs.

Everyone has a smartphone. Snapchat dominates the lives of almost everyone under the age of 30. You will be posted on some site somwhere, i guarantee it. You may even go viral. Probably not, because male dancers aren't manstream yet... but it's possible.

You might want to fight your own fights. You might be capable of doing so. Doesn't matter. Always call security. 1, you don't want to be held legally liable if shit goes south. 2, don't damage the merchanise. 3, You want to avoid being seen as hostile to any customer, even if you're justified, even if they openly support/encourage you to fight or escalate a given altercation.

At the places i've been to, most of the dancers were straight, most of them made sure it was known. Turnover is high (completely unrelated, i'm sure), yet competition always remains higher. Your friends and their club/bar may be different, but those are the outliers, not the norm. I don't know if you are straight. but if you're in a gay club, you should be there for the core clientele. Your personal life should be left at home. You can have 6 wives 9 kids and 3 girlfriends at home, but as soon as you drive into the parking lot, you're there for the boys. Girls are nice, but girls--on average--don't tip nearly as much, or nearly as often. The only way you can pull off the "im straight and i'm only doing this for the money" thing is if you don't neglect the men... who generally give you more money. People will start to notice that your dances are twice as long with girls, you only give your number out to girls, you let girls touch more and/or longer (or at all, if it's not supposed to be allowed)... If you're straight, I know it's tempting to get all the numbers as soon as you see your busty blond "hb8 brah". find a way to serve your own pleasures while you're not being seen by the people you're rejecting in an effort to slam girls after last-call...

You'll break the illusion. Don't break the illusion. The illusion is that you're DTF with guys. Actually, if you can find the balance of being straight, but keep the illusion of being "turnable"/hetero-flexible, you'll be a top earner in no time. Of course, that's only if you can pull of being "straight" (if you're gay), or if you can pull off "open-mindedness" (if you're straight, and not open-minded). If you're a masculine bi guy, just be yourself.

Otherwise... be as ambiguous as possible. If you must identify as straight/gay one night, identify as the other the next time. People are attracted to mystery. Confusion stokes curiosity, which invites engagement. And that's what you want. You don't want people to stare at you from across the room. You want them to talk to you, tip, buy a dance (or whatever your "big ticket" thing is). People like puzzles and trying to figure you out is a puzzle game with an admissions cost.

If your bar/club allows movement, move, don't just stand around wistfully. You may have nice abs, and/or a tight butt, but people want to see them move. Also, there shouldn' be a rule saying you can't initiate conversation. If you see someone looking but won't pry themselves off the back wall, go to them. Chat them up. Talk to them about anything other than you. Liking you is a given, so don't make it awkward by asking if they like you, or "why won't you tip me" or whatever else. They'll tip when they feel 1, noticed by you, senpai. 2, valued/wanted/desired there. 3, when they like you. 4. if they don't feel pressured/manipulated into it (don't be pushy)

These are just some of the things off the top of my head. Anyone's free to add/challenge anything here. I presume the guy wants to be good, so if you've got a correction, or a way to be better, let him have it.

As you may see now... being a dancer is a bit more involved than jiggling your but in a pair of andrew christians. Well... if you want to be any good at least. If you just want some extra money and attention on the side, then disregard everything and jiggle your butt in a pair of andrew christians for a few months until you wash out because that's all you offer.

I'm not a conservative, but as someone living in the UK I don't think it's fair to compare David Cameron's politics to that of the American Republican party. The usual consensus over here is that our conservative party, the Tories, are politically more in line with the Democrats in America. Over here the Republicans come across as totally batshit.

>I believe that to be be a conservative and to support gay rights are not mutually exclusive. They, in fact, can go hand in hand if we look at it through the correct lens.

I completely agree. And Cameron's statement, which you quote, makes that case perfectly. In fact one of the best conservative arguments in favour of gay marriage I've read was Virtually Normal by Andrew Sullivan. He shows that from a socially conservative point of view, gay marriage makes a whole lot of sense, and that gay marriage is absolutely something that conservatives can, and should, support. The book is over 15 years old, but many of the points he makes are still being thrown around in discourse today.

But having said that I don't see how you, as a gay person, can support the Republican party.

>I believe politics doesn't need to always be black and white

Which is precisely what the Republican party would have you believe. Not only do ~74% of Republicans oppose gay marriage (compared to ~34% of Democrats ~40% of Independents), but Republican supporters have made it quite clear that they do not even want any gay people in their party. Case in point.

The Republican party quite literally hates you.

You are not alone; there are many, many women that have been or are in a very similar situation.

I highly recommend that you read Goodbye, I Love You, a partial autobiography of Carol Lynn Pearson, a Mormon woman that married a gay man; they later split up and he died of AIDS.

> He confessed his love to me to stay, but now is thinking of coming out as gay. In the meantime, our sex life is very active. How can this be?

It's... complicated. One way to explain this is the kinsey scale: he's bi, and maybe leaning towards the gay side. However, more than once, I've heard of totally gay men having perfectly great sex with their wives. (I believe one of the times I heard this was Carol Lynn on a podcast). You may wonder how they are totally gay if they are capable of having great sex with a woman, but being gay is not about what one is incapable of doing; it is about what the heart wants. I don't know your husband's situation, but it is common for gay men in denial to get married, thinking this will solve their "problem," but then slip into same-sex affairs.

So my advice is this: don't try to draw conclusions like "if you are gay then we split up, but if you are just bi then we stay together." This is the wrong way to make that kind of decision. Your situation is unique, and only the two of you can decide how to best proceed, though reading about similar situations may help. You might want to get a couple's therapist to help you work through things.

Another good read to help you is a pretty melodramatic but interesting and ultimately entertaining read called The Princess Who Believed in Fairytales. You can find it here http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/087980436X?keywords=the%20princess%20who%20believed%20in%20fairy%20tales&qid=1453835537&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

When I was 12 or 13 one of my mom's friends let me borrow it because I used to LOVE reading, and although it's an adult book it's very introspective and it helps open your eyes to understanding that not everything that looks perfect is perfect. It's a good read and I think it really helped me understand that the grass is not always greener on the other side, ESPECIALLY when it comes to love and relationships.

You are correct that it is not the same, but it's not just the prostate. There are lots of nerve endings in that area to be stimulated too. And some women do find it enjoyable. But men and women need to be very relaxed and comfortable with it in order for it to be enjoyable. The natural reaction is to tense up all your muscles when something tries to enter there, often involuntarily. You have to be able to relax those muscles before it can be a comfortable and enjoyable experience. It's best to practice this on your own before bottoming with a partner.

Here's a book (for men and women) that discusses all the "ins and outs" of anal activities (pun intended).

It's hard to comprehend how much God loves us. He can do nothing but love us. A mother's love is the closest you could get to understanding the amount of love God has for us. Still some mothers can abandon their children but Jesus said "Even if your mother forgets her son, I would not forget you". I am definitely not an example and most Christians are not. If you are able to keep God's will as your main goal and love others with the love God has given you, you would probably become a saint. All these questions were answered by reading a book I received from my teacher called Youcat. It has around 500 questions that most people have like - why does God allow evil? why is the Genesis so innacurate? what do childless couples do? etc. It will take very long to explain so I'll link a copy that you can buy https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1586175165/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521260398&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=youcat&dpPl=1&dpID=31ybs9z9ZDL&ref=plSrch
I really want to thank you for letting me vent some things I keep thinking about all the time.

All right. Let's start with what needs to be said first:

Relax.

Nothing kills a boner like stressing over whether or not you're going to get a boner, so just relax.

I certainly found that my first few times having sex were hit and miss. You soon figure some things out, and others need a bit of work.

So, here are a few words of wisdom, in no particular order:

1. Men need foreplay too. Yep, it's not just women who need a bit of a run-up! Men are also not ready to roll the moment you whip their pants off. So spend some time playing with each other before you go for full-on penetration.
   
   
2. Magazines with "sex tips" (Cosmo, I'm lookin' at you) make shit up just to sell. Don't let any magazine give either of you "sex tips".
   
   
3. Pornography is (mostly) lies. (Shooting myself in the foot here, but it needs to be said). Do not mistake any porn you have seen/read for a manual, guide, or any other form of instructional material. Pornography is fantasy.
   
   
4. Condoms, condoms, condoms.
   
   
5. Fap less. I'm not suggesting /r/NoFap, but certainly don't shuffle one out if you're going to see her later in the day.
   
   
6. Try to get hold of a copy of The Guide to Getting It On - it's a no-nonsense but very friendly guide to pleasuring each other, and comes highly recommended by sex therapists.
   
   
7. Try new things. By attempting to repeat a previous "success" you are already pressuring yourself, which is likely what killed it for you. Experiment. Have fun. Find your way around each other's bodies and enjoy whatever you find enjoyable.
   
   
8. No, I mean it: have fun. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, so relax and enjoy it. Don't see ejaculation as your goal, some finish line that you have to sprint to. It's a bonus, a great extra if you get to it, but otherwise? Hell, the rest of it's still awesome too! :D

> you end up with a cultural association that manliness = fucking women, which leads to not fucking women = unmanly, which leads to homophobia.

I think that's a remarkably simplistic and rather shallow way of thinking about sexuality and homophobia.

Culture has to have a foundation somewhere. To suggest that basing it from biology [is a bad thing] is to suggest that it have no foundation at all. The problem is when cultures become averse to augmentation and evolution. Cultural stagnation is what leads to homophobia, not the reality of biology.

There is no one single cause behind homophobia, and anyone telling you that is just plain wrong. There are, however, a few bigger causes of it. Now, my focus in research for the last few years has been in homophobia in a high school setting - so what follows is mostly associated with that (specifically, US high schools).

One of the larger causes of homophobia goes way back to our more primal roots: pack behavior. We are codified to align with a larger pack, because throughout history those outside of the pack aren't treated well, and (going way back) end up dying of starvation or exposure.

So, skipping a whole lot of time, let's turn the page to the high school setting - which is probably more like the old pack behavior than any other time in one's life. Many / Most kids haven't an inkling of what they'd like to be - and not just in career trade, but in what sort of person they'd like to be. So, packs form around social custom. Much of this - and this is the point you were trying to make - comes from how they observe others behaving. And, naturally, much of this comes from the media. (Sidepoint: HS is also where the gender divide begins but that's a whole different paper).

The harsh reality is, fucking women does equate to a higher social standing. It is codified into our systems, through centuries of natural selection. There were points in our evolution that said, "If you don't spread your seed, you'll be pointless." That's a pretty important thing to have in the genes when you're trying to establish a species.

We're no longer at the point where we need that in our mentality, but it is still codified in there, like it or not. Social customs and social obligations are two different things. Two hundred, even a hundred years ago, you were socially obligated to pump out a few kids to help in the fields. A few decades ago you were obligated to pump out some kids to complete the Nuclear Family (two children, minimum, generally).

As much as the Conservative Right here in the US wants [you to believe], you're no longer held to these obligations. Thankfully.

But all of this time with these obligations which have now become customs has left us with a bit of generational lag. My mother, for instance, has a seven brothers and sisters. I've got one younger sister - that's a good indicator of how much generational obligations/customs have changed.

Part of that generational lag occupies a large part of the media, for several reasons. 1) Sex is codified, and because of that, sex sells. As the media is discovering, all kinds of sex sells - so this little media lag will be going away in a generation or two. 2) It becomes part of the cycle (we're still seeing what's socially acceptable to the previous generation on TV - we're just now seeing that change, just like it'll change again at the end of our generation / set of generations).

Let's get back to our high school kids, who've been organizing themselves into their little wolf packs (thankfully, the French gave us a better word: clique). They see these social customs in the media, and naturally use them as a boilerplate for their own behavior.

Now, here's the important part: evolution.

Turns out, a lot of people get sick of these social customs in the previous generation, and they end up passing those protests on to their kids. That's why you have a generation of women who, when told to stay in the kitchen, respond with, "Go fuck yourself." Over a few generations, this leads to some pretty profound social change. That's how you go from women's suffrage being proposed in 1878, to proposed as an amendment in 1919, to ratified in 1920, and to having the first woman <insert_pretty_much_anything> about a generation (give or take) later. 96 years between "Women? Voting? Sure, I guess." and "Hillary 2016!" seems likt a lot, but think about it. That's the rough lifespan of one person.

And each time a huge social change sweeps through, it makes the ones that follow even easier. Just look at LGBT rights. It didn't take 100 years for a massive amount of change. It seems slow to those of us who get to see the worst of it - but it's remarkably fast.

The other, and in my opinion slightly more important factor in social change, comes from the "Defense of the Different."

It's easy to lose yourself in the articles about cruelty - and that needs to be dealt with. But what we very rarely take note of, is how often it happens that things go well.

Another natural, codified, part of our humanity, comes from saving face, both of ourselves and for our friends. When we form bonds of any sort with another person, we expect those bonds to stay intact [and will take lengths to defend them]. The act of "coming out" is a pretty big change in those bonds, and the reason the process is so painful is that you know you're changing the relationship, because - in a way - you're changing your character. Most of the time, these things go just fine. Horror stories scare us so much because, well, they're horror stories.

Anyway, without going on that particular tangent for another six paragraphs, I'll get back to the simpler point: people like their friends. So, say you've got our little pack of high school kids. Say one of them comes out. The natural reaction of the group may be to cast out the injured individual and keep moving. This is where our evolution comes into play, and when we're supposed to say, "So what?"

Friends have the ability to grab back onto that person and pull them back into the group. The group changes. The group evolves. And as that group grows up and gets out into the world, that little interaction shapes the way they deal with people in their lives.

All of this is very complex, and I'm leaving a whole lot out for the sake of brevity.

The West Wing addresses this group behavior with a nice little DADT discussion that I'm quite fond of.

My points are:

1. There are things codified into our system. One of those things is "fuck women procreate, be powerful."
   
   
2. Codified behavior is the basis of our social structure.
   
   
3. The evolution and adaptation of our base social structure is what leads to social change.
   
   
4. Social Change comes in many shapes and sizes.
   
   
5. Homophobia doesn't come from "fuck women, be powerful." It comes from, "This is something I've never encountered before, and I'm scared of it."
   
   
6. We, as a species, get over it^1 by saying, "Oh, this is what that is. That's not so bad." ^1 - "it" can be replaced with anything: women voting, blacks in the military, gays being a thing, gays in the military, etc.
   
   
7. Having social obligations and social customs doesn't lead to a problem. The species neglecting to evolve those social customs is a problem. (We're doing a damn good job of evolving).
   
   ---
   
   Some further reading:
   
   
8. "Dude, You're a Fag: Masculinity and Sexuality in High School", an ethnographic study conducted and authored by C.J. Pascoe. (Read this even if you're not interested, it's good.)
   
   
9. "On Facework" - Goffman. One of the best papers on social identity and obligations we hold to each other.
   
   
10. "Victory" - Linda Hirshman. Documents the LGBT community's rise from minority outcast, to one of the strongest and fiercest social movements in the world.
    
    
11. "Queer Bullying" - Tracey Peter & Catherine Taylor. "How Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia Hurts Students".
    
    
12. "The Ideology of "Fag": The School Experience of Gay Students" - George Smith.
    
    
13. Hallway Fears & High School Friendships: The complications of young men (re)negotiating heterosexualized identities" - Michael D. Kehler.
    
    These are only a few of the papers you could read, there's an absolute mass of research out there on homophobia and heteronormality. All it takes is some patience, some reading time, and the ability to coherently form a message from combining and understanding a mass of other content (which is what I do!).
    
    --
    
    Some edits, noted in strikethrough or [additions].

Just tell him you're gay. Don't just blurt out that you love him. Just say that you're gay and see how he reacts. I'm in 8th grade and I came out to my best friend today, I didn't say I had a (flaming hot) crush on him. He responded that he totally supported me and also told me that he was straight. He says that I'll be his best friend no matter what, gave me a hug and said good bye like he always does. I don't think much changed. If he still acts normal at school tomorrow, he's one hell of a friend.

Edit: You guys are in your freshman year of college, has he ever had a girlfriend? Usually he would've went out with a few girls if he was straight. I'm not saying this applies to everyone but if he hasn't had a girlfriend, then you have a good reason to assume he's gay. I noticed that having a gay pride accessory is perfect and makes it really easy to come out. I don't have to tell people or shove an announcement "I'M GAY" in people's faces. They see the bracelet, they ask if I'm gay, I say yes, and that's it. This is the bracelet I wear everyday. http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Pride-Wide-Silicone-Bracelet/dp/B005N8B850/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1380597900&sr=8-5&keywords=gay+pride+bracelet

for context I am a cisgayman.

My favourite sex toys are the CLICKER and TWISTER Tenga Eggs, and this dildo. (I also own the "Juicy Justin" from that line, but it's maybe too big for me - I really have to be in a certain mood for it.) there are probably better dildos out there, I haven't looked extensively.

lubes I know better. the best ones I've found are Maximus (water-based, nice and thick, great for anal but tastes bitter) and Wet Platinum (silicone-based, thinner, tasteless so it's better for oral).

as for general tips, the best one I can give is "have a place of your own." also, maybe keep your cat out of the room. you probably don't want her jumping up on the bed while you're getting it on.

>When it comes to intimacy and stuff, don’t really mention it.
>
>If you want to be more educated then that’s cool but talking about it with your kid is a bit weird haha.

Hard disagree. I'm totally with you on offering an environment with affirmative support and love, but we're also talking about parenting, and sometimes parenting is about having awkward conversations that are still important.

Gay kids don't get sex ed. By and large, their issues aren't addressed at school or any other environment in an honest, factual way. These kids find out by experimenting, sometimes by making stupid mistakes, and occasionally by making mistakes that they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives.

Dad, it's time to read up. You don't need to completely re-do the talk, but you need to reinforce the most important parts (condoms always) from a new perspective, and reiterate that you're available to answer questions now that y'all have a better understanding of each other. Also, consider getting some books! Even if your son isn't super excited to come to you with a particularly . . . graphic question, a good book might have the answer. There're lots of great books, like maybe this one. And consider getting this one for yourself! You don't need to know everything, but you need to be prepared to learn anything -- sounds like it'll be a great journey for the both of you!

Most guys who bottom clean themselves out before sex with a gentle water enema -- sometimes called an "anal douche". Here's a cute tutorial for beginners.

Your best bet is to use a bulb similar to the one in the video; you can find a basic version at any drugstore, or more elaborate versions at sex shops. Avoid bottled enema products . They usually contain laxatives or other stuff that you don't want for your purposes.

Frequent users often purchase a "shower shot", a device that hooks up to your shower, like this one. They're made by many different manufacturers, and they're popular enough that you can find accessories like alternative nozzles, or even disposable nozzles.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002FCN7Y2

This is the absolute best.

I really liked these:

https://www.amazon.com/Viking-Yule-Jamie-Fessenden-ebook/dp/B077TLWLZ4/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=a+viking+for+yule&qid=1558895070&s=gateway&sr=8-1

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