Best products from r/gaybros

Hey man,
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm Serbian-Slovenian, but born in Canada. I have visited Serbia and spent time with my cousins (Ivanjica + Beograd) . I know how conservative and anti-gay the culture is and can only imagine how lonely you must feel. So the first thing I'd say is it's great that you continue to reach out online about the way you're feeling. You've posted a few times about your feelings, even apologizing or indicating you're embarrassed for posting so often, but I think it's the best thing you can be doing for yourself so keep at it.

I'm 28 and privileged to live where I live and am able to be out and open about who I am and who I love. That being said, I've only recently begun to acknowledge my depression and how much being gay has perhaps contributed to that. I grew up in a small town in western Canada which is relatively conservative and didn't realize how much that experience affected me until I left when I was 18 for university across the country to Toronto and could live my life how I wanted instead of how everyone else expected me to be. That's as close as I'll come to saying 'stick it out, it gets better.' But note: it's not a "cliche" if it's actually the truth. But when you're in the thick of it it's impossible to recognize that as anything helpful, so I get it.

I read this book last summer and wish I could have read it when I was 14. https://www.amazon.ca/Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Growing-Straight/dp/0738215678/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521396766&sr=8-1&keywords=the+velvet+rage If the link doesn't work, it's called "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs. It's short, pretty easy read, but holy shit did it change the way I viewed myself, my actions, my feelings. Everything. Can't recommend it enough if you get a hold of a copy or find it online. I understand that having a book like that in your house might be dangerous for you. I recognize my Canadian privilege that I could walk into a bookstore openly and purchase it from the shelf without concern for my own safety.

I started talking with my doctor a few years ago about depression. I pick and bite the skin around my fingers until they are raw and bloody, and twirl my hair and pull it out. It's a form of OCD that's connected to anxiety and depression. I learned about CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) (another user posted a link to it below/above I noticed, so it's not a novel contribution to this discussion) and the takeaway is that you can control your feelings much more than you think you can, it just takes practice and focus. I'm not the best at it yet, but it's a good starting place to learn about your own thought patterns etc. My doctor showed my this site: https://moodgym.com.au/ it's free, I encourage you to check it out.

My doctor also turned me on to mindfulness and yoga. I started doing it at home because I was too nervous to go to a class or something because I felt like I would look like a stupid idiot. So don't let that stop you from trying it at home. If you're in your room for hours on your computer or doing nothing anyway, it's a great thing to do anytime of day to strengthen your mind and body. It sounds hokey, but holy crap do you feel better after. I'm a believer now haha, and have started going to some classes, including a 'hot yoga' session last week which was fun. I started at home on youtube with this 40-minute introduction to yoga video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ6NfFIr2jw&t=1197s I've shown a few people this and I've heard feedback that it was stressful, she goes to fast in some spots etc, which I appreciate especially the first time. But if you have to stop the video, go back, etc , especially the first time, do it, and then the second time, the third time, etc it gets much more enjoyable. Here I CAN safely say 'don't worry, it gets better' :P She has tons of other videos that are shorter/longer/specific to certain body parts etc.

An observation if I would: you seem like a very intelligent, introspective, analytical and reflective person who writes a lot. You say you have no interest in doing things, yet you continue to post long essay-type postings. So maybe recognize that writing is something you do enjoy doing, that you write very well, and maybe writing is your thing! Do you journal? Do you write fiction on your own? Do you comment on other things around the internet, like news stories, politics etc? Looking back, especially in my teenage years, I read tons of fiction and wrote a lot of short stories and I think that was how I dealt with my queer feelings. It's almost funny thinking back to those stories and how subtly gay themed they were, lots of themes of loneliness, feeling out of place, feeling different, the other, even one story was about a Vietnam war veteran who came home from the war and couldn't deal so he ended his life. My teacher had me read out that one to the entire class. It was clearly a cry for help, and instead of allowing me to wallow in my shame and self-hate, that teacher acknowledge my strong writing with a good grade (making me feel good about myself) and then sharing it with the class forced me to not be alone with my story/feelings. 10/10 teacher, I often wish I could find him now to tell him how much he meant to me. Actually maybe I'll write him a letter this week. You've inspired me!

Also on your writing and introspection etc, I think you'd enjoy philosophy if you're not already into it. I'm not, but my ex got into and it changed the way he interacted with the world and felt about himself, and I can totally see you enjoying it too. I don't have any recommendations, but I'm sure there's a philosophy thread on reddit/other dudes on here can give recommendations. You have no interest in things, I get it, but you continue to reach out, and so I'm hopeful that you're open to trying new things and finding something that you might discover you do like instead of just complaining that you don't care about anything. All you can ask for yourself is to try :)

It sucks when you have no interest in things, especially school, but DONT let that slip because if nothing else, strong grades IS your way out. There is life beyond the world immediately around you, outside of Serbia, outside of Eastern Europe. The world seems so shitty because the shitty people are often the loudest, and doom and gloom is what brings good ratings to the media, so they have incentive to report on the shitty things. I've worked as an HIV/AIDS counselor in a slum in Kenya, helping/working with people who have literally nothing but they somehow keep going with a hope is unbelievable given their circumstances. Recognizing how much you DO have, and being thankful for the smallest things you DO have, rather than focusing on the negatives of how shitty you have it and how you're feeling, is really all you can do until one day you might have something to actually actively feel happy about.

Going back to when I was 14, all I dreamed about was moving across the country to Toronto for university. It was all I had. Everything I did (school, part time work, extra curricular activities, sports (swimming)) was for that. And then I got accepted and moved away from my small-town life, and that joy, that accomplishment from completing that goal, probably saved my life. I lost my way a bit after that, but found it again at 26 when I was accepted to law school, and here I am now :)

Keep reaching out. Speak to a doctor if you can. I did end up going on antidepressants last year after things in my personal life broke down and my other efforts at self-help weren't enough (yoga, mindfulness, exercise (swimming, biking, running) healthy diet (so important omg. I'm a bottom with some IBS issues, fml right?. Fibre, fibre, fibre. But I digress!), social network, healthy hobbies, etc), and it really helped me. This year I recently had a bit of a mental breakdown (I'm still in law school and continue to have some personal issues relating to my ex and anxiety about my future, money, debt, etc) and was forced to re-evaluate everything again and accept that I have depression, it's okay that I have depression, and sometimes you need medical help in the form of medication to get you out of it. There is so much stigma still about mental health, and it's not accessible for so many people, but if you need it you need it. Think of chemical depression like the flu or a lung infection: you treat it with medication if you have to and then you get better over time. There's nothing wrong with getting antidepressants and using them until the rest of your life works itself out so that you have the structures and stability in place that you no longer need that chemical help. I'm not decided if I'll restart SSRIs this year or not (a doc gave me a prescription, I filled it, the pills are in my bag, but I'm still on the fence whether I need them or not. I likely will start them so I don't ruin the rest of my semester, and then see how things go) but yeah, fuck the stigma, sometimes you need it. It's okay to be depressed, there's a good chance it's a chemical imbalance combined with you being gay, but don't let it fuck up your future. Please. The world has lost too many amazing gay men to depression, shame, and anxiety, and even if you don't end your own life, being unable to do something with your clear amount of intellect would be an equal shame.

Good luck, dude.

• Primary thing you need to do is make sure that when you go camping, you inform someone what your plans are and when you'll be back, so that if anything at all happens, that person can alert the proper authorities, fly in helicopters, release the hounds etc.
  
  
• I'll refer you to REI, but a lot of that is kind of advertising their own products, encouraging you to purchase the latest gadget and so on, but it has some good nuggets of wisdom, like the checklist. You can also rent tents from them instead of going full-hog and buying one (if there's one in your vicinity). Don't get sucked into acquiring all the awesome things though. Going camping is about what you can leave behind.
  
  
• ESSENTIALS I hate to say it cause the gays and Boy Scouts of America don't mix too well, but their 10 essentials list is actually awesome. And for that matter, their handbook on camping could be useful.
  
  
• COMFORT Tent: depending on how cozy you want to get with this friend, a 2-4 person tent should do, and if packing it up into a small space and lugging it around isn't an issue, don't worry too much about weight. Stove: Coleman's the classic, and it will last forever, just make sure you can get it lit. (practice!). Sleeping bags/sleeping pads/cots/air mattress: all different options for sleeping comfort.
  
  
• FOOD You should probably plan on 2 big meals a day, like breakfast and dinner. Pre-made pancake batter, frozen pre-made omelet mix, pre-cooked sausages, and bacon are good starters for breakfast. My favorite thing for dinner is hobo packs: heavy duty aluminum foil "boats" that you fill with peppers, potatoes, cubed steak, onions, seasoning, that you throw in the fire pit, after sealing them up nice and tight. They'll cook up in like 20-30 minutes.
  
  Wear layers, bring way more water than you need/have access to fresh clean water. Pack sufficient food. One of the best things, if you're not too keen on lugging everything around with you is car camping. Have a look at your state's park services, they usually have spots that you can rent for super cheap for the weekend, drive your car up, pitch the tent, and get started on the fire.
  
  Also, heres a great book, kind of on camping.
  
  Anything else that I can think: wet-wipes in a ziploc bag. Ziploc bags. Bug repellent. Lighter fluid. Propane for stove. Lighter. Pocket knife. Hatchet - seriously helpful. ICE. Cooking always takes way longer than you think it will, with set-up, assembly, clean-up. Don't take any unnecessary risks. Man, now I want to go camping.
  
  Have a good time with your "buddy".

Trainers can be good, but be aware that personal training is a totally unregulated field, so you can have any piece of paper and be a "certified" trainer. Men's Health can be a good magazine, but a few issues and you're good. I've found that they repeat a lot of their older routines and label them as new, or combine two and do the same thing. As a matter of fact, I recommend Men's Health books more than the magazines. Their Big Book of Exercises is a great resource, especially if you want to try your hand at making your own routine. I also agree that looking on blogs is a great idea. I'm going for my certification in personal training right now and haven't quite been brave enough yet to make my own routine, but I just recently finished this Shortcut to Size and really liked it. If you just google exactly what you want, chances are you'll find a great routine that you'll love.

Hope this helps!

I've just finished Go ask Alice, it is pretty great :)

Geisha: A life by Mineko Iwasaki, is also one of my favorite book...

If you like comics and graphic novels, read The league of extraordinary gentlemen, Watchmen, The crow, Essex county a book about the rural lifestyle, hockey and family issues...

All of those are books I really loved and hope you will like if you read them :)

Not a conventional recommendation but one of my favorite novels is At Swim Two Boys.

It's an Irish novel set during the 1912 Easter Uprising.

It's a bit dense but it's a really breathtaking book. Watch out for the dialect. You'll get used to it.

It's about love and making a place for yourself, an identity. It's a masterpiece.

Not a crime thriller per-se, but I would recommend The Painter by Peter Heller

I don't want to give too much away, but the protagonist has a troubled past and can easily be seen as a criminal in the context of the book.

I really enjoyed this book and I think my taste in books is similar to yours. I absolutely love realism and I feel similarly that a happy ending isn't always necessary.

I read this one over the summer and it really stuck with me through all the books I've read since. I would definitely recommend.

Pick up and read [The Velvet Rage] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Velvet-Rage-Overcoming-Straight/dp/0738215678). It can be a bit one dimensional at times, but it does a brilliant job of describing the different 'phases' gay men go through as their personalities evolve. At the very least it will help you navigate your friendship a bit better.

I am going through a similar process and am still healing. Be gentle with yourself. Rest. Learn to forgive. Know that healing takes time and that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is an end. You are alive, you will survive.

Some active things to do to heal that I've found useful.

• Choose which of your friends to talk to and tell about this carefully. Talk to ones who don't silver-line the relationship and tell you to heal. Don't talk to toxic friends. There are no absolutes in healing.
  
• Read self-help books. How To Survive The Loss of a Love and The Velvet Rage both have helped me.
  
• Meditate. Use Headspace. Lie down and listen to meditation for healing after a breakup
  
• Journal for as long as you have feelings in your head. Get them down. Make sure to include both positive and negative thoughts. Stop journaling when it feels like you aren't writing down anything new.
  

I'd say Christianity has been well co-opted by elements that use it as a agent for social control, rather than for uplifting people - especially the poor and oppressed.

Whether you choose to stay with the faith is up to you, but in case of pushback from the rents, there are some helpful resources. First one is a more evangelical Gay Christian Network, the balance come from my own home denomination (PCUSA) which is now ordaining LGBT ministers and performing same sex marriage. PM me if further questions.

Gay Christian Network

Change of Heart for Conservative

Book: Bible's Yes to Same Sex Marriage

The Study Guide to the Above

Errors in Translation of Older Church Confessions

Edits: I cannot type tonight.

If you're looking for a fun, but enriching read, I highly recommend Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything". It's tough to put down and you're guaranteed to learn some amazing things.

Similarly, Bryson's "A Walk in the Woods" comes to mind, although I haven't read it in some time. Seems fitting for the gaybros since it's about hiking the Appalachian Trail - a dream of mine some day.

I've had my eye on these for a while and the reviews are great. Haven't bought them yet. I use ground flaxseed daily on my morning greek yogurt. What is in those pills will work for sure: Psyllium Husk, Chia Seeds/Chia Seed Powder, Flaxseed Powder. Good luck!

America cooks is great too.

Also, sugar cookies!=making meringue and french macaroons.

Most cookies and breads ar easy. There is that small tier of things like really good focaccia and french bread, but if he is just making oatmeal cookies and pizza from scratch, it is pretty simple.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0399100202

I would recommend sugaring. It yields the same results as waxing but uses sugar paste which is better for your skin since it only sticks to the hair and not live skin cells. So it causes less irritation and is slightly less painful (but definitely not pain-free).

And if you decide to go that route, I would suggest getting an exfoliation towel like this and run it daily across your back in the shower to avoid acne and ingrown hairs. Creams like Bikini Zone, available at Target and other drug stores, are good with ingrowns as well.

Perhaps you have unrealistic expectations for how quickly you put on muscle mass -- check out timetoswole for a rough calculation of how quickly you could put it on. But realize that if you're without experience, it will probably take you 2x as long.

You want to put on muscle, the recipe is simple: (1) you need a program of progressive resistence weight training (the program described in "Starting Strength" by Mark Rippetoe is an excellent place to begin, and go until you can backsquat 1.5x your bodyweight) (2) coupled with a daily protein intake equal to about 1gm per lb of lean body mass you have (thus, say you weigh 150lbs total, but let's assume you are 15% body fat, so you have 22lbs of fat and therefore 138lb of lean body mass -- so consume 138gm of protein, daily), (3) coupled with a caloric excess (carbs and fat; 2-3x the gm of protein in carbs is a good ratio), and finally (4) sufficient recovery time between workouts -- 3 workout days a week is the norm, under Starting Strength.

Also: HIIT and cardio isn't going to put on muscle. Only progressive weight training will.

I'm way late to this party, but there is a truly exceptional book called At Swim, Two Boys by an Irish author. It is set around the time of the Easter Rising in Ireland and the story and writing are fantastic.

Here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0743222954

This looks interesting though I kind of hope this book paid more attention to historical accuracy and nuance than this review of it did.

Another excellent work on early gay culture and the development of a distinctly gay identity in the United States is Chauncey's Gay New York, a fairly serious scholarly review or pre-WWII gay life in NYC.

I just read The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach, and I really enjoyed it. It's about a baseball team at a small midwestern college. A couple of the characters are gay, and all of the characters are fascinating.

Here are some other articles about this story:

• USA Today: John Oliver's book about Marlon Bundo, Comey memoir top Amazon bestseller list
  
• newsweek.com: John Oliver Publishes Gay Love Story About Mike Pence's Rabbit Marlon Bundo: How You Can Buy It
  
• theslot.jezebel.com: Marlon Bundo Is Complicit
  
• thewrap.com: John Oliver's Bunny Children's Book Is Beating the Hell out of Mike Pence's on Amazon
  
• vanityfair.com: John Oliver Goes to War with Mike Pence, Using a Book About Gay Bunnies
  
• fastcompany.com: John Oliver Gave Mike Pence's Book A Gay Makeover For Charity
  
• indystar.com: John Oliver writes rival kid's book about Mike Pence's bunny being gay to benefit charity
  
• salon.com: John Oliver trolls Mike Pence with a children's book — and wants you to join in
  
• Washington Post: John Oliver spoofs Pence family's new kids' book with gay-themed 'Marlon Bundo' book
  
• NY Daily News: John Oliver's new children's book depicts VP Mike Pence's pet bunny as gay
  
• amazon.com: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Presents a Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo: Jill Twist, Marlon Bundo, EG Keller ...
  
• youtube.com: Mike Pence: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
  
• hollywoodreporter.com: John Oliver Challenges Mike Pence's Views on LGBT Rights With Parody Children's Book
  
• Slate Magazine: Last Week Tonight Created a Children's Book About Mike Pence's Gay Pet Rabbit for Charity, and Also to Troll Him
  
• BBC: Marlon Bundo: John Oliver lampoons Mike Pence with LGBT book
  
  -----
  
  I am a bot trying to encourage a balanced news diet.
  
  These are all of the articles I think are about this story. I do not select or
  sort articles based on any opinions or perceived biases, and neither I nor my
  creator advocate for or against any of these sources or articles. It is your
  responsibility to determine what is factually correct.
  

Have you ever tried psyllium husk capsules? You can buy them easily from Amazon, which would be the cheapest route. I took this, and my bowel movements became shockingly clean. Literally like one, two, maybe three wipes at most.

No matter how much regular fiber I was consuming (I eat a lot of whole grains, whole fruits, and vegetables), my bowel movements didn't compare to how clean they were when I was taking the psyllium husk capsules.

Those capsules are basically the same capsules you can find specifically targeted to gay men, albeit much cheaper.

My only real concern is how my body would hold up if I were to use that amount of psyllium husk fiber per day for a long period of time. What's weird is that some reputable companies will state that it's not for long term use, while other reputable companies will not have that warning label at all even though they have identical daily fiber intakes. After much research, it seems to me that companies that have higher doses of psyllium husk within fewer capsules have the warning while companies that have smaller doses of psyllium husk in more capsules don't have the warning. Downside of the latter is having to take more capsules per day, which would be annoying.

I did have one side effect from taking psyllium husk capsules, and that was pretty strong stomach pain, but that was due to not taking the recommended amount per day I believe. When I took the recommend dosage amount, the pain was nonexistent. What was really great was that I had no bloating at all as you might expect from a fiber pill. It seems to me that psyllium husk does not cause bloating because it doesn't release gases as it simply expands in your body and doesn't get digested by the bacteria.

I would highly suggest Marlon Bundo, which is John Oliver's book protesting Mike Pence's stance on same-sex marriage. My boyfriend has a copy and it's extremely cute, and the proceeds go to great causes.

John Oliver wrote a book about the US VP's gay bunny. It's actually kinda cute.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Presents A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo (Better Bundo Book, LGBT Children's Book) https://www.amazon.com/dp/145217380X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_QKaTDbT15SDBM

Your wife might be able to help with the kids if her brain doesn't melt.

Another great read:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0465026214?pc_redir=1407908281&robot_redir=1

It actually is called that haha.
THE BIG BOOK has basically every excersize that's worth a damn in the gym as well as things to eat and workout programs inside.
I sound like a commercial for this book so I'm going to stop talking about it

But if you're looking at a workout book to switch up your exercises or just correct techniques in the gym, this is a good one to go by.

I always say this book www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-3rd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0982522738/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1413663662&sr=8-2&

It is well written

Link to the Marlin Bundo book: https://www.amazon.com/Tonight-Oliver-Presents-Marlon-Bundo/dp/145217380X

Starting Strength

I also suffer from mental illness, which I believe the bigotry of my upbringing contributed. I don't blame my sexuality, I blame a heteronormative society. The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, PhD is an excellent narrative on "overcoming the pain of growing up in a straight man's world." It was recommended by one my therapists. Reading this book was cathartic experience and revealed the shared experience of my own struggle. It was very helpful in starting my journey of overcoming anger and shame.