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Hey man,

You mentioned that you went through some pretty extreme depression. What kind of treatment did you get?

There are some things this subreddit might be able to recommend, but if you're still battling with depression (remember, there's no shame in that) it's probably over our heads.

If you haven't gone through therapy, it sounds like that could be a good option for you. Remember that there is nothing wrong with getting help. Probably you know that (since you're asking here) but it's worth repeating – getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

If you can't or won't go to therapy for whatever reason, I highly recommend you pick up "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns. You can get the paperback for $6 on Amazon. I think learning about cognitive distortions will really help you, as I can see a few in your post. Even if you do go to therapy, the book is worth a read.

Again, remember that this doesn't say anything about your self-worth. It's just something you're going through right now, but you can work to fix it.

As an example of some things in your post:

>a few hours after I wake up I realize that I can't fix myself

Remember that you aren't broken. You can change if you want to, but that doesn't mean you're broken. I believe in you, and you believe in yourself at least a little bit, or you wouldn't have made this post. You can do this.

>I used to eat healthier, now I'm nothing

You are not nothing. You are a human person, and nothing in the world can take that away from you. There is nothing that can take away your worth as a human being.

>I have time, I'm just not using it properly.

It's awesome that you've realized this on your own. I'm sure you've been thinking through all of this a lot, and the fact that you've reached this conclusion shows some real insight. Lots of people will never admit to themselves that they really do have the time – you're off to a good start with this.

How can you start? I don't know where you're located, but Psychology Today has a simple tool that can help you find a therapist. I'd check it out and, if the option is there, look for someone that does cognitive therapy.

Outside of steps like that, take small actions. Even micro actions. Heck, the smaller the better. These actions should be easy to start and easy to finish, but finishing them accomplishes something, anything, towards making your life better. You can check out the subreddit /r/NonZeroDay if you need ideas (and also read the post that inspired the subreddit).

Baby steps will help you build confidence. They will help you prove to yourself that you can do things that make a difference. Plus, the results of those actions will help you level up your life all on their own.

That's what I've got for you. I hope it helps, and please, please don't hesitate to ask questions or PM me.

Remember, I believe in you.

Hey MisterEff, you're not the only one. I totally know what you're talking about. The swing from optimism & motivation in the evening to inaction in the morning, the anxiety, the putting off phone calls, the weird reflex-like turning away from the task in front of you. I've been struggling with it for years and years, too. Sometimes I do better, sometimes worse.

You've seen a few therapists, and you told them far more background than you've told us, and they're professionals, so I hesitate a bit to jump in here and give advice. But you're here asking, and what the heck, I've got ideas from things I've tried, so here goes.

First of all, you say that you do well and you get good reviews. I suspect you don't give this a lot of weight and you don't really believe it because you're judging yourself for not living up to your own expectations. I think that's deadly to your motivation. YOU DO WELL AND YOU GET GOOD REVIEWS, and that at a job that's important and helps other people. You need to let this soak in and let it boost your self-confidence. YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU. Let it sink in. Engage with it. Regularly, until you start to believe it.

Anxiety: I've gone through periods of high anxiety, to the point that my whole body seemed to be vibrating with it. I've done meditation, tried hypnosis and guided relaxation, and tried an anti-anxiety med for a while. In the end, here's what I think: my anxiety is mostly produced by my thoughts. I think about what I need to do, and how I'm failing to do it, and how I should have done stuff differently, and other doom thinking about stuff that's wrong. The thoughts produce the anxiety. Really engaging with cognitive behavior therapy helped immensely. It got to where I could notice it happen: notice I was feeling more anxious, notice what I'd been thinking about, and sure enough, I'd been driving it up through thinking. It took a while, but I've managed to get rid of that cycle and my anxiety is down 90%.

Aside from reading about CBT, meditation has been a big help in getting better at catching what's going on in my head and how it affects how I feel. I do mindfulness meditation. Started it through a local Insight Meditation center.

My current "thing" is to try to understand that habit of looking at a task to be done and turning away from it, seemingly by reflex without really thinking about it. Something goes "uhm, nope" inside me and reaches for something else to do... reading the news, going to Reddit, etc., you know how it is. I'm trying to catch that moment and not move to the procrastination behavior, but just hang out in it and see what's really going on. I think mindfulness meditation provides the skill and awareness to catch the moment, but also to observe what's going on. Outcome TBD. :)

I get a lot out of social context. If I have stuff to do that no one else directly care about, it's often hard to get going. On the other hand, if I have a meeting, agree on a plan of action, and have a meeting planned to discuss progress, then I'm often very effective. Social contact helps me, consensus helps me (no self-doubt on how to proceed), and having to meet expectations helps me. Is this true for you? Can you use it to help yourself? The simplest for of this for me is "buddy sessions", i.e. sitting down with someone else in one room with the agreement that neither of you will procrastinate while you're there.

A few more things I recommend reading/looking at:

• watch this TED talk on Power Poses. It's a short-term tool, but it may help you get over the hump to make those phone calls or do other tasks that make you anxious.
  
  
• Read The Willpower Instinct to learn more about how willpower/discipline works and where its pitfalls are.
  
  
• I think building new habits in very hard for us with the motivation challenge we have, but I'd recommend reading a bunch about habit-forming, using X charts (/r/theXeffect/), the Lift app, etc. You said you tried pomodoros and they worked a bit but didn't stick. Combining pomorodos with these techniques that work across days and weeks should help.
  
  Remember that there is a payoff from procrastination. Turning away from something that makes you anxious gives you immediate relief, and that's really powerful. Recognize that this is a challenge and that it's understandable that you're struggling to overcome it. It's going to take some engagement, balancing, insight, and motivation to overcome it.
  
  Remember, MisterEff, YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU.
  

I think I know what you are going through because I have the same thoughts. What it really boils down to is your value system. Right now, you put higher value in short-term stimulus' like video games and and things to keep your mind stimulated, like YouTube, and now you realize that only doing these things gets you nowhere. So why would anyone NOT just play video games all day? Its the same reason why you shouldn't eat nothing but junk food, I'm sure you already know this. So where do you start? The first question you should be asking yourself is "Are my studies important to me? Maybe they aren't. Maybe you were forced into them by your parents or caretakers. If you truly do not want to do something it is very hard to get it done. But I suspect this is not the case with you. From your wording it seems that you want to study but you lack the discipline. It may be helpful to write our the Pros & Cons of studying. I think you will find that the Pros vastly outweigh the Cons. You can use this knowledge as fuel to keep you on track by reminding yourself that it is important to YOU that you study.

​

Ok, so you want techniques. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. You need fundamentally change the way you see the world and replace it a whole new way of thinking, which is no easy feat. I know it sounds corny, but i like to listen to motivational clips from people i respect. I find that it helps me to see things from a different viewpoint than mine. It also gives me an extra push because it reminds me that the struggle to accomplish my goals is not only hard for me, but for everyone else too...but it's worth it. Here is one that is relevant to your situation:

​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29oD-AeDwrk

​

Also, check out Jordan Peterson's & jocko willink's videos..I mean, your already on youtube all day right!

​

I also like to read books about how I can improve my life. One of my favorites is this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1536593013&sr=8-2&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people

​

Make an agreement to yourself that you will invest time and energy into improving yourself everyday. Start formulating goals that you truly want, formulate a plan to achieving them in a specified time.

Looking at your post; One thing that I thing would be beneficial would be to try to wake up earlier everyday & going to bed earlier as well. There is a lot of research on the benefits of having a consistent sleep schedule as well as productivity benefits for waking up early. A quick google search will guide you on making that transition.

Other than that my only recommendation would be to start small. You cannot expect to will yourself into fixing your problems overnight. Expecting perfection will guarantee that you will fail, give up, and go back to your bad habits. It takes time. So start small. Set yourself up for success instead of failure. Instead of a goal of 2 hours of studying every day, maybe start off with committing only to 10 minutes per day. You will probably find that just starting is where 90% of the effort comes from. Often it is very easy to keep going once started. You also build a series of 'wins' under your belt in which you subconsciously learn that you can trust yourself that you CAN accomplish what you set your mind to. Then you can slowly slowly SLOWLY start to incorporate other healthy habits such as scheduled exercise, healthy eating habits, meditation..things like that. Good luck.

​

I wake up early fairly consistently. Most Saturdays I sleep in until 8am, but throughout the week 5am is the norm. Today just happened to be 2:30am, so consistency as far as exact time isn't really a thing for me.

My morning routine I've adopted from Hal Elrod's Miracle morning. I originally read a synopsis found here after hearing about the concept. I read some reviews and thought the book was pointless to read, but I'm finally reading it now and not hating it. I thought the synopsis would be enough and the book itself would be full of fluff, but it's both inspiring and informative.

Essentially, the morning begins with 6 things. How much time you spend on each is up to you. Depending on homework, work and other tasks I have planned, I'll spend up to 2 hours doing these things and sometimes I just rush through it so I can work. Of course, again not so consistent, I do skip the routine altogether some days and I notice those days don't go too smoothly afterwards.

1. Silence/Mediation/Prayer. I'm not religious at all but strangely, I find myself praying in the morning. I find entreating myself is a way to solidify who I want to be and forces me to visualize solutions (#3). Silence and mediation is pretty self explanatory, it helps you relax. I often defer this part of my routine so that I can work on something and then meditate to relieve any stress it causes. Finally, this is a good time to remember to stretch.
   
   
2. Affirmation. I do this in two ways. I either in my writing (see #6) or during/after my mediation I'll start. Affirmations for me basically consists of repeating my goals and my personal Mission Statement (if you don't have one you should, this idea I adopted from the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I end essentially forcing myself to be very excited. Not really a though process just a feeling, a rush of energy to get started.
   
   
3. Visualization. As I mentioned, I do a little prayer routine most mornings. This forces me to visualize my goals. Sometimes I just visualize something specific, like the other day I had a bench trial. Maybe I'm planning a hike or learning something new. Today I visualized next week and thought about what the week would look like in retrospect. Then I did the same for the month, and thought about my goals as if they had been achieved.
   
   4.Exercise. I usually wait till about 6 or 6:30 to wake my girlfriend up. We take our dogs for a walk and I usually run off midway with our bigger dog (she walks the little dog back to the house). Sometimes I just walk the whole route with everyone. Afterwards I'll either follow up with a workout or hit the shower. Exercise really awakens the body and of all of these things is the most important. I feel like it's great for depression, axiety and many other ailments, but then again I'm not a scientist and don't care to back up this claim for the sake of this post.
   
   
4. Reading. Not necessarily following this order, I'll often read something during the first part of my morning, before exercise (then I can think or talk about it while I jog/walk). I try to find something good on reddit, pick up a book I'm reading, or I'll work on a tutorial (web development, programming) which often involves reading. I avoid the news and negative articles for obvious reasons. Today, this thread was my reading, so it can be anything in my opinion.
   
   
5. Scribing. I usually write last. I try to write something very simple so that I don't lose motivation. The reason that writing is important in the morning is, if you write about the day before you are forced to remember something that would easily be forgotten. Writing also is a good way to do Affirmations and Visualizations, as well as plan out your day. This used to be really hard for me but then I just decided to keep it simple-stupid. So in other words, a few sentences suffices when I'm not in the mood. On the other hand, this morning I wrote a blog post and now I'm writing this. The point is, though, whatever I write doesn't have to be the length of a book.
   
   Speaking of which this post is becoming a book so I'll stop it here. Hope that helps or inspires someone. I recommend the books I've mentioned, but from what I understand Miracle Morning has basically been summed up in this post but like I said I'm enjoying it so far. As far as when you wake up, I think the earlier the better, personally and 6am just does not cut it for me.
   
   Lastly, I should mention a good way to remember the above is the acronym SAVERS. Thats why I didn't put things in order of what I do necessarily, but in the order that fits the acronym.

Hi, 31M, fighting depression, acute social anxiety disorder and suicidal tendencies. I am doing good now. Had a scare a few months ago when a close family member fell really ill, and I really started to put in the effort to turn my life around. It is a work in progress, but I am doing well. My advice:

1. Realize, first and foremost, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is okay. If you are an Introvert, that is perfectly fine, in fact that is a cause for celebration. You see the world runs on profit, on selling you shit you don't need and is actually harmful to you, and you being introvert is bad for business. Being calm, self-aware, introspective means no more impulse purchases, no more stress-eating, no more constant sugar rush, and most importantly no more addictions. Good for you, horrible for selling you supersaturated soda, processed junk food and drugs.
   
   
2. Realize that being shy and socially awkward is not the same as introversion. These often rise from our deep rooted emotions and conflicts, sometimes we are not aware of them. I'll give a simple example, I have lower back pain since childhood. I recently started exercising and found a fantastic fitness channel on YT. I realized that the cause of my pain was that my Glutes are terribly weak, and my Abs are weak too. My back hurts not because there's something wrong with it, but because it is overworked. My back has to put in 3 times the effort just to stabilize my core and help move my spine. Similarly, The real cause of all your emotional distress can be found, and healed, only when you start to exercise. Which means:
   
   
3. Meditate. Common sense, buddy, just as nobody but yourself can gift you with a healthy and athletic body, only you can find joy and happiness in yourself once you clean out all that fear and anxiety in your mind. Of course, a good teacher or a good book helps, just as with exercise. Simple breathing meditation. Sit comfortably. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Focus on the flow of breath. The mind will wander. Gently bring it back. Try it, start with what I did: try to perform just 3 perfect cycles. If you want to understand the scientific basis for why Meditation works, read: The Mind Illuminated | John Yates, Matthew Immergut, Jeremy Graves
   
   Some more reading: If you want to know how meditation helps the mind, read the best book on cognitive therapy:Feeling Good | David Burns.
   
   For instructions on breathing and mindfulness meditation, there are many great resources online. Also check out /r/Meditation.
   
   
4. The one thing, the one attribute that defines us and helps us most in time of need is Willpower. There is this reservoir of strength inside you, an untapped fountain of energy that will sweep away all the uncertainty, fear and pain once you tap into it. Read this: The Will power Instinct | Kelly McGonigal.
   
   
5. Develop some good habits. Wake up early. Keep tidy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat healthy. Read. Habits play a crucial role in forming us, and many of these habits are critical to our success or failure. Read this: The Power of Habit | Charles Duhigg.
   
   
6. Finally, find a goal in your life. A goal that fulfills you, gives you purpose, and makes you whole. We have a word in Sanskrit: 'Samriddhi'. It means physical, mental and spiritual fulfillment. An observation: your financial well-being is a key factor in your happiness, because it directly affects you and your ability to care for and help others. Understanding how money works and how to enjoy a steady and growing flow of income is a key skill that is often neglected. Yes it is a skill that can be learned and trained just like exercise, with just a bit of help from our old friend willpower.
   
   
7. Lastly remember you are not weak, fragile, pushover or any of these silly things. You are good. You are beautiful, strong and confident, and don't you dare think otherwise.
   
   I leave you with this song: Get up! Be good. PM me if you need anything.

I would recommend that you read the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It (link to Amazon).



I read this book two years ago with not much belief in the knowledge shared here. I didn't fully believe or apply the principles, so it wasn't really helpful.



A few months ago, I came across this book again. Difference? I was desperate for change. I felt like my life was unravelling at the seams. I kind of had a similar background as you but with my father. He would literally laugh at my dreams and tell me I would "be overshined by my siblings," and told me I was "always lacking in everything." He is the reason I often fall into patterns of completely disregarding any achievement of mine. A few months ago, this was my typical day: I relived my worst memories once every few hours in attempt to "understand myself" (now I see it was a form of self-sabotage) and I kept telling myself I was strong for getting through these situations, but it didn't change the fact that I felt like a failure every day. I can't say I know exactly what you feel like now, but I can relate.


Okay, so back to the book. I read this with desperation. By then I was already aware of the importance of your mindset and what you tell yourself, but I didn't really know how to translate this knowledge into practice. And then came this book. Simply put, the idea is to tell yourself this one thing over and over again. "I love myself." It doesn't matter if you believe it or not right now. Just do it. Because you will get to a point where you actually value yourself through this seemingly stupid exercise. I have to say I feel better than ever about who I am. I'm just more secure about the person I am. My flaws, my interests, and all. I was socially awkward because I wanted people to like me so badly. Now, I'm not charming anyone by any extent of the word, but I don't feel that pressure to impress someone or make sure they like me anymore. (It's not completely gone, but eight to nine times out of ten, I don't think "what if they don't like me" anymore.) This is one the most effective CBT techniques I have experienced.



Also, a key idea here was to stop any negative thought process from unfolding by saying the words "not important" in your mind. This has been surprisingly helpful, and I don't go the on crazy negative tangents in my mind much anymore.

​

I also recommend you read the book Mindset. It became much easier to make progress and accept that I was making progress in different areas of my life with a growth mindset.

​

Best of luck! I hope you do well. I know you can get over this. I'm saying this as someone who has gone through clinical depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage over the past four years. I'm now thankfully completely recovered from depression and anxiety, and am working to get into university with a scholarship while freelancing. I get depressed and anxious, but it's not the magnitude of mental illness anymore.

​

Remember progress isn't instant. I don't know how negative your thought processes are, but the "instant change" I outline above is just to show you an example of where you might be. You might be mentally somewhere closer to me three years ago when it took a good year and a half to rid myself of my worst thought processes.

​

Good luck!

Not sure about MBCT but a good book on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy: an older version: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/cbt-mbct-difference.htm) is https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336
That’s a great read! Not only it explains what you are going through but reading or listening to the audiobook has been studied and proven to help AS therapy!

I highly recommend it.

Good job being aware of your challenges!

Good job noticing your patterns!

Good job admitting your thoughts!

I feel like you are already quite powerfully advancing toward a strongly useful wisdom.

Practice is simple yet difficult as you already pointed out.

Yet that’s the way: keep moving forward with it.

Finally keep in mind that sometimes this could be attributed to a high personality trait of neuroticism. There is s positive and negative about it.

https://www.psychologistworld.com/personality/neuroticism-personality-trait

One positive part of it is that you are more inclined to be able to care for children or relate to people in need.

Good luck!

It sounds like you are on a road to burn-out. I've crossed the precipice and fallen into that abyss many times. At 31, I finally have some real insights on this subject.

The transition from student to professional can be daunting, and particularly so when you enter into an arrangement that resembles being a student -- i.e., working from home, especially in a research capacity. All of those old pressures come back -- you end up having the same lifestyle/problems as a professional that you did as a student. If you don't develop any better stress and time management mechanisms than you did back then, there's no reason to expect that the outcome will be better or different. Online jobs are especially bad for procrastinators, especially since Web 2.0 and its explicit focus on distracting you.

It sounds like you are employing avoidance as an anxiety-abeyance strategy against the rising tide of work, which never seems to wane no matter how much you work. Then you feel like you are always busy, always behind, always need to be working -- even if you instead spend your time procrastinating, online shopping, etc.

Making endless to-do lists and schedules is another penchant of the avoidant-obsessive personality type. The problem is that the schedules themselves become a visual manifestation of your anxiety, hence you tend to avoid them too, and end up feeling worse.

It might be beneficial for you to go to the office more often, to feel more viscerally-connected to your work and your colleagues. Perhaps you'll find the millieu motivating -- perhaps this is the solution to your problems. But maybe not, because as someone with these tendencies who has worked in an office building, I can tell you that it's just as easy to feel buried in that situation.

The resentment in your relationships, caused by not spending time with them owing to a sense of dread over work un-done, is just going to get worse and result in those relationships withering and dying. I would recommend taking a notebook to the park and trying to understand the root of your work-related issues. It won't happen immediately -- you'll have to devote time to it regularly in order to develop the sort of self-psychoanalytical facilities that allow you to view your self from a detached perspective. Once you figure them out, explain them to your friends and family, so that they might gain a sense that your absence from socializing with them is not personal.

As for how I've dealt with these issues:

• Have a morning ritual to get you ready to go. Although it's obvious, I find that waking up, eating something, showering, brushing my teeth, using mouth rinse, and washing my face brings me from a drowsy, non-alert state to fully on-line and ready to go.
  
  
• Exercise! Every god damned day. No excuses. It provides me with the clarity of mind and energy necessary to approach my work.
  
  
• As you mentioned, sleep is absolutely critical. I try to get up at 8:30 or earlier every day, so that I can put in productive time, and actually feel good about what I have done at the end of the day -- good enough that I don't feel guilty about doing non-work-related things.
  
  
• The book Getting Things Done has a lot of good advice for organization. In particular, write down everything that you need to do in every area of your life, and have it on a piece of paper in a file folder. When it's written down, it's not in your brain floating around causing you anxiety. Make sure your to-do lists are task-oriented and not goal-oriented. For example, "cure cancer" is a goal, not a task. "Read XYZ paper on cancer research" is a task, not a goal. Write each task on its own piece of paper so that you can consider them in isolation without getting overwhelmed by the totality of the work.
  
  
• Keep daily progress reports. Writing down something on a paper that says "DONE" at the top of it lends visceral satisfaction to progress.
  
  
• I find it helpful to regularly re-frame my work. I.e., rather than just having a to-do list of actionable items, I devote some time every day to writing down where I am within a project, where I want to go with the project, and the steps I can take that will get me closest to it.
  
  
• If it is possible for me to work on something off-line (i.e. if I am editing a document, programming, doing mathematics or whatever) I often disconnect my internet connection. If I need to look something up, I either do it on my phone or plug in my internet connection temporarily. Perhaps that isn't an option in your case.
  
  
• If you struggle with getting started on your work, focus on that specifically. Don't spend an hour repeatedly checking Facebook and reddit. Do it once, and then find a way to get your head into your work. Perhaps by reviewing the work you did yesterday, reading your to-do actions, or taking a walk. I like to go to the park with a print-out of yesterday's progress report and my to-do list.
  
  
• Take breaks during the day. Some people like the Pomodoro technique. I tend to work for about two hours at a time, before my eyes start glazing over, at which point I go for a walk around the neighborhood, take care of chores around the house, etc. Anything to take your mind off of work for a bit -- and resist the urge to let your mind wander back until you sit down to work again.
  
  
• Take dedicated time off. When 5/6PM rolls around, you are done for the day. Stop thinking about work. Don't do any work at all on the weekends. Eventually, you will re-frame your thinking so that you come to think that a particular block of hours is dedicated to working, and the rest of life is yours to do as you please. This mindframe itself is beneficial to productivity: given that I only have N hours to work, I certainly want to make the most of them so that I am less buried tomorrow, and can enjoy life even more tomorrow.
  
  
• Don't discount circumstantial factors -- in your introduction story, surely the stress of being in a different country apart from your loved ones was detrimental to your mental state. We like to think that we should be infallible, but circumstances can definitely affect your mood and productivity. For me, I find that keeping my apartment clean (spotless, in fact) is very important. When there is miscellaneous stuff strewn about in my perihperal vision, it leads to anxiety. It makes me view the world as homeostatic, which is not what I need when I need things to change (i.e. the amount of things on my to-do list).
  
  
• If you drink alcohol, it will affect you the next day. Keep it limited to two drinks except for special occasions and the weekend.
  
  You might benefit from books on personal psychology. I found Too Perfect excellent and insightful. The NOW Habit had some useful advice in it as well.

Thank you :) I’ll definitely up that book.



I think a big part of the reason I’m doing so great today is because of my story.



When I began in 1st grade, I wanted no friends. I had no friends, and I got bullied-ish until around 3-4th grade. I used to beat people, and I always wanted to be the “cool” person. At this point, I don’t think I ever cried to any of my "friends".


In 4th grade, I became a nicer person. I will never forgot this year. It was amazing.



However, in 6th grade things were a lil’ off again. Many people at my school, including me began with that “tough act” again. We began joking with the teachers, some tried to smoke, and no one gave a shit about school.



In the end of 6th grade, I met this person. He looked like a nice person. Although, he was two-three years older than I was. We hung out every day. We messed up everything we saw, stole candy from the store, and annoyed people, and so on.




One day, in the middle of 7th grade I decided to drop out of school. When I came home, everyone realized that I have skipped school. The teachers tried to make me admit it for at least 2 weeks, every day. I never admitted it. I have no clue why they really wanted me to admit it so bad, but they destroyed all my connection to teachers. I felt like I they did not like me, ever. We did not have grades, but we had tests. I did terrible.



One year later, I started in 8th grade. I felt like these teachers knew how to handle things. I felt like this was a new start. I really loved school and my life at this time. I became a nice person, and I had brilliant grades. I was in complete shock- that a person with ADHD that has never ever understood much in school could get good grades. It felt great.



Now, I’m in 9th grade. My grades are still all right.
To this day, I’m probably concentrating more in school than the average person in my class.
My life is great, but it’s much to improve.
Just wanted to share this.


Eddit: Found it right here, thanks buddy :)

Boy... those are some big, daunting questions.

But one at a time.


For better study habits, it sounds like procrastination is the problem. Make a big event out of studying, bring whatever materials you need to work on to a little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop or library and just get that one thing done while you're there. Don't bring all of your work just the one most important thing. It may seem a bit overdramatic to make a big deal out of studying by isolating yourself in a study bunker but it makes the work you're about to do feel mission critical. Also if you can do it early in the day, because by night you're going to be tired and just want to relax with TV or hanging out with friends, and stop kidding yourself, life's about those moments not the work that you have to get done for school. So respect yourself and let yourself have some fun when everyone else is, by keeping your nights mostly open and keeping your mornings booked with work. Finally, if it's something like an essay that will take a long time, don't you dare work on it for more than an hour without taking a break.

As far as being a better person in general... I don't really know... Have you tried the golden rule? Do to others what you want them to do to you. I hear it's a good one!

If you want a fantastic book all about best study pratices check out Cal Newport's Straight A Student

If you haven't already, I highly recommend reading Carol Dweck's Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. She and her research lab have found that the attitude you describe - fear of judgment, aversion to risk, need to look smart at all costs, etc. - stems from a mindset that believes one's intelligence is "fixed," that some people are just able to succeed while others are not. She traces the consequences and, more importantly, alternatives to that mindset as well as ways it can be changed.

The upshot odds to reframe your inner conversation away from fixed-intelligence ideas like identity ("this is just who I am"), failure ("failing reflects poorly on me as a person") and judgment ("I need to look good at all costs"), and replace them with narratives that focus on personal development like growth ("this is what I did and how it will help me better myself"), learning ("failing provide me the necessary opportunity to learn"), and progress ("I need to improve at all costs").

I'm in education, and the work of Dweck and her collaborators on this has been very influential in reforming how many of us think about teaching, especially teaching students who don't believe they are capable of learning. It's an inspirational and accessible read, definitely worth your time.

Hi there,

I haven't been exactly where you are, but I have had some similar experiences and I got a lot better.

Therapy was ultimately the biggest factor, but there was something else that really helped tremendously -- a book called Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy. It basically teaches you how to do cognitive-behavioral therapy on yourself.

You clearly feel a lot of shame and feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, being overwhelmed, etc. The key insight of the book (which has been proven to help in empirical studies) is that (1) those feelings are caused by recurring thoughts that you have, and (2) those thoughts are not rational. The book teaches you how to recognize those thoughts and convince yourself that they are not true and the feeling of relief is in my experience very fast and surprisingly strong.

These thoughts are most likely the cause of basically ALL of your problems. Fix the thoughts and you will feel a million times better AND all of the issues you're dealing with will get easier. It will be easier to get a job because you won't be fighting through self-doubt and demotivating thoughts. It will be easier to socialize because you won't believe that people are thinking all kinds of negative things about you AND it wouldn't matter as much to you if they were because your sense of worth won't be dependent on what they think of you but what YOU think of you (and what you think of you would be a lot better.)

Please PM me with info/questions or you just want to talk.

The key element of this process is to first be aware of any emotion you might feel at the present moment. This includes nothing else but awareness, which should be followed by acceptance. All of the feelings you have are there for some purpose and all of them are useful to you as you grapple with reality (regardless of what type of life you live). Acceptance is not easy because we tend to negatively judge ourselves when we notice that, for example, we're procrastinating because we're anxious.

But, this is the way you gradually overcome any emotional process - mindfulness and acceptance. It's an easy idea but one that takes both time and effort. However, eventually, it reaches the place of integration, where you realize and accept that a part of you procrastinates in some circumstances, but you still manage to use that part for something that you actually want. In other words, as you learn to be okay with procrastination, you slowly get to understand it and thus the entire behavior slowly goes away.

If you want to find out more about this process, check out my book on the same subject https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CXBRSVM

Thanks!

First, good on you man. It's hard (maybe folly) to give advice to someone you don't know, so I'll just share what worked for me at your age to now. Around your age I started to journal. I struggled to start and keep routines and recognized that the routine would be helpful so I stuck at it. I felt like I got to formalize a conversation I was absent-mindedly having with myself.

The other thing I did was attempt to calmly observe your mind and experience. It seems clear to me now (but wasn't always the case) that our continuous experience (an unending stream of now) is a projection modeled from the sensory input of our 'senses'. That model is very good, but it's worthwhile to remember that you are just assuming there is a room behind you. You haven't seen it for a couple of minutes and for all likelihood it is still there, but you confidence that anything is 'there' is just a consequence of all the times things continued to be there. Your thoughts and model of yourself is very similar in that we assume it continues to be there without looking at it, but in this case - you've never actually looked at the thing doing the looking and just assume it has to be there all along because ... I guess it would be awkward :/


A couple of reading recommendations

• The Diamond Sutra
  
  
• Plato's Republic
  
  
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
  
  
• Autobiography of Ben Franklin
  
  The 7 Habits Book is written for people your age, but you can equivalently read the 'adult' version titled "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"
  
  I'd also recommend what others have said here about eating well, staying active, learning and reflecting daily (journaling), and deliberately making yourself a little uncomfortable on a routine basis. Also find and hone your art, whatever that may be.

The two things that have improved my sleep issues the most are giving up caffeine and using a light box.

Caffeine never kept me up at night, so I resisted giving it up for years. But when I finally gave it up for a month as an experiment I found I needed less sleep, and it was so much easier to wake up in the mornings.

The light box is a new addition, but it's been amazing. The trick for me is to use it as soon as I wake up for about thirty minutes. It helps me wake up in the morning, but most importantly I find it so much easier to fall asleep at a reasonable time. I didn't expect that, so it was a pleasant discovery.

Good luck!

You should read the Artist's Way, it's about exactly what you're feeling!

The author has helped dozens of people gradually rebuild their creative spirit from being crushed (due to parents, work, failure) through guided daily journaling, exercises, steps, and explanations about all the barriers that will get in one's way.

The book definitely has flaws and is not the only book you need to be actionable in creating something, but I think it's a good one for building and strengthening your creative foundation.

Best of luck!

I may be talking out of my arse here, but I believe that research has been done into habit and it isn't just a psychological thing but your brain literally shapes itself around a habit. The more you do a thing the stronger the connections in your brain. (Obviously I've forgotten the technical language.)

By forming a new habit, you create new connections / paths in your brain. The good / bad news is, the more you do something the stronger those connections become. Good because it allows you to form new habits. Bad because it's harder to shake bad habits because they're literally part of your brain. (Again, I may be talking out of my arse.)

There's a good book about habits called The Power Of Habit if anybody is interested in a modern take on habit. It's not really a self-help book and more like one of those interesting pop-science books with a lot of interesting case studies. Such as how companies create habits to help sell their brand or how habits are used by winning sports teams.

That 32 hour number sounds really close to the amount of time that I feel best at.

As for how I track time, I've gone through lots of variants, the last being inspired by a really great book call "The Now Habit" and the system called the Unschedule.

It's basically just a table that represents your week, but most importantly you only schedule stuff you have to do like eat and sleep, and fun stuff. You then fill the empty remaining space with work as you do it.

In the books it's assumed that you do it on paper, I do it on my galaxy note phone with the stylus. I color code everything. Here is an example.

I would highly recommend the book and figure out your own ways to implement it. I like using my phone stylus because it is fast, always on me, and easy to edit.

I wrote an article on my site on how to achieve rock solid self discipline, but I'll explain a bit here.

When people say "college is the best time of your life", it means that you have the time to create anything you want. If you want to plant the seeds of a business, you can do it. If you want to read other books outside of class, you can do it. If you want to go take a road trip with your buddies, you can do it.

Anything you set your mind to, you can do.

In this world, things are brought about through a three step process. You must think about it, then you must say it, then you must do it.

You "think" about being disciplined. You write down that you want to be disciplined, then you act like a disciplined person.

What does a disciplined person look like to you? Visualize him in your mind's eye. How does he interact with people? His world?

Then, write down an area where you could improve your discipline. Let's take sleep. Write down - "I will get up at ____ every day".

You think about this...you talk about it...then you do it.

Just the big red button. Pull the trigger. Press start to begin.

Put your phone/alarm as far away from your bed as possible. Then you'll have to walk up to turn it off. Once you turn if off, go and drink a lot of COLD water. That will wake you up.

Do this consistently for at least 30 days. Then you will start to form a habit within the brain.

You will follow a cue, then do a routine, and the end state is a habitual action.

Check out The Power of Habit for more info on this.

Since you can't put more hours into the day, one of those items is going to have to give if you expect to give the friend more time on that day.

You could fit the friend into the same time slots that you do those items, you could just flat out reduce how much time you give those items, or you could get more efficient in doing items.

I've already posted my initial thoughts on squeezing the friend into your time slots (phone calls, study together, eat one of your meals like breakfast/lunch/dinner together) without changing them, and thoughts on reducing the time for the others (exercise, morning routine) that seem like they can be reduced.

So the last thing I can advise is getting more efficient with your studying since that seems to be sucking up a lot of time. And for that, I'll share this book (especially chapter 2) and this book by Cal Newport.

There's quite a good book all about getting up in the morning called "The Miracle Morning" which helped me a lot. I've included the links at the bottom.

Basically, it teaches a routine called S.A.V.E.R.S., which is 10 minutes of each of these:

Silence (Meditation)
Affirmation
Visualization
Exercise
Reading
Scribing (Journalling)

Doesn't have to be in that order, but the "S.A.V.E.R.S." thing helps you to remember it.

One of the best lessons I learnt from it was that if you're having an issue of continually hitting the snooze button in the morning, then you probably hate waking up in the morning. So why do it multiple times every morning instead of just doing it once and getting up. Hope that's useful to someone.

http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Morning-Not-So-Obvious-Guaranteed-Transform/dp/0979019710/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458498898&sr=8-1&keywords=miracle+morning

Or the Audible version, which you can get with a free trial:

http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/The-Miracle-Morning-Audiobook/B00CLCNROG/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1458498993&sr=1-1

The solution to your problems is quite simple: make a list of things that you need/want to do, then just fucking do it. Yep, there, I said it. I know it sounds harsh. But after years of reading, researching, and experimenting, I've found that precisely this is what it all boils down to: just. fucking. do. it. We end up building all kinds of mental scaffolds around the concept, with tricks and rewards and what not, but it all boils down to the same in the end.

Having a system in place to help you "just fucking doing it" can help tremendously, especially in the beginning. If you're willing to put in some time to work through them, I recommend The Now Habit, and Getting Things Done. Each of these books presents a different approach to productivity. You don't have to implement either system verbatim. Learn from them, try out things that sound interesting, and over time, build your own system.

Building and sticking to your system is a habit you will have to build. If that kind of thing is hard and/or interesting for you, please read The Power of Habit.

Don't just read them once and put them away. Read them, then take notes, then go over them again, and refer back to them every time you find something is lacking in your system. Don't read them cover to cover. They're quite long, and drag their feet through some sections. Skim them, check the index, and read through what sounds interesting, then go back and fill in the gaps if necessary.

1) Rise Early

The same time, every day.

It's very difficult to make oneself get up earlier than one has to. It feels good when you do it!

What to do with that time? Exercise is good. If nothing else, I'll sneak out of bed and do simple bodyweight exercises. The Miracle Morning is a small book with some really good ideas on how to spend the morning as well.

This guy posts a picture of his watch at 4:30 every morning before his daily workout. What are you doing at 4:30?

Full disclosure: I caught a monster infection this week, so I justifiably fell off the wagon hard. I slept in today. Ready to get back on it.

2) Cold Showers

These are awesome.

I can't find the ones I own (I actually stepped on my pair, but my mom is lending me a set) but these look about right, for some reason I didn't see many orange ones when I looked for cataract sunglasses. Anything advertised to block blue light will help. I don't use them every night but when I feel wired they really get me back into bed time mode. I also use them when I have a migraine or when I need driving sunglasses. It's seriously the best $10 I've ever spent!

I can't believe I didn't mention this, but programs like twilight or f.lux will help reduce blue light from your laptop and phone! I know you don't use them at night but I think they start with the amber shift pretty early in the day so it might still help.

Have you heard of Cal Newport? He talks a lot about what organizational skills and study habits you need to develop (and how to develop them) to succeed in college. Read his book "How to be a straight a student". You should be able to get it free from the library. His blog also contains a lot of the same material. Check out the posts linked at the bottom of this page. I recommend the book, since it's a concise way to absorb all the information.

Treat this as a learning experience. What can you do differently now that'll help you succeed? Does your school has a student success center that focuses on teaching students study skills? What about a tutoring center? A writing center? Make appointments at these places and gather resources to get yourself back on track.

>What does your average day look like now?

Right now, I am doing summer co-op, but I can tell you what my average day looked like a couple of months ago.


Monday - Friday

6:00 AM - 7:10 AM Wake up and get ready.

7:10 AM - 8:20 AM Leave house and commute.

8:20 AM - 8:30 AM Find a lonely place at the most abandoned floors at my uni library.

8:30 PM - 6:30 PM Study intensely. For every 50 minutes of heavily-focused study, I take exactly 10 minutes of break. I have 1 hour lunch break and two half-hour breaks in addition to the 10 minute breaks that I get. Moreover, if I have any mandatory labs, then I go to the labs and treat then as part of my break (since I don't actually do anything during labs because I've already mastered the content weeks before they start covering it in labs).

6:30 PM - 7:40 PM Commute back home.

7:40 PM - 10:30 PM Program (I find it relaxing) or play video-games. I still don't touch League of Legends or any MOBAs, RPGs or any time-sink games for that matter. I mainly play Blacklight Retribution (matches are only 10 minutes long and provide maximum action/fun per minute spent imo). I still have a very, very bad taste in my mouth when it comes to LoL. I am very bitter: just hearing the name pisses me off.

10:30 PM - 6:00 AM Sleep.



Saturday

8:00AM - 11:00 AM Wake up.

Noon At this point, I have just arrived at the local library.

Noon - 5:00 PM or 6:00 PM How long I study for depends on how much work I need to do. Again, 1 hour lunch break and 10 minutes of break for every 50 minutes of focus study.

6:00 PM - 10:00 PM Leisure time.

10:00 PM Sleep.



Sunday: Day off or same schedule as Saturday.


I do not attend lectures (this goes against Cal Newport's advice). I do not know why he recommends to go to lectures, but I don't find them useful because anything you'll learn in lectures is weeks behind what you are currently learning.


Pro-tip: follow my schedule from day 1 of the semester and you won't believe how much ahead you'll be. Pirate your textbooks before class starts. One pit-fall that I made once was that I spent my first 3 weeks of the semester studying the first chapter. Don't make the same mistake. I did pretty much every single question in the textbook for the first chapter and it was a huge regret because the mid-term didn't even cover the first chapter. Calibrate your pacing so that you're doing at least 1 chapter per week for every course (or whatever pacing you require for your program; I'm in engineering).


>What from his blog did you find most useful?


I am sorry that I am not going to spoonfeed you articles, but I will tell you this: http://www.amazon.ca/How-Become-Straight-A-Student-Unconventional/dp/0767922719 was the best $20 I've spent in my life.


Note: following his advice is not easy. It will require to make huge lifestyle changes depending on what your lifestyle currently is. Once you understand his philosophy of maximum efficiency, in my experience, school will become easy and you'll feel as if a massive weight has been lifted from your shoulder.

You should really read "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It is truly revolutionary - I'm reading it right now and I feel like the keys to understanding life have just been handed to me.

Also I do think that you should follow the advice of other posters and consider getting help. If you need help finding a purpose in life read this, it can definitely help.

Good luck OP

I used a bluelight. It simulates traveling, and creates a sensation of mental well being. You set the light to the side, and set the intensity. It creates a sensation of walking / traveling while you are working or whatever.

https://www.amazon.com/Philips-GoLITE-Energy-Therapy-HF3422/dp/B00M3SGCUE/ref=sr_1_6_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1501198761&sr=8-6&keywords=blue+light

The original one was called a "golight" but is very hard to get now.

Humans have a desire to get up and travel every day for food, exploration, etc. The light simulates that
and it creates a mental state that is very pleasant. Don't overdo the brightness or time, more is not better. If you use it too long you feel like you have sunstroke. Quite amusing.

I have a couple of books to suggest reading that have helped me a lot with that issue. The first one is Mindset, by Carol Dweck and it approaches the concept of growth mindset VS fixed mindset. To its core, the idea is that a growth mindset is more inclined to try new things out, sees practice as a necessary exercise to get better at something, and sees mistakes/failures as lessons to take in stride.

This book helped me a lot because I find that we live in a time where as members of the Western Society (sorry if I assumed wrongly), we expect to a) be successful at everything we try and b) get everything instantly. The problems with these assumptions is that we usually suck at anything we start, and because we realise we're crap and can't get the results instantly, we think we've failed and we become unhappy.

If you ever watch East Asian dramas or read mangas or watch animes (slightly gross generalisation, sorry if I offend), there is usually an element of growth. The main character will fail at something, but eventually keep practicing until they get there. They don't focus on the end result, but on the process of learning, of making mistakes and learning lessons from them. We've forgotten how to do that, and instead of being encouraged to persevere past our mistakes, we're just told to find something else we're good at, which is counter-productive given that we're usually not good at anything we've never done before.

The second book will sound a little soppy, but I definitely think it's worth a read. It's Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff and the premise is simply to be more accepting of yourself and your mistakes (not in a lovey-dovey way, just "ok cool, I fucked up, time to move on"). She posits that self-esteem isn't as useful as self-compassion because self-esteem usually means you have to make yourself feel better by comparing yourself with someone/something else ("Oh look, I must be so good at this because everyone else is rubbish), which means you are still somehow reliant on external factors. This is not an ideal situation because you're still subject to fear of failure or rejection by others.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, helps you see that everyone makes mistake, and it not only helps you learn to be kinder towards yourself (this is especially important if you find yourself criticising yourself and blaming yourself for not doing something because you've been procrastinating), it also helps you be more accepting of others, because you realise we're all the same. This is especially helpful to learn to deal with other people's judgement, because you can see that what they say and how they act towards you is a reflection on themselves, not you (if I'm an arse to someone on the tube, I was probably impatient or annoyed with something, for example).

It does sound a little wishy-washy, but I think it's self-compassion that truly helps someone understand that everyone makes mistakes, and that when you make one, not only should you remember that someone has almost definitely made a worse one, but also that you can move on from it, so it's ok to fuck up. With a growth mindset, you'll learn to be ok with making mistakes, and maybe even seek to make them when you realise you learn by failing and not by succeeding (well, most of the time). You may also become more comfortable with uncertainty and seek regular practice in a subject rather than trying it once and deciding it's not for you because you're not good at it.

Another thing is to learn to be humble. We're always told we can do anything if we set our mind to it, and that we're all special snowflakes, but we're not. If you want to become a special snowflake, you've got a long way to go. So start from the bottom and work your way up. Always listen to advice, even if you've heard it before, or you think it's rubbish, because someone tried to help and it could help you learn. By being humble you don't fall off your pedestal of self-made-up glory because you don't think you're the shit, you're just yourself and if you want to achieve something, you know it'll take efforts, failures and time (always, if it doesn't, there's a catch). There's nothing wrong with not being a special snowflake or not being the shit. You'll still have your friends and family, at the end of the day!

Also, people are not against you, they're for themselves. They won't give a toss about your failures or your accomplishments past telling you sorry/congratulations, because we're all self-centered. So don't look at how much greener the grass is on the other side of the fence, focus on making your own grass greener.

OP, I'd also recommend reading the book where this concept came from: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That one book has helped me more than any amount of advice I've ever been given. Being 20 myself, I know exactly what you're going through, the world is a fucking great big scary place and it feels like you should be doing 10 million things at once. But you also feel as if you're too incompetant to even get started.

Instead of worrying about the future, instead ask yourself "what do I want to do RIGHT NOW?". The future seems miles away, but, if you could be doing anything right now, what would that be? It doesn't matter about being qualified, it doesn't matter if you want to spend your life doing it or not, cos you don't have to. You can drop anything at any time. Just have a think about the thing that you would most like to do right now and make a step towards it. I think this old comment of mine pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say. Especially watch the video, if you don't do anything else, WATCH THIS VIDEO

You have so much more life ahead of you than you've already lived, there's no need to feel pressured to get it all done right now. So far, you've only really had 2 years of freedom, if any at all. You have 40 ahead of you with which to do what you want, and that's if you decide to retire. Take it one step at a time, there is no rush.

Sorry for butting in /u/blue_fitness and I hope this helps you /u/konstabro :)

I always struggle with motivation and direction, even as an adult. I figured that it's all about the conversation you have in your head and fixing that. Here are a few things that help me on a daily basis.

​

Great book on mindset Breaking the habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094

​

This is a great app for daily motivation and mindset. Personally, i cannot meditate so this helps. https://getmotivateapp.com

​

When I was in a dark place this blog helped me a lot https://jamesaltucher.com .

​

Good luck!

This Reddit post and this book helped me tremendously. Of course, this would be for future semesters in your case.

I recommend you speak with your professors as soon as possible, and tell them about what's going on. The worst that can happen is they'll tell you that you can't make up assignments, which is already going to happen even if you don't talk with them. If you get lucky, some may give you a little leeway. Take this chance to get some work done to the best of your ability by applying some of the steps discussed in the post I linked.

If nothing can be done with assignments, just do your best to finish off strong with finals. Even if you fail, you can use this as a learning opportunity if you retake the classes, so you know what to expect the next time those exams come around.

If shit hits the fan and things don't go well, it's just a semester. The important thing here is not to beat yourself up, and do research on how you can be a better, more disciplined student in the remainder of your schooling. If you're anything like me, this will take a lot of work.

Also, does your school offer counseling/therapy? I know some do, and it's typically included in tuition. Might be worth looking into.

Daily tasks

• body weight exercises
  
• back and leg strengthening exercises
  
• eat healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner
  
  Irregular tasks
  
  
• visit cfmeu building and ask about work
  
• Ask supervisor about employment opportunities either under him or elsewhere?
  
  
  
• buy depression supplements including 'saffron' and light
  
• Cut out Y.Yang from your interest list, she's not into the same things as you and remember the Y.Lai experience, it gets draining but hard to leave. People are addictive after all..
  
• Cut 'Bain from your interest list, since she's incredible but her nose is not ideal and she doesn't know/like to let to dance (or hasn't demonstrated so yet!). But, her mind is really special. Friend her for that intelligence and her character! Wow.
  
• Cut Catherine from your interest list since you felt kinda bored and not totally proud when you hung out....I guess..reluctantly, you should do the same for Raj* for the same reasons :<...fitness won't help a face.
  
  
• insight, become less grandiose
  
• insight, go from pick up artist to boyfriend material
  
• apply to become a psychepi here or there
  
• buy running track pants that I can wear under my other pants for warmthy (actually, don't do this - save money)
  
• consider upgrading formal, walking, running and hiking shoes in one go (actually, don't do this - save money)
  
• use debit card statement to track expenses, but cancel transefrs from one of my own accounts https://www.mint.com/
  
• get warm but manouverable gloves maybe from aussie disposals or similar
  
• ask the low cost dentist at uni about jaw...
  
  Heroic task
  
  
• Complete then submit for assessment (first draft submission) and feedback from classmates 7 Lesswrong-complice pomos of scientific research (both musculoskeletal and psychiatric research projects) 3 pomo sci done
  
  posthoc
  
  
• cut down possessions and property
  
• upgrade your engagement as appropriate

If I may make a recommendation for some reading, there are three very good books that may apply here.

• Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns. It's a book that teaches you how to do cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself to deal with depression and anxiety, but it's useful pretty much any time you're feeling bad and having repeating negative thought patterns.
  
• No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A Glover about how to be more assertive and express you needs and desires properly.
  
• Daring Greatly by Brene Brown about the power of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and how it can improve how you feel about yourself and your relationship with other people.
  
  The three of those books together could do great things to aid your confidence and assertiveness, as well as help you cope with the negative thought patterns that seem to be overwhelming you right now.

Discipline = self-control = willpower. I really like Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierny. There's some science, some psychology, pop culture, actionable advice, and good writing. There's also Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. I've read both and Baumeister's book is better hands down. At least that's my opinion. But read both if you're curious.

Beyond that I recommend avoiding the vortex that is "self-help" books. They can just as easily waste your time and become as addicting as any other form of escapism. You can feel good by reading about discipline and productivity without actually doing anything about it. Read one book 1 or 2 books. And spend most of your time experimenting with your own life.

Firstly, as most people here have rightly pointed out, starving yourself is the worst thing you can go. Glucose metabolism has a lot to do with levels of motivation.

Motivation has everything to do with willpower. Yeah you can take life lessons from people. But better than that would be to understand and break down the concept of Willpower itself. You need to recognize it, conserve it and learn how to wield it efficiently.

So I recommend you what I recommend to everyone who asks about similar topics. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. No other book breaks down better the science behind willpower and its implications in everyday life. Once you understand the fundamentals of willpower, you can work it, morph it, and strengthen it.

Be good at something!

I just started reading a book called "So good they can't ignore you", the author's premise is that "Passion comes after you put in the hard work to become excellent at something valuable, not before."

So check this out, I've just finished a half dozen books on habit change.

The good news, attempting to change any habit creates this cascading effect that makes subsequent habit change easier.

I too am an aspiring writer and the first habit that I started that created massive change in my life was writing in my journal every day. So, I'd recommend this (buy the artist's way fucking today and do the pages along with it.)

I wrote a post for this sub that did well last week that talks about establishing a habit that you may enjoy.

I think it's pretty universal. Most people struggle with SOMETHING. I could never fight past the feeling of being tired all the time. I was trying to run a business and do all this non-profit stuff, but I also needed to keep 3 jobs to pay all my bills (business wasn't exactly booming!).

I think trying to change everything at once is a mistake. I turned myself around (that is to say, am still turning myself around) by getting very focused on what I'm doing in the moment, and always working off my long term plan.

There are a TON of awesome books out there too. I see a great one was already recommended but I'll second that:

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

From a great book I read called "The Now Habit", the author talks at length at one point about how procrastination is in large part a fear of failure. We're so scared of doing something poorly that we often put it off and don't do it at all. (there's more to it than that, but my main point is the next part):

In that sense, one of the scariest things about a large project, or assignment, is that we look at it as one huge CHUNK of shit to do. We think about "I need to finish this assignment" or "I should have completed my homework by now" and what not. This causes our mind to almost shut down and simply refuse to go on. You think about this multitude of SHIT you have to start, and you can't handle it, and thus procrastinate.

In order to avoid this from happening, a great thing to do can be to break everything you need to do down into small steps. The author of the book I mentioned writes at length about how one should always aim to "start" something, rather than to finish. If you say "I want to finish this essay today" you are giving yourself a huge expectation you may not be able to accomplish. Even if you have only the conclusion to do, you should "start" on your first sentence of that conclusion. Even if you have 2 sentences left to write, you "start" on that last sentence.

If you have a huge load of math assignments, a lot of reading and stuff to do, think less about "finishing" and more about "starting".

Saying to yourself "I will start this chapter" will sound a lot better and more reasonable to a pressured mind than. "I must finish this book today".

An amazon link to the book can be found here, if you decide you would like to read it:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination/dp/1585425524/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1414962337&sr=8-1&keywords=the+now+habit

I bashed this answer out quite fast, if there's anything you'd like to ask me, or to elaborate on, just say.

Consider checking out light therapy.

This sucker changed my life (don't use the "ionizer" part, though): https://www.amazon.com/NatureBright-SunTouch-Light-Therapy-package/dp/B000W8Y7FY/

It seems like a highly personal thing, but 30 minutes in front of the light box every morning has helped fix my sleep cycles like nothing else, and it's better than relying on supplements to get to bed. 14 hours after my session I feel like a tranq dart hit me. If you try it out, give it a few weeks; you can always just return it if it doesn't work for you.

As for waking up feeling like garbage, that can be a blood sugar thing... try a few spoonfuls of almond butter right before bed, or some oatmeal.

I'm going to recommend you a book here: Cal Newport's So Good They Can't Ignore You. If it's too expensive to buy, go check it out at your local library for free.

It's a short read and it'll put you on the right direction to a much better life. If you are REALLY lazy and don't want to read a book at all, I'll tell you what you need to know in one sentence:

> Keep developing rare and valuable skills and you will never go hungry.

Here's a good detailed summary and review from entrepreneur Derek Sivers: https://sivers.org/book/SoGood

I know it might seem counterintuitive to offer someone who is having trouble focusing and reading a book recommendation, but I had a similar (though less serious) situation a few months ago when I came across the book The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Caar. In addition to cultivating healthy habits that have been offered here, I'd suggest looking over some of Carr's work. I felt that a deeper understanding of how my use of technology affects my brain helped me limit my personal Internet usage, increase my focus, and allowed me to get back into reading with a stronger passion.

It sounds like fix #1 is more sleep.

Lame as it may sound, 8 hours of sleep is hugely different than 3 or even 5. Set the alarm for turning off the computer and just do it man. I'm sure there are auto-shutoff functions, but I say turn the computer off yourself. It's a sign of your own commitment to change. You can push one button to start a better life.

I find everything else seems easier if I get enough sleep. Without it, stuff seems difficult and unimportant and I drift back into a bad mindset. It took me a long time to recognize that those thoughts were a lie... just a lack of sleep in disguise.

From there, I'd probably recommend a simple calendar+task list system like Cal Newport recommends in the Straight A Student, though others like David Allen's more detailed Getting Things Done methodology.

But start with getting good sleep. Commit to it for a week and see how it goes.

These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.

Deep Work

So Good They Can't Ignore You

And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.

I wake up about 2.5 hours before work. I follow The Miracle Morning pretty closely. It has six rituals: exercise, meditation, journaling, visualization, affirmations and reading. After I do each of these for about 10 minutes I pack lunches for me and my wife and iron my outfit for the day. Then I pick a good podcast and do my 15 minute walk to the train for work. It really helps me focus and have a productive work day.

At night I usually go to the gym around 8 and get home at 9. I shower, take a melatonin, hang out with my wife for a bit and go to bed.

Seeing as you have a lot of good replies already I want to say first I've been there. And I also wand to recommend reading and following "the artists way". It's a great way to help get you to feel unstuck. The Artist's Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585421464/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_HklDxbCBE1W2D

I struggled a lot with this too. I tried putting my cell phone far away from me when I went to sleep so I would have to get up to turn it off; I tried the alarm apps with the crazy captchas that made me do math before it would turn off (I would just sleepily wind up removing the battery, and eventually got good at drowsy math)... I even tried the crazy-loud alarm clocks made for deaf people..... Nothing worked.

I would up taking a shotgun approach to this as well.

I started off with some very cool looking blue-blocking glasses that I would religiously start wearing once it was sundown, and wouldn't take off until I went to bed. I would take some melatonin at the same time as well.

Now, the real pièce de résistance was a sunlamp--of which there are many kinds that I used alongside the Sleep as Android phone app. There's a specific captcha on there called "Let there be light" that forces you to turn on a lamp before the alarm will turn off. By adjusting the sensitivity I made it so that only the INCREDIBLY BRIGHT sun lamp would turn it off, which combined with the sun lamp finally did the trick. By the time the alarm had turned off, I really did start feeling invigorated by the bright light.

Don't feel like you need to jump in to the deep end and wake up at 6:30 right away. Set realistic goals, and once you establish a rhythm you can adjust times based on your schedule.

Best of luck, friendo!

Yeah I was going to recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy too. Reading Feeling Good and doing the triple column technique most days really helped get rid of:

>I even know that some of the thoughts I have are not at all rational but I cannot stop the thoughts from coming.

Meditation also helped me a lot, but that's more to stay present and not let the negative thoughts bother you.

And yeah a therapist could probably help a lot. And of course eating right, exercising, staying busy with hobbies etc. is all good advice too.

The "don't go to sleep for a night and go to bed early the next day" advice won't work for you if you have Delayed Phase Sleep Syndrome.

The only solution that worked for me (and my situation was almost desperate) was changing my eating patterns (particularly the timing) and avoiding blue light spectrum after sunset. Your body should associate light + socializing + food with the time of the day you should be awake. If you stay in front of your computer at night watching videos and eating the brain and body think it's daytime and your schedule will get really messed up.

1. The blue light spectrum blocks the realease of melatonin and interferes with your sleep patterns. Buy blueblock glasses (http://www.amazon.com/Uvex-S1933X-Eyewear-SCT-Orange-Anti-Fog/dp/B000USRG90/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458086898&sr=8-1&keywords=blue+blocker+glasses)
   and wear them after sunset if you are at home (it is very important to avoid watching computer and mobile screens in the evenings before bedtime...I do it anyways but ALWAYS wear the glasses). Upon waking up, go for ten minutes under the sun, or get the room very bright (you can buy a blue light spectrum device such as http://www.amazon.com/Philips-GoLITE-BLU-Energy-Light/dp/B00M3SGCUE/ref=sr_1_10_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1458086966&sr=8-10&keywords=blue+light).
   
   
2. If you need a miracle: Do a 16 hour fast before your intended awaking time to reset your circadian rythm. Then eat immediately upon waking up. (This guy explains it better than me: https://www.reddit.com/r/sleep/comments/1pzoic/intense_fatigue_during_daytime_unrestful_sleep/)
   
   In theory one day should be enough. One day didn't work for me, but I have severe Delayed Phase Sleep Syndrome, my situation was desperate, and nothing worked...this literally changed my life. I did it for several days. Usually nowadays I don't eat after 18:30pm. if I'm at home. and I eat as soon as I'm awake
   
   
   Apologies for my English. If this helped you, please help me improve my English by correcting my mistakes.
   
   

What you mention is something that affects almost everyone, including myself. It's in our nature to go for the short term gain (immediate and emotional benefits) versus the long term reward(which requires more logical thinking).

For books, here's one called The power of habit. It breaks down how to form habits and how to chunk long term goals into smaller near term pieces as well as some of psychology behind it. Highly recommend a read :).

I have to ask though, what are your long term goals? can you be more specific? the more specific you can be the easier it would be to formulate specific actionable items to achieve them.

This book has a great 8 week program. Even if you don't do the program, it can help to do the reading. I actually would recommend getting it from the library-- that way you have motivation to read it before it needs to be returned.

I would read this summary of The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. If you want to go deeper and read the book I would recommend either purchasing the ebook, which is only $3, or getting a free trial of audible and getting it for free.

The thing that you have to understand is that we are creatures of habit, and most of them are bad. The best thing to do is to get a pen and a notepad and every time you notice a cue for a bad habit, write it down. Simply being aware of your bad habits is a great place to start. Then I would read the summary and make a plan for being more productive. Everyone is different so you may want to read the book for more insights.

More books that come highly recommended:

Deep Work by Cal Newport

Eat That Frog by Brian Tracey

Mastery by Brian Greene

Hope this helps

You also may want to check out the Discord server of r/getdisciplined. You can find it here

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Self-discipline requires willpower, and the book explains how willpower works and how you can optimise it.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

Same boat, man; my eyes tend to skip around paragraphs and sentences trying to get the 'gist' of something, not like real reading.

If it's not too weird to recommend a book to someone having trouble with reading - I'd really recommend The Shallows; What The Internet Is Doing To Our Brains. There are audio versions of it, if that helps!

It really put into perspective how your daily habits influence the way your mind works, and vice versa. Really interesting, 100% recommend.

For some weird reason they don't make very many that are actual alarm clock ones like this that you can set to turn on at a specific time, so they're a little harder to find. This is the one I have, but it looks like it's unavailable now, sorry. :/ You might be able to find another one though, or just google the brand and maybe it's somewhere besides Amazon?

You can find tons of light alarm clocks like this one that I also have (except it wasn't such a ridiculous price when I bought it—wtf?), which are helpful and nice, but they're just regular lamps and not the super strong blue light, so they won't have quite the same effect. If you just need a little help though, it could be good. Just make sure you know what you're getting—if it doesn't explicitly say 10,000 lux somewhere, you're getting just a regular lamp alarm clock like this one.

This is the one I use at my desk, but you have to turn it on manually. So you could have your alarm go off, then turn it on, then lay there for a while, but that's not quite as helpful as having it light up gradually while you're sleeping.

I just read this book on the subject, which is written by a science writer and a research psychologist and has lots of great, experiment-based information on how your brain works with regard to self-control, and how you can capitalize on that to get the most out of the willpower you do have.

If I remember the writers' arguments correctly, the answer to your question comes down to two basic factors: genetics and practice.

Just as with other attributes, how much willpower you start with is heavily dependent on your genetics.

But also like other skills and strengths, willpower can be grown with consistent practice. Even little tests of self-control, like banning yourself from swearing or self-enforcing good posture, can increase your mental stamina for making choices that are immediately unpleasant but gratifying on the long term.

I think the biggest thing to tackle is the negative self-talk. It doesn't matter how successful or unsuccessful you are if you constantly treat yourself as a failure and let others who call you a failure get to you. You are not a failure; you have made mistakes and failed. You are not garbage; you might have taken actions that aren't that great, but that doesn't make you a garbage person. Don't let your sense of self-worth get tied up in your schooling, and don't let others tear you down.

If you can, I'd recommend attending therapy, if only as an outlet for your thoughts and feelings. I went to therapy and it changed my life. Don't worry if people make fun of you for it; you're making you and better you, don't let others get to you.

One of the best books I found for dealing with negative self-talk and how it affects your work is The Now Habit. I'd highly recommend it!

I see someone's familiar with David Allen. "Getting Things Done" for the uninitiated. Basically, 'do the easy stuff first, the stuff that takes little to no effort to clear off your plate, so that you're free to better focus on the priorities.'

Read this book on willpower and self-control: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143122231/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1467663807&sr=8-8&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=self+control&dpPl=1&dpID=51x4I7%2BlBGL&ref=plSrch

It's great and has helped me. One interesting detail is that discipline in one area of life (say, you start to get out of bed early) tends to have a spillover effect in others (you'll find that your self-control with, for example, your diet improves too). So start small and go from there.

I'm currently reading The Willpower Instinct, which is also suggested in the link for the book that you describe. It's an awesome book, and so far would recommend it to anyone. I'll make sure to check Baumesiter's when I finish this one.

Sounds like ur circadian rhythm is off. Use a special lamp in the mornings. Turn on 30 minutes before getting out of bed and lie down facing the lamp on your bedside table.

Lightphoria 10,000LUX Energy Light Lamp https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004JF3G08/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_k9i.ub04XX0EQ
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004JF3G08/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_k9i.ub04XX0EQ

You could also try a low carb diet, a lot of people say it really helps with energy. It definitely helped me. Whenever i eat a lot of carbs, i want to sleep for 12 hours and i feel exhausted. I eat a ketogenic diet. One doesn't have to eat low carb just for weight loss, there are a lot of other benefits.

Studying 8-12 hours is NOT good. Start working out and I recommend these books:

https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042700&sr=8-1&keywords=so+good+they+can%27t+ignore+you

https://www.amazon.com/Peak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise/dp/0544456238/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042708&sr=8-1&keywords=peak


https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042776&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit

https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Penguin-Classics-Lucius-Annaeus/dp/0140442103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042852&sr=8-1&keywords=seneca


So, the idea is learn HOW to learn. Leisure is important and healthy for everyone.

If your serious about improving yourself this is a step in the right direction.

EDIT: www.calm.com go there and be.

I recently discovered that auto-hiding the taskbar helps a lot by removing all the distracting icons from my field of view.

I've also read some books on habits and something as simple as seeing a chrome or firefox icon can subconsciously trigger a desire or even a craving to visit a website that you find rewarding.

Also I actually completely disagree about the benefits of the pomodoro system(I've tried it several times also) because it creates a distracting environment because you're now constantly checking it, wondering how much time you have left. Also the pomodoro system cements the rewarding behavior of checking internet, ect whatever you do when you procrastinate by offering you these consistent 5 minute breaks.

Your true goal should be to find your work rewarding itself, to the point where you don't want a break.

So auto-hiding the taskbar also solves that problem of constantly checking the time by getting rid of your clock. Don't think about time, just try to get lost in whatever you need to do. Forget about the outside world. that is the goal. Anything that reminds you about the outside world is a distraction.

In regards to stopping bad habits and creating good habits, the one book I cannot recommend enough is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It can change your life.

Motivation doesn't last. It takes to much mental energy. You should read The Powe of Habit http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X. Has some great insight into how habits are formed and what makes them so effective.

Yes, very relevant.

Incidentally, I just yesterday started reading The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. She gives a fresh perspective on the matter on willpower, describing it as a semi-autonomous psychological and physiological mechanism that complements the more primitive "fight or fligh" reflex and helps us "pause and plan".

I'm only third of the way through, but so far I'm very impressed. I've never been happy with the idea of self-discipline, and for me this is the first persuasive description of how willpower works and why it's worth looking into.

I highly recommend this one: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.

What makes it special is that it's not a book of thought exercises or empty self-help crap, it's an overview and interpretation of the latest scientific research on human willpower. Well written and extremely illuminating. I read it twice, and I very rarely do that.

Look, everyone is right that it's easy to fall into the trap of procrastinating by trying to learn how not to procrastinate but the truth is that it can also be helpful to learn some practical techniques.

I would suggest The Now Habit by Neil Fiore

Dude, you gotta get this book - https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X

It's life changing. Yeah that may be a strong word but you're on the right track to fully appreciate it. It will fill in the gaps about what you know about habits and discipline.

Read So Good They Can't Ignore You. It covers a lot of the material discussed in this thread. Hopefully it'll help you out.

The Miracle Morning is a goodie. It really covers every habit / theme that this subreddit recommends on the reg, but the way he really sells you these habits helps the most.

This is excellent information. I loved Baumeister's book on Willpower.

I've been utilizing this methodology to get my butt in the gym to work out. By doing just three different exercises, I'm building the habit of going. I set the bar really low for myself, so I really don't have any excuses to not work out.

Great article!

The Artist's Way did good for me. Specifically the Morning Pages.
Basically, the free-writing got me to the point where I was quite secure in my ability to bullshit on page, giving me confidence in essays. Plus it helped me puke out ideas and thoughts that contributed to my essay writing.

Hey, thanks for your insight. Just to make sure, is it this the book you were referring to? https://www.amazon.com/Shallows-What-Internet-Doing-Brains/dp/0393339750.

> There are definitely times I am too hard on myself, so I hear you.

A book that really helped me with being too hard on myself is "Feeling good". Especially since there are a lot of exercises the book goes through which you can practice and apply to situations you deal with.

I wrote about how it help me more in depth in another thread here.

>Feeling Good

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1537914898&sr=1-3&keywords=Feeling+Good&dpID=51JFDdtE59L&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

​

Is this the book you are referring to?

Read this book. I found it really helpful.

The book is called the willpower instinct, and it's available on [available on Amazon.com] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583335080/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1583335080&linkCode=as2&tag=urgez-20&linkId=76O6T7ESPPS7VRVY) :)

A fantastic book that everyone should read: Feeling Good (the new mood therapy) by David Burns M.D. is all about this subject. It talks about bibliotherapy, therapy through reading self-help books, and cognitive practice, essentially, you are what you think.

If you can figure out your thoughts, and figure out why you're having these thoughts, you can work to change these thinking habits. Meditation is the authoritative tool for this in general, but the book has exercises and scientifically backed practices that have been proven to be just as if not more effective than drugs, and longer lasting. Check it out, it's worth your time.

This book should help you out. http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

Judging from your comments I’d suggest therapy. Seriously man everyone needs at least one session. Here’s a link to find a therapist


If you can’t afford one then go to a library or buy Doctor David D Burns: Feeling Good the new mood therapy book. It’s on sale for $6

Exactly. I like how this is described by Carol Dweck in the book Mindset.

Loosing self worth after failure is sign of wrong fixed mindset while people with good growth mindset see then as learning oportunity.

Read the Now Habit by Neil Fiore. You will thank me later if you do.

There is all sorts of sources of blue light besides computer screens. These are some great for blocking said light. And thus your melatonin level will be less effected at night time.

This is actually something I know how to do!

It is true that failure will help and strengthen you but you will still avoid it. You need to ask yourself WHY you are afraid of failing. Is it not being able to save face? Probably not.

Many of us unfortunately (subconsciously maybe?) believe that our results reflect our ABILITIES, not our PERFORMANCE. By always seeing results as an reflection of your performance will not only get over fear of failure, but also WANT TO do your best as you want to know how good you can get.

"How do I change my mindset?"

I would recommend you to do one thing. Read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/0345472322

Edit: Realized my writing is shit, but it is OK cuz that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a bad writer!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081298160X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Buy this book about habits. Read reviews and opinions. It'll be worth the $9.00.

At one point, I was coasting through college smoking weed all day and then dropped out, the problem was I've never been motivated by what I'm supposed to do, I'm wasn't competitive in a sports kind of way and don't care what most people think.

I think what happened was I started deciding my own goals, ones that were challenging and exciting. I finished college because it lead to things that I wanted, started working out because it gave me more energy to work on the things I wanted to do.

At the moment I keep work out, eat right, I'm doing something every evening, moving closer to my goals. Basicly I have an idea of the person I want to be (physically fix, dapper, speak 6 languages, rock the dance floor, rock climb ect) and the life I want and that makes my want to get organised. I actually have a binder, like a business plan for this whole year. I'm working on buying a house that I'm going to completely rebuild the inside of, I'm learning a language, getting to my fitness goals.

Have you ever had one of those days where you kick you're todo lists ass, I'm kind of addicted to that feeling, when I think of my goals I literally salivate. I think some people make their goals too realistic and they don't inspire them.

I also treat every change as an experiment, I get I realised I needed to get my shit together at about 22, I'm now 33. So it's taken about 10,11 years of chipping away. Change something, if it doesn't work, if you can't stick to it. Don't say to yourself "I'm shit", just say that experiment didn't work. For instance I stopped going to the gym after work, I felt tired, lazy I just wanted to go home. I started eating some nuts at 5PM and I feel great after work. Don't expect to have infinite willpower. You need to think of yourself as your own dog trainer sometimes.

I highly recommend these two books.

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2/182-0445914-9670343?ie=UTF8&refRID=02FAB5J7JGC01BG1M677

check this book out it's got some good stuff in it too. The will power instinct Try the 10min rule force yourself to stay up for 10mins after your alarm goes off if you still want to go back to bed you can just have to wait ten minutes. (bit hit an miss at first but it takes practice)

Get Things Done by David Allen. Link is to the newer edition, don't know if that makes a difference.

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0143126563/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1463570836&sr=8-1&keywords=getting+things+done

If you need an ebook version pm me.

On the question of whether it is factually accurate, check out this fantastic (and science-backed) resource: http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-The-New-Psychology-Success/dp/0345472322

Go read The Now Habit by Fiore.
Come back when you've finished it.

It's going to tell you why you're procrastinating.

https://www.amazon.com/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-Free/dp/1585425524

CHeck the book the Now Habit by Neil Fiore. I think he was the pioneer in driving this understanding of procrastination. http://www.amazon.com/The-Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination/dp/1585425524

There are still other sources of melanopsin-affecting blue light aside from monitors. Wearing blue blocker glasses after sunset in addition to using f.lux will help you feel tired at a normal time too.

This one did for sure. I always hated mornings, hated getting out of bed, etc. This book taught me how my mornings can be the most important part of the day and has helped a ton.

https://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Morning-Not-So-Obvious-Guaranteed-Transform/dp/0979019710

> I fear, that he will judge me as lazy

>I'm very afraid of what people might think of me

>I'm afraid that I won't be doing any projects with him

>I guess his feeling about me was right

So the first thing I would say is that these thoughts are not facts, but predictions about the future. I highly recommend you watch this very short video as I think the message is very suited to your situation and he can explain it far more eloquently than I can.

-------------------------

>I just need some advice on how to not worry too much about what other people think of me.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do." How often do you think about the failures and faults of others? Very little, I suspect. People are concentrated on their own lives, their own success and their own failures. To be brutally honest, they don't spend their time thinking about you. Your worth is not determined by what others think of you.

-------------------------

Here's a relevant poem:

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

--Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr

-------------------------

Finally, I think mindfulness, meditation, and this book would benefit you enormously.

What you need to do is stop feeling guilty and stop beating yourself up for not being disciplined. This creates a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy where you accomplish nothing because you made yourself feel too crappy to even try to do anything. Depression is hard enough to deal without piling all of that added negative junk on top of it. What you should do instead is accept your situation, focus on your present needs, and celebrate your victories even if they seem really small. Learn how to do this effectively and then start tackling bigger tasks from there.

There's a very good book about depression called Feeling Good that I strongly recommend you read. There are a few chapters in there that discuss in detail what I've mentioned above getting yourself to do stuff and not feeling bad when it doesn't happen. I suffer from depression myself, and it has helped out a lot.

>Maybe I like being a lazy, disgusting, fat, worthless, unhelpful, useless, failing piece of shit. I am so lazy that I am trying to sleep on rock bottom.

You're depressed, bro. That's not you talking. That's depression. And depression is a liar. If it's financially feasible, get yourself to a psychiatrist and/or a therapist with all due haste. If not, pick up a copy of Feeling Good and get to reading. It'll help. It helped me.

You're also overwhelmed. You see so many problems in your life that you don't even know where to begin. You may have heard the old cliché about how to eat an elephant — one bite at a time. You can't solve all of your problems in one fell swoop. You need to break the big issues down into smaller, achievable tasks.

Those fantasies of yours? Those are your goals. Those thoughts are where you'd like to be. The issue is that you have absolutely no idea how to get from the start to the finish line, and you have zero chance of getting there unless you map it out.

So make your map. You've already identified the big problems: Your poor eating and grooming habits, your internet addiction and — whether you realize it or not — your negative thought patterns. Thoughts like this:

>All my family members are thoroughly disappointed in me. I am probably the only one to fail an examination in the history of my family. Something no one would have expected from me. My words have no worth to them. And you can't blame them. I don't have any respect. Because of very good reasons. I have let my parents down. I am a horrible horrible investment.

Unless they have told you this to your face (and I somehow doubt it), this is very likely your depression telling you these things. You're obviously not sure if you're the first person in the history of your family to fail an exam. And besides, it happens to many of us from time to time. The question is, why did you fail? Was it lack of preparation? A lack of interest in the subject matter of the class? No matter what the answer is, it's very likely something you can address.

As for respect, it sounds like the person you need respect from the most is yourself. Your depression is telling you that you don't deserve it, but you owe it to yourself. One thing that really helped me when I was feeling really low was this post about non-zero days. Read it. Twice.

I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm also someone who wouldn't wish the kind of depression I've lived through on my worst enemies. You're in the middle of something similar to what I experienced when I was at my worst. If there's one thing that I hope you take away from my response, it's this: IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

You are capable of getting through this. There is life after depression. There is life after failure.

So let's look at what you said at the end of your post again:

>Maybe I like being a lazy, disgusting, fat, worthless, unhelpful, useless, failing piece of shit.

Wrong. If you did, you wouldn't have made this post. You wouldn't have sought out help. You would have been fine accepting those things you called yourself (which, again, are lies depression is telling you). But you called out and asked for help. That alone is commendable. It took courage to do that. You made yourself vulnerable, and the result of that is that you're learning there are people in the world who are willing to listen, willing to care, and willing to help.

Hard truth: This isn't going to magically go away. It's going to take work. It's going to be difficult. But the effort is worth the result. The more work you do, the better you'll feel.

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional, and therefore I'm not qualified to diagnose or treat any disease. I'm just a guy who has dealt with the things you're dealing with now.