(Part 2) Best products from r/hoarding

Welcome to the sub!

First of all--WOW. You've got most of your house down to 1 or 2 on that scale! That's a fantastic accomplishment. I hope you've celebrated that, because that take a lot of hard mental work to be able to get to where you're at. Congratulations!

> How often does the average person scrub the kitchen and bathroom? I get stuck between wasting my time cleaning already-clean surfaces on a daily basis, or forgetting about it and then not noticing the mess until it's a huge overwhelming task. I'd like to set a regular schedule, but I'm not sure how often it should be done.

When talking about an kitchen or bathroom that's a 1 on the scale? About five minutes (if that much) once a day. It's not so much "scrub" as "wipe down" so that things don't build up.

I personally find the Daily/Weekly/Monthly/Seasonal Task List at UfYH to be very helpful. I suggest you download and print it.

> While I've let go of the need to "save" items by purchasing them, I still collect small things (pens, nail polish, etc) more than I should. How does an average person know when a collection they love and use is big enough?

The typical answer to this is "when it interferes with your quality of life". For people recovering from hoarding, I would suggest the following checklist:

• Are you able to sort, store, and display your collection?
  
• Are you proud to bring people into your home and show them your collection?
  
• Does showcasing your collection interfere with your ability to use one or more spaces in your house (e.g. you can't prep food in the kitchen because all of the counterspace is taken up displaying your nail polish)?
  
• Are you spending so much money on your collection that it's interfering with your ability to meet your financial obligations (e.g. you missed paying rent last month because all of the money went to nail polish)?
  
  If the honest answer to all of these questions is "No", you should be good.
  
  > How the heck do you mop a floor? My issue here may be partly physical disability, but my attempts to mop don't really get anything clean. I can't physically get down on my hands and knees to scrub, so I usually end up pushing a bleach-covered towel around with my feet, because the actual mop does nothing but slop around water and shed strings. This can't be right. Help?
  
  Here's what I do, broken down step-by-step:
  
  

1. First, dust-mop, Swiffer-dust, or vacuum the floor, to get rid of the larger debris and dirt (dropped food items, dust bunnies, etc.). It doesn't have to be sparkling, but doing this gets rid of the nastier soil from the floor, so you can mop up the rest effectively.
   
2. Prep a bucket with warm water and the appropriate solution for your floor type. My kitchen floor is linoleum, so I use about 1/4 cup Mop-And-Glo per gallon (the rest of my house has old wood floors, which requires a different cleaning approach). Always check your chemicals for proper dilution ratios! Otherwise you're may wind up covering your floor in chemicals, which in turn creates its own soil.
   
3. Dunk your mop into the solution in the bucket, then wring the mop out until it is just damp. The #1 problem that occurs when mopping is over-wetting of the surface! Using a damp mop instead of a sopping wet mop allows the dirt to cling to the mop as you go instead of being spread around by the water on the floor.
   
4. A note on mop-wringing: I'm old-school, so I wear rubber gloves and wring the mop head out by hand. However! One can purchase self-wringing mops at any place you would buy a standard mop.
   
5. Start in the corner farthest away from the door. Mop in a figure-8 pattern to use your mop most effectively.
   
6. As you mop, move towards the entrance of the room so you are always standing on a dry piece of floor. This will help to avoid streaking and tracking of your solution to other parts of the house.
   
7. Change the solution often to ensure the water you're using to clean is not overly saturated with dirt. Dirty solutions will only move dirt from one area to another, it won't remove it from the floor.
   
8. Depending on how dirty your floor is, you may have to change your mop water out once or twice to get a truly clean floor. But if your kitchen is at 1 on the scale, just mop until your water starts to get dark with soil and your floor looks clean.
   
9. Dump mop bucket out and rinse repeatedly until mop bucket is completely clean. You do not want any solution or residue left over to contaminate your water the next time you use the bucket.
   
10. Rinse out mops thoroughly and hang up to dry above a slop sink or floor drain.
    
    You mentioned bleach. Please note that while bleach is a decent disinfectant, it does NOT include any actual cleaning agents (surfactants ) to break down soil, dirt, dust, etc. There are cleaning products that contain bleach which do a very good job of cleaning surfaces, but the bleach itself is not the actual cleaning agent. So if you're just making a solution of bleach and water, that's one reason why you're not cleaning your floor effectively.
    
    If for whatever reason you wish to avoid commercial chemical cleaners, I urge you to switch to the tried-and-true solution of vinegar and water:
    
    

• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar and 1 gallon of warm water
  
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar, 1 gallon of warm water, and 2 tablespoons of mild dish soap
  
• or 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar, 1 gallon of warm water, and several drops of lemon juice
  
  > How often do you replace a shower curtain? How do you know when it needs replacing?
  
  Well, that depends on the material the curtain is made of, and how you care for your curtain:
  
  
• Cloth curtains are durable, but they absorb water rather than repel it. Leaving your curtain closed between uses will let it dry and thus cut down the growth of mold, bacteria, and fungus. Try washing your curtain monthly in hot water with bleach to kill mold and to remove stains. With care, your curtain should last a year or more. Replace it when it looks worn, or when washing no longer removes stains.
  
• Plastic, vinyl, and other synthetics make excellent water repelling curtains. However, water does beads up on the inner surface, so hang these curtains closed between showers to get them to dry, too, otherwise, you risk mold, etc.. Rub your curtain down with a mild detergent (dish detergent is ideal) either weekly or monthly to remove mildew buildup. With care, you curtain may last a year or more. Replace your curtain when it looks dingy.
  
  > I've noticed that vacuums almost always start losing power after a few months of use. Is this a thing that happens to other people? How do you deal with it, if you can't afford a new vacuum or a repair, especially if your ability to take things apart is dubious?
  
  Okay, so this is new to me. I'm still using a vacuum cleaner from ten years ago, with no issues. Are you sure you don't need to just replace the bag?
  
  
  
  
  

One of my cats has irritable bowel syndrome. This results in chronic diarrhea. We used to have her on a prescription food, and it helped, but here's what we found worked best, diet wise to control the diarrhea:

We give her a quarter can of Friskies Turkey with half a tablespoon of pumpkin purée - the stuff for pumpkin pie filling. It has a lot of fiber and works wonders. We also buy a cat probiotic from Amazon and follow the instructions on the jar, which is one scoop in with the food. We mash it all together, that's what she eats all day, and it's has changed her movements from pure liquid to a more solid "soft serve". We still wipe her bottom, but it's so much better.

As far as not using the litter, it can be a lot of things. We had an older cat who developed arthritis and could no longer step into the box we had so she started having accidents. A much lower box solved the issue.

She may not like the kind of litter you're buying. The box might not be clean enough for her. The box may not be in an area she feels safe going potty in. She may have a UTI or other health issues.

I'd start with fresh, new litter boxes that are nice and clean and in a low traffic, quiet spot. Throw away as much as you can that has been pottied on so the cat doesn't smell the mess and think "oh, this is my poopie place." Move up to trying the pumpkin if you can and maybe add in the probiotic. Try to get her to a vet if you can.

You're a good person and you're doing all you can. I wish you the best.

Edit : I saw someone mentioned fortiflora! That's what we were using! We didn't have much luck with it and so we switched to this probiotic because in the ingredients it had more active probiotics. We've had much better results, but you do your research and try what you think is best. And if you can get to a vet, of course listen to them! :)

I’m with you on the dishes.

I saw that paper plates have been working well for you. In addition to paper plates/plastic utensils, I really love these disposable, cheap meal prep storage containers from Amazon. I get them from the American site, but I’m pretty sure they’re the same ones (same pictures and everything). They’re sturdy enough to survive the freezer and fridge, and they microwave really well and are comfy to eat out of. So if you make something and have leftovers, you can throw them in a container, put it in the fridge, microwave it the next day, eat from the container using plastic utensils, then toss the container and utensils when you’re done - zero dishes. If you’re pressed for time and not into cooking, you can easily dump a can of soup or can of chili into one, microwave it for a fast meal, and then eat and toss. They’re basically like Tupperware you don’t have to wash afterward, and can serve as bowls in a pinch.

The paper plates/plastic utensils/plastic cups/food prep containers route admittedly isn’t the most environmentally friendly, but when you’re struggling with upkeep, it can dramatically cut down on (or eliminate) dishes. You still have to get the trash out of your apartment, but bagged trash that’s sealed up and ready to go may be easier to tackle than a sink full of dishes that’s been sitting there for days or weeks.

The professional clean-out sounds like a fantastic idea. You mentioned hiring college students vs professionals, and how your parking lot can be icy and scary in the winter. Would it be possible to find a broke college student who would accept $10 to carry your trash bags out to the dumpster once a week (or $20 for twice a week, whatever your budget could handle?). It may seem like a splurge or a luxury, but would probably be a cheaper way to stay on track long term than needing to spring for repeated clean-outs, you know? I’ve rented some apartments that had what they called “valet trash” service (where everyone just put their trash bags in the hallway next to their door once or twice a week, and a company came to collect all of them at once, with the fee rolled into the rent), so it’s not that bizarre of an idea - people have done weirder stuff for less money, I’m sure!

Both of those ideas are budget-dependent (and just ideas - if they don’t work for you, no pressure!). I just like the concept (from my own experience) of finding ways to work with your own quirks instead of fighting against them. If dishes and getting the trash from the door to the dumpster are your two biggest hangups, for example... can those things be skipped, or passed off to someone else?

Congrats on taking the first steps to getting cleaned out and having a place to live that makes you feel happy - that’s awesome!!

I'm sorry that you had to give up things when you didn't feel ready. I'm sure your son was only trying to help.

I think the emotional loss you feel right now is greater than the actual replacement-value loss of the items - but no mistake, your feelings are valid. But maybe it will help to focus on 1) son's good intentions and 2) knowledge that youngest son's needs can be met relatively inexpensively?

Old textbooks really don't hold up, even writing. Your mother's books have great sentimental value for you but I don't think they would do the best job for your youngest. Also, you can get the Herroit box set for $35 from Amazon, if you really need it. But your library should be able to place an inter-library loan request for you, too. Your son's school should also be able to do that and get the books pretty quickly.

Edit: Maybe you can try also recognizing that the value of the books lies in your awareness of them, not the physical shells. Physical items are replaceable. The fact that you had knowledge of certain books relevant to your child's interest, and could tell him -- that's the real value. You might be frustrated that you need to do things a little differently (place a library request, order online) in order to get the physical book, but it's do-able.

I can relate to a lot of this. I grew up in a toxic household that gave VERY mixed signals on cleaning and organizing. Your paralysis in cleaning up and completing tasks on time is quite likely due to being neurally wired that way by a fearful and fraught upbringing. It takes directed effort to undo it (often via a trauma-aware therapist) and sometimes also meds.

I dunno if you've read anything about c-PTSD, but if you don't have the means to regularly see a therapist right now, it might help to read up on trauma and its long-term effects. Pete Walker has some good articles on his site. The book Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life is also very insightful. And have you seen anyone about your depression? For real, antidepressants helped me a LOT with general motivation.

For learning to stay on task, I found ADD-friendly Ways to Organize Your Life to be super helpful. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD; it was just a really good starting point for someone like me. FlyLady is a very gentle, positive site for learning about how to tidy up, so check that out.

Also, I promise not all Millennials are Konmari minimalists who will judge you forever for having stuff. I've seen all levels of stuff in the homes of people my age or younger. Friends were on the whole way more chill (maybe too chill) than I expected about the condition of my apartment over the years.

Also, I don't know where you live, or what cat litter you use, but I use this cat litter and it is awesome at controlling odor, and has super strong clumps. There's no smell. Like none. It's also pretty cheap here and it works better than the premium Ultimate Care version of this same brand.

Honestly, this is a shitty thing to have to do. You should make it as easy for yourself as possible. Get something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/3M-Paint-Project-Respirator-Medium/dp/B00004Z4EB/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449263583&sr=8-1&keywords=respirator

The active charcoal filters actually take away a lot of the smell while the particle filters make sure there's no danger from aerosol particles (can be an issue if noro or rota are involved and also if you're dealing with rodent droppings). I have one like that (different brand) and it's well worth the money. Much more effective and more comfortable than the standard dust masks. Plus, it looks badass.

Apologize to her for trying to push her to get rid of things too quickly (hint: if you work with her on "cleaning" or "decorating" or "decluttering" these will also result, as you go through things together, in at first one or two items and then as she gets more confident boxes/bags of items that she is willing to have go to another "home" ie: to donate or get rid of)

ask her what kind of help she wants

Do the help that she wants. Better with her than for her.

Browse amazon online with her looking for books along the lines of what she wants help with. Helpful hint for her: don't buy everything, avoid the "buy together" promos like the plague, "want list" any items of interest and then narrow it down to two or three when buying. Work with her to set up a want list if she doesn't have one already.

Also "just happen to" browse clutter and hoarding books in amazon if she hasn't already done so above. She can add some of those to her want list.

Come across this book : One-Thing-At-Time-100 Ways to Live Clutter-Free and include this in the two or three books she actually orders.

On your way out, offer to take the items she has set aside for donation/trash to their new destination. Even if it's just one or two items. Respectfully do what she wants with these things, and report same to her next time you connect. hint:Trust will build.

tldr: understand and value her priorities, help her establish the pathways to achieve . Provide logistical support, but don't override her choices.

The book "Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui" by Karen Kingston might fit the bill. It was the first book I ever read that broached the subject of getting rid of things, and it was a good start.

I was going to recommend "Stuff" by Randy Frost and Gail Steketee. Alas, it has "Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things" as the subtitle. It's still excellent though, and I'd recommend it to you to read because it helps understand what is behind the hoarding. Maybe you can find some strategies to support her without her noticing.

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