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>If I could stay home all of the time, I'd have PLENTY to do. I would have so much time and energy... I could go to the gym regularly, clean my house regularly, start my huge backlog of games/books/tv shows, learn how to do so many hobbies: drawing, painting, web design, writing, creating music, and more. I could volunteer at animal shelters and be surrounded by the things that I love.
>Why can't I do these things now?

Oh man, I have SO felt the same way. And the thing is, you can do those things, it just may take some time to transition into a lifestyle that you find more fulfilling.

My goal after working a 9-to-5 and realizing it just didn't agree with me (normally people would think that sounds entitled, but as HSPs I think you guys know exactly what I mean!) was to find a way to make a more sustainable life for myself, which meant becoming self-employed. Is the IT work you do something you can do from home for different clients as a contractor? If so, that would mean flexible hours (or at least more so), giving you the freedom to volunteer at an animal shelter and pursue your happy-place hobbies so your life doesn't feel so meaningless.

You can do it. You can have whatever life you want, if you have the skills that can afford you more independence and the determination to make a big change. Not sure of your gender, but this book is great for women who, like me, wanted to escape the rat race (could be applied to dudes too, I think). Sometimes just making the promise to yourself to take a leap, even if it takes months or even years to put it into practice, can rev up your motivation, since you'll be thinking about what you truly want and how to make it happen.

TM has also been a huge boon in my life. It's an energy recharge twice a day and has helped with my anxiety. Might be worth checking out!

Keep us posted! We're rooting for you! :)

I can relate well to what you say with regards to a specific tone of voice. A relationship I was in recently had a similar challenge. My partner would raise issues in what I interpreted as a reprimanding & condescending tone (I called it a teacher tone - a non-exploratory more I'm right dictatorship type of tone). It immediately put me on the defensive & shut me down emotionally (I believe HSPs are more prone to emotional flooding during conflict). I had to repeatedly ask for her to please adjust her tone. Sometimes we don't realize how we are coming across. It was only once I introduced her to NVC that she began to understand that her style of communication wasn't constructive. The way I understand NVC is that the tenet is all conflict arises from unfulfilled needs. NVC works by equipping you with the tools to be able to communicate those needs in a constructive manner. There are some videos you can watch to get an idea. It may sound a lot like fluff, but communication is one of the toughest relationship challenges we face and Marshall Rosenberg makes a lot of excellent points.

Also from my own experience, sensitivity around certain topics could also stem from conditioning from past experiences (I'm overly sensitive to authority figures - hence my strong negative reaction to the teacher tone). A slow process of reconditioning is needed to help with that, along with a great deal of patience and understanding from my partner. Check for patterns or themes that might emerge within your conflicts to try to pinpoint root causes. These may be a tell-tale sign of incompatibility (difference in values) or it could very well be repeated miscommunication. Over sensitivity can also be (as has been mentioned) due to additional pressure from situations or circumstances outside the relationship. Something else you can watch for is if your interactions involve the 4 horsemen of the apocolypse.

If you're willing to delve a bit deeper the book The Highly Sensitive Person in Love is an invaluable HSP relationship resource. There are chapters specifically on the types of challenges that you'll face as a non-HSP with an HSP as well as some of the benefits. Of all the resources listed here, I'd highly recommend you start with this as it contains a great deal of quality advice. Amazon link to the book

Lastly, I want to thank you for putting in the effort you have. It's clear that you value the relationship and you are working hard on it. It's not easy dealing with HSPs (I can be a very difficult person at times). But in the right environment, we can really thrive. And our partners will benefit from that. I hope that armed with these additional resources you'll make the right decision and that the both of you will be able to have less melt downs and more harmony.

Finally a topic I'm passionate about!

I don't have a specific answer for you, but that's because I have a lot of experience with ear plugs, and I know taste and fit will vary immensely from person to person.

Unfortunately, that means the best advice I can give you is try a whole bunch of different ear plugs, and see which ones fit best and work best for your purposes.

Judging from my experience, I'm certain you're going to need more than one type of earplug.

A bunch of tips:

1. This place: http://www.earplugstore.com/
   
   
2. Check out their assortment packs.
   
   
3. They make smaller women's and slim fit earplugs. I'm a fairly large man, and they don't fit me perfectly, but if I just want to take the edge off of the ambient sound, I use them. They muffle everything, but not to the same degree as my regular sized earplugs. That may not be an option for you depending on the size of your ears, but it's an option for some.
   
   
4. For music and movies, I've tried Downbeats, but they don't fit me very well. You may have more luck, and there are other brands worth considering. Search for earplugs for musicians. They preserve the full range of audio frequencies, but just lower the volume. (Regular earplugs will tend to block out some frequencies more than others.)
   
   
5. My favorite.
   
   
6. Buy disposable earplugs in bulk on the internet.
   
   
7. Those single use disposable earplugs -- you can use them more than once, but they do lose some of their blocking power. (Depending on the situation, this might be an advantage.) But once they get a little too soft and squishy, they're done.
   
   
8. I often wear earplugs almost all day like you're planning. And I sleep with them every night too. That's doable, but do take them out for a decent amount of time each day. If they are in too long, even your favorite earplugs can become irritating. (And I know some people do have allergies to certain earplug materials.)
   
   
9. Noise dampening earmuffs are also great.
   
   
10. Keep a pair of earplugs with you in a little case at all times. You never know when you're going to want them.
    
    If you have any questions or just want to talk earplugs, let me know. Like I said, I'm an earplug aficionado!
    
    As for the rest of you, I can't recommend the earplug lifestyle to people on this subreddit strongly enough.
    
    Earplugs are like a warm, cozy blanket for your mind.
    
    Once you start using them regularly, you'll wonder how you ever managed to live without them.

Well, you can start by not throwing books in the trash. That is not where they go. I'll assume he gave you the core HSP book. Suggest to him that he read the book on HSPs in the workplace and create a list of suggestions that the two of you can discuss and implement.

Don't come in here and tell us we have an "affliction". It's rude, and oh yeah, insensitive.

> I have adopted the following managerial operating system for him.

If it's for him, he's better suited to tell you if it's useful than we are. But fine, since you want our input...

1. This is mostly good, although it comes off as condescending.
   
2. "what I would have done differently" As long as the end result meets/exceeds goals, it doesn't matter that you would have done it differently. As for putting him on the defensive, as an HSP this is probably the exact opposite of what I would want.
   
3. You didn't provide enough context for why you want to implement this rule. If by no music you mean no audible music is allowed in the office, then yes I agree. But I often use headphones with music to block out the annoying office noises around me with something I enjoy, and if you told me that was "not allowed" I would hate you.
   
4. HSPs make better figures of authority. You should probably just switch jobs with him. Again, I don't know where principle #4 came from. Is this a current problem for him? What solution would he prefer? You might be better off providing a clear set of priorities and the resources to get things done, rather than whatever "limiting his authority" might mean.
   
   Bottom line though, it will benefit both you and your employees if instead of just skimming the book on the topic, you develop an honest desire to actually understand the HSP characteristic.

All of it and the lifestyle changes in The Depression Cure. My therapist told me that fish oil is like motor oil to our brains, and I learned the hard way that my supplements were pulling real weight when I ran out of them for a few weeks, long enough for them to leave my system. Naturopaths often have extra tools at their disposal that regular MDs don't, but a naturopath MD (key part being MD) will also understand the traditional western med side as well, and in my experience, they can help you navigate a broader range of options so you can be as aggressive as you feel comfortable with. I told mine I wanted to try what I lovingly refer to as 'hippy shit' first, then go to antidepressants later if needed. They supported that approach and provided great care along the way. But I feel my best when I have an all irons in all fires approach - the meds, the supplements, and all the lifestyle points.

Maybe the crying stems from being overwhelmed by your emotions and thus a bit too carried away.
I use several techniques to help me not get "up there" too much. Focusing on my breathing can be one of them, paying attention to my posture is another, directing my attention to body parts (especially the feet) and bodily sensations... I use several, but the general purpose is to re-ground myself.

Another explanation could be that you are unable to express your feelings in a way that would be satisfying to you (or maybe even that you are judging yourself for your feelings).
You could look into NonViolent Communication (this is a nice introduction), I found it to be a great tool to learn self-compassion and expression.

Good luck out there, I bet you are a beautiful person.

I've had this kind of thing before too. At first I thought I was sensing the future somehow, but after learning I'm HSP, and empathic, I now realize I easily pick up other people's "stuff"--what they think, feel, and want--though it doesn't come labeled as someone else's, so it's hard to tell whose it is. I also tend to be passive, so what the other person wants often does come to pass--makes it seem like I foresaw it, but actually I just felt their desire long before they made their desire into reality.

I've found this ability comes with major drawbacks, and I went looking for ways to have better control over what I'm picking up and from whom. I found a rather woo-woo book for empaths called Become the Most Important Person in the Room and I have to say it's really helping.

As u/scippie implied, how much you pick up has a lot to do with how much attention you pay to someone and how much interest you have in them.

A light for seasonal affective disorder has been a life saver for me!

When it’s gloomy out, and we have less exposure to the sun’s rays, our bodies produce less serotonin. I think we HSPs are often especially affected by this, I know I get super blue when it’s dark all day. I get really tired, too.

Light therapy has really worked for me and I’m glad I found it! I highly recommend getting a lamp for light therapy. There are a bunch on amazon. Here’s their best seller’s description:

Our brain’s chemistry and body clock are affected by light, and light stimulates hormones and neurotransmitters that greatly influence our overall feelings of well-being. Bright light exposure early in the day stimulates our body's production of serotonin (which improves mood and happiness) and regulates melatonin in the evening (which promotes sleep). Adding a HappyLight to your daily routine allows you to stimulate the production of these important hormones naturally, to keep your body running like clockwork.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00K08ZDBI/ref=mp_s_a_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1537920371&sr=8-5&keywords=seasonal+affective+disorder+lamps&dpPl=1&dpID=31iP0Zu-OpL&ref=plSrch

I use one that’s also an alarm clock. It gradually wakes me up with a “sunrise” and sounds of birds chirping, so nice :)

I hope you give it a try and feel a boost in your mood and energy! <3

Yes! Meditation! Specifically, Mindfulness. I started off with this. There is an older freebie too. Of course you'd need a relatively quiet place to practice first, maybe take up hiking? The only thing I can say about it, is that it shows you a different way of looking at reality in a non-judgemental way. I don't mean we go around judging people, but our minds judge the noise and deems it "irritating". Being in a mindful state bypasses this judgement the mind puts on things like that. It's not a magic cure, and it only works short term for me but is highly effective in that short term. The default "20 mins" the material suggested starting with is the longest i've been able to truly tolerate and accept an irritating thing in my environment, which is 19 minutes and 59 seconds longer than I ever could before. I don't mean i'm sitting in a meditative state like some idiot while the neighbor is sawing wood either, i'm able to passively accept the noises for about 20 minutes while doing other tasks, i'm assuming as a consequence of my practice and education about my self. I hope the amount of time increases with practice. I only just started two months ago myself and have already seen some improvements.

Sorry to hear about what you went through. Things will only get better. Glad that you're reaching out to other HSPs.

Yesterday, I was watching a podcast with Brene Brown and Russell Brand where they discussed their own kids' behavior and compliance. I hope you relate to the segment as she mentions choice theory.

I also recommend reading the book [Running on Empty] (https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=running+on+empty&qid=1574127505&sr=8-2) by Dr. Jonice Webb

Best of luck! ♥

1. Get out of that relationship A.S.A.P. Like tomorrow. No excuses, no tapping into their energy field to console them, no regrets. You can do and will do better.
   
2. Set up energetic boundaries. You have a good, strong heart - keep it protected so it's useful for non-narcissistic folks.
   
3. Meditate. Separate your emotions from others'. Become attuned to what different things feel like. Enjoy nature A LOT.
   
4. Find the others. They'll be happy to finally meet you.

I had to log in to respond to this. I have a similar issue with noise, I live in NYC and the subways can be unbearable sometimes. I now walk around with earplugs, and I've found these to be awesome too. https://www.amazon.com/Radians-CEP001-R-Custom-Molded-Earplugs/dp/B002XULPSQ/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=custom+earplugs&qid=1562964521&s=gateway&sr=8-3Maybe poke a tiny pin prick in them to allow air to ciculate and not create pressure on your eardrum when walking. You'll still get the dampening they provide and it could make all the difference.

You can get tan colored ones that blend in with your skin color (provided you match the tan color that is). People don't seem to GAF what I look like when I wear normal buds that stick out. These ones can sit more flush with your ear and no one will notice.

I have to say, walking around when I need these has been an amazing help with living stable. It's basically body armor for your ears.

Always carry earplugs with you. Simple as that. It's very hard to change people, it's very easy to buy earplugs.

Two options: the throw-away kind, which is extremely good. Or the washable kind, which is good enough so you can still hear people that are standing next to you.

I have very good experience with Thunderplugs. They come in a small bullet-style aluminum case and last almost a year:

https://www.amazon.com/Thunderplugs-26dB-18dB-Filtered-Earplugs/dp/B07DFBQVTD/

​

I don't know of any articles, but [this book](The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767903366/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_z2.Eyb1TH3XY9) was recommended to me by my therapist. I'm still waiting for it to arrive, so I can't give a personal review, but it's well rated on Amazon.

I got mine off amazon too the best investment ever. Here is the exact one I got https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BPBHWLG?ref=myi_title_dp&th=1

I was just about to post something to this effect! As long as I can remember I've felt unable to make connections with people, I've only ever had one serious romantic relationship (in my 20s) and I'm 41 now. I started reflecting on my childhood (authoritarian parenting, probably not much attention paid to my emotional needs) and I started doing some research. I'm currently reading this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3XIQRRSYKEJW&keywords=running+on+empty+overcome+your+childhood+emotional+neglect&qid=1567155056&s=gateway&sprefix=running+on+%2Caps%2C140&sr=8-1 and trying to work out if I was emotionally neglected growing up. A lot of the symptoms of that in adulthood are just as you, and many of us, describe and experience.

EDIT: I know you were talking specifically about siblings, weren't you, but I thought this book might help someone anyway!

I love these - https://www.amazon.com/Uvex-Blocking-Computer-SCT-Orange-S1933X/dp/B000USRG90/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=orange+light+glasses&qid=1566905224&s=gateway&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&sr=8-5

I just got a pair of Work Tunes and they are fabulous!
https://smile.amazon.com/3M-WorkTunes-Protector-Bluetooth-Technology/dp/B0723CYHPZ/ref=sxin_8_ac_d_rm?ac_md=0-0-d29yayB0dW5lcw%3D%3D-ac_d_rm&keywords=work+tunes&pd_rd_i=B0723CYHPZ&pd_rd_r=2c73ed15-dabf-4430-8733-173d7a3a41b4&pd_rd_w=euUGL&pd_rd_wg=rAcSl&pf_rd_p=404c4843-2c96-4d0d-a5fe-2b0598693e61&pf_rd_r=PZ365TZTJYZK6QGS8V2N&qid=1567042333&s=gateway

I understand about the dreaming aspect . . ! My crush dominates my dreams weather it's her trying to kill me or her and I traveling the world together.

Then when I wake up it's as if they really happened, more real than real life sometimes.

Don't feel silly for feeling sad just identify your emotions and let them pass [easier said than done, I know!].
You choose how you react to anything so don't let your unconscious control the show. Just know that your sensitivity is an advantage. It just takes hard work and positive affirmations to see it as that.

I would recommend that you read these books [The Highly Sensitive Person](The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553062182/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_065Kyb4FFYYTD) and The Highly Sensitive Person in Love](The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767903366/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_785Kyb4K5KH0Q)

They are authored by the woman who coined the term HSP who after living a life of being highly sensitive, interviewed thousands of people with HSP symptoms and issues. If you have to choose one just read The Highly Sensitive Person because it touches on relationships.

Excellent book, I recommend it as well.
Elaine Aron coined the term HSP, and she is one herself. She knows her stuff :)

I am now reading another one of her books "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love", which discusses more about relationships (mostly romantic ones, but others as well). Learning how to maintain relationships sounds like a practical way of fighting the loneliness.

Edit: There are new issues from 2016 with updated research:

The Highly Sensitive Person

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

Have you had an opportunity to read this book yet? I'm asking because it helped me understand my upbringing, which sounds similar to yours.