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Hello. I am 47 and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up 🤣🤣 In the meantime I’m homeschooling my kids, and practicing my sculpting and my gardening.

I think perhaps it helps to understand that if you have failed an exam seven times, then that’s probably not what you’re supposed to be doing. I would also suggest that law as a career for an INFJ sucks. And I can say this with my hand on my heart because I studied law for four years without ever actually becoming a lawyer.

Fluffy careers for INFJ’s which pay well include things like being a psychologist, or a counsellor, or a librarian. Focus on jobs which give you creative control, and control over your own time.

I’ve spent decades for searching for a career direction, and the best advice that I can give you is to find a job that you enjoy Ie: don’t hate, that gives you enough free time to pursue a personal life and hobbies you love.

In my experience, trying to monetise hobbies ends up with you hating the hobby. It’s all very well to talk about doing what you love, but for example, I love sitting on my arse and reading and drinking tea. Not sure how I’m gonna make money out of that.

One very helpful book to read about this issue is Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic”. She had always loved writing, and she had a night job as a bartender which allowed her plenty of time during the day to write, and which paid well enough for her to live comfortably. Even if she had never hit it big with “Eat Pray Love”, she would’ve had a perfectly content happy life as a writer, with her bartending paying the bills.

There is a fascinating book called “Daily Rituals” which talks about the different ways in which a wildly diverse group of creatives structurws their lives. Some worked full time jobs their entire lives, and did the creative work in the evening.

So in answer to the question ”Should I do what I love and try to make money from it ?” the answer is, “Do what you love, but try to make money from something else”. You won’t burn out on doing what you love, and your day job will allow you to indulge your hobbies to a very high degree.

It’s clear to a complete stranger that law just isn’t working to for you. Have you thought about segueing that into something like psychology or librarianship at a Masters level?

If you’ve got a law degree then you are perfectly clever enough, and capable of working hard enough. The advantage of being a psychologist is that it helps you to fulfil that need to help other people. I ended up getting a Philosophy degree, and then became a Librarian, which was a pretty good job; but if I had my time again I think I would probably become a psychologist. It pays well and you’re genuinely helping people.

Don’t despair. We feel things very powerfully, it’s one of our secret powers, but it can be overwhelming until we’ve learnt how to both shield ourselves, and control input by other people. The other advantage of a psychology degree is that it gives you a rock solid tool kit to not only deal with other people, but to help yourself as well.

Another thing I can add, is that there is no one thing that we are supposed to do, and I feel that that’s actually a really unhelpful concept. It’s right up there with the idea that there is one perfect person for us. There are many people for us, for many different reasons, at many different times in our lives.

In the same way there is more than one job for us; there is more than one career for us, for many different reasons, and at different times in our lives. What you’re doing in your early 20s is almost certainly not what you’re going to be doing in your late 50s. Find something that engages you, that you don’t hate, that allows you to help other people.

Things for career choice is that I have actually found useful include the Sparketype test Yeah I found this on Facebook but it’s actually quite accurate 🤣 I’m a Maven.

And the best book is The Pathfinder

I think it really helps to be aware of the limits of your capabilities. So for example, I don’t have an entrepreneurial bone in my body, so I need something that has a structured career path. I also don’t like hard physical labour, so something like being a Park Ranger, which would otherwise appeal to me, is right out.

If you want to save the world (don’t we all ?) watch Regeneration 2040, and get a Permaculture Design Certificate and go from there. This is basically the point that I’m at, at the moment. I watched Regeneration 2040, I basically decided that for my kids, and for the future,that I was gonna keep fighting. And I think Permaculture is the way to make it happen. But that’s just me.

Don’t get too hung up on any one thing and you’ll be fine. I think we’re Seekers at heart and will keep Seeking even if we find what we were initially looking for !

The trick is to become ok with that, and you do that by seeing the world as a field of possibility, where you have the privilege and opportunity to sample many of its delights.

And you have something to give – your gift is that passion and energy, which is currently driving you crazy because you can’t find an outlet for it. But one secret is that no matter what you choose to do, if you pour that passion and energy into it, you will change the world for the better, and you’ll change the lives of the people around you for the better, and you’ll change yourself for the better, too.

Ok, this is a complex situation. You sound like you either have a low libido or a normal one that is being smooshed with a "too busy" life. And it sounds like he has a normal or high libido. BOTH of your natural libidos are fine and valid and neither type of libido is broken or in need of fixing.



That said. There are ways to have a more fulfilling sex life. First Ima focus on you. I don't know you but from what I've read you say you're too tired by the time he is in the mood. I'm sure you do a LOT, take care of kids, work, chores, errands and it seems never ending. Having one more obligation at the end of the day can be exhausting. My advice is to make room on your to-do list for sex. Or add it to your to-do list. This would mean knocking other things off the list that aren't as important as your relationship and happiness with your husband so that you are rested and in the mood.


I guess I should also ask if you are enjoying the sex you guys have or if you don't and just see it as another obligation. If you're not really into it and not just because you are tired it's very understandable. There are lots of books on unlocking libido in LL women and it's important to find out and have the kind of sex that is fun for you.


I also suggest getting into the right mindset about sex. A lot of women don't realize that for a lot of men sex is a way to feel close and intimate with their SO's. It's not just the physical act, it's the heart closeness and bonding-even if they don't express it in a way you can hear it or in your love language.



So on your dudes side. He has a "normal" or high libido and it sounds like he needs spontaneity. Remember what I said about what sex is to a lot of men. To him he probably believes you don't want to share that close bonding time with him. He probably also feels that you don't just not want sex but that you don't want him. It hurts very badly, I can say this from personal experience, to continually want to show and share your love with an SO only to have them reject it. To make it into an occasional thing when they feel like letting you show your love or worse yet an obligational thing.


Both of your needs and libidos need to be respected though. Like I said neither libido need to be fixed. And him waking you up when he knows your tired is thoughtless.


If I were you, I'd take the lead on this-you've got the power here. I dunno how often he wants it but here's a random example: Decide every other day is acceptable, clear schedule accordingly(don't tell him about any sort of schedule except to say "i love you and on tuesdays and thursdays I am very very busy and have to sleep at this time, I will not wake up for sex so that I can give it my all on other days." honestly I don't know how to delicately talk to an estp lol so u phrase it positively however he can hear it. it's not unloving to have limits.) If you want sex at a certain time you might need to initiate it-again I dunno if his tv or game time is non-negotiable for him or if the interruption would b welcome.


You enthusiastically (no don't fake it) initiating at least half the time would go a long way to healing the hurt from years of rejection. And flirting is a big deal too. On scheduled days drop more hints, use more touch, build things up so that things occur pretty naturally at the time you hope that day.


I know I focused mostly on you, if he were the one posting this I'd give him some same some different advice-especially about helping you relax(by helping you with chores and the other things keeping u busy), speaking your love language, and seducing you in the way you need to. I'd also suggest books if he were the reading sort like Open Her and She Comes First.


I hope I helped some. If you ever want advice in the future feel free to pm me. I also suggest connecting to one of the many libido-centered blogs out there for ideas and support.

Sorry, three weeks later and here I am!

It's hard for me to give advice in a way, because my path into design was quite unorthodox. I started as a computer science major in college, but quickly shifted into a more broad "Information Sciences and Technology" which included human-computer interaction but also things more networking related. It was a great "catch-all" for various technology-related fields. I ended up enjoying the HCI part the most by far.

My first "real" job was working for an agency as one of their developers. I can distinctly remember hearing how the creative director had started as a coder and moved entirely into design and for a while that notion was appealing to me. I taught myself design on the side, devouring many books and carefully examining the site designs created by our designers.

A few years later, I was working for a college as their web manager and saw a window of opportunity; they were beginning the process for a website redesign. Almost as a lark, I pushed out what I thought the new website should look like and presented it to the other members of the web committee. They all liked my design and decided to work in-house with me as the designer and principle developer.

So my advice for you is perhaps a little generic, but I think still helpful: never stop learning. Keep reading all you can about UX, UI design, HCI, and the industries that interest you for product design. If you see an opportunity to grow professionally, whether that is a promising job offer or some project that has just coalesced, be bold and try your hand at it. Don't talk yourself out of a chance to grow before even trying; it's an easy pitfall.

For breaking in: read all that you can, for example this book is an excellent resource and quick read. Have an opinion on everything; for the things that you don't know, be curious and thoughtful. Recognize what makes for a bad user experience and what makes for a good one. Be empathetic.

Hope that helps. Good luck to you!

I kind of have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. These days, they feel like a major hassle and inconvenience to my life. The only holiday I actually like has become Thanksgiving because I use it as a day to write up a big long public letter to my friends that I share via Facebook and email (to those of my friends/family without Facebook). I individually thank every friend I have for memories and ways they've contributions to my life in terms of personal growth and support. I only have about 40 people on my FB friends list, and about 50 people total in the message. I usually start on it a few days before, but I've been writing parts of it already this month...

To me, I've tried to approach Thanksgiving as the holiday to care about. I like the thought of a day based around, what's supposed to be, appreciation for people and life. It's possibly the most undepressing day of my life, because it's an excuse to give mass gratitude that wouldn't seem socially misplaced on any other day of the year. People are least likely to think it's weird, isn't that sad?

As for every other holiday, I mostly want to be alone. I spent my birthday alone this year, I wish I could spend Christmas alone... It's a day of overly forced family bonding, it feels. Considering how often I can see half my family, as /u/allischa said in these comments, why don't you just spend time with me on a different day? Christmas is a day like any other. I like giving Christmas cards, but I don't want to have to get everyone something just because they're in my life on that day. I do things for others throughout the year, I don't often think twice about buying something my friend might like if the price is right and know they might need/really really want. Usually it'll be given with a "Thanks for <whatever>" so it doesn't come off as just doing it to buy a friendship that isn't there. Again though, I can't afford Christmas. What I want to do is tell my family I'm spending Christmas with one of my friends and tell my friends that I'm spending it with my family. That way, I can have a quiet Christmas enjoying cocoa and black and white movies. I want others to spend time with people other than me, I see most of them enough as it is. I also hate having to act surprised when I get gifts from others. I'm not asking for anything and, though I appreciate the thought, I have a hard time getting excited about things I don't need (even if they're great gifts). Not to say I haven't been genuinely happy with things like my friend buying me a zocchihedron because I was infatuated with its existence, AND it didn't cost $50.00 when she bought it for me... that's insane. It was thoughtful, and cheap, and I appreciated that more than the expensive shit I was given growing up.

I detest games in dating... but there are definite pitfalls to spilling it all off the bat. I've been in a casual relationship where we each went full transparency upon first meeting. It worked to an extent, but it also destroys any semblance of mystery. Part of dating is getting to know the other person and them getting to know you. Trust and love are built through experience and time together.

A month or two ago, someone posted something about discovering the INFJ strength in dating... which was being mysterious. I can't remember who, but it resonated with me. He said he'd been finding much more dating success by slowly revealing who he was and how he felt. Not so much manipulating as just not going full glom off the bat, if he likes someone.

Mark Manson's book, Models, makes some very good points and introduces some solid techniques for dating with authenticity, too. It's geared toward men, but I think much of the information is applicable to anyone. The first 15% of the book is pretty self-promotey, and there are some misogynistic generalizations here and there, but it was worth my time. Much of it is about building confidence just by being yourself and taking a zen - like approach of being grateful for any response to a declaration of interest. I'm into you! You're into me? Cool, let's see where it goes. Not into me? Cool, thanks for not letting me waste my time chasing you. I feel like it's a healthy version of playing it cool, without lying or repressing yourself.

So I am currently watching Thor 3: Ragnarok. I saw it on theaters but now watching it at home.

If you are not already cognizant of the fact that Bruce Banner is an INFJ and Loki is an _NFJ, please realize this and if you like watching these movies be hyperaware of this fact while watching for you will notice things about yourself INFJs via watching other people.

Well one scene really stand out for me and it is when Thor and Loki were in the elevator in the midpart of the movie and they are reminiscing about the past. Notice how Loki handles the FEELS, he feels them but he is also threatened by them and tries to think his feels instead of Feeling his Feels.

• Look at Loki's body language, and you can literally tell when he is more using Fi and when he "switches" to Fe (I am not going to ruin the scene that happens next to Loki) and Fe is his default way of using Feeling. He feels more comfortable but sometimes growth occurs when you are not comfortable, for growth can allow you to become what you are meant to be instead of who you been. Remember you have the power to change, to choose, and have the power to recreate yourself not entirely but slowly incrementally one choice at a time.
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
  Also pointing this out. Bruce Banner is INFJ and Hulk is ESTP, and when Bruce is in the GRIP he swaps to an ESTP side which he barely has control over. This is because with an IN_J your 1st function is Ni and your 4th function is Se and when you are in the GRIP you act like your 4th function is your 1st even though this is not natural to you.
  
  https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2016/12/16/infj-grip-stress-experiences/
  
  https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2016/08/19/infj-darkness-understanding-infjs-shadow-functions/
  
  Here is a good book on this subject. The IN_J chapter is chapter 11
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
  
  This book is not going to talk much about how you use the 2nd and 3rd functions to stabalize yourself, but instead hyperfocuses on the 1st and 4th function and GRIP states.
  
   
  
   
  
  Note also Thor is an ESTP and thus has the same first four functions as Loki if Loki is an _NFJ (INFJ is more likely but sometimes over 4 movies he seems temporarly like an ENFJ but I blame that on different writers but also INFJs can act like ENFJs in certain environments for short bursts that can be minutes, hours, days.)
  
  So what does Thor and Loki have to do with each other. Well besides traditional sibling rivilary and how the younger child is both jealous / envious but also sees the older child as a rival for attention, we have a second dyanmic here.
  
  If Thor is ESTP and Loki is _NFJ he also has a part of him that wants to be better at his 3rd and 4th trait, traits that his brother excels at but his brother sucks at his 3rd and 4th trait. And thus there is this hot and cold thing going on not just with how these two brothers interact in the external world but also how they view their own identity and also the identity of the other person in their inner world. Part of having an anima / animus 4th function is you both crave your 4th function and wish you were better at these things, but at the same time are repelled by this.
  
   
  
  Now Thor has his problems but one of the big deals is by Thor 3 and Avengers Infinity War that Thor is more okay with being vulnerable and just accepting this vulnerability, these feelings,these shadow Fi and not freaking the fuck out. Not externalizing his feelings into behavior and turning that into Anger or Opposition and being a hot head.
  
  Loki as of Thor 3 is not there yet at the part of the growth stage. He may get there someday but he is not there yet. So once again there is a nice compare and contrast between Thor and Loki, so alike but so different for they share the same first 4 functions but a different function order.
  
   
  
   
  
  One last closing words, remember MBTI is not the full persona / personality and is just part of your personality. Lots of other things influence your personality like your history of relationships, whether you are stable, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment (other people have different names for these 4 attachment types) and dozens of other things. So while I shared some MBTI / Jungian Therapy understand that the answers to treatment with therapy may not be Jungian. In fact many of the other types of therapies often work better than Jungian therapy but like I said in my other post finding what works for you is systematic trial and error and often the best therapy is a holistic / mosaic approach where you derive strength from several techniques . For example I did not even mention Lev Vgotsky and his Zone of Proximal Development and the need for support systems and artificial prosthesis in this post =P

For sure.

I'm happy you found a therapist who helped you navigate through your difficulties. If you could analyze what your therapist did to help you recover, that will help too.

Firstly, my toolkit involves using a combination of meditation and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). To successfully execute CBT, you need to be self-aware and mindful. Practice both together. This is important because when you're able to catch yourself thinking negatively, or start having unwanted thoughts, you're able to identify it and be aware of it's presence. Once you "catch" these thoughts, debate with yourself logically why those thoughts are irrational. The book I read was Feeling Good by David Burns.

Initially, this will be very hard, and it takes a lot of work, but it gets easier and easier once you master it, and trust me when I say this, the ROI for working on this is literally priceless. Took me a consistent 3 years of practicing everyday to pull me out of darkness.

Gradual therapy, slowly exposing yourself to things that scare you. For me the big one was social anxiety and fear of rejection. I made it a mission to go outside everyday just to be in the presence of others. Doing things I like outside with other people. I go to the gym, play pickup soccer and basketball.

Putting yourself first. INFJs love to put others first. Don't do that until you satisfy your needs. Be assertive with what you want and communicate it to others. It seems counter-intuitive, and feels like you're being selfish, but people respect people who hold their ground and provide for themselves first. Your confidence will soar from this. Which has a multiplier effect onto everything you do.

Stoic philosophy. The basis of this philosophy is to only put your energy towards things you can control. Things that you can realistically do right now to change the situation. Things out of your control, for example, other people's thoughts and feelings, the weather, the stock market, be quick to realize a situation you can't control and push it out of your peripheral. Life is too short so don't waste your time on it.

Exercise consistently & keep your diet in check. a must if you're serious about improving yourself. ROI is also priceless and kills many birds with one stone. (self-esteem, confidence, health, mood, sleep, relationships)

Good luck and be very patient. Sometimes you will feel like it's not working, but keep at it and only evaluate yourself after 6 months on your progress, because progress is slooooooow. I guarantee you using the combination factors above will move the needle more positively. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

I highly recommend the book "Breakup Triage" by Susan Winter - I listened to the audiobook multiple times and it is a wonderful resource. It has helped me tremendously during times of heartache and grief.

I'm sorry for the situation you are going through and proud of your maturity and strength. Change your locks! Maybe there is a part of you that hopes he will show up one day out of the blue but especially with a newborn on the way please protect both of your privacy and safety.

Your feelings are completely normal and valid. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. You are about to enter an amazingly transformative period of your life and will have a new love (your daughter) to invest your heart into and share your life with. You will learn so much about yourself both as a mother and a person. Try new things. Take up new hobbies. Go places you’ve never been. They don’t have to be far. You will find yourself again. You will discover more and more who you truly are. But most importantly, allow yourself to stumble and fall. You will always rise again.

xoxo

You're welcome. I was actually in an Ni-Ti loop myself this morning. Writing thoughtfully about what I would recommend to another person going through the same thing helped me a lot as well.

In regards to my first point I'm glad you can relate. I believe us INFJs really shine when we feel there's something at stake for other people. It helps us get past the drama in our heads if we feel we can really help someone else or contribute to society.

I have the same kinds of friends, the ones who might hear me out, but might not give me what i really need when it comes to constructive feedback. I gravitate more towards other "feelers" in this regard. What I'm really looking for when trying to get out of my Ni-Ti loop are to have my emotions expressed and validated first, and to have the logic behind them dissected second. When I talk to my "thinker" type friends who give those black-and-white answers, they may technically be right in the logical sense, but they aren't able to provide the emotional solace I need to vent.

In regards to therapy, my experience is that I went to my primary care doctor first, through my work insurance. They gave me an assessment, and then recommended me to the psychiatry department. I did another assessment with psychiatry and they recommended me to an outpatient facility that accepts my work insurance. It took a while to get through that process, but I lucked out with the first therapist I found, and my copay is way lower than if I found a therapist outside of my insurance. This might not be suitable for everyone but it's an option.

In your self-help journey, I would also recommend working with a book that has specific exercises, like keeping a thought journal. Being able to re-assess your thoughts and feelings in your own words is really powerful, and is another way to get out of the Ni-Ti loop. This is the one I've been using and it has worksheets at the end you can use: https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Depression-attainable-ebook/dp/B01BBCKHGM/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=cbt+7+steps&qid=1556654413&s=gateway&sr=8-3

I am an INFJ entrepreneur

There is alot to unpack in your question.

Do you know your ennegram type?

Cultivating self awareness is the absolute key, check out gary vee's youtube channel for more information about that.

>I've failed a lot, and feel like giving up

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZLeOh-kkQBRO6sRZPQw9MGVoxk_YPNYKGylt5ZWNaSOR5VanZ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdAKO3b8oLc


>all the time but worrying everytime you do it?

To be successful in business I think you need to really enjoy the risk, like for that to become your comfort zone. A good book to read about this is "daring greatly" https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419

Also overcoming any anxiety you might have with CBT.


>I have this desire to kind of change the world and make people know their potential and be good at it through business

Visions like that take decades or your whole life to accomplish. Also you need to carefully think about how you want to change the world "for the better". Many business don't change the world for the better, and since capitalism itself makes the world "worse" (I am totally anti-communist too) than it can be difficult to work within it to really positively change the world.
Whats your idea?

Yep. Facebook was my bread and butter. Because my book (http://www.amazon.com/Trail-Magic-Art-Soft-Pedaling-ebook/dp/B00NJQZ6GK) is niche, I made my own Facebook group and invited five people. Over the course of three years it's up to 3000 people... in fact most folks don't even realize I run the admin there.

Since I have 3k people, I'm able to advertise my book in the banner section. Also, I drew all my illustrations in my book so I was able to spread those around on Insta, Pinterest and Twitter (I have a decent base on Twitter, but not as much). In the book I tell people I'm rather chatty online and would be happy to talk to them about the stuff in the book. They do, I respond.

Also, when people say "I read your book, I loved it!" I ask them to write a review at Amazon, which is nice because I'm up to 51 reviews.

I also know "my people" and what forums they hang out in, so I will - when it's appropriate - plug my book (I just don't come in spamming left and right). All this has garnered fairly good sales (I'm not getting rich, but I'll be able to buy gifts for xmas).

I engage my audience on Facebook (once again, niche... it's endurance bikepacking and racing on a mountain bike... I wrote a book on a huge race from Canada to Mexico on the backroads and trails of the continental divide finishing 4th place on a singlespeed... the kicker is, when I started training I had barely been on a bike and was fairly overweight and sedentary).

Lastly, I made a landing page for my book that has helped (www.softpedaling.com) along with a nice youtube opening (https://www.youtube.com/user/sthig).

I market for at least an hour a day (on average) and honestly it's more work to market than it is to write, but I don't mind it because I believe in my book.

I also contacted every media outlet I could find (bikepacking magazine, the american cycling association, bike magazine, bike blogs) and said "I wrote a book." Since most people in this genre don't write books, it's a little more open market than say "I wrote a children's book" which the market is saturated with that.

I recently had to deal with this too (34 and just found out that my dad was a toxic narcissist..) and honestly, finding a psychologist has been THE most helpful thing I've ever done. However, they can be expensive so I know it's not an option for everyone. I'm lucky because my benefits cover 5 sessions a year.

The next best thing I can recommend is to read the book called "The Narcissistic Family " https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703. It's a bit pricey (for a book) because it's actually written for other psychologists. However, it's written in a way that anyone can understand and offers many tips and treatment options that you can actually apply yourself.

Sending lots of love and support to you... it's not an easy path but it is very rewarding and freeing.

​

Yep :) Introverted Intuition and Extroverted Feeling are INFJ's cognitive function preferences.

I'm not sure how much you know about MBTI, but I get a kick out of explaining it :D The basic theory takes the idea of Introvert and Extrovert and expands on it, based on the observations and statistical data collected by Myers and Briggs.

The idea is that everyone has a preferred mental way of gathering information (or Perceiving) and a preferred mental way of making decisions (or Judging). These 'preference' is something innate, similar to left or right-handedness.

There's two main ways people make decisions: by Values (of Feeling) and by Facts (or Thinking), and there's two main ways people take in information, by Sensing their surroundings and by Intuition/ideas. So that leaves us with Feeling and Thinking, Sensing and iNtuition. And all four of these can be expressed internally (Introverted) or externally (Extroverted).

While most people can all the functions to some extent, just as everyone can write with both their left and right hands if they really want to, people have a natural preference in decision making and taking in information, and one of these will be an extroverted function (shaping how that person interacts with the world) and the other an introverted function (which guides their inner life).

Hope that's not too much information haha :D I tend to go overboard!

You might find the following book to be of some interest. It's given me a pretty good lens to view behaviour like this through. It's not perfect and tends towards oversimplification but the core idea is pretty simple and compelling: http://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139 Hope you feel better soon!

Personally, I've never encountered that. Though that is probably due to a massive dose of impression management. I try to walk around as confident as possible even when that might not be the case. If you haven't read it--What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro is a fantastic book on how to read people--but you can also use it in the reverse to appear the way that you want.


If I'm not with people I know well in public, generally speaking I am quite cold with people. I guess I learned to hide my emotions pretty well. I think most people also don't understand me, as I keep info about me on a very need-to-know basis. So for better or for worse, people give me space.


I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I noticed a pretty immediate positive change controlling the way I appeared to other people. Not just in the way that people reacted to me, but in my confidence as well. It seems you actually can fake it until you make it.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking was a pretty good read recommended to me by another introverted INFJ friend of mine. Although it isn't specifically about INFJs, it is all about the "I", and I came away with some new ideas.

I hate when people say "I feel the same way" because no, you don't, no one does, but I wanted to say "me too". I got to Dr. Aaron by way of Quiet by Susan Cain. I just had my first ever therapy session and it was good but I feel like it will be too expensive to get the hours and hours of talking that I need to do. Thanks for existing.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_ZIRNAb6SMV16P

Mark Manson is pretty great. He started out as a pickup artist, but quickly realized how awful and insincere most of that community is. He then wrote "Models," which is one of the best books I've ever read on being open and honest with yourself and others. It really transcended its roots, which is why he eventually distanced himself from the community and started his blog. He, along with Brene Brown, really turned my life around when I was in a dark place.

Oh man I'm the exact same way. Read an interesting book about attachment styles though and it really helped me understand what might be the root of the problem, which is that growing up I didn't have a solid attachment to my parents (I mean growing up as in basically infancy). Anyways I highly recommend the book...

Attached by Amir Levine

Hey, guys! I've just read a book about morning routine and it helped a lot. It's short but has all the essential information to make the morning routine that really alleviates your lifestyle. Hope this will help you

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https://www.amazon.com/Morning-Routine-Successful-Productivity-Stress-Free-ebook/dp/B07Y2VQZBJ/ref=sr_1_2?crid=31JKBWFLXLHPU&keywords=morning+routine&qid=1569209874&s=digital-text&sprefix=morning%2Caps%2C411&sr=1-2

I just found this subreddit today and it feels so nice to be around people who think in the same way! My counselor told me about "Attached" and I couldn't put it down when I read it. You will understand a little more about this when you read it, but I realized I'm an anxious type and I had a pattern of dating avoidants, which was a terrible time. My bf now is secure and everything is so much more stable and he's able to reassure my insecurities, though it seemed less exciting at first. Here's a link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

I would also add to this, that her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is also a thoroughly good read.

I recommend this book: What Every Body is saying
> Joe Navarro, a former FBI counterintelligence officer and a recognized expert on nonverbal behavior, explains how to "speed-read" people: decode sentiments and behaviors, avoid hidden pitfalls, and look for deceptive behaviors. You'll also learn how your body language can influence what your boss, family, friends, and strangers think of you.

This is a total mischaracterization of socialism. There are anti-authoritarian forms of socialism, which are what the vast majority of socialists advocate for. Sorry but I'm not going to debunk every point in this novel on the INFJ subreddit of all places.

EDIT: The position you're arguing from is called "Capitalist Realism," the notion that Capitalism is a natural outgrowth of human nature and the only truly viable economic model. This view is deeply ahistorical.

https://www.amazon.com/Capitalist-Realism-There-No-Alternative/dp/1846943175/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=capitalist+realism&qid=1570814527&sr=8-1

https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1485732811&sr=8-10&keywords=aaron+beck