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Ok, I realize this going to against everything everyone is ever going to tell you, and my experience is a little different because our kids were planned, but I wish someone -anyone- had told me this 15 years ago. Yes, it is a lot of work. Yes, they're expensive. Yes, it changes your relationship with your SO. And the relationships with your friends. And your family. Hell, even your work relationships change. Here's the thing though. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE. I would have had kids years ago I had known what it's really like.

The relationship with your SO? Talk about the big things now, before Little One is born, and make sure that you're both compromising, that both of your feelings and beliefs are going to be reflected in how you intend on raising them. How are you going to go about religion? How do you both feel about punishment, both what should be punished and how? Childcare? How often do you intend on going out with friends after baby's arrival? Are you comfortable with all your friends being around your kid (seriously, a lot of our friends turned out to be people who though we enjoyed their company, were absolutely not people we wanted around our daughters)? How about family members? How about food? How often is too often for burgers and fries, do they get soda before they're 10? Have these conversations now, before they're actually an issue, and revisit them often, because things change once you get into the swing of things. Know that there will be days where one of you is 'done', and be willing to be tagged into extra duties for those days. It's OK to get burnout, it doesn't make you -or her- a bad parent, and it's so much easier to deal with if there's two of you having each other's back.

They are work. Sleep sucks for those first couple months, and that old saying that everything takes longer with kids, hahahaha....you have no idea. But you're going to find out. And it'll be ok. They sleep a ton those first few months, the first week is terrifying, but after that the adjustment is gradual, and by the time they're awake for any amount of time, you'll have already forgotten about how things were before they came along. Even the worst colicky screaming babe grows out of it eventually, and becomes a normal lovely child, it's just a matter of waiting it out. Unless you're exclusively into extreme sports, you'll figure out how to include kiddo in your hobbies and past times. Sure they might change a bit, daylong hikes become family friendly hour long jaunts, grand strategy computer games become Monster Loves You, but the feeling you get when they enjoy something that you've made them a part of is just, indescribable. You're gonna be surprised how fulfilling a good game of peekaboo is.

And those expenses? There are going to be costs you can't avoid (helloooo childcare! Also, spring for a brand new crib and carseat), but for the most part, you don't have to sell the family cow to get by if you don't want to. Babies don't care if their clothes and toys came from Goodwill. Food banks have baby food, but really all you need is a blender, there's not really a reason they can't eat what you eat. Things might get tight sometimes, but you'll always have resources available to you, your kid isn't going to go hungry. And if you two can keep your chins up, and smiles on your faces, and not stress out, your kid will never know. You're both in school, by the time your kid is in social situations where they can compare their socioeconomic status to those around them you'll all be in a much better place. So don't sweat the small stuff.

You have more resources available to you than any parents ever before. Books, doctors on call, parent groups. Read the books together. A chapter or two every night laying in bed. /u/cedarhouse1377's advice was spot on. What To Expect When You're Expecting is a great read and easily digestible. What to Expect the First Year is also very good. Your Baby's First Year is dry, but very informative. Babycenter.com has answers to a lot of the questions you have for the next few years. When you feel yourself start to panic, don't discount the value of Dr.Google. The internet is always awake, and we're always here for you.

That's your kid. They're going to be ok. You and So are going to be ok. You're smart. You're capable. You got this.

Most of all, congratulations. It's worth it.


*Edited to give proper credit to /u/cedarhouse1377. Sorry I misspelled your username!

Yeah, cooking seems scary, but I swear it's not. I went from "I don't know how to do this and I don't want to and this is scary" to "well, let's see what I can do!"

It can feel incredibly defeating to read a cookbook which tells you you need this and that and that and you go "I have maybe... half of this." You can absolutely substitute items when cooking. Just take a moment and think about the flavors.

Being a good cook is always a +1 to impress a significant other, guy or girl. Even if you can only cook a few meals well, wow them once or twice and you will forever be "that date who can cook."

Just make sure you have a reasonably sized pot, a good non-teflon pan (cast iron is good, but so is any stainless steel one with a nice core), a spatula, some tongs, and a nice set of steak knives.

Finally, if you do splurge on one thing in your kitchen, a good kitchen knife can go a long way. I have a fancy folded carbon steel knife gifted to me, and I love it, but I went a long time with this guy http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000638D32 and I love it. A good sharp knife (and a cutting board!) makes you feel significantly more competent, and that helps.

Hey, congratulations on the promotion! You're going to be fine. Every manager started as a newbie once. I've moved out of senior leadership and now coach people moving into management for a living. Here is some advice I can give, in line with the other suggestions. There are 3 things you have to tackle in this scenario:

1. The integration of the new staff. You need to meet with the new person one-on-one, understand their challenges and help guide them. Your expectations need to be clear, and you will need to follow up with them to continue guiding them until they are up to speed.
   
   
2. The vocal person who is making inappropriate comments about the new person. You need to take her aside, hear her concerns, reflect back to her what she just said (this is important so she knows you listened) and then express your concerns: that a) you function together as a team and b) that if she is not happy with a single person's behaviour, she should first talk to the new person about it, constructively, and if that doesn't work, then she should come to you personally. And that she shouldn't bring it up in front of the group because that is not a constructive way to handle this.
   
   
3. You need to go back to the team as a whole (after the two above conversations) because they witnessed something and they need to know how you are addressing it. You need to discuss what happened in more general terms (don't breach any confidentiality / trust) along the lines that you feel that feedback is very important to the team members and to yourself, but that as a team we have to respect each other in how that feedback is delivered, so that it is constructive and supports the team's working together and performing together. Set your expectations that if there is a problem between anyone they to talk to the person concerned first, and they can come to you if that doesn't work. Get the team to discuss how they will do this, and come together with a "pact" around the feedback process between each other. Tell the whole team that you don't expect negative comments about anyone in front of the group; each member of the team has different strengths and the team will be at its best if those strengths are leveraged. Focus on the strengths, not all the weaknesses, as a team come up with a way to give each other feed back, then hold them accountable to it. The strongest teams have good feedback mechanisms between team-members baked into how they work.
   
   A couple books to read:
   
   (1) Difficult Conversations: How to discuss what matters most (Stone, Patton, Heen)
   
   (2) Mastering Leadership (Anderson, Adams)
   
   
   Here is an interesting TED talk - don't be perturbed by the title. He talks about key character habits of good managers / leaders, that can be learned and practiced.
   
   Hope that helps. Feel free to shoot any questions.
   
   

Short answer: figure out what you like when masturbating and then do that with someone else who you like and trust and have fun with. Don't set goals or deadlines, just mutually mess around and have fun. Things will become more and more fun; like any sport or hobby, the more you do it the better you get, and everyone has their own style.

Long answer:
Start with mutual masturbation. What feels best, what makes you excited? Talk to your partner, do those things. Ask your partner what they like. Try those things. Touch each other, play with each other, get each other off without penetration. Have fun.
Don't pressure yourselves. Use protection, have a pack of Plan B before you need it (a girlfriend might need it, you can be a real hero!) and have fun.

Also, don't be surprised if your partner loses their erection; guys get nervous too, and it can be a real ego-crusher to him when Mr. Happy doesn't do his thing.



Also - don't mean to insult your intelligence, so please understand that this is a fantastic book that I have recommended to adults. Ok?
Some of this stuff will be things you already know, but some will not be. Most Libraries will have it

Last thing; I recommend watching the Midwest Teen Sex Show - it's something like Saturday Night Live meets Sex Ed, and when I found it (I'm 44 - found this in my 30's) there was stuff I didn't know. They talk about all the nuances of sex that were never covered, and they also are frank and factual and just damned outstanding.

I'm a former Librarian, an Aunt to 4 kids, and the Social Aunt to many more - who explained things to kids with parents who couldn't.

If you have any questions about websites or places to learn more, lemme know. My personal experiences won't help, because we're all very different.

TL;DR - go back and read it. Also, double up on protection
(pill + condom OR IUD + condom OR diaphragm + condom... but always always use a condom!)

Much luck, hon. It's great good fun once you've figured things out and have someone awesome.

This is a good binder here: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B075XSXR2K
It is also pretty affordable. You can ask for Amazon gift cards for holidays or can use cash to buy Amazon gift cards at places like Target/Walmart.
You would still need a safe place to ship to. Do you have supportive friends?
If your parents are not supportive, please start reaching out to local support organizations now. If they will let you work part time, it will be good to get a job so that you can get yourself in a position to be financially independent as soon as possible.

not getting mold on damp laundry is location dependent, if its sitting in a pile or your wash.

i live in north east US currently, it's not a concern. when I lived in florida if you left your laundry damp of any length of time you would end up with mildew-y laundry.

But I agree, that I just leave my dirty clothes and blankets in a laundry hamper. I do hang up my wet towels after use to dry a bit, if I remember. This just means throwing it over the door, or on a hook once I'm done using it.

i do sometimes forget to move laundry along and end up rewashing it without soap but add in a cup or two of white vinegar to make sure there is no mildew smell.

also, while i'm rambling, do not use fabric softener on towels, it makes them less absorbent. if you have already done this, no big deal, next load don't use it.

if you use too much detergent your stuff can start to smell musty from buildup of the soap (same for your washing machine). in this case, again, just throw in a cup or two of white vinegar with the wash to remove the extra buildup.

There is a great book about cleaning thats a fun read. - "My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha" by Jolie Kerr. She also had (has?) a podcast for a while which I would listen to as I cleaned, as motivation, learning, and general entertainment.

https://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Barfed-Handbag-Things-Martha/dp/0142196932

https://play.acast.com/s/askacleanperson

Raw honey can help me; maybe packets like these would be best in class? It's great it warm tea too - you could bring a thermos.
https://www.amazon.com/Nature-Nates-Unfiltered-Balanced-Convenient/dp/B01JHLBEES


I would definitely try to figure out what's triggering it, though.

Hey, my son has major dust allergies and I recommend getting those sealed in plastic.

Cheap alternative: plastic garbage bags, twisted at the top and duct taped.

More complete solution: vacuum bags for just this purpose that reduce the amount of space they take up and keep them sealed and safe.

Not recommending these in particular, but this is the idea: https://www.amazon.com/SpaceSaver-Premium-Reusable-Storage-Included/dp/B00X8KSKF6

There are also a type that doesn't require a vacuum: https://www.amazon.com/Ziploc-Space-Bag-Flat-Count/dp/B00MDB3OSE/

​

Hope that helps.

I would recommend you to buy this book, for me, very helpful. It is divided into different chapters, from pay loans, credit cards, to get lower fees, investments, etc. Pretty simple to understand, well explained.

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Teach-You-Rich-Second-ebook/dp/B07GNXPP4P

Oh hon, I feel you. This gets me because I felt the same way. I still do. I have a 19 month old toddler.

Start here: Parenting from the Inside Out.

This book will really help you decipher your family, and really give you hope and tools for not reproducing their problems onto your little beauty of a tiny awesome person.

It's pretty straightforward and incredibly useful.

Then read this and this. Yes read them while you're pregnant because again they will give you hope and insight.

Buy this book and start reading it now too. We call it the Baby Bible in our house.

It's a survival manual for the first year of their life. It has everything. I don't know how many times we've pulled it down and flipped to the index at 2:00 am. It's better than Google. It's fantastic. (That said, it has an angle like all parenting books, even though it tries not to. They are attachment parenting writers. Nothing wrong with attachment parenting per se, just an awareness all parenting books have angles, even the impartial ones.)

Also, if you're anything like me, avoid all the happy, glowing, blowing-stardust-and-glitter-up-your-ass, pregnancy books out there. These did nothing but enrage me. I'm talking about What to Expect and similar. Unless you like stardust and bullshit, avoid avoid avoid.

Basically if you go to a thrift store and there's 8 copies of the damn pregnancy or parenting book on the shelf, don't buy it.

Instead check out books like this and this and this.

Now I haven't read those exact books, unlike all my other recommendations above, all of which I've personally read as a scared, overwhelmed pregnant lady or new mom. But as long as you stay in the 'brutally honest' lane and away from the 'syrupy sweet, guilt laden, shame' lane, then you'll be fine.

Even in 2019 there's a mountain of mommy advice bullshit books out there. Keep your instincts and your wits about you, don't forget who you are. Stay strong. And work on yourself with books like Parenting from the Inside Out and the How to Talk books.

Ditto the sheet suspenders! I have these ones and they work great: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01M6E9JV8/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1