Best products from r/intj
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Sure, as far as Te goes, the general principles are outlined really well over at Personality Junkie. I also really enjoy the exercises for Te (as well as all of the other functions) in Dario Nardi's 8 Keys book.
The stages I typically use go something like this:
I started to write a step called "implementing change" but after all those other steps it should just start to happen. That's been my experience, anyway.
> I am always thinking about ways to do things better or make myself better
You're definitely tuned to the right station then. :-)
> but often have a hard time building and finishing goals to accomplish these ideas.
I hope this has been helpful. My particular advice regarding Te and this feeling you expressed would be to research why people have a hard time building and finishing goals. Gather several sources on the topic and see if you can put the general facts down.
You might also find tools like mind mapping and websites like mindtools.com useful.
I have always focused my learning on hard skills. I thought this was really all that mattered. Good ideas can speak for themselves, right???
Only recently I realized how important soft skills are in life. Like you, I am also researching communication skills, confidence, persuasion/influence, body language, etc.
Here are some materials I have come across. Hope they are helpful in your journey.
This book was very insightful on building rapport: http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-All-About-Techniques-ebook/dp/B0060YIBLK
It was written by a guy in the FBI who's job it was to build relationships with all kinds of people. He outlines 10 steps you can use to build trust with strangers. Topics include using open body language, commenting on surroundings and/or personal accessories, asking open questions about them, etc. Many things covered might seem like "common sense", but if you are not consciously using them is it really "common sense"?
And another book that was helpful about body language: http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-ebook/dp/B000SEH9QG/
This was fascinating and discussed all types of body language, what they mean, and theories on why we do it. There is a section on mating/courting body language, which was also quite eye opening. Again, you will not realize the potential until you bring this stuff into your conscious mind. Many of the things we do while communicating we do subconsciously. It is extremely interesting and sometimes quite funny seeing how people communicate with their body.
One other interesting point on this subject is that your mental state affects your body language, which then affects your mental state, etc. If you have unconfident body language, you will have unconfident thoughts. Watch the Amy Cuddy video on "Fake it until you make it". Have confident body language all the time. If you start slouching, lift up your chest and hold your head up high... even if you are hanging around! You will feel more confident as you turn this into a habit. Practice this stuff every day. You WILL get better. Small wins build confidence and you will create a positive feedback loop.
Regarding "how was your summer", maybe try complementing them instead. People love to feel good about themselves. Are they wearing a unique accessory (watch, necklace, hat) or clothing? Say, "Wow that is a really interesting hat!" See what they say. If they don't open up try a follow-up question. I tried this comment and they opened up about where they were from, how they moved here, etc. The hat was really a way for them to communicate their identity. Another approach is the sympathy card... "Hi, sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out". Talk about a situation you are in and ask for their feedback. Then branch out the convo based on their responses. Make sure your body language is open, yet confident - do not come on strong or closed.
> She knows my favourite food and stuff like that, but not fundamental (and arguably more important things) aspects such as my values and what I want for the future.
So tell her. She'll file it away. She may or may not tell you the same things about herself. She'll be especially interested if you emphasize the plan part of what you want for the future, and the why parts of your values. (Not why you have the values, but the way the values are the why of your plans and decisions.)
> it doesn't seem like she shares my feelings
Probably right. She probably finds it not very important to tell other people, even her legit best friend, about her feelings. Not because she's keeping it to herself, mind you, but because she hardly thinks about her feelings at all. She probably thinks about her feelings as much as you think about the janitorial staff's work schedule at school. She thinks about her thoughts a lot. But she hardly thinks about her feelings at all. And that's why she doesn't talk about them. They're not a big part of her life.
> More often Than not, she is very cold and insensitive even if I'm experiencing a serious situation that upsets me.
This is a real bummer. I didn't learn how to handle this right until I was 32. (Yes, really.) If you think she'd be open to learning an incredibly important relationship skill from a book, here's the one. The High-Conflict Couple. The title seems totally irrelevant, I know. That'll probably be hard for her to get past. But if you tell her that an older, wiser internet stranger recommended this book on the grounds that it's an unbelievably important relationship skill, that's readily learnable from a book, and this book is written in a very INTJ-accessible style... maybe she'll go for it. And if she does, then you, OP, will find that she becomes far, far less cold and insensitive to your suffering.
> she just doesn't care to 'act' in a more emotive and sensitive manner?
This is tricky. Part of it is, she probably wants to be genuine and honest with you. And she genuinely and honestly thinks the best way to deal with you and your problems is to stay level-headed, positive, and solution-oriented.
Another part is probably that she just lacks the basic relationship skill 'validating feelings'. I lacked it until I read the book I mentioned above, The High-Conflict Couple. I knew the phrase, just had no idea how to do it. The book taught me how. It could teach your friend how.
> She has also admitted that she often sees people and relationships as tools? This is worded really badly
I'd bet you $10 that what she meant was she views people and relationships as systems. She thinks about how they work. She's content when they seem to her to be working well, and she's discontent when they seem to be busted. This probably bothers you because it feels artificial or inauthentic to you. And that's natural, because if you started to approach your relationships as systems, it would be artificial and inauthentic when you did it. The thing to know is, it's just not for an INTJ. That's how we conceive of every single thing. Our bodies. Politics. Making a living. Whether to buy a pet. It's the natural, authentic way we think about every single thing- as systems made up of components interacting according to something like laws of nature. Relationships are no exception. We think of them as systems. It's deeply different, but it's not fake, it's not manipulative, and it doesn't mean we don't care about you.
> I really do think that bringing this up will cause tension/fricion/awkwardness in our relationship.
There are quite a few different ways you could bring them up, and some of them would indeed harm your relationship.
Didn't mean to write you a whole essay, but I hope it helps. :)
It seems like there's some pretty deep wounds there. If I had to hazard a guess, he was probably pretty emotionally manipulative, am I right? So here's the thing- People who are good at emotional manipulation will leave you feeling COMPLETELY GODDAMN INSANE. They create almost a feeling of addiction in the people they manipulate- it makes no sense and you can hate the shit out of it but it still works. They do this by using intermittent reinforcement with their approval and affection, and our brains pick this up like it's crack. In the absence of being able to predict what actions will bring reward, we almost panic, and end up behaving in ways that don't make sense to even ourselves. People like that can take totally normal, healthy people and make them feel like they're going insane.
Breathe. It's your brain responding the way brains naturally responds to intermittent reinforcement in intensely stressful situations. Your brain has created this link that he will provide approval and affection if you can only get the pattern right, and you're trying to get that dopamine hit from his affection and approval by any means you can think of. You're not broken, you're not fucked up in the head, your brain is doing one of the annoying little things that brains do sometimes and you will be okay without him. I know that's really hard to fathom, but think of it like this: your dopamine rush when you got affection and attention from him was so strong that your brain is almost literally treating him like an addiction. It's not love, your brain has been conditioned by his manipulation into a state of obsession. Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest reinforcement pattern, and lasts long after it feels like it "should" have ceased.
I think it might hit NT types even a little harder than other types, because our Fi is so intense but very difficult to express and explain, and we pride ourselves so strongly on our rationality. We often lock our feelings up because they can be so vicious and blistering, so when we let anyone in and we get that first hit of approval, our brain kind of loses its shit and knocks us sideways and sucks the air out of our lungs. Our brains are so pattern hungry that intermittent reinforcement is almost irresistible- we want to figure out the pattern, we feel like we've almost got it, if only we could put in the last piece.
So, if you're looking for a hint as to what the pattern is, it's control. It's not random. He will give you a breadcrumb as long as he wants to string you along, dropping one every time you start to distance yourself even a little. Learn about the cycle of abuse, especially narcissistic abuse, and you'll find the answer there. From breadcrumbs to freezing out to love bombing, it's a pattern designed to fuck with your brain and make you lose your emotional balance.
You will heal. It will feel better, but the only way out is through. Face your inner emotional damage, whatever you've got, and learn more about your own emotional processing- enough to understand how you tick and what sets off this kind of reaction in your brain. Keep talking to your therapist. Start reading books on emotional abuse patterns and on psychology, find your pattern there instead of in him.
You'll be okay. You know at some level you will be. Soldier through and work on your internal stuff and you'll get there, and will be better for it. Use your brain to beat your own brain on this.
Edit: OP, look up Complex PTSD and see if it strikes a chord. A good book if you're looking for one for is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and resources for adult children of alcoholics would probably be pretty helpful. I would definitely recommend trauma therapy- it is probably your best bet for longer term healing, even if you do DBT first. EMDR may help, too, if you can find a therapist who works with it (many trauma therapists do). If you dissociate at all, try grounding techniques like this to get back to your more rational center. If anxiety is a big part of it for you, it's highly treatable with therapy focusing on tools and techniques to calm and ground yourself, and there are TONS of resources on the internet.
Your emotions may not make sense to you, but they aren't illogical, they exist to guide you and to give you information about the world. They may be out of proportion, but that's due to the thought processes you have and the story you're telling yourself. They're perfectly proportional to what your thoughts/self-talk are saying to you, so you have to adjust the internal dialogue to be more objective in order to make your emotions more useful and in proportion. Buddhism as a philosophy is great for helping with this, it's like the softer side of Stoicism with more focus on being kind and present. A good book on finding and correcting cognitive distortions (the self-talk that makes your emotions go nuts) is Feeling Good by David Burns (It's almost DBT lite).
I had a similar experience in elementary school and high school, but I got lucky and found people like me in college.
Since college (that's 14 years ago now), I have found a few wonderful people who enrich my life in the way that you're wishing for.
Here's my advice. Two pieces.
You're not being ridiculous. It sounds like he's... responding to you in a damaged way / caught in a negative automatic feedback loop / triggered by something in his past. It's not a healthy pattern for either of you.
Example of what may be going through his head, using your post below:
You: "hey, did you do XYZ chore?"
You: "oh, okay. I'll do it after I get changed."
He may have been assuming you were going to get mad at him after he said "No", because (in his past) people have gotten mad at him when he didn't do something. When you said that you'd do it after you got changed, he may also have thought "Oh, now she's not only calling me lazy / forgetful / whatever people called him in the past, she's also saying I'm incompetent / incapable / stupid / unable to do this task" (working off his "old" mental script), and exploded.
By the time he stopped reacting emotionally and could think rationally again (cools down enough to apologize), he's probably feeling guilty (apologetic), and apologizes. But when you're not immediately okay, he probably takes it personally as a sign that you're still mad at him. ("I apologized, why is she still upset? Why isn't anything I do enough for her?") and blows up again.
I have a similar response as you do (I need time to cool down). These are some of the strategies that I've used to break this type of cycle:
Instead of saying: "hey, did you do XYZ chore?"
Try: "Hey, when was the last time we XYZ chore'd?" or "Have we XYZ chore'd lately?" ("When was the last time we washed the dishes?" or "Have we washed the dishes lately?" - this asks for the same information - when was XYZ last executed - but using "we" instead of "you" reinforces that you two are a team, while making the question less accusatory / personal to him.)
Instead of saying: "oh, okay. I'll do it after I get changed."
Try: "Oh, okay. I wanted to finish XYZ tonight / tomorrow / <some period of time>, because <reason>. I can't do it because <other reason>. Would you help me XYZ ?" This makes it clear when and why you wanted to have XYZ done, why you aren't doing it yourself, and lets him choose whether or not to help. (If he's a good guy, and it's his usual chore, he'll likely say yes.) )
Instead of leaving:
First, try saying: "I think we're both upset right now; I need to take a walk / go to <location> to relax and clear my head. Can we take a quick break and talk about this in <some unit of time>?" This makes it clear what you are doing, and (more importantly) when you'll be back and ready to talk. Overestimate the amount you need; he'll probably be happy to see you if you come back early, but more upset if you come back late.
If he starts interrogating you when you leave:
Try: "I can see you're upset; I'm upset too. I really need to go <location / activity> to calm down and clear my head. I will be back by <time>. Let's talk about <first reason for the fight> then. I'd also like to know why my <going to location / activity> is so upsetting to you - when I get back, can we talk about that too?" This acknowledges his distress / separation anxiety and makes it clear it is important to you, while emphasizing your own needs.
If he gets upset that you're not immediately bouncing back after an argument:
Try: "Yes, we're good - I'm not mad at you anymore. However, my body's still flooded with adrenaline and it takes me a while to cool down. I should be back to normal in <x period of time>. I'm not ready to cuddle right now, but <some activity> together would help me feel better." This gives him some idea of how long you'll be in the upset-state, a path forward for him to make it up to you (that also would actually help you feel better), and reassurance that your relationship is okay using a make-up ritual. (ex: "I'm not ready to cuddle right now, but getting some ice cream / playing Mario Kart / watching some Game of Thrones / seeing XYZ chore done would make me feel better.") (He's probably used to relationships where the other person cuddles / kisses as part of their make-up ritual, and assumes that because you're not cuddly / kissy, it's not a real "make-up" and you're still mad. That's why communicating your discomfort, with a timeline, and giving him an alternative "make-up ritual" is important - so he can identify and get used to a new normalcy signal.)
It's basically communicating your needs / points of view, in a way that is not threatening / personally directed towards him. I found this book to be very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Marshall-Rosenberg/dp/1892005034/
I have two whiteboards as well, i find them more useful for scheduling with upcoming social events, parties, coffee dates, practical classes.
So the reason why i have a flashcard system with multiple draws is to improve my spaced repetition (see Rate of Forgetting)
I've never really had any trouble remembering daily news, but then again i don't pay that much attention to it, but for scientific journal articles i print them out and highlight sections i find useful to review later on in the same day - then put them into a filing cabinet, it's unlikely i'll need to know that information for everyday purposes, but if something sparks my memory related to that subject i'll review it as soon as i can.
If you want to start developing a better memory - there is this book which can teach you some wonderful ways to use your memory.
edit: I prefer real paper flashcards over programs like Anki because writing it by hand has been proven to increase retention more so than typing them out. The link for the paper seems to be broken but here is an article explaining it.
Also reading on paper is better than digital
Might also suggest It's Not All About "Me": The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone by Robin Dreeke. He advocates for:
It's a helpful list of suggestions. And, I'd wager that most INTJs, like me, frequently are doing the opposite of a few of these when they have a bad social interaction. It can't just be about getting information. It's got to be about the other person and building a relationship too.
You shared a lot of information and I have just a few thoughts for your consideration. These are in no particular order. These more focus on the advice-guidance. I am in a technical field and though I lead some strategically, I'm more a technical advisor than director.
I hope they help and good luck.
Hey! this is a super late reply but read this book... Sorry about the hyperlink I dont know how to make it small lol. The book is super comprehensive and talks specifically about MBTI and careers you will excel in and like based off of your type.
Finding inner peace in the modern world is a significant challenge. All the accomplishments in the world can’t replace inner peace.
But there are ways to find and maintain inner peace.
I would definitely prefer one of the book that I have recently completed and learned many things about living a happy and stress-free life.
Sure, but Meyers Briggs types don't describe the kinds of things you're interested in or how good of a person you are. You can have an INTJ that loves fantasy novels and an INTJ that will only read non-fiction. You can have an INTJ that is totally Machiavellian and an INTJ whose first principles are kindness and compassion.
Meyers Briggs just describes (or lumps people into categories with common discriptions) how you primarily perceive information and process that information. There has been limited research into how Meyers Briggs types manifest neurologically. Correlation is not causation, but as soon as you start having basic physical phenotypes (straight, brown hair) it makes sense to look for a born-that-way reason. The equivalent of curling or dying your hair would be developing your lower functions (Fi, Se), but you'd still be dominantly Ni, Te.
I (and every student ever) had the exact same problem, with needing to remember pointless terms and facts for a stupidly short amount of time. If the issue is purely to do with memorisation, I can suggest some methods I used to get through an insanely vapid last year of high school.
In Business Studies for example, there were a whole bunch of operational influences we needed to remember. By simply shortening the words into one random phrase I made up, I managed to remember it all - actually I still remember it 7 months on: GloTech QuaLeg CorpGov CostEnv; which was Globalisation, Technology, Quality Assurance, Legal, Corporate Social Responsibility, Government, Cost-Based Competition and Environment. For something so asinine, I simply would not have been able to remember those 8 words in exam conditions without this method. And I applied this to about 8 different sections of 6-8 terms, it all worked for me. The key is to make it something which you yourself made up and thus something you yourself will remember. If it's something sexual or offensive, doubles your chance of retaining the knowledge.
Similarly, just stringing terms/numbers together is a good way to save some mental memory. I remember one weekend learning Pi to 100 digits. It always impresses people, and is a guaranteed method to get any lady/man you want. Seriously, I have dropped so many wet panties by simply uttering that string of numbers. Anyway, so people are like 'What?! How do you do it?!'. The trick which got me to 100, is to simply remember them in stings. I don't know Pi as 3 then point then 1 then 4 then 1 then 5 then 9 then 2 then etc. - I know it as 3.141 - 592 - 65358 - 9793 - 2384 - 6264 - 3383 - 2795 and so on. So instead of 100 individual numbers, it's more like 25 strings, which is a lot easier.
There was also the memory palace technique, which you can learn more about here. But basically, since humans are predominately visual, creating a visual image of what you need to remember is incredibly effective. The idea is that you visualise a place, say a building or a road which you are incredibly familiar with. And in this 'palace', you mentally place certain 'objects' which are intended to trigger certain terms, eg. if I needed to remember the date 1776 and relate it to America, I would place a scantily clad George Bush with 1776 written across his bare chest. That is an image I will definitely not forget. And the idea is to have an imagined route through your 'palace' full of these 'objects', and if you are able to recall this absurd creation, you should be able to recall all the facts and terms which are enclosed therein.
All this basic information is coming from a book I read a few years back called Moonwalking with Einstein; great read if you or anyone else are curious to learn more about memory, mnemonics and whatnot. Hopefully some of this is of help to you.
Tl;dr: No, but here are some ways of making it less painful.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sounds wildly abusive, and I hope you can look into talk therapy at a minimum. You may be suffering from a form of complex PTSD, but of course there's no way anyone can diagnose just based on one anonymous post and I am not a doctor. It may however benefit you to at least look into.
There is also this book that may help:
I hope it's ok to respond with these sorts of things - don't mean to force recommendations on you. Hope you're doing ok
I recommend reading this book to learn more about adult attachment theory and how it impacts our relationships. It's an insightful, basic introduction to adult attachment theory that explains, at least in part, how and why we choose our partners. It's rooted in science - something a lot of INTJs can appreciate.
Best of luck to you.
From what you're describing, I would recommend The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over over any other book.
This is the best and most up-to-date book on body language. If given the decision, you should choose to read this before you read What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People.
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Brains are funny things and sometimes they need training, like any other part of the body. I would suggest either seeing a psychologist, or getting something like this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009UW5X4C which starts with a way to somewhat self-diagnose depressive thinking and treat it on your own with cognitive behavioral therapy.
Psychology is interesting to learn about regardless, even if you don't think you're depressed.
Another interesting read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man%27s_Search_for_Meaning
I recomend "feeling good" by david burns MD https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1567778593&sr=8-1 I only read like the first chapter and it really helped improve my mood.
>The root of the problem has come from self realization that every individual is, in fact, alone. Everything is done for the individuals enjoyment... so what’s the point of being here if you’re not enjoying anything?
This part here was an important realization to me, the solution that I found out is that I should find what I enjoy and performs those activities to my own lonely enjoyment. this may involve others or just me.
>Also, everything is really pointless. You go to a pointless school to get a pointless job to get pointless money to feed your pointless family until you pointlessly die. The only “point” is fulfillment. If it isn’t fulfilling, there is NO point.
>Bottom line is I feel like I let everyone down. I feel generally alone and have almost no friends, my girlfriend is changing and I don’t like it. I am lost and I think I’ve reached checkmate.
Here you answer your first part, you should look towards fulfilling yourself you will always let someone down with every choice you make. the important thing is not letting yourself down. going to the left will disappoint the people that wanted to go right. picking chicken for dinner will disappoint the beef manufacturers, wearing a skirt will disappoint the pant makers. if whatever you do will disappoint someone, then why does that someone has to be yourself? it should be someone else.
Reading the book helped me change my perspective when I was doing unpleasant activities. Whenever I have to be in an uncomfortable situation I just choose to focus on the things I want and try to get some enjoyment out of it. for my general life I just realized that I should focus on my own and I have started dedicating things to myself, I went to the gym and set some goals for myself. I have disappointed some people along the way but I am doing what I want and I certainly feel better for it.
My solution was not perfect but I am happier than before.
To boost strengths? Basically anything by Ayn Rand or Friedrich Nietzsche
To shore up weaknesses? Nonviolent Communication
Also, if you want all of the good stuff from the self-help category of books with none of the bullshit, read this one: The Happiness Hypothesis
The Definitive Guide To Body Language
I've been reading here and there for years but this is the only book I have. I think it's far from definitive, but it has a lot of good stuff in it. You will probably find that you already know more than you think you do and you will become more perceptive just by becoming aware.
I've also heard good things about What Every BODY Is Saying. I haven't read it yet but it's on my list.
Also, because this is an MBTI subreddit I will include this. Facial Expressions Of The 8 Functions. I noticed a while ago that each type looked a certain way but was never able to fully break it down until I found this website. I find Ne users to be the most obvious.
I read this biography about Elon musk. He is definitely an interesting person. While I respect him in many ways and he is certainly going to either directly or indirectly change the world, he is an asshole. For example, there was a story about an employee that was asked to take on an impossible task. The employee came back in defeat. Musk fired him and did the job himself. Musk's mind is amazing, his personal skills are surely lacking.
I didn't even really start getting a decent handle on things until I was ~25ish (until then I kind of just distracted myself with things like video games to bury my feelings... which in retrospect sounds like a completely stereotypical INTJ move), so don't worry, you have plenty of time :)
And you're right, experience is huge. In addition I also recommend meditation (/r/meditation), cognitive behavioral therapy (basically learning to identify your thoughts that don't make any sense so you can argue against them, I liked this book), and really just having your life together in general (e.g. good sleep, eating, exercise, social, and study habits... which of course is much easier said than done haha).
If you have counseling available at your school, personally I also find that stuff extremely useful. I doubt there's anyone in the world that wouldn't benefit from having an hour with a professional trained to help you solve your problems, even though there's a negative stigma associated with it.
Social media is a good call, but I actually think it's not only that, but browsing in general - it's been very well described in a book called The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains. I'd recommend to minimise browsing the internet and try to replace it with reading longer texts (yes, it's quite ironic to give this advice on Reddit).
How would you describe your attention span/focus in general?
waitbutwhy has a series of 5 very detailed blog posts about him that explain who he is and what he wants to accomplish with tesla and spacex (and why those accomplishments are important).
DISCLAIMER: these blog post are really long, more like a short book than a blog post.
if that is not enough there is also a biography written by ashlee vance
MBTI only accounts for parts of our behaviour. A better answer to what you're experiencing may be found in attachment theory, with different people having different needs/aversions to intimacy based on a combination of evolution and early childhood experiences.
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns teaches you the basics of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which is a great tool against depression and for, you know, feeling good.
Really liked this book which breaks down suggested career paths based on personality
Baa, baa, black sheep. Don't bleach your wool or join the wolves like others posting in this thread are suggesting.
Instead, realize that you are a shepherd.
I don't have an answer for you. I am as broken as any other such person in your predicament. However, I have found solace in understanding.
To that end, in this very subreddit a couple of days ago there was a decent discussion on this topic: Existential Depression in Gifted Children and Adults
As well, these resources have helped me understand my childhood and how to cope as an adult. I hope they serve you well.
You might find https://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-Are-Personality/dp/031623673X to be helpful.
Alan Watts: https://youtu.be/khOaAHK7efc
If you're into this kind of stuff, check out the book What Every BODY is Saying on nonverbal communication written by a former FBI interrogator. It's almost not even fair the advantages you have in social situations knowing this kind of stuff.
I wonder if anyone there read this book.
Who I think is an INTJ.
> What every body is saying
This. One of my worst book purchases. I'd recommend What Every BODY is Saying.
It's the (mostly) objective kind of thing you'd probably like, and it'll help you adapt conversations based on body language. It's not like HtWF&IP, where the goal is "hhhehehe, got ya now, sucker." Lying and manipulation is for assholes.
It's more, "hold up, this person isn't responding well, even though they're acting happy, try something different. Ahhh, I've explained myself better, maybe added a bit of compromise, now we're on the same page"
I believe that an INTJ mindset can be a tremendous liability when dealing with a depression because of our tendency to seek logical conclusions. Different mindsets like All-or-Nothing or focusing on a single negative aspect of a situation can quickly become an echo chamber for negative thoughts. The INTJ mind can easily run amok.
However, I also believe that our INTJ profile can use its disadvantage to its advantage because we gravitate towards systems. If we construct a personal mind-system that monitor our thoughts, the heavy cloak of depression can be lifted. Such mind-systems are discussed at lengths in the book, "Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns".
Dr. David D. Burns builds his practice upon the stoic philosophy which concludes that it is our thoughts that make the base for our feelings. So to know your thoughts is to govern your feelings and thus your depression.
A quick overview.
Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns