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Hey man, I'm 23 years old, and I was a pretty big loner too back in high school. I'm still very much an introvert but I'm far from the social recluse I was back then. What I'm about to write probably won't change your life around, but at the very least I hope you might one day reflect back on it and hopefully help you a little bit.

For starters, high school doesn't really matter. It might seem like the biggest thing in your life currently (or not), but most of it won't affect you years later. Even now, some of the more popular kids I knew back in high school have retained like 2-3 friends from back then at most, while everyone else faded away and gone about their own ways. The people that will actually matter, as in your love life and work life, are the people you'll meet outside of high school.

Second, friends and connections don't come without effort. Life isn't some romance-comedy film, where you, the protagonist, meets some whimsical girl on a whim and suddenly click with her. You have to put yourself out there. Now I know, that's pretty much the opposite of what being an introvert is, but here's the thing, I'm not telling you to become an extrovert, far from it. I'm proud to be an introvert, and I'm happy to correct anyone who says/accuses me of having social anxiety, etc. That being said, I don't shy away from opportunities.

What exactly does that mean? Well, for starters, really analyze yourself as a person. What do you enjoy? What do you like? Video games? Anime? My Little Ponies? Death Metal? Soccer? LARPing? Fantasy novels? Game of Thrones? Are you Asian? Black? Indian? It doesn't matter, because I can fucking guarantee you right now that there's someone at your school who shares the same interests, but you have to make the effort to find them. How? Well, clubs and activities are a good place to start, if your interests line with one that's available at your school. Does your school have some online forum? Trying seeking people there. Point is, you're not the only person at your school with your tastes, but you're not going to find them without at least making some effort. But here's the thing. If you don't or can't find anyone by the time you graduate, it's okay. The world is a big place. In the last 5 years since I've graduated, I've met people with similar interests as me in places I never thought I would. I promise you that you will too.

Third, start caring about your physical appearance. I don't give a damn if you're the kind of kid who thinks worrying about how you look is superficial and shallow and you're above it all, because believe it or not, how you make yourself appear matters a whole lot more than you think, not just in social settings, but in your work life as well. No one's going to hire some punk ass teen who looks like he hasn't showered in days and smells like he hasn't brushed his teeth in weeks, and wears baggy ass clothes that don't fit. You might think you look cool now, but let me point you to /r/blunderyears and show you how much of a fool you might look. Start eating healthy and go buy nice, fitting clothes. Button ups, collar shirts, plain-color Tees, etc., I recommend /r/malefashionadvice, even if it has a tendency to circlejerk at times. Start hitting the gym regularly. Trust me, no one judges you, and no one cares you're there, if gym anxiety is what you're afraid of. I'm not making fun of you or criticizing you, we've all been there. It's better for you to realize it sooner and start working on it now than to be an unfortunate (yet hilarious) individual who ends up posting in that subreddit. Bless those souls who have the courage to post there, because I have my fair share of blunder pics that I'm too embarrassed to ever put on a public forum.

Fourth, don't be an asshole. This is purely anecdotal, you may not be like this at all, but when I was in high school I was an elitist prick. I thought I was cool for listening to indie and hating on mainstream radio songs and was a judgmental asshole. I also thought anyone who was religious was an idiot for believing in the supernatural. I studied philosophy, works like Thoreau, Kant, Marx, etc. I thought I was so much smarter than everyone. In retrospect, it's that kind of attitude that repelled people. Look, if you have some passion or interest that you have some insight or knowledge into, that's great! But don't shoehorn it into a conversation unless it's with someone who shares the same interests, and don't act like you're better for having some niche interest. Everyone you meet is your superior, because everyone you meet knows more than you on something, so treat everyone with respect.

Lastly, I highly recommend reading these two books: How to Win Friends & Influence People and Introvert Advantage (both non-affiliate links). I know, it's a silly sounding book, I sure as hell was embarrassed when I bought it. Hell, you might even think the contents of the book are obvious. But in the last 5 years since I've read that book, I ended up employing a lot of the techniques in that book without realizing, and it's paid off. Even if you think it's stupid, as long as you keep the key points of the book in mind, you will subconsciously execute them in social settings, and you will see it pay off, I promise. The second book, Introvert Advantage, will help give insight into your life in more ways than most people in your life will be capable of, because the book will understand you. Your parents, your guidance counselor, or hell your therapist if you have one might not, because not everyone understands what it's like to be an introvert, but this book will. Try giving both a read.

More than anything, I want you to know that high school isn't the end all be all that defines how you'll live for the rest of your life. I was borderline suicidal in high school. Thoughts of how to kill myself was my only solace at night. I honestly thought I would have ended up offing myself by the time I was in my mid-20s, but here I am, happier than I ever was back then. It takes time, a little bit of luck, but mostly a lot of effort on your part.

You're welcome. Having my own history of social anxiety and being hurt, I can see a little of myself in both of you which is why I want to help as well as I can.

Regarding the virtual hug thing, I'd say you're definitely overreacting. It might just be that he didn't want to just exactly copy you, as that might imply him not having his own personality. It might be that he does not really feel such virtual signs affection are that important, since they are nothing like the real thing but just pixels on a screen. What is a virtual hug, anyway? And don't you think him reciprocating a virtual kiss far outweighs him not reciprocating a virtual hug? How is a virtual kiss a way of holding back?

Don't focus on little things that might be missing (the virtual hug), but on the big things you do actually have. You two are in touch everyday. You are one of only very few people he confided his childhood trauma to (that he had for a very long time not even talked about to his mother) and he sought your emotional support when he had a bad day. Plus he actively reached out to you for that. Don't you think these are huge signs he feels really close to you, that you very likely already are the most important person to him? I see his opening up as a big step forward. Telling you how "fucked up" his life is already requires a lot of trust and your continued support and affection following his confessions will boost his trust in you even further. Do you also confide in him? That will show him that you trust him as well. I think it is important that he knows that he also is an important source of support to you.

About whether his feelings for you are of a growing and romantic nature: Of course you never "know", but as your relationship already has a physical intimacy component to it, I highly doubt he sees you as "just a friend". And I wouldn't share deep feelings with someone I don't feel very close to and also see being close to in the future, so I'd also rule out that he still sees you as a temporary dating partner. Maybe he is just as anxious to "seal the deal" with you but thinks he might seem too desperate coming forward too early. Maybe he first wants to make sure you know about his flaws before he's comfortable to do so, so that you know what you are "getting yourself into" and will not get the feeling of being tricked into something. I can imagine he would be just as destroyed if he was left by you, as you would be if you were left by him. So don't be afraid, but patient. Patient with him, patient with yourself. Take the time to reflect on your own feelings for him. What exactly are they enforced by? Is it genuine happiness you feel when being together, or is it only alleviation of pain? Do you want a relationship with him (and why him) or do you rather need it (a need that could just as well be fulfilled by someone else)? The better you understand your own feelings, the better you can deal with and act on them.

Of course you can't see the future, nobody can, and you might fear that one day he might not need you any more. Remember that he might fear the same about you (he probably does). And the only way out of this fear is to work on your relationship and, to that end, on yourselves. As I said, the most stable relationships are those that both partners don't absolutely need, but want anyway. That's what you (and anyone else, for that matter) should strive for. Right now you both desperately need each other and that is okay, but in the long term you need to think about the question: If we were both happy about ourselves and didn't need permanent validation and emotional support from each other, what would make us want to be together anyway? At the latest when you have helped each other to defeat your self-esteem issues your relationship cannot simply be based on helping each other in bad times, but will have to thrive on the good times: the fun you have together, the compliments for achievements, the interesting conversations. For that to happen, you need to know yourselves. Know what brings you fun, know your goals and work towards them, know your interests. And as I already said, as long as you do it for yourself and not for anyone else, working on yourself will pay off in any case. It will help you with relationships and it will help you when being rejected. You said that you already have great conversations with your partner, that you both have similar goals in life, and that you try to work on yourself in therapy. That's great! You're moving in the right direction.

Do you think philosophy might be something that could interest you? You seem to worry a lot about the feeling of being worthless, especially upon being rejected. For a long time, I thought it would be impossible to see my life as intrinsically valuable; I thought that I would always need validation by others to be able to enjoy life in the first place. Learning about philosophy has helped me with that. I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm definitely less anxious. If you feel like you could be interested, you might give this playlist a try and/or read Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder, a book written for young adults as an introduction to Western Philosophy. Another book I can recommend is Anne Frank's diary. Learning about her dreams and interests, her love of life and nature, and on the other hand her fears and her loneliness, and the sheer fact that she didn't get the chance to live the life she dreamed of, this all made my own problems seem somehow... less severe.

In any case: Chin up! I'm optimistic things will work out for you!

Have you ever seen the film Little Miss Sunshine? You might enjoy it if you happen to find a spare minute. There's a character in it who's a teenager like yourself who takes a vow of silence, for political reasons in his case. You might expect that the film might take the attitude of making fun of him, and occasionally it does, but it also takes a very human and understanding attitude towards him. If I recall correctly he's really one of the best characters.

Keep in mind this film is what you might call black humor; please don't blame me if you watch it and it offends you. But it might also make you smile as it has made me smile. I hope you enjoy it if you do watch it.

Anyway, you sound like you're in a place where you are trying to heal and mourn. I don't know what it's like to experience your mental state, so no one except you can tell you whether it is a healthy place or not. Does that make sense? Human contact is really important to the healthy human experience, but it's not like you're completely forgoing human contact (e.g. you're presumably still listening to class discussion and responding in nominal ways, and here you are, also, talking to us). That's still a lot of stimulation as /u/NotBeth pointed out; I definitely would feel overstimulated if I had to sit through high school again.

You sound like you're working on yourself right now, possibly in a way that you don't fully understand. Certainly it's unlikely that we, from reading 82 words that you posted on the Internet, can understand what's going on.

From noticing your posts elsewhere on this account, it definitely seems like you are struggling with some depression. So, as a fellow stoner, a former teacher, and a person who has also suffered loss and who has struggled with depression, I actually will issue some advice.

• Smile sometimes. Smile at yourself in the mirror. This might sound like stupid advice but it isn't. Smiles make people happy, and it works shockingly well on oneself.
  
  
• Cut the weed to a bare minimum, if not completely out of your life. I say this as a semi-daily stoner myself - but I'm 28 years old and fully physically mature. Weed in teenage years is associated with anxiety disorders in adulthood. That is no joke. While you are still physically growing, you need to let yourself reach physical maturity without too much physical interference. The weed will still be there when you're 22 or 23. /r/leaves is a resource for you; they're committed to quitting weed and they're not too terribly pretentious about it.
  
  
• Find people to talk to about these feelings -- not necessarily on an "every day" basis, but it's important to be able to process them and trying to do so alone is massively overrated. Some suggestions: your doctor (if they are a good doctor), a therapist (always an excellent call; I'm sure your parents would hook you up if you haven't been speaking for two weeks lol), or the web site 7 Cups of Tea, which connects you anonymously right away to a caring listener via text chat, and there are other self-care exercises you can do.
  
  
• None of this means you're crazy/weak/not a man/not a woman/whatever you might be worrying about. Part of this self-care stuff means learning to listen to the narratives that you tell yourself when you're in your head, and pruning the unhealthy ones (not in a violent way, but in a nurturing way) so that the healthy ones can grow.
  
  
• Continue to let yourself grieve in your own way. In a way I think you are wise and courageous to give yourself "permission" to adopt this silence. But don't overdo it, because as I said, going it alone is overrated.
  
  
• Join us in /r/meditation if you want to find a community of others who are all working on ourselves, as patiently as we can. I warn you however that we are very long-winded over there.
  
  Please feel free to message me if you'd like to chat. Good luck!
  
  Edit: One final thing -- there is a book out there called The Miracle of Mindfulness that has helped me more than I can possibly say. I would be happy to pay for you to have a copy -- if you buy one off Amazon and post proof, I would be happy to PayPal you the cost of the book & shipping ($14.48 it looks like).

I use pretty simple stuff. I don't ever really know what I'm doing, so mostly things come about by accident. Here are a few options, in a loose order from simplest to less-so:

If you have garage band on a mac (or can get it on a pc), this might not be the best method, but I've done it before: plug your guitar straight into the computer with a 1/4 to 1/8 adapter plugged into the computer's input (I think this works, I honestly can't remember- or you can feed it through pedals, effects, or an amp. This might blow some shit up, though. I have no idea), and mess around with the various effects. You can preview them after setting up a new "song", adding a "real instrument", and there should be a big list of different effects for guitar, vocals, etc. I like to put vocals through guitar effects because a lot of music I like has blown out vocals, and it's a rough approximation.
-- even simpler, I used to use the computer microphone (you might have to go into system preferences and change it from external/computer mic to the audio input, or the other way around) and play with my acoustic while the effects were played through "live" via the preview option or while I was recording. If you use headphones, you can kind of get a distortion effect. There's some background noise, but it's mostly just for experimentation. If you don't use headphones and the "live" preview of the effects is on, it can create feedback. Even then, if that happens, if you press your finger up on the computer mic hole and mess around with it, it kind of acts like a poor man's theremin. Again, that's just for fun.

Moving onto actual equipment, I am not the best person to ask about this kind of thing, but I just try to figure out how to do stuff with the options I am given. So a long time ago, my little brother was given a digital 8-track recorder, and he never ended up using it. It's a Boss BR-864, and I believe my parents gave it to him because they got it for a lowered price because it was a floor model. Always ask places like guitar center or music stores if you can get a good deal on the floor model on stuff like this. It might not be worth it, seeing as how it might have been abused by customers and their curious kids, but hey- the one I have has been working for years.

Anyhow, for a few years, I used that digital recorder just to play through all of the different guitar effects that came with it. Including all of the guitar-, synth- and bass-specific effects, it has 99 total effects. There are also some vocal-specific effects, but I usually use distorted vocals because I think it sounds neat. So you can plug in your instrument, plug in some headphones, and play around. It's also great when you live in an apartment where your neighbors are close by, or if you live with your parents or roommates and don't want to bug them while you want to play guitar late at night.

In any case, I finally figured out how to record one song at a time on that recorder, which kind of bugged me because when I was a teenager, I had a 4-track recorder that used cassette tapes, and when I got tired of messing around with one song, I could put in a different tape and work on a different song. As far as I know, you can't really do that without backing up and reloading data via USB and a computer.

As far as drums, the recorder I use has buttons on the bottom that can be used as a "rhythm pad", if you just want to have a rough approximation of a beat, or you want to loop a beat to play over. I don't really use that. As far as that goes, a keyboard with drum sounds would also work, if that works for you.

I luckily got a set of electronic drums (Roland TD-9KX2-S) over the past year, which has made recording much, much easier. They sound pretty great, and the only part that leaves something to be desired is the cymbals, but when you're beating on rubber to trigger a signal that approximates a cymbal peal rather than actually having the ability to hit the cymbal exactly how you want to, you give up a bit of the dynamics. It's not bad, but when you tend to beat the shit out of your equipment, you realize how inexact you're being when you're forced to sit down and play. I'm not the best drummer, but I try to be the loudest. That's just my own dumb thing, though.

I used to just play my acoustic drums in a small room with a microphone hanging in the middle of the room, and since it was structured in a quasi-pyramidal shape, things kind of worked out somehow with the way the sound bounced around. Usually the roar of the cymbals was kind of an ever-present hiss and the bass drum was overbearing, but I usually liked it sounding fucked up like that.

NOW: as far as what you can do for percussion, I don't know what your specific accommodations and limitations are, or how loud or soft you like your percussion to be, but consider alternative objects for percussion. I've seen a guy sit cross-legged on the floor, standing a cymbal (I think it was technically a crash, but it was being used more like a ride) on its bell, so it was played on its underside and could ring a little, but was muted enough for the other person playing acoustic guitar and singing to be heard. (He also played a snare that sat on the carpeted floor, muffling the resonance quite a bit. It all sounded pretty decent for what it was.) A friend of mine who did quiet acoustic music recorded the sound of scratching his fingernails on his jeans and the snip of some scissors for a beat. When I was recording a demo with a friend of mine back in college, he recorded the guitar on bandcamp with an acoustic with the method I described above, and I played "drums" by smacking my palm and a cassette tape case on an empty keg of beer. It was ridiculous and didn't sound that good, but it worked at the time.

However! I don't know your musical tastes, but one of my heroes (at least regarding improvised and sometimes jank-ass recording methods) is Jay Reatard. When he was 15, he recorded a demo in his bedroom on a 4-track recorder, beating on a bucket with a stick for drums. I think it sounds kind of awesome. He kept on recording by himself up until early 2010 when he died at 29, but just to give you an idea of the progression, he recorded this song, Fashion Victim by himself and under the moniker "The Reatards" when he was 15. Fast forward 14 years and hundreds of recordings with a ton of different bands, his most successful recordings were still done by himself and in his room. By this point, he had moved into a place of his own and upgraded his equipment while also learning how to play, but essentially, it's the same guy, doing the same thing, as "Jay Reatard." This is his song, "It Ain't Gonna Save Me". The link is to the video for the song, and the music actually starts around one minute in.

That guy might not be your flavor, but it was an example to show that if you have the basics, you can kind of do whatever you want and are only limited by your musical abilities (my current struggle) and creativity to record a bunch of shit. Even then, sometimes you don't need to know how to play to be able to make something.

I know I wrote a shitload more than I meant to, but I accidentally took a double dose of my ADD meds this morning and words are flowing like molten butter out of my head. A few more people to check out who record solo: Potential Johns is one of the guys from a band I like called The Marked Men. I can never remember which recording it is, but one of his has over 20 guitar tracks, which is ridiculous and awesome. Another guy is Bradford Cox from Deerhunter a Atlas Sound. That's less of a pop-punk vibe like the previous examples I gave. And MY MAN, Mark Sultan, other wise known as BBQ (as one half of King Khan & BBQ), is a damn modern soul junk genius. And Ty Segall is a San Franciscan wunderkind.

I'm typing too much now, but a few more things. Check out some modern one-man-band guys, just for fun.
Philip Roebuck: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KERZJKI41i0
King Louie: http://youtu.be/Gb5ca21FBWg
Jeffrey Novak: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c38zf7Ke9LM

Sorry that's a bit of an overload, but I get excited. If you decide to start recording, message me / pm me with the results, if you want. I always like to hear new stuff, regardless of genre or quality. Also, I just joined this subreddit the other day, but http://www.reddit.com/r/wearethemusicmakers seems to be a place on reddit where people can share/critique/whatever stuff they record.

If you made it this far, high five.

>How do I continuously be happy and keep up a good mood daily?

Andrew Weil just wrote a book and in it he talks about how we can't expect to be happy every day all the time. Basic contentment is what I work for, and it happens as I just appreciate what I have. Since I hike a lot, I appreciate being home with running water, shelter, and lots of things many take for granted. Appreciation of what we have (food, shelter, medicine, health, etc), over and over again, can bring a lot of contentment.

>How can I stop judging people, and myself?

Notice the difference between judgement and discernment. We always have discernment, as in, "do I want an apple or an orange." It's not bad, it's just the way we make decisions. If you are constantly seeing the bad in yourself, start to look for the good: kindness, humor, awareness, intelligence, truthfulness, gratitude, etc.

We always have discernment, it's necessary, and self-judgement diminishes when we actively look for the positive in ourselves as well as others. We're all a mixed bag, no one is perfect.

>How can I not be jealous?

Learn to be happy for another's happiness. The jealousy may be strong at first, but realize there is no limit to happiness, it's like air. The possibilities are as open as your creativity. So, if you are jealous of your friend with a girl, be happy for him. When your friends are doing better, just be happy for them.

After years of working on jealousy, I've found I really appreciate my life and what I've got. It's weird, but I don't want to be in anyone else's shoes. My life, as boring as it may be (though it's had lots of excitement, just not by movie-worthy standards), I wouldn't trade it for anything.

>For some more experienced introverts, how did you handle high-school, and how did it turn out for you?

In high school, back in the dark ages of the late 1970s, I enjoyed my classes and teachers, but never really related to my peers. Within a year of graduating I was no longer in touch with any of them, and I don't regret it. They are and were fine people, I just never really clicked with them. I never go to any reunions. Looking back, it was a rather dysfunctional time for me on many levels. When I got to college I found people who had similar interests, was relatively social, and I'm still in touch with several friends from that time.

>Are these all skills that I can acquire with practice or is there something I'm missing?

There are definitely social skills I practiced when I was in my 40s with a therapist and some close friends, but they were not things I could have done on my own. You could do this sort of thing, but it requires another person. Or, if you're interested in "How to make friends" I suspect there are books out there. For me, I had to work on some listening skills as well as validating skills, as well as some other fine points.

I have no immediate advice about hanging out with friends or not. I'd say stay true to yourself. If it's not working with friends at this time, it's just not working. You're all going through a lot of changes, year to year. That settles as you get older, and the changes that do happen are less noticeable outside, but very worthwhile inside.

For me it's kind of an awkard feeling in the air. Sometimes when I go to parties and there are good friends there I can be the life of the party, and sometimes it's just too much for me and like you said everyone thinks I'm having a bad time. The other thing is that we don't need to be expressing that we are having a good time. I get asked a lot if I'm ok and I just say yeah I'm good. Most people think I'm just being polite and that I am not really having a good time. The hardest thing is explaining to extroverts that you want to be alone. They just don't get it. To them it's an insult. It is really hard to explain to them that it's not that I don't want to be with you, it's that I don't want to be with anybody right now. They take it personally. One thing that can help a lot is to schedule alone time periods in your schedule. Than when someone asks if you want to do something you can say, I'm busy right now but if you wait a half an hour I can. This will give you time to recharge and they will just think you are busy doing something. The truth is you are busy doing something, they just won't usually understand that you are accomplishing something by being alone. If you turn it into a task than you will be able to have your time undisturbed without hurting anybodies feelings. For those that are really close to you, tell them that is what you are doing and how important it is that you do that and give them some study materials about introverts (think meter Briggs type stuff). Once they see that this is real and that you are different, they will for the most part be really supportive and will even shield you from other people trying to disturb that time. If they can't be supportive (I have run into this, Topic of another discussion.) than they will probably exit your life anyway. The last thing that I would highly recommend is to find little introvert sanctuaries in the places that you are commonly at. Little hiding holes that you can retire to when things get to be too much. So if you are going to school find a stairwell or the end of a hallway that doesn't get much traffic. If you work just find a place you can go where people don't normally hang out. Sometimes just ten minutes will make all the difference. I just read an article about a woman that was setting these up at her work. She was painting places like this nicely so that when she needed to she could go "hide" and recharge in a pleasant environment. I thought that was pretty cool. In a pinch I've even hid in a bathroom stall for a bit. I know it seems embarrassing, but it got the Job done. Have you taken a Meyer Briggs type personality test? This will help you a lot to understand what you need and how to utilize your personality better. For instance I am an INTJ. This tells me what I will most likely exceed at, and how I approach problems and such. It also tells me how I am likely to react with other personality types. This info is gold for people like us. For a long time I really thought I was weird and didn't understand why I was different. I wanted friends and such I just didn't fit into groups and such. It was because of who I am. One wouldn't fault Eli Manning for being genetically gifted at throwing a football, but they sure faulted me for being genetically gifted at taking tests. I use to hide this info. I wouldn't do my homework and such so it looked like I was average. (I didn't really want to do that silly stuff anyways.) Now I embrace it. Am I smart heck yeah I am. You need me to figure out how to do the stuff you can't do...That will be 40$ an hour. Why should I be ashamed that I'm good at something. It's not Arrogance, it's talent. So if you haven't taken a personality exam than go take one. Let me know what you come up with. Look into the different personality types.
http://www.amazon.com/Please-Understand-Me-Character-Temperament/dp/0960695400/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330685269&sr=8-1
here is a great book that will get you started. When you are done reading it then you can pass it on to your loved ones and it might help them understand you better. Sorry this turned into a novel, but I know all too well how it is to feel like an outcast just because you look at things differently than most people. If I can help someone learn what I've learned quicker than I have than I can feel like I've accomplished something.

Almost everything here is great advice, so much so that I'm probably going to send my wife a copy of this thread so she can finally 'get it.' Just my two cents on the topic as well:

As you can probably guess, I'm introverted, my wife of eleven years is an extrovert. She's a talker. Loves to talk to people, anyone. At length. She wouldn't know concise if it landed on her head and crapped in her hair. (She's also very (ugh) touchy-feely. Still love her, though.)

She's had many of the same complaints that you're expressing in your post: Physical contact (like holding hands, little touches out in public, PDA's, etc) and communication (or the lack thereof, in her opinion). I tell her the same thing, everytime:

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I'm just not geared the same way you are.

It's not that I don't like social situations, it's just that they are mentally and physically draining for me. Small talk sucks. Especially if I don't know anyone there, those are the worst. Having a few 'go-to' friends around helps. Making sure there is someplace I can retreat off to, even if it's just a chair in the corner, to recover a bit, helps. Understanding if I tell you I need a break for 5-10 minutes to recharge the batteries, and noticing if I do need to take a break (body language and if I'm getting cranky), helps. Please don't get mad at me when I do these things, it's just what I need.

Conversation-wise, I'm not a big talker, unless I'm with close friends or family. Even then, I tend to only say what I think is needed. I'm not big on small talk; I'm fine with silence, I don't need to fill every space in a conversation with, IMHO, unnecessary noise. That being said, please don't take my silence for being cold, or distant, or me ignoring you. I choose my words carefully, and unfortunately that takes a few moments in my head. If you're asking a question, please give me time to contemplate my answer. It's important, because I value your understanding.

I absolutely need me time, with no one else around a lot so I can enjoy some of the things I love doing and clear the clutter and the noise and all the flotsam and jetsam of sound and light that accumulates in my head; it brings me clarity and peace, and allows me to feel so much better. Please don't be offended if I ask for time alone, or if I shoo you away when I'm in the middle of one of my solitary tasks; instead, support me with understanding. I need time to myself just as much as you need time out being social. Support me and who I am, and you will discover yourself receiving more than you give in return.

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I think the biggest thing is understanding. He's probably got similar complaints about the strange 'crazy extroverted woman' that he's going out with, and trying to figure you out as well.

This last year, I read a couple of good books that helped me understand my own introversion better:

The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, and
Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength. I found them at my local library, just linked them to Amazon for pictures. They definitely gave me a deeper understanding of why I am how I am, and much better knowing that there were a lot of people just like me. If you can find one or the other, give it a skim, or even sit down and read it through with him. Might just help.

[Edit: Just found my copy of The Introvert Advantage here. I'm done with it, and would be happy to throw it in the mail to you. Just have to promise to pass it on to anyone else here in /r/introvert when you're done.]

Yes and no, though for me it’s more social anxiety than shyness.

Yes, because we live in a society that values extroversion, and we’re made to feel guilty for not fitting that mold. There have been times I’ve wished (albeit briefly) that I was more extroverted because it seems like life would be so much easier.

However, I try to remind myself that my introversion is deeply connected to personal qualities of which I’m proud: thoughtfulness, deep-thinking, being a good listener, etc. Life might be easier as an extrovert, but being an introvert isn’t something to be ashamed of (though I’ll admit that it’s taken me time to realize that). I know it sounds cheesy, but there’s a book called “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney that helped me feel less guilty/ashamed and more proud of qualities that our pro-extrovert society doesn’t necessarily appreciate. I’d recommend checking it out. It may also help you articulate some of the things you’ve struggled to explain to your friends. It made a huge difference when my very extroverted mother read it - she told me she finally understood some of the things I did that had baffled her or that she had completely misinterpreted.

Please try not to hate your shyness or introversion. There are always going to be some people who will judge you for not being extroverted, but you know what? Screw them. If they aren’t willing to make an effort to see what lies beneath the surface, it’s their loss.

​

Edit: I just looked back at my copy of "The Introvert Advantage" (I really do hate that title, but it IS a good book), and there are a few bits the author wrote on shyness that you might find interesting (bold emphasis is mine):

[Introverts] are people who need private space to refuel, who do not gain their primary energy from external activities, and who usually need time to reflect and think before they speak. In this chapter I will discuss what they are not. They are not scaredy cats, shrinking violets, or self-absorbed loners. Nor are they necessarily shy or antisocial. As a society we don’t see introverts accurately because we are looking at them through a lens of incorrect assumptions. Most introverts don’t understand their own temperament because they have grown up with their own misconceptions about introversion.

Also:

Shyness is social anxiety, an extreme self-consciousness when one is around people. It may have some genetic roots (in the form of a highly reactive fear center), but it is usually learned from experiences at school, with friends, and in families. For some, it comes and goes at various ages and in certain situations. Shy people may feel uncomfortable with one-on-one conversations or in group situations. It is not an issue of energy; it is a lack of confidence in social situations. ....Shyness is not who you are (like introversion), it is what you think other people think you are, and therefore it is responsive to behavior change.

​

So perhaps a big part of the problem is that we've come to accept the fact that terms like "shy" are foisted upon us, and that doesn't help the situation. The author mentions some books that may help you feel more confidence in certain social situations. Since I haven't personally read any of them, I hesitate to recommend specific books. I would first read "The Introvert Advantage." I think that just feeling more comfortable understanding and accepting why we are the way we are can make a big difference in feeling more confident in certain social situations.

therapy is great. Barring that, mindfulness is exactly targeted to becoming more present and less caught up in worries. Headspace is a great app with some guided meditations and videos for beginners. The first ten episodes are free, and actually you can just use them over and over and it's great.

Barring that, assuming you want to learn to be more productive with your inner monologues, learn more about how to use them productively. "How to be an Adult" by David Richo is an amazing book for personal growth. Great for understanding what is going on inside of you. Another one that is more of a workbook but is really tied in to what you're describing is called "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life". It has some great descriptions about what goes on in the mind, with a series of increasing and varied activities for you to practice dealing with them.

Doing other activities can help in the short term, like a distraction, but ultimately your growth in this arena will come from seeking to understand and work with your thoughts better, not just avoid encountering them.

Good luck!

Introvert who likes to dance here.

Honestly, you sound judgmental and condescending. It's okay for you to not like these things, but it's absolutely fine for your girlfriend to enjoy them. There is nothing morally wrong with getting drunk and dancing to loud music with a bunch of your friends.

Are you afraid of her cheating on you or something? Are you afraid of feeling "lame" or left out? Then you need to say that directly, not go on an insulting passive aggressive rant. A decent girlfriend can enjoy dancing and support their partner who doesn't enjoy it (and, you know, not cheat, etc.)

Trust and strong communication skills are essential to healthy relationships.

I can actually bring up some recommended reading!
Nonviolent Communication and Taking the War Out of Our Words are both excellent books on clear and effective communication and I can't recommend them enough.

I'm sorry if I've come across as harsh, but your words were pretty harsh, too. In order to feel more secure in your connection to your partner, you're going to have to trust them enough to feel safe opening up to them.

I do hope this helps.

First off, don't do anything just to satisfy other people. More often than not, they don't actually have your best interests in mind (even if they themselves think they do.) One of the greatest strengths we as introverts have is the fact that we don't need the external validation in the same way as extraverts do. In that sense, we're independent in a way our extraverted counterparts are not.

If you have your own reasons for wanting to get out and about with other people (and not just the opinions and urgings of the people you reference), then and only then should you pursue such a course of action.

Seeking out other introverts to interact with could be an easy way to get out there. Introverts tend to just "get each other" in ways that make socializing feel natural and make you forget to "try" to be a good conversationalist. If you're wondering where to find other introverts, I'd recommend events which are about a subject or activity rather than about the people there. That is, gravitate toward crafting groups, conventions, book clubs, and such rather than parties, bars, clubs, mixers, etc. Also, groups which involve fewer people (or at least groups where you only end up interacting with a few people) are better.

Finally, I'd recommend you make some effort to find out what is good about being introverted. I honestly can't recommend the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World enough.

Probably yes...
On a high level, I'd look on what actually drains energy from you vs how you recharge :-) but both would be very individual.

Especially that, everyone has some energy "store" and even a very introverted person, is able to handle most high stimulating situations in a way, nobody would notice it is sucking their energy. They will afterward need to take a rest for a while (knowing this preference one can plan their schedule accordingly).

Humans are more complex then only intro/extroverts... everyone would be somewhere in between of those two extremes - depending on how their brain and their nervous system reacts to external stimulus.

I think the most important is to understand yourself and build your life on what you have, and not to have a label. Knowing yourself, you can use a framework (like introversion/extroversion, or more detailed like MBTI) to add some structure to your self-awareness to make planning your life easier (I know I have like 90% characteristics of the INTP type and do plan accordingly).
Still, you shall be prepared that there won't be a 100% match with any type and, that you'll find in yourself, traits of several types.

To better understand what is introversion you may want to look into a book, explaining in more details how an introverted mind works and what suits introverts best... I'd suggest starting with Quiet by Susan Cain or The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney

Take care.

I disagree, tell people you're not interested in it. Be straight up, don't try to lie, if people want to pressure you then they don't deserve your time. If the person respects you, then they won't try to pressure you.. If they respect you, they won't try to change who you are.

This does take some explaining to them though.

For me I tell people, "I appreciate the invite. I'm not really into parties, but it doesn't mean I don't think you shouldn't or can't have fun at them, they just aren't for me. I'm an introvert. Large groups make me anxious and I feel too drained from them. I'm down with smaller groups though, so let's go to a park, or go long boarding some time. Hell we can even go skydiving."

There's nothing wrong with you, don't feel bad about not liking parties. I spend most of my time alone, that's when I'm most comfortable and most happy. Learn to love yourself, and know it's ok to be different from people.

The following books were really great for me to start accepting myself for who I am and to learn to love myself.


Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307352153/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1462836332&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking&dpPl=1&dpID=41m0N7IIcsL&ref=plSrch


Mastery of love is specifically about relationships, but you should keep in mind you also have a relationship with yourself as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Love-Practical-Relationship-Toltec/dp/1878424424

A good summation of how I deal with things like that is:

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. That said, I've been through a lot of therapy so I know a lot of techniques I can use to make that change occur. I've been working through a self help work book for one of my classes that I think is particularly helpful. The best I can do is suggest the book to you. It's written for the layman, but is based on a third wave cognitive behavioral therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Here it is on amazon for like 13 dollars.

Edit: Oh, you can even look at the first few pages on amazon by clicking on the picture of the cover. So you can see if you're interested. Damn, I love amazon.

I'm in a similar boat as you, but at the moment I don't have any friends at all and so far was never able to really build a deep connection with anybody (I'm 28/m btw). But one thing I've learned is that there's always hope, you're only doomed if you tell yourself so.

One thing that really helps with finding balance is meditation, read a good book about it and/or look at some online tutorials (looks like /r/meditation has some good resources as well) and just give it a try for a few weeks, and don't be discouraged if you don't get immediate results.

If you have a dislike for spiritual stuff you could instead read up on cognitive behavioral therapy, which is used to treat all sorts of things such as depression and social anxiety. This book gives a good introduction and has very simple exercises to get you started. Of course you could also visit an actual therapist, if you don't mind talking to a stranger about your intimate problems ;-)

Also, please don't look at your life as "empty", if you're anyting like most other introverts you probably have a very rich inner life, but just because you can't easily share this with others doesn't mean it's worthless. Just keep doing the things you enjoy and ignore people who think you can't possibly be happy unless you're socializing all the time.

I hope

You know, you don't have to "fit in" or do anything you don't want to do. You want to be hermit? Be a hermit. You want to be a healthy introvert that has healthy, introvert-style social interactions? Then be that.

It sounds like you need some validation. I was there once. I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Party-One-The-Loners-Manifesto/dp/1569245134. Give it a read. It's written by an introverted woman who has been there, done that, came out on the other side, and can tell you that being introverted is what you make of it, and there are lots of us out here that live wonderful, introverted lives. It is very much possible.

Yes, if you try and pretend you're an extrovert and you try to act in an extroverted way, you'll end up being miserable. Yes, as an introvert, you will be the life of a party, the center of attention, etc. less often than if you were extroverted.

However, primarily, it sounds like you've got some social anxiety issues. I've been there and done that as well. You CAN work through it and learn to not be so goddamn anxious in social situations. Social anxiety is not forever.

You're young. Everything feels so urgent and immediate when you're young, and I know it seems like OMG IS THIS FOREVER?!? It's not forever, though. Hell, my teenage years were easily the worst in my life. Every year of my life since then has been WAAAAY better.

So you'll get through this. Be patient. You don't need to have all the answers right now. Just know that you'll figure it out when you need to. And really, don't worry too much about whether your mom really, truly understands you. You just need to understand you.

Finally, here's another way to look at things: Introverts might be in the minority on this earth, but LGBT people are an even smaller minority (maybe 1 in 10), and yet somehow manage to get through EVERYONE not understanding them. And many end up living long, fabulous lives.

I was lucky enough to be raised with a fairly introverted father, my other siblings (both extroverts, one massively so) usually stole the attention and allowed me to hide in the background where I was comfortable.

When I do have to communicate with my siblings, and my more extroverted mother, I usually write to them. It's always more effective for us. I get a clean, precise version of exactly what I'm trying to say without having to address their reactions on spot, and (unless they don't read it) they get everything I want to say all in one sitting.

If I were you, I would write a letter to my mom. I would include with it as much literature on introversion as I could. (I'm making my mom read a book called The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World right now so she can understand me better). Present yourself very case in point, explain what you're feeling. List the things that make you anxious or nervous. List the things you enjoy or what gives you energy. List things you've tried to make it easier for yourself.

I went to counseling when I was in high school because I couldn't deal with myself. I learned a lot about myself in doing so. I write A LOT. I make journals with lyrics, stories, pages upon pages of curse words in different fonts, whatever I feel goes right to paper. It helped me get out what I couldn't vent out any other way. You need to find what balances the rest of the world for you. It's different for everyone, but we're all in it together.

Introverts are a small part of the population. We need you to stick around. So hold out, do what you need to do to gain internal balance. Years pass by very quickly, you'll be on your own before you know it, and then you can live however you like. Trust me, it's worth the few uncomfortable years.

Good on you, we live in an extroverted world so a lot of times you're going to have to act as an extrovert in order to be successful (socially, professionally, etc). There's times where you just have to be extroverted, but there's also times where you're allowed to be introverted. Just because you act as an extrovert at certain moments doesn't make you an extrovert, and it certainly doesn't mean you're not being true to yourself.

Being outgoing will come as second-nature, but you'll be comfortable with it over time, it takes practice. If you'd like to learn more about introverts and the world we live in, I suggest reading Quiet, you can probably find a PDF of it somewhere online.

Not sure if this will help,
Psychology Today has some good articles.

Also I have heard The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World is a good book.

Also you could use some video like this It was posted here. I guess it covers more of shyness in general. Something on the lines would be great. A short 30 sec video to capture the audience.

I guess gathering resources is not going to be a problem as there is tons of resources you can find. I guess it would be more challenging to decide what to include and what to exclude. Best of luck for the talk and do post it here. If I do come across anything special I would certainly post it here.

> I wish I Wasn't lonely/Shy,I want to be normal.

Being shy is totally normal. The first step to becoming happy is to change your mindset. As long as you see your shyness as a problem that needs to be fixed, you won't be happy. As cliche as it sounds, you need to accept yourself for who you are. I didn't learn that lesson until my late 30's. Once I understood myself and stopped trying to be someone else, I opened the way for others to love me too. Now I'm happily married. :)

Reading Quiet, by Susan Cain really gave me the perspective I needed. I wish I'd had it at your age. Give it a try.

Chronic bitch face isn't easy to get over but I've found that smiling with your eyes and making eye contact can do wonders. Also, this book has helped me a lot in appearing more confident and, as a result, more friendly and open.

There's such a stigma around introverts, and it's really unfortunate, because *there is nothing wrong with you*. If you're happy, you do you. If your partner makes you feel really guilty about it, sit down and have a real conversation with him/her about how you feel and how introverts like yourself "work" and feel happiest.

​

Would highly suggest reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153. I think it might help you feel a little more empowered and confident in being an introvert.

We like The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Have you tried keeping a journal? It really helps me get my thoughts into a place where they can be worked on. I've been trapped in my mind more or less my whole life and journaling is one of only 2 things I've found that can provide immediate relief from the negative thought loops with no side effects. The other is running, but I know that most people find it too easy to find an excuse not to do that. There is no excuse not to try journaling. Make it your new years resolution and just make yourself do it every morning for a month to form the habit. It is a vital tool in every introvert's mood management tool box. Also, check out this book if you haven't already.

-hug- Hang in there buddy. It gets better, I promise.

This is something I've always felt, and had confirmed when reading Quiet. She talks about one of the common related traits of introversion being High Sensitivity, which sounds to me like what you're talking about. You're really sensitive to your "emotional surroundings" as it were.

The way I think of it is like this: if you had super-sensitive hearing, being out in the world all day would be a real trial. Hearing cars zoom by, constant chatter, etc would wear you out and you'd need to go home and get some silence to rest your eardrums. I feel that way about emotions/people. After a day or two of being around other people a lot, even just being in the office, I need some "emotional quiet time."

I also have the same reaction to awkward/embarassing things in movies or TV. My first strong memory of having that reaction was during the Mr. Bean movie, which I saw with my family. In many scenes, they were laughing uncontrollably and I just wanted to look away.

No one is purely an introvert or an extrovert. Just like most other things, there is a spectrum. You want to be alone to recharge, then you want to be with people to fulfill a basic human need for belonging.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
This book is amazing. I read it a couple of times. The basic idea (in reference to what you're asking advice for) is to plan. If you know that there is a party or some get-together coming up, you need to be alone for a period of time beforehand. Once you've been alone for a long enough period of time to recharge, you'll be ready to get out there and socialize, thus reducing the "I really want to talk with someone but can't" reaction.
And then sometimes, like all introverts, you'll find that you can't plan this out and you just need to forgive yourself for not wanting to talk to other people.

Check out Susan Cain's book Quiet. If anything, it may make you feel a little more vindicated for being who you are.

With that, yes, the world is pretty well built around extroverts at the moment, but it is navigable if you have the tools. I recommend finding a therapist, not just for developing tools for your introversion, but also to maybe get some help with your social anxiety. If you can't afford one, and can't find a sliding scale one, a friend of mine with bipolar disorder highly recommended this book for developing some basic CBT therapies for navigating whatever kind of anxiety you have.

Those kind of people can fuck off. This representative clearly lives in a bubble. Don't be ashamed of what kind of person whom you are. If a person is a friend of yours then s/he will respect your introversion. Now, yes, extreme introversion is an issue (as is with any extreme), but there is absolutely nothing wrong with simply having an introverted personality.

Now in regards for something more productive, I would go and talk to your dorm representative and attempt to have an honest discussion on why her perspective is demeaning, misunderstood, and incorrect.

I highly recommend the book by Susan Cain: Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking. Introversion is something that is highly misunderstood and it is extremely important to have open discussion.

Edit: Spelling is hard. Added link.
Edit 2: Spelling is very hard.

Also check out this book:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307352153/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ApQACbCDH85KV

It's a good read for understanding ourselves and hopefully help your Mom too.

There is nothing wrong with being introverted. I used to think there was something really wrong with me, but now I know I am just introverted and that is normal. I know reading philosophy and books about introversion helps. Here are some good one worth checking out:

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475123867&sr=8-1&keywords=susan+cain

https://www.amazon.com/Introverts-Way-Living-Quiet-Perigee/dp/0399537694/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475123902&sr=8-1&keywords=introverts+way

Living with parents is tough. Have you thought of making a plan to get into your own place? The economy is rough right now, but there might be some options out there.

Yup.

I believe you're referring to this talk and this book. It's a very interesting book, I actually just finished reading it a couple days ago... gained some good insight.

Welcome to the club, also this book is awesome :
Quiet by Susan Cain http://amzn.com/0307352153

I try to remember that extroverts don't know how to handle us any more than we know how to handle them.

Then, you can be snarky and tell them "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt", but that's not likely to endear you to anyone that doesn't already know you well.

Alternatively, you can keep a copy of Susan Cain's excellent book in your desk, maybe even on your desk, and offer to let anyone making these comments borrow it.

Wow that is actually hard. I've read 10+ books on it over the past few months and it is actually hard to remember which was which. A few that stick out where a couple by Joe Navarro: What Every BODY is Saying and Louder Than Words.

I also really liked The Power of Eye Contact.

Edit: Oh, also: Crime Signals.

Get my Kindle book, " Modern day guide for Introverts" for FREE on Amazon until December 27th !! http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-introverts-happiness-confidence-relationship-ebook/dp/B019C1KGG0

In the book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," Susan Cain tackles this question in depth in chapter 8, "Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal."


The short answer, from what I understood of the book, is yes. Different cultures value different things, and introversion/extroversion is one of those things.

Maybe this has been posted before here but this is so inspiring and we need to listen to this speech time to time in order to keep sanity with this loud world.

Here's her book which she mentioned in the lecture: https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

Thanks !

I suggest reading The introvert advantage. The author does a great job explaining how the differences between introverts and extroverts has to do with different dopamine pathways inside our brains suggesting that we are all born with these set of traits.

That's almost a literal quote out of Quiet by Susan Cain. It's a great book.

No problem! And I recommend reading this book! It will help you understand yourself better!

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

If you want another book to read about introversion, I've been reading through Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and it's been pretty good so far. It seems to have a strong focus on the workplace rather than general day-to-day, but that could be something useful for your career. Apparently we can blame Harvard for our problems.

I recommend reading "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." It made me realize that being an introvert and being a leader aren't mutually exclusive traits. https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwjJqZavoqDkAhUSwmQKHd5MA8MYABABGgJwag&ae=1&sig=AOD64_2q7IRRbFKtJCpgKaBDinfWb5ohyQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=0ahUKEwiZzo6voqDkAhXHrZ4KHeVEDKkQwg8IPA&adurl=https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref%3Dasc_df_0307352153/%3Ftag%3Dhyprod-20%26linkCode%3Ddf0%26hvadid%3D312021251979%26hvpos%3D1o1%26hvnetw%3Dg%26hvrand%3D2344768118449509263%26hvpone%3D%26hvptwo%3D%26hvqmt%3D%26hvdev%3Dm%26hvdvcmdl%3D%26hvlocint%3D%26hvlocphy%3D9033317%26hvtargid%3Dpla-432395948286%26psc%3D1

Reading the book Quiet, by Susan Cain really helped me learn about, understand, and accept myself as an introvert. It was so helpful.

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

A book I recommend:

http://www.amazon.com/Party-One-The-Loners-Manifesto/dp/1569245134

You might want to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341268548&sr=8-1&keywords=Quiet%3A+The+Power+of+Introverts

You might consider (anonymously?) gifting her a book such as Quiet.

Quiet by Susan Cain

Party of One by Anneli S. Rufus

But the book that really hit it home for me was Introvert Power by Laurie A. Helgoe

I've found body language does wonders even if they aren't expressly picking up on it, it starts to feel uncomfortable. A guy I work with can literally talk non-stop for an hour and often repeats stories he's already told in the process. Sometimes I go to him just to burn time off the clock when I don't have much work to do but when I do want to get away I do stuff like point my body/feet away from him. I start doing work related things. I walk away while trying to keep eye contact which gives mix signals so he doesn't feel like I'm actively ignoring him, as he did snap at me once for just walking away calling me rude.

There's always this point where it creeps towards uncomfortable and then I take that uncomfortable silence (which I'm usually not only comfortable with, I feel at home there) and walk away or just go towards doing whatever I need to, then he feels weird and walks away. Extroverts tend to hate uncomfortable silence.

I will say if you aren't comfortable in uncomfortable silence, learn how to love it, it's a great ally. Also learn about body language as it's a great passive way to get your way without actively being a dick to do so.

I think I specifically read this book years ago and it helped a lot with body language.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294

Have you tried slapping them with a copy of "Quiet" by Susan Cain or her TED talk on introversion?

Can't guarantee results but it helped my parents shut up about my "problem"

Introverts in the Church

The Introvert Advantage

The Introverts Way - Living a quiet life...

Introvert Power - Why Your Inner Life is Hidden Strength

Networking for People who hate Networking

There you go. Just a few. Read all of these on Kindle.