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>And I know how I must come off to others, like these pathetic creeps.

That's not how you come across in this post. You come across like someone who is struggling with a lot of self doubt and a lot of self loathing. I think many of us have been there at one time or another, even if to a much lesser degree.

I'm gonna give you some advice. Feel free to take it or leave it as you feel appropriate.

First, look into therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of intense anxieties rattling around in your head, and they're just going to hold you back. Just being able to talk to someone can be a huge weight off your shoulders. Plus, an outside perspective can help you see yourself in a more accurate light.

If you can't afford therapy, look into written exercises in Feeling Good by Dr. Burns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps to spot the distortions in thinking that contribute to negative emotions like fear and self-hatred. It's not about skipping through a field of flowers and butterflies, it's about looking at your negative thoughts and being able to calmly, dispassionately say "Okay, my brain is being a dick again." You get practice replacing old patterns of thinking with more a realistic, rational outlook. I used it a few years ago for my anxiety issues and was surprised at how helpful it was.

Second, practice your social skills. If talking to people is nerve-wracking, start small. Begin with customer service workers. Say "Thanks!" to the bus driver as you get off at your stop. Or "Enjoy your afternoon!" to the cashier when they finish ringing up your groceries. These little interactions are usually safe because they are 1) Quick 2) With people whose job is to interact with strangers. As you get more comfortable, you can branch out into little bits of small talk. "Wow, the weather is NICE out there today. I hope you get the chance to get outside later."

As you become comfortable making brief small talk, look into ways to expand your social circle. Personally, I'm a big fan of structured activities. For instance, I was part of a science-fiction book club that was really great. We had something in common to relate over. Plus, everyone got the chance to give their opinion on the book, but you could be as brief as you wanted. We had the chance to chat a bit, but we had a central topic to focus on.

Dance classes, youth organizations, volunteer events, recreational sports are similar in that they give you the chance to meet new people but they're structured enough that none of you have to "wing it."

Third, be good to yourself. When you have all this negative self talk it's so easy to see getting better as an obligation or a penance. "UGH, I'm SUCH a screw up! I'm probably broken! I need to fix my shit or NO ONE will want to be around me!!!"

The truth is, you should work on getting better because you DESERVE to be better. You deserve to live a life free of crippling self-doubt. You deserve to be happy and content. You deserve to feel free to pursue relationships that will bring both of you joy.

When I was younger, I fell into this trap of mentally beating up on myself all the time. I was convinced I was a worthless fuck-up and that by being mean as shit to myself, I was somehow making the world a better place. The thing is, that turned out to be absolute bullshit. As I've learned to be more proactive in my life and more compassionate towards my inevitable setbacks, it's not just me who's benefited. I've become a calmer, more caring friend and partner. I've been able to offer more support to be friends because I'm not so overwhelmed with my own anxieties. Also, I think we don't always realize how much we look to each other for guidance. When you can be kind and accepting towards yourself, you make it easier for those around you to do the same.

Finally, online dating is a shitshow. If you are feeling low, this may not be a good time to be on Tinder. However, if you reach the point where you want to give it another try, get a profile review first. If you aren't getting a lot of matches, it might not have anything to do with you and everything to do with mediocre photos or a lackluster bio.

I'm not an expert, but I have been told I'm pretty good at dressing myself, so I'll give this a go. I agree with /u/tetrabrach, but I just have a few things to add.

My preference is Kohl's or JC Penney, because you can save a ton of money on their sales. Anyways, the brand Arizona makes pretty cheap shirts, but they last a while. You can go with darker colors, but shake it up a little bit. Navy, black, gray, that kind of thing. They have crew necks, V-necks (Not the stupid ones, just kinda like this, and both short and long sleeve henley shirts. You can layer these with a button up/flannel, but use complimentary colors. If you have green eyes, wear green. Not all green, but like a green flannel or green undershirt. Simple stuff, if you're not sure, ask any girl who has some kind of fashion sense and she'll help you.

As for pants, /u/tetrabrach nailed the jeans, just go for darker colors, not the 90's light stonewash bullshit. As for the fit, I'd go for Slim straight, because they aren't skinny jeans at all. They're a sliimer cut that actually have enough material left over to cover where your shoe opens up. They're comfy, and they leave room for the family jewels to have some wiggle room. Khaki is a good color too, you can either get chinos or just khaki denim, and go for the same slim straight fitment.

Shoes, go for simple. Even if you don't skate, Vans makes some sweet fucking shoes. Chukka Lows are my favorite, they're around ~$50 give or take at Zumiez, the Vans Store, or similar places. Plus, black ACCESSORIES go with fuckin everything, regardless of the rest of your ensemble. If you're not into those, you can try other Vans shoes, just go for black. Or, if you don't like skate shoes all together, you could try Adidas Sambas. I know they look like soccer shoes, but that's because they are. Still, they're super comfy shoes, and they're not overly sporty. They're just a nice all around shoe that mostly fits the black shoe idea.

Watches! Again, /u/tetrabrach knows her shit, big watches tend to look goofy if you're shooting for a "normal dude" sort of look. I have a G-Shock TheG 5600. This was the G-Shock Casio was making before they got all colorful and clunky. I've had this watch for about three and a half years, and it's still going strong. I used to work on airplanes as a mechanic, and nothing I did ever broke this mean son of a bitch. The watch has a power saving mode that shuts itself off when you're not moving, it has solar panels on the face so it charges anytime you're in the sunlight, and is water resistant as fuck. I haven't changed the battery in mine since I got it. If I am going out somewhere to look nice, I have some other watches, but this one does just fine for a day to day watch.

If you aren't sure of a way to have your hair, you can always throw a hat on. I have to keep my hair short because I'm in the military, but I'd rather have my hair long. I don't really like how it looks when I'm not in uniform, so I wear snapback hats all the time. inb4 snapback pleb. If you establish yourself as "a hat guy" then you'll be a hat guy. That's what I mean, I've just got a little bit of bend in the bill, and I always wear hats when I'm not at work. Anyways, outside of my hat sermon, if you have the ability to mess around with your hairstyle, do it. You never know what you'll find you like/looks good on you.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just kinda realized how much this was. Anyways, hope this helped, and feel free to ask any question. I have a lot of free time at work.

There's a lot of bullshit heaped onto feminism that really doesn't belong there. It really depends how you define the word as to whether or not I would consider myself a feminist.

Here is a link to a book called Why I am not a feminist: A feminist Manifesto:

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Am-Not-Feminist-Manifesto/dp/1612196012/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493343631&sr=1-1

The lady who wrote this book wrote a fairly long, very detailed account of the prevalent Oscar's question: "Are you a feminist?" in the New York Times not too long ago.

Her article basically made practically every woman who claimed to be a feminist this year look like an idiot. It was a very interesting article. Essentially, her argument is that the word has lost all value. It is either women making a lot of money but giving no thought at all to what role their gender has made in that profit (for instance, super models. Asking someone like Kim Kardashian: Are you a feminist? The only reason she's famous is because of a sex tape, and even if she has a position of power in some clothing company or something, has she done anything with that power to make things better for women who are not super models and to promote a realistic body image. Or, on the other hand, you have crazy people who are basically a parody of themselves.)

What this guy above in the picture is doing is basically repeating an idea that you see in post modern philosophy. The idea is basically that statements exist in a sort of framework, and that framework contains the argument against that idea. So, in a way, if you make a statement about being a feminist, you are reacting to a position of non feminism, and vice versa.

My guess is that the guy in the above picture has read a contemporary cultural critic named Slavoj Zizek. Slavoj Zizek is a marxist thinker, and he relies a lot on deconstructionist philosophy which is the philosophy that proposes the idea that basically says each statement, in a way, contains its own argument. Another way of looking at this idea is to say that if you have 10 things, and you select one thing, you are not just selecting the one thing. You are, also, omitting nine other things. So if you want to actually understand what these ten things are, you cant just say, I want the one thing. You have to look at all ten things.

If he did not get this idea from Zizek, I would be surprised. Zizek is very popular right now in liberal college circles. He has written many books, but he suffers from what many academic writers suffer from who write that many books: he self plagiarizes. In some books, he will basically lift a passage he has previously written and make that passage fit to the current argument. The kernal of each book is new, but some stuff can be repetitive.

However, there is a chance that he got this idea from the source or his most important interpreter, a woman named Penelope Deutscher. The source of the idea was a french philosopher named Jacques Derrida. He looked almost like a male model and was known for being fashionable and a little flashy. At the same time, he was often a sort of "adult" voice in the room, very much a non-neckbeard, please lets not let everyone get out of hand sort of man. He theorized this idea, and his purpose was to try to civilize people. Sometimes, he can be abstract, sometimes pompous, but overall, Jacques Derrida basically wanted people to understand that if they say one thing, the things opposite is sort of going to follow.

If you are interested in reading either Slavoj Zizek or Jacques Derrida, I would check out Verso Books. They only have one book by Derrida, but it is a good book from what I understand although I have only read a little of the beginning. I know him from his essays in writing and difference. Here is a link to the website for verso books. They are consciously left wing.

https://www.versobooks.com/

If reading a whole book sounds a little mind numbing, there is a very good youtube channel called "The School of Life." They have a short, 9 minute video about Jacques Derrida. Here is the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0tnHr2dqTs

As for Zizek, you can probably find a lot about him easily. He is entertaining, but many people don't like him. I think many neckbeards on the left would probably like to basically be him.

The last thing I want to say is that I think someone could get away with putting the original post on r/Iamverysmart . What the person posted on his facebook is basically taking an idea that was formulated for him and made it look like his own. And he did all of that while wearing a hat.

I hope this is helpful.

As an aside, this:

> This will almost guarantee low self esteem because we esteem ourselves for doing esteemable things--accomplishing things, meeting challenges and overcoming them, taking on difficult tasks and succeeding, having a job and paying your way through the world. At the point that you are lazy and don't like yourself very much it becomes really easy to isolate and end up picking up hobbies which tend to isolate you further (video games, obscure and obnoxious media like anime--the seizure-y Japanese cartoons). It becomes natural then to connect with online communities of similarly isolated folks: hence, neckbeard.

Is quite a traditionalist viewpoint which greatly underestimates the potential of the individual. Video games are constantly written off as wastes of time because they do not produce any quantifiable, real world products. But they do have their benefits in developing a person. I can almost guarantee that the games this guy is playing is something like World Of Warcraft/DoTA/miscellaneous fantasy role playing game. These games offer pretty much exactly these things: accomplishing things (levelling, questing), meeting challenges and overcoming them (combat), taking on difficult tasks and succeeding (raids), having a job (role play) and paying your way through the world (economy). Do not underestimate how hard those types of games are, and how skilled the best players are. The AVERAGE young person of today will play 10,000 hours of video games before they are 21. According to Malcolm Gladwell, that makes the average young adult an expert in video games. Imagine how much a person obsessed with games has played. Don't be mistaken in thinking that time would be spent in a state of constant overstimulation, either. There is a lot of hard, repetitive, frustrating, tedious graft involved. But it is pursued because there is a set goal for every action in these games. Every wild boar slain is verifiable as a step towards a greater goal. This is really hard to find in reality, where goals are often ambiguous or non-existent, and your personal progress is not easily judged.

I used to play a hell of a lot of video games in my teens. I wasn't exactly a layabout, I did work (at a mind-numbing job) 8 to 5 on weekdays. All of my spare time was sunk into games though. Honestly, I didn't play them for the sheer enjoyment of the gameplay. I played them because they provided a very obvious framework for personal improvement (albeit virtual) in which I was ALWAYS progressing. I was also one of those students that seemed to have great potential but little motivation. The motivation was lacking because there wasn't I never had that goal-setting and progression framework. I suspect this may be true for many young video game obsessives these days.

I discovered this after making a concerted effort towards getting into shape (I was under 130lbs at 6'1, underweight). I loved how direct the feedback is from working out. Every rep of the dumbbell burns the muscle you want it to. Every finished workout leaves your muscles pumped, and achey the next day. Every week the scales tip in your favour if you worked hard, or against you if you didn't really work (or eat right). This is EXACTLY how many hardcore games work, except they flash the feedback in your face every few minutes of play. With pretty graphic design. And with a congratulatory musical motif. And a badge. And a new piece of armour or weapon skin.

Translating the kind of affirmation framework that games offer into the real world is SO fucking valuable, especially for enlivening obsessive gamers. For me I became so involved with personal development in the real world that games kinda fell by the wayside. I still really enjoy playing. I just don't nearly as much because I also have other pursuits to be getting on with. This book is a fantastic read on the growing obsession with games, and how gamers can translate their in-game experiences into real world value.

Don't bother with a 4 year Comp Sci degree or any 4 year degree if you're looking to become a programmer. I've done software engineering for the last 9 years without a degree and without massive debt. Life is much better and you will learn skills that you'll need later.

You need to be able to teach yourself programming skills because of the nature of the job. Teach yourself a few languages which cover various paradigms of languages. Start with more practical ones like Python, then move towards languages that will teach you to solve problems differently like FORTH or Squeak.

Understand what your fellow software people will expect of you. Move towards being a more competent programmer. Build things that are just slightly larger than anything you've built before - but finish your projects before you start a new one and don't let your eyes get bigger than your stomach. If you want to work with smaller businesses, learn a breadth of skills. If you want to work with large companies, find something you have a serious interest in and exploit it until you're a specialist in that domain. Pay heavy attention to design. Software is not a strictly technical field like accounting.

Most importantly, have fun with it. You will gain the ability to create amazing things without worrying about the cost of resources or building materials.

I was a total neckbeard for most of my life up until the middle of high school. I never had a beard (still can't grow one) or a fedora, but I pretty much only wore baggy white t-shirts and a pair of green sweat pants, my entire social life revolved around videogames, my local comic shop, and Magic: the Gathering. I was always the kid who could draw the best in school, so I did make a few friends because of that, but I had zero self-confidence due to my disgustingly fat body. Then one day I was walking around with my friends and out of nowhere one of them loudly proclaims, "illcoholic, you have man-juggs!" For some reason that comment just pushed me over the edge. I didn't want to be the kid with man boobs anymore, so I started going to the weight room with my friends (most were on sports teams) and did whatever they told me to. It wasn't easy at first, but the initially shitty feeling of physical exertion started to feel really good after a few months. I dropped a ton of weight, got broader shoulders, a haircut (eventually) and people started to notice.

I've never had a "real job" (tattooer/book illustrator here) so I can't offer advice on interviews and stuff like that, but what I can recommend is:

A) Shave the beard (if you have one)
B) Burn the fedora and flame shirt collection (if you have one)
C) Pick up a copy of Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe, join a gym, and follow the routine.
D) Throw out the junk food/sugary drinks and replace them with chicken and vegetables and water and shit like that.

I really hope some of this helps. I'm rooting for you along with a bunch of other people in this sub. You'll make it, buddy.

I'd suggest starting off with a Dorco razor starter kit. It's pretty cheap and has almost everything you need, aside from a brush and a shaving soap. Aftershave is completely optional, but it definitely improves the feel of your skin afterward. I use Chiseled Face soap, specifically Summer Storm and Ghost Town Barber.

Feel free to ask anything else. I've been shaving dual edge for a good year and a half now. Best choice I've made in regards to personal grooming.

> When I was in that phase it was actually a book that helped me tremendously, with all the advice about how you have to be confident and at peace with yourself, and most importantly how getting women should never be the most important thing in your life. Two friends of mine who were doing the whole pick-up artist thing (remember when that was a thing?) recommended it to me.
What a difference that made astonishes me to this day.

You know I'm really surprised to read this, because the same happened to me, I swallowed a pick-up book written by a good person trying his best to be a douche. But instead of becoming a douche myself, it eventually lead to me becoming very calm about everything (I used to be anxious around women). I'm not hiding it, I had a very red pill moment myself reading the first pickup art book (a novel called The Game), but I just never liked the subreddit when it came along, maybe because a couple of IRL friends became rather misogynist through that sub. But the amount of solid lifeprotips in the book I'm referring to... Man I still see videos of that guy and I can't believe the discrepancy. It's called Magic Bullets and was originally written in English. Among other things it explains really well what it means to be a "natural Chad" and how you can acquire the skills that they naturally employ, and why the difference even exists.

Again, really good to hear a similar story. Having read this book is not something I usually share, even with internet strangers :) And I didn't know they seriously advocated rape on incels... I guess the sub went private now anyway.

Ok, I just happened to find mine on Zulily and made an impulse buy. I love it! I do have a small girly purse for dates and stuff, but for day to day the sling purse is friggin awesome!

Example

Here's one similar to mine on Amazon. But they also have cute Vera Bradley style fabric, or plain black leather. Just use search words such as: crossbody, sling, backpack, purse

And guys, they're unisex! So you can get one if you have too much crap to fit in your pockets!

Be nice to people with fanny packs. A percentage of them are off duty cops and there's a gun in there!

As someone with his own self-esteem issues to work out, I found that this book came recommended highly. It's a long journey with lots of day by day, step by step mental work, but this seems to be one of the best resources someone could use to begin improving their mental state by themselves:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Six-Pillars-Self-Esteem-Definitive/dp/0553374397

I am about halfway through it. It was published in 1994 but the author seems to be the foremost pioneer in self-esteem. It's eye-opening how well he can explain some of the most complex issues we can face. For ten dollars, you must check it out.

i used to have it (still do but it doesn't fit?), it's a Rotcho jacket, and quite honestly for the price one of the best i've owned.

https://www.amazon.com/Rothco-Special-Jacket-Coyote-XX-Large/dp/B004Z1VTTG/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1522943892&sr=8-4&keywords=rothco+jacket

I can't speak for most people, but when I went through my "I want to live in Japan" phase it was due to reading Confucius Lives Next Door, which is a book about how western culture can learn from eastern culture based on the author's experiences in Japan. It's a wonderful book, but reading responses to it (mostly surrounding the author's cherrypicking of the good elements while only spending a chapter talking about the bad) did balance out my viewpoint a lot.

That's fine, it is a funny joke and whatever. I am talking about when they pull out this weapon's grade autism https://www.amazon.com/KingFury-Unisex-Printed-Ahegao-Sleeve/dp/B075D24682/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_tr_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&refRID=ZJSS5Q1QETMS76GBF2FQ&th=1

The Amazing Athiest is simply preparing for the Neckbeard Uprising.

Well he did write a book called Neckbeard Uprising so he definitely self-identifies with the tribe.

To be fair, he is very self-aware... he makes no apologies for being a neckbeard and even wrote a book about it.