(Part 2) Best products from r/lgbt

You've already got a ton of great books on that list (including some pretty dark/intense stuff!) but I'll try to suggest a few things that might fit your criteria.

My Brother's Husband is a really good manga. It's written for younger audiences and acts as a sort of intro to LGBT topics, but it's well-written, earnest, and has an interesting slice-of-life style.

It's about a (straight) single father and his young daughter in rural Japan. His estranged twin brother has recently died and his brother's American husband unexpectedly shows up for a visit. He was never fully comfortable with his brother's sexuality, and the American man doesn't know much about Japan, which leads to some awkwardness and lots of discussions about cultural differences and the virtue of open-mindedness. It's heartfelt and often hilarious. This is the most LGBT-centric thing I've read recently.

Lumberjanes is a very popular American comic. It features an almost exclusively female cast (almost no men in this comic) and has a lot of LGBT representation. The main cast features lesbians, a trans woman, and (eventually) a non-binary AMAB character. The supporting cast is also very diverse.

The comic never really focuses on LGBT issues directly, it just has a ton of LGBT characters. It's a young-adult adventure comic about an all-girls summer camp in a magical forest. The girls show up expecting a normal summer, and end up dealing with dinosaurs and Greek gods and angsty punk rock mermaids.

It's a very silly, self-aware, fun comic with a lovable ensemble cast. Great stuff, and maybe my favorite ongoing comic these days. It's still being published as a monthly comic and the back-issues are available in several trade paperback collections.

On to TV...

Steven Universe is easily the safest bet. It's an all-ages cartoon about a young kid growing up with his three magical moms. He's trying to learn how to save the world, and they're learning what it means to be human. It's a little slow to start but once it grabs you, you're hooked.

The show features a rich and diverse cast, a complex backstory full of intrigue and mystery, an interstellar war, characters who actually grow and develop over time (rare in kid's shows) and a lot of very catchy songs. Despite the cute exterior, the show deals with some very heavy themes in a nuanced and honest way. I'm constantly impressed that it's able to do all of those things while still being, at it's heart, a slice-of-life show about a kid, his family, and his friends.

This show is extremely popular, especially among LGBT people, so a lot of the young folks will probably be fans of the show already.

It's available on Hulu, Amazon, iTunes, and anywhere else Cartoon Network shows are available. Unfortunately CN is infamous for being extremely slow to release their shows on blu-ray/DVD, so streaming (or piracy) is the only way to watch most of the episodes.

For videogames, I'd stick with the classic party games. The Mario Kart titles are always a safe bet, as are Rock Band and the older Guitar Hero games if you don't mind buying lots of plastic instruments. I've been playing a lot of Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime lately, and it's a fantastic party game for 2-4 people.

I got this...



The obvious Brokeback Mountain

Shelter

A Single Man

Milk

C.R.A.Z.Y.

Les amours imaginaires

Christopher and his Kind (This one was originally a TV movie in the UK but it was edited together to be a full length movie and is out on DVD now)

Make the Yultide Gay

Were The World Mine

Undertow

Prayers for Bobby

Mysterious Skin

Shortbus (This one has real sex in it but it makes sense in relation to the story so it's not just a "gimmick", an excellent film)

Latter Days

The Hours (Although this is more of a sad-woman-lesbian kind of story)

Far From Heaven

Patrick, Age 1.5

Loose Cannons

Strapped

eCupid (This one is still making the rounds at LGBT film festivals but it should be on DVD by February, I'm guessing around Valentine's Day

Philadelphia

Campy Fun:

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar (this one is actually probably my favorite Wesley Snipes role)

Is It Just Me (Not the GREATEST movie and the script and characters are a little weak and obvious at times but I found it to be a really endearing kind of movie and it was nice that that the "hot" roommate genuinely wants to help the "less hot shy" roommate.

Documentaries

For the Bible Tells Me So

We Were Here

(Dramatization of real events) And the Band Played On

EDIT: I know some of these are repeats of what others have said. I left off a couple and I included a couple that others recommended. Adding a few more:

The Matthew Shepard Story

The Laramie Project

Angels in America

House of Boys

Transamerica

Also, if you're interested in more about the Matthew Shepard story, I strongly recommend you read the book The Meaning of Matthew written by his mother Judy Shepard. It will break your heart but it is an incredible read and an amazing journey that she has taken to transform this horrific tragedy into such a powerful force for good.

EDIT #2: Adding a few more:

Capote Not entirely obvious on this one but in this Truman Capote develops a very intimate relationship with a male prisoner, the subject of his book In Cold Blood

Howl A portrait of poet Allen Ginsberg when his poem "Howl" was published and the resulting Obscenity Trial. Kind of a strange movie, not one of favorites but though I would include it anyway.

The Kids Are All Right

Breakfast With Scot already mentioned but one of my favorites. Really hit home with me with where I was in my life the first time I watched it.

Touch of Pink

I Love You Phillip Morris surprisingly a lot better than I expected.

RENT

Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss

EDIT #3: Forgot to add Dirty Girl. I thought it was great but you have to into knowing what kind of movie to expect. I think it's doing a limited run in theatres right now, I saw it a few weeks ago. Juno Temple is kick-ass and amazing, plus Nicholas D'Agosto has a small but important role as a stripper... it was amazing (and incredibly hot!) but also kind of bittersweet.

Depending on your age there are a bunch you might enjoy. When I was in high school I loved the Rainbow Boys series. There are three of them and all of them are great. Very coming of age, trying to figure everything out kind of story where the three main characters are in different stages of realizing and accepting their sexuality.

One I just read that I loved is called Tipping the Velvet. I had to read it for a class, but omg it's one of my favorite books now. The main characters are lesbians, though, not gay males. It's a historical novel, and set during some major social revolutions, so it's very interesting.

Okay, this last one is my guilty pleasure. One of my favorite stories to read is the macho, All-American, tough guy realizing he likes dudes, and this book is exactly that. BUT it's even better, because he's a professional baseball player, and I love baseball, so it's even more amazing. It's called The Dreyfus Affair and basically the main guy is young, married to the perfect woman, has the perfect kids, the perfect life, is the star player on his major league baseball team, has all of these publicity deals in the works, but then realizes he has some not-so-innocent thoughts about one of his team mates. I got this book for free at a giveaway at my college bookstore and omg, I'm so glad I picked it up, because it's amazing. I took me probably a day and a half to read it, just because I couldn't put it down.

> What?

My point was that by holding First Nations to treaties that were signed under duress, you are upholding the actions of colonialists as legitimate and the consequences of these treaties disproportionately affect First Nation people in negative ways. It's an old problem but it has never really been "solved," the burden has simply been moved onto First Nation people.

>But boy are they loud, and naturally don't consider themselves fringe feminists.

Thankfully TERFs have been written off by most feminists as a hate group. They are loud and their views are deplorable, but they also have no power nowadays.

>Who maintains the structure of the Patriarchy?

Not who, but what. Economic inequality between men and women is at the historical root of patriarchy. Hunter-gatherer societies were gender-egalitarian and some times included 3 or more genders. All food, tools and land were held in common, with all having an equal share regardless of gender. Women were gatherers and tended home, men were hunters and tended livestock and small farms (generally), and these roles balanced in power because women and men created the same amount of food, clothing, etc. for the community. This changed with the rise of larger-scale agriculture, when livestock and farming became increasingly important economically. This meant that suddenly men's work role put them in control of the vast majority of production and surplus in society, thus edging women out of social and political life and confining them to the domestic sphere. This power differential created patriarchy and continues to perpetuate it to this day, with women as a group having less wealth and therefore having less power in society.

(I know there are a lot of claims here and they aren't cited, but all of the information is from the book Men's Lives. It goes into the issue in greater detail than I presented here and of course with lots of handy citations. It's a great book and it deals extensively with the relationship between men and feminism if that topic interests you.)

>If privilege is invisible to the people who have it, who is distributing this privilege?

The short answer is that privilege and power are not "handed out" in a conscious way, but that existing structures of power are reproduced automatically by people who see these structures as natural, good or inevitable. For example, almost all countries have longer maternity leave than paternity leave. Men are expected to get back to work and women are expected to take care of the baby on their own. These laws are based on preconceptions of what men's role in society is and what women's role is. The people who passed these laws didn't create patriarchy or privilege, they are merely reproducing a power differential that they grew up learning was the right and just way to organize a society. And it's not just politicians, everyday people act in ways that privilege some and not others. People watching men and women do the same job tend to rate the man more favorably even when performance is the exact same. They are not consciously "distributing" privilege to the men, they simply have a more positive attitude to seeing men in a work role because that is the default outlook in our society.

>What explains the high number of homeless men?

Not 100% knowledgeable on this topic but I'll try to give an answer to my best knowledge. Many homeless folks are combat veterans and/or have disabilities. By and large most veterans are men. Two of the most common disabilities among the homeless are schizophrenia and addiction, both of which disproportionately affect men over women. This could be at least a partial explanation of why men are more likely to be homeless.

Of course, these are also examples of men's issues which are generally overlooked in society. Despite the existence of patriarchy, not all men are equally privileged (Men's Lives does a great job of covering this topic). Lower income men tend to be the largest casualties of war. Men overwhelmingly die by suicide compared to women, showing the vulnerability of disabled men in our society. Men make up an overwhelming majority of the prison population, especially men of color. All of these are serious issues that can be understood and addressed by using feminism to understand men's roles in society, but also touching on the intersectional issues of class, disability, race and so on.

"Feminist advocates collude in the pain of men wounded by patriarchy when they falsely represent men as always and only powerful, as always and only gaining privileges from their blind obedience to patriarchy." -- bell hooks (famous intersectional feminist)

Patriarchy can and DOES hurt men. Any feminist who claims that all men are equally privileged by patriarchy is incorrect. Any feminist who claims that men are only empowered by patriarchy does not understand the nature of patriarchy.

>Feminism discovered the Patriarchy, but can't explain its structure, can't influence its output, and can't dissipate its effect [etc.]

The structure of patriarchy has been explained, by many different feminists. I already mentioned the historical development of patriarchy. I can get into the social-psychological aspects of patriarchy more w/ you if you want. I like this conversation but I'm tired and need to go to bed soon. But yeah, my point is that feminists can explain the structure of patriarchy. Any feminists have definitely influenced patriarchy for the better-- everything from voting rights to abortion rights reflect this.

>they can see the effect (which men cannot)

Men can see the effects if they study women's issues, listen to women's lived experiences, consider feminist theories, etc. Many women understand these issues based on their own life stories, but men have to approach it from a perspective of not knowing what it means to be a woman in this society.

>I have a substantially different theory regarding these difficulties.

What would those be?

>What about the men that like being aggressive, competitive, industrial, and stoic? Will they be welcome in this new women's paradise?

In a society that has accomplished the goals of feminism, those traits would no longer be "men's traits." Anyone could be as aggressive or competitive or stoic as long as their aggression doesn't hurt anyone. It would be a society where someone's gender is never a barrier to what they want to do or who they can be. And it's not just for women. Women and non-binary people will benefit most from the goals of feminism, but men will benefit too.

Sure. There is actually quite a bit of written historical evidence for non-hetero relationships in the past. Not as much as heterosexual ones, but its there and so many great scholars are devoting their careers to it. This isn't my general area of study but I will try to provide some recommended reading that is accessible/readable for the general public. In general, most of the academic work done in this field is on ancient Greece and Rome, both because these were very literate societies who wrote about their lives and cultures extensively, because there were institutions like pederasty in the Greek context which were widespread enough to be discussed in writing and because of the general western bias of much of the research done in the west up until just recently. Women's relationships in general are much much less discussed, if at all, both because of the uneven distribution of literacy (heavily favoring men) and because of (upper class) women were very much removed from public life in all but a few exceptional cases. I say upper-class because that is where the overwhelming breadth of historical writing comes to us from/about. The history of the pre-modern world relies on what evidence we have and what has been preserved, which skews it in many ways towards literate classes. Archaeology can fill some of those gaps, but without the detail and explicitness of written sources.

The book I would most recommend in this particular area is Sex in Antiquity: Exploring Gender and Sexuality in the Ancient World, a collection of scholarly papers which discussed various aspects of that topic. Its unfortunately difficult to find in print/in full outside of academic libraries or for a reasonable price but there is a Google Books page which while not having the complete text does have a significant portion of the book. This also has tons of further sources which could be searched for out of that.

Also: Gay Warriors: A Documentary History from the Ancient World to the Present by B. R. Burg - looks at the history of homosexuality in soldiers. Partial text at Google Books here. Amazon here for purchase.

Bisexuality in the Ancient World by Eva Cantarella. Amazon. Partial on Google Books.

Among Women: From the Homosocial to the Homoerotic in the Ancient World edited by Nancy Sorkin Rabinowitz & Lisa Auanger. Google Books text <-- this one looks like Google Books has the complete text


As for Asia/Americas, I know even less on these subject areas. What comes to mind off the top of my head is Japanese Shunga woodblock prints. These are erotic art prints done from the Eto period through the Mejii Restoration in the mid-19th century. There are many that depict lesbian sex with dildos. Does this represent widespread practice or salacious fantasy? I can't say but I assume somewhere scholars have investigated, likely in Japanese. There are some books available on Amazon about Shunga and Japanese pre-modern erotic art in general but I don't know if they address homosexual sexuality.

In the Chinese context, look at Homoeroticism in Imperial China: A Sourcebook which gives excerpts from translated texts from Imperial China. There isn't much analysis, but it gives good primary sources from a extremely large swath of Chinese history on the subject. The complete text is available on Google Books.

Another area that comes to mind is the presence of intersex, gender fluid individuals in American native tribes: so-called "Two-Spirit" individuals. Europeans that came to North America encountered non-binary gender constructions in some tribes and some wrote about this. Scroll down on this page which has a paper about this topic and also has tons of other sources that may be interesting to you in this regard. I know that there has also been some work done on the Hijra of India, a third gender orientation.

Queer studies is an up and coming field in undergraduate and graduate History departments at universities across the world and there is so much good scholarly work being done in this area. If you are looking for more reading, be sure to scan the works cited/ bibliographies/footnotes of these works which have a wealth of further reading that is done at an graduate level of scholarly rigor.\

I hope that is helpful & interesting to you! (:

You can definitely be a mix of everything if you want, gender has no specific rules and a lot of what we consider to be "masculine things" vs "feminine things" are just social constructs.

It's also perfectly fine to be a cis-gendered man who feels like and identifies as a cis-gendered man, but wants to look like what society thinks girls look like some days. The great thing about personal identity is, is that it's personal...it's yours and you can choose to express what you feel however you want.

There are a LOT of labels out there - genderfluid, genderqueer, nonbinary, etc... A lot of people don't feel comfortable labeling themselves, but some people definitely do feel that labels can help them to better discover their identity and find community in shared experience, and either way is OK too.

I'd recommend getting a copy of the book, The ABC's of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell - it does a really good job of examining sex, gender, and LGBTQ+ identity and might help you find some clarity.

It's on Amazon at the link above, but you might also be able to find it at your local library.

It's admirable that you're both honest with yourself (and us) about this personal challenge, and actively trying to correct it. Given your career path I hope we can help.

As others have said though, a likely issue you're facing is that many (most?) trans people you would likely develop a friendship with in your age group and socio-economic bracket tend to be invisible.

But that belies the fact that, collectively, the trans people I know make up the most formidable and respectable people I've ever met. It's quite a ride, but once you've come out the other side it brings with it a certain awareness and self-honesty which is hard to match.

Still, you've constrained the problem quite well, and if personal online anecdotes aren't going to do it let me start you off with a little reading list:

• Whipping Girl, by Julia Serano;
  
• Gender Outlaws, the next generation by Bergman & Bornstein,
  
• Becoming a Visible Man, by Jamison Green,
  
• The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You, by S. Bear Bergman &
  
• Transgender History, by Susan Stryker.
  
  All are authored by trans people who I am confident you will find to be not only emotionally cogent but intellectually impressive. Also, all are very enjoyable.
  
  The best solution, of course, is to make friends with a trans person. As mentioned above though, we're even harder to find than our numbers suggest. Finishing these books off will at least dramatically reduce the chance that you'll immediately drive them away. :)

A friend of mine actually wrote this book about the stages of her transition. She had been married with kids before she came to terms with her true self. The book give many pieces of advice both for those transitioning and for the people close to them. Shauna's transition was a bit more traumatic than most since she is a public school teacher and was outted by the media before she was ready to talk to her family and co-workers about it.

What I've taken from the transgendered people I know (most are MTF) is that community is key. You definitely have us, but you should also try to find a group of people in your vicinity with whom you can meet and talk things over. Counseling helps, too. You're probably very confused, trying to sqeeze yourself into the "normal" box and finding it hard to fit. Counselors can help you to put your experiences and feelings in perspective, and they can help you set reasonable goals and timetables for the journey you may choose to go on.

I think, more than anything, you just need someone to talk through all the details with. I would recommend either a professional or a really close friend whom you know will love you no matter what. Redditors are great, but we're not what you need right now. Good luck, sweetheart! Keep us posted.

Part of the problem, I think, is that many successful T people lead pretty normal lives and our transgender status doesn't really affect our day to day lives.

It's easy to see an out and proud gay or lesbian person lead a normal, happy life, but chances are that even if you do know a successful trans woman or trans man, unless you know them pretty well, you don't know that part of their history.

If you're looking to get an impression of what transgender people go through, there are some decent resources online (although there's a lot of nonsense too).

The book I recommended to my mom when I came out was True Selves. It explains a lot of the basics, and the process many people go through.

>I'm frustrated that I still haven't developed any strong personal and intellectual relationships with trans people I respect, as I'm absolutely certain they're out there.

I think you're going to have a hard time finding a trans person who is both very successful and vocal about their background. I'm not saying they don't exist, but they're rare.

If there's anything more specific you want to ask about, feel free to PM. I'm a bit hesitant to get too personal on a public forum.

Tipping the Velvet by Sara Waters. historical novel set in Victorian England during the 1890s, it tells a coming of age story about a young woman named Nan who falls in love with a male impersonator, follows her to London, and finds various ways to support herself as she journeys through the city.

Valencia By Michelle Tea. When I read This book in high school it was published as a memoir of a Michelle's life as a young lesbian in her 20's in the San Francisco Queer scene. Now after the James Frey- A Million Little Pieces, controversy It is being called a strait up novel.

A young adult modern fairy tail collection I really liked was:Dangerous Angles: The Weetzie Bat Books by Francesca Lia Block.
We cheer for these young women and men as they struggle with the universal trials of growing up, finding love, and letting go--all within the vivid, glittering, urban embrace of L A. Block's stories about finding yourself, being true to your dreams, and believing in what might seem impossible will inspire teens and adults alike with the resounding messages of hope and the transformative power of love. --Brangien Davis

Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, Bruce Bagemihl
Amazon link (but I encourage you to not support Amazon)

>Homosexuality in its myriad forms has been scientifically documented in more than 450 species of mammals, birds, reptiles, insects, and other animals worldwide. Biological Exuberance is the first comprehensive account of the subject, bringing together accurate, accessible, and nonsensationalized information. Drawing upon a rich body of zoological research spanning more than two centuries, Bruce Bagemihl shows that animals engage in all types of nonreproductive sexual behavior. Sexual and gender expression in the animal world displays exuberant variety, including same-sex courtship, pair-bonding, sex, and co-parenting--even instances of lifelong homosexual bonding in species that do not have lifelong heterosexual bonding.

>Part 1, "A Polysexual, Polygendered World," begins with a survey of homosexuality, transgender, and nonreproductive heterosexuality in animals and then delves into the broader implications of these findings, including a valuable perspective on human diversity. Bagemihl also examines the hidden assumptions behind the way biologists look at natural systems and suggests a fresh perspective based on the synthesis of contemporary scientific insights with traditional knowledge from indigenous cultures.

>Part 2, "A Wondrous Bestiary," profiles more than 190 species in which scientific observers have noted homosexual or transgender behavior. Each profile is a verbal and visual "snapshot" of one or more closely related bird or mammal species, containing all the documentation required to support the author's often controversial conclusions.

>Lavishly illustrated and meticulously researched, filled with fascinating facts and astonishing descriptions of animal behavior, Biological Exuberance is a landmark book that will change forever how we look at nature.

I really, really enjoyed The Best Little Boy in The World. http://www.amazon.com/Best-Little-Boy-World/dp/0345381769. It helped me deal with a lot of issues. Especially my desire when I was younger to overperform to make up for being gay.

There's a generally well liked book on this subject called "Biological Exuberance". I thought it got a little creepy at times, not in content, but tone.

When my ex-husband came out, his mom was worried about how his elderly Midwestern grandmother would take it. She needn't have been since what grandma said was "oh please, I grew up on a farm! Spend some time with barnyard animals and you'll never doubt that homosexuality is a natural variation."

I like the small flag idea...also consider getting her a Bi flag instead of, or in addition to a rainbow pride flag. Also, you can never go wrong with stickers: https://www.amazon.com/Teacher-Created-Resources-Rainbow-Stickers/dp/B01AXBFOI8/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1540523103&sr=8-4&keywords=rainbow+star+stickers

Here's a good book to start with.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729

​

We use it in the curriculum that I teach in school. It's part of the Our Whole Lives (OWL) curriculum if you want to dig deeper on your own.

When I came out my mom told everyone in her department (She worked for a Gov't Contractor that makes Heads-Up displays for fighter-jets), and I started getting the weirdest shit from all her engineers.

For instance, a copy of that. And cards. And she baked me a "yay you trust me" cake.

It was a little overwhelming considering I had just spent 6 months expecting to get kicked out.

how does the nurture theory explain the homosexuality documented in hundreds of other species?

edit: pick up Biological Exuberance for a thought provoking read.

>Why do you think homosexuality exists?

Simple. Humans are animals. Animals have an urge to hump things.

Although, it could be have a social role in nature.

• http://www.amazon.com/Biological-Exuberance-Homosexuality-Diversity-Stonewall/dp/031225377X
  
  >What caused the writers of the Bible to hate on homosexuality?
  
  A lot of misunderstanding about the universe, such as hyenas used to be thought to be able to change sex.
  
  
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Christianity_and_homosexuality
  
  >Is there evidence that there were homosexual cave men and women?
  
  It is very difficult to find evidence of social behavior in cultures without writing.
  
  
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_LGBT_history
  
  ---
  
  I have no problem with homosexuality or transgender issue, mostly because I am not religious. However, because of Christian Dominionism (think Sharia Law for Christians), this has become a bigger issue that it needs to be.