Fitness / Health

32 / 5'10" / 153 lbs

• 5th week of 5x5. Skipped last week so I could kill it at a 10 mile obstacle course event.
  
• Sugar intake is zero most days now.
  
• 4 days nicotine free. Minor stress, but manageable.
   
  
  Career / Financial
  
  Payed off 1 of 4 student loans. Changed my cellular plan to reduce cost. Dedicated more of my income into one of my long term investments.
   
  
  Studies
  
  
• How to be a 3% Man ^×13
  
• NMMNG ^×3
  
• The Rational Male ^×1
  
• Book of Pook ^x1
  
• MMSLP
  
• WISNIFG
  
• Mindful Attraction Plan
  
• 16 Commandments of Poon
  
• 48 Laws of Power
   
  
  
• Shibari You Can Use ^reading
  
  I've taken a detour from my queue to learn Shibari. It's a lot of fun, and feels meditative at times. I've also given the NMMNG audiobook another listen.
   
  
  I felt compelled to review NMMNG again after suggesting it to my dad. I love him, but he is quite non-confrontational. He's not a total pushover, but he likes to keep everything running smoothly regardless of the long term consequences. My mom walks all over him as a result. He started implementing what he learned from it, and thanked me for opening his eyes. He's no longer afraid to rock the boat. "Let it rock", as he puts it. From what he tells me, she has no idea what to say to him now that he's actually asserting himself and his needs. I'm proud of him.
   
  
  Social / Game
  
  I've backslid on this and didn't approach any women this week. I even struggled to maintain eye contact with women passing by on the street, which wasn't a problem not too long ago. Best success I had was I've been having regular conversation with a 21 y/o HB7 about BDSM, and she's been showing interest. I haven't had to initiate contact with her, and she texts me almost daily. Unfortunately she lives 5 hours away, so I don't really consider it any sort of success.
   
  
  Weaknesses
  
  Still addicted to the Dom/sub dynamic with my adulterous wife. She cooks, cleans, blows me on command and unprovoked, always DTF, kneels at my feet, etc. She's stayed consistent even through my occasionally dressing her down about the incident. She's on board with the idea of me bringing home other women as long as she gets to remain the "head submissive". She accepted the idea of divorce, and hopes that even if that happens, she can still serve and have a relationship with me.
   
  
  I catch shit about her every OYS. Quitting smoking is cake compared this. So once again, I'm going to sit on it and continue indulging in my "chew toy".
   
  
  Goals
  
  
• Never smoke again
  
• Remain consistent with 5x5
  
• Get T levels tested to see if I need treatment (failed to do this last week)
  
• Up my day Game, n-close once before next OYS (failed to do this last week)
  
• Stop failing to follow through with my goals

First off. Congratulations on some things.

1. Introspection. Not enough people are able to step outside of their circumstances and make assements.
   
2. Declaration of dissatisfaction. Many times people have a "bad taste" in their mouth about their life, but cannot see enough to say "This is bad, it must be fixed."
   
3. Finding this sub. I have found that there are a number of good places on the Internet where people can find help. I believe this sub is one of them.
   
4. Choosing to do something. Even posting here is doing something. That's great. Keep on doing.
   
   Now, things are going to get hard for you. Very hard. Or rather, very difficult. All of the things that you did or did not do in the past will pay dividends today. (For example: Did you learn your multiplication tables in the third grade? Good, that pays off today. Did you get a good career by going to college in a field which has a high degree of demand? Bad, that pays off today. http://www.amazon.com/Worthless-Young-Persons-Indispensable-Choosing/dp/1467978302)
   
   This is a long post. Don't be offended at how long it is. Take it in pieces if you would like.
   
   
   > Brief background: Married: 1 year
   
   > Me: 23, bread winner.
   
   > Wife: 24, stay at home mom
   
   > Daughter: 3, special needs.
   
   What is the real breakdown of $$$, as a percentage, and who is it coming from?
   
   You are not the 100% breadwinner, as some of it is coming in via the SSI and child support.
   
   > My issues arose when I lost almost half my hours at work
   
   I'd suggest they arose well before that. This hour cutting is just the part that caused you to sit up and take notice.
   
   What is your degree? How has it left you in the hole WRT needing to have an hourly job?
   
   > for about 5 months (february to june). Cut from 30 hours to 18 a week.
   
   Some people would say, "Woo hoo, I went from having 30 hours available for my night classes per week to now having 42 hours available. I think from the rest of your post that you might not have done that.
   
   
   > Our daughters social security is what kept us afloat.
   
   Well, the SSI and the child support, right?
   
   > I lost all pride, all drive, and all feelings of adequacy.
   
   I'd like to know what your budget was prior to this hour cut that allowed you to have pride, drive, and feelings of adequacy.
   
   > So i picked up another job and did any and everything I could to keep my wife happy at the cost of my own happiness.
   
   Good. Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" ? http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453088070&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mister+nice+guy
   
   > Lost SSI due to missing paperwork and havent made time to get it fixed so it's just been me making it happen.
   
   Be clear here, with yourself first, and your wife second. The two of you equally failed to perform the "Fill out the paperwork" task. Do not take 100% of the blame for this (unless your wife is illiterate, and you have to be the one to take that task all on your own).
   
   > The past month: She's been going out every other night or having people over every other day and of course I started feeling jealous.
   
   Some observations.
   
   
5. She's been going out. (Therefore you have surplus $$$ in your budget. Are you putting 10% in your retirement? Are you giving 10% to charity?)
   
6. She's been having people over. (Therefore she has extra time in her day. Therefore she isn't worried about $$$, or she'd be working on bettering herself via a better degree)
   
7. You living life via the feels, not the data. ("I started feeling jealous" WTF?)
   
8. You still not seeing the real problem. ("Of course" I started feeling jealous. There is no "of course" to it. Only those who are ruled by their emotions allow something external to them to move them. What should you have felt? Jealousy? If so, then fine, be jealous. Not jealousy? Then fine, don't be jealous. But there is no of course to it. You choose your actions. No one else.
   
   
   > I've been telling her that I want to hang out with her and spend time with her. But it never happened, either lack of time or money.
   
   Be clear with yourself. It never happened for one of two reasons.
   
   
9. You didn't want it to happen.
   
10. She didn't want it to happen.
    
    Consider that. Those are the only two reasons. There can be no other reasons. Then reflect on each of them, for 5 minutes each, separately. Write them on separate pieces of paper. "Why didn't I want to hang out with my wife?" "Why didn't my wife want to hang out with me?" Go for a walk in the back yard, put some "thinking music" on (I like Vivaldi), and consider those two questions. You will come up with answers that you don't like. That's OK.
    
    > Today: I wake up to a quiet home. In a zombie-like fashion I scan the bed for my phone to check the time and it is 2:27pm. I have work at 3. I noticed a text notification from my wife that says "I went out to eat. Didn't want to wake you. Have a good day."
    
    That was kind of her. (Take it at face value. Even if it was passive aggressive, and even if you don't like it, at face value, she did you a favor.)
    
    > To the typical man, that is a blessing. But for me, being a beta bitch, i got upset. Without any form of rational thinking or reason, i sent back "U serious?". She calls and we begin to talk. I started with my "Id like to hang out with you too" blah blah blah. I work 2 jobs. 14 hours when working both in a day so "im tired" is always at the helm whenever i don't feel like putting any effort towards anything.
    
    I don't think I believe you when you say "I'd like to hang out with you, too." Why? Words whisper, actions shout. Your words are saying, "I want to hang out." But your actions shout "I find other things more important than hanging out with you." Don't claim that I am saying something that I am not. I am not saying that you are choosing sleep over hanging out, and that this is bad. Again, I am not saying that. The only thing that I am saying is that your actions and your words do not match up.
    
    Take this moment to ask yourself, "Well, self, what do I really want, then? I would suggest that maybe you want someone to say "Oh, poor baby, your life is so hard, I'll gladly hang out with you and wipe your brow and make things better." But that's just a guess.
    
    > But at the end of that clearly one-sided argument she said "If you want to hang out with me, then make it happen. But dont you dare get mad when i get up and go without you because all you do is sleep". And i said "Fine".
    
    Awesome. Look at what just happened there. I think it's good that someone in your life is willing to honor you enough that they will tell you to see things as they are. You should thank her for not sugar coating that.
    
    > So I leave for work, clearly in a pissy mood,
    
    "Clearly", only if you are living via emotions. Don't do that.
    
    > when her words start to echo. It hit me that I need to get my shit together. I am way too dependant on her company, affection, and validation.
    
    That is great. I'm happy for you that you were able to come to a conclusion that things need to be changed.
    
    > She then texts me: "You didn't have money last night right? Why the hell would you get upset about today knowing you didn't have money today? You slept up till it was time to go to work? So why get get pissed about not doing stuff with me?"
    
    It almost sounds like she is the rational one here.
    
    > (Our group of friends went out to olive garden last night. I didnt have the money so I stayed home and she went with them)
    
    That's interesting. I'll explain more below.
    
    > And that just reiterated my previous thoughts. I had a clear moment of weakness that lasted damn near a year. But never again.
    
    Sweet.
    
    > No more weakness, no more beta, no more of this pity party bullshit, no more jealousy or insecurities. Swallowing the red pill.
    
    Good.
    
    Now that we have that out of the way...
    
    
11. What does your budget look like?
    
    I suspect that the answer to that question is "We don't have one." Get one. Number one. You must have one. This is not an option. I have friends who use YNAB, https://www.youneedabudget.com/ , Mint, https://www.mint.com/ , Google sheets (search for templates), and envelopes. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=envelope+budget Yes, just envelopes, with just cash. It works. Do it. You and your wife will continue to have problems with your relationship and you won't be able to put a finger on it until your money is under control. At some point you mentioned that your wife gets to spend the extra $$$ that is left over for the child support. This is insane. Are you married, or Roommates With Benefits? I realize that this is not a budgeting subreddit, so get to one. You and your wife together. If she refuses to partner up with you with respect to the budgeting thing, then you have an MRP problem. Until then, you have a money problem. I suspect that she will refuse, since she likes to live beyond her means, and go out with her friends.
    
    
12. What does your family income look like?
    
    I suspect you have a crappy job, since you talked about having your hours cut. What are you doing to fix this? If (and I reiterate, if) you are able to afford a stay at home mom (SAHM) situation, then you have to earn the appropriate amount for your family. I suspect your wife needs to get a job as well. You simply cannot afford a SAHM situation. Face it.
    
    
13. What does your education look like?
    
    I suspect you don't have a college degree in a field with high desirability. Why not? Lack of effort? Lack of focus? Put all of that behind you, and figure something out. You might have 6-8 years of suck ahead of you, while you take night classes and earn a degree that will pay well. Too bad.
    
    None of these things are hard to do. "The only thing hard around here is your head" (said a random Drill Sergeant).
    
    Make a plan. Find a close friend to help you stick to it.
    
    You can do this. Many have before you.

OYS #5

Previous OYS - First OYS

Stats:

Age: 32; 6'1"; 230-221 lbs; Wife: 32, (together 6, married 3); Children: 1 - 18 months

Readings: Way of the Superior Man. NMMNG. Current: Gorilla Mindset

Overall very up and down week

Drinking

3/10

Drank 2 beers or less at 3 different social events. Pretty obvious that those events and (completely, totally imagined) peer pressure are problems for me as I haven't drank alone in 4+ weeks at this point, which is only reason this isn't a 1.

Was disappointing after a week of not drinking at all but something that gives me clarity of what I need to work on from a self-confidence and actualization perspective. (e.g. - I have trouble saying no to anyone about anything).

Next OYS:

• Reread NMMNG as boundaries and self-actualization are major themes.
  
• Journal every morning about why social events are a problem.
  
  Finances
  
  9/10
  
  Part of a small business group where everyone recommended the book "Profit First." Stayed up all night reading it one night and will read again. Going to implement coming up as it will ensure consistent owner profits as my business grows which will yield desired income increases. (Goal - increase income to $250k in 2020, $400k in 2021, and $600k in 2022).
  
  Next OYS:
  
  
• After a couple easy months, put in a 60 hour week focusing on sales
  
• New SDR has made first emails/calls
  
• Partners have agreed to implement Profit First in coming months
  
  Debt
  
  No grade - holding pattern
  
  No movement as waiting for IRS to post recently filed 2015/2016 returns.
  
  Next OYS:
  
  
• Have created a plan with IRS contingent on returns posting
  
  Family
  
  9/10
  
  Had an amazing week watching my daughter while my wife was gone. We had a great time playing and adventuring together. Other than taking her bowling with my side of the family on Wednesday it was all me.
  
  Since wife got home on Saturday she's noticed that our daughter enjoys hanging around me more and getting picked up.
  
  We've had sex every night but 1 since she's been back.
  
  Health
  
  4/10
  
  Reliance on coffee, caffeine and modafinil have continued. Totally forgot I meant to detox last weekend so put in a task to start this Friday.
  
  Cheated on Keto diet with wife gone. No reason other than being a total bitch. Totally not conducive to goals.
  
  Worked out only a couple times because I was "tired." Have been sleeping terribly because of reliance on caffeine so that has contributed.
  
  Also in "oh my gosh, I have so much to do I can't work out" mode when that's obviously not true and it's the most important thing regardless.
  
  General
  
  I should be able to not drink in any circumstance, but the calendar is (intentionally) free of social events while I figure out why I can't do it at those events. Again, not an excuse, but if I break my 4-week streak of not drinking alone it's DEFCON get help situation.
  
  Need to block out the noise and put in some hours at work. I've Time Tracked off and on over the years and will do so this week.
  
  Need to commit to going to sleep on time.

I'm going to throw out something that is not typical for this sub. Check out the book Turn the Ship Around by L. David Marquet.

Basically it's a book anybody in here who is in a leadership role could benefit from. I've been using the principles in my marriage and raising kids. Basic tenet is the best captain (Marquet was a nuclear sub captain) is the one who is able to lead their team to think and act knowing they have the captain's support.

Being in charge doesn't mean being controlling and demanding. My wife would tell yo that my leadership empowers her, and she appreciates my support. That's because she trusts and respects me, so when I show her she can be trusted with making decisions, she doesn't have to worry about my support.

Think of it this way: how do you treat her when she does go out on her own limb? They need our encouragement and guidance, not fear of failure and directives (except when necessary).

Month six of RP. My last OYS was a few weeks ago.

Owning:

• Health: I've dropped 15 pounds, nearly all bodyfat, in the last few months, while seeing steady strength gainz. Muscular vascularity has returned. Abs.
  
• Appearance: maintaining. Look good. Getting very positive feedback from folks I haven't seen in a while, IOIs from randoms. Feels great.
  
• Work: maintaining. Killing it.
  
• Sex: initiating more, some progress. Breakthrough incident the other night.
  
• Mood: Began vitamin-D and ZMA supplements. Seems to buoy my mood in these dark, cold months.
  
• Reading: recently started Athol Kay's Mindful Attraction Plan. Good stuff in there.
  
  Not Owning:
  
  
• Wife still has a hard time accepting my leadership.
  
  Wife and I had a big, blow-up fight over the weekend. She's upset that I blame her for everything that's wrong in our marriage. Claims that I don't care about her sexual satisfaction anymore. These are both untrue, and I maintained a good frame in this fight, which I attribute partly to the confidence that RP has helped me build: (1) I'm not afraid of her feelings anymore, and (2) I know I'm in the right. I calmly explained my position, both that night and the next day, when heads were clearer and we'd had sleep, and she eventually came back into my frame. Had great sex that evening.
  
  MRP likes to crap on improving communication in the marriage as a blue/purple-pill thing. I disagree. IMO, it's easy for "communication" to stand in for "let her feelz dictate everything," which is obviously bad, or for comms to overshadow many of the other important means of leadership in the marriage. But once you realize that not all feelings are valid, especially from women, it's easier to ignore the ones you can and help align the others with your leadership. I have to understand where my First Mate is emotionally, and ensure that she feels comfortable talking to me. This makes it a lot easier for me to take us where I want us to go.

Owned

Personal/family/divorce past: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4lew12/postdivorce_perspective_part_2/ . Owned and CLOSED. There will be no more discussion of some of my personal topics never ever.

Me as ACA / listening to my instincts. OWNED. There were some people in my life that I did not trust at all. They're out.

Health/fitness: gym - owned. Sugar addiction - owned, I overate and ate sugar in the past days, I created a journal to keep track on this, I realized at the gym that the sugar really makes me way weaker than I was, I realized that I feel "down" after eating sugar. Rationalization - why not, but rationalizations work too sometimes (like Allen Carr's book on smoking).

Family (divorced) and my sick narcissistic head: owned - I did not went into any conflicts this week, not that I did not want to. Plans for the next week - owned too.

Money: started selling electronics, thinking about starting some projects with "work B" for extra monies, I feel like I'm getting there.

Flat: clean, but there are still things to sort out. Flat is owned, because I keep it tidy. Still needs organizing though.

Me as PUA: finished this one https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6 , started this one: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24 . Told FWB that I am not planning to be exclusive, brought some drama, but as a result I felt GREAT because perhaps for the first time in my life I was absolutely honest with the woman and with myself. Asked out a girl that I really liked - perhaps for the first time in my life too I'm going after my instincts, my heart, if a specific woman is what I want, I should open her, I SHOULD LET THE FUCKING ADVENTURE OF LIFE HAPPEN and stop being all the time in control and in fear.

Not owned

Money: my income should be bigger.

Body fat: should be lower.

There are specific red things on my MAP, that I added this week, but I'm not going into details, I'd rather save some time to get them done.

Thanks, MRP.

>These two things are related. Go and lift even if you have to drop weight to do so... just get out and lift something.

Roger. Did just so an hour ago. Feel much better already.

> You had a bad couple of weeks. So what? Just get back to it. Look at the bright side - you're probably still 10x better than before finding MRP.

Thanks. Something something forest for the trees. Right on brother.

> Yeah it takes work to be the Captain especially in your situation with your wife's mental issues. Just keep at it.

Pretty sure a Captain doesn't cut it with this woman and her mental issues. She requires a Fleet Admiral. Only makes me stronger.

> Wow, our lives go in a parallel here regarding no PIV for weeks.

How are you dealing with it both physically and mentally, if you don't mind me asking? Might help me.

> Outside of Game and Day Game, what other are good books for this?

I have heard good things about Models by Mark Manson. It's on my audible list to listen to. I like the idea of honesty in this book.

Thoughts of a philosphical fighter pilot was transformative for me. I was whining and crying because my wife was mean. Boo hoo. Dude spent 7 years in a hanoi POW camp. Solitary for four of those years, in leg irons for 18 months, took 15 torture beatings for information. Dude held frame.

If Dude could do that, why can't I?

Why dude held frame: He chose to live, and to make sure that experience was used for some greater good later. This was a decision he made in prison. Wow.

He also had some insights into the nature of power in relationships that I found powerful.

Once I read that I was ready for the Enchiridion (by Epectitus) but not really his Discourses, which are thick and hard to get to the point. The Enchiridion is short and to the point. Also, I had previously listened to Meditations on Audio CD in my BluePill days, didn't "get it", and after Thoughts I was ready to "get it."

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1469259842/

Iron John was good for me, but I grew up with a father who was gone a lot (off working) and have been a disengaged dad/passive parent once my daughters got to be ~6 and 8 and didn't need me daily as I was off working too.

A big part of Iron is also the feminization of the man, the labelling of some strong elements of masculinity as "bad", denying the self, the coming of age process, the value of mentoring from older men ... very MRP compatible, good stuff. It is also mytho-poetical - he reverse-engineers what it is to become a man from classical and native/barbarian sources (some "primitive" societies still have these rituals, he studies them) - if you enjoy that, it's a good book. If not, it might be for you.

I literally had Iron John on my amazon wish list twice, decided "nah", then found it in a thrift store for $0.50. I do not think that was a coincidence.

> currently reading WISNIFG although this is challenging because this is the one book I have in hard copy only

It's $7.99 for the Kindle version - why don't you splurge a bit and download it?

>and wife is frugal by nature, so we have never had any issues here other than occasional shit tests for things I decide to buy myself.

I can relate to this. My wife is frugal by nature as well - SUPER frugal, as a matter of fact. When she tests me on things I've spent a decent amount of money on (like cologne lately), I just tell her "Hey, I wanted it. Besides, I smell AMAZING don't I?" Then I wrap my arms around her and give her a kiss, and let her smell me. She smiles. Problem solved.

>Frame - I’ve recently had a mini mental revelation and realized just how much of an asshole I was being to nearly everyone (and not the good kind of asshole: the needy, emotionally sapping, nagging, passive-aggressive, validation-seeking kind of asshole). When I first read the books, my semi-autistic self took them more like how-to manuals to fix a car rather than truly internalizing the states of mind these books are trying to communicate. That lead to the typical Rambo combined with “am I doing it right?” mode that manifested in me saying/doing the “right” things from entirely the wrong place. If anything this made things much worse, as instead of being just a beta bitch, I was now a beta bitch AND palpably angry about it too.

Initial calibration can be tough. The best thing to do is just STFU until it starts to click. I see you are starting to get that with this comment:

>My biggest area for improvement here is to start getting out of my own head, worrying about saying/doing the “right” thing and instead just start doing. That mental energy is best focused purely on stopping behaviors I know are counterproductive (DEERing and the like) rather than formulating the right responses. I fee like I finally know what STFU really means.

Keep working at it, you're on the right track.

>Sex - This had been improving somewhat, but backtracked recently due to the issues I mentioned above. Some of the improvements: my wife used to make low-effort / awkward initiations when she sensed it was time for duty sex, which I have taken to flat out rejecting. Instead I either initiate when I want it, or my wife initiates with higher effort and I reward her for it.

This is huge. One of the lesser-known truths here is that many men get sub-par sex because that's where they've set the bar - they've trained her to only give the minimum.

>I still need to work on my dominance/immersion. I’m still finding my wife wanting to dominate: decide positions, fight me when I change positions, etc. Obviously I’m not dominant enough, and when these things happen I let it get in my head / take me out of immersion.

I'm all for being in charge in the bedroom, but ultimately it's the quality of the sex that matters. While you're establishing a new dynamic, what would happen if you just let her take the lead occasionally and decide the positions, put the effort into making it good for you, etc? Nothing wrong with getting your bones jumped by a wet and willing wife imo.

>Mission - Beyond having a goal of bringing well-adjusted healthy children into the world, this is still a struggle for me. I’m frankly not sure what my life’s calling is.

This is the area you need the most work on. Women love to follow a man on a mission. I would make this your top priority.

Continued because apparently I am verbose as fuck this week.

This book is really good, but I am hung up on the idea of a man being in the supporting (submissive) role. What the fuck man, hard pass. Wife is really digging it and started to see how good this thing can be for her. It also addressed the “friend” who outed me for RP stuff. Luckily he didn’t say “Red Pill” by name, but he still tried to be the “concerned friend” which the book calls out specifically. Also people who are controlling, jealous or just disinterested and fake. People outside the L/s relationship are the main cause for problems. They look at the happy couple that has a strange dynamic and they seek to throw rocks at it instead of understanding it. Reading this section helped her identify the feelings of being judged and solidified the idea that what we are doing isn’t wrong, it just isn’t common. She also asked me "What made you flip the switch and change so drastically back in Jan?" I gave a vague answer and fogged. She kept pushing wanting to know the details or if I spoke to "chat rooms" or whatever. More fogging.

In order for the L/s relationship to work I have to actually shift into a benevolent dictator, instead of just a dictator. This will take some serious effort on my part but I am up for the challenge. I love to lead but I realized I am not where I need to be in order to succeed. Time to jump in the deep end with work and marriage and see if I can make this work.

Sex is usually twice a day, but the quality and length of sessions could improve. Tonight I am going to try and push her boundaries and have another spa night. Full body rub downs set the mood for some good sex. It gets her relaxed and immersed like nothing else. She has been trying to make me wait for her, like some little game. Last night, I had to tell her “Get the fuck upstairs and get in my bed.” She listened. When I got upstairs, she was wearing lingerie and took me into her mouth as soon as I got within proximity. She said she wanted to finish watching her show but also wanted to suck my cock, so she did both. Very good girl.

> ego still flares up when deciding what weight to put on the bar.

Since you devour books, I'd recommend Wendler's 5/3/1 second edition.

It's an easy read - Could get it done in an afternoon or two pretty easily.

Don't even worry about whether or not you want to do that program or 5x5. Even if you like 5x5 and think it's the ultimate program for you, you will understand strength training much better having read what Wendler has to say. The important thing in this book is his philosophy on how to program and how to lift. The first half of the book is essentially about how he thinks about lifting. I agree with probably 90% of it.

Even if you don't want to end up doing 5/3/1, it will enhance your understanding of what you're trying to do. This reading will help your ego understand why you need to use the weights you need to use.

Lots of guys just download an app and do what the app says. There's usually a reason behind why things are/aren't included, or a way to understand the program that isn't readily apparent just by plugging numbers into the app. Getting stronger isn't wrecking yourself with near maximal weights all the time.

**CREATIVITY**

​

Adding this section because I've been ignoring it.


Read this article:


https://getpocket.com/a/read/2496701934

​

And it really got me thinking about my "type."


I've always been an artist, a musician. I've been in bands forever. I'm in a fucking band right now, playing two sold out shows in March, playing a sold out show in Europe in the spring, doing a west coast tour in the summer. People love the shit I produce.

​

This used to be the driving force in my life, and I've shunted it to the side.


Why? Well, for one, the business uses a lot of the same muscles - the creativity, the restless thoughts. It also eats up a lot of my time, the rest of which is taken up by family/kids/working out/etc.


Secondly, since I've been at MRP I've been focused on increasing my "masculine traits" - my dominance, my muscles, whatever. This was a latent part of my personality that needed work.

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But I feel that loss. I miss thinking about aesthetic things - reading for what it makes me feel, rather than to learn the next marketing technique.


These live shows have forced me to work on it - to go to band practice, remember how it feels. We're also recording some new songs and I need to get vocals done and recorded.

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I scheduled two nights this week to come in late and record. That'll get me back on the horse - and I want to continue working on new material so I can accomplish my goal of a short solo tour.

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I've done a lot of work on myself, and that work will continue - it's never a bad idea to address your weaknesses. But I can't forget my strengths, either - it's time to integrate what I've learned here into my own unique personality.


**READING**

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I got a bit tired of non fiction, so I've been reading this:


https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005LVR786/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
"The Best American Noir of the Century"


Man, it's great. Highly recommended. Short stories, includes a bit of history of the genre and the authors with each chapter. Very fun, very dark - obviously.

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Been reading "The Irresistible Offer: How to Sell Your Product or Service in 3 Seconds or Less - by Mark Joyner"

Quite good - basic, but a very nice framework for putting together offers, which is good for me right now.

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Still working through "Human Nature" by Greene - it's very good, as always.