Best products from r/mentalhealth

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I am from the opposite side of the spectrum. I have issues, have not been diagnosed. I think from a logical standpoint, (or illogical) all women will have a tough time with there man talking to other women. I could not do a long distance relationship. Does she have anyone to talk to other than you? I can understand the pain that trauma causes, it literally changes how you are wired. How often do you physically see each other? 8 months is not a very long time. I have been with my husband for 16 years and I STILL struggle with things, I have been in therapy for a long time, and have learned specific skills to cope. When I am away from my husband, even for a few days, I find myself struggling, But, like i said, I have learned to talk myself and work through it. I disagree with others in saying that she will just get worse and can't be helped. ANYONE can be helped! It does depend on her. Try to point out logical things, in a VERY gentle way. To be someone that can't manage emotions well, the best way I can explain it, is that during an emotional fit, you literally are unable to concentrate on anything OTHER than the specific feeling. Try to get her to use the phrase, "Yeah, but." So for instance if she is freaking out about that she isn't your priority, have her say to herself, "Yeah, but what if I am?" Challenging her OWN thoughts. Ultimately it is up to you how you deal with it. Accept her as she is now, and know this is the best she can do, right now. Beyond that, it is a day to day thing. And learning how to cope yourself, and help her cope, and help her challenge herself can be hard, I am sure. Possibly encourage her to start writing. Writing is very therapeutic and can possibly be a good way for her to sort out her thoughts. Contrary to the other posts, (and please I am not trying to be argumentative here,) - Love, and understanding is possibly the only thing that can truly help her, even if it seems like it isn't. When she needs space, just give her that, and communicate that you are not abandoning her, you are trying to help her. Sometimes it is true, I just need to be alone, however the assurance of knowing by giving her her space you are trying to help her, and are not going anywhere, may help. My husband sometimes gets upset at how much reinforcement I need. I try to work on that, and it can be extremely hard to remember that not everyone "just leaves". However, it is probably important to know, that even after 16 years of being with the same person, I still do struggle with things that are upon later talking through I realize are irrational fears. It is definitely work.

The world can be a really overwhelming place for someone who is more sensitive than the normal person. She is just different. Not necessarily bad. I feel sympathy for all the horror stories I have heard of people with BPD hurting others. I am so sorry to hear that. I want to say though, not everyone is bad, it is just the severity of pain, and it is entirely dependent on the individual the choices they make. It does take two people to tango as well, although the majority of time it can be one person instigating. Try and remember this is not your fault, or her fault. It is just a difficult situation. Suggest to her the book: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Personality Disorders by: Jeffrey C. Wood. It has helped me a lot!

Try to also establish healthy boundaries with her. Try something like, "I need to be able to socialize, It really helps me be able to deal with life easier. This doesn't mean I am leaving you or are not a priority. It is just something I need. I also love spending time with you, and want you to know you are loved." Obviously, reword it in a way that makes more sense to you. Something along those lines. Really though, for it to work, you both need boundaries that are healthy. She also needs to respect your needs while knowing you aren't going anywhere. I am just guessing, based on this post, she already senses or suspects your doubts. So if you want to end it, do it before wasting either of your times. It would be unfortunate to prematurely end something that could be alleviated, and if you really love her that would also be sad. However it would also be sad for both of you to waste your time on something that you are not sure of as well. The decision has to be made of what you are willing and able to deal with.

Sorry for the continuing edits, just trying to help here. Consider suggesting natural remedies to help alleviate. Aromatherapy has been a helper for me. Lavender is a great oil to smell when you are feeling upset. It has been shown to be useful for many things. Just smelling it in times of stress can send signals to your brain and work to calm yourself down. This is a very unscientific way to explain it, if you look into though, there have been a lot of good things researched and said about it. Thanks for listening.

Here is one more book. I haven't read it, it got good reviews though. I will probably check it out too.

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0399536213&pd_rd_r=HSZD3ZTAT547C1Y8SD5Z&pd_rd_w=T5dSN&pd_rd_wg=le172&psc=1&refRID=HSZD3ZTAT547C1Y8SD5Z

Hi. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much, I know the struggle so well. I've been sabotaging my relationship for years because of very similar issues.

A clarifying question - are you old enough to see a psychologist/psychiatrist on your own? Or even just a doctor, for the time being for medication to help you?

The great news is this - you know there's a problem. Many people can't even see that enough to begin to get help, so you're a step ahead of the curve!

A reality check about your boyfriend - here's the deal. You love him, I'm assuming and he loves you. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself as it's his responsibility to take care of himself. What that means is if you tell him, and he doesn't feel up for the job and he leaves - that's not rejection. What it is, is him doing the best thing for both of you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but talking to him about it is going to do one of two things - 1. You'll have the support and patience from him and you two can work on getting better together. or 2. You'll know that you two are not a compatible match.

Either way, as it stands - your words seem to say that you feel unlovable the way you are (because you're afraid of him rejecting you), do you think you stand the chance at getting better if you always feel like you're hiding your real self from him? You're missing out on a very powerful opportunity - to learn that you're lovable with your perceived imperfections, whether that's from him or from someone else.

((hugs))

If you're not familiar with this website, it's very helpful: https://www.bpdcentral.com/

Don't worry about whether you "have" a personality disorder or not, focus on the behaviors and thoughts and how to improve them.

Some resources that may help you:

NonViolent Communication - Helping you learn how to know your needs, communicate them and to hear others, as well as communicating compassionately with yourself.

Here's a video about it.

Mind over Mood is an awesome workbook to help change the way we think.

Totally could have been wrongfully diagnosed. It happens with EVERY mental illness, that someone, somewhere, is misdiagnosed with it.

For me it was anxiety. For YEARS it was "just anxiety." Now, that's not incorrect, as I have the same health centered shit you said you have (I thought my breathing was manual yesterday and surely I was going to die!) uhhh, but yeah. I thought I had depression as well, but psychiatrist wouldn't hear of it. "It's just anxiety!"

Oh, well, turns out I have bipolar disorder! I've gotten second, third, and fourth opinions on that because that was about the second to last thing I thought it could be.

But then when I start talking about it, it sounds just like bipolar lol.

So, for years something was overlooked for me.

These folks try hard at their jobs most of the time, but they don't know everything.

It's speculated that a number of people do actually "out-grow" BPD. I ticked a lot of boxes on that list even when I was in my early twenties. Now I can't relate to most of them at all.

What should you do? I think therapy is useful for every person alive. No matter how well they are doing. And you've gone before and that's awesome! Now, DBT is very useful for a range of folks, but it's the most recommended form of therapy for folks with BPD.

I'd find a therapist who specializes in DBT, work on (with that therapist) trying to stop obsessing about the label, and just go with that. Because really, DBT is great, it's great for BPD (if you don't have it, cool! Therapy will still help!)

So your idea of getting appropriate therapy is a good one, but in the sense that therapy is appropriate and DBT is great, so you could give that a shot. Definitely talk about all these worries with your therapist.

Your anxiety feels pretty horrible, doesn't it? I just kind of read that.

I'm glad you're still here! I wish I could somehow re-assure you but anxiety is such a terrible fuckwad. Here's a book recommendation for that:

http://www.amazon.com/The-OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1572249218

I'm only putting in the one for OCD because it's good for obsessive thoughts. I don't know if you have OCD, but this book is supposedly one of the best for anxiety. Disclaimer: I've never read it, can't give my own review. But a million times it's been recommended to me.

I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy about this :( I hope you feel better soon.

It sounds like living with your dad might be the best of those 3 options. You'll still be in contact with the girl you like but you wont be challenged with as many changes. BPD is EXHAUSTING, I know. I find that the solution that is driven as equally as possible by both logic and emotion fits best. Suicide may seem like a good third option, but remember that there is always a possibility for even more options than you listed. I would sometimes confront that idea with "I''m pretty sure I've explored every option and angle and this is all I got", and I did....with the information I had at the time. Group therapy helped me with finding more options to help solve my problem from my peers and from the ppl running the group. I think it's important to be open to gathering up more information on what you can do and what support you can get. This forum is the perfect place!

Also, Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) is extremely usefull in treating BPD. You can find a number of online resources and workbooks to help you. There are also DBT group therapies out there that take insurance or do sliding scale. I'll link the books below. Some of the worksheets inthese books can be found on forums or other websites for free, uploaded by wonderful ppl that just wanna give ppl access to something helpful.

Book 1: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_C12QybM6GZ5PF

Book 2 (my personal fav): The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_w22Qyb6Y42T7S

Yes, you can. But not without therapy. It is possible to apply therapy to yourself, so hope isn't lost! It does require a lot more effort than seeing a therapist does, and for some people just having another person help with the problems is key. There is an advantage to healing yourself. Your therapy will be perfectly targeted and personalized in a way that even the best therapist couldn't, if you are able to gain the right knowledge. And change will happen faster. You're free to spend as much time as you want at no $$$ per hour instead of once a week or whatever.

Basically, your end goal is to understand yourself fully so that you can change. The best way I've found to do this is reading. In my case in order to have the motivation to change, I needed meds. Perhaps when I'm fully in control I can come off them, but for now they are necessary. You of course have to decide for yourself on that issue. The next issue is finding the right books, which will also be different for each person. Once you've read a book on BPD, you'll start to see the nuances of the disorder that you do or don't have. Every personality disorder covers a wide range of traits and not every person has them all. But to make a diagnosis being too specific isn't helpful. So you may find that you don't have what you thought you did or you may be more certain than ever. Whats the next step? Find a good book targeted at your best guess as to your issues. Amazon has been a wonder for me on this. As well asking for opinions on forums specific to your disorder is a great way to get good recommendations. You can also find people that have done this before you by just googling 'best books xxxxx'

Here is what I recommend - read I Hate You--Don't Leave Me and if afterwards you are certain you have BPD, continue on that track. Probably read this next - The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. If BPD doesn't seem entirely like you, then use what you learned you aren't to narrow your diagnosis and try again. Also, you're going to see mindfulness thrown around a lot. Its essentially the first step in meditation. It works. Its real, we have reinvented the wheel in order to treat mental illness caused in part by not teaching meditation in the first place. Probably.

If you want to get the books and read them on your computer, I can help you do that for free. If they help you change your life, then buy the hard copy. If you need the hard copy or just prefer it, they aren't that expensive.

I was a lot like you at school. Still am. I am 45.

Do crowds overwhelm you? Do you read everyone moods when you walk in to a crowd?

Does it stress you that you sense so much?

If yes.

You could be highly sensitive person:

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwhelms/dp/0553062182

"Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams? Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water? Are you "too shy" or "too sensitive" according to others? Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you? If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the Highly Sensitive Person, it's a way of life. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychotherapist, workshop leader and highly sensitive person herself, shows you how to identify this trait in yourself and make the most of it in everyday situations. Drawing on her many years of research and hundreds of interviews, she shows how you can better understand yourself and your trait to create a fuller, richer life. "

I was one. Still am. A woman found me through internet and we were married for 16 years. But it ended due to my disease (epilepsy).

You are 16. Son you have a life ahead of you.

School. DO NOT GIVE UP ON IT! Find a way to fit in. Find your place. I think I started to like high school when I was 17. I was awkward before then.

Your feeling about you never finding anyone.

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone feels that at one point or another in their life. Some less. Some more.

Killing yourself. You are precious. People may not tell that to you. But yes. You are precious. You have to learn to love yourself. So you can love others. If you do not love yourself. You will have hard time loving others.

You will end up in a co dependent relationship where your happiness depends on the other. Ideally in a relationship there would be some breathing space. Some room. I think my wife left me because I was hanging on her too much once I got sick.

Some people find that very stifling. People need their freedom. You may not feel that way. But yes they do.

Stop telling yourself that you are going to kill yourself. That creates more anxiety. Which leads to you thinking about her even more (because when you feel bad the brain tries to cope by thinking about what made you feel better).

So you will be stuck in a loop. If you stop thinking about killing yourself. You will probably not think about her as much.

Be open to happiness.

YOU ARE 16!

You have a working body right? No broken back like I have. Feet that do not ache?

May I tell you about our lord and savior exercise.

If you are not already doing it..

Start running. Lifting weights. Bicycling. Whatever? You will feel so good once you get into shape. Also I imagine it is going to help with the girls.

Exercise high is not a made up thing. It is real.

Also on a real bad moment. Eating does help. Momentarily. But if you are feeling very bad. It is instant serotonin boost.

Now of course exercise would be better..

Just my 2 cents.

God I wish I was 16.. :D

Sounds like you are bumping up against some (potentially) unresolved trauma (grief and loss), and how it has potentially affected your "adult attachment style." Your reactions to breakups are not unnatural, although they may be (as you indicate) more extreme or long lasting than you'd like. You are asking good questions, and the fact that you are looking for a more healthy alternative to your current patterns of behavior/relationships is a good indicator you are moving toward health... You could look for a therapist who can administer the Adult Attachment Interview with you. The AAI is legit: but stay away from foofy therapists. If you ask what their preferred treatment modality would be in working with you, and they say something like "it's all about your journey," just peace out. Finding a good therapist is like finding a pair of comfy shoes, sometimes you gotta try a few.

You can also check out this book, Attached. It describes attachment and neurobiology, and how it impacts your relationships. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but it seems pretty good so far.

Good luck!

> On the other side, my mom defended me from bullies, drove me to school every day, cared for me and could be really sweet... This is confusing to me

This is precisely the reward-and-reinforcement mechanism people like Theo Lidz, Gregory Bateson, Paul Watzlawick, John Weakland, Don Jackson, Jay Haley, Virginia Satir, Jules Henry, Ronald D. Laing and Aaron Esterson saw two and three generations ago in the families of origin of their schizophrenic patients. And that Diana Baumrind ultimately saw after she did her original work on the various parenting styles. Having worked with well over a hundred people with BPD (not suggesting you have it), I have seen the flip-flop mother -- pretty likely stuck in learned helpless codependence to the intimidating, abusive, narcissistic father -- so many times in the families of origin of the BPD pts that I'm relatively certain it's a fairly common etiological set-up. In whatever event...

1. Substance Abuse: IF one is abusing alcohol, nicotine in any form, or other rec or Rx substances, they'll have to stop. SA can cause -- or worsen -- this in people with specific genetics and behavioral conditioning (see below). Alcoholics Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous and/or Narcotics Anonymous can be helpful. Or using the SAMHSA facility locator online to find a detox & rehab.
   
   
2. If one is NOT doing the above, they may need lab work to determine if they have hormonal (e.g.: thyroid) or metabolic (e.g.: low Vitamin D3) imbalances. See a competent MD, DO, PA or NP. (To find one in your area, use the clinician locators mentioned below or get a referral from your GP/PC doc.)
   
   
3. Medications, but only if really needed to get one stabilized enough to do next seven things on this list: Find a board certified psychopharmacologist in your area by using the physician locators below. Getting psych meds from a GP or primary care doc can be useless or even risky. Psych diagnoses, meds and med interactions are just too complex now for most GPs and primary care docs.
   
   
4. Support Groups: Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families (ACA), Emotions Anonymous (EA), and Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)... where you will find others in similar boats who have found explanations, answers and solutions. All of their websites have meeting locators.
   
   
5. Books and academic, professional websites including Mayo Clinic, WebMD, NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), and even Wikipedia (when everything asserted is solidly documented with citations). Strongly recommended because they all understand the upshots of having been stressed into fight, flight or freeze for too long, including complex PTSD: Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Patricia Ogden, Ronald Kurtz, Laurence Heller, Bruce McEwen, Sonya Lupien and Robert Sapolsky. Look for an online article entitled "Treat Autonomic AND Cognitive Conditions in Psychopathology?" to get you oriented. Accurate information is power. More books:
   Nina Brown's Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents
   
   Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
   
   Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
   
   Elan Golomb's Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in the Struggle for Self
   
   Susan Forward's Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (a bit long in tooth now, but still useful) and Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
   
   Kimberlee Roth & Frieda Friedman's Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem
   
   
6. Psychotherapy: I currently use Ogden's Sensorimotor Processing for Trauma (SP4T) as the "interoceptive" 9th of The 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing to manage any C-PTSD time bombs that turn up, but had good results over the years with several of the
   
   . . . a) cognitive behavioral therapies (CBTs), including Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), collegiate critical thinking, and Schema Therapy; the
   
   . . . b) "super" (or mindfulness-based) CBTs like Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mind-Body Bridging Therapy (MBBT), and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR); and the
   
   . . . c) "deep cleaners" like Eye-Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR), Hakomi Body Centered Psychotherapy (HBCP), Somatic Experiencing Psychotherapy (SEPt), Sensorimotor Processing for Trauma (SP4T), and the Neuro-Affective Relational Model (NARM).
   
   One can look up all of those by name online. The CBTs deconstruct one's inaccurate beliefs, values, ideals, principles, convictions, rules, codes, regulations and requirements about how we or they (or the world) should / must / ought / have to be. DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT and MBSR are terrific for emotional symptom management. EMDR, HBCT, SEPt, SP4T and NARM are first-rate for memory-reprocessing, sense-making and detachment from the conditioning, programming, etc.
   
   To find the clinicians who know how to use these psychotherapies, look on the "therapists" and "psychiatrists" sections of the Psychology Today.com clinician locator, or the "find-a-doctor/specialty/psychiatry" section of the WebMD website; the SAMHSA's treatment facility locator, and -- for DBT specialists in particular -- on the Behavioraltech.org website. If you dig a little on each page, you will be able to see which therapies they use. Then interview them as though they were applying for a job with your company. Most psychiatrists, btw, are not therapists themselves (they are medication specialists), but can refer you to those who are, and are often excellent sources of referral.
   
   
7. Mindfulness Meditation: Try the Vipassana or Theravada Meditation styles? (For a lot of people with anxiety, unwanted mania and depression, this stuff handles them all chop chop. Many of the modern "mindfulness"-based psychotherapies are actually based on these now.) The article "The Feeling is Always Temporary" at pairadocks.blogspot.com provides a nice summation of it.
   
   
8. Therapy Workbooks: I got a lot of lift-off by using inexpensive workbooks built on CBT, ACT, DBT, MBBT and MBCT workbooks like these, and these, and these, and these.
   
   
9. Moderate Exercise: Because it is the single healthiest of the distractions one can use to yank oneself out of the paradigm for a while... and it can help to "massage" the brain so that it responds more quickly to psychotherapy.
   
   
10. Diet: A lot of people with depression, mania and/or anxiety eat very poorly. Junk food -- not to mention too little nutritious food -- will definitely impact those who are overly stressed and make symptoms worse. High-quality frozen meals are better than McFood of almost any kind, but HQ fresh (especially Mediterranean -- though not pizza -- and Asian) food appears to be best for pts with C-PTSD symptoms. Healthy fats in moderation, btw, are known to be good for depression. Add a 1000 IU soft gel of Vitamin D3, too.
    
    Of the ten, #3 and #6 are the only ones that cost much, and several are totally free.
    
    

Here is a video that was helpful to me when I first discovered the unhelpful thinking styles that you are talking about (they are called "cognitive distortions" and are a foundation upon which CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) is built upon). There is an exercise in it the video I did (with pen and paper) that helped me start to deal with my own poor thinking habits and get better at rectifying them.

I own the book Feeling Good which also has some Do-it-yourself CBT exercises in it that I've done.

I'm not an expert and to be honest I should probably do some more of this stuff myself, I've gotten a bit lazy about it but I do remember it being incredibly eye-opening! Even now I can catch myself getting into to those thought patterns and recognize the cognitive distortion in play and help prevent myself from going further down that train of thought and try re-orient my thinking back to reality.

I'm happy to share this with you, hope it's helpful :)

I know it's long, but please read.

They probably aren't bad, it's just that we are only recently seeing research specifically designed towards treating depression. Also don't go to a family doctor, go to someone who specializes in depression. Most common drugs that are used are for other illnesses, that they are effective for depression is typically a side effect. I've probably gone thru most of them. There are different types of meds that target different chemicals in the brain (link at the bottom gives a list and what they target. There is also a dna test that can help determine what meds would best suit you. (link below)

There is currently research on Ketamine, also known as Special K (a party drug). Studies are indicating that a very low dose can really help. (Link below to list of clinical trials) Also indicated is the need to only use it every few weeks for it to be effective. I am going to persue this.

I tell you all this not because I don't want to tell you my meds (I take 5 different ones), but because each of us is different and what will work may be different too. I am constantly nauseous, sometime very low grade, sometimes I puke. Depends on the day and how much I eat. I really want to see how things go with Ketamine and I hope I can get into one of the clinical trials.

I know this isn't what you asked, I hope the information helps you decide what actions to take. Also, talk to your dr. let them know what you have had a reaction to and what types of drugs you don't want - I refused to go with prozac because it makes me somewhat of a zombie. I won't take anything that interfers with my ability to think. be active in your treatment.


Types of meds:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/optimizing-depression-medicines?page=2

DNA test:
http://genelex.com/patients/conditions/depression/

Ketamine clinical trials:
https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/results?term=ketamine&Search=Search

Book I find very helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Disease-Johns-Hopkins-Health/dp/0801884519

I'm glad the advice meant something to you! It's a pretty standard line in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, which you might find useful. There are workbooks available as well as general resources. If you're really curious, check out some of the clinical-end resources, the ones meant for practitioners. They might appeal to your intellectual curiosity. I know what you mean about taking a second. It's a very weird strategy at first, because you're de-valuing what seemed like the most important past of yourself, but it really helps in challenging those dangerous thought patterns that keep you from accessing the very resources that could help you recover.

Sorry your home life is kind of shitty. I'm sure you can see, even if it doesn't help, that your mother and father are deeply scared of anything being wrong. Could you covertly get some advice from your aunt, since she knows your home life? Social workers tend to be great people. Or perhaps you have a school counselor? Internet research might reveal a public clinic or school/hospital service with easy access. Worst case scenario, you might have to stay in a holding pattern until you're independent enough to seek help without stigma. Which is horrible, but again, not the end of your world.

Masks take a real toll on a person. My further vague advice, not knowing you, would be to practice real honesty in controlled settings whenever possible. Even if it's you talking in the mirror, or to yourself as you walk outside. You don't want to get into a pattern of repressing thoughts/memories, or dissociating when the mentality surfaces unexpectedly. Forcing thoughts away tends to make them recur at weird times. Try to observe them happening as if from a distance, take a breath, and let them fade. Writing can help keep those feelings organized. If you reach out to someone like a friend, again, I would orient it toward behavior rather than confession. You two won't be able to 'solve' the core problem by talking, but your friend might have good suggestions for positive changes, or at least validate your experience.

Are you adolescent? If so, these kinds of emotional disturbances are, scarily enough, pretty routine. Even if you're not, emotional regulation is a very underrated skill-set. Any work you do toward that end, even small habits, will pay for themselves tenfold.

You can do this.

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQWX9J7

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01MQWX9J7

Hi guys,

I've not been to this sub before so I'll start by introducing myself - my name's Bradley, and I suffered with mental health issues for over half my life (anxiety being a huge part of them).

In recent years, I've started to overcome them more and more, and I'm starting to put together a series of books with advice and guidance that I wish I'd received.

The first is called "Overcoming Anxiety" and is currently available on Amazon for free - I'd just ask that you leave a review, as I'd love to know if it was helpful to you, and your thoughts on how it could be improved.

I've messaged /u/simmaltree and he's okay'd this post since it's available for free and contains good advice.

I won't take up too much more of your time,

Have a great day,

Bradley

If she's having depression and mania why are you saying schizoaffective disorder? That would be bipolar. If she only saw the doctor once they probably didn't have chance to properly give her a diagnosis...

This is a tough one. Hearing voices in and of itself isn't necessarily a problem, but doctors often don't see it like that. There's a big move in the UK to change the automatic medication of people with voices as many people who experience voices have found the treatment worse than the experience (this is an example of someone talking about that problem https://www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_longden_the_voices_in_my_head) You must keep in mind that the major anti-psychotics are well known for having some horrible side effects and a lot of people hate/resist taking them.

If she's experiencing mania rather than delusion/hallucination etc. you need to be aware that mania often feels great to the person experiencing it. It can feel amazing and people don't want it taken away from them. Trying to tackle someone during a manic episode can be extremely difficult and counter-productive.

Having said that, if she's no longer functioning and is a risk to herself that does become a problem. Rather than suggesting she goes to a doctor it might be worth finding out about support groups nearby. Talking to other people with lived experience may be more useful all round. I volunteer for the UK based charity Rethink Mental Illness (https://www.rethink.org) which might give you some ideas of what to look for.

If someone believes that they're functioning fine and that the doctors are against them it's no good just trying to get them to seek help. They won't if they don't believe they need it and trying to pressure them can turn you into 'one of them'. You say she recognises that there are some things wrong -that's good. Personally I'd approach this by building on that. What does she think is wrong? What does she think might make it easier? How can you help? Just because the situation looks awful to you doesn't mean she's experiencing it like that. You need to be careful of imposing on her rather than supporting her (a difficult balance to strike).

You also need to remember that you're her friend not her carer. Be careful you don't take on more than you can handle. If her family are around engage with them. This is going to take time to unpick so don't rush because it scares you. Take your time, listen to her and be respectful.

It might sound odd but there are two novels you might want to read. They relate to schizophrenia and bipolar and give a useful perspective on what the person is experiencing:

The Shock of The Fall by Nathan Filer
https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Shock-Fall-Nathan-Filer/dp/000749145X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=JZYX26JL2EDS&keywords=the+shock+of+the+fall&qid=1567418680&s=gateway&sprefix=the+shock+o%2Caps%2C148&sr=8-1

The Mirror World of Melody Black by Gavin Extence
https://smile.amazon.co.uk/Mirror-World-Melody-Black/dp/1444765930/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=melody+black&qid=1567418726&s=gateway&sr=8-1

IMO The Shock of the Fall is a better book but they're both really insightful.

I hope all that helps!

I found this book extremely helpful when looking at attachment and how it impacts relationships. https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

​

It also sound like you guys need to get on the same page about relationship expectations and really be honest with yourselves about whether your partner and relationship are meeting your needs.

And definitely look for some way to get connected to therapy in the future! Through school, EAP through an employer, sliding scale at a clinic that has interns, health insurance. It can be SO helpful in working through issues that come up, recognizing unhealthy patterns, and regaining a sense of control in your life and relationships!

​

Good luck!

If you're committed, you can do some self-taught DBT. If you're new to DBT or CBT, they stand for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are many online resources or DBT Skills manuals you can purchase/thrift/borrow etc. It's extremely helpful in becoming your own guide through your healing journey. Here's some links to help you out:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/marsha-linehan-what-is-dialectical-behavioral-therapy-dbt/

https://www.amazon.com/DBT%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Second/dp/1462516998

https://positivepsychology.com/dbt-dialectical-behavior-therapy/

Although the skills manual itself is expensive, if you purchase your own copy you can make notes in it to help you personalize some of the skills.

I've attended DBT groups for years and have found it to be the most relevant skill set in my emotional regulation today. Feel free to PM me for more info.

ok

Firstly, if you are not seeing a trauma specialized therapist I highly suggest you consider seeing one. Just from your description it sounds like your issues are above the pay-grade of your current clinicians, or they are not putting in the proper amount of effort. The fact that you have so many complicating issues and your clinicians are not understanding why you having these shutdowns is a big red flag that something is amiss with them. I presume that you are being open and honest with them about all of your current issues, and that they know about your history of abuse/trauma.

You should also definitely do some reading about borderline personality disorder.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but absolutely, positively stay away from any drugs, even legal ones like alcohol. You are a perfect candidate for death by addiction, unfortunately.

Here are a few books that you might find useful:

https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining/dp/1623158249

https://www.amazon.com/Unspoken-Voice-Releases-Restores-Goodness/dp/1556439431

https://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Guide-Polyvagal-Theory-Transformative/dp/0393707873

I strongly suggest you try to get some serious headway on your issues BEFORE you try going to college. It might be worth taking a year or two off and just working and going to therapy/working on issues before you attempt to go to college full time.


Do you happen to live in a very religious area? Do you have a very religious family?

If one medication doesn't work you try another.

If one therapist doesn't work you try another!!

You might have to try another over and over again. People usually have to try a bunch before something works well.

See if there are support groups for depression (or other relevant issue) to join.

Exercise is a good immediate relief, and if it hasn't worked try anaerobic exercise (weights/resistance). Lactic acid is tied directly to the motivation system, which is what's broken in depression.

While depression is largely biological it is usually exacerbated by circumstance (primed in nature -> triggered by nurture). If she isn't in therapy, she can at least start learning cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to quell pessimism and such. This book is A+ It sounds like she got overwhelmed. :(

Thank you for being kind and understanding and willing to help. Ultimately, however, it's up to her to do the hard work.

I encourage her to post up stuff about her life history and feelings. Talking to weirdo strangers online is still helpful :)

I have this book, haven't read all of it but what I have read seems really helpful. It has some of the best reviews of any book on depression that I have seen.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

>Sometimes it feels like love is supposed to feel. Sometimes I feel so indifferent and numb towards him that I think it's just my mental illness telling me to find someone to cling to.

Sometimes this is called Dependent Personality Disorder. Its where we only have just ONE person, usually an SO who is completely burdened with our need for validation and emotional support. We think we are "in love". The problem is that these relationships are often short lived and you end up with an emotional support dog. Channeling my therapist here.

Its a good read, if you have time:

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521604040&sr=8-1&keywords=i+hate+you+dont+leave+me+book

I think these books would be very helpful on learning why people become narcissists and what can be done to heal: https://www.amazon.com/Trapped-Mirror-Children-Narcissists-Struggle/dp/0688140718

https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1466677067&sr=1-1&keywords=the+narcissistic+family

https://www.amazon.com/Unholy-Hungers-Encountering-Psychic-Ourselves/dp/1570621810/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1466677088&sr=1-1&keywords=unholy+hungers

I've been using this book https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336 to help with depression/anxiety.

Something that might help also is CBT. I use this book sometimes. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

You can probably find a pdf of it online.

+1 to "sounds like the meds need to be updated"

You sound really depressed. To be blunt (but also not an expert or anything) this is passive suicidal ideation, and not something to ignore.

It seems like you're familiar with depression from your past struggles, so you can tell the doc if you notice new features. Definitely mention you are kind of blah on existence!

I'm glad you still have perspective, and I hope you can feel better sooner rather than later. If you can swing it, there's a pretty good cheap book on CBT. It goes through how to notice and counteract negative thoughts that depression will constantly harass you with: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336


Good luck and give it hell! Hit me up if you like; I've been wrestling this stuff for forever.

There is a lot of great stuff just like that in this workbook. It was designed for BPD, but people with depression, anxiety, or even no real clinical diagnosis can learn a lot of daily coping skills (some are coping with other people.) I can't say it'll make you an empathic person - I suggest continued therapy for that kind of help - but it can help you with daily life skills.

Personally, I think you should give therapy more time. I've been going for about 10 years (about 8 of those multiple times a week, including DBT groups,) and I can still struggle with everyday coping skills, so every other week for a few months probably won't get you too far if the things that are impeding your life are very ingrained in your personality (for example, not like getting help going through a divorce, which is usually a much shorter-term problem.)