Best products from r/mypartneristrans

We found 32 comments on r/mypartneristrans discussing the most recommended products. We ran sentiment analysis on each of these comments to determine how redditors feel about different products. We found 44 products and ranked them based on the amount of positive reactions they received. Here are the top 20.

Top comments mentioning products on r/mypartneristrans:

u/putmeinthezoo · 8 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Hi, Azalea! It sounds like you guys are in a really tough place right now. I'm on the other side, and have been for 3 years now, and I just want to say, don't give up quite yet. You're only four weeks in, and many things can change over the next several months. Counseling and taking some time to do some reading might help you work through what you really need. It certainly did for me.

It sounds like you married your best friend, which sounds an awful lot like my situation. I met my wife our senior year of high school, dated through college and grad school, and married after 7 years of dating. 5 years in, when I was about 31 and right after our third child was born, she came out to me as transgender. I have to say, I reacted badly. In my case, I was stuck at home with two preschoolers and a baby, and I found out that she was using business trips and after work activities as excuses to dress in secret and go to support groups. I was, frankly, pissed. And I didn't know what she really meant by transgender. At the time, I didn't really know a lot about people that weren't gender typical, but I did understand that gender was a spectrum, and that I was completely straight with zero interest in women. And I had 3 children under age 5, out of state from my family, and hadn't worked in my field since moving out of state.

My wife saw how hurt I was and did not want to hurt me again, so she put off transition for quite a while. She went through a long phase of "If I just attend support groups, I'll be fine...." and that slowly ramped up into fully transitioning, with my full support and with a very strong marriage.

At some point, I realized that no one really cares what you do in your private life except the people in the marriage. No one can decide for you, even your parents, what you want to do with yourself. If you need to leave, then do it. If you need to help her through this very hard thing, do it. In the end, the thing that matters most is that you are happy with yourself and the decisions you have made. You only get one chance to go through life, so try to live it the best way you can, right?

For me, that meant staying. It took a bit, but I discovered that I married a person because he, then she, was that particular person, and not because she was a particular gender. I married my best friend. and now, almost 9 years since this all started and about 3+ years since transition, I still have that best friend, still have the physical relationship, and most importantly, still have the emotional relationship with her.

> I wish I could cuddle up next to him and be wrapped in his arms and know he's my world and our relationship is going to stay the same, that he's going to stay my wonderful husband.

This resonated with me, but looking from the other side of the bridge, the only thing that changed for me is that I now say "she" and "wife/spouse". She's still my world, and she's still my wonderful spouse.

Some of the reading that really helped me was a blog written by someone who went through the process about a year before us, and the Jennifer Finney Boylan books. In Boylan's story, I really identified strongly with what Grace (her wife) was going through. Here are the links:

She's Not There

There's a followup book just published last year called Stuck in the Middle with You that talks about their lives 10 years later.

And the Permission to Live blog series starts here.

Permission to Live has since written two more blog series. One is about life in the opposite gender, guest written by her transitioned wife, and the other is a story of their lives of the year between coming out and resettling in new lives. If you want those links, I'll look them up for you.

I hope you find something helpful in what I wrote. I'd be glad to chat more if you'd like.

u/subtleflora · 4 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Books: I'm reading She's Not There and my wife has found _Transgender 101_ to be very useful too.

Videos: I liked How do I know if I'm Transgender? and the series from "The Transition Channel" (like with Are You Transgender?) was quite good too.

Personally I really liked this article: Transition Deconstructed as it showed a positive story coming out of a spouse transitioning. I find that there are so few of those, and would really love more resources showing a positive outcome for families!

I'm really looking for resources about how to transition with young children (toddlers) and books to help them understand what's going on. Definitely not sure of how to go with that other than _I Am Jazz_, which is aimed at children a bit older than toddlers.

What else has helped you? Thanks so much for sharing!

u/bird0026 · 5 pointsr/mypartneristrans

My father is a Catholic and very strong in his faith. When I first came out, he didn't want to accept it until he had talked to the priest. The priest reassured him and they talked about it for a very long time. My dad accepted me because of the kind words of a priest. Maybe suggest to your mother to talk to a few priests about it on how she should deal with it. A "good" priest will tell her that God loves all things, and so should she, and not to show hatred or prejudice against any given group. (Maybe you should talk to her priest first, so you can get an idea of what he would say to her? Maybe ask the priest to talk to your mom?)

Thank your sister for the support she does give, and tell her it means the world. If she feels appreciated, she is more likely to offer more support. Same with your dad.

I'm not so good with brothers... my brother and I aren't very close, and he isn't very accepting of my transition (he's not vocally opposed either though). Maybe try giving your brother some reading material on the subject of transsexuality (True Selves)[http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-Professionals/dp/0787902713] is an awesome book, even if it is a bit old. My mother bought like 20 copies of it and gave them to all of our family and close friends.

Also, do you know if that movie is on Netflix? :D

u/Sunflowerfield1 · 2 pointsr/mypartneristrans

A lot of people are saying that this behaviour from your partner is unacceptable, and I agree. I also agree that breaking up is probably the best idea.

However, the elephant in the room here is:

a. Your lack of social support and dependence on your partner

b. Your unresolved issues with your dad that pulled you into a toxic relationship in the first place

I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist, and actively working on building a social support network so you won't be totally alone. I know it's easier said than done. It will take time. If you've never been able to make many friends, I'd recommend doing some reading or taking a class on developing your social skills because it's not good for your physical and mental health to be friendless. A drama/improv class might help too. It's also problematic to be so dependent on a partner that you can't leave if they get abusive. Even if you just start by making some online friends, that's better than nothing - one of my best friends is online.

You could make friends on the following subreddits:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/

https://www.reddit.com/r/InternetFriends/

https://www.reddit.com/r/hardshipmates/

I would also recommend the following books:

https://www.amazon.com/Friendships-Dont-Just-Happen-GirlFriends-ebook/dp/B07776956H/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1519107518&sr=8-1&keywords=girlfriend+circles

https://www.amazon.com/Frientimacy-Deepen-Friendships-Lifelong-Happiness-ebook/dp/B017QL9P5Q/ref=pd_sim_351_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=9DY83C3B2HF2HZFKD9FM

u/leaonas · 1 pointr/mypartneristrans

Yes, waiting can be hard. It took 4 months to get into a gender therapist in Boston. It is worth it though. In the meantime there are some books that may help them to better understand their feelings and options. There are two workbooks that I read that were okay:

u/serinaxshyloh · 2 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Therapy - for both you and your partner, separately and as a couple (if you can manage it, I know that can be tough) - is my advice for a first step. It sounds like you're trying, but still struggling when you get reactions that you're not used to or prepared for. Communication is definitely a key thing and a good, trans-affirming therapist can be an incredibly helpful first step in overcoming that first hurdle. If you'd like something to help that's more immediately available, I recommend Crucial Conversations - it was incredibly helpful to me long before anything trans-related came up in my life.

Also, there's no need to compare your pain and struggles to hers. What she's going through is incredibly difficult, yes, but you shouldn't feel guilty for not understanding every part of it or having been through something similar. Belittling the experiences that made you who you are today will only make adjusting to all the changes in your lives that much more difficult. Her struggles are different from yours, and that's okay. You're both going to be going through a lot together as she begins her transition.

Be strong and sure in who you are and continue to choose to be there for your partner. That is extremely important in all of this. If the two of you love one another and are willing to put in the work, you can find a way through this rough patch. <3

u/polynom-nom-nomial · 3 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Hey! So, I realize you already said wigs were not in the budget, but I have to let you know that there are some amazingly high quality options out there for amazingly low prices. I’m bigender and hopelessly bald. So much so that I shave my head smooth when boy and do the wig when a girl. None of my wigs cost more than $40, and one of my favorites was only around $17 or so... something like that. All purchased from Amazon.

Here are a few I highly recommend:

https://www.amazon.com/Emmor-Short-Human-Weight-Natural/dp/B07HCCH6GG/ref=sr_1_3_s_it?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1549178608&sr=1-3&keywords=emmor+wig

https://www.amazon.com/Emmor-Short-Auburn-Modern-Natural/dp/B07LD6H31F/ref=sr_1_11_s_it?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1549178608&sr=1-11&keywords=emmor+wig

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DCJS67P/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02__o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

Most MtF resources steer girls toward shoulder length, wavy, layered hair styles, but if your girlfriend likes one thing or another, she should totally go with that. Against all reason, with my broad shoulders, I tend to like shorter hairstyles and will usually dress to flatter the body. Everyone does it differently. Good luck to you both! And feel free to ask more questions, here or in DM.

u/junebuggery · 11 pointsr/mypartneristrans

The thing about poly is that it is not a get out of jail free card for one partner to do all the gallivanting around they want to do without concern for the other person's feelings. To really work, it needs to work for both/all people involved. There needs to be communication and compassion. Ditching your partner at a bar to make out with some else is super shitty behavior, and not a normal part of healthy poly.

More than two is a great resource with tons of articles about polyamory that was super helpful to me when I first started exploring it. The Ethical Slut is a good intro book as well.

Edit: formatting

u/transSOthrowaway · 2 pointsr/mypartneristrans

I agree with what the others have said, it sounds like he has a pretty good handle on who he is. I'd probably recommend reading My Husband Betty which is more from a partner's POV if you'd like different people's stories and insights. I'm about half way through and finding it very enlightening reading :)

u/iama_username_ama · 1 pointr/mypartneristrans

I know it seems like that is a minor surgery, but dont underestimate the recovery time. A month is really short, some people can barely walk at three weeks.

Testosterone is also going to be an issue. My sex drive was almost gone for a couple months. That doesn't mean that sex is off the table, just that it might be up to you for a month or two, to get things started. It just wont occur to him.

Finally, he is also adapting to girl sex drive. He is used to just looking at something sexy and, bang, being horny. Girls dont respond that way. It can take some adjusting.

Assuming he is recovered enough to not injure himself, try getting him a romance novel. I can recommend this one. It is more fantasy with a sex scene. http://www.amazon.com/Before-Midnight-Bells-Romance-ebook/dp/B005QBH3KS/

Also, therapists, especially ones that specialize in gender, are good at helping people sort out their emotions.

u/not_in_kansas_Nymore · 3 pointsr/mypartneristrans

This link worked for me.

As I am not a trained therapist, would you be willing to provide quick insight into:

>views assessment and treatment through a nonpathologizing lens that honors human diversity and acknowledges the role of oppression in the developmental process of gender identity formation.

nonpathologizing sounds good - positive

but does that stuff about the role of oppression mean that therapists and family members both can benefit from understanding how the cultural deck seems (at least at certain times and in certain ways) to be stacked against trans people?

Thank you in advance, and I believe I've seen your username before, but if not, welcome to MPIT!

u/ilovenye · 2 pointsr/mypartneristrans

I know that in the Trans IRL episode "The Spouses' Take" they all mentioned how they helped explain things to their kids of various ages, the bumps along the way, and books they used to help tell the story. It might not be quite what you're looking for, but adding here in case it is helpful.

https://youtu.be/iqAuLuDjU8o?t=3774

Red: A Crayon's Story

Introducing Teddy

I am Jazz

I also know that when my spouse first came out to me I went to our local LGBT centre to find out about their support groups. Most probably don't have anything specifically for young kids, but maybe they could help you come up with a solution.

u/thejamiec1 · 4 pointsr/mypartneristrans

One thing that my wife and I did that I think was particularly useful was to read this book together. Most of the book is about cross-dressing spouses, with some later chapters mention how relationships changed when one spouse transitioned.

What we would do is spend some time reading a few chapters, then talking them over. It was a useful exercise, as it helped to see that 1.) there are couples that have been through this and ended up okay 2.) there is a whole range of emotions that are brought up throughout, and having them articulated in written form and from many perspectives was a useful conversation starter ("This women thought 'this', is this a concern that you have? Why do you think that is? Is there anything we can do to help that?).

u/[deleted] · 3 pointsr/mypartneristrans

This paper by Anne Vitale PhD is readable and covers some of the most important topics concerning a person who desires to transition.
The Gender Variant Phenomenon--A Developmental Review I got a nice epiphany out of reading that one since I clearly fit into her group 3 category.

I've also been reading "Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working With Gender-Variant People and Their Families " by Lev. It's been helpful.

u/KrissyNovacaine · 5 pointsr/mypartneristrans

I've been in an open relationship for about 9 years.

There's no right or wrong answer. Everyone has to figure out what works for them. We tell each other everything and almost exclusively date and play together. Others do everything separately.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X

And maybe this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1587613379/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687762&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=157344295X&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=YCQ4324KQD8W090HRZTG

But absolutely the first one.

You need to be able to talk about everything. Deepest fears, expectations, fantasies. Open, honest communication is so important to making this work. Good, clear, respectful boundaries and guidelines help as well.

u/tulips_onthe_summit · 3 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Jennifer Flynn Boylan has the book: "Stuck in the Middle With You" I didn't read this book because I fall into the 'our children are grown category'. However, I read her other book, "She's Not There" and thought it was fabulous. Maybe give it a shot! :)

u/xie-kitchin · 2 pointsr/mypartneristrans

Didn't really care for Benvenuto's memoir personally, here's the review I wrote a couple years back: https://travelstogethen.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/sex-changes-a-memoir-christine-benvenuto/

Wandering around a bit on Amazon, I am reminded that I follow Amanda Jette Knox on Twitter and she has a memoir that might also be worth checking out: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735235171/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_aIDSDb91ZGHZW
I haven't read it yet myself, but her story is an interesting one.