(Part 2) Best products from r/nonmonogamy

Rules always sound like a good idea, but I've found in practice they don't work very well.

If you want to introduce some non-monogamy aspects I'd suggest stating out with a threesome; That way you are present, know exactly what happened, and can process the experience together after the fact to see how you're both feeling.

Either way, I'd say start slow, really really slow, and take baby steps once you are both comfortable.

EDIT: Also you should both check out these books:

The Ethical Slut

Sex at Dawn

Opening Up

When you speak about your libido, I'm wondering if you've read the book "Come As You Are"? I feel like women compare their libidos to men's...or the invigorating drive we have at the beginning of a new relationship. Nothing could be farther from the truth. For most women, there's not a constant drive as it is for men. I'm wondering if exploring your libido and your sexual relationship together might feel safer right now?

To address this, I recommend the book Mating in Captivity. It was super helpful for me to help to identify the causes of this kind of thing (too much intimacy, not enough inviduality) and address it.

I think the question of whether or not your partner is right, depends on how down they are to open the relationship.

How did I realize I was non-monogamous? I've always thought the idea was cool, and I pretty much lived it without giving it a real name. Through reading books about the practice, I've started to identify with it more. If you're interested, here are links to those books:

Opening up - https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/157344295X

Sex From Scratch - https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1934620130/

(And a Tumblr called polyrolemodels)

You've already heard from some others about the cheating so I won't go into that. I will second what another person said: if you're not enjoying the sex and your partner isn't comfortable changing it up sometimes, you will most likely need to open the relationship or break up with them. I'm assuming you're American, our society socializes people to think that bad sex shouldn't be a dealbreaker, but it totally is. There are ways to set up rules and lines of communication that will make both of you happy and healthy. That's where those books helped for me, reading stories about how other people did it.

I would also caution you to think about the way you frame relationships that don't work out. Instead of considering them "failed," say that you and your ex went different paths, or that things didn't work out. That's another societal thing that Sex From Scratch mentions. The idea that a "long" relationship = success and a breakup = failure is toxic, and keeps people in unhealthy relationships longer than necessary.

Whups, I thought I was on a different ENM subreddit anyways, sorry.

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love

The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships

The Polyamory Toolkit: A Guidebook for Polyamorous Relationships

Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!

Hi there! Do you recommend the illustrated version or the text one?

I highly recommend you both read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Handbook-George-Pransky-Ph-D/dp/0971198802

Also, Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up - http://www.amazon.com/Eight-Things-Known-About-Polyamory-ebook/dp/B00JY2PLI6

I've worked professionally with healing sexual trauma and I recommend that your wife check out the book Healing Sex by Staci Haines. It's practical and it doesn't rush the reader. I've even recommended it to people who've never had sex. Best of luck you guys.

Borax vaginal pills - these go in your vagina and they REALLY work. I had chronic BV/yeast issues after or during my period and when i was on BC it was worse. Anyway - if i have any vaginal upset - i insert one of the pills into the vagina (DO NOT TAKE BY MOUTH). It basically corrects PH and the bacteria dont like that. I have been using them now for about a year and i have not had to use any RX at all for any yeast infections etc. I swear relief is also very fast. If you have an infection, the instructions will tell you to use for many days - honestly - one has cleared up any issue.

Use it at night, because you will get some grainy discharge. I do have a latex issue, and also sensitive to some semen.

Example that i have used

https://www.amazon.com/pH-D-Feminine-Health-Support-Suppositories/dp/B01KGFXSLQ/

​

Also, if you still use tampons - switch to a menstrual cup. That really helped things too.

You may find this book helpful - a way to continue the discussion - Esther Perel - Mating in Captivity
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000UODXP0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Why would you be in a commited relationship with a woman who does not want to have sex with you?

All your answers are here: https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

I have a lot of questions about y'all's sex life first because some things are concerning to me:


Who usually initiates, you or her?
How much foreplay/oral/manual sex/etc. do you do?
Has she mentioned any history of sexual abuse?
Have the two of you ever tried to to troubleshoot her orgasms by just having a session where you only focus on her in a low pressure environment?
Does she masturbate? If not, have you asked her why?
How does she act during sex? Is it like emotional release sobbing or is it like barely holding back tears crying?


It really sounds like she's forcing herself to have sex with you for some reason. Sometimes girls feel pressured or obligated to have sex when they don't actually want to because they want to make their partner happy, even if their partner isn't actually applying any direct pressure to them to do so. It's real fucked up and most guys are pretty horrified to learn about it. Definitely talk with her about it and ask her why she feels this way and reassure her you're not going to judge her.


She may also be gay and either doesn't know yet or doesn't want to admit it because she doesn't want to hurt you. In fact, this might actually be the likeliest scenario.


Also I would highly recommend getting her a copy of Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are to help her learn to troubleshoot her own orgasms and become more comfortable with her body, because repression is a bitch and it's really hard to overcome without resources like this.

Um...you are acting as the middle man to help keep the relationship going when it wouldn't be happening otherwise. Whether or not you are trying to "smooth" their relationship, that is effectively what you are doing, smoothing out the bumps so they can have a relationship.

Seriously, bad juju. The set up you have here is not only a disaster happening r: jess and her father (seriously, if you want to stay out of it STAY OUT OF IT and let them work it out (or not) as they choose), but sets a bad precedent. Triangle communication has probably destroyed more poly relationships than outright jealousy. Break the habit now. Good resource: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OGWASCS/

yes, but no.

this is my story
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/feb/08/my-life-in-sex-we-tell-each-other-everything-about-our-sex-with-other-people

no, there is no way to cope. - on your own.
no, there is no way to adjust. - on your own.

there is a chance - a slim one - that you both restart your relationship in a new way.

but if he cheated on you - and now wants a free pass with opening the relationship so everything is fine - then no, that is most likely not going to happen.

read https://www.amazon.com/State-Affairs-Rethinking-Infidelity/dp/0062322583 if you want to read how other couples handled this