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Why should you have to suffer through a completely lame Flash site just to read the 20 douchebag quotes, Reddit?

That's right. You shouldn't. So I'm going to type them all out, because I'm nice. I even corrected some of their spelling, formatting and consistency errors. Let's go.

These are all from The Quotable Douchebag, compiled by Margaret McGuire, © 2009 Quirk Productions, Inc.

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>"The feathered [hair] cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement."

- John Mayer (1977-), American musician, on his '80s haircut



>"[My hair] creates this Tarzanesque, likeable bad-boy image. It says, 'I am a wild child. I will take you on a Harley ride, then make passionate love to you. And should you be attacked by a lion or an idiot at a bar, I will protect you.'"

- Bret Michaels (1963-), American singer and reality TV personality



>"I believe the camera photographs your aura, and it also photographs your heart. And I cast Baywatch that way. I wanted to play around with the format, really tear it to pieces and shake it up. For example, if Mitch saves someone from drowning, and that person then goes out and releases a virus that kills a million people. Imagine the moral implications of that."

- David Hasselhoff (1952-), American actor



>"There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me."

- David Hasselhoff (1952-), American actor



>"I think the Jews need me right now."

- Geraldo Rivera (1943-), American journalist and talk show host, describing his decision to embrace his Jewish heritage



>"Bad weather is like rape. If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it."

- Clayton Williams (1931-), Republican candidate for governor of Texas in 1990



>"I'm aware, as a sane person, that I'm not the best-looking guy in the world. I'm aware of it. But when I go into a party, I will walk out with your girlfriend."

- Gene Simmons (1949-), Israeli-American rock star



>"I stopped painting in 1990 at the peak of my success just to deny people my beautiful paintings; and I did it out of spite."

- Vincent Gallo (1961-), Italian-American actor, director, and producer



>"All men shall be my slaves! All women shall succumb to my charms! All mankind shall grovel at my feet and not know why!"

- L. Ron Hubbard (1911-1986), American sci-fi novelist and founder of Scientology, as quoted by former Scientologist Margery Wakefield



>"These are the prettiest witnesses we have had in a long time. I imagine you are all married. If not, you could be if you wanted to be."

- Strom Thurmond (1902-2003), Republican senator from South Carolina, to a group of feminists testifying before the Senate



>"Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada."

- Tucker Carlson (1969-), American news correspondent and political commentator



>"I went down to [Latin America] to find out from them and [learn] their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries."

- Ronald Reagan (1911-2004), president of the United States



>"My greatest competition is, well, me... I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realise that now."

- Robert Sylvester Kelly, AKA R. Kelly (1967-), American rapper and R&B singer



>"Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through."

- Robert Sylvester Kelly, AKA R. Kelly (1967-), American rapper and R&B singer



>"I love music, and music loves me back. We're kind of married, and I'm pregnant by music."

- Robert Sylvester Kelly, AKA R. Kelly (1967-), American rapper and R&B singer



>"Slavery built the South. I'm not saying we should bring it back; I'm just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark."

- Rush Limbaugh (1951-), American radio host and political commentator



>"I don't like any female comedians. A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world."

- Jerry Lewis (1926-), American comedian



>"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

- Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-), Austrian-American body builder, actor, and politician



>"I'm the Hiroshima of love."

- Sylvester Stallone (1946-), American actor



>"My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a banknote, for two twenties."

- Warren Beatty (1937-), American actor



>"I'm the commander - see, I don't need to explain - I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."

- George W. Bush (1946-), president of the United States



>"Inbreeding is how we get championship horses."

- Carl Gunter (1938-1999), Democratic representative from Louisiana, explaining why he opposed a 1990 anti-abortion bill that allowed abortion in cases of incest



>"I really opened myself up in [my new film] JCVD. I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are. It was like being naked - I would love to be naked in front of you."

- Jean Claude Van Damme (1960-), Belgian martial artist, to Newsweeks's Sarah Ball, in what was supposed to be a formal interview



>"It's semi-frustrating when your name actually becomes a synonym for douchebag."

Peter Wentz (1979-), American musician



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Whew. Hope it was worth it. I think that most of the quotes are brilliant and are worth reading, just not necessarily worth wading through that crappy flash bullshit to get to them.

My favourite is George W. Bush - man, what a douchebag.

I should probably get back to work now.

Yes it is the case with this University.

>And how does the existence of a religious institution equate to an adult daycare?

There are some universities with a religious bent that do a good job, but many of them are made specifically to allow parents to send their kids to a university where none of their beliefs will be challenged, they won't learn about evolution, they'll be coddled, made to sign purity oaths, forced to live on campus all four years, forced to attend church every week etc.

My wife went to one of these universities. Everyone lives on campus, and if you are seen drinking, even if you are 22, even if you aren't on campus, they'll fine you or expel you. Female students are fined or expelled for getting pregnant. Faculty members can even be fired for drinking or saying the wrong thing. My wife went for 4 years and took 1 science course, that course was on the life of einstein and they didn't actually learn any science, it was like a biography class. She also took zero math courses. But she had to take numerous theology, biblical classes, and she was not majoring in theology. This is not what a college education should be like.

As for this University specifically, tell me if this sounds like a place that encourages critical thinking, gives students multiple perspectives, encourages asking questions, etc.

The School has "Four Pillars" that explain their values:

1.The primacy of Jesus Christ as the incarnate Son of God, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, who is the lens for all learning and the Lord of our daily lives.

2.The priority of Scripture as the inerrant and authoritative written Word of God that guides us in all matters of faith, learning, and living.

3.The practice of Wisdom as an objective, attainable reality grounded in the person and example of Jesus Christ and anchored in the Bible.

4.The pursuit of Truth as the goal for all members of the university community, who work to promote healing and wholeness in a broken culture and hurting world.

So tell me, how much questioning, how much pursuit of truth is there when they first declare that Jesus is god, the bible is perfect, and only through Jesus can you be wise?

Oh and they maintain a policy that they won't hire homosexuals, and they will fire anyone who is homosexual. Which should be illegal, but isn't in Oklahoma. The University president has written a couple of books that sound like they were written by Glenn Beck's dumber little brother, he thinks global warming is a liberal hoax, and argues that all liberal ideas inevitably lead to Stalin or Hitler. The school's notablue alumni include the guy that wrote "Heaven is For Real" when his son supposedly had a near death experience (and saw things like Jesus having crucifixion wounds in his palms, which is historically inaccurate).

Schools like these, and there's tons of them, exist because parents want to send their kids to a glorified bible camp that can grant them a degree at the end of it, thus skirting around the evils of real education that might cause them to question their beliefs, and ensure they are surrounded by other students that have taken purity oaths so they won't be having sex or trying alcohol. It's adult day care.

Oklahoma Wesleyan offers a degree in Science Education (as one of their few majors) specifically because they want to pump out shitty science teachers who will be conscientious objectors when it comes to teaching evolution in schools. They have only one professor of biology, and his personal page on the school website tells you just what kind of a biology education you'll get from him:

>Mission & Passion

>I am a bond-servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, and feel that it is a privilege and a great responsibility to help students learn more about the world of biology and assist students become one with God as Christ is one with God. My passion is to not only help students master the courses I am privileged to teach, but also help each student understand how the Scriptures integrate into every aspect of Biology. It is a privilege to assist students to accomplish the great tasks that God has planned for them.

>I have been studying the Life of the Jesus Christ in detail for over 15 years. I am in the process of memorizing the Book of Matthew. I first memorized the great Sermon on the Mount, Matthew chapters 5, 6, and 7, and it has greatly affected my life, for the glory of God.

Try to tell me this is a place that isn't brainwashing their students.

This article is bullshit!!! bury it now before it discourages more people from growing their own food.

I am a sustainability designer, working with communities, individuals, farms, and family homes. This field of work is my life, my passion.

aquaponics can be scaled from commercial to home, and even apartment or rooftop. It produces 50 times the amount of protein than beef, and twice or more green produce. We have built them for family use from scratch for less than $2000.

All you can produce on a 1/4 acre yes, its a book. which we use in consultancies, you can produce much more than a family can consume, and have a surplus.

Here is my friends property in Australia. well well documented and still running.

dont gimme this negative bullshit encouraging people not to grow their own food.

If this isnt enough proof. feel free to rant and i can provide much much more information. but im going out back to my garden. peace.

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Edit, before i leave, let me stress again. you can feed yourself and another with a aquaponics system you can easily build yourself within a day or two for less than two grand. Organically, nutrient/mineral dense food forever ... for-ever <----- this is what sustainable means.
And if you can afford some panels and a battery for you pump, you can pretty much run it as zero cost. forever, providing you and your family food, forever.

Edit 2, if you want another well explained tidbit on aquaponics, heres a TEDtalk on the topic. this is different from what youve seen throughout your life. prepare to be amazed at what natural systems + design science can accomplish.

Get some sodium citrate and use this recipe for silky mac and cheese.

It is slightly harder than Kraft and dirties a few more dishes, but infinitely better and more fun as you can choose the cheese. My favorite is to use a white sharp cheddar cheese and smoked gouda.

Fun times can also be had by using pepperjack cheese and cheddar to basically make fresh nacho cheese sauce. If you're spice head you can use habeñero-jack.

EDIT: I forgot the best part of this cheese sauce. It actually reheats perfectly! You can make a batch of the sauce ahead of time and use it for several days afterwards so you just have boil pasta and add the previously made sauce.

check out Wendal his cat and the progress of man

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wendal,_His_Cat,_and_the_Progress_of_Man

you can find it used or new under 10 bucks. great read as a nice "little" book.

I'm also a fan of Johnathan Livingston Seagull - same kind of format, similar kind of mystical tale:
http://www.amazon.com/Jonathan-Livingston-Seagull-Richard-Bach/dp/0743278909/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301457290&sr=1-1

and for a great one to share with a loved one -- Nick Bantock's Griffin and Sabine series is outstanding:

http://www.amazon.com/Griffin-Sabine-Correspondence-Nick-Bantock/dp/0877017883/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1301457347&sr=1-1

>John of God will seat a subject for his "visible surgery" stunt and apparently scrape the eyeball of the patient with the edge of a knife. I believe that this is a variation of the usual trick — illustrated on page 177 of my book, "Flim-Flam!" — in which a knife-blade is inserted under the eyelid of a subject with little or no resulting discomfort. With the Brazilian faker, the "scraping" motion gives it a much more fearsome aspect, but for several good reasons I doubt that any contact takes place with the cornea.
>
>The sclera — the white section of the eye — is relatively insensitive to touch. Try touching that area with a finger or any clean object, and you'll see this is true. The cornea, however, is very sensitive — among the most sensitive areas of the body. Incidentally, it's also the fastest-healing organ, which accords very well with Darwinian standards; being able to see is one of our very best sensory means of defense.
>
>Most persons — and I'm one of them — have a difficult time watching the eye being touched. We tend to empathize with the situation, and I'm sure that some readers are at this moment involuntarily squinting in distaste as they read these words; we're that reactive to eyeball-touching. Few persons will resist looking away when John of God seems to scrape an eyeball, and I note that he's furtively watching the position of the camera as he performs this stunt, blocking the view with his body when a close-up is sought.
>
>There's also the distinct possiblity here that John of God introduces a temporary local anaesthetic — benzocaine would work — onto the eye surface, which would allow contact with the cornea. We don't know, though we could have found out....
>
>In any case, unless an anaesthetic has been introduced, it is impossible for this man to be touching the cornea of a human eye as he appears to do, without causing immediate involuntary flinching from the patient. The JREF will stake its million-dollar prize on that statement.

Reference -
From James Randi's commentary on John of God's modus operandi. James Randi is a professional magician and scientific skeptic who has offered a One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge to anyone who can demonstrate a supernatural ability under agreed-upon scientific testing criteria. He has written a book Flim-Flam! Psychics, ESP, Unicorns, and Other Delusions about such fakery.

It's an interesting and thought provoking piece.

But I don't buy it.

Sweden: Ever the archetypical socialist state, provides free healthcare, ample child support, and free education from age 1 to 20. Its fertility rate is below replacement at 1.67 children/woman.

The Congo: War torn and poor. Extremely limited rule of law. Here there are no social institutions holding a man to his child, yet the fertility rate is a blistering 6.28 children/woman.

Here's a relavent quote from author James Martin:
> There are four stages in the evolution of the role of women that relate to fertility rate: First, when women learn to read and have birth control methods, the fertility rate declines. Second, when women have jobs, the fertility rate drops further. Third, when they become "liberated," it goes down further. Fourth, when women become ambitious and aspire to the most impressive jobs in a society, the fertility rate falls to well below the replacement rate.

The take-away from this is that the way to decrease fertility rates is to increase the education and opportunities of women. When one is highly educated and ambitious - a baby represents a massive opportunity cost.

Basically, I think the author is approaching this problem from the wrong end. The tail wagging the dog, if you will. While his opinions have a certain Darwinian charm, I have the feeling that in practice, it would amount to an effective reduction in the rights of, support for, and social status of poor women. And as such (taking into account the evidence of the world) it would end up having the opposite of the intended effect.

From the description:

>WHAT EVERY MAN THINKS ABOUT APART FROM SEX (blank inside) is a two hundred page book and every page is totally blank. The front and back cover are realistic representations of a self-help pseudo-psychology book. This book contains no words inside whatsoever - just two hundred blank pages. This book is a humorous talking point and can also be used very effectively as a notebook... The back cover reads: For millennia, humans have marvelled at the difference between men and women. It's widely known that the female gender is far superior to men in most areas - emotionally, cognitively and socially. But, to date, the complex secrets of a man's mind have eluded science. Apart from 'sex', what does a man actually think about? In this groundbreaking book, Professor Shed Simove, reveals the true depth of a man's mind. After years of painstaking research, he has precisely identified what men actually think about apart from sex. Professor Simove beautifully reveals a man's mind as an open book and the result unlocks an age old secret... Take a look inside - you'll be amazed at how accurate and shocking the truth is... This book is brought to you by Sheridan 'Shed' Simove, performer, author of 'Ideas Man' (which has words in it), and novelty gift entrepreneur.

In other words, it's marketed as a novelty item.

It so rare to find someone on reddit who is open to at least learning about a new idea. :)

If you want to learn more you can check out the FairTax.org website. There was also a book and a follow-up book written about it. Finally, you can check out the actual text of the proposed House bill.

Is the plan perfect? Nope, but there are no perfect plans when people are involved. I just think its better what we have right now and its the best idea I've seen to replace the current system.

UMMMMM kay.. ok so I'm an idiot.. so i dont get it.. went right over my head..it was early am and no coffee.
I guess you mean just teh name "chamber of secrets"
sorry if i thought it might had been something real.
and dint find the idea of an imaginary product called the "chamber of secrets" as funny as a very real vibrating broom stick.
at any rate it helps if your not a douchebag and just explain your joke.

ok for a real product.. if you want to make boys smile.
get them a sockem bopper.. the only difference between this an a blow up sheep.. is the shape.


sorry if i find this very real product funnier than some inside joke about how 'chamber of secrets" can be a double entendre for pussy.

If you enjoyed this story, Pat Jordan wrote a great book about his short, troubled baseball career. If you are interested in baseball at all it, is a terrific read, if not, it is still a great story about growing up in strange and challenging circumstances. The book is called A False Spring.

I work in a kitchen and I prefer stamped knives for basic prep stuff, because they are lighter, fatigue your hand less and you can work fast with them. Forged knives definitely have more heft to them and better balance, so they work well for cuts where you roll the blade down front to back and more heavy duty cutting, like meat. I use one of these in the kitchen, it's cheap and woks great, we have a sharpening stone and it's easy to get any knife razor sharp.

My personal favorite review: the Blitz 11849 Dispos-Oil. It's a jug for used oil. I quote the review below:

>I have always tried to save money. I buy the cheapest oil and filter for the family vehicles, and I always change it myself. However, I started experiencing the ill effects that all people must deal with from being a "home mechanic", the inevitable dead spots of grass in the backyard.
>
>After some time, the 40-50 qts a year being dumped into the backyard starts to take its toll. I noticed less wildlife, the well water was starting to have an icky taste, and I accidentally started the dirt on fire when my lawn mower hit a rock and made sparks.
>
>I had enough, and I wanted to start helping the environment.
>
>I purchased 24 blitz oil containers from amazon, and I could not be more happy. They are easy to bury, and look great in the ground.
>
>Now to my review of the product:
>
>It is sturdy and lightweight, something I look for in underground burial containers. It easily holds the rated 12 qts of oil, and doesn't appear to leak.
>
>Why not 5 stars?? My only complaint is the width of the product. If blitz would have made it slightly shorter, but also fatter, it would be much easier to put in the ground. I currently have to dig a 22" deep hole which seems kind of silly to me. I have also busted a cap when I was back filling around the container. Blitz should have thought ahead with this design and realized that shovel to cap contact would happen for most people.
>
>I do suggest this for the "tree huggers" and "greenies" out there, as it will make you feel like you're really doing something good for the earth.

You should probably not read any of what's written below.

I'm fairly new here, but I've been on the internet for a long time. That's nothing. There are photos floating around of things you do not want to imagine. These might help for the morbidly curious: screwworms, necrosis, impaction, botched...

But few things compare to the human imagination itself. [Justine] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justine_(Sade) and Infinite Jest have some particularly chilling passages.

One passage stood out to me in which a crack-addicted mother's withdrawals and denial causes her to carry her miscarried child about town in the heat of summer, wrapped in a blanket, still attached to her through its impacted placenta and rotting afterbirth, as she sinks into delirium and what's left of her child is consumed by insects in her arms.

HP Lovecraft ain't got shit on David Foster Wallace. Don't get me wrong though, it's also a very funny book. When he writes about Incarnations of Burned Children you get exactly what it says on the tin.

Jumping aboard your "these-ideas-are-terrible" train:

\2. Magnetic Dumbell - Also the thing about magnets is that force between them decreases exponentially with distance. So instead of working like a Bowflex, it's be more like trying to pull two magnets apart: really hard when touching, then almost instantly effortless once they come apart. (Also yes, power source would be a huge issue).

\11. Expandable Power Strip - This is a HUGE fire hazard. You're already not supposed to daisy-chain power strips; imagine if you made a product that enabled (and seemingly encouraged) doing that infinitely.

\17. MagLev Couch - Not to mention who'd want a huge fucking magnet in their living room? Any magnet big enough to levitate a person would also be powerful enough to attract anything ferroreactive up to that same weight.

\18. Extension Cord Tape - Flat extension cords already exist, but they're much more expensive. Adding adhesive to them makes them 1-time use, so even MORE expensive.

\20. Chalk Thing - Does anyone honestly think that the amount of chalk dust reclaimable from a chalkboard would be able to make anything bigger than a little puck?

may god have mercy on your colon

> In fact, in the seventies, a blank book called Everything Men Know About Women was released, to some acclaim. Fascinatingly, this book has been for sale ever since. So, when I released my blank book, that previous one was for already sale, and still is. So, why hadn’t that title recently become a worldwide phenomenon like mine did? Because, crucially, I marketed mine in ways that had not been used before – and we just shouted louder.

It had, you pompous little twit. You ripped it off almost to the letter (no pun indented, Reddit) and were able to exploit modern day PR marketing. I am not impressed.

Plus, your book's down to [9,010 in the Amazon rankings]http://www.amazon.com/Every-Thinks-About-Apart-Inside/dp/0956827810/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1302622549&sr=8-1). It's a flash in the pan.

Reminds me a lot of this