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Most governments (for sure in Ontario) have programs to provide information and get you as prepared as you're going to be.

I just sent a detailed email to a friend of mine that is expecting as well and was in the same boat as you. Some of the stuff you probably haven't thought about yet, so take what I say below at face value.

Also, to all in the thread, the obvious disclaimer - these are my opinions. You might not agree with them. Also, my email was based on living in Toronto, but you can change to meet your situation


a) To start, there are a multitude of books available, as well as websites. Not to mention that I'm sure you'll be hearing stuff from friends and family. I've found it best to just filter all of that. I read only one book while my wife was pregnant, and that's because it was a good read - http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Meets-World-Smile-Toddle/dp/0312591349 (it's available at Toronto Library, so no need to buy it).

This book is also a pretty good guide - http://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547 (again, also at TPL)

Here's what I found with books - Most of them have the same tone when it comes to men - "Dude, no more going out to party, and since you're stupid as hell, here are the basics"

So don't spend too much time reading 1,000,000 different books - it will be repetitive.


b) My wife and I took the prenatal courses at St. Joseph's Hospital. They helped because I learned a lot, and they were great information. Definitely helped put my mind at ease because I really knew nothing about raising a child.


c) Stroller / Car Seat. This is a toughie. Scenarios as follows:

i) Buy a travel system. This is for convenience. It's an infant seat & stroller in one package. You take the infant seat out (with the baby in it) and it locks directly into the stroller. Easy transport, no fuss. Downside - infant seats are only good until they're 6 months old. Then you have to buy another car seat.

ii) Buy the stroller and infant seat separately. Doesn't really make sense to do this, but it's an option.

iii) Buy the stroller and a convertible car seat separately (this is what we did). A convertible car seat covers from 5lb to 70lb, so basically the entire time the child needs a car seat. The downfall with this compared to a travel system is that you have to take your child out of the car seat to bring into the house / put into the stroller / etc. If (s)he's sleeping, there's a chance they'll wake up.

We also bought baby carriers (Ergo Baby, Mobi Wrap) because we live right downtown, so walking around with a baby / taking the TTC with a baby is easier when they're strapped to you.


d) Clothes. Don't spend too much on clothes. There are outfits that cost far too much, and they grow so quick that the item of clothes is only used for 3 - 4 weeks. Plus it's the typical baby shower gift, so expect to get a bunch of clothes.


e) Feeding - know that it will be hard, whatever avenue your wife goes down. Just know that whatever she chooses, you need to support her and remind her to stick through it because whether it's formula or breast, it's hard. (if you don't know, they have milk / formula exclusively until 6 months)

My wife is a big fan of the Boppy pillow. Just one of many items out there. We also got a Pashmama, which is a cover for when my wife wants to feed in public.


f) Sleeping - I made the mistake of buying a crib right away, and I set it up and everything, only to have my wife decide that she wanted a bassinet, and also that she wanted our daughter to co-sleep. You will need a crib, just discuss with your wife what set up you want before you run out and buy one.


g) To elaborate on point F, the same applies for all other baby items. We have a bouncer, a crib, a bassinet, a play pad, and some toys. My appt is suddenly feeling very very small. While my daughter uses most of the items (still doesn't use the crib), I probably didn't have to buy everything at once.


h) Diapers. In our experience, Pampers Swaddlers have been the best. You will have leaks / blowouts / messes, and from there you'll determine what works best for your baby. A good price on diapers is $0.14 - 0.18 / diaper. Amazon.ca now has Amazon Family - http://www.amazon.ca/gp/family/signup/
It's a great service once you find out which diapers work best for you.


The rest of the stuff you'll learn along the way.
You need a diaper bag. Spit rags are essential. If the child's fingers are too small to cut his / her nails, you can file them down. Burp the baby after they eat (note: do this even if they fall asleep). Introduce pacifiers later on in life if breast feeding to avoid "nipple confusion". Etc. Etc.


There are so many things that you can't possibly learn from a book, and every baby is different, so the rest of the stuff you'll learn as you go along.



In the end - congrats and have fun!

My daughter was born almost 11 months ago.

I felt the same anxiety - trepidation - dread that you're going through right now. Your fiancee might be feeling similarly but worried about talking about it - or she might have times where she will feel that way. It's normal to be that worried. Before this, you really only had to worry about you - for the most part. of course, I'm sure you and your partner take care of each other but ultimately you are both adults capable of independence. Now you're going to be responsible for a new human that's tiny, extremely vulnerable, and it is up to you and your fiancee to keep the human alive and healthy. After several months they'll get older and then they'll get older again. each time they get a little stronger or more physically capable, they'll have new ways that they will accidentally almost kill themselves, and you need to not let that happen. Of course that's terrifying.

But it's amazing. Sign up and go to some birth classes with your partner. Not everything was obvious but a lot of it will come to you when your baby does. You'll quickly become comfortable with holding a baby. You'll have a lot of practice in changing diapers, wrapping swaddles, etc. and it will get easier. If you feel like you are really worried, don't be afraid of finding a therapist to talk to it about. During the pregnancy, try to prepare everything to be ready about two weeks earlier than you might need it, just in case you end up giving birth early. Remember to enjoy these last few months of childlessness (and to forgive easily). Obviously your fiancee can't drink or go to smokey bars, but it's about to get a lot more difficult to go to a movie, or dinner, or really anywhere without planning it in advance.

Will everything work out? It'll be good enough. You probably won't feel like you have enough money, or enough time, or enough sleep. But it'll work out.

Here's a couple other tips if you want something specific:

• Here is a great book for dads-to-be. This helped me learn a lot. It's one of the only books for made specifically for "pregnant dads" that is this thorough and isn't effectively a joke book.
  
• It is definitely worth going to one of those birthing classes. Ours was 5 or 6 weeks - one 90-minute class each week.
  
• If your lady is getting morning sickness, maybe set her up with a sick-bag or two - I made two for my wife (one for her car, one for her desk at work). It included some crackers and a couple other simple snacks, a few barf bags (a couple trash bags and if you really want to be fancy, these barf bags are nice), some mints and gum, a bottle of water, and a couple hair bands to tie her hair up. The bag was something like this one but i'm sure you can find others that would work fine.
  
• Don't forget to take time to enjoy each other. I'm not necessarily talking about sex, since that might not be something you're both interested in now. It could be cuddling or whatever, but it could also just be going on dates, having a nice dinner together, etc. Before the kid and after the kid is born, don't forget to at least pause life for a couple minutes and appreciate each other.
  
• If you're in the US and near a Costco or Sam's Club - and you aren't already a member - strongly consider membership. The money you'll save on diapers, wipes, and formula (as needed) will make up for the cost of the membership pretty quickly.

I'll try to answer as many of these as best I can from the other side (just had our son in July).

1. My understanding is that at home pregnancy tests are fairly reliable. It's unlikely it's a false positive but you'll know for sure tomorrow.
   
   
2. It is normal to be both nervous and excited. My wife and I had planned to try for our son for a while before we started and when we got the confirmation I was both thrilled and incredibly nervous. It's a big change so it's totally normal to have some concerns. But it's a really great change as well.
   
   
3. As to questions at the doctor, we mostly asked about what the steps are from the doctor's perspective for going through the pregnancy. The Bump has a list of questions to ask at your first prenatal visit here that you can use as a guide to start if you want but depending on how early it is there may not be a ton of information for you at this point. You'll have plenty of time to ask extra questions at future visits too. I'd recommend starting a Google Doc with any questions you think up randomly so you'll have them all somewhere when you go to the doctor. As far as planning for a baby, for me just learning about the process of pregnancy was a good place to start. You'll need to look at finances, sleeping arrangements and other stuff too at some point but a good first place to start for me was what's going to be potentially happening for the next 9 months. I found The Birth Partner and The Expectant Father to be great resources for me to understand what was happening and how I could help.
   
   
4. Whatever you're feeling is appropriate. It's totally ok to be nervous but you don't need to freak out too much. You'll be able to handle whatever comes your way on this. The fact that your already reaching out for info is a good sign you'll be able to figure out what you need when you need.
   
   Congrats!

Almost done reading "Brain Rules for Baby", and have really enjoyed it so far. Covers the babies brain development from in the womb and how the mother's diet, stress, etc. effect it all the way to the best way to physiologically teach and help develop you child's mind in the first few years.

http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0983263302

You’ll learn:

• Where nature ends and nurture begins
  
  
• Why men should do more household chores
  
  
• What you do when emotions run hot affects how your baby turns out, because babies need to feel safe
  above all
  
  
• TV is harmful for children under 2
  
  
• Your child’s ability to relate to others predicts her future math performance
  
  
• Smart and happy are inseparable. Pursuing your child’s intellectual success at the expense of his happiness achieves neither
  
  
• Praising effort is better than praising intelligence
  
  
• The best predictor of academic performance is not IQ. It’s self-control
  
  
• What you do right now—before pregnancy, during pregnancy, and through the first five years—will affect your children for the rest of their lives.
  
  

Take some of the courses at your hospital once you get to the 3rd trimester. Go with the a la carte method for ones that interest you rather than doing them all. Seriously, between lurking here and related subs, books people give you, family members, complete strangers, alpha parent friends, etc you'll feel like you have information overload. Most of the how to stuff like feeding, changing, and washing are easy with practice. The less obvious stuff has to do with safety - whoever helps you with your car seat install and nurses are both great resources on these issues.

I've been reading [Baby Meets World] (http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Meets-World-Smile-Toddle/dp/0312591349) which is an examination of current and historical child rearing trends in the context of infant development. This helped me gain some perspective on all the info I got. This is not a how to book, more of a what happens and why kind of read

My experience and many others here during the expecting time is a confusing cocktail of emotions ranging from pride, love, fear, anxiety, frustration and bliss. Talk with your partner about all of it - she probably feels the same way. This sub is great for asking questions and venting too.

Congrats and good luck!

I got gilded for this comment two weeks ago, so perhaps it is worthy of a copypasta:

> I am new to the club these days as well. Aside from the ones that are often mentioned there are a few others that I found in the library that have given me food for thought, or my wife and I a laugh.

>(Pacifi)her has been wonderful. Despite the the title and the subtitle, this book seems to address a lot of important issues in a way that is cognizant of not being demeaning to either gender - for the most part. Great read, and totally different from all the other books you will read - more meta?

>Show Dad How and the sister book Show Mom How. Brings the feel of Ikea instructions to short comic strip like instructions on how to tackle any problems that might come an expecting or new dad's way. My wife and I have busted our sides looking over these books. We will purchase them when I have to give them back to the library.

>Man's Guide to Having a Baby. This has short sections that are easy to read, and has cute illustrations to keep the mood light. The information is all there, but the book can occasionally takes a bit of a bro-ish tone (that I have found in some books and bothers me since I find it insulting to both men and women).

>The Pregnant Body Book by DK Publishers (think all those kids' illustrated resource books). This is full of information and amazing visuals. My wife and I love that it is more of a coffee table book we can enjoy together. Probably expensive, so check your local library.

>Those are the ones that made the cut for me. I have started and skimmed through about twice as many, but the others (save the usual mentioned here) had nothing new to offer, or had an insulting tone.

>Perhaps the big idea is use the library. Find the books you like, and either go buy them or just keep renewing them. Save some money, spend a bit of time, find the resources that work for you.


Looks like you are already using the library (good choice), so hopefully some of these titles are around.

Of course you should know the ins and outs and whys. Is anything stopping you from doing your own research? You shouldn’t trust your medical professional blindly, nor should you write off his/her advice without doing your own research. This book is great for that: Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong-and What You Really Need to Know https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143125702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_XeC8Ab45EKKE1 written by a data analyst who had the same questions you do.

Some risk assessment is valid to protect mom, some is to protect the baby, some is overblown, and some is to protect the care provider. None of it is intended to “police your fun” which was my main point in responding. The job of the midwife has zero concern about your fun, changing your attitude about that could help your outlook on the whole pregnancy.

Congratulations :D

I was referred to the book The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin (http://www.amazon.com/The-Birth-Partner-Childbirth-Companions/dp/155832819X) which is, as far as I can tell, completely devoid of humor.

It is mostly focused on assisting your partner in pregnancy and birth (like explaining what she might be thinking/feeling and what you might be thinking/feeling at various points in pregnancy and labor), and also provides a lot of information for prepping for having a newborn at home, like lists of supplies that are necessary.

It also has a bias towards natural birth and home birth, and against "medicalized birth", but that's easy enough to ignore in favor of the wealth of other information it offers.

Best of luck!

We are on almost the exact same timeline (ahead 1 week) and also having a girl. I too have a younger brother, but honestly anytime I ever imagined having a child it was a girl so I feel like im subconsciously prepared for it. I was more fearful about having a boy!

I would recommend checking out this baby book I got recently which helped put my mind at ease for the infant stage. It reads like an instruction manual and has some good humor in it. Better than any of the other books ive read, and yes it covers wiping, burping, swaddling, etc.

All in all though, i wouldnt stress about the sex. It's going to be a wild ride regardless!

Yeah, some of the other subreddits have links to parenting resources, although at a quick glance I did not see anything specifically related to baby proofing, so my bad on that.

I thought the book Be Prepared, A Practical Handbook for New Dads was pretty useful, and it has a good amount of helpful information about what to do before and after the baby arrives through the first year. It's easy to read, with some good humor. Hope that helps.

Just had our first. We don't live near family, but leaned on friends a lot. When someone asks you if you need help, say yes and give them a task. For me getting people to make meals helped a TON.

Also about there not being any resources for men, grab The Expectant Father. It discusses some of the exact issues you're dealing with.

Good luck and stay strong 👊

You're not alone. My wife isn't nearly that far along yet but in A Man's Guide to Newborn Babies, /u/lifecharger talks about the importance of trying to keep your wife from those horror stores because they just make her worry and don't actually help with anything.

I know that my wife has already freaked herself out by googling some symptoms. My best remedy was to pull out some trusted books (mainly What to Expect) and look up the symptoms with her to see what it recommended doing. She trusted the book enough to stop searching Dr. Google and do what it recommended. Maybe a similar approach could help to calm her (and you) down.

Good luck!

As far as being super simple to operate the Baby Jogger's are near the top of the list. The non modular ones have a strap in the seat that you pull up on and it folds in 1/2. The modular ones have push buttons on the hinge. We have a couple of stores near us that carry the majority of the line, so both grandmas have gotten to take a look at them. Both have signed off on them being "grandma friendly" if that tells you anything about their ease of use.

They're not the beasts, as far as weight goes, that the all in one systems are, but they don't feel as flimsy as an umbrella stroller either. What sealed them for me was being down the aisle looking at something else and turning around to watch my wife pull one down off the chest high riser. I can't argue if Mom and the Grandmas think they can manage not only the stroller but getting it in and out of the car on their own.

One of the most invaluable resources I've found for gear questions like this is Baby Bargains it's a great jumping off point for the essential gear. They break down most manufacturers and their models, and give you a great head start on what you'll find when you go shopping for x. We haven't upgraded to the '13 edition, but I can't recommend the '11 version highly enough.

We've had a couple of scares already, made more poignant and terrifying after suffering a miscarriage earlier this year at the 7-week stage, but having made it through to 13 weeks now, we're feeling a lot more confident that everything's going to be ok.

This is our first child, so it's all new and exciting for us. I've already got a list of things to do to our flat, and will be getting my DIY hat on for the next few months. Plus actually buying a car, as we'll now need one of those (we live in London and don't currently have any use for one), as well as a million other things.

I've been reading my baby book (this one) religiously, and it's actually been a big help in figuring out that what she's going through isn't quite as unique as I had thought. Reading through various posts here, I'm glad to see that there's loads of us in the same boat too!

1. Don't panic.
   
   
2. This book was excellent for me as a gift from the inlaws.
   
   
3. Sign up for free samples of baby stuff and you'll get great coupons for diapers and wipes and stuff.
   
   
4. Congrats!

I'm also a researcher in my professional life and I found just reading a few books and taking a class was the best way to get my basic knowledge of parenting. I like to keep The Baby's Owner Manual around as a nice reference. After that I talk to parents online and in person about parenting, asking questions here and elsewhere as things came up. There are so many products advertised as essential for kids that it can be useful to get feedback from other parents.

I've probably spent the most time researching medications and ingredients in various products. It seems like many things like gas drops or teething soothing medicines fall under homeopathic medicines.

Grats!

We're in our 17th week, so I'm right there with you. I picked up all 3 of these from a local used book store, and I like to read at the same pace as the pregnancy is going because these first 2 are broken up by month.

For you, there's The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be. Good book from the father's perspective. Covers the often overlooked male emotional issues that you may go through.

For both of you, there's the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. Covers a lot of medical and physical issues she'll be going through. Almost like a school textbook, but a good one.

And if you're into geeky and funny, there's The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance. There is some good tips here, but it is humor first and informational second.

We just picked up Baby Bargains by Denise and Alan Fields. It seems really helpful - lots of product guides, reviews, and suggestions for first time parents. Again, we just picked it up today so take this for what it's worth, but I'm happy we did and already feel like we've gotten our money's worth.

Edit to add I've heard good things about Experimenting with Babies and Be Prepared, but I haven't looked closely at either one.

Yeah -- prices can be pretty crazy. My wife has been reading Baby Bargains (http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-furniture-strollers-maternity/dp/1889392448/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1407371517&sr=8-1), which has been really helpful in trying to save some money but still get quality stuff.

I'm in Boston, so it is still relatively cold/snowy -- not quite the North Pole!! Best of luck with everything!

The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year. So I haven't read a whole lot of this book yet, but from what I've read so far I really enjoy it. It mixes in some humor with a lot of great information. I saw it recommended in another thread on /r/predaddit and decided to purchase it.

Congrats! This is a good book for you for the next 7.5 months. It is not so much about what to do with a new baby, but I found it an easy and someone useful info for being a good partner in pregnancy.

Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad!

I'm a big fan of this book,
http://www.amazon.ca/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547

Seems to be written for dads, without any of the semi condescending attitude that some writers/bloggers would have regarding the male portion of the equation.

I'm about 7 weeks away... and the wife and I are doing good. There are lots of opinions you're about to hear and yours probably won't hold any weight (because.. you're not a parent.. what would you know :P :P) but taker easy, think with common sense, ask questions and you'll be good. Congrats!

A couple of books were really helpful for my wife and I. Namely: The Wonder Weeks and The Happiest Baby on the Block. They help get into your kid's head and understand how he's growing, learning, changing. Also really helpful for encouraging and enriching his life. I still refer to the first one now and then, and Felix is a full-blown toddler.

But really? No one knows what they're doing when it comes to parenting. Books and classes and things can help, but your best teacher on how to be a dad is going to be your kid. Every child is different, and when yours arrives you will learn everything about being a parent from him or her.

Oh, and PS? You will worry about every hiccup and every cough and when your child is finally asleep you will be checking every five minutes to make sure they are still breathing. It's all part of parenthood!

nah man, dont worry about it. breath, it will come, your daughter's energy will tell you. just don't let family influence you and your wife.

focus on the birth, everything else kind of falls into place.

if they have birthing classes there, go. try to get as prepared as possible. write the birth plan together even if it goes out the window.


my wife bought me this book. I quite enjoyed it.

ladies, please stop reading here.

for the men, birth is a real shitty, really worrying camping trip, take a ton snacks (both salty and sweet, things that are easy to eat) take drinks (lots of water and isotonics) .

scout the area, is there a place where you can go buy her fresh coffee, some pastry and other things she may like near by ?

prepare to be hot , cold , cramped and uncomfortable through the process.

but its about her(and the little her) remember that and it will all be worth it in the end.

good luck buddy.

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My wife and I looked at Mayo Clinic's Guide to healthy pregnancy. It was neat to look up what was going on on the given week. We also took a trip to Babies R' Us early on to get an appreciation of what we'll need, what we'll want, and how much everything will cost.

For after the baby comes out: The Happiest Baby on the Block and Mayo Clinic's Guide to Your Baby's First Year, also.

Be Prepared

Father of 8 month old here. This book is great because it's super concise, easy to understand, and funny. Perfect for the bathroom. It touches on the most important basics only - some of those other massive baby books are just too much - you get lost in them and they making taking care of a baby seem much harder than it really is. Not that it's easy, but it's WAY easier than I was lead to believe.

Decent book. Also check out this one. Seems goofy but was super fact heavy and spoke to me in a language i both found humorous and easy to read.

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978

We went with Amazon. I think most importantly, buy and use the baby bargain book. It's updated every year , which is why I recommend buying it over borrowing it from a friend. What I particularly liked in the book is that they tell you what the must haves are and what crap you think you need that you actually don't (like baby wipe warmer and such). It also gives comprehensive reviews of items based on your budget.

A fun lighthearted parenting book for men, Be Prepared.

And another, Show Dad How.


Oh and, congratulations :)

I was planning on getting her a card and a gift from the baby, we are due in June, so maybe something about how he can't wait to meet her.

I don't usually get my wife jewelry, but I got her this a few months ago: http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Silver-Mother-Pendant-Necklace/dp/B001ULD9YC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1397491668&sr=8-2

Figured Mother's day would be a good time to give it to her.

Hope that helps!

Small gift,


The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594745978/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_05qnDbJA78KJJ


A cool gift could be his own diaper bag even. Maybe something nice leather with a monogram. Just my two cents, but having a second diaper bag for my card would be nice and easy rather than having to switch back and forth between cars.


Or something that can keep him busy while baby is sleeping and you are napping.

Give The Birth Partner a read. It was pretty helpful to me. My wife planned to go med-free, but ultimately mid-labor decided to go with the epidural.

Try to pay close attention to her needs. Make sure you always have water (or ice chips, if she ends up having an epidural) close at hand and give them to her every so often. My wife vomited with every contraction, so I also made sure the puke-bucket was close by so I could hand it to her when she needed it. Make sure you know how to get in contact with the nursing staff for her if she needs something.

If she is planning to go med-free, you should discuss ahead of time how she wants you to react if she, in the pains of labor, changes her mind and says she wants something for the pain. Does she want you to be her rock and re-assure her that she can get through it without medicine? Does she want to establish a "safe word" that she can use when she REALLY has changed her mind and doesn't want you to push back?

Right there with ya, man. A lot of the fear I had was washed away seeing how happy and excited everyone was. Got any good books to recommend? This is my first one so far, and it’s been a great read so far. Made me feel a little less alone in this bat shit crazy adventure!

The numbers are Weeks and Days. So 38 + 2 would be 38 weeks + 2 days.

As for resources, I just Googled a lot. Granted, it's the internet so who knows, but it's not a bad place to start.

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting-ebook/dp/B009U9S6D0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539721229&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+user+manual

Is also a lot of fun. :)

​

​

Congratulations!
When I found out, my sister sent me these two books, both of which I found very useful. The first one is a general guide for dads-to-be, the second one focuses on "birth partners", which can be very useful depending on how much of a role you plan on playing in the actual delivery.

The Expectant Father

The Birth Partner

The expectant father is a great book. My husband loves it, and even I read it from time to time. There is also a follow up to this one about what to expect in the first months that is quite good.

The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be https://www.amazon.de/dp/0789212137/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_II3tzbYYEP7KW

This book is amazing. It's helped me understand what my wife is going through, and how to handle situations.

Also, I don't know if you've done the ultrasound, but find a hospital that has classes. The classes should help you feel more comfortable.

> If any of you have any advice, books, or any information that you wish you would have known prior to becoming a father, please post!

Don't worry about being a first time father, the kid is a baby for the first time, so you're both learning on the job! :-)

I enjoyed reading this book prior to the arrival of my first kiddo: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978

I used "dude, your going to be a dad!"

It's not a huge book and actually a pretty fun read with an overview of what's going on. Think of it as supplemental. Some good tips as well.

Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!: How to Get (Both of You) Through the Next 9 Months https://www.amazon.com/dp/1440505365/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_kMfNzb5YTJK4Q

I just got The Expectant Father. It's very similar to the what to expect books I guess, but has useful content for dads. I've found it a great way to follow along the pregnancy.

For books, I've been enjoying:

1. She's having a baby, I'm having a breakdown
   
   
2. Dad's Pregnant Too
   
   
3. The Dumb White Husband's Guide to Babies
   
   I have not enjoyed The Expectant Father, because I feel it goes into too many details about what can go wrong, and frankly, I don't want to read that unless I need to.
   
   The first three listed books are light hearted and easy to read, and provide lots of useful information.
   
   The best tip I can offer, which I got out of one of the books is to write your wife a note every week. I write a couple paragraphs talking about how the last week went for us, and then talk about the little things she does for me that will make her a great mom (such as making me coffee in the the morning even though she doesn't drink it). Yes, I realize she won't make coffee for the baby, but she will do things for him/her even if she doesn't like it, to make them happy.

Congrats!

I had to tell my coworkers so that I didn't go crazy from not telling anyone else. I would read some books about becoming a father and what she is going through right now. I started to read a book called the The Expectant Father.

My wife and I are both 28 with our first kid on the way. When my wife first told me we took alot of tests and even went to urgent care on fathers day just to make sure. I was shocked and in disbelief. It took a few weeks and visits to the doctor to make it feel real. If you want to talk or anything feel free to shoot me a PM.

I'm currently reading Happiest Baby on the Block (really good but a little condescending) and Be Prepared I really like that one, as it's practical, useful info aimed at guys, not condescending and not preachy.

I'd also recommend The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance and the Caring for Your Baby and Young Child book by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Oh... and Happiest Baby on the Block. I didn't read it... we watched the video instead. Really good advice for calming newborns.

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

Amazon Smile Link: http://smile.amazon.com/Sterling-Silver-Mother-Pendant-Necklace/dp/B001ULD9YC/ref=sr_1_2


|Country|Link|Charity Links|
|:-----------|:------------|:------------|
|USA|smile.amazon.com|EFF|




To help add charity links, please have a look at this thread.

This bot is currently in testing so let me know what you think by voting (or commenting). The thread for feature requests can be found here.

the baby owner's manual!
https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978

Also, I've heard the WonderWeeks app/website is super helpful to figure out growth spurts/changes in behavior patterns, etc.

Congratulations! Someone had recommended this book to me and i found it very useful.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0789212137/ref=dp_ob_neva_mobile

Congrats!

I found this book to be really helpful and well written.

https://www.amazon.com/Dude-Youre-Gonna-Be-Dad/dp/1440505365/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TDHWHW231P89TR81TDZ8

I highly recommend this book for good advice on what to expect during and after pregnancy , and This book for practical advice with good illustrations.

​

Edit: a space

If he's super into being a new dad maybe get this book. But maybe something really cool and personal that isn't necessarily baby related.

If all else fails a BJ is the best present a guy could receive.

Emily Oster's Expecting Better is the opposite of dumbed down, and easily the best book I read. The author is an economist and does an admirable job digging through and presenting the relevant scientific research.

Not being sarcastic, and even though the book is funny I highly recommend you pick up the Baby Owners Manual.

It helps the analytical person have a pocket reference for topics they can't rightly plan for. They have a toddler version to buy i can't speak to it.

Congratulations!!!

First off just pause your fears for just a moment and take in the feeling and enjoy it!

Second - Be there for her as much as you can, that’s your ‘other’ job now.

READ as much as you can - I like this book - Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!: How to Get (Both of You) Through the Next 9 Months https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1440505365/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wRKEAb01K29SE

Watch YouTube videos - go to the appointments, ask questions, just overall be involved. Ask questions here! Read a lot of the posts - I’ve learned a lot from just being involved here.

You’re going to be fine - just enjoy the moment. I think everyone, myself included are going through a bunch of WTF holy shit moments.

Welcome to the club dude!

I enjoyed Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads. Entertaining, yet informative.

Congrats!

Also - get this book:
https://smile.amazon.com/Birth-Partner-Complete-Childbirth-Companions/dp/155832819X?sa-no-redirect=1

Really good book for dads-to-be.

It's absolutely real and I've definitely picked up on some of the symptoms. You (and all predaddits) should check out this book. It's awesome and talks a lot about how expectant fathers handle their feelings (including Couvade).

A good start is reading Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts.

As well as /r/BabyBumps, there's also /r/UKBabyBumps for British advice and there are subreddits for each due date month, which are great for seeing what other people are going through right now.

We've felt the same frustrations. There are a lot of BS pregnancy and parenting books out there.

We've found that The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is quite good in terms of scientific approach, citing sources, and treating the reader like an adult. However, it's definitely written for people who have a college reading level and good scientific literacy. Sadly, that's a niche market in terms of American publishing.

We also like The Pregnancy Bible. Note that I think there's a newer edition now but I can't find it on Amazon.

IMO, the "What To Expect" series has degenerated into anxiety-inducing, cross-marketing ridden junk.

This happened to me last week. It's sinking in slowly, and I'm trying really hard not to get ahead of myself.

My roommate/good friend is a doula so birth is a pretty regular conversation in our house. She's got lots of books lying around and this one caught my eye and I'm about halfway through:

https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702

It's incredible in that it deconstructs a lot of the advice given to pregnant women using the actual studies and data those recommendations come from.

I guess I don't know what to feel yet, so I'm just trying to fill my head with knowledge so I can make wise decisions when the time comes. I've already got a few more books lined up!

I purchased The Expectant Father though I haven't gotten it yet to give any personal thoughts on it. It is highly reviewed on Amazon and have seen it in some lists of best books to get when expecting for dads.

9 weeks here, and yep, it's hard not to be irrationally anxious. We've read plenty of sensible stuff, and we know that we are doing everything we can to play it safe; but it's still hard not to dwell on tiny little things.

My main advice, on thinking about it, is to try to de-stress by talking to someone about it - not your wife, necessarily - you don't want to add to her stress levels! But find a close friend, ideally one who has been through it before, and 'fess up and talk to them about it.

We've decided to tell a handful of people at this early stage, because really we value their support; and if we (heavens forbid) do lose the baby, we'll need their support anyway. We aren't telling people far and wide until after the week-12 scans; we don't want to have to un-tell people if things go wrong. But talking to a handful of close friends is the essential, IMHO.

And hang in there - it's terrifying to know that there's a 15-20% chance of miscarriage in the first trimester; those are way worse odds than for anything else you are likely to do! But also, those odds are mostly due to hormonal or biological factors - not to do with whether you used bug spray or ate the wrong food. I'm guessing there's a higher risk from worrying about bug spray, than from the bug spray itself.

If you want specific advice, as others say, avoid just googling. There are some good books out there - I'm really enjoying "Pregnancy for Men" for a lot of details for modern dads; also "Bumpology" for evidence-based scientific information about the real risks involved. I also hear good things about "Expecting Better" but haven't tried it yet.

I'm reading this book. It's pretty good, gives me an idea on what to expect.

"The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be" by by Armin A. Brott and Jennifer Ash

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0789210770/ref=oh_details_o07_s01_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy.
Well-written and very helpful!

By the way, if you like this book, I have another book out for new dads on taking care of newborn babies, here. Unfortunately I am unable to do giveaways for this one anymore, but it is reasonably priced and other dads have found it useful.

Our stack of books is about a foot high and growing, and my favorite book so far has been Brain Rules for Baby, a book with a lot of great guidance backed up not just by anecdotes but also sound science. As a counter to our instincts to be over-protective, the other book my wife and I have both really enjoyed is 50 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do.

The Expectant Father Got this on audio. Was definitely helpful

I saw a post here saying "a man's guide to newborn babies" would be free in ebook form for 3 or so days on amazon.

Link: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Newborn-Babies-Arrives-ebook/dp/B0727MM9XS

https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Gary-Greenberg/dp/0743251547/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497477383&sr=8-1&keywords=Be+Prepared%3A+A+Practical+Handbook+for+New+Dads

I really liked Be Prepared.

My wife picked up Dude your gonna be a dad shortly after we found out. It is written in a really informal style, which put me off a bit at first, but as my wife read her books and we "compared notes" I realized it has alot of really good information in it.

First of all, congrats!

Some links for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting-ebook/dp/B01DCHZE3A/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500708061&sr=1-1&keywords=what+to+expect+when+you%27re+expecting

https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Practical-Handbook-Dads-ebook/dp/B000SEKFZI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500708024&sr=8-1&keywords=be+prepared

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-First-Heidi-Murkoff-ebook/dp/B00KVRDACW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500708115&sr=1-1&keywords=what+to+expect+the+first+year

This was really the only good "Dad" book I read that did not make me lose sleep. http://www.amazon.com/Dude-Youre-Gonna-Be-Dad/dp/1440505365/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1412723216&sr=8-4&keywords=dads+guide+to+pregnancy

I've been reading "The Expectant Father" on. Recommendation from here. It breaks it down month to month and was very easy to follow

See here

Also congrats!

Edit: I screwed up the link, should work now

I just graduated from predaddit to daddit.

Those pregnancy months are intense. The weeks after...even more so. What I would suggest is to assume she is right and work from there. Her brain is going through a ton of changes with hormones that continue on into after the child is born.

One thing to remember is that right now her body is growing a human. It sounds weird, but when I thought about it as, holy crap, she's got a human in there, I pretty much went with her thoughts.

However, names, etc. Definitely have discussions about those things. Some of the ways you used to talk about things, you might have to switch. For example; if you would have said, "That's a dumb name" she might not have reacted at all, now, it might be the thing that sets her off. Think about more diplomatic methods of disagreeing with her.


I statements work for this pretty well. I feel.... or I like...


Be prepared for her to disagree with your suggestions simply on principal.

There is a good book called "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad" that might help you.

I got a book on amazon Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad! Guess I should read past Chapter 2... we wanted to make sure we got through the 8 week ultrasound first

Haven’t dug into this yet but I bought it specifically because it is structured like an owner’s manual:

The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance (Owner's and Instruction Manual) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594745978/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_kMH6Cb98YH7AT

"Dude you're gonna be a Dad" has been the most enjoyable to me. http://www.amazon.com/Dude-Youre-Gonna-Be-Dad/dp/1440505365

From Dude To Dad: http://www.amazon.com/From-Dude-Dad-Diaper-Pregnancy/dp/0399166262

The Expectant Father: http://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads---Be/dp/0789210770/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408486049&sr=1-1&keywords=the+expectant+father

And of course the What To Expect Books.

Oh also please don't buy your books off of Amazon, those links were merely for reference.

Check out the Baby Owners Manual. It's informative, funny, and doesn't make any assumptions about what you already know.

The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be by Armin A. Brott
Link: http://amzn.com/0789210770
Covers everything you mentioned. I liked his second book too.

https://www.amazon.de/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978


something like this?

I like Be Prepared

I read it on my tablet. It's kind of written like one of those Survival Manual type novelty books. Has a bit of humor but a lot of practical information. Cant imagine reading anything as dry as "What to Expect When You're Expecting"

I really like the New Father series by Armin Brott. I bought The Expectant Father after we'd talked about having a baby but before trying to conceive, and now that we're expecting I'm reading The New Father.

Amazon link

My wife really liked this book. It's written by an economist who looked at what really needs to be avoided and what is hype, based on data.

The Baby Owner's Manual:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594745978/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_8EvQwb5MKDQYT

The scary thing is it's actually really well made and has a load of well thought out information.

Brother in law bought me this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Ultimate-Dads-Be/dp/0789212137/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1542708853&sr=1-3&keywords=the+expectant+father

He's a father of two and said it really helped.

This book has helped me a lot.


The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be (The New Father) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0789212137/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GwqQDbN1V9PZN

Here is the mobile version of your link

As an engineer I saw this book and was drawn to it. The Baby Owner's Manual: Operating Instructions, Trouble-Shooting Tips, and Advice on First-Year Maintenance

I haven't read it yet but was thinking about getting it: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting-ebook/dp/B009U9S6D0/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1498253075&sr=8-1

I will say: the whole What To Expect series is really really bad. Every page has some dire warning about something you must never go near or you will kill your baby. It's very severely panic-inducing. If you already own it, my advice is to put it in the freezer overnight, and in the morning go bury it in the backyard.

We LOVED the Mayo Clinic book (Amazon link), which we found informative but not stressful, down-to-earth, and pretty realistic about the risks and challenges of a modern non-bubble-wrap-padded pregnancy.

Father of five here. Can confirm, OP is not wrong.

That said, a couple of thoughts.

• As I've previously said, there's a pile of shit people tell you you need, but you don't. Read this.
  
  
• I've seen a lot of posts about when the right time to announce is, and the standard advice is not until after the first trimester. That said, miscarriages are more often than not the result of an nonviable fetus. I don't have a reference for this, its what I was told by our OB/GYN
  
  
• Don't try to sleep-train your baby until they're at least 9 months old -- it will only break your heart and piss your kid off. Read The Happiest Baby on the Block
  
  
• Nurse your baby for at least six months. The benefits of nursing are well documented and more to the point, will allow you all to sleep together while baby is nursing. That said, as soon as that kid is weened, kick it out of your bed. I do not condone the notion of the "family bed". That shit is just creepy. If Mom is returning to work, buy a quality breast pump.
  
  
• If your wife is breast-feeding, DO NOT GROPE THEM!!! NOT UNTIL THEY SAY ITS OKAY. AND NO, YOU CAN'T ASK. Now, that said, that was my experience. Your lady might think not groping them means you think she's gross or something, so be mindful of it. If you get your ass handed to you the first time you grope her, lesson learned.
  
  
• Sex with new mom is not to be tried for WEEKS after baby arrives, ESPECIALLY if she had an eppesiotomy. Seriously, even a pencil-dick could tear those stitches.
  
  

I didn’t think I was spreading misinformation. All the evidence I’ve seen Expecting Better does a dive into the research. all evidence she found was that they weren't worth it in the end. my US based OB office agreed. reading up on r/BabyBumps and most women there also opt for the risk if tearing vs a cut.

fwiw Im happy to take interventions, i welcome my epidural and my priority is to minimize pain and healing time.

everyone is different and should talk to their doctor, do their research and decide for themselves. if you disagree thats okay, ill never change your mind. we will just need to agree to disagree and hope for safe deliveries all around.

edit: [HuffPo article as well](https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/22/episiotomy-childbirth-guidelines_n_1799394.html. Maybe we're agreeing and don't realize it? I'm not saying never/ever, but that they were once routine in the US and now they're relatively rare. They were common place but now are reserved if the doctor thinks there are extenuating circumstances (super giant baby head, or a shoulder is stuck and there is no time to reposition the baby). Episiotomy rates in the US have been dropping over the past several decades. I have no idea what they are compared to NZ or other countries, maybe yall never had the over-eager doctors we had in the 50's who would cut too early, too deep and too often.