(Part 2) Best products from r/seduction

This wasn't supposed to turn into a wall of text. ^Ooops.

You and I both seem to be working VERY hard at attracting a girl: "I exercise. I dress well. I practice good hygiene, posture, and eye contact. I put myself out there and do approaches." And you've been frustrated for a long time. Yeah, me too.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you may be experiencing something similar to what i've been working on myself: I'm going to call it Self Induced Success Anxiety. I have forever been working VERY hard and learning and trying and practicing so that I can find my life partner. Hell, I've been working on it since I was 16! And I have experienced many years of frustration and many failed relationships trying.

But therein lies the problem. I have been trying too hard, and more importantly, putting too much pressure on myself to succeed.

At my therapist's suggestion, I took some time off while I work on some of my own stuff. I set an approximate date at which I would resume the pursuit (9 months, if I feel ready by then), but in the meanwhile I completely stopped. I genuinely committed to it, and I have stuck to it, not just given it lip service. It has been amazing what a RELIEF I have felt enjoying these last 8 months without worrying about the fact that I don't have a girlfriend! Do not misunderstand me: I still exercise (because it's FUN and good for me) and I still try to smell good and dress well (because I feel better when I think I look good), work to make eye contact and talk to women I find attractive. I still do all the things I would normally have done to go out and try to find a mate, without TRYING to find a mate. BUT I also have stopped worrying about and learned learned to enjoy spending more time alone - even at 8pm on a Friday night. I have also been genuinely enjoying hanging out with friends (I have a few). I even have started having people over to my house for a party once a month or so and haven't cared if one person or 15 people show up - I'm going to have a good time, even if it's just three dudes drinking beer and complaining about women. :)

But when I do go out, or when I do meet a woman I am attracted to, I am NOT anxious about talking to her. Because, hey - I'm not worried about any particular RESULT, I'm just enjoying talking to her and drinking from her long tall glass of beautiful. I know I will go home without a phone number. Because that is MY plan! I don't want one. So there's no pressure. I measure success by how good a time i had talking to her, not by whether or not I got a phone number or a kiss.

I do not hide this time off from any of my friends or anyone I meet, either. It's just fact. "I'm taking time off of dating until at least September or so, while I work on me." SO many people (including attractive females) have said "That's really smart. What a good idea." And it has had an unexpected side effect: Several people have said "And by the way, when you're ready, I have someone I want you to meet!"

And here's the important part of what I am trying to say: It seems to have given me POWER! I am not afraid of any woman. I talk to them ALL with no fear of rejection, because all I want is conversation and laughs and smiles. I am myself because I'm not worried about what they think. No pressure and SUCCESS every time. And I'm getting quite comfortable with it. Yes, I go home alone. Yes, I go home without phone numbers. That is my plan! And you know what else? A few women have later flirted with me that "September is almost here..." Maybe they were disappointed I didn't ask for their numbers...

So take some REAL time off. Give yourself a break from the expectation you have built for yourself. And while you're taking that time off, spend time learning more about YOU and learning the lesson that you CAN be yourself AND attract women. And spend that time talking to women, because hey - you're just hanging out and being yourself and all you want is to meet interesting people and have a good time. And watch what happens: You might just get used to being yourself. You'll get used to talking to attractive women. You'll enjoy spending time alone. You'll do things you like to do because you like to do them.

And when your September comes, you'll just keep on doing all of those things. But this time, when the right girl smiles and laughs and plays with her hair, you won't feel any pressure. You'll say "This was fun. We should do it again some time." And she might just say "Yeah, that sounds great..."

If you want to read an amazing book, and you can take the spirituality talk with a grain of salt (not to mention the title of the book), I highly recommend How to Be an Adult by David Richo. It's only 120 pages and it's $10. But don't just blow through it. Read and think. Then read again.

tl;dr - Give yourself a break from Self Induced Success Anxiety (if I may coin a phrase). You're so worried about success that you're affecting the outcome. See what happened when I did. Also, read this book by David Richo.

I know exactly where you are coming from man. I follow the same exact line of thinking, but I get laid plenty.

I see the logic: If you have nothing to say, it feels fake (disingenuous, insincere) to initiate a conversation with a stranger. If you aren't outgoing, it seems fake (artificial) to act outgoing. You feel like you shouldn't have to (or want to) act disingenuous, insincere, and artificial for the sake of getting laid. There is cognitive dissonance to this; /r/seduction says we have to self-realize and be genuine in order to create quality relationships, but at the same time it encourages us to better ourselves (in our case, be outgoing, have interesting things to say, and seemingly stick our noses in other people's business despite our resignation about it). It is literally impossible for a person to be who they are while simultaneously changing who they are.

...or so it seems.

Here are a few points:

• You sound depressed. Seriously explore this if you have not already.
  
• You are thinking too black and white (I know, that's the logical, literal thing to do). Try to understand that people, including yourself, are dynamic and there is lots of grey area to life. The grey area is EXACTLY where the successful player lives. Explore this.
  
• You have what's called a "set" mindset. The opposite of that is a "growth" mindset. You can change this. Check out this book
  
• You can improve yourself without changing who you are fundamentally. This is where people keep talking about social skills as being learnable skills. Like martial arts or something. You don't start out as a ninja, but after years of practice you eventually become one by definition. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to practice and it's uncomfortable.
  
• You truly can fake it if you want, but it's a lot harder that way. Matter of fact, what most people here fail to ever state is that most attempts at seduction are made strictly for the sake of getting laid, and are therefore completely disingenuous. Makes no sense, right? That goes against everything books like 'Models' stand for. But guess what? It still works! This, again, is where people keep talking about social skills as being learnable skills. Fake it 'til you make it.
  
  You can utilize that logical side of you to get ahead in your lovelife:
  
  
• Examine your priorities: What is TRULY important to you? If it's getting laid, and you are not getting laid, then clearly something MUST change for you to realize your endeavors. The same goes for anything you pursue in life. Want banana...don't have banana...must reach hand toward banana. If you would rather be lazy than reach your hand out then clearly we know where your priorities lie. Seduction is rarely a case where you can have your cake and eat it too.
  
• Think of social skills as something you can learn rather than something that is innate or static.
  
• You seem a bit self-centered. If you have no interest in people (genuine interest in who they are) then you literally cannot genuinely get to know them. You must change this and become interested in others. We cannot tell you how to do this. If you want a girlfriend then you must get to know her. In order to get to know her you must want to get to know her. If you don't want to get to know her, you will never have her.
  
• No one says you have to go for every hot girl. Some just may not pique your interest. There's no reason to go for them for a guy like you. But I guarantee there have been women in your life, even in passing, who you have had a true interest in getting to know. Perhaps they are few and far between, and that's okay. In fact, it's even better. It puts you in the role of the chooser. If 99 hot girls walk by and none pique your genuine interest then that's okay. But when that 100th girl walks by and you feel that feeling, then THAT is the moment you lock eye contact, smile, and approach. It will feel real. It will be real. You will have real questions to ask her. You will have real things to say to her. The more you do this, the more successful you will become at seduction and the more often your interest will be piqued.
  
• In regards to feeling like you have nothing to say, just talk anyway. It may feel awkward at first, but that's what growth is all about. Remember, other people see things from their own perspective. Most of people's brain power is being used up worrying about themselves anyway, so, the majority of the time, momentary awkwardness either doesn't get noticed at all or just floats away as fast as it appeared.
  
• Speaking of perspective, always remember that people are only interested in what you have to offer them. If you have nothing to offer then you are shit out of luck. This is why self-improvement is pushed so hard here. The first thing I think you should learn to offer women is how to have a genuine interest in them. People love it when others truly want to get to know them. The problem is, before you can have an interest in others you're going to have to focus inward and gain an interest in yourself.
  
  I hope you figure this stuff out. If it's going to happen then your mindset must change just like mine had to change. Get help if you have to. Cheers.

I am obsessed. Here is my current collection:

Most of these you can find on thepiratebay / etc, but I own a hard copy of all of these except for The Mystery Method, which I read probably 5 times before I found Magic Bullets (actually don't own that either, just the pdf). I'll add to this list if I think of more.

Must Reads:

Magic Bullets - Savoy ==>> [Torrent] it's expensive!

• This book is so excellent. It's like a PUA encyclopedia. It walks you through the process, and cites every major text along the way.. none of this "my way works best" crap, but not afraid to make judgments either. For pickup books that employ some form of the M3 Model (however loosely.. which I think means: everyone except Ross Jeffries), this is the authoritative text. If you have an approach that is proven, important, and credible, then it is probably cited in this book.
  
  Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
  
  
• I got this book because it is #1 on this list. Turns out, it is the modern version of Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People (see review below).. only this time, it's by someone who knows a thing or two about applied psychology (which either didn't exist back then, or was too under-developed to matter). This guy freaking went undercover as a used car salesman, working with fundraisers, etc. Interestingly enough, I bought this book in the same order as The Game, and in chapter 1 Strauss mentions reading Cialdini's book to prepare for a trip to Belgrade with Mystery, which was his formal introduction into the PUA community.
  
  The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
  
  
• I'm not done with this one yet, but I will say this: if you have a conscience, don't read this. It really is a fascinating study of seduction, but it does focus on seduction as a tool to victimize people.. That said, unlike your typical pick-up type book which does not bother to categorize gamers' personality types, this book categorizes different "types" of seducers. This is extremely helpful because you can figure out what type of seducer fits you best, and what things you need to focus on to improve your game.
  
  How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
  
  
• This book has sold over 15 million copies. It was originally written in 1937, but has been revised once or twice since it became the best selling self-help type book of all time, which it probably still is. He walks you through the basic principles of how to motivate people.. what works, what doesn't.. etc. Fun, easy, captivating read. It looks thick, but I think I unintentionally read it cover to cover in one sitting the first time I read it in college.. so it's a quick read.
  
  
  Should reads:
  
  The Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I think this is one of the best selling pick-up type books. I liked reading it, but it was less of a tutorial book and more of an autobiography.. it does get the job done though. It also is a very entertaining read, and if you doubt that PUA stuff actually works, this will prove to you otherwise because Strauss was a very timid and ugly mofo, but he fucked Jenna Jameson.
  
  The Mystery Method : How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed - Mystery, Chris Odom, Neil Strauss
  
  
• This introduced me into the world of PUA my senior year of college when I inadvertently stumbled upon a torrent of it (I was probably looking for something to jerk off to. How poetic). I downloaded it just to skim through it skeptically, but this book eventually introduced me to a whole new world. This is an excellent staple / beginner's text, even though I now recommend Magic Bullets because it is so much more objective and inclusive of alternate styles and approaches along the way.
  
  How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• Not done with this yet, but Ross Jeffries is a freak (not meant to be insulting to him). I have no doubt that his methods are effective, but they are very different. And he really seems a bit evil, as opposed to merely mischievous like most other PUAs are. I haven't decided how incompatible, if not just different, his methods are with the Mystery / Strauss crowd.. but then again, I have never field tested any of his methods myself.
  
  Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation - Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim Johnson
  
  
• A close friend of mine who studied improv in New York lent me this, and I forgot about it until recently -- but it is a very short but brilliant book about comedy. I'm listening now to David DeAngelo's Cock Comedy series, and I realized that almost everything he's saying is straight out of this little text. It's not really something essential for pick-up, which is why I wouldn't put it in Must Reads, but it is excellent nonetheless.
  
  
  Meh, they're alright:
  
  The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction - Mystery, Neil Strauss
  
  
• You can definitely get some good stuff out of this book, but the whole thing comes across as an excuse for Mystery to brag about how awesome he is. He seriously spends an entire chapter (maybe more) telling a story about him bragging to other PUAs. He does deserve it though, the man is the single most influential PUA ever, if not the most successful in the field.
  
  Rules of the Game - Neil Strauss
  
  
• This is one of those books that you read once a day for 30 days, and write down statements of intent right in the book like "it is my goal to lose my virginity before my next birthday in 3 months." Probably good for beginners, but I skimmed through this after having been gaming in the field for several months.
  
  Haven't read yet:
  
  What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People - Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins
  
  
• This looks really good.
  
  NLP: The New Technology of Achievement - NLP Comprehensive
  
  Easy Mind-Reading Tricks - Robert Mandelberg, Ferruccio Sardella
  
  Palm Reading for Beginners: Find Your Future in the Palm of Your Hand (For Beginners (Llewellyn's)) - Richard Webster
  
  There are also some good videos out there (links are to torrents. these are all several hundred $$):
  
  
  Excellent Videos
  
  The Annihilation Method - Neil Strauss
  
  
• I met a guy who said he was looking around his apartment for things to sell so he could afford the $375 this costs. apparently he didn't think to check thepiratebay ;)
  
  Mystery and Style
  
  
• The videos of Mystery in here are just excellent. It's very interesting to see Mystery actually interacting with other people (not in a set), since he is the god of pick-up.
  
  Decent Videos
  
  Psychic Influence - Ross Jeffries
  
  
• This is interesting.. I'm not much of a Jeffries guy though, mostly because he's the most oddball of the group, and I haven't studied his material enough.

So generally you need to assume a state of mind where you are awesome and no one can tell you otherwise. For now, fake until you got it (which works surprisingly well). But here are some general tips I've given for helping to improve that:

There are several key aspects of confidence to that which are ENTIRELY manageable. Primarily there are the physical and mental aspects of confidence. Physical is easier actually. Hit the gym, use /r/fitness to help develop a routine. Eat proper foods and have a healthy diet (/r/fitmeals). For your appearance post in /r/malefashionadvice for a fashion that fits your figure and stature. Then for your hair you need a style for you, /r/malehairadvice. Finally for general grooming there's /r/malegrooming. Overall with a diet and regular exercise within a year you'll look completely different.

But you don't want to just be the dumb bodybuilder and actually the mental part is harder. But read books, doesn't matter what you read, read books. I remember I was talking to this HB9 Psychologist grad student, a subject I had NEVER done anything with before. But we started talking, I showed interest, commented on what I could and when she was talking about testing mentioend A/B Testing from an article in Wired I'd read. She was blown away that I knew of it. Find fun books to read, Sci-Fi, technology articles, get off Reddit to find interesting subjects to talk about. Reddit can help /r/books is good, just don't be the guy who can only talk about work and class.

For more general motivation in your life find an inspirational figure to model your life on. For me personally it's Theodore Roosevelt, Edmund Morris's biographical trilogy is FANTASTIC. At least read the first book, Roosevelt had to overcome much greater hurdles than you, you can do the same. Don't be afraid to ask questions and figure out why people think you are the way you are, just be sure to change it. If you need motivation, /r/GetMotivated is there for you. Further let this move into other areas of your life, work hard and play hard.

If you truly want a progression to give you some guidance, consdier The Art of Manliness' 30 Days to a Better Man (also just a damn good manly blog.) I'm going to encourage you to read some articles on Art of Manliness, it's not 100% perfect, but a great site for men.

A woman also likes a man with good values. One of the most attractive qualities I've been told by women is that I'm an Eagle Scout. Reasoning behind this is that it says that I embody certain aspects, namely the Scout Law and Scout Oath (as well as the Slogan and Motto). You can still live up to these ideals without being an Eagle Scout, just start now, they really are very manly.

For some inspiration look at this guy and this guy


But more specifically for your circumstances, generally I'm opposed to workplace romance but if you want to give it a shot go for it. First off how much do you two talk? If you're just coworkers that don't talk much, you gotta find a way to get to know her better first. Perhaps a work happy hour?

Here are some exercises from The Charisma Myth, one of the best non-seduction books on seduction I have ever read:

Presence

Set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes and try to focus on ONE of the following three things: the sounds around you, your breathing, or the sensations in your toes.

Responsibility Transfer

Sit comfortably or lie down, relax, and close your eyes. Take two or three deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine drawing clean air toward the top of your head. As you exhale, let that air woosh through you, washing away all worries and concerns.
Pick an entity - God, fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs - that you could imagine as benevolent.
Imagine lifting the weight of everything you're concerned about - this meeting, this interaction, this day - off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you've chosen. They're in charge now.
Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

The next time you feel yourself considering alternative outcomes to a situation, pay close attention. If your brain is going around in circles, obsessing about possible outcomes, try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety.

Destigmatizing Discomfort

The next time an uncomfortable emotion is bothering you, try this step-by-step guide to destigmatizing:
Remember that uncomfortable emotions are normal, natural, and simply a legacy of our survival instincts. We all experience them from time to time.
Dedramatize: this is a common part of human experience that happens every day.
Think of others who've gone through this before, especially people you admire.
See it as one burden shared by many. You are part of a community of human beings experiencing this one feeling at this very moment.

Neutralizing Negativity

Use the techniques below anytime you'd like to lessen the effects of persistent negative thoughts. As you try each technique, pay attention to which ones work best for you and keep practicing them until they become instinctive. You may also discover some of your own that work just as well.

• Don't assume your thoughts are accurate. Just because your mind comes up with something doesn't necessarily mean it has any validity. Assume you're missing a lot of elements, many of which could be positive.
  
• See your thoughts as graffiti on a wall or as little electrical impulses flickering around your brain.
  
• Assign a label to your negative experience: self-criticism, anger, anxiety, etc. Just naming what you are thinking and feeling can help you neutralize it.
  
• Depersonalize the experience. Rather than sayign "I'm feeling ashamed," try "There is shame being felt." Imagine that you're a scientist observing a phenomenon: "How interesting, these are self-critical thoughts arising."
  
• Imagine seeing yourself from afar. Zoom out so far, you can see planet Earth hanging in space. Then zoom in to see your continent, then your country, your city, and finally the room you're in. See your little self, electrical impulses whizzing across your brain. One little being having a particular experience at this particular moment.
  
• Imagine your mental chatter as coming from a radio; see if you can turn down the volume, or even just put the radio tot he side and let it chatter away.
  
• Consider the worst-case outcome for your situation. Realize that whatever it is, you'll survive.
  
• Think of all the previous times when you felt just like this - that you wouldn't make it through - and yet clearly you did.
  
  Rewriting Reality
  
  Let's imagine that traffic is making you late for an important meeting and your anxiety level is on the rise. Ask yourself: What if this delay is a good thing? Repeat the question a few times, and watch how creative your mind can get with its answers.
  
  When you're dealing with a more serious situation, sit down and write out a new reality on a piece of paper. Writing accesses different parts of our brain and affects our beliefs in ways that other modes of expression do not. The act of committing things to writing has been shown to be critical both in changing a person's mind and in making imagined stories feel more real. Write in the present tense: "The speech is going well..." Or, even better, in the past tense: "The speech was a complete triumph..."
  
  Getting Satisfaction
  
  
• Think of one person in your life who has aggrieved you.
  
• Take a blank page and write that person a letter saying anything and everything you wish you had ever told them. Really get into this - you have nothing to lose. Make sure you write it out by hand.
  
• When you've gotten absolutely everything off your mind and onto paper, put the letter aside.
  
• Take a fresh sheet and write their response just the way you WISH they would respond. You might have them taking responsibility for their actions, acknowledging and apologizing for everything they've ever done that hurt you. You don't need to find any justification in their actions, just an acknowledgment and an apology. It's your imagination, so you get to decide exactly what you'd like to hear.
  
  __
  
  That's most of the exercises through Chapter 4. There are tons more, and the book is excellent, so I would recommend you pick it up.
  
  I also remember an exercise from Models (at least I think it was Models...) where you make a list of all the traits you are looking for in a partner, no matter how shallow. Wait a few hours or a day and go back through the list circling the ones that are most important to you. You can make a new list and narrow it down, or keep narrowing down the existing list as often as you'd like. The idea is that when you're done you have a pretty solid list of the things that are really actually important to you in finding a partner.

Here's an excerpt from one of my favorite books The Manual by W Anton:

> After your bold approach and some small talk that includes flirting, you should restate your intentions while keeping in mind her desires; you say what you want while telling her what she wants to hear. What do you want? Her phone number. Why do you want it? Because you want to see her again. Why do you want to do that? You know this best, but it is probably because she is very attractive and you enjoyed talking to her. Therefore, that is what you should tell her while at the same time handing her your cell phone or a piece of paper and a pen — still smiling, full of confidence while maintaining eye contact, and assuming that she will give you her number the same way you always assume positive outcomes for your every advance.

> It is not complicated. You are not asking for a woman’s number, you are telling her to give it to you by thinking aloud, and you do it after effectively convincing her that she would not mind meeting you again by the way you handle yourself and her.

> If you did not bring your phone, tell her to write her number down. And if you did not bring your own pen, she probably has a makeup pen or a lipstick in her purse that she can write with. Otherwise, ask someone in the vicinity without hesitation.

Honestly, this seems like the most natural way and it's worked well for me.

Listen bud, being in shape brings about many more things than just looking good. Looking better OBVIOUSLY will help you attract more females - but it's the confidence and success that training hard brings.

You build character when you train. You've set a goal towards something. No one is making you do it, you are doing it yourself. You are building the quality of persistence. This quality carries over into ALL aspects of your life: work, school, girls, goals, etc. When you hone your qualities of persistence and perseverance, every aspect of your life is likely to improve. Your confidence grows as a result. As your confidence grows, you realize how trivial all of the bullshit you used to worry about is.

long story short, getting in shape carries over into your life. Every improvement in your life shows through in social situations. Women pick up on this - women love when men are confident and comfortable with their lives and themselves. I'd say getting in shape could be the first link the chain of building some important qualities that you apparently don't have. The first being self respect (referring to your comment about getting exes back).

ADVICE:
go here and buy this:
http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-3rd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0982522738/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1333906091&sr=8-1
FOLLOW IT TO THE LETTER AND DON'T QUESTION ANYTHING IN IT.


Being out of shape is not your problem, being a man is your problem. Become a man and things become clearer. Becoming strong is a very logical step in this process.

Yessir, that's a good way of putting it.

>May I ask how you worked on your social skills and networking?

Absolutely! First I read a bunch of books and articles, which I'll list for you below. Second I got a job that requires a lot of social interaction. And third I made a very dedicated effort to do more social things.

(Wow, I didn't realize how large this list was going to be. So I'm going to very highly recommend the first three books and just say that everything else is going to be beneficial, but not really necessary. You don't have to go nearly as deep as I did to get good results.)

How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to Talk to Anyone
What EveryBODY is Saying

---
Never Eat Alone
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense
Argumentation and Debate
What to Say When You're Dying on the Platform
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
The Art of Framing
This article
This documentary on body language
This video on body language
This ebook
/r/socialskills
This website
This video
This video
This video
A lot of Craig Ferguson interviews (especially the lady ones)
Etiquette

> How do you grow self esteem when you can't get laid

By having an amazing job, cool hobbies and passions, and great friends! You sounds pretty awesome.

> This is a vicious circle, though

No, it's a dead end. You can't get out of the trap by thinking about it the way you are thinking about it.

Look, I'm a random guy on the internet, I don't know you, but if I had to guess, I'd say that you are looking for a woman to validate that you are a good person. "If they reject me, I'm a bad/failed person. If they accept me, I'm a success". This is not a good way to think about it. (and yes, you can choose how you think about it).

This "frame" makes every loss painful, personal, it can make you angry - because you are thinking of each date as an evaluation of you as a person - while the girl just thinks she's just out on a date. This kind of relates: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Framing_effect_(psychology).

And then when you go on dates, you are wary of getting hurt (understandably), and maybe angry (also understandable), but it's not her job to care, she's not a friend (yet) - she can just tell you are defensive, and angry. Two nopes, she's gone.

So, the world's not gonna change, but you can. (you're an awesome guy, you can do this. Read this, if you need to: https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322)

But if you think of each interaction as a gift - more than you had before. Then instead of being angry, you had another success, you are happy, ready to tackle another one. To get better. You went on a date, +1. The discussion went well, +1. She responded, instead of ghosting you. +1. You realize half the guys here aren't doing as well as you?

Think of it as a fucking video game (pun intended). The more points you get, the more achievements you unlock. (Panties: unlocked!). Go collect as many points as you can, and recognize your successes, count your points, it will motivate you - just like playing a video game.

And another post I had on "How can I live a more interesting life?";

>A lot that you say are bad assumptions. 30vanquish is correct when saying:
>That's a bad assumption. Be passionate about the stuff you do because it makes you look certain and confident in your own life

>What I have learned is life is about stories. The better/funnier/epic/quirkier your stories are and the more you're developed as a storyteller the more people will be attracted to you. Learn to be value-added to people and social situations. You might be thinking being value added to their life only makes them better. No, make people see that your value addition makes their life great, and that without you in their life, it isn't fun.

>When hanging with people, learn the balance of when to speak up and when to not. A lot of times you can be too intelligent for the group, if you find yourself talking about random context or "Did You Know?" shit a lot, quit that out. Because that's a buzz-kill sometimes. Personally, I only bring up topics I truly enjoy if someone leads me to do that. Otherwise, I assume people don't want to hear about simulation, cnc, six-sigma, electrical system and the other.

>Also consider how you portray yourself:

>stance

>walk

>build

>dress

>eye contact

>projection/clarity of voice

>All of these searches (not specifically these sites) should help significantly. Honestly with that in mind, you may want to start with something like Toastmasters to get you thinking on your feet about topics. This will develop different synapses and will allow for quick-thinking on a social status level.

>Possibly, read the the following to develop an understanding of being value added to relationships and quick-witted in conversation:

>Insults Every Man Should Know

>Jokes Every Man Should Know

>The Modern Gentleman

>Now, everything in these books aren't written in stone. Don't just go and cut/copy/paste/cite when you go hang out socially. I only provided these titles for you and others to read, so you can develop yourself. Everything is about becoming your own peacock, so you come off (do not appear, because when you appear, then your X-factor is not intrinsically within) smooth, suave and natural.

>I would also say to try and pickup an action sport like boxing, kickboxing, etc. Not for the ability to kick anyone and mostly everyone's ass, but so you can get your testosterone flowing/grooving and to become confident in a more socially accepted hobby. It also would help in the fact that if you fake like you hurt yourself, you can casually bring up that you were in a sparring match. This would make guys interested in your skill and girls begin to coddle you for safety (you have just become value-added).


>TL;DR: just go to the damn hyperlinks and you'll be able to figure out what i was saying.

Dude, I love you asking about books!

•Codependent No More

•No More Mr. Nice Guy -I was raised by a very Beta father, and influences significantly by feminism over my education through teachers and friends’ parents. These two books helped break that and accept it is okay to be a fucking male and make your own way in this society.

•The 3rd is not a book but a podcast: The MFCEO Project also available on SoundCloud, and stitcher. I linked episode 107 because it greatly influenced how I structure my approach for life. I also highly recommend episode 141, the battleground mentality, it also helps address approaching society and how we make excuses.

•Way of the Wolf - teaches business principals with a tried and true system. It isn’t for everyone but Straight Line selling is a very powerful tool.

•Discipline Equals Freedom -This wasn’t as influential for me as I had already placed the development tools it teaches into place, but for anyone starting off on their self development journey I highly recommend it.

This is so far my to go list, no particulary order:

Body Language

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

No More Mr Nice Guy

The Flinch

The Blueprint Decoded

How to Win Friends & Influence People

The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them

These books/dvds/audiobooks are about self development and basic understanding of human behaviour, I honestly think everybody can benefit from this stuff.

Edit:

Also find a good book about improving your voice, no idea here because I use one in german.

Ok, but I'm wary of you. Your post is very academic, in every sense of the word. I expect field reports from you in return for what I'm about to give you.

A great book on improv was written by a legendary man named Del Close. He's not famous, but his students are very, very well known.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Del_Close

The book is Truth in Comedy.
http://www.amazon.com/Truth-Comedy-Improvisation-Charna-Halpern/dp/1566080037

It will teach you quite a lot about improv, but also about humor in general. It's short, practical, and accessible - but it will make more sense when you've actually tried to do it. Let me know what you think when you've read it.

Are you talking to lots of girls?

Until you've talking to lots of girls and getting some field experience under your belt, your feelings have nothing to do with girls nor Seddit, it's just a reflection of your emotions. Take small steps and don't be unfair to yourself.

If you are talking to lots of girls and still have this scarcity mentality about women, then I recommend one or more of the following:

• Read The Way of the Superior Man for some guidance about where women should fit in for you.
  
  
• Work on being more positive (google Positivity Challenge)
  
  
• Get therapy
  
  If you are talking to lots of girls and only are feeling this way momentarily, I know that feel, bro. Picking up girls can be frustrating. You stay in it because the payoff is better than the sacrifices you make along the way.

OP is actually right on this subject matter. Just because a girl touches you on the arm/back doesn’t automatically signal that she likes likes you. It could mean she is either warming up to you, or is down right messing around.

If you have a chance, read the The Definitive Book of Body Language, the book explains in great detail that it is super important that you read the entire human body as a whole. That means you must observe the person’s facial expressions, the way how they move their feet, how they behave around others, etc. We humans are really complicated creatures. Whatever comes out from our mouths will not always correlate with how we really feels about an/a individual/group/situation.

Edit: grammar correction on second to last line of this comment.

Don't. Just show up; she'll be there. If she's not text her and tell her you're there already. If she says "I didn't think you were coming because you didn't confirm" say something like "of course I'm gonna come, I'm a man of my word." Most guys text before dates and it makes them weak and insecure "just making sure I'm good enough for you to still want to come.", if you don't text it'll set you apart from other guys and will make you seem confident. If you have a definite date, time and place; that's all you need. I have a Tinder date setup for tomorrow 7:30 in OB (San Diego). After I setup the date I said I was busy (I did get busy at work), but looking forward to meeting her tomorrow; that's it. I'm not gonna call to confirm.


Good luck my friend.

Also, read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Man-Corey-Wayne/dp/1411673360

>Seduction implies a me vs her mentality,

How? I think we're simply disagreeing on terms now. Seduction is giving her a fun dream to enjoy. But in the semantic argument, we've now entered into philosophy.

> She becomes an object

We're all objects to each other via our perspective. This is the nature of consciousness until you cross over into Enlightenment.

I see what you're trying to say, and I agree, but you're simply changing terms. I doubt I'm going to persuade you to see seduction as a cooperative act, but here's my best shot.

You can't trick people. It's really impossible. People trick themselves. You never "seduced" a woman by your definition of seduction. She decided to play along in the role of "the seduced."

However, in my definition, it is a cooperative act because in order to seduce, you must first be seduced, i.e., attracted enough to care to seduce her. It's a mutual act of dreamweaving. She bats her eyes at you, you approach, spit some game, she laughs and touches your chest, you two go home together, you both open your bodies to each other.

At no point was one person doing anything to the other exclusively.

If seduction is manipulation, then you're manipulating each other, so really neither of you is being played as you're both being played.

Your definition cancels itself out. And even if you do switch over to my definition, the same thing is still happening, you're simply seeing it differently.

This is getting very close to becoming a Zen koan....

"What is the sound of a man seducing himself?"

I think you would enjoy Zan Perrion's book, The Alabaster Girl. I've actually met Zan, too, and can confirm he knows his shit.

> I’ve got my life on track, in terms of academics, career and social life.

You're doing great, then. These are more important than bedding drunk chicks at parties.

I believe you'll benefit greatly from Corey's 3% Man book. He gives it away for free. Direct link: http://d-f.scribdassets.com/docs/8csal3wi805xskrp.pdf

It's concise and suitable for men who already have a life, rather than schmucks like me.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: It's more Zen than the title alludes to.

No More Mr. Nice Guy: Excellent book!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mystery: Body Language 1

Mystery: Body Language 1

Hot Seat Breakdown: Part 1 of 5. This might be the greatest breakdown of legit pickup. It's Owen from RSD, and I don't like him typically, but this is super good.

Wrote that from my mobile. To spell the links out, what can be helpful for you are those:

https://www.amazon.com/New-Rules-Attraction-Keep-Make/dp/1402266529/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=arden+leigh&qid=1554639308&s=gateway&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/1861977697/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=art+of+seduction&qid=1554639377&s=gateway&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Introducing-NLP-Psychological-Understanding-Neuro-Linguistic/dp/1573244988/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=introducing+nlp&qid=1554639402&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Besides those, a lot of the knowledge base in PUA comes from stuff like

https://www.amazon.com/Evolutionary-Psychology-New-Science-Mind/dp/1138088617/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=evolutionary+psychology&qid=1554639453&s=gateway&sr=8-1

There's probably some more books for both genders, but there's also quite a market for books just for females (like the one by arden leigh), where you can find all sorts of things, like even exotical stuff like

https://www.amazon.com/Ho-Tactics-Uncut-Spending-Sponsoring/dp/0692258841/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=ho+tactics&qid=1554639560&s=gateway&sr=8-1

but the issue is pretty much the same one as in the dating / seduction / pickup niche for us guys, you stand in a huge pile of crap and have to search for the gold nuggets on your own.

​

As suggested, start watching other funny people and deconstruct why their humor works. If there's no improv class, pick some improv games from online and practice with a trusted friend. Learn how to tease women and practice.

Also, I haven't read these books yet but I've heard great things: The Comic Toolbox and The Comedy Bible.

There are a lot of good body language books. The video you linked explaining why books don't work is stupid, he makes no good points.

This is how you learn from a body language book: Read the book. Consciously pay attention to the body language of people around you and notice when they perform things that you read about. It's that easy. He'll I would argue that is a much better way to learn because you're getting real examples rather than just watching a video and trying to play copy cat. Point it, books are good.

Use this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

Read this: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1dd13a/above_the_game_part_3_body_language_how_to/

If anyone is interested, there is a book outlining many of these suggestions and how to practice them so they become second nature. It has been a fantastic resource for me so I thought I would pass it along. The book is entitled: The Charisma Myth and is available on Amazon for under $12.00. Here is a link for those interested. http://www.amazon.com/The-Charisma-Myth-Personal-Magnetism/dp/1591845947

it's not just about having a gym membership, make sure you use it! The biggest obstacle for me was ignorance of what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

Read this so you understand the what and why.
http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-3rd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0982522738/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395930051&sr=8-1&keywords=starting+strength

Watch these so you understand the how.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMAiNQJ6FPc&list=PLNhFKPjedRnRrgZbcM1TbI7YTD0pxqMgH

Never let yourself NOT go to the gym for more than 3 consecutive days. Put in the work for just a couple weeks and you'll see great results!

And remember, "learn before you load". Don't be that guy who tries to do too much too soon.

Good luck!

• The Comic Toolbox by John Vorhaus <-- Learn to make jokes
  
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle <-- For inner game
  
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey <-- Not necessarily pickup-related, but it's good overall life advice.

The best book I've read on the topic is The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

http://www.amazon.com/The-Manual-What-Women-Want/dp/1456494554

have you heard of starting strength before?

nothing like heavy-ass squats and deadlifts to improve your appearance :-)

What I mentioned a metaphorical friend, somebody that can keep your secrets and won't judge you. I'm sorry that I brought you to that state of mind. How about a sibling or a family member? As soon as you start trying to help people with problems similar to yours, you realize how unfairly judgemental you are towards yourself.

I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do or how you feel, but I have a feeling that you are in a mental rut. Depression often carries with it physical symptoms such as lethargic posture and low energy voice. People can sense that and are put off by it, just as you would avoid a person with a dripping nose and a cough.

It's a cliche but how do you expect people to like/love you if can't have those feeling towards yourself?
I recommend you focus on yourself first before anything else, get some professional help if need be.

The way you replied to my simple question on which dance move it was, it displays to me that you not only have a passion for dancing but that you also put other people ahead of yourself.

If you have the time, I urge you to read This and This

And if you feel like you want to talk, send me a PM. Good vibes <3

Is the book you were thinking of The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida? The cover matches your description - it's an image of the Vitruvian Man by da Vinci.

Well, after I read the sample chapter on his website, it is almost a direct rip-off of this guy: The Alabaster Girl

Not sure if the entire book is like this, but it sure doesn't seem original or new.

I know 2 that are worth the read.

• What Every BODY Is Saying - An ex FBI agent's guide to speed reading people - Joe Navarro
  
  
• The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease, Allan Pease

http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

Excuse my wording, it was "of Body Language" not on.

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

Link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723


|Country|Link|
|:-----------|:------------|
|UK|amazon.co.uk|
|Spain|amazon.es|
|France|amazon.fr|
|Germany|amazon.de|
|Japan|amazon.co.jp|
|Canada|amazon.ca|
|Italy|amazon.it|
|China|amazon.cn|




This bot is currently in testing so let me know what you think by voting (or commenting).

https://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468224790&sr=1-1&keywords=the+manual+what+women+want+and+how+to+give+it+to+them

[W Anton] (http://www.amazon.com/Manual-What-Women-Want-Give/dp/1456494554)

Read this:

https://www.amazon.ca/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

And this:

https://www.amazon.ca/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493323357&sr=1-1&keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+fck

http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

The definitive book of body language - has been mentioned on seddit in the past several times. Some people mention "What everybody is saying"

I read this book recently and it helped a lot. Do something greate in life. Go for the hot girl, or for the promotion, or the raise.... or ask out that tirl you'v always wanted to. It will work one time, guaranted, and when it dose, you'lll never forget that feeling. And you will own it and know that you cna do anythiung.

edit: I was hammered drunk when I wrote this. Please excuse the many spelling/grammatical errors.