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This is very important and serious stuff.

The first question you need to answer is: "Do I want to live my life with a woman who doesn't love me?" You DESERVE to live your life with a woman who loves you, but whether you want that is up to you. I guess there are people who are happy to have a loveless marriage. If this is you, ignore the rest of my comment.

If you want to live your life with a woman who loves you, understand that this was part of the deal you accepted in marriage: to be loved in return. Right now you are not receiving your part of the deal, and that's not fair to you. She also deserves to live her life with a man she loves, and anything less isn't fair to her, either. If she can't ever give you that love, then the appropriate course of action is to end the marriage and find someone who CAN do that for each other.

But I hear that you want to work on it, and that's a great course of action. It's totally possible for you guys to change so that she can rediscover those feelings of affection.

My point is that this is a very serious situation. In the long run, this will end in unhappiness and probably divorce. Facing that kind of future, it's OK to take drastic action here. In fact, this is the time when you SHOULD be taking drastic action! People change jobs, move houses, and even move states to save their marriages. This is THAT kind of action time.

No matter what, I can promise you that just waiting to "see where things go" is going to end in unhappiness and divorce, if you have any self respect. Without effort and (usually) help, "where things go" is more of the same. And that's not fair to you, to her, OR to your child. This will take work, and she has to be willing to do that work with you.

The most important thing is that both of you want to work on this. It won't work if it's just you. So sit down with your wife and talk about it. Tell her that she deserves to be in a relationship with a man she loves, you deserve to be in a relationship with a woman who loves you, and your child deserves to grow up with an example of a healthy, loving relationship. You want that woman, that relationship, to be the two of you together. If you can get her to agree to work with you to try and rekindle the affection between you, then it's a green light to go ahead. If she refuses, then there's actually no hope here.

Assuming you get that green light, this is how you work on a relationship:

• get to a couples therapist. I hear that she doesn't want to, but if she wants to work on the relationship, that's how you do it. Remember that this is a joint decision; just because she doesn't want to doesn't mean it's off the table if YOU want it. Saying she wants to fix the relationship but doesn't want to go to a therapist is like saying you want to fix the car but don't want to involve a repairman.
  
• While you hunt for a therapist (and it takes some looking to find someone you both like/trust), look for books and resources that can give you ideas for where to direct your efforts. You should BOTH be doing this. Some good resources: marriagebuilders.com, the 5 love languages, marriedmansexlife.com, No More Mister Nice Guy. These resources helped me and my wife recover our relationship, and there are others. Read them together.
  
• Set a weekly meeting time to talk about how you've been feeling about each other over the last week. put it on the calendar, and go out of the house for the meeting. This is when you can talk about what seemed to work, and what didn't. What moments where she felt good, and when she didn't.
  
• recognize that this is your problem too: you guys have built a relationship where only one side is feeling the love, and TOGETHER you have to fix it so that both sides feel it. She is feeling the symptoms, she can help you figure out where some of the problems lie, but you both will have to work to fix it.
  
• Work on yourself. Take up a hobby that you've always wanted to do, and return to an old hobby that you haven't gotten to do in a long time. Take the time to do things for you, because you deserve it. These activities seem trivial, but they go a long way towards anchoring you in this difficult time.
  
• Last, but I have to say it: sometimes people say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" because they've found someone else who gives them a hormonal rush the way you don't anymore. If your gut is telling you to be jealous of a male friend of hers, trust it and do what it takes to satisfy YOURSELF that there's nothing going on there.
  
  Good luck, friend.

Hmm. Sounds like a lot of negative bias (...went and got better friends...How do you know?). Unless you suspect/know that as a friend, you haven't had any real practice at making, having and keeping a good friend or two. I've known people who had tons of friends, and were always going off to do something or other in some group or another. That wasn't and isn't me.

First things first, let's get rid of the negativity. This book was recommended to me by my therapist. I link it this way so you can read the reviews and an excerpt. It's been in print for over 20 years, so there's definitely something there. I have given several copies as gifts to friends and family.

I felt better (in a "Hey! I'm OK! And it's going to get better") -kind of way, after the first section (50 pages). If you can be honest with yourself, you can change the way the life looks.

Since it's been in print so long, it's almost definitely at your local library.

Oh, and the "being a better friend" part of everything? It will take some concentration, and maybe even some list-making, but, can you picture the person you admire most, because of the way they treat people?

That's the template for you. Write down everything that impresses/pleases/surprises you about that person.

There's your "personal improvement list". But I'll spot you one. If you want to become closer to someone you've met, ask if there are any "get around to it" projects you could help them with. Shared labor, donating time for a less-than-wonderful task just because you like the person, these are some of the things that cement a friendship. Go out of your way to help the people you really like, ask nothing in return, and come and go from their presence with a smile on your face. You will be thought of as a good person to be around just on those qualities alone. "Cast your bread upon the waters" is the way the Christian Bible puts it


Friendship is either stupid easy, or it requires some maintenance, like perennial plants. But as Vince Lombardi said, "Once you set a goal for yourself, the price you pay is immaterial".

If you believe you can be a better level of friend, you've got nothing to lose but your loneliness by trying to help yourself attain that goal by changing your worldview, vis-a-vis what it is that makes a "real" friend. If you ask 25 people what makes a good friend, I bet you get 18 different answers. Just find the right ones for you.

Not too late at all, I'm so pleased you have decided to participate this year.

Sometimes accomplishments aren't big or memorable, even if you didn't do anything life changing this year I'm sure you accomplished things in your daily life - getting good grades for example, making your parents proud, being there for a friend, facing a fear, overcoming a hardship, and so on.

I think it can be helpful to plan out how you are going to achieve your goals. So...

1. For goal 1, you'd like to gain weight and get stronger. How much weight would you like to gain? How are you going to get stronger? Maybe you could go to the gym x times per week? Or do x amount of deadlifts/bench press (or whatever it is, I don't know anything about lifting haha).
   
   
2. Goal 2 is to be more confident. There's loads of threads and subreddits about confidence, as well as Youtube channels such as Elliot Hulse and Robin Sharma, and books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People.
   
   
3. I think if you achieve goals 1 and 2 you will stand a better chance of achieving goal 3 (to get into a relationship). And goal 4 (getting your life together) will be a combination of all of your goals.
   
   
4. Find out what you really want. So I assume since you said A-Levels you are from the UK (me too) and it seems that you're either in the last year of college or in year 11?
   
   What subjects have you chosen to study in college? What decisions are people trying to push you towards? Maybe writing it out here will help to organise your thoughts. I recommend taking a few of those online 'career decider' quizzes, I think Ucas do one. They're surprisingly helpful!
   
   It's great that you are travelling to Indonesia and will get to experience new cultures, but I recommend that you don't go there with an expectation to 'find out what you really want'. It's just that I've seen many, many people my age (22) do the same sort of thing and they come back with more confidence and lots of great stories and memories from their trip, but it didn't really help them in deciding on a career path. I think it would be beneficial to speak to a careers advisor at college or spend lots of time researching possible careers online.
   
   Well, that's all for now! Hope it helped :)

You seem like you made a lot of the right steps, man. It sucks about the best friend thing. I've been there too. Doing stuff all the time like picking up hobbies or exploring your state would be great ways to keep your mind off of things. I'm really glad you hit the gym. The best thing you can be doing is working on yourself right now. Don't let anyone tell you how long you need to get over it either. You'll know when you are and when it's time to let go. If you care for reading at all then definitely pick up a few books. Listening to podcasts is another really great thing for getting over the loss. I liked listening to things like Snap Judgment and This American Life. It just helped to hear stories of other people lives. Hearing their struggles and successes, it just helps.
As for dating someone else -http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
This book did wonders for me. This book is not about how to get laid ten times a week or whatever. It's more about how to be yourself and be okay with that. You'll get through the depression, man. You've learned a lot from this experience and you'll come out the other side stronger. You know more now about how you want to love and be loved, how you think you ought to be as a friend or a lover.
Good luck, man.

Got a book for you, OP. This book was (I wish they would sticky this comment or the link, because this is the real deal) recommended to me by my therapist, who has met the author a couple of times. He says Dr. Burns is as nice a person as you could meet.

This book, now in print >20 years, solved problems I didn't even know I had. Since reading it, I also have not been subject to the type of depression that would hit me and exacerbate my PTSD. I have the tools to just "make it go away". It's effing awesome.

Perfectionism is right in Dr. Burns' "wheelhouse". You will find the tools there to eliminate it. It's a faulty POV, and he shows you the why, the how, and from there, if you want the "who" and the "when", you can probably get them, too.

Don't get me wrong. I despise self-help books. Almost all of them are a long version of either "Quick, like yesterday, take advantage of special circumstances that are not generally available any longer", or "First, Pull Yourself Up By The Hair".

David Burns, MD. has written a life-changing book. I recommend it most highly to anyone who has a desire to "clear out some clutter" in their mind. Or anyone looking for more internal peace.

I will tell you a secret. In the time period up to reading Dr. Burns' book, I was addressing myself, in my "inner voice" as, "expletive". Yup. A great all-round mood-lightener, don't you think? Dr. Burns made me aware that, among other things, how you address yourself, in your inner voice, can make worlds of difference in how you face the world.

Peace

GREAT!

My favorite book is The Natural Way to Draw by Kimon Nicolaides. Extremely intelligent book on drawing. Great for an intellectual introvert. https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Way-Draw-Working-Study/dp/0395530075

If you like forums, take your choice, actually there are many forums at wetcanvas... it looks like there are two here, open critique or structured...http://www.wetcanvas.com/forums/channels.php?s=&channel_id=12

Disclaimer: I'll be talking my own experiences in hopes of helping you understand yours (as much as I can at least, because I'm far from healthy myself)

You sound like me, and I sound like this. I need to see a therapist about this and I'm not going to try to say that I know why you feel the way you do, but I do know how you feel.

Before I write anything else my biggest advice is never satisfy that fear of being alone with a committed relationship. And understand our species sexuality before getting into a committed relationship. I recommend Sex At Dawn, there's an audio book on audible too. The reason I say this is because I felt for years and years that if I found that right person I'd be happy. And when I did I was. And now I feel trapped and imprisoned and too scared for fear of the pain it will cause to do anything about it. I rushed into it because of my fear of being alone, and the fact that I get shockingly attached to new relationships. Sorry for the tangent but I don't want to see others make such mistakes.

I've realized things about myself (like codependency issues) that explain a lot about me. And I realized that I have been seeking to ease my own pain through alcohol, weed (its been about 4 years now though), and relationships. I recommend you learn about yourself with the help of a therapist. There's no shame in that at all. It takes quite a bit of courage to be honest.

I know what you mean about the attached/detached thing, they talk about it in the codependency link I shared. It's not healthy though. I know the feeling of meeting a girl, getting her contact, then as soon as we part ways I feel sick to my stomach with missing her and anxiety. I am very detached however with a lot of family members, like I can't express myself. It very debilitating.

Lastly, for now at least, don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. You don't have to be everyone's friend but I find it very helpful to just talk to new people. Go out by yourself with the intention of having a good time - not to get laid, or make a friend, but just have a good time. If you talk a girl/guy and they reject you smile and wish them the best (verbally or non-verbally). If you get a weird look from someone laugh about it - odds are they are going through their own shit. They are not the "normal police" out to find people going through something.

There's so much more I'd like to say but it's getting long, but it helps me to write this shit out so I don't mind at all.

Since you can't afford a therapist, the next best thing might be the sort of therapeutic approach you'd likely take if you were able to see a therapist. One of the major schools of modern therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, and one of its pioneers has written a book called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Personally, I found it incredibly helpful in fixing some extremely negative thought patterns I held for a long time.

Studying ethics also helped me a lot, as it inspired a sense of greater purpose and a duty to others. There's plenty on the subject to read, and I especially recommend Ancient Greek philosophy, as it is a bit less abstract and more focused on the individual and how to live a good and fulfilling life. You could start by reading about Aristotle's virtue ethics, which focuses on good character.

Hi,

I just published a short ebook on Amazon on how to raise self esteem and gain more confidence! It might be interesting to some of you here so check it out! It is only 1,14$ but if you don't want to pay that, I can make it available for free, just contact me. An honest review after would be very much appreciated! Check it out:

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Confidence-Improvement-Development-ebook/dp/B07JBQTHSM/

Do you understand what porn addiction is: and in depth interview:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHGDwMOOfas&feature=youtu.be

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First try to see a CSAT counsler, a specialist in addiction therapy, for both the addict and the partner of the addict. Having someone explain the intricacies of the disease, how it effects the brain, and what it takes to beat it is they only way to understand what you both are faced with. https://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/

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Recovery treatment centers: http://www.lifestarnetwork.com/ http://www.pinegrovetreatment.com/

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There are SAA meetings https://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/UnitedStates/ On-line program for the SA: https://www.drglover.com/tpi-university/sons-of-ulysses.html

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On-line here is a recovery worksheet: https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/

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Here is a good article about 12 step programs, it talks about AA and drug programs, but sexaholism is right there with them: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2018/08/24/to-ben-affleck-and-other-addicts-heres-my-message-to-from-one-alcoholic-to-another.html

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Also do a little reading, get the book Out of the Shadows, by Patrick Carnes. It will give you a real life view of what a sexaholic faces on the road to recovery. Another good book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Can-Do-About-Me-ebook/dp/B00AVBERGG

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For any person who has experienced trauma (and partners of sexaholics are exactly that)...this is relevant, please watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYVAQk8WG-Q

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If you want to block XXX sites from your computer Here is a simple way to do so: https://cleanbrowsing.org/for-adults Or this is considered the best: K9 Web Protection: http://www1.k9webprotection.com

Blocking porn on your computer:

https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/9ueez4/a_comprehensive_guide_to_blocking_porn_on_your/

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You can block NSFW subreddits in the settings of reddit:

Reddit app: Settings>Turn off "I'm over 18 years old, show NSFW"

On pc: Click your username in top right corner> Settings> News Feed> Turn off "Show NSFW"

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Here is an app for the SA's phone: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.androidapp.watchme

Block incognito mode https://www.technipages.com/chrome-disable-incognito-mode

Blocking software: Qustodio

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If you use chrome, you can use Block Site to block subreddits.

https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/block-site-website-blocke/eiimnmioipafcokbfikbljfdeojpcgbh

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Daily Help: https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/amyxj7/15_observationstipspieces_of_advice_from_8_years/

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Need daily accountability join this group app: download WhatsApp. It requires a cellphone number. Check in daily and whenever we have urges. We also have a spreadsheet on google docs to record our progress. We do weekly challenges. For example: wake up st 5 am everyday, cold showers for a week, 100 pushups everyday for a week. We give each other advice and help others who suffer with anxiety and depression. Labled Study Group.

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Here is a good resource for learning about stopping this in in your life. https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/2mfxyi/concrete_tips_for_staying_away_from_porn/

Join: https://www.joinfortify.com/

Here is a reddit sub for addicts r/pornfree r/pornfreewomen

Podcasts: https://recoveredman.com/category/pfr/

More podcasts: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06qhs5t/episodes/downloads

Another podcast: https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/43txf-388e1/Pornfree-Radio-Porn-Addiction-%7C-Recovery-%7C-Help-%7C-Pornography-Freedom-Podcast

Magazine for addicts: The Fix https://www.thefix.com/search/site/porn?page=11

Porn Reboot: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbqaPKeiNW6R6LECHwQkRug

Hypnosis for porn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmpwZf5Rono

Twitter: https://twitter.com/gabedeem

REBoot Nation: http://www.rebootnation.org/

Universal Man: https://youtu.be/SYPvu-uKlLE

A great set of videos on pornography: https://brainheartworld.org/watch/the-world/

How porn portrays women: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU&feature=youtu.be

Meditation device that has had great success: https://choosemuse.com/

POdcast: https://recoveredman.com/

Website: https://endsexualexploitation.org/resources/

Inspirational videos: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYxygfc_ytlOlPdpx1MAafA

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Pornfree listening: https://www.patreon.com/mattdobschuetzNoah B.E. Church - Addicted to Internet Porn: https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1&q=Noah+B.E.+Church

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/miscellaneous-resources/your-brain-in-the-cybersex-jungle-radio-show-archived-shows-2013-2014/mark-queppet-discusses-tips-for-eliminating-porn-use-show-28/

The Five Love Languages.

It's really helpful if you can get past the somewhat 'touchy feely' aspect of it. Definitely worth the read, especially if you get the version with the 'quiz' in the back. helps partners determine each others' love language.

The more you care about the people you are talking to face-to-face, the more people will notice. If you smile when you are talking on the phone, it is detectable on a subconscious level. But the trick is not in the talking. An effort to "speak from the diaphragm" will deepen you voice slightly.

But the secret to being well-thought-of is to LISTEN. To everyone who holds a conversation with you. If you do not have a very good memory, write things down. People's birthdays, the names of their kids, dogs.

Another way to look at it is "you can't learn a thing while you're talking".


Finally, something to jump-start the whole shebang: Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy.

First of all, I despise self-help books. This one is different. There is no jargon. I was literally feeling better about myself before I finished the first chapter. Yes, I know how facile and "happily ever after" that sounds. I am not lying. The book showed me how to approach data in a more productive manner.

It's probably available in the library.

Peace

Just read the TL;DR, but I will say this:

In my marriage, my husband LOVESSSSS birthdays. He wants a parade in his honor, a cake and a huge party and a big deal to be made ALL DAY LONG. He's crazy about it. I don't particularly care about my birthday. I would be better off if people just forgot about it. As such, I forget that other people really like a big deal to be made. I'm really crappy at birthdays and frequently drop the ball on his....so, yes, it is possible to drop the ball on a birthday yet still care about a person.

You might consider reading 5 Love Languages. It explains how some people can find a certain kind of love important while the other finds it non-important. Once you learn what is important to your SO, these sort of mistakes will not happen with the same regularity.

> should I stop trying?

Absolutely not, this is reason to keep trying. You just haven't met your true friends yet, but you will eventually.

If people aren't returning the invites or hanging out, drop them and move onto other people. It's pretty much like dating in that regard, you'll get time wasters and flaky people however if you rummage through enough shit you'll eventually find some treasure worth keeping!


On a side note, I keep hearing people recommending the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. I'm not sure if it is any use to you (I haven't got round to reading it yet, procrastination..) but thought i'd mention it anyway.

I have just started reading Allen Carr's The Easy Way To Stop Smoking after hearing all of the amazing reviews. So far it seems like a good read, and supposedly it helps you to quit with minimal to no withdrawal symptoms.

One of the points that I really like about it so far, is it tells you to not think about the process as "quitting smoking" because that makes it sound like you are sacrificing something. Instead, you are actually escaping the trap of smoking.

A while back I bought a bidet attachment for my toilet (only $35, including shipping from Amazon), and it works flawlessly, so as a result, they're all no wipe shits for me. A nice bonus was that when I recently fucked up my wiping hand, I didn't have to attempt to wipe with my other hand since I had the bidet to take care of everything. I'll never go back to wiping now that I've seen the light :)

it's good that you at least have an understanding boss! i would still try to branch out if you have healthcare that covers mental health services. a lot of primary care physicians don't really understand or care about treating mood disorders. you can do a quick search on amazon for what would suit you best but i personally liked using this book when i was struggling more severely with my obsessive compulsive disorder. if you're not interested in paying money for something like that, a lot of books in this genre are easy to find around the internet too. hope that helps at least a little bit!

For an interesting read on this topic, there's a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" amazon that does a pretty thorough breakdown on the "Nice Guy" who never gets ahead and what they can do about it.

Turns out a lot of things that the "Nice Guys" do aren't very nice and are what are turning women off, not the need for "jerks".

You might have a mild case of OCD. My brother was diagnosed that way. One of his main symptoms was having to wash himself multiple times in the shower, resulting in 2 hr long showers consistently. Or he would have to lock the door to our house like 30 times in a row, just to make sure it was locked. He's been seeing a therapist for a few months and he has improved greatly.

I'm no expert, but the way you described your symptoms reminded me of my brother. What worked for him was a therapist, an OCD CBT workbook and some SSRI medication.

Edit: https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483290266&sr=8-1&keywords=ocd+workbook

I believe that's the book my brother is using. You can do it yourself, but a therapist will make a world of difference. Good luck.

You need this book. Recommended by my therapist. Turned my life around by turning the way I thought around.

It's inexpensive, and you can feel the increase of positive feedback in your attitude pretty much right away.

Allen Carr has an amazing book that helped me quit my 5 year smoking addiction. I highly recommend it. This book will free you of cigarettes for life.

The fact that he played it cool when you first met and didn't overly peruse you is actually the perfect play according to the The Mystery Method. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mystery-Method-Erik-von-Markovik/dp/0312360118

Thanks.

Most artists rehash their work again and again. It's the baby steps approach. Draw the same thing everyday, it'll get better.

I have posted only finished art, I'll PM you the link.

Once I post more of the evolution of this project, I can share the link here.

Here's a rule to follow from Kimon Nicolaides author of the Natural Way To Draw. Draw half a page everyday.

He give more directions but that will do it. You'll see incredible progress quickly. My contribution to the daily drawing is draw the same things differently everyday.

https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Way-Draw-Working-Study/dp/0395530075

Yoooo dawg during my time I struggled too but this book helped alot idk if it'll help u but it certainly made it much more easier to go through n I really can't thank this book enough

https://www.amazon.ca/How-Become-Straight-Student-Unconventional/dp/0767922719

This is actually a pretty good book. Being a "nice guy" isn't actually a good thing.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

The last time I saw someone on reddit have this problem, this was linked: http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814

I've never had a chance to read it (I might do soon), but I've heard it's very good.

Also, here's a summary if you're super lazy: http://sameffect.com/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary/

hot climate:

https://www.amazon.com/haoduoyi-Womens-Casual-Waist-Strawberry/dp/B01HW4N0FS/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=kawaii+dress&qid=1559288959&s=gateway&sr=8-4

cold climate:

https://www.amazon.com/Prints-Casual-Cotton-Dresses-Spring/dp/B079K73S9R/ref=sr_1_18_sspa?keywords=kawaii+dress&qid=1559288959&s=gateway&sr=8-18-spons&psc=1

shoes:

https://www.amazon.com/Hot-Chocolate-Design-Chocolaticas-Multicoloured/dp/B01LOJR5C6?ref_=w_bl_sl_ap_sh_web_7830324011

https://www.amazon.com/Chase-Chloe-Womens-Pumps-Shoes-Greywhite/dp/B0741CLHYN/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=mary+janes&qid=1559289303&s=gateway&sr=8-6

tried to make it cheap! hope I can help!

first of all, you are more than capable of doing well. if you plan well and work hard in a college environment, you will find success.

buy and read this book. take it seriously. it has some great advice.

go to class. no excuses. you will end up spending exponentially more time covering the material on your own than if you just went to class.

about the phone thing: i have trouble with it, too. you need to stay out of your room as much as possible and study in a public place, preferably a place where other students are studying (like a library). i can't stress this enough. every time you go into your room, you're going to end up wasting at least a half an hour on the internet (like i'm doing right now).

if at all possible, don't bring your phone or laptop or any internet-capable device with you to class or to the library. you can't get distracted by the internet if you don't have access to it. i'm twice as productive when i don't have my laptop with me. if you can afford it, buy hard copies of your textbooks.

In case anyone in the US is looking to get a bidet on the cheap, head to Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Astor-Non-Electric-Mechanical-Toilet-Attachment/dp/B003TPGPUW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415232914&sr=8-1&keywords=bidet

$26 is all you need.

I had a similar model in my old apartment. It took like 15 minutes to set up and it was easy to remove when I moved. It gets water from the supply line for your toilet, so be sure you're okay with whatever temperature that happens to be at. If not, spring for a model that has some mode of controlling the water temperature. A stream of ice cold water on your asshole is not pleasant.

FYI you can make Amazon links even shorter by removing the product name, so your link would become this:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01BB2S0L6
Maybe you knew this already but wanted to keep the name there for referencing, but just FYI if you didn't know.

> There is a book that I think is called "The seven languages of love" which explains that some see physical contact as a sign of love.

Would you mind linking that book. There are some titles that are similar but nothing that matches what you mentioned exactly.

Edit: I found two, both by the same author - one is specifically aimed at men. Link 1 ... Link 2

Are either of these the one you were thinking of?

I cut that first quote off at that point because that's where I snorted with laughter. Including the full thing doesn't actually make it any more reasonable! The fact that you don't understand that would seem to be one of those flaws I'm referring to later on. I never said that I knew everything about you specifically, I just pointed out that people who love to stew in their bitterness and blame women for the fact that they're permavirgins usually have other shit going on that they're not aware of. You're obviously a pretty unpleasant person, so I have no real reason to help you (beyond making my own Reddit experience less facepalm-worthy), but I'm gonna recommend you check out this book and see if anything resonates.

Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy Changed my life. In print for >twenty years. Recommended to me by my therapist.

You should check out this book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy", it describes exactly all this and gives some good exercises for how to overcome the shame, anxiety, and guilt that drives these behaviors. Overall a fantastic book.

That said, my only gripe about that book is that the section that covers the "why I do this" (upbringing, familial relationships, gender identity, etc) is a bit forced and, at times, borderline counterproductive. I actually prefer the explanations given in a book called "Anxious to Please." A lot of the same basic concepts are covered as in the Nice Guy book but the way it's explained is much more intuitive, and I think it is a lot broader in its relevance to people.

People have given you some good advice. In the meantime, this book may help you with your depression. It's under $10. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Just throwing this out there for everyone. I bought one of these 2 and a half years ago and it's still going strong. Bullseye every single time. Women can even lean forward slightly and wash their mommy parts. I would pay triple for another if mine broke down.

Find and read this

Most of my life has been similar to yours, and I've made it through 40+ years so far.

I don't claim that this book will solve your problems, nor do I know your history or current life circumstances. But, try reading this.