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I had practiced meditation for many years before watching the video, but I had not focused much attention on happiness while meditating. Thus, while benefiting to some extent from meditation, I had not realized the potential benefits of monitoring my levels of happiness while meditating. Before watching the video, I had monitored my thoughts, but I didn't pay much attention to my emotions, other than to notice how negative emotions often led to more intrusive thoughts, making meditation more difficult.

Also, I noticed in the video that the experiments performed using the "Olympic champions of mind training" as subjects, asked them, "to put their mind in a state where there's nothing but loving kindness, total availability to sentient being," later described as meditating on compassion. After watching the talk, I began to explore different ways to meditate with a compassionate perspective. I had done some of that kind of meditating before I saw the talk, but after seeing the talk, I began to put more emphasis on compassion in my meditations.


Something clicked for me about this part of the talk that made so much sense when I heard it. I had already noticed in my life how it made me happy when I did things to help others. So, I could see how maintaining a compassionate perspective during meditation could have happiness benefits. It made sense that putting something like that into practice on a daily basis could have significant benefits. Plus, as I learned from the talk, scientific experiments even offered evidence for that idea. This led me to begin experimenting with how I meditated. I started monitoring my level of happiness while meditating and I began to explore many different ways to meditate with a compassionate perspective.

Finally, I did not miss the point made at the end of the talk about the importance of putting our compassion into action. I found that by focusing on compassion during meditation, it made me a more compassionate person. In my day to day activities, I watch for opportunities to do even small things that help others. Again, I know that my level of happiness benefits from those acts of kindness. Our lack of compassion makes us less happy and our acts of compassion make us more happy.

If you find the talk interesting, I recommend reading, Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves. The author, Sharon Begley, is a journalist who served as the science editor and science columnist for Newsweek. The book describes the relatively recent history of scientific discoveries about neural plasticity. The book goes into great detail about the back story behind the brain scan experiments performed on Buddhist meditators. I found it a well written tale, with a firsthand account of regular meetings where western scientists met with the Dalai Lama to have discussions about the consensus of scientists on topics related to mind training.

OP! Super late reply but i hope you have the time to read. /u/ProphetThief and the children comments for that have awesome advice so I'm not gonna reiterate everything. But I just wanna give you a bit of my own experience, etc. and hope it helps!

Good job on signing up for the gym membership, I think thats the best thing for anyone who is trying to change their mindset. It's not about getting the best body or "GETTING SWOLEE". From my experience going 3-4 times a week lifting heavy weights, really changes your brain (yeah it sounds weird) and you'll feel more positive. Personally, prior to going to the gym, there would be times throughout the day when something "bad" happens, and I'll get all depressed and shit. But after going to the gym consistently, now when something "bad" happens, it's really easy to "force" my mind in a positive direction. IMO it's the best way to break out of a bad mindset.

Secondly, I read below that you like programming. Someone below gave you the link to www.freecodecamp.com which should be pretty good. I believe they teach HTML/CSS/Javascript, which is good for front-end and back-end, which means if you like web development, that's literally the most minimal amount of languages you'd need to learn. Maybe a goal you can have for the time being is to learn these skills while thinking of a cool web application that you can make. That way by the time you feel comfortable developing in those languages, you can build a project. Then you can learn new tools and build more projects with those new that. And you just keep doing this. After while you'll have a bunch of awesome projects you can put on a resume and you'll have the skills to back it up. I'll link you to some of the stuff that I found useful:

-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB0WvcxTbCA (So you know what technologies you should learn. Yeah i know it says 2015, but it still applies)

-http://www.amazon.com/Cracking-Coding-Interview-6th-Edition/dp/0984782850 (So you know what it takes to get a dev job)

I hope you get the chance to read this and I hope it helps! GL MAN!

Just by making this post you have already taken the first step. I wish I could have recognized everything you posted at your age. I was pretty much the same, playing halo 3 and cod 4 and never really studying for tests. I got a decent grade on my SAT and got into an okay state school. But if I had the habits I have now when I was a sophomore I honestly could have gotten into an ivy or a top tier school. It's no use looking to the past in regret, because if I didn't do so poorly early on, I might have never decided to change my life for the better.


So you have this desire to improve yourself but you have to make this a burning desire. You have to really, really want to be the best version of yourself. Otherwise you will dabble in changing your life for a week but end up going back to your old habits. Close your eyes and visualize yourself being ranked in the top ten of your class academically. Visualize your self getting into an ivy, reading the classics, and becoming a great programmer. Really feel how good this things will be. See your parents proud of you and your friends awestruck. It's important to do this as it makes you release those feel good endorphin's. These endorphin's will override your feelings of apathy and laziness.

So now moving on to practical things in no specific order:

• Watch these series of lectures: harvard positive psychology
  
  
• Get a journal and write down your specific goals. BY HAND. Don't type this up.
  
  
• Read up on mindfulness
  
  
• Workout
  
  
• Sleep 9 hours a night. Don't be up playing video games all night, don't use your tv, laptop, or cell phone 2 hours before bed. Take this time to read. When you regularly sleep 9 hours a night your mind becomes clear and your body fresh.
  
  
• For video games, limit the time you spend on them to no more than an hour a day. If it doesn't work then try cutting them out completely. It is often easier to remove a negative habit than attempt to moderate it. When you get the urge to play them do another pleasurable activity. Workout, talk to girls, read a book.. etc
  
  *I read this article: read to lead and have devoured books ever since. I usually read a 2:1 nonfiction to fiction ratio. Start with harry potter and work your way up lol.
  
  
• School wise nothing helped more than cal new ports book
  
  
• A lot of the things in the book may seem really obvious to a person who already has good habits. But I wasn't one of those guys. Once I applied his organizational strategies, my GPA went from a 2.9 to a 3.7 a semester later.
  
  
• For programming head over to r/learnprogramming and they'll help you out. It's important not to get paralyzed with all the information. Don't get caught up with all the different options. Just pick a language (i'd go python) and start learning it.
  
  Keep in mind that all the resources are out there waiting for you to use them. This is actually the easy part. The knowledge has always been out there. Applying this knowledge daily is what will change your life. View your mind as a muscle and every time you don't play videogames, you are strengthening it. Every time you finish and entire book you are strengthening it.

cracks knuckles

Here's my top /insert quantity here/. I read these all regularly (most once a year, some of the smaller ones, once a quarter), and listen to them during my commute more than is perhaps strictly healthy (might as well make good use of the time.)

• The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Classon (Great book about money management, but also very useful inspiration for digging yourself out of a hole. The audiobook is particularly well read.) "Die in the desert? NOT I!"
  
• Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. The title is a little bit misleading and the language, being almost 100 years old, is a little hokey. But don't let that stop you. Every self-help/success/motivational book written since this contains a small fragment of the information that's in here.
  
• As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. This is a tiny little book. But it's absolutely impeccable. It would be easier to call it a work of philosophy than anything else. But it distills everything down so very well that it can't be ignored. The unabridged audio version (from Brilliance Audio) is exceptional, and only about an hour long. I just re-listened to this on my way home today.
  
• Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude also by Napoleon Hill with W. Clement Stone I came across this before I read Think And Grow Rich, so maybe I have a soft spot for it. But it's one of the few that I read pretty frequently.
  
• Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life by Larry Winget. Larry's awesome. He's written a lot of books and they all say more or less the same thing, so I couldn't really recommend more than one of them, though I think I've read 6 or 7. He doesn't pull punches and he doesn't coddle.
  
• Do The Work by Steven Pressfield. This one is relatively new to me. I just finished it yesterday. It's a great little work about Resistance; the things that get in our way when we set out on a project, big or small. He talks in a pretty practical way about the phases of bringing an idea to life and the setbacks that seem strangely common to most endeavors. His writing is a little unrefined an colloquial. But I found it refreshing. I highly recommend it.
  
• How To Read A Person Like A Book by Gerald Nierenberg Since you mentioned body language specifically, this is my favorite. It's been a long time since I've read it. But it was extremely enlightening.
  
  That ought to do it. It's really all there. Plus, if you start searching around through that kind of stuff, you'll undoubtedly find more that you're drawn to for one reason or another.
  
  There are a couple well known names that are intentionally absent. Tony Robbins, for one. Tony is keen to blow sunshine up your ass so that you buy his next book, bigger program, seminar, etc. If that's the kind of thing you need, read The Giant Within. I can't stand his stuff. I find it patronizing and egomaniacal.
  
  AMA. I've read hundreds of these things.
  
  Enjoy o/
  

two thoughts come to mind:

a) My best progress is made when I do it. I stopped talking about what I'm going to do, and just started doing it. You've got your own chemistry going on, so you get to write your own destiny here, but be aware that for some folks, talking about it is the demise that starts the inaction.

B) I've also had incredible progress assigning a reward cycle to my doing. after I've eaten the proverbial frog, or done something on my goal list, I take a few seconds to appreciate it and congratulate myself on it. It seems a bit silly and conceited to hear me say it this way, but it helps.

One of the issues with bad habits is that they are habits. so we have to find a cycle to replace them. and working with the brain chemistry is no doubt a feasible path. it helps replace the satisfaction we find in procrastination (and yes, there is a satisfaction in procrastination), with the satisfaction in "doing". and giving your brain the chemical boost from a personal "job well done".

Reform your habits.

Good Luck!

(also: This book is a good start to the idea. it's been critical in helping me piece together the nuggets I've been working with.)

I think /u/JayPetey nailed it below. You're using this as external validation of your self worth. What you need to work on, regardless of the circle of friends that you are around, is self-assure in yourself. How do you do this? You need to build confidence in an area and let that spill over. Set a plan, create small achievable goals, and start taking action. Convince yourself to not be outcome dependent. There are thing you can not influence, so do not make the goal something you cannot fully control. Rather, just reward yourself for taking action in the first place. You'll start to find that it's great to have mentors around you. They save you time and energy by giving you the information without you having to go learn it from scratch on our own.

Don't over think things. The last piece of advice I'll say, be present to the moment. You can literally STOP those thoughts in your head. How do you do this? Fully embrace the now. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Or read Meditation by Marcus Aurelius. Look into meditation. There are ways to ground yourself, embrace who you are, and stop that chattering voice in your head that honestly doesn't do much for you.

DISCLAIMER: I'm about to mention a very controversial topic/subreddit. You don't have to agree with it, just please consider it for a moment.

If you find yourself lonely, and possibly shy with women, I would recommend reading The Game and visiting /r/seduction.
Remember to take EVERYTHING you see with a grain of salt, no ...a shovel of salt. I don't endorse using any of the vocabulary or manipulative practices.

Under all the shit there, you will find some good information. I used to live in a sea of self doubt, fear, and loneliness; not anymore. Studying attraction gave me a sense of confidence that I previously lacked. I can now talk to any woman I want with confidence. Talking to women now no longer scares me. I am able to be myself and confidently know that women will find me attractive. I no longer apply self limitations to my conscious /r/howtonotgiveafuck helps with that.

I am now a happy, confident, balanced person. I am embarrassed to say, but Neil's book The Game has been the best self help book I've read to date.

EDIT: You may already know this, but happiness doesn't come from relationships with women but with friendships with everyone. Studying attraction might not give you happiness but it might be blocking your path too happiness. I couldn't see that before I read The Game, now after learning that I am back on the correct path to happiness.

Just to give some more context, let me list out what I've tried so far:

• I've read through and took notes on [How to Win Friends and Influence People] (http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People-ebook/dp/B003WEAI4E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418222240&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people), Awareness, and No More Mr. Nice Guy (Models is next, followed by the 7 Habits of Highly-Effective People).
  
• Done some social drills where I try to think of 5 compliments for each person in my head while talking to them
  
• I catch myself whenever I am being judgmental and immediately correct my train of thought.
  
• I quickly try to get people talking about what they do for fun as I think that's the best way to gauge what someone is really all about.
  
  Anything else I should try?

Depends, which one's more important and more relevant to your current situation? Prioritize your list, then figure out what are the necessary steps you need to take to complete that task.
Once you complete task #1 for instance, not only do you have to maintain task #1, but now, you add on task #2 to tackle.

There are a lot of books out there to help you become more goal-oriented, 'Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy' and 'The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg' might help you make better habits in your life.

If there is a pattern, this would be it imo. I'm not a pro at this yet, but this is what works for me currently, and hopefully works for you too. Be patient, do what you're supposed to do, and results will follow.

The best bet is a good therapist. If the one you had wasn't working for you, look for another one. (My first therapist was not that helpful. The second one was gold.)

Something else that might help is a quality book written by a professional like Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

Your goal should be to feel good about yourself now. Start with reading, meditation and exercising. Do not make any of those activities too complicated, better to keep as simple as possible, firstly dedicate only 15min of your time per day. Then you start feeling better and your mind will become more functional towards your true desires.

I would see your current situation as a perfect opportunity, a time for yourself, for self growth and development. I really recommend starting your daily journal that you could observe yourself from different perspective and understand reasons for your problems, identify opportunities for improvements and get motivated by seeing what is working and what is not.

Start dreaming and believing, I know it could be hard, but you have to do it. You can open new roads that you never even imagined!


Books to look into

http://www.amazon.com/Man-Thinketh-Life-Changing-Classics-Pamphlet/dp/0937539562

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

http://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Giant-Within-Immediate-Emotional/dp/0671791540

No More Mr Nice Guy

It really helped me turn my life around and get more confidence, real confidence because it help me be okay with people not liking me.

Only americans think/care about having white teeth. You need to travel, nobpody cares what your teeth look like.

But since you asked you can get an at home whitening kit that the same ones the dentists use for like $20 on amazon. Works great.

http://www.amazon.com/Professional-Teeth-Whitening-Thermoform-Instructions/dp/B00AEBYP0G/ref=sr_1_6?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1398089402&sr=1-6&keywords=tooth+whitening+gel

seriously: read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it's awesome, very insightful and helpful. I just read it myself and can really recommend it

You're welcome. My dad's a G.P. and he got copies of these for every one in my family. They are amazing.

Other good ones to look at are:

• Mind Over Mood: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1462520421/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011886&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=mind+over+mood
  
  
• Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244259/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011970&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=get+out+of+your+mind+and+into+your+life
  
  
• The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244992/ref=mp_s_a_1_10?qid=1454012036&sr=8-10&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=act+therapy
  
  
• Full Catastrophe Living: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345536932/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1454012108&sr=8-2&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=jon+kabat+zinn
  
  
• The Mayo Clinic Handbook For Happiness: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0738217859/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012206&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=happiness+mayo+clinic
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/080701429X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012401&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=man%27s+search+for+meaning
  
  
• Awareness - The Perils and Opportunities of Reality: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0385249373/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012475&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=anthony+de+mello
  
  And for a refreshingly new approach:
  
  
• F*ck Feelings - One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1476789991/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012259&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=fuck+your+feelings
  

A whole lot, actually. Way more than can be said in this tiny box. You obviously have a very strong desire to change something about yourself, so I'm sure that you'd be willing to put in the time and effort to research making the improvements on yourself. My advice is to read The New Psycho-cybernetics by Max Maltz, edited by Dan S. Kennedy ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0735202850 ). The book is entirely about developing your self image in a manner in which you see fit for your own self. He speaks specifically about overcoming the issue you raised here, along with the underlying reasons that come with it.

Edit: I a word.

A lot of good suggestions here, but if you could only read one book that will really lead you to a happier life, by having you take actions and making realizations about where you are it's definitely:

"Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Steven Hayes

For some reason your 2nd comment isn't showing up

This is a good suggestion, thank you

I'm looking at this, it looks mostly good apart from some comments on discomfort when side sleeping:
Dream Essentials Escape Luxury Travel and Sleep Mask

What do you think?

This book helped me a lot many years ago to gain a lot of confidence in myself.

New Psycho-Cybernetics

Learn about habit formation. Watch tiny habits or check out the subreddit Xeffect Or read Power of habit.

Then Start som good ones. 16 habits.

I would recommend starting with Meditation or exercise.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
/Aristotle

Stop fapping, and even more so stop porn. It wires your brain to seek instant gratification, which is not what studying can give you. You might want to give up gaming and the Facebook newsfeed too, everything that consists of short action-reward-circuts.

Interesting reads: Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson ($5 Kindle), and The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg ($9 Kindle).

Edit: Added links

A different take on it but a great book! [Link] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003WEAI4E/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003WEAI4E&linkCode=as2&tag=themodmarar00-20&linkId=MB4K4GCLQ5SXFNFB) for the lazy.

More economical version of the white strips.

For reference, I believe the strips are something like 5-10%.

These trays mold to your teeth.

http://www.amazon.com/Professional-Teeth-Whitening-Thermoform-Instructions/dp/B00AEBYP0G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398071847&sr=8-1&keywords=carbamide+peroxide+kit

For overcoming depression and anxiety, Feeling Good is by far the most helpful book I have ever read. It's well written and gives you practical tips on how to boost self esteem, deal with guilt, and so on. I seriously can't recommend it enough; it has improved my well being significantly and I am less depressed because of it.

I would add Feeling Good under self-control, highly recommended.

Read this book! You'll learn so much that your life will change. It changed mine.