Best products from r/selflove

First, in the words of the late George Carlin, "ya gotta wanna". You must first decide that you want a better relationship with yourself. You don't necessarily have to feel it (because depression), but you do have to make that decision, that choice. This is a good time to learn something new, which is: choices don't have to be felt emotionally to be made. We kind of grow up doing things that, on some level, we want to do; part of maturing is learning how to make decisions even if we're not "feeling" it.

I suspect everyone hits a point in their life where they experience depression, which is a good opportunity to do two things:

1. Decide what kind of person you want to be & do some world-building to decide what you want in your world
   
2. Create a personal productivity system that will allow you to get things done, even when you're not in the mood & have no motivation, aka #adulting
   
   Also, two hallmarks of depression are:
   
   
3. Hitting seemingly minor roadblocks throughout the day & just quitting, because screw it, lol
   
4. Letting everything slide...health, activities, etc.
   
   Second, you have to accept yourself as a valid person. You are valid simply because you exist, because you are a human being. You may not struggle with this, but this is an important part of anyone's foundation of self-esteem. If you never see yourself as valid or worthy, then why bother caring? It's easy to say "I'm not worth it" & shove it all, but that's just a cop-out.
   
   Third, understand perspective. I like to use the movie analogy: right now, we're just seeing a frame, a snapshot, of the movie of your life. This is the part where the hero is going through self-doubt, through a struggle, through difficulty. It's not going to last forever; brighter days are ahead, but right now, you have to hold on & get through this scene.
   
   Fourth, you need to fix your fatigue. This is typically because people with depression create the perfect formula for depression: staying up late, not exercising, not feeding themselves well. Sometimes there are other reasons: PTSD, lyme disease, sleep apnea, etc. Your job is to find the root cause of your fatigue & fix it. Absolutely every single thing you do in life will be a huge chore until you resolve your fatigue issues. I want to be very, very clear about that. You can't feel good if you don't feel good!
   
   Fifth, learn that the secret to life is having good procedures (checklists, or steps to follow) & using them over time. That may sound a little vague, but let me explain: you need to lock in ways to do things, and you need to do them over time. You need to create structure for yourself. As kids, we just run around & have fun all the time. As adult, we have responsibilities, and it stinks lol.
   
   Your job now is to design & build the kind of world you want to live in. Is being exhausted all the time, not wearing makeup, being lazy, feeling unworthy, and feeling hopeless your idea of your ideal world? You're just as free to live under a bridge as you are to life a good & happy life; no one is stopping you from doing either - those are both personal choices.
   
   Depression throws a wrench into things, but life goes on, so you have to decide if you're going to let that stop you & dictate your actions. Learning how to function when you don't feel like it is a huge part of maturing, imo. It's not easy, but it will get you through a lot of situations...when a close family member dies, when you get fired from your job, when you have a baby & don't sleep for months, etc. You need to learn how to function even when you're not feeling it; this is a key life skill!
   
   It's a little bit scary & overwhelming to realize that you're now in charge of literally everything in your life, but at the same time, it's quite liberating, once you realize the power you have: you have the power to select & bring things that bring goodness into your life. You can choose to stay up late & be tired, or choose to go to bed early & feel amazing. That loops back that thing about feeling your choices vs. making choices. Also, if you need permission, then I hereby grant you all of the powers vested in me to make your life AMAZING! Go forth & conquer! Haha.
   
   Sixth, let's put an example of a procedure or a "checklist" into play. You mentioned makeup...let's start small & create a basic routine for you. I'd recommend picking up the book "5-minute face' by Carmindy:
   
   https://www.amazon.com/5-Minute-Face-Quick-Makeup-Guide/dp/0061374415/
   
   Read through the book & develop a quick routine that you can do in just 5 minutes, not hours. That way, even on the days when you're feeling lazy & exhausted, you can still push through for just 5 minutes. Sometimes we just have to go through the motions to get stuff done, even when we don't feel like it.
   
   We can talk more about other stuff next, but first:
   
   

• Make the personal choice that you want to do this, that you want to do better - even if you don't "feel" it
  
• You are a valid person; you have to accept this internally, yourself, before you can make any progress forward. You exist, therefore you are valid, end of story.
  
• You're at a difficult point in your life, but this is just one scene in the whole movie. Things are brighter down the road, but you have things to learn right now & struggles to get through before that happens.
  
• Your focus should first be to identify the root cause of your fatigue issues, because nothing else will get better until you solve this. I can't emphasize this enough. Maybe it's just poor habits & staying up late; maybe it's a health issue. Doesn't matter, needs to be identified & resolved right away!
  
• You have the power to design & create your world; this is your wake-up call & your opportunity to do so. And the way you execute that is by having procedures to follow.
  
• Start with the 5-minute face approach. Decide that bothering to put on makeup is something you want in your "world" (if that is something YOU want, that is), and create a procedure to allow you to do it as efficiently as possible, so that it's not a huge roadblock in your day.
  
  Start there, and then let's talk!

Hey man, even though my background and trauma is very different than yours, I relate to how you feel. There's no simple way of explaining this, and hell, I've only practiced it actively for a few weeks so I'm far away from reaching real self-love, but it comes down to being mindful of your ego, and to actively be kind/loving to yourself. Imagining yourself as a 3rd person to your ego, being nice/caring like you would be to a friend having bad thoughts of himself is one of the best ways I've heard it described. It takes a long time for that to become the default I think, so it's something you have to stick with.

This book has really helped me, I have a feeling it can help you too. It explains it a lot better and more extensively than I did. I'm naturally skeptical, and 'self help' and all that stuff always seemed silly to me (or my ego, really), but this book spoke to me on an incredibly deep level, give it a try if you're up for it.

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314

So I found one online you may want to check out.

My books do cover relationships but they may be too general for what you are looking for right now. Good luck!

Why not start small and try to fix things one at a time? Try out these bunion fixers (https://smile.amazon.com/Bunion-Corrector-Relief-Protector-Sleeves/dp/B01M5E0Q0T) or go to a pediatrics specialist. You can love yourself by going to the doctor or buying things for the bunions, just like you'd do for your child or friend if you knew it was something that bothered them.