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Well first off, I don't see the ultimate goal as just having sex. I see the goal as finding a women to grow in a relationship with, that doesn't have to be your goal, but that's how I look at it. I just want to try to get some dates and see where it goes, I don't have raging success but I'm lightyears away from the shut in I was 6 months ago. Women can offer you much more then just sex, even if it's just a simple conversation that leads to nothing.

You mention a sort of one and done with sex, that's certainly not what I'm looking for, but if that's what you want, I'd imagine today's dating services and hookup culture could help make it work. Just got to get out there. Yes, the struggles will be there, but track your progress and give yourself pats on the back. You used a Mt Everest analogy, just think of the progress and growth you'll have after completing that climb. It certainly won't be as hard the second time, right? And if a girl is having sex with you you are fairly likely to be able to get another date or whatever if that's what you want.

> Consider this: Can you tell me how much work does an extroverted man have to put in to do the same thing?

Probably a lot less, but there is no equality. Just focus on improving yourself, compare you to you. Personally, I try my absolute best to look at things from a growth standpoint. I used to be scared to approach even women that I already knew, I would have trouble holding conversations with anyone, scared to express myself and the like. But I improved, I talk to more people(anyone), I calmed down my toxic inner voice, etc. and I'm quite proud of the progress I've made so far. I won't presume to know your situation or the struggles you've had but you can improve too.

> I don't agree that the "less outspoken" guy with social limitations should automatically accept being lower value.

I absolutely agree with this, I'm sorry if I implied otherwise. Make your own value, don't let your self-worth be defined by others. Kind of off tangent but I made a concerted effort to improve my posture a few months back and I was shocked at how much better I felt, and the reactions I got from not just women but men was much better, much to my surprise. No one will believe in you if you don't believe in yourself.

There's a lot to be said about this stuff man and I certainly don't have all the answers, but I would just say to go out there and be the man you want to be and damn what anyone else thinks. There are billions of women out there, more then enough that you can find one where you both suit eachother. There is only one /u/Aeon199, be the best you can be.

Before I go I'll just recommend some books(and a youtube channel) that helped me turn my life around so to speak.

1. Corey Wayne's "How to be a 3% Man"
   
   • (I got it for 10 bucks on IBook) At first glance it's a trash dating book that's bound to be full of bullshit. But it helped me immensely to understand women and get my passion back. At the absolute least, I urge you to check out his youtube channel, he has many, many helpful videos. He's not perfect, sometimes you'll shake your head, but the dude changed my life and he recommended both the other books I'm gonna list. Here's a video, maybe not his best but it seems relevant, and I enjoyed it when I watched a little while back. "See yourself as a High Value Person" Edit: Also Never Doubt Your Own Value
     
     
2. Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
   
   • Absolute classic. Helps you to fine tune your social skills giving real life examples of the tips it provides. Easy to find and can get it cheap, I got it for 3 bucks in IBook. I think they should make people read this one in high school, I know that college business classes sometimes have it as required reading. Dramatically helped me improve my social skills in general.
     
     
3. David Deida's "How to be a Superior Man"
   
   • This one is a little heavy, it's not a dating or social advice book per se, it's more of a guidebook about what masculinity is, I feel like I understand myself much better after reading it. From the passion you feel from watching a touchdown in football(just an example) to your drive to accomplish to your raw attraction to particular females, this book goes into it. It gets spiritual and perhaps a little loony a bit later in the book but it's really good. I recommend you read it if you like the first two.

I like the idea of this thread, and it's thoughtful for you to put the effort into trying to help someone in this state.

> I told him that there is no way what he’s saying is true and he needs to stop believing that about himself and I also shared how there are plenty of people who will see value in you when you see value in yourself as corny as that sounds.

As a general rule, I'm not a fan of just do XYZ advice. That's not a critique; it takes time, and not everybody can invest much into this. I think it was thoughtful for you to offer an compassionate ear. I sometimes like to ask questions about what people do for fun. I do this for two reasons: first, it encourages people to check in with themselves. What am I doing? What would I like to do? How am I socializing? What is keeping me from it? It also teaches people that they can check in with others, which is the foundation for building a connection with people.

And that leads to another point: sometimes people simply feel alone, and view sex as a kind of validation. That's where therapy comes into play: sex is fun. Sex is social. Sex is a thing that partners can share. But if sex is an ends to a means for proving something, then it's no longer a shared experience between partners. It makes those partners into gatekeepers, and that's a distorted view (and incidentally another good reason to see a therapist: to work through the underlying reasons that someone might be experiencing this distortion).

>...there are plenty of people who will see value in you when you see value in yourself as corny as that sounds.

It's easy to slip into the mindset that this needs to be a paradox: how can one love themselves if others don't? How will others know how to love you if you can't love yourself? I know that a while back I needed help, but I couldn't quantify it. All I could do was acknowledge that whatever I was doing at the time just wasn't working. Therapy helped me and two years later my window shifted all over: I date actively now, I go out and strike up conversations, and my old defeatist self would have never taken the exams I'm taking, and I'm about to take my eighth in three months... and in the wake of a very expensive failure. What keeps me going? Learning to forgive myself when I fuck up. How does one do that? I'd like to say that it comes from developing a healthy relationship between yourself, your goals, and how you mediate between them without trying to please the ghosts of your past, but I don't know if others have had the experiences that I've had. But back to the point: sex and dating are one piece of a whole.

It's ok to feel disappointed. The challenge is learning how to deal with those feelings in a way that acknowledges that you're not alone but also respects your feelings as your feelings.

Anyway, that's a lot of statement. Here are some thoughts to your actual question about resources.

Resources:
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I tried to structure this list around ease-of-access - that is: easy to read/watch.

Planned Parenthood - Virginity

Planned Parenthood does a great job discussing the various means through which people can lose virginity. What I like about this resource is that it points out that virginity itself can be arbitrary.

SoNotable: I think there are a few types of virginity, including innocence (not knowing what sex is, lost when you regularly watch porn and develop an understanding of the concept of sex), partnered (Never having had sex with a partner, lost when you are intimate with a partner), and shared (the first time you sleep with somebody/ies and get through the initial "how do we communicate"-isms).

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How to Lose your Virginity

A documentary of sorts that describes the concept and history of virginity. It's mainly told from the perspective of young women, but the concepts discussed applies to young men as well.

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The Ethical Slut

Is it counter-intuitive to suggest a book to virgins that discusses polyamorous relationships? I don't think so. This book focuses on emotional honesty and makes talking about sex a lot easier. Virgins can (and should learn to be) sex-positive.

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Web: GirlsAskGuys.com

This is a site that encourages people to ask and answer questions, and has a fairly balanced population. If someone has a question that they feel might be gender-specific, it makes it easier to know who is answer from which perspective.

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The Guide to Getting It On

While I wouldn't recommend reading a 900+ page sex manual cover to cover, this book is great because it covers a ton about sex, including things that might cause anxiety or stage fright. I've loaned my copy out to friends who've confided in me, and it's helped them. It also does a good job of normalizing sex-talk.

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I'm currently studying a lot and focusing on personal development, but I want to expand this reading list once I've finished my current side project. In the mean time I'm sure others can add a few items.

I hope this offers some ideas that you can take and use. Also, most of my suggestions relate to sex and sexuality from a man's perspective; adding some resources for woman would be greatly appreciated :)

General Resources around Masculinity

The Good Men Project

/r/MensLib is a subreddit that discusses masculinity and politics in a constructive, pro-feminist voice. I like this sub because it encourages discussion of masculinity as a non-zero-sum game.

Also: someone recently told me about a sportsball player (I think Basketball?) who started discussing masculinity and hosting retreats for men. I believe his name was Chae or Shae or something like that. I'd appreciate if someone could help me figure this out, as I'd started reading briefly before getting sidetracked.

No.