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I also lost my partner while relatively young (though not as young as your son), and I'll offer you some "counter-advice." Assuming the general natural order of things, you are older than your son. :) My mother spent the entire first visit after my partner died, worrying out loud about what would happen when her partner died. It was incredibly insensitive and it took me over a year to really forgive her for it. (I mean, obviously, it's a thing she worries about, but WOW was I not the right person to worry about it to.)

The best grieving book I've read is (Grieving: A Beginner's Guide)[https://smile.amazon.com/Grieving-Beginners-Jerusha-Hull-McCormack/dp/1557254931], it is specifically targeted at people who have lost their partners, but is easily generalizable. There is a special section in it for people who know people who have lost people. (It's at the end! Make sure to look for it.)

In general, yes, availability to talk, yes, financial support. Also, convenience things. I don't have children, but I needed the people who brought me food. I bet he needs that even more. Since you're far away, signing up with whatever his local equivalent of foodkick, peapod, instacart-- something that will deliver groceries. I also had a friend who gave me her login to foodler, which aggregates take-out places. And a couple days I wouldn't have eaten at all, except that I knew I could order on her account. (The early days were fraught with money problems. They still are, but not on the "I can't buy groceries" level). Sometimes, it's easier to accept a login to a grocery or takeout service than it is to accept cashmonies. Even though it's the same thing at some level, I think it's easier to accept food than money. Along the same way, depending on how he shops, adding your credit card to his amazon account or such might also be a roundabout way of providing support.

I also really appreciated remembrances of my love. Just little silly anecdotes that people remembered. I think (again since you're far away) a post card or paper letter saying "I really value that time when she did X and we enjoyed Y..." might go a long way.

I wrote a billion of thank you notes after the memorial. I never got a single follow-up from his colleagues, checking in. Encouraging other people to check-in, gently, may also be a thing.

I totally believe I will see her again. I look for signs of her, and I see them. Of course a skeptic would say that I'm finding meaning where there isn't any. But, that's okay. I don't mind. I believe in the Resurrection.

Last week a ladybug landed on my mouse pad in my office. I like to believe that is my wife checking up on me. Two years ago at this time she was in hospice, and maybe she knows I could use some reassurance. Sometimes I can hear her admonishment, "Maoxiong, why aren't you behaving? You need to pull yourself together." Other times I can hear her saying, "I love you." I don't discount those small events. I can imagine her exasperation when I meet her again: "I tried so hard to give you some signs but you were too numb to notice! Haaaaa!"

I can't speak for anyone else, but yes, I see and feel her presence. It's hard to describe, but it is real.

This book, called "Elsewhere", is a very cute and sweet story. It's not religious but it's hopeful. My mom gave it to me right after my wife died. It's the kind of book a teenager might enjoy, so it's a very easy read.

I like to remind myself that faith and hope and love are all gifts, and I am thankful to be the recipient. I hope everyone can find peace wherever possible.

I'm sorry for your loss. In addition to all the thoughtful comments provided I would say

1. It's ok to not be ok.
   
2. One of the first things I did was find a therapist / grief counselor that was a good match for me. I used this search engine: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ .
   
3. It was very helpful to read books about grief, which helped reinforce point #1 (it's ok to not be ok, you're not alone in this). Like you, I was very young when my wife died. This book about young widowers has always been helpful to me: https://www.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers-ebook/dp/B00DFMAJT2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WSQQ2BIZ2YLZ&keywords=im+grieving+as+fast+as+i+can&qid=1564357711&s=gateway&sprefix=im+grieving+%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-1
   
   Other things:
   
   
4. Keep clothes, songs (phones, playlists), recipes, books that may bring you comfort
   
5. [I got consent from my wife's family before doing this] If you know his phone password you can access things like his e-mail, from which you can reset his passwords for facebook/spotify/etc. I love listening to the music that my wife liked to listen to.
   
   I would add that for me it was helpful to stay close to my wife's family and others who knew her well. We all went through this together, while acknowledging that we all processed our grief differently. In that respect, I would encourage you to seek out people who knew your husband.

Journaling really helped me a lot & I still continue to do it (close to 3yrs). I also really liked this book because it made me think & write about other memories: https://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Soulmate-Dies-Mourning/dp/1617222429

If possible: find a professional who understands grieving. I hired the social worker from the hospital privately & she really helped me understand some feelings.

I also hired a personal trainer. This was expensive but giving my body physical strength really helped give my heart & mind mental strength. However it was over time and I don’t think there really is a quick fix. Be gentle with yourself.

Great recommendation thanks! On the flip side of the coin, Healing After Loss by Martha Whitmore Hickman is a more esoteric approach. Every day of the year has one quote followed by a one paragraph discussion of the idea. I've never been one for sitting down and reading through a self help book, so this book has fit my reading style. And its a good companion for a "taking a day at a time" approach. And even if one day doesn't resonate, another coming up will.

First of all, this book has been my crutch.

I read from it when I'm stuck.

What it says about holidays:

>Sundays are the worst.

>No doubt about it.

>Holidays are the second-worst.

>Saturday nights aren't much fun either.

>The feelings of separation may feel greater three days, three weeks, 6 months and a year after the loss.

>Schedule particularly comforting activities into these periods of time.

Something else you may find useful from this book that I found useful:

> Be with the pain.

>If you're hurting, admit it.

>To feel pain after loss is:

• normal
  
  
• natural
  
  
• proof that you are alive
  
  
• a sign that you are able to respond to life's experiences
  
  > Although you may be frightened by it, be with your pain. Feel it. Lean into it. You will not find it bottomless.
  
  >It is an important part of the healing process that you be with the pain, experience the desolation, feel the hurt.
  
  >Don't deny it or cover it or run away from it. Be with it. Hurt for a while.
  
  >See the pain as not hurting, but as healing.
  
  
  ❤❤❤

This is a great group doing excellent work across the country. I am on their advisory board. For an additional reference go here. I've been there and know the journey all to well.

She needs to do everything that make her feel better and avoid all that makes her feel worse. I choose not to make any big changes hoping that my home and job would give me comfort in the stability. I could not imagine dealing with the stess of moving and starting a new job. I wanted to give myself time to recover and heal and not make any stupid or expensive mistakes. However that does means having to face everything in her home and surrounding life that will constantly remind her of him and how he died. Facing that daily will be very difficult and painful.

She should do anything and everything she can to help her survive this. Surround herself with family and friends if that makes her feel better and safer, therapy, physical activities like walking or hiking in nature (or something more athletic if she can), meditation and reading books that will help her heal.

Does she have an iPad or Kindle ebook reader? Then she needs to start reading Megan Devine's book. She can purchase the electronic version. If she doesn't have a tablet or reader, send her a copy in Spanish.

Está bien que no estés bien

I'm glad to hear that you already have someone you're comfortable with. If I could, I'd like to suggest the following books that have helped me a lot in understanding the unique grief for very young widows:

https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers/dp/0882820958/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

This meditation CD. There's a track called Riding the Wave about sitting with strong emotions. There were nights I couldn't sleep, listened to the meditation, cried my heart out, and fell right asleep.

Have you heard of the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf?

> This story by Leo Buscaglia is a warm, wonderfully wise and strikingly simple story about a leaf names Freddie. How Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow, is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death.
>
>The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a warm and thought-provoking story and both children and adults will be deeply touched by this inspiring book. This 20th anniversary edition of this beloved classic has helped thousands of people come to grips with life and death.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. If I can make a suggestion, these really worked for me after I lost weight and stacking rings didn't work:

14k White/Yellow Gold Filled Metal Ring Guard - Small Medium Large (Pack of 3) (White) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071RHXSNK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_MIg1DbGBGT5MA

that way you don't have to take your rings off. Thinking of you and sending you light love and healing.

There was a series of articles written in The Guardian called Widower Of The Parish by Adam Golightly.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/widower-of-the-parish

He’s expanded them into a book too called Being Adam Golightly

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1780723164/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdb_t1_2oN-BbWDAXH7K

They’re both worth a read

My husband died over a year ago for the same reason your wife died. It was also during his sleep. He was only 35. I was left a widow at 35 with a 18 month old baby ( now 3 years old).

I also waited before dating, but it is hard when you are widow with young kid.

I went to therapy right after my husband's death. It helped a lot.

I read a book called this angel on my chest. It is about youth widows, but I think it may apply to widowers.

This is the link:
https://www.amazon.com/This-Angel-Chest-Heinz-Prize/dp/0822944421

Best of luck in this journey.

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