Reddit mentions of Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, Revised and Updated Edition

I highly recommend Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter. Also check out her division of responsibility. We have benefited so much from her practical advice and wisdom.

If you're interested in reading you could try this book or this one.

My 4 year old eats everything short of meat (allergic), that we serve. We don't do processed sugars or any artificial dyes. We do a "no thank you bite." For instance, we do four or five food groups with a meal, and when there is something new on his plate, he may not have more of the things he likes until he tries at least ONE bite of the new food. Essentially, if you're serious, you'll need to do an entire haul of your kitchen. Toss/donate any "crap" foods. If you don't have it in your house - you won't eat it. Start meal planning (trust me, it will save you A LOT of stress). If you don't have a crock pot.. get one! You can meal prep, once every few weeks, throw the crock pot meal into a freezer bag, freeze, and throw it in the crockpot before leaving for work and wahlaa, dinner when you come home.

It's not an easy transition, especially with the older child, but it's better to teach healthy eating habits now rather than later. We realized how bad our eating habits were when my son was one, and it took a lot of dedication but it IS possible.

First, I want to point you to this story by Marsha Dunn Klein, an occupational therapist who specializes in children's feeding disorders. Everything is a Grashopper

Second, I recommend that you have him evaluated by a speech therapist or occupational therapist. Being so panicked at the thought of trying new foods that he begins gagging and vomiting is not normal and is also not something he has psychological control over. This is unlikely to be something you can help him manage without professional help, and your instinctual reactions to keep pushing him to eat stuff you know he likes have the potential to create lifelong problems. Kids and eating issues are absolutely maddening, and parents' instincts are often plain wrong, so I really, really, really recommend you seek professional help with this.

Third, I recommend Ellyn Satter's books, especially Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, and How to Get Your Kids to Eat (But Not Too Much).

My daughter has a diagnosed feeding disorder and is tube fed in part due to food sensitivities. We have been working with specialists for two years to help her get to the point where she can eat by mouth safely and comfortably. It will come, but it has surprised me how often my own instincts about what to do have been wrong, and how the therapist's recommendations have helped. Good luck to you, this is so, so hard.

I have been reading this book, and I really like it.

I am not a parent (and this comment is a little old), but I've heard good things about the Child of Mine approach to feeding young kids, in a way that balances their ability to choose with the parent's desire not to end up catering to kids' often picky and unhealthy desires.

The summary is the parent depends what, when, and where, and the child decides whether and how much.