Reddit mentions of Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care: A Parent's Guide to Beginning Natural Hair Styling

In "Semi-Prominent Negro" W Kamau Bell talked about his white wife being in this situation re their children. There's even a book on it now: Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care: A Parent's Guide to Beginning Natural Hair Styling https://www.amazon.com/dp/1500666041/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_lYkCCb03RXBZ6

https://www.amazon.ca/Chocolate-Hair-Vanilla-Care-Beginning/dp/1500666041

Oh goodness, that's so hard. I'm so sorry you're in this position. And while it's true that you can't protect her from the pain of eventually knowing she was abandoned by her parents, you can give her the security and joy of being raised in a family that loves her.

There's a book called chocolate hair vanilla care which could be helpful if she as a coarse textured hair.

We've had a similar situation, and my wife and I found the book "Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care" very helpful. I think there is a website/blog related to it as well. https://www.amazon.com/Chocolate-Hair-Vanilla-Care-Beginning/dp/1500666041

So, I'm white (with curly hair) and my husband is black with super tight afro-textured hair that grows in on itself rather then getting long (he just shaves it off or very short).

We won't actually know your child's curl/hair texture until they are not only born but age a bit. Our daughter (now two) was born with a bunch of hair that was black and almost completely straight. Over the next year it became brown and curly. If combed while wet her hair forms a bunch of little ringlets about the size of an adult's pink finger. It poofs up easily if combed dry or napped on, car seat, ect.

I'm still learning since my hair is much less curly then my daughter's and also seems to work differently.

• First, don't wash her hair every day. Babies and toddlers don't need daily showers or baths and don't get stinky as quickly as teenagers adults do. Washing afro-textured hair (and my daughter's mixed hair?) too much is bad for it as it dries it out. You may also want to use an oil or similar product in her hair if she seems to need it. Three times a week at most.
  
  
• Don't use shampoo every time you wash hair. Usually just use conditioner. And the shampoo and conditioner should both be products for curly hair.
  
  
• The main thing you should be using to do your child's hair (once/if it gets curly?) is a wide toothed comb. To break up knots start at the bottom with the wide toothed comb and carefully work your way up. Hold the hair tightly right above where you are combing so when you have to pull it won't hurt (as much). I find it easiest to comb my daughter's hair in the bathtub with conditioner in it. Otherwise, I wet it liberally (you can get a spritz bottle) and maybe use a product when combing. After the hair is combed you can brush it if you need to do so to like pull it into a hairstyle or something. (Just combing it is fine.) The brush should be for curly hair and will also have wide spaced bristles.
  
  
• Knots build up and get worse over days. It may be okay to wash your kid's hair once or twice a week but if you wait a week to comb it it's going to hurt even with conditioner. For my daughter's hair (may not be true for you, a lot of people try not to over brush/comb curly hair since it breaks up the curls) I should comb it every other day to not have things build up.
  
  
• For best looking curly hair you actually style it for multiuple days and sort of take care of how you sleep on it, but I've found this not super doable with a tiny toddler who naps and goes in the car seat again and again (she's strapped down so pressed against this headrest part and messes up the back of her hair). When she is older/if you really want silk is a good material for not messing up curly hair. So a silk crib sheet and silk pillow case (once old enough for pillows) helps to not break up the curls so much. Or if you could get your kid to sleep in a silk little hair cap or wrap but I feel like mine would take it off. You can also put hair up in a "pineapple" (google it) or braid it to keep it from getting as knotted/messed up over night. Of course braided hair comes out wavy like the braid and different but it can be nice if you like that.
  
  
• There is a subreddit r/curlyhair which is big on curly hair care routine. I'm subbed but I admit I don't pay much attention to it. But you can ask questions there, see example routines, ect. I haven't read it myself but I've heard things about Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care: A Parent's Guide to Beginning Natural Hair Styling as a recommendation for white foster parents of black foster children.

I think this is awesome. A comedian did a bit about this subject; he was black and his wife was white and she didn't know how to handle their daughter's hair. The mom wrote and published a book called "Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care".

Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care: A Parent's Guide to Beginning Natural Hair Styling https://www.amazon.com/dp/1500666041/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Khm5Cb9JN25S9

We got a lot of good pointers and techniques from this book.