Reddit mentions of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

> at this point I have lost faith in all men.

Don't let that happen, not all men are like this. In fact I can use myself for an example. I met my wife when I was 19 and I am now 31 she is the only person I've ever been with, dated, etc. To get to the crux of why this is happening to you, you need to evaluate how you make your choices of who to be with and see if the problem lies there. And also listen to others, if they're worth having around odds are they have your best interests at heart.

Edit: Here's a book that might help you. The book basically has you evaluate all of your relationships and why they went wrong. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425408666&sr=1-1&keywords=getting+over+a+breakup

> He used to make me feel amazing. I loved every moment we spent together.

> He's like a different person...

My ex was like this and I could write a book on it, but here are some books other people have written that have helped me:

• Narcissistic Lovers
  
• Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay
  
• Disarming The Narcissist
  
• Getting Past Your Breakup (if this should ever happen, Zeus forbid)
  
  Since you were raised by an N, then a lot of the codependency books like "Codependency No More" and "Women Who Love Too Much" might be helpful too. It seems like you're working hard to get him all this help, but all you can really do is help yourself. If he's highly N, you'll probably have a hard time with him going to therapy and sticking with it and everything else but I'm not sure that's really the best place for you to focus. Only he can choose to get help and stick with it.
  
  I also made a post with a list of N traits from the book Disarming The Narcissist. My ex (and mother of course) possessed high degrees of all thirteen traits. Dealing with my ex was hell on Earth and I'm still recovering two years later, so if I don't seem very optimistic that's why. We always seem to want to see the best in people, and it's VERY hard to reconcile that a person who can be so sweet, loving, kind, caring, etc. can also be a liar, cheater and an overall shitty person. Ns can really weave a "reality distortion field" and so can we, because it's SO painful to see the truth sometimes. It's an up and down roller coaster ride that is VERY addicting.
  
  The person you fell in love with may have only been one aspect of his total personality. My old therapist used to tell me to look at the big picture. I would "split" my ex so that I would PINE after the sweet, loving person she could be, and ignore the terror she could also be. Everyone is capable of EVERYTHING, especially people who claim they're "not like that." Actions are meaningful, not words. My ex's actions painted a much different picture than her words.
  
  Anyway, good luck with everything.

You should read a "breakup" book like "Getting Past Your Breakup..." and perform some of the mental exercises in there, they will help clear your head. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0097CWNSO/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Im with you...exactly with you. The self doubt left behind by their seemingly IDGAF attitude after that idolization phase is something no one can understand unless they've lived it. Im still trying to pick myself back up off the floor.

Any interaction with my SO, he just brings up more of what was wrong with the relationship, even towards the beginning... Im like what? We were insanely happy in the beginning like you describe, almost euphoric, so now he is saying there were always problems. None of it makes sense and never will. Im taking all the advice I can off of here, step one I got a self help book and just a half a chapter in I can see I picked the right one. " Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You , google the reviews on amazon. Sounds like a great one. Somewhere along the way I bottled my self worth in him. Im going to do everything I can to make sure that never happens again. Everything you are saying i exactly what im living and trying to fix.

I know exactly how you feel.

I wrote a cheesy, albeit very raw poem today which I will post in a sec. Before I do, I want to link you a book I binge listened to this weekend, and it has saved my life. LINK

Here is my poem:

The Day I Hired My Divorce Lawyer

It hurts so bad.

I can't breathe.

I silently keen so as not to alarm my children.

I'm on my knees praying to spare them the sight of their mother’s body twitching and flexing in torturous affliction.

That’s a lie.

I'm on my knees because Im unable to stand.

The injury is too deep.

The wound too noxious.

My breath comes in cursory gasps, hardly worthy of recognition.

The first time I felt a contraction it was a pain radiating from my core around my waist,tickling my back with fire, electricity, lighting.

My stomach clenched with a sweet sickness.

My back betrayed my spinal cord, embraced in a consumptive clench.

My stomach, empty of content, spasmed, trying to flagellate for relief.

Three times I went through this pain.

This is worse.

------------------

To be clear: I called the divorce lawyer today.

> I envy you that you're already in a position to know what to do etc because of your past experience.

I will say with total honesty that I am handling this breakup much better than my last, and that is a direct result of this sub and all of the books I've read. And age. I am 42. While it doesn't get easier with time (in fact, I'd argue that breakups are exponentially more difficult as you age), the way I manage and react to a breakup has gotten easier.

I highly recommend these books IF you are ready to heal and work on yourself. If you're not ready to grieve, heal and work on yourself, these books won't help you at all.

The first one is: Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. This one has been very helpful in sorting out my emotions and explaining why I'm feeling the way I do.

The second one is The No Contact Rule. This book was especially helpful for me the during my previous breakup because it explained WHY a person must absolutely, positively, without question go no contact after a breakup. It was especially true in my case as I was horribly mistreated. I didn't know about no contact last time. I kept contacting him until about six months after the breakup. I began no contact, smiley face calendar and all, the day after I read this book. Cliche as it sounds, it was only when I went no contact that I began to heal and pick up the pieces of my life. I think it was so important for me to see in cold, hard print that I was devaluing, disrespecting and embarrassing myself every time I reached out to someone who didn't want me. After reading the book, I was able to reject the rejecter. This book is an easy read, well worth the $5.

Again, I am not a woman who likes self help books. They typically make me shudder. I really just don't like them for whatever reason. But I have found that books about breakups are tremendously helpful and provide honesty that your friends and family will not provide. Also, therapy. If you can afford therapy, go.

Quote from my favorite book about break ups: "Even if your ex doesn't come right out and say, "Can't we be friends?" you might sense an inability to let go and let you be. You might initially be flattered that he or she can't imagine life without you, but honestly it has more to do with your ex's inability to end things than a true desire to keep you around....

The person who pushes to "be friends" is usually the one who doesn't want the commitment or responsibility of the relationship but is unwilling to completely relinquish the companionship of someone familiar. It's also hard to be friends because ex-lovers don't hold each other to the same standard as they do other friends..

There are also reasons you're no longer together, and perhaps those are the same reasons you shouldn't be friends"

I suggest you buy the book, http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1396967982&sr=8-2&keywords=break+up

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

Models by Mark Manson

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Practical Guide for Improving Communication by John Gray

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

I'd recommend checking out Mark Manson's website. There's some great stuff there for subscribers.

Some sound advice here already. I will also suggest, as cheesy as it sounds, this book that I send to every friend going through a breakup, as it helped me immensely during my divorce. It helped me by just laying things out in black and white, organized my thoughts, gave me a plan, and reminded me to take care of myself during this crappy time when it was the last thing I was thinking of. You may have days like yesterday once in a while maybe, but they will become less frequent and you'll learn you're strong enough to to move past them quickly. You're doing better than you think you are, hang in there! :)

I recently read a great book.

[Getting Past Your Breakup] (http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating-ebook/dp/B0097CWNSO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1409175171&sr=8-2&keywords=how+to+get+over+a+breakup)

Basically it breakdowns this point. Once your SO says it's over. That relationship that you had is forever done. Now that doesn't mean you can't start anew. However it MUST be different. You need to set boundaries. And you need to ensure you don't fall into old habbits. Otherwise the same vicious cycle will happen again.

So be prepared. If you want the relationship it has to be different. You can't just jump back in and expect it to be like the good times.