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Reddit mentions of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Sentiment score: 9
Reddit mentions: 19

We found 19 Reddit mentions of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Here are the top ones.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
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    Features:
  • Paperback
  • 166 pages
Specs:
Height8.4 inches
Length5.5 inches
Release dateFebruary 2012
Weight0.028125 pounds
Width1 inches

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Found 19 comments on How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk:

u/also_HIM · 24 pointsr/Parenting

>The 4 yr old says "Yes, I did do that..." I put and end to it and put both in time outs until one of them would decide to be truthful with me and admit they did it.

You put the 4 year old in time out until he'd admit it, after he admitted it?

> I reprimand the 4 year old for lying, breaking my trust, and speaking rudely/accusing his brother. ... this is NOT the first time this almost EXACT situation has played out.

And then you used the word of someone you know is untrustworthy to reprimand the 4 year old?

Punishment has a lot of well-studied negative side effects, not the least of which is increased frequency and skill at lying. And on top of it you're letting your kids use your punishments as a weapon against each other. Time out, accusations, and reprimands - particularly over situations you have no clear understanding of which results in punishments that appear totally capricious - are not things that generate a positive environment. I'd suggest you take a look at How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Siblings Without Rivalry, as they both outline a number of strategies for tackling these situations more productively.

u/-poop-in-the-soup- · 11 pointsr/Parenting

He didn't turn out okay. He thinks it's acceptable to hit children. That's not okay.

The global consensus is that spanking at best has neutral outcomes. That is, it's no different than not spanking. And that's the best case scenario. There are plenty of outcomes that are far far worse. So it doesn't logically make sense to spank.

At the very least, it's just creating more work. Spanking is a quick fix to an immediate problem. It doesn't address the underlying cause, so you have to keep spanking.

There's a lot of literature out there about this kind of thing. If you're interested in reading about effective parenting techniques without hitting children, two excellent resources are Janet Lansbury and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen.

It's good you're having these discussions now. And honestly, for me, spanking is a deal-breaker. I would not have had children with someone who wanted to hit them.

u/b00tler · 8 pointsr/Parenting

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...And Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

Infants through Teenagers

Strategies for communicating with your kids for guidance, encouragement, and discipline. I particularly liked all the concrete examples and practical recommendations. The communication skills are useful for any relationship, not just parenting.

u/Peekman · 5 pointsr/Parenting

Timeouts and discipline especially with kids so young are concepts that are misplaced. Growing up is all about learning new emotions from the happiness and sadness of a toddler to the excitement and anxiety of a teenager. Every year they age they experience more complex emotions and have to learn how to appropriately deal with them. When a child is acting out he is experiencing an emotion and not handling it appropriately.

This book is real good at showing you ways to communicate with your child. It has examples that go from a toddler all the way to when they are teenagers.

Good luck.

Edit: fixed link

u/Lesabere · 5 pointsr/AskParents

I think breathing room is important for all relationships including our children.

If you’d like my meager overall advice about parenting it goes like this;

You are always going to second-guess whatever you do as a parent. It sounds depressing and it is a little bit. But that means that you care. And as long as you put their needs first they are probably going to be fine.

It sounds like you’re thinking that lack of discipline causes misbehaving children and maybe you were learning now that disciplining children is a lot different than you thought it was. Don’t worry parenting will humble you every second. It’s normal. That’s the kind of thing a group of parenting friends will help you with. Not feeling alone isn’t bitching. And they might have good ideas to help you out.

I would suggest that you think of your daughter as a person who is doing their best all the time. If she’s acting out something is pushing her to do that. And that thing may be her normally developing brain. You seem upset and feel like she lost skills she had before. It can seem that way but that’s very normal throughout development and she will get those skills back and more. And it may be something in her environment.

Think of your job as to make the conditions for good behavior happen as much as possible while understanding that this isn’t going to happen all the time. I would suggest the book
https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=talking+so+kids+will+listen&qid=1558035620&s=gateway&sprefix=talking+so+&sr=8-1
As a good place to start.


As for your wife. I’m assuming you’re not expecting her to come home and discipline your daughter for something she did earlier that day? Kids her age don’t have the cognition to handle that.

Ask for what you and your daughter need from your wife. I know my husband always has my back when my kids aren’t listening to me. That helps. We do also try to call each other on stuff when we need a different perspective.

Good luck. Did I mention parenting is hard? I hope things get better for you.

u/hodorhodor12 · 3 pointsr/personalfinance

First off, the fact that you are asking this question here shows me that your kid is going to be fine. It shows great awareness. That is awesome.
I can related a little because i grew up lower-middle class to uneducated parents but have gotten lucky breaks here and there which have helped me moved up in the world. As with your situation, I had to work a bit harder as I wasn't taught things that are normally taught in educated households. Don't think for once that a lot of money is necessary to raise a great kid. Your kid doesn't need extravagant gifts for xmas to know he/she is loved. Your time and attention matters so much more than material things - they will remember you doing arts and crafts and throwing a ball around more than you getting them the latest video game system.

The existence of the internet has greatly democratized things. There is so much information that is free to access that wasn't available for my parents.

My suggestions.

  1. Read parenting books. Seriously, by just reading these books, you'll be a better parent than the more affluent, yet clueless parents that I know. There's so many topics to cover: nutrition, discipline, etc. Some of it might be very obvious, but it at least puts in all in the forefront of your mind. Some books:
    https://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Baby-Young-Child-ebook/dp/B00R5KWXU8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457183&sr=8-1&keywords=american+pediatrics+baby

    https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457006&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+book

    https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing-ebook/dp/B004J4X32U/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1492457006&sr=8-3&keywords=parenting+book

    Also read books on personal finance, saving for college, taxes and so on. There are too many to name but I'm sure you'll find them all at the library. It'll be overwhelming but you need to do it all at once.
    One thing you've probably already realized is that raising a kid is ultimately a self improvement endeavor. You have to work on yourself and make yourself a better person in order for your kids to be better, directly and indirectly.

  2. Talk to your kids all the time and be patient in answer questions. Talk to them in the manner you'd like to see them talk to your grand children when they become adults. By talking all the time to them, they will have a much better language skills.

  3. Take them to the library as much as you can. It's something that my mom did all the time and it helped developed my curiosity.

  4. Find them mentors. I grew up not really knowing any adults who were in skilled professions so my outlook starting college was limited - I didn't know what was out there. I didn't know what jobs paid well and so on. I know it's going to be more of a challenge because of the folks you are surrounded by, but you can do things like have them participate in team sports, after school activities, work friends, etc.
u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/Parenting

This book: "How to talk to your children so they will listen and listen so they will talk"

It explains how to teach your children about life, while still treating them as a human with their own feelings. Respect, while still maintaining your position and authority as a parent.

It is such a wonderful book that they have study groups for it for the last 30 years (it has been updated some since it first came out). It was recommend to me by a several professors and others.

u/BarnabyDonghammer · 2 pointsr/Parenting

Keep your chin up, remember that it is a phase. It's always a phase.

If one thing isn't working, drop it and try another thing. That includes yelling, and the 'natural consequence' of removing toys.

Give this book a shot: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI
I have tried a couple of tricks from just the first few chapters where I acknowledge that my (nearly) 6 year old is really upset/frustrated/whatever and while it doesn't produce the miracle results that the book talks about it does seem to chill him out and defuse what might otherwise have gone awry.

Because you've got a 7mo in the house, you should try to get each parent to schedule a special day with your little hell-raiser. Maybe one day every couple of weeks you just focus on him where you go for a pancake breakfast, a walk in the park, fly a kite at the playground.

Focus. You can do this.

u/madbear · 2 pointsr/PastAndPresentPics

OMG thank you so much! I come from a family of six brothers, had my two sons, and helped raise my husband's two boys, who are ten years younger than my kids--from the time they were 4 and 7. I love boys. Totally love them.

First of all--bless your heart! That two-year age difference is brutal in the beginning, but it gets easier.

Secondly, since I never had daughters, I don't know how to compare raising boys with girls. And I'm feeling a little bit like this SNL skit with Emma Thompson, because we mothers of adults have a pretty selective memory.

But since you were sweet enough to ask, here are my five best pieces of advice, in no particular order:

  1. Trust your gut and be kind to yourself. Your instincts are your best guide. Even so, you'll make a ton of mistakes. It's okay. Apologize if you have to, and then just forgive yourself. There's no one right way to do this, every kid is different, and we're all learning as we go.
  2. Validate your kids, and let them figure out their solutions whenever you can. It's very liberating. So when they say, "I HATE my teacher!" instead of saying, "No you don't" or telling them what they should do to fix the problem, say "Wow. You sound really upset," and then stop. It's amazing what they'll tell you when you stop talking. If you ask questions and repeat back what you hear them say, they'll learn how to figure things out by themselves, which is the goal, right? Check out "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk." That book saved my life.
  3. Have fun whenever you can. Tell jokes, play games, play pranks, even. Have adventures. The best thing about kids is that they give you permission to be goofy. My favorite memories with my kids are these things.
  4. Be the home their friends can come to, where they're always welcome. You will never regret setting another plate, driving to pick up a buddy who doesn't have a ride, or saying "yes" to another overnight, at least not in the long run.
  5. Tell your boys often that you love them, and tell them why. Tell them that their artwork makes you feel happy, that you loved seeing them be so gentle with the neighbor's cat, that you love knowing you can trust them to do the right thing, that you know it's hard to be a little brother, or a big brother, and you appreciate them.

    But most of all, be kind to yourself.
u/searedscallops · 2 pointsr/askwomenadvice

In addition to the other ideas, empathize with him. "It has to be really tough when you want something sooooooo badly, but you don't have the money to buy it, huh? Like, that game is probably your favorite one and the one thing you've been wanting for sooooooo long. And it's so hard to not have it."

On top of that, you can address it with wishful ideas: "I wish I had a million dollars and could buy you anything you want!" or "I wish that everything was free!" Let him come up with some wishful ideas, too.

There is a really great book published 20+ years ago that may help you: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI

u/wontmurderyou · 2 pointsr/AskParents

It sounds like you're on the right track. Kids need boundaries and logical consequences for misbehavior. Some of my favorite parenting books are:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

These books can be pretty dry, but the information is very useful. If you google enough you can probably find the cliff's notes versions. Good luck!

u/mrflee · 2 pointsr/Teachers
u/schmin · 2 pointsr/ADHD

Talk to her psych about it. See if you can do CBT with the psych or via a workbook.

My mom used this book with me, to great success.

Consider scheduling exercise, a tasty meal, or some fun activity for her, starting just before 'crash time' to help smooth the bumps.

Also, when she feels emotionally stable, have her make a list of things that make her feel better. Keep it in easy reach so when she feels bad she don't have to think, just read and do. Some possibilities — 7-minute workout, make a favorite cup of tea or cocoa, or meditate.

u/Wdc331 · 1 pointr/diabetes

So one thing to keep in mind - high blood sugar makes you feel EXTREMELY irritable. I am normally a very calm, even, unemotional kind of person, but high blood sugar brings out the beast in me. That coupled with just being frustrated about the restrictions that come with T1D, make his reaction completely normal. Hell, I am an adult and I still get angry sometimes when diabetes stops me from doing something (like having food when I want it, or interrupting my day). I don't think you're understanding just how normal his reaction is in the face of living with a chronic medical condition.

Are you acknowledging his anger and frustration? "Hey, I know you're angry about this. This must really suck for you. I am sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through/feeling."

The more I read your comments, the more I think that some of his reactions and feelings have to do with a combination of his home life, how you and his other parent are reacting to things, and the very typical frustrations that come with living with an incredibly complex (and often poorly understood) chronic condition. I am not blaming you; I think you're doing what you think is right in the moment and are probably also very frustrated in having to deal with this (he doesn't get to own frustration here!), but if you want to change things, you're going to have to change your approach entirely.

He's right, it's not fair. And it would help if you start empathizing with that and acknowledging the unfairness.

If you haven't already, I would check out this book (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen so Kids will Talk). I think it might help your specific situation.

u/LizziPizzo · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

This is a parenting book, and would have to be my choice..
I would use it to help my fiance better understand why he struggles so much with our 7 year old and his behavior.. It tears me to pieces to see them argue all the time, and I wish he would just get a clue!

u/MercuryChaos · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole

ESH. Yes, it sounds like your son is being a brat... but you might be interested to know that punishment is a really ineffective way of getting someone to change their behavior. Consequences work best when they're immediate and when they naturally follow from whatever behavior your trying to reinforce or discourage - and the trip to California is three weeks away and has nothing to do with his behavior at school. If you make him stay home it's probably not going to improve his behavior, and it'll probably make things worse because he's going to resent you for going on a trip without him.

Have you tried talking to him about why he does the stuff that he does? It looks like a lot of people here are suggesting that he's got a learning disability or a mental disorder, but it could be that he's just angry, bored, or otherwise upset and acts out because of that. It's really common for adults to dismiss, ignore, or punish kids when they're trying to express negative feelings, because a lot of the time the stuff they get angry about doesn't seem like such a big deal to us. This makes them even more frustrated (because they're trying to communicate with the adults and aren't being heard) and so they act out even more, which leads to more punishment, etc.

This is a really great book about communicating with kids and alternatives to punishment.

u/th3r31t1s · 1 pointr/Parenting

123 Magic has really helped my husband and I with our three-anger. Implementing the strategy was easy and has brought so much peace to our home. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Parenting with Love and Logic are the other 2 we have referenced lots of times. But if you are looking for more of a story Bringing Up Bebe was a fun read.